Scary Things

There were quite a few books and movies that truly freaked me out when I was younger. I still can't figure out why. Especially when they are other NORMAL people's faves. Yes. Normal people are scary, aren't they?

I was totally inspired to write this post by Hannah/Palindrome.

They are not in any order at all, just by memory alone. I'm sure I'll forget one or two things that creeped me out too much, but my brain shut them away.

Fern Gully.

My sis just bought this for my other sis, Rae, for her birthday and I still got shivers thinking of watching it. Can't you feel yourself just beginning to tremble in fear? No? Huh. That's weird.

Pinocchio

Man, those donkey's were SCARY! I was terrified of turning into a donkey and then being swallowed by a whale for years! In fact, I'm at the beach right now, and looking out at the ocean *shudders* I'm not growing a tail yet, so that's a good sign.

Pagemaster

I didn't even see all of this movie (just part of it on TV once) and it gave me nightmares for years.

Where the Wild Things Are

I was so scared of this I refused to read it. Only recently my friend read it to me when we stopped in a Barnes and Noble. It wasn't really scary anymore, I just found it stupid instead. It was weird. Just weird.

There is another book that I was completely TERRIFIED of. It had a little bear, or something, that went out into the woods late at night and there were creepy creatures with lanterns. I thought it was Little Bear, but it wasn't. If I ever remember I'll post it up here, but for now that's all I can remember.

Wait... Wait... Yes! Yes, it Truly is Retail Wednesday!

Oh my goodness. I haven't been here for so long. I feel like I need to reintroduce myself to my blog.

Me: Hello, SlumpvisMusings

SM: Get on with it, you non-denominational pastor's kid!! [said in the voice of someone else I know with the initials SM. You know who you are ;)]

Ahem. Anyway. Getting on with the story. Today I will be focusing solely on the lady, whom I will call IdiotWithScreamingDemonChildren, or Iwsdc, for short.

Imagine Iwsdc as this Chicken.

It was a couple of weeks ago and I was working with my co-worker who will be called Kay. Kay and I were standing there on a quiet morning (well, we weren't standing on the morning, I'm not sure how that would be managed, but we were standing and it was morning. Anyway.)

This cow is trying to stand on the morning.

Either that or he is spazzing out from Demon Children.

The lady entered. With the Demon Children. We were in no way prepared for what would happen in the next hour. Okay, I take that back. That week had been Bring Your Idiot Children Shopping With You week, so we had slowly been exposed to worse and worse behaved children. Like with poison. Or ducks!

Duckies!!!

Nevermind. Ducks are better than children. Ducks are fuzzy.

The lady laughed as her children screamed and ran around her, leaving a trail of bagel crumbs along the floor (must've been practicing for playing Hansel and Gretel. I no longer hate the mother that sent of those two children like I used to.) "It's so hard to bring the children around with me."

Under my breath I mumble, "It wouldn't be if you disciplined them." Fortunately the Demon Children had permanently damaged her children and she didn't hear me. I left her to look at the books while her children played in the back in our children's section. Our children's section is basically a corner of the store that holds a Duplo table.

Imagine the girl screaming.

With a bagel.

Or holding a screaming bagel.

Or screaming toast!!

This is amazing.

I stayed at the front, too afraid to move. Kay, fearless and brave kept going to the back to check on the kiddies. Then she came back, her eyes wide. Iwsdc had given her an Evil Look of Doom. We heard gleeful cheering, as if the gates of Hell were being opened in the very back of our store (okay, maybe I'm exagerating a little bit, but have you heard children lately? And not the sweet kind of children that I adore, but the EVIL children that don't know what polite means?)

Taking a deep breath I made my way to the back of the store on the pretense of "organizing." I can't see the Demon Children, but I hear a weird noise, so I stop "organizing" (Read: cowering behind the shelf) and look over at the children. They are opening a box and pulling out plastic wrapped toys while the Iwsdc stands nearby watching them while glancing at a book.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! What is wrong with you???!!!

This is how shocked I was

I kneel down, grab the plastic wrapped toys right from the Demon Children's hands. The mother is all concerned and kneels down next to me (thinking back to it, she was awkwardly close to me.)

Does it LOOK like you can place with this?

No. It is a box. You're children cannot play with this box.

Iwsdc: "Are they not allowed to play with this?"

Me: (in my head: NOOOOO!! It's closed and plastic wrapped, you idiot!) outloud: "We have to sell this." (and yes, I said this in my "I'm-trying-not-to-bite-your-head-off" voice.")

Iwsdc: "Oh, I didn't know that."

Me: (in my head) "That's because instead of a brain you have a fish swimming around in your head! No, I take that back, you have a dead fish floating in your brain that is filled with dense water!) Outloud: "..." (while not glaring at her.)

Haha... Can you imagine if her head really did look like this?

She herds her children to the front. I stay in the back because, lo and behold, there is a nasty half-eaten bagel in the basket where the extra blocks are supposed to do. Yeck!! Blek!! Apparently, The Demon Girl Child gave up on being Gretel. At this point, she would be dead in the forest. As it was, she was still making noises in the front with Demon Boy Child.

I can overhear Iwsdc, partly because it is a small store, but mostly because she has a LOUD voice (remember the screaming children? You don't? Poke the nearest person next to you with a chainsaw, listen to them scream, all while listening to heavy metal music. That's about what the Demon Children sounded like. You'd scream eternally after that if you were the mother of those Demon Children too.)

On second thought,

set the chainsaw down

And back away slowly

She decides to buy the product that her children were unpacking.

I am surprised and say to myself, "Maybe she's not that bad."

But wait, I didn't hear the rest of the conversation.

When Iwsdc and her Demon Children have left the store I feel comfortable enough to return to the front.

Yes, I was hiding. You would've been too, trust me.

Dude! I want one of these!!

That's when Kay told me the rest of the story. Kay brought up the damaged product and Iwsdc points to the ripped up (probably sucked on) box.

Iwsdc: (whispering) "I don't think my children did that."

Right, because you weren't staring at them while they opened it. It's a good thing I wasn't standing there when she said that because I would've gone Evil Potato Chip on her.

Me, plotting.

Mwahahahaha >:)

Is Wish This Was Retail Wednesday :(

Just letting you know this is The Week of Finals *dun dun dun*

I will be gone until the end of the month.

See you then! Well, I won't see you, see you...but... You know.

F is for Failure

I Feel like I haven't posted over here in Forever, so I wanted to write something Fast in order to not Feel like a Failure at liFe.

Or something like that. Plus it gives me an excuse to write some atrocious poetry:

Failure makes you cry

Bang out the question "why."

It makes you feel inept

And hate the word adept.

Failure writes your name

In sand- to wash away.

There is no hall of fame,

Just a line of yesterdays.

Failure makes you grow.

You're tough enough to know

Life ain't perfect

So get over it.

Failure gives you a chance,

To trip and fall and dance

And look at a crack, cracked floor

Which you never would have seen before.

In a word:

Failure is an Open Door.

Success is closed, locked and dead.

Which one do you prefer?

~~

There you have it!

Fake Cheese *insert grossed out face here*

E is For...Eclectic Retail Wednesday

Today I will divide up this blog into three stories, all very different from each other.

1. Exasperation:

A few days ago a customer held up some chintzy thing and asked:

"Is it okay if I run this OUTSIDE to my husband WHO IS NOT IN THE STORE AND CANNOT BE SEEN FROM INSIDE OF THE STORE so that I can ask him what he thinks about it?" (emphasis added and might not have been said by real customer)

Me: "Uh. No."

Yes. I am very unreasonable. How dare I not let a strange woman take a non-paid for item out into the parking lot and into her car? I am such an unfeeling person and should be hanged.

Customer: Can I steal this creepy doll?

I want to say yes...

2. Enthralling

I was helping a gentleman find a gift for a friend. He was looking at the bracelets and asked if he could see one so I unlocked the case and handed it to him.

"You know," said he, "it's a little expensive, but she's worth it."

Awwwww.... Can you say adorable?

It was ruined only by my thought of the lady's I had overheard once, so all I could think of was, "I hope he's not trying to seduce anyone." Yes. There is something wrong with me.

Adorable Cuteness

3. Eh, creepy? or Aw, nice!

Here's one from memory lane. When I worked at Staples as a cashier I was helping a dude and he needed some heavy thing from the back. I called up a co-worker and they went to find it. Then they didn't come back. And I had other customers. The dude I was helping graciously stepped to the side so that I could help the massively long line, since I was the only cashier. (I blame this on corporate.) I thought, "That's nice." Until I realized he was kinda' sorta' STARING at me. Yup. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, relaxed, just watching me.

Can I say weird? Can I saw nerve-wracking? Can I say Are You a Stalker? I saw him from the corner of my eye, but tried to ignore him while I helped customers, and kept praying that my co-worker would HURRY up and bringing the dude's stuff up.

Finally, after a torturous amount of time, my co-worker brought up the guys large desk, or whatever, and I rang him up as quickly as I could without being rushed. I managed NOT to look at him like he was crazy, smiling and everything. (This was at the beginning of my time in retail, when I still had patience.) The guy leans forward and says,

"You have a very calming demeanor." He smiled. He left.

I kinda' wish I had said: "You do NOT have a very calming demeanor."

I still can't decide if he was being creepy, or if he was being nice.

Kinda' like dolls. Nice or Creepy?

D is for Dang Desperate

Okay, so last Wednesday Sonshine and I were heading out to the Thrift Store to find prizes for my contest. We did find these:

A Hawaiian leprechaun??

How cool is this? Pretty darn cool, that's what

Though, both were way too large to use as real prizes. Anyway, before we even got there my sis and I passed a real interesting person on the side of the road.

There is a white smudge in the distance...

Now, you can't see it (which is probably a good thing because the dude would probably sue me), but there is a dude pulled over on the side of the road. Wanna' guess what he was doing? You never will, I promise you. He is sawing wood. Yes. Wood. And not with a chainsaw either, and not some big hunk a' wood. He was taking branches as thin as my wrist and cutting them with a very small hand-held saw.

He must've been pretty desperate for some firewood.

C is for Contest! Contest! Contest!

The details are over at My Other Blog, but I wanted to let y'all know that you guys are invited to join too. Having two blogs is definitely weird, and 'm realizing just how awkward it can be at times, like when I'm having a contest. So, if you're already following over here you don't have to follow both of my blogs (though you can if you want to), but for the rest of the directions you'll have to scamper off over there.

And that is all to this very, very short post.