Though today is just a short 24 hours, I've experienced many types of feelings and emotions.

First thing I wanna say it, I am really really very blessed to have such great friends around, friends who help me along the way, friends who put me in high positions like circle of trust, friends who took care of me whenever I need it. Though I don't really have many friends, and an unhappy friendship past in secondary school. I am really really touched to be what I am today.

I wanted to sleep early yesterday but I kept coughing and coughing non-stop, til around 1 plus then I can get into proper sleep. Rainy days has make me feel uncomfortable. As a result, I was kinda late today to meet a girl who wants to swop her index with me. I didn't really personally see her, but thanks alot for helping me swop!

I went into the lab to put down my stuff, so I went to the toilet. Upon returning, the lab door was locked on both doors because lessons started. Wah, seems like a new rule to keep away latecomers. But as a result, my things were locked inside =( So I have to take out my things and return money to ZY. So embarrassing and suay to get locked outside.


I was hoping for physics lecture to end like one hour early so I can go and see the school doctor. But there are so many clicker questions that I don't know how to do! Seriously, I don't know how to survive this semester with difficult cores. So, I went off for lunch alone. The funniest thing is I went to buy my tea as usual. Then the person infront of me took a long time to get paid or something. So I jump his queue, the aunty told me: "厉害hor，还会跳过来，果然是大学生，那么聪明!" I was like laughing with her too, I just wanna get things done faster. If I were smart enough, hai.. if I were just to be smart enough...

I feel so lonely eating my lunch alone, with a stranger, at a dark atmosphere with gloomy weather, nobody to talk to me. And there are so many *** around me talking. For once, I feel so foreign (well, many a times though) staying in NTU. Then peiting told me that there was a vacancy in 317, so I gave her my password to help me add and yay! My timetable is finally settled. Not by myself, but with the help of angels around me...

I went to see the doctor today. Waited for quite long before it's my turn. And the doctor knew somehow my cough is asthmatic... For the first time I think my doctor fee is quite cheap HAHA!

Hope to get well soon!

The rain makes me feel so pessimistic, plus my cough is making me feel very weak, and also I cannot join in my friend's 21st party today.

I didn't even dare to see the stats today. Chances are getting lesser and lesser. But I really hope for the best, perhaps even seeing a glimpse of light? Okay, I am tempted to see, I should be able to get in at least Queen's...

It keeps on pouring and pouring. Wondering if it were to stop...

My cough is really getting worrying these days. I cough with nothing inside my throat but that kind of weird itchiness. I am afraid there is blood in my throat or any liquid flows into my lungs. So that's why I say, I want my hot sun! The weather has got to do with my cough definitely, and how am I going to survive cold weathers if I cannot even take 24 degree celsius. Everytime when I am not feeling well, I don't have the energy to do alot of things. Plus CNY is coming up and I still have things not cleared.


I went to Orchard Central today to collect Singapore mint coins for my mum. And I find it so cool that Lush 99.5 radio station is just right beside it and we can see the radio DJ and how they do radio comm.

Tuition today was okay but I am still used to Amazon room. Suddenly I feel overcrowding HAHA! And I got to admit, tuition will be so much different from last year, where we have so little tutors and tuitees to start with. It's like one small family. But now, we have alot more tutors and tuitees, and the whole place will be much tougher to maintain with a shortage of space. It needs time to adjust to changes.

I am still looking forward to my instep chances, but it seems like so many people is applying for that. Would I even stand a chance? especially when the ranking is done by school and not by course. I hope I really do...

I finally drank KOI today...

I just finished submitting my INSTEP application, I just put 3 universities, of which 2 I am quite confident, or I should say, more willing to go. What a contradiction that my first choice uni last time now became my 3rd choice, which is my last choice. All because of the difference in system and that I couldn't really match courses. Now, one thing down! Another is to settle my timetable really fast.

I just met an angel today who is willing to take the small risk to drop defence science and take 35 for me, and then offer to swap index number with me. I hope this time round it's successful, because I don't have much time left considering the fact that I am going back on Wed and she's going back on Tuesday.

Unknowingly, my cough came back, majority due to the poor weather. I was thinking 24 degrees could do me this harm, what about negative degrees? I think I shall wrap myself in many many layers of wool. HAHA! I really hate coughs... asthmatic cough somemore with no phlegm, because the bronchi or what is blocked or whatever.

I just wish for my health to be well, nothing much...

There are a couple of times in life that, I have to give up something I really want. Though I know that I couldn't get something, I will still work hard to achieve my second best option. I know that, I will be very satisfied with that. Humans are never too hungry for new things.

I'm glad that MOE has replied me and approved my proposal after yesterday intense night of doing up the proposal til my father wakes up for work. I will be very very happy to get offered a place in those universities I am going to apply for, and I will be even happier if I had a coursemate I know going with me.

P.S:
Please stop it! Please don't affect me! I don't want my ugliest sem 2 last year to repeat the cycle again... Can everybody just be more cheerful and optimistic about life?

You know the agony of rushing two proposals out when you know the deadline of instep is gonna be near. And nothing was to be done. PHew, I finally finished my proposal and got it sent out like a few minutes ago, 3.40 plus am, in the wee hours at night. I first got a shocked when I was about to write my proposal for sponsorship, then it's like my friend did so many things already and I have got nothing on my hand. Which is unsual isn't it? Normally, I am the first one to get everything done. Maybe because of different perspectives, then I got another friend whose proposal is so briefly done, has already been approved, while that friend is still trying to make a very very detailed report and finally sent it out 4 hours before me. Well, I hope my email was the first one that the officer will see tomorrow morning. Hopefully, hopefully it is approved before 30th. That is just one thing before applying to INSTEP, which other people do not need to do.

The second thing is that many people are applying for the same thing as me. The stats are increasing each day. Somehow I feel my chance is .... hmmm...

Yes it is close to 4 now and I am still awake. The thing is my father had just woke up from his sleep, and getting ready for his "morning TV" and off to work he goes.

For the first time, I feel so busy and tight for deadlines... I hope everything turns out well!

School has started! However, I still fail to get my cores that I wished to take it this semester. Sitting alone at can B now waiting for my next lesson to start at 530. Yes! 530 to 730.

Looking through my instep choices, I really want to go to European countries. Europe is just so beautiful. However, I am very tempted in University of Western Ontario. It seems a nice and friendly place to go to, my friends are going there and I can clear alot of my courses there.

School is starting! School is starting!

For the first time, I feel so unprepared when semester is starting. My Last semester things uncleared in desktop and on the desk. Many things to do, Instep, proposal, school starting means buying and selling of textbooks, getting ready. CNY is coming, sometimes a relieve or a buzz?

SPMS is just so happily letting us be year 3 students. Okay random...

My holidays, though busy, but fun filled with events and all! I enjoyed fully to the max, though I seriously need time for myself to finish doing what I am supposed to do. Schools is starting, which means that I cannot slack anymore.

Laptop, please don't fail tomorrow! Please don't hang at the crucial time... You have been giving problems these days.

Happy schooling!

Why am I always stepping on my mum's tail all the time?

I am rarely at home since the start of my holidays after exams. Let me count, I finished my exams on the 20th, from 21th Dec 10 to 23rd Jan 11. I have 33 days of holidays in total. I went out for 28 days (including little trips out to tuition and to school to settle stuff). Effectively, I have only 5 days solidly staying at home. What atrocity! I promised myself no hectic schedules anymore and after each semester it's getting worse. I really wish one time I could just break away from my social circle. I don't have that many friends, imagine I have many many friends, outing and so on. I think my parents won't even get to see me more than 8 hours a day. Imagine I am involved in CCA activities. I would, be a different person then. However, I am already a different person now. Going out almost day after another, being home so late, sleep so late like 2 plus or 3, eating irregular meals, having lesser parental interaction as days go by. This feeling is so disgusting. I have no money left, I'm gonna focus on earning allowance and studying.

And I am not even ready to start school that my minds want me to. Last semester notes still uncleared. Last semester stuff also didn't quite finish. One day left. Why am I always waiting til the last day to clear up my room? Always leave things to the last minute to clear? This semester I'm just gonna focus on studies and tuition. I wanna go broke already after much outings, seriously, I wanna really give some a miss. Don't be surprised next time if I don't turn up for any outings, XMM just need to take a rest.

I have been dreading each day when I have to go out... I am always looking forward to new tuition starts seeing the juniors with their new tutees, not forgetting our own seniors too. However, today I just don't feel that kind of motivation to the extent that I went there late. There are bound to be changes in us here and there. Memories are meant to be kept. So, woods 2010, I'll definitely miss you guys alots in the Amazon room.

LiWei made my day today! She's going to give me some stickers with CATS!

I never learn from my mistake...

It was a long day for me today, I had much wanted today to faster pass anyway. Outings and outings, quite tiring...

I was happy to meet up with my so called "uni clique" since we ever last met, zhiying girl especially. It was the first time 6 of us turn up successfully. We played pool and ate swensens lunch, though we had nothing much to say, but I guess we had a fun time.

Then I actually rush off to meet my song sign group, IKILY for dinner. I thought being absent from karaoke is bad enough, at least I joined them for dinner. But I seriously don't know why they ended up in a hotel eating BK! I was kinda pissed of in the sense that, I feel kind of cheated to rush down all the way from boon lay to town, where I can just eat burger king at my house. I didn't eat but I ate two sushi instead. We chatted alot of stuff like childhood stuff... next we went off to eat dessert, I was quite hungry then so I ate to my fill, but I was easily full. We went to chinatown, the atmosphere there was quite busy because people were busy buying and selling for CNY. We sat there for quite some time before everyone is willing to move off at 1130++. I was already worried because I am afraid there is no bus home. Last time, at the same spot, we sang K til 12 midnight and there was no bus home. Luckily, a big maxi cab passed by and manage to take in so many people. I went home safely with another girl of my class, staying at the same area. I was already so pissed off like, why am I so late back at home, staying away from home at such late hours. That was 5 months ago, and this feeling is disgusting totally. I would never ever want to stay up so late outside. And this time round, at the exact same spot. I couldn't get home either. Surprisingly, a big Singapore map and a bus guide does me no help. Perhaps, there is help but I wasn't careful enough. I thought I could catch the last bus which I did. But I overlooked that when the last bus came, and I missed it, totally! Luckily, Hua Dong offered to stay with me til I board my bus home. I am like 15 minutes to get to the bus stop to board the last bus. But, that was 45 mins after we find and wondered around the whole of China Town. We found, but then, there wasn't any bus back home already. I was so worried: 1. no bus back home, how to get home? 2 resorts: cab home, or the last last resort is to camp over at his place. 2. mum will definitely get angry with me for being back home so late, especially when there are no buses. Then, thankfully, he brought me to a busstops with all the night riders, and night owls. We went to toilet, then I missed another night rider back. I thought the wait was like 10 to 15 mins but he told me he even waited up to 2 hours for a bus! Then, I was bright enough to see that there was a night owl that goes to my house. Then I boarded that and, safely I'm back at last!

Two times in a row, two times at China Town. Be it at China Town or somewhere else. I would never, ever want to repeat this over again. I make sure I make my way back home, latest by 11pm to look for my bus stops. This kind of insecure feeling disgusted me totally. Not htat I'm insecure with HD around, just that I'm insecure because I have totally no idea what time I could get home. Thankfully, a guy was accompanying me throughout. Imagine a girl, blur and sotong enough like me, frantically getting lost even with a map and a bus guide. Okay, not getting lost, just no buses back to home. What would I do? Though I could easily get home with my concession pass, but $4 is thankful and low cost enough in this kind of situation. As a form of punishment, I wanted to eat a $6 breakfast tomorrow, but because of this, I chose to eat a $2 meal instead. Fair enough? Well, this is not the whole point here. The whole point here is: Please get home ASAP!

But thanks Huadong for accompanying me despite his fatigue over the day, and to wake his mum up because he went home late (because of me) that his mum have to open the gate for him. I'm sorry but a big thank you in my need!

Sometimes I wondered why I stayed up so late outside to meet them for dinner, in the end, I ate nothing for dinner, 2 pieces of sushi and 4 balls of tang yuan? I should have just went home instead when my bus passes my house. In the end, I went home late and found myself into trouble because mama is upset. To come to the worst, they could have just barred me from night activities and even instep. NO instep! I want instep! Why am I doing this? Seriously, something wrong with my head (too much water I guess, quoted from HD), I should not have gone for today. I'm sorry ikily, I'm just upset with myself.

Sometimes I wonder, having too many electives is a good thingas you can choose to do what you want to do with it. But when it comes to course registration, it is indeed a headache.

Who in the right mind wants to take data analysis with computer as an elective, unless you are a computing student? If you are somebody wanting to minor in math, go take something else that is more relevant and easier!

Whatever my rant above, simply means that there is only one little vacancy left... and I have to change my core index to fit in that slot, which means that I cannot be fastest finger! ARgh... if I don't take it this semester, what else can I take?

OH YEAH! I just realised that today is the last day of electives balloting because tomorrow is the release of electives. Wahahahaha, seems like I still have some hope in that one slot!

Looking back, my timetable is really disgusting this semester... so many long breaks in between.

I am so bo liao today that I put on a wedding gown!

I thought I have counted my transport fees correctly lor! Sian lah, I should have just buy the concession this month... =(

Another time of doom, I am just perspiring, sweaty palms. This will determine my chance in INSTEP! Heart beating very fast...

Okay, just one click, I don't know why I don't even need to key in password and username. It stares right infront of me. And, okay! I'm relieved... I'm happy for my psych mod, it turns out to be the best when I thought it was the worst, however, for another mod, it turns out to be the worst when I thought it was the best. Well, I can't predict very well... but, I can start to research for instep!

Thank you!

RSPHI New Year SS: Festive of Love 2011

Then it was the shagged ever RSPHI camp, I remember last year I was sick for the first day... and I almost couldn't tahan the 3 long days in camp everyday. Practising to synchro every signs... formation. Actually I think I feel tired more than when I was a junior. Seriously? How did I go through that kind of shaggedness. Plus we had our own practices continuously for two weeks. It is the people which kept me moving on! Although there are really some things I really don't like, but I think everyone has a part to keep our course of goal going on.

Polar bears went to Settlers for two consecutive days! We had fun playing games like taboo and bang... The second day was Garung Guni session and I just go for the sake of going, but I had fun too! Slack the first half, busy the second half. But I think I had fun this time because perhaps we as seniors know more people than the juniors... However, the second settlers wasn't quite well as there were some miscommunication along. Sometimes I think I should just keep quiet...

Then the following week was practices and mass performances and so on. It was rather tiring but I had fun, during holidays. And I was surprised myself that 我还没有倒下。。。
Seriously, why do they have to make us come down on time, when people are still not ready for the session, somemore doing their own things at their own sweet time? This is something I really cannot understand... But one thing for sure is: Waste of time! 我要砍人了！(Ooops, so violent!)

People just seriously need to understand the fact that, we must do the correct things at the correct time!

I had fun being a senior, but I think I had more fun being a junior last year because juniors are new and blur. Whereas as a senior, there are certain things to expect and follow. I think I took more photos last year compared to this year =(. Sometimes I think being a junior is much fun and that kind of feeling lasts only for a year, and the rest of the times we are supposed to be seniors. However, I should say I chose to be in IKILY, different type of people compared to polar bears, with being of different frequencies as they think and behave. I had fun too!

However, as a senior, I definitely had fun in my time practising for Senior song sign. Though at first, I wanted to pull out due to the hectic schedule that we have to practise after the juniors left. With more practice, we could have done a perfect job!

It has been two weeks since I ate dinner at home, having not much appetite to eat too when I gt busy. And also, it has been a long time since I met my father because he returns home when I hasn't returned, and when I return he has slept. When he wakes up, I am still asleep. And when he told me that he is flying off to Vietnam, I actually got a shock...

Performances on two days were fine, that I actually forgot some of the actions, and signed wrongly at the wrong time too! Hai, but it's over! I should say I am seriously impressed with the performances this year, both juniors and seniors, especially the seniors formation. It's like a definite breakthrough each year. What really surprised me was the new formation by At the Beginning, the male (MH) and female(Eunice) lead's interaction because that was really the first time I saw that formation on the last day of performance. Total Eclipse was just as wonderful too! And of course, mamma mia surprised everyone and made everyone else laughed. We showcase our first public performance on the first day of performance, and then the rest of them on the last day of performance. The 3 groups were totally great! If I have the chance and time, I would wanna join again...

Sentiments... 2010 -> 2011

I find that tonight is a night that I have alot of things to say... and this is gonna be my longest post, ever!
I wanted to blog like, 10 days ago since I was back from Bintan. I am like living these 12 days alone...
Perhaps the first thing I should update about is the trip to Malaysia with my parents. It has been some time since I last went back in April last year to visit my old grandmother. Everytime I see her I have that kind of weird feeling that, she's no longer the same as last time anymore. She couldn't recognize me, or sometimes she is just acting blur... I feel a great sense of responsibility to this home, and I am sure my Mum has a great burden on her shoulders too. With the appearance of this disgraceful woman that caused much trouble to my family, Mum and I think that our kaka is so much noble than us. Imagine working as a maid in a house with a crazy woman who just "abuses" her anyold how. I find that there are still more stories, yet to be digged. Sometimes, the stories just moved me to tears, the feeling besides hatred, but the sense of noble-ness... I gained much after every trip there. And I don't know if I still have time to make each visit there. I hope I can go there as much often. The environment there is really good. It helps me escape from the noise and buzzle I had here in SG.

I learnt a lesson in the train that night... never let yourself hungry. Who knows the train is delayed and there is no food on board to eat?... better keep some food with you during your journey!


I rest for a few days, started my first tuition with a new tutee, clean up my cupboard. Then packing for my first ever holiday trip with my friends alone (besides school trip) to Bintan!


Bintan with Polar Bears. It was rather a cool trip as we played monopoly deal everywhere we go. We tried ATV(All-terrain vehicle), was like an "interesting" adventure for me. It was cool driving with it! That was the first activity that we do there. The tour lady was very nice to us, follow us everywhere, introduce us to a certain place... and so on. And we countdown there... HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am delighted to see several fireworks being put up. It's a pity that we didn't try some of the activities. Oh, we went to sight see some places too. Went in to a pub with only one or two visitors. So noisy so we decided to chit chat outside. I was so tired that I didn't really want to say things, from the bottom of my heart. Perhaps, I don't feel that comfortable yet. I am so sorry bears! Then the next day we left the resort early, that was a last minute decision when we wanted to walk around Bintan. I realised there, people drive recklessly and I was so worried that accident will occur or something (choy!) I was very afraid to cross the road everytime I tried to cross one. And on that day which is New Year's Day, there are barely any shops open there. So the only place we could go is to go eat at a restaurant... and chilled there. Quite a nice feeling with my friends. Polar bear Rocks! We keep playing deal even at the check in point when the officer there told us to faster check in to our ferry. I guess I have underestimated myself because I have never sat on a ferry before. I am afraid I will get seasick or something. The waters were rather choppy at night, but I had a great time admiring the shakiness on the ferry. I love that whole feeling altogether. A feeling of uncertainty, a feeling of unstableness in life... HAHA!


Next was class gathering, it's been a while since our last meet up. I am excited to meet them for a simple dinner or something, to see how are they doing now. Despite a short period of time, though I'm still sleep deprived, I am still satisfied! And I hope the trip that they are planning to Malaysia, is successful! They are really the important people in part of my teenage life, despite the short 2 years we spent together.

Then it was the shagged ever RSPHI camp, I remember last year I was sick for the first day... and I almost couldn't tahan the 3 long days in camp everyday. Practising to synchro every signs... formation. Actually I think I feel tired more than when I was a junior. Seriously? How did I go through that kind of shaggedness. Plus we had our own practices continuously for two weeks. It is the people which kept me moving on! Although there are really some things I really don't like, but I think everyone has a part to keep our course of goal going on.


Polar bears went to Settlers for two consecutive days! We had fun playing games like taboo and bang... The second day was Garung Guni session and I just go for the sake of going, but I had fun too! Slack the first half, busy the second half. But I think I had fun this time because perhaps we as seniors know more people than the juniors... However, the second settlers wasn't quite well as there were some miscommunication along. Sometimes I think I should just keep quiet...

Let's go to the topic of sentiments 2010 --> 2011, I'm actually posting this on the 17th day of the year, when February is gonna come... What a late post.

I think I have learnt alot in 2010... relationships, friendships, health, life, goals, etc. 2010 didn't start quite well in Sem2, though I have alot of fun after Song sign in 2009. I met problems along the way (in relationship), not knowing how to handle things properly as a whole, and not knowing how to manage my emotions and feelings, which resulted in a bad distraction from studies, but thank goodness that wasn't a great fall in GPA. So I was contented... life took a great turn since I was awarded the TA. Okay, perhaps it might not be a GREAT turn, but something spices up my goal, making sure that that teaching was the path that I choose. I should say that was my most accomplished goal, ever in my life. It doesn't matter if I really were to choose the wrong path, I should put teaching as my ever first choice. Well, I don't know what will happen to me, I shall just give it a shot. That clearly sharpens my goal, at least for the next 5 years. Since then, relationships and friendships started to smooth out nicely for me, as time passes, it cheers me up more. Thanks to my fellow friends, especially RSPHI...

I don't know why this year, I grew up to be more dependent on my parents. Since then, they were just so important in my life (I'm not implying that they aren't important), perhaps due to a couple of sickness which visited me this year. I totally lost count of how many times I was sick this year. Stress? Overworking? Who says? I'm not even in CCA comm... just by being a member would tire me out? I seriously don't know what has happened, weather? I have to learn to take proper good care of health. Without health, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy more activities. I wanted to join in the fun, just that I have to give up. On my important day in my 20 years of life, I was sick... how sad? Wah, thinking back, I was also sick on my birthday, the day that I joined the 20 club, how sad? I wanted to have more rest, but at the same time, I don't wanna miss out the fun people has! I wanted to go on the television program "Loving touch" on Channel 8, but in the end I missed out totally. Haiz... I really hope there is another chance!

My whole summer holidays this year were dedicated to RSPHI events, and I started work for the first and the last time at a private sector as temporary admin. Despite how boring the comments were, I still want to give it a try. I met great people there too! Then it was a whole series of song signing and song signing. OH, I joined YOG too! Though my job wasn't that fantastic, I guess I really had fun. So I should say, my whole summer holidays were all well spent.

Then I proceeded with Year 2, such a flash of lightning, I'm a senior in university already. Then, the bad thing was, I fell sick TWO times! Then on those days I have quizzes and exams, I didn't, on those days when I have nothing, I'm sick. Sometimes I think if heaven is playing a prank on me. But aiyah, I'll just leave with it. Seriously every day is a fulfuling day for me, but I just need the time to study lah! I had fun in BS, I had fun in RSPHI, I went into the VOC comm, went out again, then go in again. (SOTS~) recess week was like no recess week for me. But I'm glad that things turn out well. Though there's haze, thanks to the spray, I didn't fall sick...

Sem 1 really passed very very fast before I knew it, it's exams. I breeze through the exams anyhow, just wanting holidays to come fast. I have made a promise to myself that, I have learnt a lesson: Don't pack your schedule to the maximum... In the end, my holidays this time is no better than before. We had holidays from Xmas to the next month. I fleed to Malaysia immediately after my last paper, then rested for a while, then went to Bintan with my friends, come back, song sign started. I only had bearly a few days in between as my holidays, not to say my fellow friends who are busy with the planning of song sign performances. Surprisingly, I am still alive when the whole thing lasted for about two weeks! I am alive and kicking! Guess it was the people who pushed me on =)

I finally finish this post, end off by saying. Thanks everyone who stepped in my life in 2010. I am assure that 2011 will be even a better year full of memorable experiences. Take care people!

After a battle of STAR wars crash, XMM is enjoying her soup made specially for her by dearest mummy.