2015!

Well it has been a long time since I've blogged (no posts in 2014!), and it seems so interesting that blogging is now something that is so different from how it started out. I remember the days when it was a little journal that we "type" instead of "write", and instead of keeping in it locked up in the room, it goes onto the blackhole that is the internet.

And now a blackhole it is no longer, and people are monetising their blogs, etc etc. But for me I still prefer to keep mine personal; as a place to write my thoughts, document parts of my life, and if you are so reading this, then I hope you enjoy parts of my life that I am sharing here - and also on Facebook of course.

So yes, 2015 is here, and the world is still here, and no, we will not be miraculously different from yesterday, but I suppose it is good to spend some time and reflect on life, and what we've achieved. And also to think about how else we would like to grow in the new year.

Reflecting on 2014, I think it has honestly been a mostly great year:

1. My career is continuing to grow, and every day I am learning how to do better!
2. Life is stable with little drama - what more can we ask for?
3. Quality time spent with friends - what's with all the parties and cookout and holidays!

4. Went to Turkey with my mom and Fabian!

5. I surprised myself and climbed a mountain!

What a busy year!

But honestly, I wished I had more time to spend on myself, with family, with Fabian and with friends. I barely read 3 or 4 books this year! That's terrible!

So in thinking about what I want to do this year, I realised it is prudent to remember that our life is the way it is because of the choices we make, which means that realistic goals need to be set - we need to know what we are going to give up. Because we just can't do it all.

I suppose the one thing I need to get better at is to manage work and life, and strike an ideal balance so that I can continue to progress at work and at the same time have time for the other things that are important in my life.

I am also starting to think that goals should not be material, but it should be about how I can grow, how much more I can experience as a person... and not about having more things - I am sorry but that is really shallow.

So after much thought here goes.... In 2015 I want to

1. Get my diving license. 
This has been something that I have been interested in, but never gotten around to doing it because of fear really - fear of dangers associated with diving. And of course money, it is quite an expensive activity. But I love water, and I love being in water, so I hope this will allow me to spend more time with people I love, and give me the space for introspection.

Plans are already underway!


2. Climb another mountain
I never ever thought I would be able to in the first place. I've always thought of myself as not fit enough but it is almost always a mental battle, as much as a physical battle. I trained hard in 2014 and managed to climb Kinabalu - such a proud moment! Hopefully it will be one of the mountains in Bali/Lombok


3. Be healthier 
And concretely, this means exercising 2 times a week (a combination of either Yoga, Pilates, Swimming or Gym) at the expense of going out for social appointments, and also keeping my work hours to the scheduled time.

Yes being finally 30, it means that I cannot take my health for granted anymore. So aside from exercising, I also need to eat slightly healthier, and completely avoid all cigarettes.

Alcohol will (and have been) my sole vice.


4. Quality time with family, and friends
Again, concretely, this would mean that I balance work hours better (and be more efficient!), and I want to COOK A LOT MORE this year for family and friends. So dinner gatherings would be a lovely way to spend more quality time together. Watch out for a new blog maybe???


5. Fabian
It is last, because it will be mushy, and details will be spared. But yes, time for just the two of us is most definitely in order.


All right then. See you all in a bit.

Book Review: Ladyboys: The Secret World Of Thailand's Third Gender

Ladyboys: The Secret World Of Thailand's Third Gender by Pornchai Sereemongkonpol
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When reading a collection of stories, we can choose to think about the book as a sum of the individual stories, or to think about the narrative stringing these stories together. And unfortunately, for this book, the narrative is much more interesting (and thought provoking) than the individual stories.

As stories read together, this book offers us a peep into the lives of the ladyboys through their own words. We know, briefly, the story of these ladyboys - how it was like growing up, when did they start being aware of their sexuality (and gender issues), the operation (if there was), and what life is like now. And through this method of story telling, we are introduced to 9 lady boys, from the famous Nong Toom, the beautiful boxer, Auntie Nong, the ageing dancer, and to 7 other lady boys.

The simple story arc, however, does not do justice to these individuals because it leaves the reader wanting. Wanting to know more about their trials and tribulations, the emotions that these individuals go through beyond feeling rejected, and all the finer details in their stories that we are left out of. Without all these layers in the stories, each “chapter” feels like a repetition of the previous chapter, because arguably, people's lives are pretty similar to one another.

What piqued my interest however was the bigger narrative behind these stories - the social dimension/pressure of fitting in with older kathoeys, and the conservatism of Thailand.

It might come as a surprise to some, but Thailand is a conservative country. Behind all the glitzy neon lights in the Patpong district of Bangkok, the beaches of Pattaya, is a country still deeply rooted in traditions - something that the tourist to Bangkok will not even begin to suspect. In Thailand, there is a still a huge population of people who are living in rural areas where gender roles are still very much expected to be followed; not doing so brings shame to the family and that is something that most Thais would consider doing. This conservatism comes through policies as well - individuals who have gone through gender realignment surgery is not officially recognised as the gender he/she has become post-surgery.

And so when someone young realises that he or she does not fit into the prescribed gender roles, we see much anxiety and agony growing up. They have to withstand constant bullying and name-calling from others. and this can often lead to disastrous outcome, such as severe depression and teenage suicide - something very prevalent amongst individuals with gender identity disorder.

What is interesting here is the comfort that the older kathoeys provide to the struggling teenage protagonists. The older kathoeys are seen as beacons of hope - individuals who can navigate the maze of everyday realities, individuals who made it in the difficult road of life, and someone to provide emotional support. But what I also got out of the book, is that these older kathoeys create a sense social pressure for the young protagonists to become one of them. They have essentially “judged” and determined that they are one of the ladyboys.

It is somewhat disturbing to read words coming from the older kathoeys, suggesting that the younger individual should embrace his inner woman and go for a gender realignment surgery. And indeed all of the protagonist in this book who went for the surgery did so with the support/pressure from the older kathoeys. Some felt that it was the best thing to have happened, one regretted it.

And it got me thinking, once again, on the fluidity, and the non fluidity of sexuality; and that of gender identity. Having read psychology as one of my majors in college, the effects of Gender Identity Disorder is something that I know of, and to that end, I actively try to educate others about it - that it is a real issue that causes severe trauma to individuals. It is not something as simple as a person suddenly waking up one day and decides to be of another gender.

But through the stories here, I am confronted with the fact that there are a lot of social pressures within the transgendered community in Thailand to go for surgery - it is about status, and not about psychological wellbeing. What drives some of these individuals is the glamour of the community hanging out together.

This makes me wonder, is this the “secret world of Thailand’s third gender”, as the title suggests? If only the book would give us more than what it does



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Book Review: Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death and Hope in a Mumbai Slum

Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death and Hope in a Mumbai Slum. Katherine Boo by Katherine Boo
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Reviewing this book is not something that came easily to me, because this book is somewhat different from what I had expected. Picking up a book on India almost means that one will either be reading about the rags to riches stories, detailed emotional stories of the underclass, or some other stories that will arouse strong emotions in the reader. Not this book.

What is beautiful about this book is that it does not milk you for your sympathy, it does not wrench your heart, nor make you cry and weep over the lives of the 'residents' of Annuwadi. Instead it presents to the reader a novel of the every day lives of the undercity dwellers - the "life, death and hope" of them as individuals, and as a loose community who lived together not because they chose to. And so rather than crying your heart out about the tragic lives that they lead, we finish the book gaining new perspective and new understanding.

We feel like we have learned about the stories and the lives of the many different individuals in the book, and about Annuwadi. We feel like we might have more than an inkling of what every day is like for the residents there. We feel like we might have known the inner workings of the bureaucracy surrounding the fast developing Mumbai. Katherine manages to achieve this because she did not write a novel about one protagonist and the happenings around his/her life, instead she wrote about the many people of Annuwadi. She gave voices to different individuals - to Abdul, the garbage sorter who keeps the family business running because he’s really good at his job; to Manju, the college going daughter of the female slumlord Asha; to Sunhil, a scavenger who has to keep going to keep him and his sister alive, and many others.

And not once did Katherine allow herself to come into character, not once did she hint at any form of sympathy towards them, because the dwellers are not the poor and pathetic Indian caricatures that readers may have in their mind. So while we read about the corruption that happened to the Annuwadians time and again, the injustice that befalls them, the terrible living conditions they face, we come to realize that this is par for the course for the Annuwadians.

When we realize this, I suppose the bigger emotion is the hope that each individual Annuwadian have for tomorrow. That despite all of that, they carry on, hour by hour, day by day, week by week. And this “hope”, is seldom the stereotypical big hopes and dreams that we are used to, mostly it is a hope for something more immediate – putting food on the table, being able to give lessons to the children, making sure that the child is safe from danger.

Yes the book might not satisfy in the way we expect –it lacks the emotional arc that we might have become used to. Yes the book does indeed portray the world outside Annuwadi as somewhat of a ‘dark evil capitalist’ world. But this book is really not about those things. It is not about pitting the Annuwadians against the rising modern Mumbai, but instead it is a stunning portrait of the lives of the people living behind the wall filled with the advertising for “Beautiful Forevers” - a somewhat poignant dividing wall of modern Mumbai airport, and the modern Mumbai slums.


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Book Review: Aziz's Notebook: At the heart of the Iranian Revolution

So on my most recent trip to India, I stayed in Haus Khaz Village over the weekend, and I wondered around the lovely village and stumbled into Yodakin bookstore. It is a fiercely independent bookstore that stocks the most amazing collection of publishing houses that will delight all you liberals. Books ranges from religion, to sexuality, to caste issues etc.

I picked up many books, including one on the Iranian revolution. My interested about Iran was really piqued by Agro, because I know that there will be many factual inaccuracies in a Hollywood movie, and I really wanted to find out more. And I was really drawn to this book because it is the diary of this guy Aziz, who lived through the revolution... and this diary is unfortunately his memory of the merciless treatment that his daughters were put through by Ayatollah Khomeini's regime for being playing an active role in the revolution

The book was originally translated to French by the author Chowra, the grand daughter of Aziz, who managed to escape to France; and I read the English translation of this book. It is the most heart breaking book I have read to date, more heartbreaking than "Escape from Camp 14".

Aziz, father of Fataneh and Fatameh, grandfather of Chowra, kept a diary so that Chowra would one day know what happened to her mother, Fatameh, and her aunt. Through this painful recounting of the years post Iranian revolution, you cannot help but cry for the people who lived and died during those painful years. There is really nothing much else to say because the writing speaks for itself. The measured words, and restrained writings could not contain the sorrow, the fear and the terror that Aziz feels, and how his heart and soul died along with his daughters. But he is still alive, with that despair, and that glimmer of leaving behind something for his surviving grandchildren.

I can't say anything else but please pick up this book to read.


My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gf*Bf - a movie review

Just last weekend, I watched a Taiwanese movie called Gf*Bf, which stands for Girlfriend * Boyfriend, a literal translation of the original Chinese title. Spoilers are ahead of course, but first, a trailer of the movie!

Trailer of Gf*Bf

The movie spans across a few decades and follows 3 teenagers as they grow through different phases in life - from high school to college to adulthood and finally as middle age adults. It is part coming of age story, part social commentary on homosexual and heterosexual relationship, and above all, a disquieting observation on the realities of life.

The movie starts during the tumultuous martial law period in 1980s Taiwan. Set against this period are 3 teenagers caught in an awkward love triangle - Aaron loves Mabel, but she only has eyes for Liam, who is secretly in love with Aaron. This movie might come across quite similar to "Eternal Summer" and "You're the Apple of My Eye" but do not be fooled. This movie is much richer, subtler and more delicate. Weaving through the painful love story is a very caustic observation on life and society. In the beginning, we see Aaron as the rebellious teen who believes that "if one person dances, it is called rebellion, but if the whole school dance, it is the student's will". He certainly lives by this motto through college and becomes part of student activist team that demands Taiwan become a fully functioning democracy. But for all Aaron is, he eventually becomes the cheating husband of a rich woman and a lackey to his rich and politically connected father-in-law. The feisty Mabel, who holds her own ground and confronts a shower full of naked high-school boys becomes the mistress of Aaron, because she can't find fulfilment in Liam. And Liam, who is the quiet, shy and repressed teenager eventually dates a married father.

From left to right: Liam, Mabel, Aaron

It is as if life played a cruel joke on all three of them. But at the same time, this is not something too far fetched. As we all grow, we know people who become slaves to the life they chose to lead, and yet we root for them, as we are rooting for the characters to do something else with their lives. We know that they can choose a different path in life, but they don't. There's almost a sense of helplessness as they become driftwood floating along the sea of life. This sense of helplessness is very delicately brought across by Yang (director of the film). There are many things left unsaid, so much so that even the scenes are deliberately kept vague - you need to watch on to understand what an earlier scene meant. A metaphor for life perhaps - that one will only understand today with the hindsight of tomorrow.

This film is also a strong social commentary on homosexual relationships. While Taiwan is fast becoming a gay bastion in Asia, there are still many laws that prevent homosexual couples from forming families - there are no provisions for same-sex marriages nor homosexual adoptions. The question one asks here is why? Is there an assumption that heterosexual relationship is the right relationship which has a happy ending? Clearly, in "Gf*Bf" there is no such happy ending. Almost every heterosexual relationship depicted is broken in some way. Mabel's mother is a stage dancer who does not acknowledge her daughter and runs away to another city. Aaron is in a loveless marriage and is having an affair with Mabel. Liam dates a guy who is married and even has a son, but continues the relationship with Liam anyway. Set against the social revolution in the 80s and 90s Taiwan, the lack of progress of homosexual rights seems even more ironic. If the people can muster up the will to demand a fully functioning democracy for Taiwan, why can't the people do the same for homosexual rights? Yang seems to lead us down this line of questioning with the wedding of the the flamboyant Sean. But a wedding it is not, rather it is a loud and lewd foam party with taut male torso. Is this what the Taiwanese homosexual community is destined to be - a faceless, superficial community who will "drop all grievances to attend a party"?

At the end of the day, Aaron, Mabel and Liam yearn to love and be loved - all their pains come from trying to love. The awkward love triangle has no apparent resolution until the viewer realizes that Liam in 2012 is the father (and guardian) of the love-children of Mabel (who passes on) and Aaron (who did not want to give up his current life for Mabel). It's an extremely bittersweet conclusion to the love triangle - a cruel joke almost. Yet in a way, everything is "resolved" in this unconventional family.

Yang, in his directorial statement said that this movie is about love and family, and that he wants the audience to know that "no matter what shape [family] takes on, no matter gay or straight, the main thing to understand is where there is love, there is family." And this unconventional family is, strangely the result of love.

Go watch it, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

The City Harvest Saga

A post like this certainly needs a disclaimer, so here we go: This post is not about religion, it is about the institution City Harvest Church which purports to represent a specific branch of christianity. 


We don't need much introduction on the City Harvest Church (henceforth CHC) saga that has unfolded over the past couple of days, but for the sake of referring back to this post some time in the future, and for individuals to make quick references, below are a few links that tell us the facts of the case:

• Report by CNA on the charge
• Infographic on chronology of events 
• Press Release by CoC

What surprised me about this chain of event is not only the extent of the misappropriation of funds - some $50 million, but rather the reaction of the city harvest church-goers. Certainly the fact that $23 million later and all we get is China Wine and Kill Bill is of course shocking, but I contend that this crazed defense really takes the cake.

When CNA and ST broke the news, it was no more than a rephrasing of the press release of Commission of Charities' (CoC) findings, and the facts are such that after 2 years of investigation, they found that money was used inappropriately through the Crossover Project and all the other details you can read. But the immediate reaction of the CHC goers were not to think about what happened, why it happened, but to immediately jump to defense that are not even related:

1.) They defend that the cross-over project helped many people
2.) They say that they knew exactly where the money was going to
3.) They are very sure that Kong Hee did not do it
4.) They say that the media is biased (I do give it to them that there is intense media scrutiny)
5.) They asked us not to judge without knowledge
6.) They say that Sun Ho is an amazing singer (I know right)
7.) They say that he has sacrificed everything and he knows what he is doing.

What I don't get is why can't facts just speak for itself? There is simply no logic going on there, it is completely emotional and devoid of any thought, nor knowledge. Just to address a few of the above.

1.) Whether the cross-over project helped people or not is not the point, to be certain the number of people helped is something we can't measure by money, but again this is missing the point. The point is that the cross-over project is being used a conduit to channel funds to fund Sun Ho's music career outside the church. Which is not what a CHARITY is supposed to do. Hello, how did anyone miss out the whole point of this, which was why the Commission of CHARITIES is involved. If Kong Hee is running a private enterprise, he also needs to be accountable to his stakeholders on where exactly the monies goes to, what more a charity.

2.) No they don't period. What else is there to say about this?

3.) Now someone wrote to CoC which you can read it here alleging CoC has defamed CHC. They are really misunderstanding the definition of defamation. CoC wrote about what they found after investigation and one cannot allege defamation for something that is true based on investigations. They can contend this in court, but you CANNOT allege it to be defamatory.


What struck me how CHC goers appears to worship Kong Hee the pastor, and forget that he is not god (whether I believe god exist is not the focus of this article). The way they jump to his defense without even listening to logic is very scary. It is as if Kong Hee is infallible and he is perfect. Even if ALL evidence confronted shows him to be guilty, they will still insist it is otherwise, it is a conspiracy and all that jazz.

Why do people behave like this? Cognitive dissonance. It actually helps explain a lot of things, but in this case, it is the classic case study. What is cognitive dissonance? It is that uncomfortable feeling we get when our very firm beliefs are challenged or in conflict, and in that situation, what usually happens is that people will justify away whatever was challenging their beliefs. The most famous documentation of this was a doomsday cult who sincerely believed the world would end on a particular day, and when it didn't end, they believed their religion even more - that they have been kept alive to spread the word of their religion.

This is playing out in the same way here: CHC goers have been led to believe stories about Kong Hee and their church, and at this moment in time, despite being confronted with evidence, CHC goers cannot reconcile this with their beliefs - and we don't need to guess which way they went.

But why do people so follow CHC and Kong Hee with such 'conviction' and I am using this word very loosely here? In psych and communication classes, we study persuasion techniques of cults to convince people to join them and stick with them. It is honestly a few common techniques, which you will recognize very quickly as something CHC does:

1. People are put in physically or emotionally distressing situations;
2. Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized;
3. They receive what seems to be unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group;
4. They get a new identity based on the group;
5. They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled.

Familiar? I guess so, and during his sermons and preaches, you will recognize hypnotizing techniques which can be used to suggest and convince people of things they may not otherwise do so:

1. Minimize distraction and make the subjects feel comfortable
2. Tell the subjects to concentrate on something specific, like an imagined scene
3. Tells the subject what to expect, such as relaxation, or jubilation or etc.
4. Tell the subject what sensation or events he knows will occur, like "your eyes are getting tired", which the subject will interpret as caused by the hypnotist suggestion and accepts them as an indication that something is happening, this increase in expectation that the hypnotist will make things happen in the future makes the person even more susceptible.

And I have been hypnotized as part of a school experiment before and I can tell you that it certainly feels like that.




I hope this sheds light on why they are behaving in the way that they are, and like my lovely senior Chang says, the actual victims are CHC goers, but they just do not realize it.

Read more:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult

http://www.workingpsychology.com/cult2.html
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/students-left-mass-hypnosis-demonstration-goes-awry-233654807.html

Updates on life, Hong Kong and Beijing

As always, I will lapse into periods where I stop blogging. I can't say that I am short of time, because to be honest I have quite a good work-life balance unless I am on field work. I guess it is more a matter that I am trying to figure out why I blog and what do I want to write here, and who do I want to be reading this, especially in this day and age of Facebook and Twitter.

Facebook and Twitter have no doubt changed the way we communicate and share things, but it is something I am growing weary of, especially now that everything I want to read requires them to access my details and then tell everyone what I read on their site. I am so sick of it that most of the time I don't even allow them to do it. And while Twitter is good for quick and dirty updates and news feed, it is hardly a forum to express deep thinking and ideas. Oh yes, Facebook is terribly bad at allowing us to search for our old posts, so things do get lost in the mess that is our timeline

I started blogging in 2001 (on this other old platform) because I wanted a space to write and document my thoughts and emotions. Somewhere along the line, I switched to a pen and paper diary where (surprise, surprise) I write everything down in Chinese. However this habit of introspection of mine kinda stopped previously because life really got too busy - work, family, friends; hardly have time left for myself!

So who I am writing for now that I am sitting here and writing this post? I guess I am primarily writing for myself, as a diary. But at the same time, I don't want to share 100% of how I feel exactly, because we know that is just a nasty place don't we? I kid. I guess it is more so because the internet is so open, that anyone can stumble upon this place. But the truth is also that I do want people to stumble here and see what I have to say. It is one of those contradictions that I can't resolve in my head right now.

What has been up with me?

1. Hong Kong Work Trip

Just a while, I went to Hong Kong for a work trip, and it definitely is the highlight of my career so far because it was one the best project that I have ever done. I went with a colleague to Hong Kong as the 2nd leg of a study of the silver segment and their attitudes toward health and health supplements. It was a very exciting and interesting study made even better because we entered the respondents homes to understand them even more, and also because of the great company I had in Hong Kong!

I had an excellent time exploring Hong Kong, and it made me realize that you do need to know at least some locals to tell you where to go and what to see. Had an amazing time weaving through the small streets and eating extremely local street-side food.

Took this along Central where the old ladies sit and gather to chat

I really love this shot because to me, this is the quintessential shot of Hong Kong

And that's Mo and I

2. Beijing Trip with mom

And just a couple of weeks before this, over the Good Friday long weekend, I took a couple of days leave and brought mommy to Beijing. Its my first time going on a long holiday with mom and this is something that I have been meaning to do for quite a while. I mean when I was young, my parents worked very hard to make sure that I got an education, they scrimped and they saved, and now that I am finally working, I think it is only right that I make sure they can get to enjoy themselves.

Stayed with my friend who is working in Beijing and we basically just went exploring. It was really lovely to just go around a place without the pressure of a time table. We went to many places and was really awed at how hugeass these places were. However, we were quite disappointed at how badly preserved the monuments and artifacts were. It was dusty and dirty, the artifacts were encased by glass which no one bothered to clean, the wood was old and dry, the colours were coming off. It certainly looked its age though.

The requisite photo of the Great Wall. This was the MuTianYu section

That's me doing the 'walking' shot!

And that's mom and I!

So that was a quick highlight of what's been going on. What might life be in the next week? Some cycling and some dates and I don't know, but I will be sure to update!

XOXO!

Redundant Questions

I saw the photo above on Facebook and thought that it was utterly hilarious, and to mention very true. I am sure we have all experienced where people asked us really obvious and redundant questions. My mom for example, is the reigning queen of this. She would see me come in through the door and ask me if I am home. I really do not know what to reply! Often I feel cheeky and tell her "no, this is all an illusion" and she would glare at me.

I am sure you might have also encountered another situation that happens rather often: when queuing up to pay for something, the sales assistant asked you if you are queuing up. To this we should always answer, "No, I am just standing here holding something from your shop waiting for 5 minutes for the fun of it".

Well I am not annoyed by redundant questions or anything. I do find it very funny actually! Especially all the possible witty replies that one can come up with. For now, whenever someone asks me if I am sleeping, I will reply, "No. I'm training to die"

Why you will never get a cab in Singapore when you need one

So today the Straits Times proudly declared that the cab situation has been miraculously solved by the fare hikes. But taking a closer look at EVERYBODY's twitter and facebook, we know that this is simply not true. The situation seems to have worsened at the 9am mark and the 10-1030pm mark. To be sure, for people travelling under 10km during the 8am timings and the evening 7pm timings, they have cost savings because the surcharge dropped by 10% and the fee hike increase does not yet rise above the 10% savings.

But for the rest of us, getting a cab is STILL a nightmare. The reason is very simple - the demand and supply has been completely screwed up by the neverending, complicated surcharge structure. (I trust that we don't need to revisit the surcharge details). Think about it, why would a driver want to be on the road at 10pm when at midnight, the extra surcharge goes from 25% to 50%? Any knowing that drivers do split-up day shift/night shift, they would need to head back and wash the car before passing it to the night shift driver. And it will happen at THIS time (10.30 pm) because the damn 50% surcharge kicks in at midnight. So no matter what they (CDG or the government) do, the moment there is a surcharge this will happen.

LONG queues for cabs, experienced this recently??

Same thing at 4.30am thereabouts, there will be NO CABS because the night shift driver has earned enough and since the surcharge is going down to 25% at 6am, they will go back and rest or pass the car to the day shift driver. Then there are those who will push and drive until 8 plus and then head back to rest. So this leaves everyone with little cabs at the timings near surcharge changes.

And with booking fees, many cab drivers just wait around to get people to call and book and earn that extra amount.

The simple supply and demand has been screwed. If there is a demand and a chance to make money, there will be supply. There will always be cab drivers at night because Singaporeans stay out late and at locations where there are night owls, even without the 50% surcharge, there will be cab drivers. At airports, even without surcharges, there will always be people heading to the airport in cabs, and therefore there will always be cabs available to pick up landing passengers. The problem now is that there are just too many cabs queuing up for HOURS at the airport to earn that surcharge, leading to.... no cabs in other places.

The REALLY long queues of cab waiting at Changi

What is the solution to this? Let there be NO surcharges. Simple as that. Or if you must, a token $2 for bookings, although in Hong Kong one gets a discount for bookings. That's it, that will solve this stupid cab situation that we have created for ourselves. Note that there are no cab shortage problems in Hong Kong despite there being less cab per population as compared to Singapore!

Brenda's Wedding!

That's the gorgeous bride Brenda, and I

Over the weekend, I attended the wedding dinner of a dear friend, Brenda! It was such a lovely wedding that it makes me want to have a little ceremony with (hopefully) Fabian some time in the near future! The wedding was something that I would want for myself - a small intimate affair with close friends and immediate family. Because a wedding, for me, is a an ceremony of commitment that I want the people dearest to me to witness, and not for the whole gin-gang of my mom's friends and my dad's friends and relatives of 10 degrees or what have you; which is really what a lot of weddings have become today.

Its a tired formula of "snatching the bride" in the morning, then rushing for the tea ceremony, before rushing to the hotel, and then attending a banquet of countless tables, and rushing from table to table to say hi for 5 mins and a photo, and rushing off again. Add in cheesy collage photos from childbirth to how the couple met, and of course the walk-in music of 'From This Moment On' by Shania Twain and there you go, a classic Singapore wedding.

What I really love about Bren's wedding is that its so simple, cocktails and vows (which we missed because we assumed it doesn't start on time, and boy were we wrong!), and then a buffet dinner at a lovely venue - One Rochester. Love the outdoor verandah, and sitting down with friends that I have not seen for a while and catching up. Because it was small, the bride also had plenty of time to come sit with us and chat till 1am! I cannot begin to tell you how much fun we had, just gossiping and talking and laughing and teasing the bride!

Bren looking really pretty.

I am so happy to see the couple so happily in love for so many years and finally tying the note. For myself, I hope one day I can be legally married to my partner because it is a commitment that I want to make, and the legal hassles of not being married can be very arduous, but I will touch on that in a blog post another day. In any case, even if I can't get legally married, I will want a ceremony!!

Bye bye Ph.D

I had a lovely chat with Jeremiah today and it is quite amazing to be able to just sit and chat with an old friend like that, and that's the thing about friendship isn't it, once you have a strong foundation, one can go away for long periods of time and it is easy to just pick off where we left off. There is no awkwardness or anything like that. And it really got me thinking about friendship and life in general.

I am at that point in life, as you would see in all chick flicks, where friends around me starts to get married, or even have babies, and I am of course happily going about my life, with my group of girlfriends wondering where we are headed, all the while looking fabulous and sipping cosmopolitan. Sounds like a scene out of Sex and the City isn't it? It did happen before, really just that we were not ALL sipping cosmo. We were at the point in life where the 4 of us are not really sure what on earth are we doing with our lives, we were all not really in a committed relationship, and some of us have commitment issues. We are well into our first jobs, but we are not really what to do next, and those were enjoyable evenings bitching about all these married friends - why on earth would they marry so young! Don't they have goals that they want to achieve!

Not the Four of us, but this was Alexis, Nette, me and our senior Jocelyn at ZoukOut 2011

One of my goals when I was schooling was to get a Ph.D, in Clinical Psychology, so that I can be practicing psychologist and help patients, because as all of you know by now, I sorta have the Buddha Complex (yes I just coined that term up myself) and I can't help but feel the need to want to do good and help people. I thought maybe I could that by being a psychologist. There was also the element of intellectual pursuit, because nothing is more valuable in life than a life of learning and knowledge pursuit.

Mom, Dad and I on my Convocation Day, 2009!

But as I work, the goal seems to get further and further away. It just does not make any sense for to spend 5 years of my life to do that. In Singapore, males are already behind by 2 years because of National Service, and I cannot imagine taking 5 years off, living as a poor student and then restarting my search for a career at 32. And its not like getting a Ph.D will significantly increase the pay. Then there is the startling realization of how ridiculously expensive Singapore has become. How am I ever going to be independent with my own property if I start my career pursuit so late in life. Its not like I come from a rich family that will allow me to not bother about anything in life.

Let me just do some VERY simple sums for you. As a gay man I can only buy private property or HDB resale at 35, so a simple condo of $800,000 will require me to have a downpayment of 20% minimum, whereby the minimum cash outlay is 5% and the other 15% can be from CPF. It also means that I need $40,000 cash and $120,000 in CPF. Even if one maxes out their CPF contribution, it would take about 7 to 8 years to have that much CPF, and then after you DEPLETE it, what about retirement?

What this means is that for me to have my own property at some point in life, I absolutely need to work like a slave, and spend the rest of my life paying off my loans. Tragic isn't it? But I can't leave Singapore either, because my family is here, and I want to take care of my parents when they age. So this is really the problem that the middle-class faces.

I guess at this point of time, I am indeed going to give up the idea of ever doing a Ph.D because its simply not feasible. This does not mean that I do not ever want to further my studies. At some point in time, I might take a sabbatical and do a 1-2 years masters in something maybe. But I am fairly certain that right now, I am writing off a doctorate.

Such is life.

New Year Stuff

So I have never been the kind of person to make new year resolutions because I find it completely unrealistic and lame. I mean you read all these goals that people make once a year and fail horribly to keep it like, "Oh for the new year I will stop smoking and lose 10kg". Honey if you wanted to stop smoking, you would have stopped a long time ago and you would not need the new year to help you achieve it. Its not that I am cynical or anything, its just that I am too practical I guess.

At the end of year however, I like to look back, almost like a year in review and look at what I've achieved and think about where I would like to be in life, (not how many kilos I want to gain). I am an incredulously optimistic and positive person, so almost every year for me is a smashing year. Of course there are some exceptions, but you know what I mean.

2011 was a great year for me. Career wise, I started the year with a promotion and then at the end of the year, I moved into an exciting company doing what I really love, moving into 2012, I want to excel here in Flamingo and do all the great work well. I really cannot express how happy I am to be here, but I really am. There's so much love, so much intelligence floating around!

Drinking with the Flamingoes

Family wise, it was also excellent. Sister managed to secure a scholarship and a place in RMIT to further her studies as the offers from the Singaporean universities were not of programs that she would like to study. And to top up the good news, the scholarship got extended and she is now able to do her honours year! Everyone else is well in the family, and I am certain that the family will continue to be happy in 2012.

Mom and I at MBS for my birthday, Nov 2011

I also managed to keep in contact with a fair bit of my friends and the love and concern that all of you have shown me through this difficult period of time is just amazing. In 2012, let's get together often for dinner and drinks, and home-cooked dinner parties! And for my old friends, drop me a note and let's catch up too!

I've travelled a lot this year actually. I went to Shanghai, Paris, Melbourne (twice), Bali, and of course spent more money than I should, but I love travelling! What to do? Next year, I want to spend more time in Asia, going to the exotic beaches and hopefully find time to travel up to Beijing to find my dear Mark Ho.

Streets of Paris, 2011

Personally, aside from the surgery, everything is going excellently. Something in late 2010, I met a very special person whom I became, literally, inseparable with. I don't really need to say much, but I am very very thankful that Fabian came into my life, in the simplest manner - patience, communication and understanding.

Fabian and I, July 2011

And that's it really. What else is there in life aside from all this? So here's to a happy 2012, and hoping that I would be able to bring more smiles to more people's life!

Cooking in the kitchen to bring smiles to the elderly.

Love,
Kiezin (Scott)

The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living

Friends who know me well would know that I see my birth religion, Buddhism, as a way of life, and I really do try to live a good life - I help out when I can, we give to the less fortunate even though we don't have a lot and all that which I shall not bore you with.


Recently I chanced upon this website which lists these 18 rules of living by Dalai Lama, and I think they are very sensible; I will try to live by those rules too!

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. 
3. Follow the three Rs: 
1. Respect for self 
2. Respect for others 
3. Responsibility for all your actions. 
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. 
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. 
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 
8. Spend some time alone every day. 
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. 
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time. 
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. 
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. 
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality. 
15. Be gentle with the earth. 
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before. 
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. 
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

The Surgery

Me on the hospital bed!

For all those who don't already know, I went for a surgery to get my back fixed. I've already had a bad back for the longest time - I've been diagnosed with a posterior prolapsed disc in my L4/L5 since 2004. Earlier on, with a combination of Physiotherapy and alternative Chinese treatment, I managed to recover and not have any symptoms for an amazing 7 years! Also I went for Yoga and swam often until I started going deeper into work and stopped those yoga and those swims.

Some time this year I had to chase after a cab (because I left my laptop inside) and then I attended a party where I danced just a little bit too much which aggravated an already bad back after the aforementioned cab chasing incident. I busted my back VERY badly. And off to the doctors I went. After countless consultations, the doctors at NUH recommended surgery to fixed my back. However I wanted to seek a 2nd opinion and by pure serendipity, I managed to get hold of my first doctor from 2004 - he has since become one of the best spine surgeon here, winning many awards! This doctor (Doctor Hee Hwan Tak, now in private practice at Paragon Medical Center) also recommended surgery but his opinion was that my other disc, L5/S1 has also degenerated, so he recommends a disectomy of 2 discs and also to insert a silicon space in the L4/L5 region to make sure that in the future it is not likely to recur again. Now that's a good doctor that thinks long term, like 30 years and more kind of long term.

So a decision was made and off I went to Khoo Teck Puat Hospital on 21st December 2011 for my surgery. And it was the best decision I made to go there. The nurses were THE BEST. They are always cheerful, very attentive, very helpful and always there to take care of me, and the other patients in the ward. I think it is very rare these days, hearing so many stories from my own relatives. These nurses always ask after us, when they had to inject, they are empathetic, saying that they understand that it hurts and comforts the patients, telling them to bear with the pain. The hospital itself looks like a condominium or a SOHO apartment. Beautiful. Food was actually nice and delicious with at least 10 choices for me each day, for patients with dietary restrictions, they also had choices, how rare is that!

The view of the hospital. Does it even look like one?

The QR code tag!

Needless to say I enjoyed my stay. And the love from friends and family are just overwhelming. Too many to name, but really every one made me feel so loved. Thank you to Huiyee, Jeth and Jiahui for being there when my eyes opened, I remember asking for Bak Kwa the moment I spoke. Hahahahahah. Thank you to J-en who accompanied me for many many hours and chatting with me and make me laugh over and over again. Thank you to Lynette for stealing a slot in the afternoon to visit, to Peiling and Xuan for taking that long cab journey over during lunch time, to the Flamingoes for bringing so much joy to the ward, to Seraphina, Leon for making all of us laugh our pants off. To Alexis and Gabby for staying late with me and keeping me entertained with the OK magazine. To Mark and Eunice for the thoughtful homemade cookies. To Joanne for the absolutely cute Giraffe, to Joot and Shaun for the Balloons. And of course to my family and all their love! And finally to Fabian, who despite being so so far away, kept me company and all hours of the day, and for the endless love and missing from India! I miss you BB!

The skunk that kept me company!

Me again!

I can now walk slowly and shower and do all those things myself! Here's to a speedy recover to me!

*note to self: Swim more and go for Pilates or Yoga soon! The physic said the biggest mistake I made was to stop exercising, resulting in a weakened back!