Counting down to Dec 10!!!

YAY!!!!! I've finally bought my Mayday tix!!!! WOOHOO!!!! SO HAPPY!!!!! 五月天！你是我永远的永远！我心中无别人！:)

Hmm....actually, to tell you the truth, I was very disappointed at first cos the most expensive tix ($148) were already SOLD OUT!!!!! Wah lau....I mean, tix sales just opened on Tuesday, and the $148 tix are all gone??? Mayday so popular meh??? What's more, the sale of tix was only open to UOB card holders, not to the public (who'll be able to buy only on Oct 7 I think)!

And I thought I could beat all those fanatic school kids to it! Either most of Mayday's fans are around my age (which I've always observed to seem like it) or those irritating school kids have begged their parents for their UOB credit cards.

*sulk*

So I had to settle for the next most ex tix - $128 (before 10 per cent UOB discount). And I tell you, the sistic website is a bit screwed up. For the first five tries, I couldn't select which category I wanted to sit in. The system, which claims to "assign you the best seats", threw me seats near the side of the stage. Since I didn't want to spend the entire night turning my head to the left, I decided to wait a while longer before attempting to book again.

And guess what? On I think my sixth try, the website suddenly allowed me to choose the category I wanted! There were no options before, and now there came a flood of options. I want to complain to Straits Times!!! Technical glitch depriving me of consumer rights!!!

Hmph.

Oh well, anyways, I got my tix. (See grey box in picture, that's where I will be.) But then again, belle had to remind me that Singapore Expo is flat ground all the way. Erm, then how am I going to see past the person in front of me??? Man, I so hope the organisers set up some kind of incline so that the seats further back get to be on higher ground. If not, I pay so much money to see what?????

rainbow

One of the best things about looking up at the sky is that chance meeting with a special rainbow. You could be tucking into a bowl of laksa, glancing occasionally at your white top to make sure there're no dreaded spots of spicy gravy, and then you let your eyes wander somewhere upwards, and all of a sudden you think you see Hope.

Time stands still and you marvel at that glistening ray of Hope. Arching over every sad thing on earth, leaping past every hateful thing you know exists, bridging the expanse between you and someplace better. Someplace far far better.

"So pretty!" you exclaim. And the next thing you know, your conversationist asks you a question, you look at him and mutter a one-word answer, and you shift your gaze back up to the heavens, hoping to take in the beauty of Hope a little more.

And Hope's gone.

No trace of colour, no shadow of ever being there, no lingering imprint in the concrete-grey sky.

Will I see my rainbow tomorrow? And tomorrow? And tomorrow?

money matters

Do I really not care about money?

mum: Wah! You've got two stories published today! How much you think you'll get???

I rattle off some possible figures.

mum: Wow! Very good! Not bad at all!

me: Actually, I'm so sick of writing...don't feel like writing anymore...no motivation...

mum: How can you say that? Earn money while you are young. How can you just study and not work?

me: Why not? I have enough savings what! Aiya, you all always have that typical workaholic mentality. Must keep earning money. Why can't I just relax?

mum: Yah, you young people now have it better. No pressure to earn money.

Is there anything wrong with that?

No, seriously, if I'm going to constantly compare myself with the people who have it worse, then the comparisons will be endless. Wouldn't I be denying myself the freedom that I deserve? In other words, is it wrong for me to have been born in a family that allows me to have a certain extent of financial freedom?

I don't know if it's the Singapore that we live in that's made its citizens feel like every second lost is money gone. I don't blame my mother for thinking this way, because after all she did have to slog to bring up my brother and I singlehandedly. Yet, at the same time, I find it especially irksome to be pressured into becoming a money-making machine, just because it seems totally stupid to pass on a great opportunity to earn big bucks.

Or is it just me?

Do I really see money as that unimportant? I know for sure that a big part of this mentality stems from never having been in need at all. So, the bigger question is, am I being lazy as a result?

Could it be a gradual loss of interest in writing for publications?

I don't know. I find more and more that I'm just following a formula, just filling up a space, just doing a job. Something that I'd felt even when doing full-time writing.

Or do I have a short attention span?
Is it a three-year itch?
A need to find something new to do each time?
A desire to take a break?
A yearning to enrich myself?

I don't know. But I'll just take it one step at a time.

Maybe I'll love money soon, probably when I have to buy my marital home - that shrunken unit called a flat that the government leases to us for 99 years for helluva lot of cash. Maybe then, yes maybe then, I'll really love money.

Over the last two weeks, I've realised...

that my life is damn boring.

that I have nothing interesting to blog. Because my life is damn boring.

that I can't memorise anymore.

that I can be very guillible. Heart rules mind.

that I can't pound away in peace in front of my pc unless I have some Chinese music on, even if it's Mayday on rerun. Well, make that the millionth rerun.

that there's this bunch of sportsmen (mostly uncle-types) who play badminton regularly in this smallish outdoor court next to the kopitiam downstairs. Very competitive, conjuring smashes that Ronald Susilo would be proud of.

that I take things too personally. A character flaw. I've even taken to writing in my pocket pc "don't take it so personally, they are not attacking you".

that I'm gaining weight. AARGH!!!

that I have nothing nice to wear. Double AARGH!!!

that I have a love-hate relationship with swimming. Sometimes I can slice through the water like a (don't laugh) torpedo, sometimes I feel like I'm sinking like a piece of leaden weight.

that, once again, my life is damn boring.

**********************************************

on a different note, I attended a HIV/AIDS talk yesterday where a medical social worker and Action for Aids gave a wonderfully informative presentation on the disease. Greatest thing was, an Aids patient turned up to talk about his experience too. Finally, for many of us, the disease had a face to it. He looked like anyone you would see walking on the street - normal. I give him more than full marks for summoning up the courage to reveal himself to a bunch of strangers and giving a very touching testimony!

Let's stop giving HIV/AIDS a monstrous face. You can't get it through saliva, someone's sneeze, mosquito bites or sitting on toilet seats.

haywire

don't know what's wrong with me
eyelids clamming shut, slaves to gravity
can't get through the afternoons without fantasising about a nap
can't get past a few paragraphs of my research notes without ending up flat
on my face, drool threatening to stain the sofa pillows (yes, I drool, you got a
problem with that?)
went for a swim one night, endorphins surged
couldn't sleep till 3am
as awake as an owl
aargh....the one-week hols have reached their tail-end
what useful thing have I done?
I'm such an old woman

短发女孩的心声

发型师不算是朋友
来来往往不难变知己
每月，一次
剪个痛快！

长发女郎算是朋友
看来看去真搞不清楚
每月，一次
剪了什么？

有时沾个樱桃红，染个巧克力颜色
加上稍微修剪一下，也可制造出个阳光女孩
张大眼睛好好欣赏吧！

短发女孩照旧是常客
进进出出满怀期待
每月，一次
剪了又剪！
剪了再见！

Theresa

老天爷替我画了一双眼
你看得见
我看不到

老天爷给我吊了一对耳
你看得见
我听不到

我和人潮隔了一道不易打碎的墙
你们看不见
我摸索到

我与陌生人牵着永不绝望的心
他感觉到
我也感受到

我不盲，不聋，只是太勇敢了

- a tribute to 61-year-old Theresa Chan, blind and deaf since the age of 14, star of the Singapore-made film Be With Me (by Eric Khoo and Wong Kim Hoh)

（昨晚不知为何睡不着，充满灵感，写下了这支 Ode to Theresa）

爱老婆的石头

那天看了 channel 52 的 《康熙来了》，好不开心。因为五月天上了节目！又享有耳福了！

有一幕非常感人，是吉他手石头所说的话，至今还深刻地留在我脑海中。

主持人小S：石头，如果有一天，你老婆要你放弃音乐，你会吗？

石头（毫不犹豫）：会啊！

小S：真的？ 放弃音乐？

石头：会啊，因为我觉得没有了老婆，生活也没有意思。当然如果老婆喜欢我玩音乐，那就是快乐上的快乐！

好感动！告诉了leo。他的反应？

"He knows where his priorities lie! Most musicians will always put music above everything else."

也就是我深爱五月天的原因之一。当然，五月天要是有一天再也不玩音乐，我将会彻底伤心。但是，明星终究是人，生活需有些平衡。不能说只超爱音乐而不管你死我活，对吗？

Oh yes, 我想我因该高兴leo会说出那番话罢？哈哈！

(photo courtesy of yam blog。 石头穿 pink T-shirt，萧洒自如地弹奏。阿信则大展歌喉！ 好过瘾喔！）

I had a dream

...a really weird dream where disparate events came together to form one story.

I dreamt that one of my friends was pretty stressed out at work one day, but still had to send food to the old man. And she got a bit frustrated because of that. She was even panting from having to rush to send food.

Think these are my worries surfacing, as I tend to wonder if the volunteers are inconvenienced in any way at times. Plus, today one of them forgot she was on MC, and I had to call another volunteer at the last minute, something I try not to do unless absolutely necessary.

Then I dreamt that a good friend was getting married and she had this strange list of things she wanted me to do. She had drawn a picture of all the things I needed to bring along for the wedding. The picture showed a tall cabinet with drawers, with some stuff positioned on the top. The only three things I remember seeing were three shocking pink bottles of shampoo and body bath.

And she was quite kan cheong about it! Although she had given me the list, she still called to remind me to bring the shampoo. And in separate phone calls, she asked me to carry a bar of green soap from house to house so that we could wash our hands whenever we wanted to. HUR???

And then, she got someone to lug a huge cabinet with drawers to pass to me, so that I could bring it on the wedding day. I was supposed to make sure this cabinet was placed on top of another cabinet, and that a table cloth was to be placed over the top cabinet. Any ang pow or gifts that the wedding couple received were to be kept in the drawers of the cabinet.

I remember asking, exasperatedly: "Why don't you ask (bride's name) to get someone to drive it to wherever she wants to on the wedding day? How am I supposed to carry this myself? I don't even know if I can get the car, and even if I could, it is much too small to fit the cabinet!"

Must have been the msn conversation I had with this friend of mine before I fell asleep. She was talking about getting married.

Why can't I dream more of Mayday?

Oh actually, I did some time ago. I dreamt I was chosen to go laser sailing with them at Changi (you know, one of those pick-the-fan contests). And I chose to sail with Masa because I knew I would not be tongue-tied around him as he's pretty easy-going. And a-sailing we went!

one thing after another...

Tired.

I'm an old woman at heart. I can't take non-stop activity. I need plenty of rest. I need to veg. Since last Friday, it's been just one thing after another. Some nerve-wracking, some fun.

Friday was the test. I had to handle a real-life case at a social service agency. Had been so anxious about it for many days because I was afraid I would do a bad job at it, and also that if I said something wrong, it would affect the client. While I'm relieved that it's over, it was a great learning experience for me. I'm glad to have had the chance to try it before I start work for real.


I think my brain must have been craving for some feel-goodness after being a bundle of nerves for nine hours, it wanted some alcohol! Decided to alight from the bus to have a nice dinner and a glass of white wine at Bliss, this cosy restaurant that has sprung up in the most unlikely of places - Punggol Park, a jogger's haunt in the heartlands. (See picture on right, of alfresco area overlooking the lake, and Sengkang flats in the background!)

It was just simply relaxing enjoying dinner (fish and chips) alone in the cool of the evening.

Saturday was back to school for project!!! My mum couldn't believe her ears. She actually said: "Huh, how come got project???"

Mum, I'm a student now.

I must really thank God that ALL my project mates are DAMN ON!!! All did their readings and were soooo enthusiastic!!! One of them, a 46-year-old father of three, even took the initiative to prepare some powerpoint slides first.

I take my hat off them. I felt lazy next to them.

So it was 10am to 3pm (imagine that!) at school discussing, then it was off to cell group for a very invigorating discussion on tithing (thank you Ivan), and then it was karaoke from 8pm to midnight with olduvai and dsd.

Heh. Olduvai can sing Chinese songs leh :) And to welcome the Mooncake Festival, we crooned to Xu Meijing's Cheng Li De Yue Guang (loosely translated, Moonlight in the City). Sorry, me dunno how to type Chinese characters on PC.

And now to last night, leo and I caught Bar at Buena Vista!!! Yes, while we sat in the ageing seats (wood was peeling off, I like) at Victoria Concert Hall, we were transported back to Havana with the mesmerising sounds of Cuban music.

It is one of those rare times when you get to see so many legends on stage. About 10 musicians and dancers were on stage, but believe you me, if you added the ages of just three of them, you would get a grand total of more than 200.

Most memorable was 87-year-old Reynaldo Creagh, whose rich vocals rang resonantly in the hall, never faltering once. When he did not sing, he would sit back with his legs crossed, in a grandfather's rocking chair. Indeed, his frail frame and walking cane were deceiving.

We joked that we would not be surprised if the small old man would suddenly breathe his last in the rocking chair, only to laugh in amazement when he started to jive to the upbeat tunes. A slight twist to the right and to the left, an elegant turn on one foot, some nifty footwork to impress.

The most amusing part? His victory sign at the end of the show! Imagine a little old man flashing two upturned fingers at you like he's the champion of the soccer game.

He made growing old look so fun :)

she's such a sweetie...

leo's dog shermaine is such a sweetie. And you can tell when she really misses human company - she follows you around like a...well, leech is such a negative word to use...like an adorable kid bent on not letting you out of her sight!!!

the moment you stop to stroke her head, she flips onto her back, a signal for you to give her a good tummy rub. She'll turn a bit to the right for you to scrub more of her left, and then to the left when she feels the right needs some attention.

AIYOH!!! SO CUTE!!!

when you stop to pour yourself a cup of water or wash your hands, she'll plonk herself on the floor to wait for you. When you sit down to read something, she'll come along and start licking your toes. And then she'll stare at you with her big round black eyes, as if finding you to be such great entertainment.

westies also love to stand on their hind legs. So when she is really happy at seeing you return home, you can be sure that she'll start going mad, prancing around like a hyper bunny, pawing you with her two front limbs while standing on her hind legs.

AIYOH!!! SO CUTE!!!

I've never been able to catch a picture of that cos once you start moving along, she immediately tags along :)

be with me

The problem with working from home and studying at home, is that there is no one to...be with me. Socially, I'm lacking. Tis' a lonely affair.

And so off I went to catch Eric Khoo's Be With Me with cocoatina. First time I managed to get tix at GV Plaza, all thanks to a chance to catch the afternoon show.

Beautiful show, with no lack of poignant moments, and so much to tell in long silences and everyday routine. Very Eric Khoo.

For me, it was the grieving old Chinese shopkeeper's face that spoke millions. Creased like a piece of roughened cloth that could never be ironed straight, every line on his wizened face seemed to tell a story of life.

A life like yours and mine - of love lost and won, of the inevitable ups and downs.

The men don't geddit

I WANT TO COMPLAIN.

Why must girls get PMS, seriously??? Here I have a friend telling me she's had a bawling session cos of PMS. (anyways, thanks aime for the calcium recommendation.) And a few weeks back, another friend was msn-ing me saying PMS was preventing her from enjoying her Beijing trip.

I mean, it's unfair right??? Not like it's very convenient having the THING itself. In addition to it, we must experience extreme and unexplainable mood swings, splitting headaches, cramps, fatigue...and the list goes on.

SICK.

The worse thing is as you grow older (well in my case that's how it is), the symptoms seem to get worse. I've never experienced PMS until six months ago. And when it hits, my moods just take a life of their own. No, they fight to control me.

The men just don't geddit. Leo says I have to control them, but really, how do you control something that doesn't listen?

Two days ago, when the THING hit, I suddenly felt so tired, couldn't keep my eyes open, couldn't concentrate on doing work. Affected my productivity!

SICK.

PLUS, it gave me such a terrible headache I couldn't sleep. Had to pop two painkillers.

Aiya, actually I shouldn't be complaining cos I know others have it worse. The most amusing thing is when people say the solution to PMS is to...is to... have a baby!!!

Eh, a bit costly right?

A lifetime of sacrifice for that bit (comparatively) of pain relief.

Pui!!!! I HATE PMS!!!

tired...

leo's gone a-diving...
sob.
without me.
then again, I didn't wanna go.

reached home half an hour ago from class...
sian.
long way home.
eyes so tired, need to sleep

boring...
why do girls have to go through The Time Of The Month?
pms is bad.

so very bad.

another homecooked lunch

today's lunch menu for my bro and I:

porridge
stir-fry prawns with xiao bai chye
fried egg with chai por (salted turnips)
panfried salmon

hee hee, I'm actually beginning to enjoy cooking :)

three things you (sorta) never knew about me

Since olduvai has tagged me, here goes.
List three random facts about yourself that your friends might not know. And then tag five other friends to do it.

Fact #1. I took Higher Chinese in secondary school! When I was in sec 3, I was selected by my Chinese teacher to take part in a lang3 song4 (do you call it prose recitation?) competition. Was part of a group of five girls and we competed against powerhouses like Dunman High ok! Don't pray pray! But, of course, I was the most ang mor of all of them, and Chinese the worst lah.

Fact #2. I've never kept my hair beyond shoulder length and the last time it was that long, I was in kindergarten. Ever since then, it was been short short short all the way. And going for haircuts (see picture of my expert stylist Aaron at work) has been a monthly affair ever since. My late aunt (who took up hairdressing as a hobby) used to make me her guinea pig when I was in primary school. So I ended up with weird assymetrical cuts, sometimes!

Fact #3. When I was between the ages of 19 and 21 (I remember the period cos I was with my ex-bf then), I took part in a Chinese singing competition at Mu Chuan. In English, it's called The Ark Lounge. There were three rounds (I think) to clear before qualifying for the semis (or was it the finals?). I cleared only the first. Tough lah, there was this really experienced guy taking part who I think dances and sings semi-professionally, and cute too. How to compete??? NOT FAIR!!! Oh, and I remember having a tiff with my ex just before I went onto stage. Irrelevant, but these things suddenly pop into your mind when you start recalling stuff...

:)

Ok now I tag...
cocoatina
ah beng
belle
moon
wynne
aime
(and bro, if you can be bothered)

that's more than five pple, but nvm lah :)

snort...oink...

Hello! Meet the pig brigade (right), all ready to be munched on for the Mooncake Festival that falls on Sep 18. So cute right? Sold at a little confectionary in Bedok North.

Used to love eating the flatter piggies in those long netted baskets. Those were the days. Now there's this fattened up breed!

Also, meet a slimmer-faced me. Hmm...maybe it's the camera angle. Whatever it is, one kg lighter now! It calls for a celebration! Err...wait...shouldn't be pigging out right? :)

pink boxers to tease your man...

chanced upon this pushcart at Jurong Point (outside Giordano) the other day and found that it sold really sweet, pink boxers with tiny prints! Haha. Really pretty designs, also in blue and other pastels that I think look pretty cool. Girls would love them too! Was tempted to buy for meself, but thought, wanna save money :)

Check out litmusblue's online site here. Online, its slim-fit shirts in modern-vintage/contemporary-chic/whatever-you-call-it designs look quite nice. Sells at Hemisphere's at OG Orchard Point and Queensway Shopping Centre too.

Pushcart at Jurong Point didn't carry the shirts though, so don't know about quality.

Thristan

There's a really cute boy called Thristan (yes, with the H, I noticed his uniform nametag) who lives in my block. Today is the second time he has introduced himself to me. He is probably in primary three or four, plump, with rosy cheeks.

My block has this private gate where you have to flash a card at the sensor (a la ezlink on the bus) in order to get into the lift lobby. I open the gate for him, and surprise surprise, he says "thank you".

Polite kid, I like. (How many Singaporean kids actually say thank you???)

He keeps looking at me. We get into the lift.

He leans with his haversack against the wall, and says in a slightly adulterated American accent, enunciating his words slowly: "Hi, my name is Thristan, what's your name?"

Innocent, marble-like eyes look at me expectantly. I take a few seconds to get over my surprise at his forwardness, and then reply. And I tell him I think I saw his brother and mother in the lift earlier in the day. His brother (a pudgier version of Thristan) and mother both speak with the accent, and his brother actually waved hello to me - a stranger - when I entered the lift. Mum even sayed bye.

Thristan says: "Oh, is he Ryan? He's Ryan."

The lift door opens, and he is still waiting for me to answer. I say, yup, I think it's Ryan.

I walk out, and Thristan says bye.

How cute.