first impressions

I find that I have this tendency to try to suss people out during my first few encounters with them. I do it both unconsciously and consciously, really. Unconsciously, because I can feel - beyond my control - my intuition sensing signals, much like antennae receiving frequencies automatically. Consciously, because I know what I'm reading when I'm reading people.

And usually, I'm right. But I don't say it first, because I don't want to seem to be making a premature judgment. Leo's really good at it too, actually, I think he's better at it. Probably because I try to make concessions on behalf of those people I get negative vibes from!

:)

###

Today was the first day of my attachment at a social service agency. Once again, I was sussing out the various characters, and what their interactions were saying about one another. In general, it was a good vibe. Specifically, it was quite a culture shock actually. Having been part of the unforgiving newsroom before, this workplace was extremely nurturing.

In fact, in response to a compliment from one of the staff, I actually blurted out: "You guys are so constructive!"

I don't know how the next few months are going to pan out, whether first impressions will remain first impressions. But I am very thankful to God my Father. Thank you for the way you have directed my path, and always shining your light for me. Thank you for putting up arrows pointing the way to go, when I didn't know what to do. Thank you for just being who you are, even when I did not understand. Thank you so very much.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3: 5,6 (NKJV)

it's over

And so, the wait was over at 11.01am today, according to the wall clock in the chilly classroom. Pens down, check that you've written your matric number, and if you have used more than one booklet, remember to tie them together with the string provided.

That was fast. Like the two hours that flew by as we furiously regurgitated our answers today, the past four months slipped by almost unnoticed. Half an academic year has disappeared, and another half will start in another 30 or so days.

But before all that talk about how fast time flies, it's always good to spend some time relishing the pleasures in life. Like a bowl of deliciously smooth coffee and chocolate gelato. Time to take a break and tuck into a bowl of something nice. Bon appetit.

just the two of us

we hardly have a nice pic together, since we're always not happy with how fat our faces turn out...because we're always taking pics of ourselves (other people always don't take it right). so you know...the nearer you shoot, the broader your face is. but I think this one can pass lah.

a lil' down

Exam didn't go too great today. :(
Kinda blanked out for this 10-mark question on ethical dilemmas. I only had one point to talk about, and I elaborated on it as much as I could. And couldn't think of any more points So sucky. The MCQs were so tricky too. It's like choice number one also can, choice number three also can, or is it all of the above?

On normal circumstances I would have vegged out in front of the tv after the paper. But feeling quite so down, so thought I'd start cramming for my third and last paper, which is happening this coming Tues.

Cos of my anxiety, I'm wondering if I should send Mr Jai food tomorrow, as I had decided on it at the start of this week. I really should. But I'm thinking of just pressing the doorbell once, leaving the food outside his home and making my exit before he opens the door. I know he will want to have a chat with me, and I'll feel bad not having a chat with him and just taking the money and leaving, but I have to. Staying for the chat with my mind somewhere else makes no sense.

Dilemmas dilemmas dilemmas.

pre-test questionaire

have a friend who requested to have this link put up, cos she's conducting a survey on work-related blogging for her university dessertation. Do click here to take the survey, if you can. Thanks!

i'm gonna run run run

Where you jog makes all the difference. Went running along Old Punggol Road again yesterday and it was actually such a pleasure. Maybe it was the sweet wetness of the air after the rain, maybe it was the tranquility offered by the green sanctuary, maybe it was just the fact that there were no tall HDB flats in sight for that little while.

I love it.

Only drawback: Girls have to be on the alert all the time because the road is quite lonely. Sigh...is this the curse of urban living???

two sides to me

My new haircut! I also dyed it a two-tone ash colour that's hard to see from here. Ah...what wonderful therapy! The cut is also asymmetrical. Don't know why my hairstylists love to do that, but I love it! :)


Above: the boyish cut on the right side.

Above: the girlish cut on the left side.

Above: the complete look.

rain rain (don't) go away

On Sunday, mum jio-ed me to go brisk walking along the tree-lined Old Punggol Road that leads to the beach and jetty. She was sick of going around in circles along the drabby grey pavements by the main road, so we decided to explore the road less travelled - the more natural side of Singapore that brings you past Punggol 17th Avenue and Punggol 24th Avenue.

Entering Old Punggol Road territory was like taking a trip into a nature reserve, with lovely thick foliage forming a continuous canopy along the slightly undulating long road right up to the sea. Jogging or walking under the protection of the never-ending row of trees was such a pleasure, because of the comfortable cool shade it offered. The twitter of birds, the chirping of the crickets...all these calls of nature were all the more magnified in the stillness of the natural surroundings. The only human sounds that provided the occasional distraction were the purring engines of the few cars that cruised by and my off-and-on conversation with mum.

Alas, our walk was interrupted by the sudden heavy downpour. Funnily, it was not an unwelcome interruption, although we were soaked to our skin when we were still about 15 minutes away from our home. Instead, it was the most invigorating shower I've ever had, rain drops beating down on my sweat-tinged skin, a wakeup call like no other.

I had broken into a trot (to try to get home to rescue our clothes that were hung out to sun) before deciding to wait for mum at a bus-stop. You couldn't really call that seeking shelter because I was so drenched. She reached, and we sat down for a while before deciding that it wouldn't hurt to continue the journey back on foot because we couldn't get any wetter than that!
Mum laughed and said it was the first time in all her life that she had ever been caught in the rain, because my late grandpa, being the authoritarian he was, would beat his children up if they ever did get soaked. Thank goodness I bit my tongue before declaring a silly oh-man-where-did-your-childhood-go, because this was mum who caught fish in the longkang and climbed trees when she was young.

But oh, what a pity that she never knew how it felt to be kissed by the rain! I, on the other hand, had my fair share at outdoor camps.

Mum, looking quite so happy despite her matted long hair and sticky clothes, then added: "I guess this is God's way of showing me how wonderful rain can feel!"

I couldn't agree more.

today's the sec school reunion

a few months back, some friends from my sec sch (the prefectorial bunch) sent out emails about an RGS class of '95 reunion, which is supposed to happen today at the school. Was supposed to have gone, but we forgot to pay money and all, and we got lazy, and we didn't go. Not sure if the reunion will still take place today. It's been 10 years! Nevertheless, I shall commemorate the decade-long friendship with some photos.

As former principal, the forever vivacious and sprightly Mrs Carmee Lim, would proudly announce: "Filiae Melioris Aevi (FEE-LEE-AI MEH-LEE-OR-RIS AY-VEE) ! Daughters of a better age!"

And she often follows on with a "as we walk throught the porrrrtals of RGS..." and then she belts out the national anthem with her operatic trills and shrills while everyone, except the prefects, shut up and pretend to mouth the words. Basically you can only hear Mrs Carmee Lim singing lah. And then the prefects start walking up and down checking if we've worn our yellow nametags, if our pinafores are too "puffed" at the waist (man, the school made us sew one side of the belt to our pinafores ok!), if our fringe was touching our eyebrows, if our socks were too hidden in our shoes.

One of the things I loved best about RGS was that they allowed us to wear sports shoes (not the usual canvas types), as long as they were white. Very cool ok at that time, can wear my Reeboks to school! Must make it look dirty and worn, then cool mah!

Ah....memories!!! Ok now for photos:


Not the entire 4/6 gang (we from class 4/6) is here in this picture taken in 1995 I think (courtesy of eug's friendster account). Three of them in this picture are also not in sg now - in London. First one from left is wynne, who just got married. I'm mentioning her for reference cos the next photo is taken at her wedding this month. I'm third from left, the one trying to stick her head out to be seen. I had long fringe then!!! This photo is taken in front of the flagpoles, Mrs Carmee Lim's favourite platform for singing :)


And this is us this year at wynne's wedding. The bride's in yellow, seated in the centre. Only me, karen, eug, wynne and ad appear in this photo and the previous one. Yes, the bunch of us is quite big! I'm standing second from right, with my eyes closed :( Not ready lah.

Daughters of a better age!

out out damned spot

the worst cough to have is the type that leaves a tiny residual speck of phlegm in the deepest depths of your throat. So tiny you have to use all your might to expel it - enough to hurl your both lungs out. So minute you want to strangle yourself when you see that almost-microscopic bright green spot slide ever so fast into the drainage hole in the wash basin. All that coughing for a few seconds of existence???

白费心机。。。

it gets worse at night.

no teenage textbook to refer

As usual, she was late. This time, not by 15 minutes, but half an hour. It would have been 45 minutes, if I had not been the wiser and decided to be late as well - something that has become a habit for me in our appointments, fortunately. But when she came, she handed me this pretty package with a thank-you card, to thank me for all the gifts I'd bought for her and for taking care of her. Enveloped within a layer of bubble wrap was a pretty candle emanating a sweet vanilla essence. My heart melted and I didn't have the heart to look angrier. Truth was, I had already softened when she sms-ed me twice to say she would be late, and that she was sorry about it. As I thought back, these simple text messages were a great improvement from more than a year back when she didn't know how to apologise, not because she didn't feel bad about her tardiness, but because she didn't know how to say sorry. It was awkward, she said.

At the same time, while I thought it nice of her to buy something for me, it wasn't the anticipated sense of elation that I thought I would have felt at being "appreciated" by a teenager. Probably at the start of our relationship, my ego would have received a boost from such a gesture, since the premise of our relationship lay upon "me the so-called mentor helping her to grow". (I hate the word mentor by the way, because I'm not the perfect role model.) How our relationship has deepened, without me even knowing it. And the intertwined feelings that come along with it.

Just earlier, she declared that "my generation" and "her generation" are very different, and that because I'm from "my generation", I will not understand her 观念. I found myself reacting, with indignance. (Thanks to my lecturer's class on "checking your bodily cues", I realised myself getting agitated, and consciously cooled down.) I hope I got my point across because my spoken Mandarin sucks, especially in situations when you have to use very precise words to get your meaning across without inviting discord.

I'm beginning to worry for her, even if what she deals with are all the usual issues that teenagers face. In fact, the thought of how hard it is to parent teenagers popped into my head again. It never was a random thought, and never will be. I think teenagers are a real tough bunch to work with!

grapevine cafe bar & restaurant

The great thing about having a car is that you can go anywhere you want at any time of the day. My 超人 finally appeared after 10.30pm last night, and whisked me off to an obscure corner in Upper Serangoon that Jem intro-ed to us some weeks back. (Pic doesn't look too good cos my camera phone's not too good with night shots.)
Grapevine is a little cafe in this building (with some chinese name), which sells finger food, dessert, alcohol and other beverages. Opens till 1am on weekdays, and I think 2am on weekends. It kinda appears out of nowhere cos there's no other eatery within 100m of it, and it's the only sign of life in an otherwise dead place. But I like it quiet :)
It's a place to hang loose. Most people there are togged out in berms, tees and slippers, enjoying a mug of ice-cold beer or a glass of deliciously smooth mango smoothie. I have nothing to say about the food, cos I can't say I've really tried it. The 超人 ordered some chicken nuggets, which well, tasted like...chicken nuggets! We shared a tiramisu, which we both agreed was too sweet, didn't have any alcohol taste and that 超人 could definitely make a better one!
Anyhow, the cafe is not a place to look for a satisfactory meal. Service is quite slow too. Nevertheless, great for chilling out late at night with friends, when you need to escape some madness. Helps if you have a car. Oh yes, one half of the cafe also offers a pool table, and a projector screens soccer matches in the alfresco area.

Grapevine cafe bar & restaurant
#01-06/07
780 Upper Serangoon Road

type type type

the boyfriend's finally back from Bangkok.
a friend once commented that my jet-setting boyfriend had such a cool life, one minute he's in Bali diving, the next moment he's in Bangkok shopping, and the next minute, he's in I donno where. Aiya, every month he's somewhere lah, just not in Singapore.
yar, I replied, rather icily: "You need a very understanding girlfriend, you know."
so here I am, the very understanding girlfriend, stuck in sg, studying.
I feel sick. I sulk. I'm damn sian.
I refuse to read anything else.
I've gone jogging. I've downed a most horrible dinner of stale chicken chop drenched in muddy brown gravy. I've paid my cable tv bill at the sam machine. I've switched on the pc five times. I've clicked the same blogs over and over again. I've watched channel U/8/54 repeatedly. I wanna go out for dessert, or something, return the effects pedal to James, whatever! Just get me outta here. Where is he???

闭关练功

闭关练功真痛苦，
被迫在山穴里练个什么神功来。。。
太可恶了吧！
字好难记,词好难背,
我的超人在哪里？
快把我救出去!
我快要走火入魔了。。。

Down memory lane

Visited Bedok North Street 4 where I used to live. Really miss the hustle and bustle of the place. Totally heartland, just the type of place for the heartlander in me. I remember about 10 years back when as teenagers, two classmates and I were walking to my flat to do project. And one of them, who lives in the posh Toh Tuck area, commented: "Wah your house like Malaysia!"

My ex-neighbourhood is the place where tables and mats are laid out in front of the rows of shops on Sundays. On them are T-shirts/shorts/socks going at dirt-cheap prices, with aunties/uncles/children alike milling around checking out the best bargains. Salesmen with cordless mikes in the same row hawk their wares in broken "these-one-velly-good-I-never-bruff-you" English.

Ever the one to jump at an opportunity, my mum forced me to remove my shoe, which had a bit of sole hanging off (and which she had tried her best to use Saba glue to stick back). She handed it over to the salesman promoting this China-made glue which could stick jade/metal/leather/you-name-it, and said: "How about this?" Of course, with a chance to prove the authencity of his wares, he said: "SURE!"

So my shoe is nice and new again. And we learnt that to make sure things stick properly, you've gotta dust the dirt particles off before applying the glue. Of course, we didn't buy the man's glue.

Then I went a-hunting for that much-publicised chocolate cake shop "Chocabloc" after sms-ing an ex-colleague who'd bought something from there before. She gave me the wrong block (it is block 86 and she said 89) but with the right directions, so I found it! Who'd expect a much-raved-about shop by newspaper food critics to be tucked away in some mature HDB estate? The teenage girl manning the counter (think she's the owner's daughter) is quite pretty, by the way! :)

Unfortunately, I left the namecard in my pants, which went into the wash before I remembered to retrieve it! Shucks. Cakes looked good though, and they seemed very popular cos the owner didn't have extras to sell, as you had to place orders beforehand. Flavours include chocolate fudge and chocolate-and-durian. I will have to try them soon. Love chocolate!

As with habit, I walked over to this boutique, which offers a perpetual 20-per-cent discount. This means, you usually get items below $20. You can usually find some gems among the auntie-wear, which makes shopping really exciting! Saw a really pretty black bolero, in a soft cotton fabric with an attractive knitted pattern near its base! Too bad they only had one size and it was a little tight on the arms. Ah well.

Then I remembered the can-collecting ah pek who never seems to have a home. When I was still living there, I used to reserve my empty drink cans for him. He who wears an unbuttoned short-sleeved shirt, berms that hang loose on his thin-frame, and walks around the dirty hawker centre barefoot. He's the type of ah pek whom you know is damn strong inside and will die if he doesn't work. But at the same time, you can't help feeling for him cos who'd want to see an old man like that working so hard? I actually used to be quite angry at the competition he was facing from the much-younger women who started collecting cans after seeing him at work.

Well, this ah pek was sleeping on his usual bed - the bus-stop seat! With that all-too-familar marketing trolley filled halfway with cans parked just next to him! Still no shoes, and still alive! Amazing. But how he's aged. I think he should be close to 90 now.

Will he still be alive the next time I return? I wonder.
Ah, life.

eat more eat more, 多吃多吃

If ever you want to find out how fast you're ageing, don't look to your expanding waistline or those sneaky wrinkles on your once tofu-smooth face. Measure your age with a growing baby. Ethan is going to be one year old in two to three months!!! My good friend is going to be a mother of a one-year-old baby soon!!! Argh!!! So damn freaky. Don't believe? Let me show you:

This is Ethan when he was just born. A crinkly mousey bundle, so fragile I was so scared to hurt him while trying to feed him. Obviously Ethan Mummy had to take over soon after, cos he started crying. Uh, I wasn't doing it right.

AND LOOK!!! That tiny, soft thing has grown into this cute and hyper toughie who'd turn his nose up at you if you didn't get into his good books. How he's grown! And how I've grown...older...

Anyways, Ethan Mummy brought Ethan to visit me today. Hee hee. Quite happy he warmed up to me after some time. He's teething too! He's got this strange way of crawling, by the way. He usually only has two hands, one knee and one foot on the floor, like he's trying to stand while crawling. Really weird. He looks like a bumpy tricycle!

多吃多吃，eat more, grow more, like Ethan.

###


Eat, yes, I do eat. Today's dinner: soupy macaroni with minced pork. Very simple again. Season minced pork with soya sauce and a slight dash of pepper. Boil chicken bones in water to get chicken stock. Throw in the macaroni and then the pork. And you get dinner.

Fast to cook, good to eat. And it's not myojo (or was it maggi?)

(By the way, three people asked me to cook for them yesterday. Is that a miracle or what? No one even believed I could fry an egg in the past.)

Conversations with the NSB - Part 2

Over lunch at a hawker centre in Kovan today, leo the NSB (neighbourhood school boy) and I somehow treaded on the topic of how people from elite schools often do end up working in the elite strata of society.

me: Your world and mine are really quite different. I don't know any friend from school (ie sec sch and JC) who is not a professional.

leo the NSB (who is in the IT sales and marketing line): Why? All professionals now? What kind of jobs?

me: Yar, all professionals. Doctors, lawyers, architects, psychologist, high-flying scholars serving government bond.

leo the NSB: No one doing sales ah? Yar lar, sales is not professional mah. Really man, the elite will always remain as the elite. No matter where they go, they'll always do well.

me: What you mean?

leo the NSB (referring to Stephanie Sun): Yar what. Singer also do well what. All from RGS one right? All doing well what.

me: ...............................

what choice do I have?

Today after my wonderful jog in the cool of the post-rain evening, I walked over to the kopitiam somewhere opposite my flat to buy dinner. In the midst of the oily smoke, damp mist (from the what-you-call-them mist-fans?), and the monotonous hum of human voices, I stood in the centre of the stuffy kopitiam, trying my utmost best to decide what to eat.

It wasn't the most pleasant of states to be in when contemplating what to fill my hungry stomach with - sweat trickling down almost everywhere. HIYOH!!!! WHAT TO EAT???

The uncle from the noodle stall 3m away recognised me and smiled. HIYOH!!!! Should I buy tang hoon in fishball soup from him again? Or, should I try fish and chips from the stall next to his. Damn, I so miss Uncle Pete's fragrant chicken chop with its lovely mushroom sauce from Bedok North where I used to live. This Punggol western food stall serves chicken chop with rice! How can??? WHAT TO EAT???

Finally, after what seemed like eternity, I reluctantly joined the queue at the first-choice noodle stall. Uncle asks me: "Cannot decide what to eat ah?" I nod with a sheepish smile. No tang hoon in fishball soup this time. I chose dry guo tiao.

Being cooped up most afternoons at home before going off to school, I don't really want to go somewhere far to have lunch. And this kopitiam is the nearest to home, and its food is just so-so.
Now you know why I've started to cook lunch? Even if it's just a one-person portion? Partly out of sheer desperation. Yesterday it was the tasty meat porridge. Today it was macaroni in tomato sauce, cooked with pork, onions and garlic. Plus, I had lettuce on the side. Very simple fare. But worth every bite.

Oh no, what to eat tomorrow?!?!?

the chao mugger's back

exams are in slightly more than a week's time.
AARGH!!!

as an aside, is the term "chao mugger" used only by people of our era ie the 70s babies? I smsed it to a 16-year-old girl (born 1989) and she didn't understand. We used to use it all the time back in school! Sigh...I feel the very big generation gap.

days of our lives

It's so hard to find good friends nowadays. I don't mean friends, I mean really good friends.

I sometimes wonder if I would have had more good friends if I wasn't attached. Then again, it's just wrong to say that I have not made the effort to stay in close contact with my chums. I have. It's just that it seems that with each year that I grow that bit older, my inner circle of friends shrinks.

Marriage is also a kind of separation, I was telling Belle just now. Separation for the two pals, when one of them joins in holy matrimony with her soulmate. Maybe there have been too many marriages in the the last year or so, and more and more, I feel like I'm inching closer to that boundary that separates adulthood from the childhood that I dread leaving.

So maybe this entry is not about lamenting the lack of good friends, but the inevitable passing into adulthood. Wait a minute, I am an adult, aren't I? It's interesting that I was having a similar discussion with my hairstylist (salons are the best places for both idle and contemplative talk) and he asked why I was not ready to marry yet.

I don't know. I have found a great guy, but sometimes the idea of leaving home scares me, because it signals the next phase in my life. A role transition. An extreme transformation. Trepidation.

Transitions are so scary. The last year has been full of transitions. Career-wise, there was a major one and I'm still in transit, actually. It is a transition of hope and anticipation, if you ignore the tacit disapproval of my mum, one of the most important people in my life. We never speak more than 10 words about it. She knows she'll upset me, and I know, in a sense, she's upset. But there are just some things in life that need you to, well, to quote the oft-used maxim, just do it.

I'm not the only one having to face changes. It's uncanny, but in the past year, I've had two friends who are battling depression. Hearing how they have had to face their demons is pretty sobering, because of the shite they have to go through. Yet at the same time, I see how God's love overwhelms them and keeps them sane. This is sobering, too.

There's so much more I want to write about, like how I'm realising more and more what an introvert I am. But writing too much would be overindulgent. So I'll stop. Perhaps next time.

冠佑 of Mayday proposes!

At Mayday's maiden concert in Beijing on Nov 5, drummer 冠佑 or 彦明 (as I prefer to call him) proposed to his long-time girlfriend! He did a 石头 actually, cos 石头 asked his girlfriend to marry him during a concert some years back in Taiwan.

These rockers from Mayday ah....really know how to make girls cry. Not only their darlings shed tears freely, many girls from the audience were definitely also reaching for their hankies. Lucky Moon was at the concert in Beijing and she also couldn't control her tears!

Actually I know this sounds a little crazy, but I was watching e-news on cable when they showed clips of the proposal and I was like, oh man, must read Moon's blog! Haha. Aiya, I'm not really a true-blue fan lah, cos I only know bits and pieces about the band's private lives. But hey, it's their music that matters. Can't wait for Dec 10 when they come to town for their Final Home concert! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

rooftop rendezvous

Tagged along with foodie dimsumdolly and ben for lunch at Wild Rocket, located at Hangout Hotel on Mount Emily. I can't describe food well, so I'm not going to start. Read her review here. As an aside, I loved the hotel's rooftop area. It had beach-resort-type wooden deck chairs and tables, many fresh green plants, a pretty view and lots of space to move around. Not sure if they let people organise any parties on the rooftop though. Would be fun!

flower stealers

At Wynne's wedding tonight, or rather last night cos it's past 1am on Sunday now, some of my friends were commenting on how Singaporean it was to take things that don't belong. Reason being the wedding guests were streaming out of the ballroom, and many couldn't resist picking a white rose each from the pretty bouquets lining the aisle. One bouquet was quite flowerless at the end of it all. So....jill suggested we follow also lah! So here we are, hawaiian babes in the making (see pic from L-R: me, eug, jill). As you can also see, I'm trying to hide my boobs, as naturally as I can, from the unforgiving camera flash. Fashion boo boo! Wore beige bra under black dress, when the flash goes off, beige bra appears. Very unflattering. So I spent the night trying to hide the chest from the flash, like hiding my boobs behind people's heads or napkins folded into upright fan-shaped thingies. Haha. Whatever. Another friend leaves singlehood. Here's to life :)

来，笑一个

不知在什么地方读过：
闪电射过乌黑天空的那一刹那，是上帝在拍照的时候。
今晚，上帝好像拍了几百张照片，我笑累了。
快下雨吧，别闹了。