<meta name='google-adsense-platform-account' content='ca-host-pub-1556223355139109'/> <meta name='google-adsense-platform-domain' content='blogspot.com'/> <!-- --><style type="text/css">@import url(https://www.blogger.com/static/v1/v-css/navbar/3334278262-classic.css); div.b-mobile {display:none;} </style> </head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/21503845?origin\x3dhttp://smileewithme.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Speak● about ●your● story●


Tuesday, May 22, 2012
我是不是让你很不开心？对不起.. 笑好吗？

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 7:28 PM
Happy day!
Speak● about ●your● story●


Friday, May 11, 2012
I'm in office now waiting for dardar to fetch me :) he's gonna bring me to eat my fav ice cream! So happy.. Sweet.. Cont later :)

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 7:16 PM
home alone..
Speak● about ●your● story●


Tuesday, May 08, 2012
home alone.. 一个人在家, 好寂寞.. he's out with his friends.. he was so caring yesterday.. but today felt like nothing has happened.. am i feeling insecure again? trying to tell myself not to feel that way.. giving myself all sorts of excuses for him.. but it's hard.. love lesser, expect lesser..

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 8:54 PM
Ups and downs...
Speak● about ●your● story●


Saturday, May 05, 2012
Having to visit 5 times hospital, 4 different hospitals is no joke.. And when the last patient is my dardar.. Last blow. Was supposed to tell him the thing That I planned to, for two weeks.. But cuz he was admitted.. So it's gone again.. Scared the wits out of me when he said he needs to be admitted.. When I reached hospital, I suddenly felt like I had this heavy responsibility.. The "all eyes on me" feeling.. Damn stressful.. After going back, I kept feeling this heavy heart feeling and mummy needed to calm me down.. No problem or issues.. The biggest thing I'm facing, is simply, I'm a grown up now. This is the biggest fact I realised, which is really scaring me. I need to take responsibility as a wife and take care of him. Not like I don't want to, but now, it's like your obligation and duty, whether u want or not. Suddenly unsure of taking up this job.. Like I'm all along pampered being the daughter of the house, now it's the owner of our family.. No longer bein taken care of, but u need to take care of ppl.. The change is .. Shocking. My heart still feels heavy.

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 3:20 PM
Speak● about ●your● story●


Thursday, April 26, 2012
*tears* I can't help it.. I cried again.. How much do I really mean to him.. I said to myself, I understand.. I said I understand.. I'm really trying so hard.. To understand.. But who is here for me? Is this really gonna be how it will be in future? Does the distance really matter? The distance is even much more challenging to u, than meeting me? Stop.. Stop having all these expectations.. It's just gonna get worse.. Stop.. But how... U are not helping me.. U chose to abandon me.. I'm really not strong enough.. I'm not.. Why am I so weak.. It's not that I don't want to talk to u.. But I have no idea what to say.. I just have to force myself to say things like I'm ok.. So that u won't feel bad.. But it hurts.. Hearing ur half hearted concerns.. Why.. Why..

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 8:33 PM
Speak● about ●your● story●


I'm at NUH now waiting for my turn to visit the gynae. Just a specialist visit to check on the UTI.. I contemplated v long whether I shd remind him about it.. I had mixed feelings.. Of cuz I very much wished he would be here... But he probably doesn't remember.. Half my mind tells me don't bother him w these.. He's too preoccupied w his dad so at least it's one thing lesser for him to worry.. The other half of my mind questions, even if he knows, will he be concerned? I'm just someone who needs this care and concern all the time.. Need to feel loved.. Not telling him that I'm not well, flu n cough n heavy heads, not telling him that I'm at hospital alone, perhaps reduces my expectations, minimize my disappointments.. I want to have a good talk w him.. Haven been feeling good for this whole week.. Think it just sparked off that weekend when u behaved like a stranger to me.. Not even someone close to me.. Or. Friend.. U jus saw me cry and get irritated, where has that comforting kc gone? Even if u dunno what to say, I tot the least u could feel towards me is heart stricken.. Feel sad that I'm so down, not confront me and put me down further for not talking.. At that point.. I felt like I was married to a stranger.. Someone who doesn't know me, and I dunno him.. That safe harbour he calls, that pillar of support he claims.. Not there anymore.. I know I can't ask for all these.. If they are not coming from u, I can't force them., I'm just upset how did things become like that... Where are all the sweet promises.. I'm thinking of the best way to put all these across.. I don't want to be unreasonably expecting a lot.. But if I were to just tolerate all these, I'll probably end up being a wooden block, unfeeling.. What should I say?

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 12:32 PM
Lost..
Speak● about ●your● story●


Monday, April 16, 2012
Don't know why I'm having this lost feeling. Is it pms-ing? Or jus feeling emo for no reason.. I hate that time of the month.. Where all the lousy thoughts pop up from nowhere..

Feeling lost of direction, why am I at work, why am I not enjoy every min of my time and life and let them tick away.. Seconds by seconds..

I am supposed to be the most ahead person, every one thinks so.. Cuz I'm getting married.. But no one understands the fear I'm facing.. I'm supposed to be the one w most goals ESP in this year.. I have the house, the wedding , the photoshoot, videoshoot.. But I don't seem to be v excited abt them.. Why? I don't know..

Watching the Korean dramas made me feel even more sad but sweet at the same time.. It's the sweet happy moments that u are watching.. But I start to miss them thinking when will they happen to me.. And perhaps after marriage it's jus gonna get worse.. I miss the sweet times and I'm afraid how different it would be after marriage. But guess I can't really tell Keng Chuan all these.. He'll jus attribute it to " stop watching dramas".. But not on my fears..

Helpless..

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 11:57 AM
Speak● about ●your● story●


Thursday, March 29, 2012
After every quarrel, it always brings me to many thoughts.. Why do we quarrel?

Is it a natural girls instinct to always want or hope that her partner would think and do things for her, and feel for her? Is it a natural tendency that girls will use their judgment and set conclusions to a lot of matters, but guys being guys just don't bother and will think of us as nuisance when we try to impose our judgement? I know that imposing is not correct.. I know. If I were to advise my friends I'll probably say the same thing.. But it's so hard.. So hard to erase this need of hoping ur partner think alike u so u get empathy and comfort from the agreement..

Today he ask me, what is love.

Its meant to be a joke, as he showed me the cartoon drawings for that..

I got it right, I said love is.. You.

I know he is trying to cheer me up.. Trying to be positive abt things.. But I can't help feeling uncertain because of the past things he said.. I'm not bringing old things into quarrels.. I'm just saying, they have caused an impact in me, accumulatively.. I do love him, and because I love him, I can forgo a lot of things that I used to persist in the past.. I know he has contributed the same.. But he has once confirmed w me verbally that there's only so much he can do for me. And no more. I don't know if I'm v harping on this sentence.. But this forms the basis of my bad thoughts: that he no longer wants to do anymore.. So I have to be positive myself and bring positivity to the rs.. By myself.. It's a struggle.. Cuz I can never comprehend his thoughts.. And the sad thing is, as much as I wan him to know how I feel, telling him verbally, showing actions, or just keep mum, all won't help.. I really don't know what else I can do..

My only comfort now: is to love him and make him happy see him happy.. At least this is something I can do on my part, it's not dependent on other factors, it's just me which I can control.. Rather than harpin on him not meeting my expectations.. At least doing something I can see can control and can be confident of, makes me feel better.. Y bother abt the things I can't control..?

Wishes are wishes, hopes are hopes.. It's just hoping one day my wishes will materialize.. Just waiting..

                                                                                                          
                                                                                                             Written @ 12:48 PM
When leaves fall the coming of Winter arrives
about ● chat ● links ● archives


welcome
memories, though short-lived, brings the best smiles to your life

=)

to the ones i love
keep smiling
keep breathing
keep laughing
and never look back