#293 inspirational reminders

Certain songs, books, inspirational media, etc. I believe, come into your life in order to deliver a message from the universe.  When you feel inspired by something, it's a transcended feeling, and I really believe that these are cues from the universe when you have perhaps failed to read other daily signs or omens.  I came across this song a while ago through a good friend. However, recently I finally got around to really getting into it, and it really struck me how much it related to my current mind state.  I'm not sure if the intentions of the song is to speak of really following your heart and standing up for what you believe, but it really has inspired me to do so. Perhaps at the time I wasn't ready to listen to the fact that my heart really does know what will make me truly happy. This is probably because that involves some sacrifices that are hard to make. I think that sometimes we hesitate to make certain sacrifices because they might change how we are perceived by others, at least that's my shortcoming.  Sometimes that extra push is needed.  I really do believe that the universe has a way of reminding us - especially when it knows that deep down we really are willing to make the appropriate sacrifices to make ourselves sincerely and truly happy.

#292 powerful words from friends

I was speaking with my friend today about about how I was concerned about how my life doesn't have a clear direction right now, and that I worried about my future. She assured my that although I may not have a set path, that makes for a more interesting destination.  She has a beautiful way of summing up ideas in a very poetic way and she told me something today that I think I will forever remember; "Besides, it is much more interesting to have a path that is winding and always changing than a boring straight line."  I'm not sure what else to really write in this entry.  I could go one about how paving your own path in life is beautiful, and the sort of fulfillment an energy found within that is a blessing, but I really believe she's summed up that sentiment so well.  So today  I am so grateful for this friend, who no matter what has an amazing way for reminding me of my own value, and the fact that at this somewhat low moment she had the capacity of giving me such hope that I felt invincible.  That sort of impact is something you can't teach or learn, it's a true inherent blessing, and for that I am grateful. 

#291 understanding busy friends

I had lost touch with an old friend of mine a few months ago.  She had gone through some important life milestones which I wasn't able to be a part of and I had been feeling guilty, not being able to see her through them.  It was one of those situations that the guilt of facing your own disappointment in yourself overthrew any action you could take. Eventually, I mustered up enough courage to contact her and apologize for not being there. I sat there dreading the potential of not hearing from her, or worse, a disappointed response. After a day or two I finally heard back from my friend who showed the most amazing amount of understanding, saying we all get busy and that she completely understood that life sometimes makes you less available a certain moments.  I couldn't have been more thankful to have read this, I was so worried I had failed a friend, and I couldn't bear the guilt of that.   I'm  so glad that I do have people in my life that understand that sometimes life's obligations can be overwhelming and you don't always have time for everyone. Luckily there are people out there that realise that on call friendships are great, but busy friends can also love you just as much - and for this I am grateful.

#290 objective reasoning

I was mildly annoyed and offended by an interaction with someone the other day. I was whining to my boyfriend when I got home about how it was more to do with this person's own issues than my own, going on and on about how awful and alone I felt - blathering on like a nut. After calmly listening to my complaints he says, 'people all have flaws, you can't hold it against them.' I was initially taken back for a moment, but when I thought about I immediately realised I was being unreasonable. In moments of anger, frustration or when feeling offended, it's hard to feel compassionate towards other people. Being very sensitive myself, I find this very hard. I often get consumed with my feelings. Today, although it hurt to realise I was being that way, it was nice that someone who I know cares about me, had the heart to tell me that.  I'm so thankful that there are people in my life who aren't judgmental during my moments of weakness, but are still able to let me realise what actually is going on, for one, isn't a big deal, and two, isn't getting better by me not looking objectively at the problem. I think that's actually a hard task for anyone, especially when dealing with a firecracker like this girl.

#289 being ready

I've been having a hard time recently, trying to make some decisions about my future.  What it is that I want to do? What will ultimately make me happy? I've been in a strange unsettled and restless state since I finished school.  I have no idea what I want to do with my life because I feel as though I've been traveling down the wrong path for a while; one that doesn't provide me with the type of consistent happiness I desire.  And it's really frustrating, because it feels as though whatever decision I make, will sacrifice some aspect that's important to me, but I really want to find it.

Seeing as I'm currently unemployed, I've had a lot of time on my hands to read the pile of books that I either bought out of interest or impulse, or were given to me.  I never was much of a reader, but I've really taken a liking to it lately. I finally started, and almost finished mind you, a book that I probably bought over eight years ago - I know, ridiculous isn't it? But the book I'm reading now, The Alchemist, is basically a story about a boy who's in search of his calling, or as he calls it his Personal Legend. He describes himself as "an adventurer looking for treasure." The book really speaks to me, and there's a quote in it that I can't get out of my head, "When  you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." It's funny that it's taken me this long to read this book, yet I tried opening it up every now and again, and I just couldn't get into it.  But now, when I need the guidance and assurance, it's there and I'm ready to read it.  So today, I'm thankful for things the fact that I'm finally in a place to really read, understand and digest things that will help me in a personal journey. Things that are often good for you, necessary lessons or tokens that help you on your journey are usually right under your nose. I'm a firm believer that you really can't see things unless you are truly ready, and today I'm thankful that I'm finally at a point where I actually want to make myself happy. It's taken a long time to get here.

#288 friends who speak on your behalf

I have a hard time admitting to my talents in public. I don't know why but I feel awful trying to take the limelight for however long it might be in order to let people know what my skills are, what I'm capable of and my accomplishments.  I have a friend who and asked me to join her in a creative endeavor that she's pursuing.  i went with her to one of her meetings and participated fairly actively.  But when it came down to what I could contribute to the team, I found it really hard to say all the things I could do, and actively go after some of the creative projects that they were mentioning.  But this friend of mine, really stuck behind me and spoke on my behalf. I was so appreciative and honoured by he kind words.  As much as I really should learn to not shortchange what I'm capable of and be able to express it in a way where I don't feel myself being pompous, I'm happy that at least for that moment in time I was graced enough with the kindest friend who for one spoke for me and also, thought of me to begin with.  It's nice to know that others believe in you.

#287 teaching children

I was at a family get-together tonight, playing with my wonderful nephews.  My one nephew is absolutely brilliant, he's a quiet type that really enjoys learning new things. He could recite and transcribe the entire alphabet at the age of two and a half.  Tonight, he was sitting on my lap with an activity book, suited for a child a little beyond his age, with a word search in it. We started reading the words and slowly finding them together, until by the last few words he was all on his own.  He's four now, and I found this so amazing.  I think teaching children,  either colours, shapes, spelling, reading, whatever it may be is really an excessive in experiencing sacred things in this universe. I know learning how to finish a word search isn't exactly the most influential lessons of this kid's life, but seeing how quickly he picked up on it made me really aware of how much we impact kids and how really taking the time to teach them good, right and just lessons at that age is both necessary and such a blessing.  It's one of the few moments in life that we have where we can seriously see the exchange of knowledge, and I think that's really powerful.

#286 knowing your friends are happy to see you

I had brunch with a friend of mine today and it had been some time since we had seen each other.  I could tell just by her enthusiasm and in her affectionate manner that she really was happy and thankful to finally have some time together.  I think this is really beautiful, because as I'm slowly realizing, a lot of what goes on inside a person's head doesn't often reach the surface.  We've developed into a society where we hid, lock up and bottle up any of our true feelings while interacting with others.  I'm not sure how this happened, or if it's always been this way, but today while eating a greasy breakfast I was so happy to see that my friend had let down that guard we otften put up, whether consciously or just because she actually that excited, in order to let me know how much oru friendship really means to her. And given today's social context, that really is a true blessing

#285 toronto's green space

I went for a walk in the Don Valley for most of yesterday afternoon. What I find most beautiful about the Don Valley is that you can go there, and be amongst the most natural elements and sort of hear the highways and streets in the distance. I think Toronto really has a lot going for it in this sense. Modern developments, well at least prior the new 'green' developments, often forget that people need green space. We are natural animals, and living in a city can be really damaging, I think, if you have no connection to the natural world. That's not to say that built cities are detrimental to humans; they're not. They're products of our intelligence, civility and culture. But, real nature is just as much a part of us. However, isolation within nature and no connection to the civilized world, is just as detrimental . We are social beings. I think both built cities and nature need each other. And I was very much aware of this yesterday while walking in natural untamed parts of the Don Valley while bridges connecting subway and street networks hovered above. Sure there are much more natural urban developments; cities, towns, colonies with more reciprocal relationships to the land. But although not as drastic, and despite some ill-informed urban developments, I'm really thankful that Toronto does have so many natural green spaces as part of its urban fabric.

#284 gratitude from friends

I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other night, where she expressed her gratitude for our friendship. I was really touched by this. You know your friends care about you and you know your friends value your friendships, or at least you should know, but reassurance of that is actually so comforting. When your friends are thankful for you as a person being in their life it really enforces how valueable that friendship is. You're reminded that you can be yoruself and be loved, and that lets go of a lot of pretenses and allows you to be a sincerely good friend in return. So I am thankful for this friend, and her kind words, because now I know I can be a good friend to her without worrying if I'm accepted as I am. My opinions matter, my compassion is appreciated and it's beautiful to hear that.

#283 things that are 'good'

I think part of becoming an adult is realising that extreme happiness doesn't necessarily mean it's the right thing for you. I think what I've recently begun to appreciate is things that are good. What I mean by good, are things that aren't dramatically amazing, but comfortable, easily adaptable and just feel good. I used to think that in order to find the right career, person house or what have you in our lives, there's an initial spark, an explosive magnetism. This obviously still rings true in 'good' things, but that spark holds a different sort of exciting; it's less extreme and more substantial, I think. There's a line from one of my favourite movies, High Fidelity, where Rob Gordon talks about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend that explains this: "She didn't make me miserable, or anxious, or ill at ease. You know, it sounds boring, but it wasn't. It wasn't spectacular either." It was just good. But really good." If something, or someone, can make you happy, in the purest sense, without throwing your off your chair, it's good, it doesn't take away from your life but merely add to it. It may sound slightly underwhelming or boring, but really it's not; it's consistently refreshing and enriching, and these are things that are real and healthy.

#282 catching someone talking to themselves

I was driving on HWY401 the other day and I often forget that people often look into other people's cars. Why does this matter, well it mostly has to do with the fact that I often sing to myself in the car without realising that I probably look pretty funny to an outsider. When I was driving then, the other day, I got stuck in a bit of traffic. As cars were slowing down, I turned down my music, not to annoy the cars around me with my blaring tunes, but was still bobbing my head to whatever song was on the radio. I looked to my left and saw a middle aged man in his car pounding away on his steering wheel to the beat of whatever song he was listening to. He was so into it. I thought that this was awesome, and realised how much I love catching people doing that, or even talking to themselves. I think it's because they are moments that people truly lack all inhibitions. We all sing or talk to ourselves from time to time, at home, in a car, in the shower, etc. But when you catch someone doing it, I think there's something kind of special about that. Because they are very personal acts often intended to only be appreciated by the person performing them. If you receive them well, without judging or making fun of the person, its a very nice way to let people know that it's ok to be themselves, even if that means pounding on a steering wheel in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

#281 blue & white collar workers

With the late hours and the amount of years, that I put in at my school, I've gotten to know the custodial staff quite well. Blue collar work, the way I see it, is just as significant as white collar jobs. At the end of the day I think the two often satisfy the different parts of ourselves and society. For one, blue collar work is often physical, immediate, close focused and perhaps to do with the parts that we often don't want to think about, (who cleans the toilets, where does the garbage go, how do these things get made?) For the most part white collar jobs tend to stick within theoretical and less-tangible aspects of life. This of course is a bit of generalization, but what I'm trying to say is that one is not any better than the other. You can find this sort of rivalry between the two. I hate it when people don't respect blue collar workers, this happened a bit today, which is what sparked me to write this entry. But I guess at the same time I don't like it when people assume that all white collar workers are stuffed up snobs. Because I don't think it's about a matter of superiority and inferiority, although that's often what is alluded towards. It's more a matter of interests. Some people don't find it worth the trouble to be part of the ideas and broader aspects of things, they would rather be right in the middle of it, getting dirty and figuring it out. Or at least that's what their skilled to do. Others are brought to both by circumstance, I couldn't afford to go to school, my dad wanted me to be a doctor, etc. At the end of the day both need each other to survive, and both are respectable, if you ask me.

#280 being weird

I received this link yesterday from a friend of mine that made me really happy. What struck me is how well it celebrates & articulates how each of us has idiosyncrasies. I often am pretty open about my ridiculousness, but others are pretty quiet about it. And I actually can't think of anyone I know who doesn't have some strange nuance that really makes them who they are. Even the 'followers' as peopel like to call them, ones who often wear the latest trends, listen to the popular music, and are assumed to not have a unique thought of their own, even these people have distinguishing 'weird' things about them. These are the sorts of things I love to know about people, because they're often inherent or developed qualities that describe their life, where they came from or somethings that have potentially deeply effected them. They are idiosyncrasies that are deeply rooted and show a sign of our humanity; because they are things we can't help but do. We succumb to the humane part of ourselves that has to cry during folk music or can't eat white chocolate because it reminds us too much of a kid that was crying in grade school. All minute, but together paint a picture of the things that have effect us in life; whether or not we even know why.

#279 people that matter

Not worrying what others think of you is probably one of the hardest things that I've had to deal with my life. I know, sounds pretty ridiculous doesn't it? It's funny how many people (me included) restrict, adjust or conform themselves in order to love, have friendships and even survive socially. A lot of people hide many parts of themselves in fear of rejection. A small example is something that I've experienced recently. I got a tattoo not too long ago, and some people love it, others find it as a reason to judge. Obviously it's one small example, but it's really helped me come to terms with the fact that: no matter how nice you are, or how much you know you try to be a good person, some person out there will not agree with your lifestyle or find you as a suitable companion. People are going always to have something to say about everyone, and the one thing you have absolutely no control over is what people think of you. Regardless of how much you try to portray the image you want of yourself, someone will not take it the way you want it. Why do we find it so necessary to convince people of who we are. Everyone does it, some more than others, and the act itself isn't really what I'm criticizing here. It's more the fact that it's wasted energy. I recently read a quote that I think sums up something that I've been really feeling lately, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss. So at the end of the day, I know I'm a good person; by my moral standards, I think I'm doing alright. There are a lot of parts of me that are hard to swallow, sure, but not any more than anyone else. Those who I love and those who love me, don't need me to filter myself. Two of the most important things in life, I think, are forming nurturing relationships and knowing (loving) yourself. If you know you're a good person, surrounded by loving people and making a life that is right for you, all the other shit really doesn't matter - it only limits you from living the life you truly desire.

re-focus

I've been pretty reflective over the last few months. I haven't updated this blog because of personal reasons. I wasn't sure that sharing on a daily basis really reflected my aspirations to maintain a more private life. I've sort of thought about the value of sharing every blessing I get daily, and I'm beginning to rethink that this needs to be a finite and forceful endeavor.
Why should there be a deadline? And why should it be pressured?

So, the new meaning of this blog is to reflect on things that we should be thankful for. Maybe daily, maybe more than once a day or perhaps weekly. I think this is something that has definitely changed my perspective on things and its important to continue to do so.

So stay tuned, for thankful things to come

Day 278 - new age studies

I read an article the other day about how to use your subconscious to help you life. The article outlines how you can ask your subconscious for help just prior to falling asleep. So I tried this the other day, and it did help. Sure, it may sound a little kooky, but I do think that's partially due to the preconceptions and familiarity we have with our psyches nowadays. Psychology is in some ways a new field of study. It has only really been around for just over a century. Most other fields of study, i.e. mathematics, the sciences, the arts, have been around for centuries, so they've gained credibility. But I'm sure that when these theories initially began to surface, they seemed just as 'off beat' as some stuff that I talk about in this blog; meditation, reading your subconscious, letting your inner self guide you. I can see people just rolling their eyes at these sort of concepts, but if you think about it, there are plenty of theories that we found our lives on today that once were sought to be completely outlandish. So a part of me sort of is thankful for believing and being around people who believing in this 'new age' field, makes me feel like I'm rooting for the underdog. I know I know.

Day 277 - spectrum of interests

I was watching a movie tonight, and I was thinking to myself how it's such a great movie, it really should be one of my token favourites. Then I looked over at my DVD library and started thinking about how it's almost ridiculous to start picking out favourites, same with music and anything that really interests you. I think in some ways it's sort of looking at things in a black and white way. Labels never did anyone any good. So rather than categorizing my movie, music and personal interest based on what my favourite is, I've decided to not answer those sort of questions anymore. Why? Cause that sort of stuff doesn't matter. Who cares what my favourite band is, I like an array, because at the end of the day I know this. So today I am thankful for the lack of favourites, and seeing things as a spectrum. Because the more I categorise interests, friends, relationships etc., is the moment that it limits the capacity of anything. You become the type of person who likes wes anderson movies, the girlfriend, the friend with benefits, the party friend, the chick who listens to indie rock, etc. At the end of the day, these interests fluxuate, and labeling them really only lets them be that one thing. So, why bother.

Day 276 - not settling

I recently let go of a potential relationship, and have been questioning whether I just was too hard on all my old relationships; not giving them the chance. But after watching a movie tonight I slowly realised how true to my hopes about love all those decision were. A lot of people may raise a brow or two at my opinions about love, how I'm still convinced there's people out there that we're meant to be with. Call me a romantic but I do think so. I think a lot of people settle for people for reasons they think are important, actually how am I supposed to know that? I'm sure there are plenty of people in this world who are in love with people who they feel a connection with, mentally, spiritually and physically. But at the same time, there are a lot of people who don't believe in that equation anyway, so you can't blame them for not believing in soul mates (which I personally think is an overused term that just makes us romantics sound naive, but whatever). And I think that's just a testament on how I live my life. That sort of love is important to me. But today after watching this movie, that showed this old couple so genuinely in love, I realised that it's not that I was being too "hard" on my past loves no. It's that I wasn't settling, but it was on much more simpler terms than I thought. I was convinced that the person i was meant to be with had to add up to some specific formula that matched my make up, which I guess still sort of stands true, but isn't the common denominator. What I want is someone I know that I will fall in love with over and over again each day; that's it. And it's this clarity that put me at ease. Is too much to hope for? I guess I'll have to find out. But until then there's no ham in not settling for anything less.

Day 275 - old things

I spent the afternoon today in an antique shop, bought a few new records. There's two things from this that have made me happy, one is all the wonderful things in the antique store and two the new records I bought. I am always so calmed by both of these things, old stores packed full of memories, well crafted nick knacks that once meant something to someone and old records, that crackle, have a richness to their sound that you don't find anymore. The reason these things are worth mentioning is because nowadays we live in a time where everything is so accessible to us. You could record a song and have it at your fingertips within minutes. All we buy is almost easily replaceable and mass manufactured. And although a lot of these things have personal meaning to all of us, whenever I listen to an older record or spend hours in an antique shop, I feel so calm. And what I'm about to say falls borderline onto the crazy side, but I feel like these things are talking to me. They're part of a collection of personal histories. They make you stop and listen, at least for me they do. So I'm thankful for that, it sort of fogs out any sense of entitlement that is pretty common nowadays. That or maybe I should have been born in the 1940's or something. Either or works I guess.

Day 274 - lucky pennies

I pick up every penny I find. I have a collection of them on my desk. A good friend of mine gave me the idea to write the dates on them when I find them, so I have been doing this in order to add to my neuroses. I love lucky pennies because they give you hope. Hope is one of those things that helps change your perspective. Sure believing a found penny will in fact change your luck is a little bit outlandish, but I think that letting the occurrence help change your perspective is more what I'm interested in, and that's more the reason i pick up every penny I do see on the ground. Sure I may look ridiculous, but at the end of the day, it helps me stay positive. It helps remind me that, things may be shitty, mediocre, bland or underwhelming, but at any moment that can change. And it's mostly due to my own perception of it.

Day 273 - being called first

A friend of mine called on me today first and foremost when wanting to deal with an issue/ have some company. This meant so much to me. Being the 'first one who's called' really is a blessing. When I think of all the people I instantly want to talk to in my life when a problem arises, I think of the people that are closest to me, my family, and ones I think of as family. And to be that person to a friend of mine really makes me feel valued and humbled. And not only that, but it lets me value the friendship all the more. Because if someone can look to me for that sort of support, I know for a fact that they can be trusted to do the same.

Day 272 - setting moral standards

There are times where the judgement of what is 'right' and 'wrong' becomes less of a universal answer and more of a moral dilemma. as of late I've been toying with a situation that wasn't necessary 'wrong' in a universal sense, but morally I felt extremely guilty. I pulled the plug on the whole experiment, with the conclusion that in the end, it was doing more harm to me and others. Setting standards for your moral compass is good practice. It's easy to just fall into the habit of going with the flow of situations and not thinking about what the moral dilemmas involved are, but it's those standards, I think, that let you lead a life of purpose. And today I am thankful that I decided to take the time to set them on a new experience.

Day 271 - subconciously intentional mistakes

We sometimes make what we think are mistakes, wrong moves or have poor judgement. And today was one of those days. I made a slightly 'wrong' move that was a little out of character for me. But what it told me was that my current situation really wasn't fulfilling. Sometimes when you do something seemingly stupid, I think, is just a way for you to legitimately kick yourself in the butt and say...hey! what the hell have you gotten yourself into. It's an easy out. Pushing yourself over the edge to the point of guilt is a good reason to leave a relationship, quit a job, tell someone something you've been holding in for a long time, the list goes on. And I really do think we subconsciously do it, in order to give ourselves the will power to do what we know is the best, but often harder, decision in the end. So, although slightly foolish, I am thankful for the mistake I made today.

Day 270 - definite laughter

I was visiting a friend today who no matter what our moods are we always, always, end up laughing ourselves silly every time we get together. At the end of the day you need to laugh, and I really do think that's a good gauge of a valuable relationship and friendship. And we often underestimate it. Making someone laugh really effects them on a psychological level. And that sort of bond, where you're constantly laughing, is a very deep connection with a person. It sounds crazy but if you start to think about it, it sort of makes sense. A lot of what we do on a day-to-day basis is pretty trivial, and laughing in some ways is a reminder of the purer parts of ourselves. Having that sort of connection with a person for one just goes to show how simple we really are, and secondly how powerful the simple things are in life. So today I am thankful for those friendships, the ones that make me laugh until it hurts

Day 269 - the olympic games

The Olympic opening ceremonies were on tonight! I think what I love most about the Olympics is that they're so inclusive. For once every two years the world unites in an exhibition of its finest athletes. And no I'm not really a sports fanatic. But I feel that it's the patriotism and camaraderie that the event promotes that makes it so amazing. We as a planet unite in celebrating talent and as a country we celebrate our nation, especially this year where the Olympics (games of Ancient Greek origins) are being held in my home country (Canada). For the first time as I remember, (because I don't remember the Calgary games), the two nations I personally belong to are being celebrated. The games are a reminder of our strengths and where we come from. Watching the opening ceremonies today, from a nation that really does celebrate diversity, I felt so proud and moved. They promote good sportsmanship and celebrate positivity. Although I'm sure there's more competitiveness that goes along with all of that, but what I'm focusing on is the uniting force the Olympic Games have, on a nation and on a global scale.

Day 268 - 'bob' sharing his experience with me

A friend of mine was sharing a story of his to me today. He was telling me about a moment he had where he immediately changed how much he shared with his friends, colleagues and people around him. I'm finding it hard to ride the line of sharing too much with people and not sharing anything at all. He told me that a man once gave him solid advice he said to him "You know, you're an easy target, you wear your heart on your sleeve, you're business is everywhere. If someone wanted to hurt you they could easily do so." And it was then that this friend of mine realised that sharing too much personal information is in fact problematic. I'm still not sure where I stand with this, where that line lies what is too much? what is too little, in that you're just putting up unnecessary walls? I guess that sort of stuff comes with time. But today I am thankful for that reminder, because I've found myself slipping into bad habits recently and feeling as though I am spreading myself a little too thin, (says the girl with the personal blog). Either way, I'm happy he shared that experience with me.

Day 267 - following what you want

I have a tendency to ask many people for opinions on matters that I'm concerned with. I've been thinking recently about my tattoo, and I've been talking to a variety of people about it. I had a new friend of mine with a few tattoos tell me something today that really stuck with me. He said, "you're asking way too many people for advice on this." This is something I never really looked at as a problem, I sort of understood that spreading yourself too thin can be detrimental, but opinions, really? But the more I thought about the more I realised that it didn't matter. At the end of the day something like this, that will only affect my life should not be influenced by others opinions. I think in life we often forget that. It's important that we consider others when making decisions, but when they're life or lifestyle choices we always have to remember that at the end of the day who do we really answer to? If your happy, then it shouldn't matter, because the people that count will be there. So today I am thankful for the reminder that when I am making these choices, I need to first and foremost consider what I want from the situation.

Day 266 - long walks

It was roughly 3:45pm and I was meeting my friends for supper at around 6:30pm in another part of the city. I started walking towards the destination assuming that I would kill some time and most likely take public transit once I grew tired. Roughly four and a half kilometers later, after diddling around stores, coffee shops and this and that's on the way there, I found myself in front of my friends house, without breaking a sweat. We live in an extremely fast paced culture, where we often forget to stop and smell the roses. I had the chance today to take a quicker route and doddle around in one spot for longer but chose to enjoy the journey instead. And this wasn't even intentional, I just kept saying to myself, should I get on the streetcar? Nah, I'll walk a bit more. What I've really taken from today is the value in enjoying the ride. We're always zooming by in cars, transit, even walking, that we forget to savour the journey. I wonder if before the car was invented if people understood that there were a lot of things to cherish on the way to a destination. Or what ever happened to road trips, now they seem more like a novelty than a necessity. It's like record players and hand drawn artwork, it's not as common nowadays, but a novel choice. But it's these things, these moments that celebrate process that remind us the journey actually forms the destination. Because you learn from it, and firm your decision to go somewhere. Is it worth it? Do I really want to go there? Would I rather go back? Or somewhere else?

Day 265 - age

I went out with my girlfriends last night to a bar, when we realised that we may have been one of the more older people there. I suddenly felt 100 times more confident. Strange I guess, but I think age does that to you. And although I'm only 26, you start to realise that there are so many things that I've experienced, know and fully understand that I've experienced in the seven (if not more) years of life I have on most of the people in that bar. And that's not to say that they're lives are lesser for it, no, they're at different points. And most of the time we fear age, except for some milestones that have been made by society. But for the most part, people tend to dread getting older. But the reality is, age isn't something to be feared but admired. Think of looking into an old persons eyes, or their hands. Seeing all the age spots, the little flecks that have developed over time. That's experiences. That's strength. That's conviction. Life is something that should be experienced and savoured, and I think that's something to realise with age. And rather than worrying that you're the oldest person in the bar, why not realise that you've experiences and understand that environment and situation more than the people around you. Because you know it like a person knows their home town, you've experienced it thoroughly. And that's not something that should devalue you, but rather the opposite.