down

I have been so down lately. Torn by decision and responsibility, torn between the heart and mind, torn apart by love and...love. I think of the cute keychain hanging from some students' bags that says "drug-free" and I wonder if life can ever be problem-free. The thing about life is that what one does affects another, and another and another. Maybe if it doesn't affect another, there wouldn't be problems. But if that happens, I guess there wouldn't be love. Ah well. I guess I should give thanks for problem-free pockets, like supporting jem at sgdrumfest today, and meeting the angmohbeng. I think my eyebags are getting worse, and I'm still not used to my haircut. I find that my attire has problems matching it, and I miss my soft look. I need more time, I guess.

restless

My sweet colleagues and I were competing to exit the Losers' Club on Friday night. Yeah, we're all (well, most of us) are in the Losers' Club cos we work too much OT. Even my neighbour came back to finish up her work after she quit. How's that for loser? I didn't want to be a loser on Friday night, and I was feeling really bored and restless, and smses came from friends to meet up. Sweet. Met ethan mummy and ethan at Punggol Park for dinner. Poor ethan mummy's hubby is in Israel for work, and the family misses him badly. Aunt Lawn can't fill his place, but Aunt Lawn tries to make them happy by "racing" (yeah, at 60km/hr) with ethan mummy in Sengkang, cos ethan wants Aunt Lawn to "race" with his mummy. Erm yar, the race is even more exciting than F1 cos ethan sits up straight in his baby carseat to check if Aunt Lawn is catching up. And he waves to Aunt Lawn with a crooked smile. What a cool race :) And then, ethan mummy calls Aunt Lawn on her mobile to say "eh I don't know where I am now!!!".

Race over, I met the muso gang for drinks at Timbre. The boys are so funny. Enjoyable company all right. We need to do this more often...

assortment

1. Weird memory lapses

Even after using the same towels for so many months, I still can't remember what colour they are in. My mum has them colour-coded for each family member. Mine's green, my bro's blue. But that day, I took the blue one and used it for myself.

Even after using the same toothbrush for months, I woke up one morning and stunned myself by forgetting which was mine. I picked up the phone, called my bro to ask. Oh, it's the green one without the stripes.

2. Weight difference

My mum is 45kg. And I definitely weigh more than that. Today, she looked more chio than me in a pair of white skinny jeans. I mean, the jeans were looser on her than on me, and they hugged her body just right. This is ridiculous. I'm gonna take a picture of her in the jeans one day and post it here. She thinks I'm crazy, of course.

3. Loss

I can't believe this, but I'm losing my hairstylist AGAIN. First time, Aaron met with a motorbike accident and became a tetraplegic. This time, Gavin is leaving to manage the salon chain's outlets overseas. This is totally tragic. He threw two names up, replacements for him, assuring me that even though they were from China, they are very good. Frankly, for me, I don't care cos I don't even have time to grief over his departure!!! Totally tragic. Who's gonna cut my hair now???

4. A bored kind of attitude

I'm feeling really restless. I don't know why. But playing the keyboards has alleviated the restlessness somewhat. I need to play more. I need to play my guitar too, but I'm just not doing it. Fidgetfidgetfidget...

In transit

In transit.

In Kowloon, Hongkong.

Alone, travelling from Jordan MTR station to Sha Tin MTR station. When you're rushing from one place to another to meet someone, you feel purposeful. When you have no one to meet, you become contemplative. Which is better? To be purpose-driven, or thoughtful? In a foreign land, alone, it seems like you could be a little more contemplative than you'd have liked. And it could be a good, or bad, thing.

The company was great.

The thinking, well, continues...

yum cha

After two weeks of hell, I'm off to Hong Kong. YAAAYYY!!!!! Today everyone bid me farewell like I was going on a honeymoon. Haha. So funny.

Gonna attend a counselling conference, and also meeting up with a few friends. I'm ecstatic :)

little miracles

In the midst of the madness and pent-up anger today (I had a good cry with my supe, she always says I'm a tap and I totally agree), little miracles happened. In particular, He happened.

At school today, we went up to His classroom to walk walk and He lent me his lyrics journal. In the jotter book style journal, He had penned lyrics dedicated to different friends. And they were deep, real deep. A window to the real Him. And I was grateful He offered me a glimpse. It must have taken great trust.

It is a key He has offered to me, and I'm so afraid to lose it. But I'm still grateful. What a journey it has been, and will continue to be.

i pant, but i've got it all under control

My ability to handle stress is severely tested.

And I think my threshold has increased ten-fold over the last 2 weeks.

Let's see. Take today for example.

1 groupwork session at 8.30am (So sad this is last session for me, wanna cry).

1 groupwork session at 1pm (I think I quite like the students).

Debrief and planning to be started soon after...

But, percussion boys turn up 2 hours early and badger us to open the room for them. I wanted my lunch. So, too bad.

Percussion session starts, with lots of considerations to take care of: phone rings many times cos one boy is late from soccer; one boy is MIA; the rest are just hyper, but still manageable. Need to continue to befriend some new people, that just totally zaps me.

Need to juggle attending to percussion session, new people and colleagues, plus we hadn't finished the debrief!!!

Need to sign contract agreement for a project funding. Need to open space in brain to entertain new suggestions for this project, while trying to clear the congested storeroom to look for huge groundsheet (dammit I wanted to scream, I had to move furniture!!! But good ol' colleague cheered me up.)

Need to confirm design for certain collateral.

Emo boy's mum calls to say emo boy got problem.

Emo boy calls later to cancel appointment.

Percussion session ends late, and I'm half hour late for my appointment.

I sit at the dinner table facing 2 ok faces, and 1 super tired face. But thank goodness the conversation on ang moh bengs and super-sleazy-guy-who-tried-to-hit-on-us-at-Acid-Bar perked me up. Well, for that while.

When hh asked me, so how're you coping with work, I could only say: "Like a zombie."

Yeah, I could sing...IN YOUR HEAAAAD IN YOUR HEAAAAD, ZOOOOMBIE ZOOOOMBIE!!!!!