Gf*Bf - a movie review

Just last weekend, I watched a Taiwanese movie called Gf*Bf, which stands for Girlfriend * Boyfriend, a literal translation of the original Chinese title. Spoilers are ahead of course, but first, a trailer of the movie!

Trailer of Gf*Bf

The movie spans across a few decades and follows 3 teenagers as they grow through different phases in life - from high school to college to adulthood and finally as middle age adults. It is part coming of age story, part social commentary on homosexual and heterosexual relationship, and above all, a disquieting observation on the realities of life.

The movie starts during the tumultuous martial law period in 1980s Taiwan. Set against this period are 3 teenagers caught in an awkward love triangle - Aaron loves Mabel, but she only has eyes for Liam, who is secretly in love with Aaron. This movie might come across quite similar to "Eternal Summer" and "You're the Apple of My Eye" but do not be fooled. This movie is much richer, subtler and more delicate. Weaving through the painful love story is a very caustic observation on life and society. In the beginning, we see Aaron as the rebellious teen who believes that "if one person dances, it is called rebellion, but if the whole school dance, it is the student's will". He certainly lives by this motto through college and becomes part of student activist team that demands Taiwan become a fully functioning democracy. But for all Aaron is, he eventually becomes the cheating husband of a rich woman and a lackey to his rich and politically connected father-in-law. The feisty Mabel, who holds her own ground and confronts a shower full of naked high-school boys becomes the mistress of Aaron, because she can't find fulfilment in Liam. And Liam, who is the quiet, shy and repressed teenager eventually dates a married father.

From left to right: Liam, Mabel, Aaron

It is as if life played a cruel joke on all three of them. But at the same time, this is not something too far fetched. As we all grow, we know people who become slaves to the life they chose to lead, and yet we root for them, as we are rooting for the characters to do something else with their lives. We know that they can choose a different path in life, but they don't. There's almost a sense of helplessness as they become driftwood floating along the sea of life. This sense of helplessness is very delicately brought across by Yang (director of the film). There are many things left unsaid, so much so that even the scenes are deliberately kept vague - you need to watch on to understand what an earlier scene meant. A metaphor for life perhaps - that one will only understand today with the hindsight of tomorrow.

This film is also a strong social commentary on homosexual relationships. While Taiwan is fast becoming a gay bastion in Asia, there are still many laws that prevent homosexual couples from forming families - there are no provisions for same-sex marriages nor homosexual adoptions. The question one asks here is why? Is there an assumption that heterosexual relationship is the right relationship which has a happy ending? Clearly, in "Gf*Bf" there is no such happy ending. Almost every heterosexual relationship depicted is broken in some way. Mabel's mother is a stage dancer who does not acknowledge her daughter and runs away to another city. Aaron is in a loveless marriage and is having an affair with Mabel. Liam dates a guy who is married and even has a son, but continues the relationship with Liam anyway. Set against the social revolution in the 80s and 90s Taiwan, the lack of progress of homosexual rights seems even more ironic. If the people can muster up the will to demand a fully functioning democracy for Taiwan, why can't the people do the same for homosexual rights? Yang seems to lead us down this line of questioning with the wedding of the the flamboyant Sean. But a wedding it is not, rather it is a loud and lewd foam party with taut male torso. Is this what the Taiwanese homosexual community is destined to be - a faceless, superficial community who will "drop all grievances to attend a party"?

At the end of the day, Aaron, Mabel and Liam yearn to love and be loved - all their pains come from trying to love. The awkward love triangle has no apparent resolution until the viewer realizes that Liam in 2012 is the father (and guardian) of the love-children of Mabel (who passes on) and Aaron (who did not want to give up his current life for Mabel). It's an extremely bittersweet conclusion to the love triangle - a cruel joke almost. Yet in a way, everything is "resolved" in this unconventional family.

Yang, in his directorial statement said that this movie is about love and family, and that he wants the audience to know that "no matter what shape [family] takes on, no matter gay or straight, the main thing to understand is where there is love, there is family." And this unconventional family is, strangely the result of love.

Go watch it, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

The City Harvest Saga

A post like this certainly needs a disclaimer, so here we go: This post is not about religion, it is about the institution City Harvest Church which purports to represent a specific branch of christianity. 


We don't need much introduction on the City Harvest Church (henceforth CHC) saga that has unfolded over the past couple of days, but for the sake of referring back to this post some time in the future, and for individuals to make quick references, below are a few links that tell us the facts of the case:

• Report by CNA on the charge
• Infographic on chronology of events 
• Press Release by CoC

What surprised me about this chain of event is not only the extent of the misappropriation of funds - some $50 million, but rather the reaction of the city harvest church-goers. Certainly the fact that $23 million later and all we get is China Wine and Kill Bill is of course shocking, but I contend that this crazed defense really takes the cake.

When CNA and ST broke the news, it was no more than a rephrasing of the press release of Commission of Charities' (CoC) findings, and the facts are such that after 2 years of investigation, they found that money was used inappropriately through the Crossover Project and all the other details you can read. But the immediate reaction of the CHC goers were not to think about what happened, why it happened, but to immediately jump to defense that are not even related:

1.) They defend that the cross-over project helped many people
2.) They say that they knew exactly where the money was going to
3.) They are very sure that Kong Hee did not do it
4.) They say that the media is biased (I do give it to them that there is intense media scrutiny)
5.) They asked us not to judge without knowledge
6.) They say that Sun Ho is an amazing singer (I know right)
7.) They say that he has sacrificed everything and he knows what he is doing.

What I don't get is why can't facts just speak for itself? There is simply no logic going on there, it is completely emotional and devoid of any thought, nor knowledge. Just to address a few of the above.

1.) Whether the cross-over project helped people or not is not the point, to be certain the number of people helped is something we can't measure by money, but again this is missing the point. The point is that the cross-over project is being used a conduit to channel funds to fund Sun Ho's music career outside the church. Which is not what a CHARITY is supposed to do. Hello, how did anyone miss out the whole point of this, which was why the Commission of CHARITIES is involved. If Kong Hee is running a private enterprise, he also needs to be accountable to his stakeholders on where exactly the monies goes to, what more a charity.

2.) No they don't period. What else is there to say about this?

3.) Now someone wrote to CoC which you can read it here alleging CoC has defamed CHC. They are really misunderstanding the definition of defamation. CoC wrote about what they found after investigation and one cannot allege defamation for something that is true based on investigations. They can contend this in court, but you CANNOT allege it to be defamatory.


What struck me how CHC goers appears to worship Kong Hee the pastor, and forget that he is not god (whether I believe god exist is not the focus of this article). The way they jump to his defense without even listening to logic is very scary. It is as if Kong Hee is infallible and he is perfect. Even if ALL evidence confronted shows him to be guilty, they will still insist it is otherwise, it is a conspiracy and all that jazz.

Why do people behave like this? Cognitive dissonance. It actually helps explain a lot of things, but in this case, it is the classic case study. What is cognitive dissonance? It is that uncomfortable feeling we get when our very firm beliefs are challenged or in conflict, and in that situation, what usually happens is that people will justify away whatever was challenging their beliefs. The most famous documentation of this was a doomsday cult who sincerely believed the world would end on a particular day, and when it didn't end, they believed their religion even more - that they have been kept alive to spread the word of their religion.

This is playing out in the same way here: CHC goers have been led to believe stories about Kong Hee and their church, and at this moment in time, despite being confronted with evidence, CHC goers cannot reconcile this with their beliefs - and we don't need to guess which way they went.

But why do people so follow CHC and Kong Hee with such 'conviction' and I am using this word very loosely here? In psych and communication classes, we study persuasion techniques of cults to convince people to join them and stick with them. It is honestly a few common techniques, which you will recognize very quickly as something CHC does:

1. People are put in physically or emotionally distressing situations;
2. Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized;
3. They receive what seems to be unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group;
4. They get a new identity based on the group;
5. They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled.

Familiar? I guess so, and during his sermons and preaches, you will recognize hypnotizing techniques which can be used to suggest and convince people of things they may not otherwise do so:

1. Minimize distraction and make the subjects feel comfortable
2. Tell the subjects to concentrate on something specific, like an imagined scene
3. Tells the subject what to expect, such as relaxation, or jubilation or etc.
4. Tell the subject what sensation or events he knows will occur, like "your eyes are getting tired", which the subject will interpret as caused by the hypnotist suggestion and accepts them as an indication that something is happening, this increase in expectation that the hypnotist will make things happen in the future makes the person even more susceptible.

And I have been hypnotized as part of a school experiment before and I can tell you that it certainly feels like that.




I hope this sheds light on why they are behaving in the way that they are, and like my lovely senior Chang says, the actual victims are CHC goers, but they just do not realize it.

Read more:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult

http://www.workingpsychology.com/cult2.html
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/students-left-mass-hypnosis-demonstration-goes-awry-233654807.html

Updates on life, Hong Kong and Beijing

As always, I will lapse into periods where I stop blogging. I can't say that I am short of time, because to be honest I have quite a good work-life balance unless I am on field work. I guess it is more a matter that I am trying to figure out why I blog and what do I want to write here, and who do I want to be reading this, especially in this day and age of Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook and Twitter have no doubt changed the way we communicate and share things, but it is something I am growing weary of, especially now that everything I want to read requires them to access my details and then tell everyone what I read on their site. I am so sick of it that most of the time I don't even allow them to do it. And while Twitter is good for quick and dirty updates and news feed, it is hardly a forum to express deep thinking and ideas. Oh yes, Facebook is terribly bad at allowing us to search for our old posts, so things do get lost in the mess that is our timeline

I started blogging in 2001 (on this other old platform) because I wanted a space to write and document my thoughts and emotions. Somewhere along the line, I switched to a pen and paper diary where (surprise, surprise) I write everything down in Chinese. However this habit of introspection of mine kinda stopped previously because life really got too busy - work, family, friends; hardly have time left for myself!

So who I am writing for now that I am sitting here and writing this post? I guess I am primarily writing for myself, as a diary. But at the same time, I don't want to share 100% of how I feel exactly, because we know that is just a nasty place don't we? I kid. I guess it is more so because the internet is so open, that anyone can stumble upon this place. But the truth is also that I do want people to stumble here and see what I have to say. It is one of those contradictions that I can't resolve in my head right now.

What has been up with me?

1. Hong Kong Work Trip

Just a while, I went to Hong Kong for a work trip, and it definitely is the highlight of my career so far because it was one the best project that I have ever done. I went with a colleague to Hong Kong as the 2nd leg of a study of the silver segment and their attitudes toward health and health supplements. It was a very exciting and interesting study made even better because we entered the respondents homes to understand them even more, and also because of the great company I had in Hong Kong!

I had an excellent time exploring Hong Kong, and it made me realize that you do need to know at least some locals to tell you where to go and what to see. Had an amazing time weaving through the small streets and eating extremely local street-side food.

Took this along Central where the old ladies sit and gather to chat

I really love this shot because to me, this is the quintessential shot of Hong Kong

And that's Mo and I

2. Beijing Trip with mom

And just a couple of weeks before this, over the Good Friday long weekend, I took a couple of days leave and brought mommy to Beijing. Its my first time going on a long holiday with mom and this is something that I have been meaning to do for quite a while. I mean when I was young, my parents worked very hard to make sure that I got an education, they scrimped and they saved, and now that I am finally working, I think it is only right that I make sure they can get to enjoy themselves.

Stayed with my friend who is working in Beijing and we basically just went exploring. It was really lovely to just go around a place without the pressure of a time table. We went to many places and was really awed at how hugeass these places were. However, we were quite disappointed at how badly preserved the monuments and artifacts were. It was dusty and dirty, the artifacts were encased by glass which no one bothered to clean, the wood was old and dry, the colours were coming off. It certainly looked its age though.

The requisite photo of the Great Wall. This was the MuTianYu section

That's me doing the 'walking' shot!

And that's mom and I!

So that was a quick highlight of what's been going on. What might life be in the next week? Some cycling and some dates and I don't know, but I will be sure to update!

XOXO!

Redundant Questions

I saw the photo above on Facebook and thought that it was utterly hilarious, and to mention very true. I am sure we have all experienced where people asked us really obvious and redundant questions. My mom for example, is the reigning queen of this. She would see me come in through the door and ask me if I am home. I really do not know what to reply! Often I feel cheeky and tell her "no, this is all an illusion" and she would glare at me.

I am sure you might have also encountered another situation that happens rather often: when queuing up to pay for something, the sales assistant asked you if you are queuing up. To this we should always answer, "No, I am just standing here holding something from your shop waiting for 5 minutes for the fun of it".

Well I am not annoyed by redundant questions or anything. I do find it very funny actually! Especially all the possible witty replies that one can come up with. For now, whenever someone asks me if I am sleeping, I will reply, "No. I'm training to die"

Why you will never get a cab in Singapore when you need one

So today the Straits Times proudly declared that the cab situation has been miraculously solved by the fare hikes. But taking a closer look at EVERYBODY's twitter and facebook, we know that this is simply not true. The situation seems to have worsened at the 9am mark and the 10-1030pm mark. To be sure, for people travelling under 10km during the 8am timings and the evening 7pm timings, they have cost savings because the surcharge dropped by 10% and the fee hike increase does not yet rise above the 10% savings.

But for the rest of us, getting a cab is STILL a nightmare. The reason is very simple - the demand and supply has been completely screwed up by the neverending, complicated surcharge structure. (I trust that we don't need to revisit the surcharge details). Think about it, why would a driver want to be on the road at 10pm when at midnight, the extra surcharge goes from 25% to 50%? Any knowing that drivers do split-up day shift/night shift, they would need to head back and wash the car before passing it to the night shift driver. And it will happen at THIS time (10.30 pm) because the damn 50% surcharge kicks in at midnight. So no matter what they (CDG or the government) do, the moment there is a surcharge this will happen.

LONG queues for cabs, experienced this recently??

Same thing at 4.30am thereabouts, there will be NO CABS because the night shift driver has earned enough and since the surcharge is going down to 25% at 6am, they will go back and rest or pass the car to the day shift driver. Then there are those who will push and drive until 8 plus and then head back to rest. So this leaves everyone with little cabs at the timings near surcharge changes.

And with booking fees, many cab drivers just wait around to get people to call and book and earn that extra amount.

The simple supply and demand has been screwed. If there is a demand and a chance to make money, there will be supply. There will always be cab drivers at night because Singaporeans stay out late and at locations where there are night owls, even without the 50% surcharge, there will be cab drivers. At airports, even without surcharges, there will always be people heading to the airport in cabs, and therefore there will always be cabs available to pick up landing passengers. The problem now is that there are just too many cabs queuing up for HOURS at the airport to earn that surcharge, leading to.... no cabs in other places.

The REALLY long queues of cab waiting at Changi

What is the solution to this? Let there be NO surcharges. Simple as that. Or if you must, a token $2 for bookings, although in Hong Kong one gets a discount for bookings. That's it, that will solve this stupid cab situation that we have created for ourselves. Note that there are no cab shortage problems in Hong Kong despite there being less cab per population as compared to Singapore!

Brenda's Wedding!

That's the gorgeous bride Brenda, and I

Over the weekend, I attended the wedding dinner of a dear friend, Brenda! It was such a lovely wedding that it makes me want to have a little ceremony with (hopefully) Fabian some time in the near future! The wedding was something that I would want for myself - a small intimate affair with close friends and immediate family. Because a wedding, for me, is a an ceremony of commitment that I want the people dearest to me to witness, and not for the whole gin-gang of my mom's friends and my dad's friends and relatives of 10 degrees or what have you; which is really what a lot of weddings have become today.

Its a tired formula of "snatching the bride" in the morning, then rushing for the tea ceremony, before rushing to the hotel, and then attending a banquet of countless tables, and rushing from table to table to say hi for 5 mins and a photo, and rushing off again. Add in cheesy collage photos from childbirth to how the couple met, and of course the walk-in music of 'From This Moment On' by Shania Twain and there you go, a classic Singapore wedding.

What I really love about Bren's wedding is that its so simple, cocktails and vows (which we missed because we assumed it doesn't start on time, and boy were we wrong!), and then a buffet dinner at a lovely venue - One Rochester. Love the outdoor verandah, and sitting down with friends that I have not seen for a while and catching up. Because it was small, the bride also had plenty of time to come sit with us and chat till 1am! I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had, just gossiping and talking and laughing and teasing the bride!

Bren looking really pretty.

I am so happy to see the couple so happily in love for so many years and finally tying the note. For myself, I hope one day I can be legally married to my partner because it is a commitment that I want to make, and the legal hassles of not being married can be very arduous, but I will touch on that in a blog post another day. In any case, even if I can't get legally married, I will want a ceremony!!

Bye bye Ph.D

I had a lovely chat with Jeremiah today and it is quite amazing to be able to just sit and chat with an old friend like that, and that's the thing about friendship isn't it, once you have a strong foundation, one can go away for long periods of time and it is easy to just pick off where we left off. There is no awkwardness or anything like that. And it really got me thinking about friendship and life in general.

I am at that point in life, as you would see in all chick flicks, where friends around me starts to get married, or even have babies, and I am of course happily going about my life, with my group of girlfriends wondering where we are headed, all the while looking fabulous and sipping cosmopolitan. Sounds like a scene out of Sex and the City isn't it? It did happen before, really just that we were not ALL sipping cosmo. We were at the point in life where the 4 of us are not really sure what on earth are we doing with our lives, we were all not really in a committed relationship, and some of us have commitment issues. We are well into our first jobs, but we are not really what to do next, and those were enjoyable evenings bitching about all these married friends - why on earth would they marry so young! Don't they have goals that they want to achieve!

Not the Four of us, but this was Alexis, Nette, me and our senior Jocelyn at ZoukOut 2011

One of my goals when I was schooling was to get a Ph.D, in Clinical Psychology, so that I can be practicing psychologist and help patients, because as all of you know by now, I sorta have the Buddha Complex (yes I just coined that term up myself) and I can't help but feel the need to want to do good and help people. I thought maybe I could that by being a psychologist. There was also the element of intellectual pursuit, because nothing is more valuable in life than a life of learning and knowledge pursuit.

Mom, Dad and I on my Convocation Day, 2009!

But as I work, the goal seems to get further and further away. It just does not make any sense for to spend 5 years of my life to do that. In Singapore, males are already behind by 2 years because of National Service, and I cannot imagine taking 5 years off, living as a poor student and then restarting my search for a career at 32. And its not like getting a Ph.D will significantly increase the pay. Then there is the startling realization of how ridiculously expensive Singapore has become. How am I ever going to be independent with my own property if I start my career pursuit so late in life. Its not like I come from a rich family that will allow me to not bother about anything in life.

Let me just do some VERY simple sums for you. As a gay man I can only buy private property or HDB resale at 35, so a simple condo of $800,000 will require me to have a downpayment of 20% minimum, whereby the minimum cash outlay is 5% and the other 15% can be from CPF. It also means that I need $40,000 cash and $120,000 in CPF. Even if one maxes out their CPF contribution, it would take about 7 to 8 years to have that much CPF, and then after you DEPLETE it, what about retirement?

What this means is that for me to have my own property at some point in life, I absolutely need to work like a slave, and spend the rest of my life paying off my loans. Tragic isn't it? But I can't leave Singapore either, because my family is here, and I want to take care of my parents when they age. So this is really the problem that the middle-class faces.

I guess at this point of time, I am indeed going to give up the idea of ever doing a Ph.D because its simply not feasible. This does not mean that I do not ever want to further my studies. At some point in time, I might take a sabbatical and do a 1-2 years masters in something maybe. But I am fairly certain that right now, I am writing off a doctorate.

Such is life.