匿名的好友

獨送昏暗莫離的風
回憶裡被愛那股激動
天色好紅溫柔好濃
在胸口浮現你的臉容
一起活在這城市迷宮
提起你名字心還跳動
卻沒重逢只留下碰卻又不敢碰的那種激動
也許我們當時年紀真的太小
從那懵懵懂懂 走進各自天空
該怎麼說 讓彼此選擇
但思念還轉動

不能握的手
從此匿名的朋友
其實我的執著依然執著
與你無關淚自行吸收
不能握的手
卻比親人更親厚
當所有如果都沒有如果
只有失去的溫柔 最溫柔

當又一次美夢落空
回憶裡被愛那股激動
天色好紅
溫柔好濃在胸口浮現你的臉容
也許我們當時年紀真的太小
從那懵懵懂懂 走進各自天空
那是什麼 讓彼此選擇
又不僅是尊重

不能握的手
從此匿名的朋友
其實我的執著依然執著
與你無關淚自行吸收
不能握的手卻
比親人更親厚
當所有如果都沒有如果
只有失去的溫柔 最溫柔

不能握的手
從此匿名的朋友
其實我的執著 依然執著
卻決心和你不再聯絡
不能握的手
卻比愛人更長久
當所有如果都沒有如果
只有失去的擁有 最永久

Last Words

I made one last trip down to visit Kericia, having promised the kids I would not forget their Christmas presents a few months ago. Albeit feeling uneasy after not seeing her for almost 2 months, I picked up the courage to walk up to her door step.

This time, she was with the boyfriend. Kericia and I had no more than twenty minutes' conversation before I forced myself to leave. She asked about the girlfriend, and I told her we broke off. Seeing someone else around I made a few casual comments, not wanting to bitch about the ex nor tell her I had been unfair to the ex; for still loving her while I was with someone else.

I asked about her trip to England, she said she would be staying over with some friends for 6 months and I wished her well. Never got a chance to thank her for inspiring me to do better, nor tell her how much I still love her. Guess somethings are best kept in the closet. I said nothing else afterwards and briefly sent myself off. She's in safe hands now, happy as a bird... time to let go I think.

I bid the kids goodbye. "Byebye Max kor kor!" Alicia chirped with a sunshine smile, engrossed with her computer game while Lucia simply said bye without looking at me. "No manners arh!" Kericia chided her off, and Lucia simply smiled with a mischievous look on her face. I was amused, how much she resembled her mom. I would miss the girls, not having a chance to tell them how much I love them or get a hug from them.

I stepped out the door, put my shoes on, looked at Kericia for the last time and smiled. "Take care" I said. She thanked me for the gifts, acknowledging my efforts as a friend to keep her in my heart. We said our goodbyes, and I knew that it would be the very last time we would meet again.

The Little Things That The Girlfriend Does For Me

An impromptu Christmas card personally penned and hand-drawn by the ex-girlfriend.. on it was scribbed,

"Christmas . . . . . meaning of it:

Chocolatety,
Hopeful
Ridiculously cute... (i'm lying!)
Ice creamie
Steamingly hottie
Tamed... by me
Masculine... used to
Amazing
Sweet

What X'mas reminds me... of 'U' "

I am no doubts appreciative of her efforts, she is afterall the only girl who has ever actually made a Christmas card for me by hand. I am impressed and touched.

Wonderwoman

The girlfriend(or ex for that matter) recently chanced upon a post on my Facebook, in which I expressed my intention to see Kericia again. Needless to say I incurred her wrath and we broke up. . . conveniently via SMS. Although I was disappointed with her attitude toward that issue I have to admit, I have been treating her rather unfairly.

Knowing the ex, she's never going to listen to me so I decided I should take this chance to reminisce. You see, the sad thing about Kericia, is that our friendship soured; simply because I broke the rules and let's just say desperately tried to get out of the friend zone. I failed of course, to my regret. Before then, we had a short history as good friends and colleagues often confiding in each other and working together as a team(of sorts).

I have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for her like she's some kinda icon. She represented feminism and that's really cool. Fact: she's the only woman in my life who proved herself worthy of leadership in an environment ruled by men. Fiesty, fiercely loyal and selfless she resembles Mulan, the heroine from an ancient chinese tale. Despite her age, this 25 year old and mother of two is not to be messed with, because she has an amazing history, enough to be weaved into some kinda drama series. Out of every experience she grew into a sensible and matured woman; which was one of the reasons I took towards her.

Kericia certainly isn't flawless but at best she isn't one bit the materialistic kind, has a free spirit, pleasant and sensitive towards people, holds herself well, respects her peers, works hard and most of all loves her kids. In a relationship, she's definitely not the kind who would demand something from her partner. Her partner instead, willingly submits himself to her. Now anywhere this girl goes anyone will want to be her friend and employers would value her as an asset.

I know by this time if the girlfriend ever does read this she'd be fuming mad but she if doesn't understand the reason for my admiration towards Kericia then suffice to say; she's incapable of accepting my past and the various people I've met throughout my life. Most importantly, she doesn't value the fact that she actually possesses me or the fact that she would someday for her patience and appreciation get the very best from me.

PS: I appreciated her efforts to make me an impromptu Christmas card, which was very sweet.

Amnesia

Had a bizarre dream of waking up to find myself father to a 4 year old daughter, the mom an old former schoolmate who somehow managed to stand by me although I had completely no memory of the years we supposedly had together.

"The truth is, everyone you meet will hurt you at one point or another. You just need to decide who is worth the pain."

at this point in my life, she's the one.

I am proud of my career and my job.. but with every achievement I never forget the sacrifices I made. I lost a potential relationship because I chose to step up my career.. I don't think she will ever understand what I tried to do for her. She never supported my decision nor gave me any blessings.

If I could turn back time and made another choice, maybe I would've chosen to stay by her side. I still love her despite how she takes me for granted. Somehow, a part of me refuses to let her struggle with her life alone. I love her.. I love the kids.

"Whatever hit you hit you, if you survive after that then the rest(will be nothing to you)." - Clement Ronald Ng

WHY EMPLOYEES LEAVE ORGANISATIONS ? - Azim Premji, CEO- Wipro

5. December 2006, 23:26 Uhr

Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.

Early this year, Mark, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.

He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office,and the very best technology,even a canteen that served superb food.

Twice Mark was sent abroad for training. “My learning curve is the sharpest it’s ever been,” he said soon after he joined.

Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Mark walked out of the job.

Why did this talented employee leave ?
Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.

The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called “First Break All The Rules”. It came up with this surprising finding:

If you’re losing good people, look to their immediate boss ..Immediate boss is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he ’s the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge,experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition.

“People leave managers not companies,” write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.

Mostly manager drives people away?

HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave,but a thought has been planted. The second time, that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he looks for another job.

When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: “If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don ‘t have your heart and soul in the job.”

Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious,too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.

Talented men leave. Dead wood doesn’t.
“Jack Welch of GE once said. A company’s value lies “between the ears of its employees”.

Quote of the Day

"There's no need to keep proving yourself to others. Just do what you do best, because if I have to prove the whole world wrong, everyone will be arguing with me." - Clement Ronald Ng

Coincidence

I went down to Eden Sanctuary today and met Clement Ronald Ng, self-made chef and owner of the restaurant. As we sat down for my interview, I found out that my former classmate Maliwi was there during her apprenticeship a year ago. Small world, Clement knows Mark as well who in turn referred me to Eden Sanctuary. At the same time, the Academy is working to attach students over to the restaurant... which in a certain context will help put me on the map.

Maliwi(At-Sunrice) ----->> Clement Ronald Ng@Eden Sanctuary ------>> Valerie(friend of Clement) ------>> Mark Leong@HSBC ------>> Me ------>> Eden Sanctuary

I think it funny how the world goes round.

Kylie

I bumped into Kylie today while I was walking around Orchard Ion with Keith. For a while I couldn't believe my eyes and as she passed by I put a hand on her arm just before she got on the escalator. I took a quick glance at her hands as she turned around.

"Hey." She said, smiling.

"Just knocked off from work?" Kylie asked.

"Nah, I'm off today. So how you doing?" I said, happy to see her.

"I'm good, was just going for hotel training."

"Hotel training? You switched jobs?"

"No lah, still the same job. They're our client." She explained.

"So where are you working now? Still at the same place?" Kylie asked.

"Yeah... I mean no! I work at Far East Plaza now, Kitchen Mogu Mogu." I said.

"Which hotel are you with?" I asked.

"Royal hotel."

"Ohhh alright." I replied, then a short pause. "Well, what's with the ring?"

"Hmmm was that what you were aiming at all the while? Yeah I've got like a lot of rings now." She smiled as she showed me the rings on her fingers. Then there was one particular ring I couldn't help notice.

"What? Some significant other gave it to you?" I asked, thoughts floating through my mind.

"Nahh, I bought it for myself."

"Rigghhht.." I said as I nodded my head, strangely relieved. She once said she wanted to buy a diamond ring by herself and apparently she's done it.

"Sooo, you haven't changed your number right?" I asked.

"Yeah, not yet. Still the same number."

I wanted very much to continue the conversation, but before I had a chance we parted with a, "see you around."

I was glad to see her again, despite a deep sense of regret and shame. Given another chance I would want to get back in touch with Kylie again, having learnt a valuable lesson after losing her. It was a turning point of my life, and now that I love another I swore to myself never to repeat the same mistakes I made on Kylie.

I loved Kylie, but she's history.

For Tomorrow

After consulting a fortune teller, I was given a revelation. For once in my life, I've come to terms with myself, I'm beginning to see how all the puzzle pieces fit together. . . most importantly, it all makes sense.

For the sake of my future, my family and my career, to complete the final phase of my journey (and untold years of hardship) I've to forego an ordinary life and even give up loving someone. I love Jasmine, and I love her very much but someday I will be forced to shut myself off of her.

Creature Wearing Skirts

Peter to daughter on the phone: "KTV is KTV, Kbox is Kbox! KTV are the ones with creatures wearing skirts, Kbox don't have."

The Party Girl

Disclaimer: THE PERSON(S) AND EVENTS IN THIS WORK ARE FICTIOUS. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

She parties every night of her life, downing glass after glass of tequila shots and spirit, dancing away in estacy with her "sisters". In exchange for what would be a short term happiness and in hopes of perhaps finding her one true Prince Charming somewhere out in the dancefloor, Diana abuses her youth, slowly poisoning herself with excessive alcohol. Choosing to make up for those many years lost, she parties all night disregarding the concerns of her colleagues, her friends, her family and the one man who truly wants to love her and give her a better deserving life (but of course, she doesn't realise that yet).

Some will say that she doesn't love herself, some will say, it her freedom to live the life she wants. Who is to say she is wrong? And yet who agrees that she's right? Life is short, yet how many of us gave up pursuing our dreams and lived in regret? Perhaps Diana found a certain courage to sacrifice her life to live out her desires, or maybe she simply found some peace by escaping.

The many reasons for her need to escape, to party what remains of her life away. A broken family, a broken marriage and years of regrets.

Is it fair to say that Kate, Felicia and Diana's gang of "sisters" are bad influence? Maybe, but yet what do we know of them and their years of hardship together? The lines between right and wrong are thin, some find solace within denial, some simply choose to bravely face reality. Happiness and peace comes with sacrifice, there is no fate but what we make.

Dropping the Bombshell

Apparently a friend of mine decided to(or not to) invite me for her wedding, mischievously suggesting that on her wedding day, I would propose to this certain girl possibly adding a double dose of drama and shock upon that auspicious day.

I later on found the joke simply hilarious (and *ahem!* strangely inspiring).

Bad Moods At Work

Eckel Sara , Forbes.com
Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Bad Moods At Work

Having a positive attitude, even striving for cheerful, in the workplace isn't always easy. Pat Heim recalls a conference room confrontation between two men that had the executives shouting over each other and pounding their fists on the table. Heim was one of the uncomfortable bystanders and, for her, it was an object lesson in how moods matter at work.
That kind of outburst is bad form for any professional, but it's worth noting up front that overly emotional or moody behavior is often judged more harshly when it comes from a woman, says Heim, CEO of the Heim Group, a consulting firm that specializes in gender differences in the workplace, and author of Hardball for Women: Winning at the Game of Business.

In Depth: Mind Over Mood
In Pictures: Seven Common Body Language Mistakes
In Depth: You're Sick. Now What?
In Pictures: World's Most Expensive Fast Food
In Pictures: World's Most Expensive Commutes

In Depth: Mind Over Mood

"A woman can be perceived as Miss Congeniality for six or seven months, but she does that one bitchy thing and that label will stay with her for a year or two," agrees Courtney Lynch, co-founder of Lead Star, a leadership consulting group out of Fairfax, Va.
While the implications of an angry outburst--or even a sarcastic eye roll--can have a long-lasting impact on an executive's authority, it can also rock her entire team. Research confirms that a sour mood has a ripple effect. Sigal Barsade, Ph.D., an associate professor of management at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, has done several studies on "emotional contagions" in professional settings and found that, yes, you can catch a bad mood.
Not quite up there with swine flu, but certainly no manager wants negativity spreading throughout her office--especially if she herself is Ground Zero.
The ability to manage your emotions is an essential leadership skill and responsibility. The best managers make the connection between negativity in the workplace and a negative balance sheet. To make the obvious and opposite point, according to Professor Barsade's 2007 study co-authored by Donald Gibson, who is an associate professor of management at the Dolan School of Business at Fairfield University: "Expressing positive emotions and moods tends to enhance performance at individual, group and organizational levels."
"Especially with the economy right now, people look to leaders for calm in a chaotic environment," says Lynch, co-author of Leading from the Front: No-Excuse Leadership Tactics for Women.

People generally experience a bad or angry mood as a response to fury, fear or failure--real or perceived. So what do you do when a phone call from your sitter reporting that your twins just flooded the bathroom--again--strikes just as you're heading into that client meeting?

The first step is self awareness followed by self control. Admit to yourself that, yes, you're in bad mood, and then make sure you keep your crabbiness under wraps. "Some people think, 'This is just my thing--I cry, I scream, I get moody,'" says Lynch. "But that the type of stuff alienates people and erodes your credibility."
What can you do? ForbesWoman asked experts in integrative medicine and psychology to share the advice they tell their clients. Some of their suggestions offer a new take (who knew the benefits of a little foot stomping?) while others are wise words worth repeating.

Be Here Now

When you're feeling cranky, it's often easy to pinpoint (or point fingers at) the problem: your boss, your husband, traffic. But while any one or all may be a problem at the moment, they are not in control of your reaction to them. You are.

Managing how you respond to others is oftentimes simply a matter of managing your thoughts, says Steven Alper, LSCW, a consultant with the Scripps Center for Integrative Medicine who teaches stress-reduction techniques to executives. For example, if your boss gives you an extremely tight deadline for a project, it's easy to get caught in an endless spin cycle of whining: I can't believe she did this to me again! Doesn't she realize I have 10 other things to do this week? Not to mention a family at home that needs me--not that she would know what that's like.

In other words, you're wasting precious time and energy ruminating about the past (all those other 11th-hour assignments) and fretting about the future (not finishing in time to get your kids from daycare). The solution, instead, is to bring yourself into the present. Either get to work, recruit help or explain to your boss why the deadline is unrealistic.

Get Grounded

To short-circuit those recurring negative thought patterns, Alper recommends thinking not on, but with your feet. "We literally feel the thinking in our heads, so you want to get away from where the thinking is going on and drop into the body," he says.

Place your feet firmly on the floor (either standing or sitting--and it's OK to stomp each foot just once) and feel the sensation of the soles of your feet pressing on the surface. This will help you get you out of fantasyland and onto solid ground.

Take a Deep Breath

A foul mood may start in the brain, but it also has a physical effect--calling for a physical solution. Proper breathing techniques can help keep a bad mood from turning into a raised voice or nasty IM.

Alper explains that the value of "taking a breath" isn't simply a matter of pushing the pause button. When something upsets us, like a hostile co-worker, we often freeze--and stop breathing. "When we perceive a threat, the primitive part of our brain prepares the body to fight, flee or freeze by sending blood to our arms and legs--and away from the brain--so you feel more confused," he says.
Slow, deep and rhythmic breathing can dissipate that response. "When you take a deep breath, the message that goes to the brain is, OK, all clear,'" says Alper.

To get the most out of deep-breathing strategies, he recommends practicing them for at least 10 minutes each day; otherwise it will be very difficult to access that relaxation state in a moment of crisis. "It's like batting practice or basic training in sports," he says. "You have to learn the basic skills so that you can deploy them in a game situation."

Hit the Pavement

Exercise is another very simple, effective way to check out of the brain and into the body. Unfortunately, when the client meeting is in 15 minutes, you can't exactly duck out for a Pilates class or a five-mile run.
Fortunately, you don't have to. Robert Thayer, a professor of psychology at California State University, Long Beach, found that mood improves dramatically after a brisk walk of only about 10 to 15 minutes. "It has an immediate and positive effect," says Thayer, who is the author of several books on mood, including The Origin of Everyday Moods. "It both releases tension in the muscles and energizes the body."
Bad moods are inevitable, but there are even more ways to work past them. We can help you with more negativity busters in Mind Over Mood.

Final Thoughts

DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed are solely of my own and do not represent any other individuals. These are purely my personal thoughts, all of which will eventually be archived. Any occurring disputes will not be entertained nor challenged.

To my dearest baby sister,

I am utterly disappointed with your recent performance at work and your poor attitude that has cost your colleagues inconvenience. I admit that as a brother, I am a failure. I taught you responsibility and yet you learnt nothing. I hope you have a good explanation for your irrational behavior. I understand that you are still young, and as so forgivable by the society's standards. However, know this; our past acts will eventually affect our future. Everything has it cause and effect.

I still have faith however, that you will gradually mature as I did along the years, after all I was just as rebellious, brash and impetuous as you when I was your age. In fact, you remind me of myself when I was 16. I pray you'd grab hold of your own life before it too late.


Dear K******,

These are just my own personal thoughts towards you.. if by any chance you do read this please understand that our relationship; as friends will remain unchanged. Although, I doubt you'd bother in any case.

I just want to remember many years down the road (whether or not by then we're still friends), something of you. In fact, if I ever get the chance to tell the whole world how I feel about you, I sure as hell will. You are my Wonder Woman... you resemble a feminist icon, a woman who survives in a world, an industry ruled by men. Although I'm no big fan of this comic book figure but in some ways, you're like my heroine. I guess you have a strange effect on men.

You're really a fantastic girl, your shortcomings being only your increasing alcholism, fiery temper, your obsession with cleaniness and perhaps your tendency to nag. (I've never told you how annoyed I get when my parents nag at me) Funnier still, you're slowly becoming your mom little by little, not that I actually know her.

Anyway, I don't think you ever realised how happy I was with you, eventually falling for you. Fact, you're the first girl who got to meet my friends, and guess what? They liked you too! You're the kind of girl whom I would be proud to show to my friends and family. Oh yeah sure you smoke, have tattoo but that's not a big deal. I mean really. You're cool to hang out with, fun to be with.. I don't think I ever met such an incredible girl like you. And, just for the record; you've turned my life around.

It took me a long time before I finally reached a final decision to pursue you. A girl like you, isn't easy to win. Then again it isn't always about winning, it about the process. Regardless of the outcomes at the end of our time as friends and colleague, I'm grateful for your presence in my life right now.

Change

I've been having those long talks with Clive again lately. We exchanged opinions and I told him about my decisions to leave the team, in return he gave me a challenge to fulfill before I venture out; change everyone's perspective about me and prove my worth to the team.

I'm taking his challenge seriously in effort to make a step up my career and personally, to win back Jasmine's trust and respect.

Rant and Rave

I got back from my first reservist, all pumped up to go back to work. The next thing I know, the whole day goes down the dumps. I decided to throw a teflon pan away, for the fact that the teflon coating had worn off revealing the toxic surface.

My boss enters, "what is this pan doing here?"

"I decided to throw it away because it no longer safe to use." I replied, expecting the boss to understand.

"And it just your own opinion?" the boss replies, challenging my judgement.

My chef picks up the pan, takes a look at it and goes off to scrub the pan and then hangs it up.

"C***, you keeping the pan?" I asked my chef.

"Yah." he replied.

I was pissed, absolutely pissed, an obvious expression of disagreement on my face.

"It not that you can't throw away the pan, but it the way you do it." The boss said in defence.

I throw it back at him and says, "Look, the toxic surface is exposed and I just don't want my customers to be poisoned, that's all. I'm not going to say anything else."

No one listens to me at the end. The worn out pan still hangs in the kitchen today, and I will pray no food ever comes in contact with it. I don't know why my chef wants to keep it, and I'm not happy with it. Such ignorance is a disgrace to us chefs, I wonder why I should even call him chef. Godamnnit.

And then later in the night, just an hour before our closing, I received a customer complaint. Major issue, and guess what? It my fault. . . . . again. I get the FUCKing blame . . . again. For any reasons, if I'm staying, it because of Jasmine, else I would've packed my bags and marched off.

Speaking of reservist, I was extremely pissed. I tried to defer for my graduation, I got rejected and I was asked to request for No Pay Leave. Fine. I complied and guess what? My leave was granted but I was allowed to leave camp just after my graduation rehearsal ended, and what did they say? "We can't allow you to leave just yet because you have to go through this BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH or you'd fail your ICT." Lucky the people who said it weren't directly responsible and were very nice or I would have FUCKING gave them a good one. FUCK the SAF man! (Yes. I just said FUCK YOU, go ahead and FUCKING charge me if you want to.) And guess what? They even requested for a letter of proof and a detailed schedule of the whole graduation. A letter of proof, fine! But a detailed schedule of the graduation.... CHEEBYE! You think you what? Lee Kuan Yew arh? Ninabei cheebye I'd FUCKING give you a number to take up with my CEO if you're FUCKING unhappy. I'm sure he'd be quite pleased to be FUCKING you bastards up. Hello, graduation leh, I got your goddamn letter of proof PLUS witnesses if you think you wanna challenge me. You think I give a sh*t to ICT? FUCK! I can (or rather have to) go for ICT every GOD-FUCKING year, but graduation is once in a FUCKING lifetime, you bunch of FUCKTARDS! Lucky I got to go for my graduation at the end of the day, else I wouldn't know how many letters I would've shot up their sorry FUCKED UP asses.

And Eugene called Jasmine so many times I almost wanted to pick up her phone and scream at him. I'm sorry but your train already left the station brudder! I come back from reservist and you gotta pull this kinda stunt? Oh for fuck's sakes can't you just be nice to my sister and fulfill your promises? C'mon, if my girlfriend were to constantly break promises I would just tell her, Look don't give me anymore promises, especially if you can't fulfill them! Gawd, just where the FUCK has the whole world gone to man?!

My little sis came over to cook a few days ago, surprisingly whipped up a pretty neat dinner(not for us of course) for the boyfriend. I stood by the side to watch as she displayed her talents to her proud brother. At the end of the day, she prepared three dishes; Sambal Prawns, Baked Salmon Fillet in Oyster Sauce and Stir Fried Vegetables with Oyster Sauce. More pictures here.

Wrapping up the salmon fillet in a brilliant move to preserve flavour and retain moisture.

The sister gleefully cooking away.

Former colleague and happy boyfriend to my sis, Eugene.

The Mob

I got called back for mobilisation today, an absolutely stupid and useless day just to inspect our field packs. Had to drag myself out of bed at 10 in the morning, pack everything, stuff it all into a duffel bag and then drag the whole thing downstairs to take a cab to camp. It funny by the way, I never forgot how to tie my boots.

I reached the camp half an hour before the inspection and oh man was I sweating like a pig. I swear I hadn't sweat till beads form along my chin since the day I ORD-ed, and that was nearly 3 years ago. Memories of my service days started to flood my mind, I started to recall those horrible service days and I'm glad I don't have to do it everyday now.

The first person I saw during the mob was Mike. Mike, better known as Yuyang was this very atlethic gung-ho fella I had known since my primary school days. That was then, of course. Now he's a laid back white collar worker who's gotten plump. Oh my gawd. He never smoked as far as I remember and I was shocked to see him with the stick. Funny, I was telling Keith how Mike was energetic and healthy back in secondary school but through the years it like he starts to decline from a laid back soldier to a uh . . . . . . well Mike is now working in a small private advertising company. Come to think of it, I had a very atlethic body many years ago and now that I'm just busy with work, I've started to grow fat.

I was surprised to bump into KengWhye later, a very old friend of mine from way back during primary school. I wasn't expecting to see him in my unit, and I figured he probably got attached to us somewhere along the way. I sure was glad to see him again.

A little later the hall started to fill and the event became more like a reunion of sorts; old friends seeing old friends again and former platoon mates coming together again for another training. I saw Hengka again, all fresh and chirpy, then he surprised us with his shiny brand new "10 Packs". Gawd, I thought, this guy must be mad. I was impressed nevertheless, because he had once again shown himself to be an able leader. It kinda funny, how an old friend is my superior in green.

I met others along the way and there are those with a happy, upbeat life and then there are those with sad tales. Take Gerald for example; a smart, intelligent fella who was a medic in our company. You'd think he probably has a good job by now, or maybe a proper life but I talked to him and learnt later on that he had joined the construction industry, long hours, low pay, no social life and no girlfriend. If I had more time to chat with him, I would've wanted to say," C'mon Gerald, you're an able man so why aren't you doing anything with your life? I mean, I think you can have a better career path seriously." Bryan on the other hand, told us he's now a father and husband. He looked happy and all, so we're really glad for him.

It interesting that I got to see how people change with times, and you bump into old friend you had known since your childhood days and you just witness the changes in them.. then you come to a point where you realise that we're all growing old and how life goes by.

I'm looking forward now to my first ICT. I hate the SAF and the government to the core, but I'm beginning to see reservist as an opportunity to network and see old friends, maybe even gain myself potential customers, create contacts and create an entirely new social circle.

The Adventures of Cheeky Chick

Left: my attempt at creating the Cheeky Chick... a complete flop. Below: The eggs (body of a "Cheeky Chick") that Jasmine churned out with tender loving care.

Above: The adorable finished Cheeky Chick, made lovingly by Jasmine

Moral of the story, it been proven I have clumsy hands. Delicate stuff just crumbles under my fingers. I guess women are designed for the intricate and cute stuff unlike men?

Happy Single?

A penny for a thought... I can't say I love being single but I've just discovered the magic of being a bachelor, and what's not to like about it right?

I'm single, uncommitted. Sure I might not be getting any dates at all, but that also means I get to hang out with myself. I don't need to wait for anyone or compromise with anyone. I enjoy my own company, no arguements, no disagreements, no worries. If I get to date some hot chick, or dump the idea of dating at all, or even go serial dating, who's to blame me? I get to be a jerk because I have options laid out before me. Nothing bad about that, I get to look at a massive list of candidates.

Being a bachelor means I get to spend and splurge on myself. I don't need to be spending money on another girl, who may not even reciprocrate my feelings. I get to choose who I want to spend on and who I should spend on. I'm single, sure. That means I get to practice my craft until I perfect it, so I'm naturally not afraid of rejections. I move on from one target to the next until I score.

Being on my own means nobody's gonna start nagging at me(asides from mom) when I'm out partying at night dunking down glasses of wine and beer and whatever. I get to travel, anywhere and everywhere, no strings attached, I get to focus on my job and move up the ladder without anyone complaining that I don't spare time for them.

Ultimately, I'm single and if I'm not enjoying myself then I'm just wasting my life.

The Source

I have no idea who wrote this but I thought it was funny.

Quote of the Day

"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you." - Matthew 7:2 (New American Standard Bible)

Labour Day Dinner @ Mark's

Spent a day at Mark's house as chef for a day 2 weeks ago on a Labour Day. I planned the menu, he sponsored the cost of the dinner, CheeYong and Mark himself assisted and everyone else had fun!

Photography courtesy of Mark Leong:

Clockwise; Potato Leek Soup, Honey Glazed Chicken w/ Rosemary, Grapefruit and Honey Pears Mesclun Salad w/ Balsamic Vinegrette(courtesy of Mark), Aglio Olio

In the middle of preparation

CheeYong helping out

Misc-En-Place

Left to Right: Andy, Julia, Me and CheeYong

In the heat

Blending the potatoes and leeks into the soup

Chill time. . .

Wolverine Fanatical

My latest collection, a fully poseable 6" Wolverine figure!

Say What?!

Working with "ah teongs" has it hilarious moments, although sometimes at it most annoying. Recently, this colleague of mine from China came into the kitchen to ask about some English word she heard, "just now an old lady touched my cheeks and said nicermee, what does that mean?" she said in Mandarin.

Eric and I were dumbfounded. "What nicermee? There's no such word." Eric explained, half irritated.

"Nicermee!" again she said. "Emma, Eh-ya, See-ya!" Shangyan recited in a desperate attempt to spell the word. We understood absolutely nothing of what she said and I nearly burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, but we just can't understand your pronunciation." I replied, extremely amused by her attempt.

"Nicermee-ya!" She cried.

"What are you trying to say? There's no such word in English, have you heard it wrongly or maybe you pronounced it wrongly?" Eric asked, annoyed with Shangyan.

I have no idea how we came up with an answer but we later found out she was merely trying to pronounce the word "nice".

"It NICE. Not nicermee. There's no mee!" said Eric, impatiently.

Unleashed

I'm sorry I can no longer restrain myself. I keep having this unrepressable anger and hatred inside me.. the more I try to contain myself the worse it gets so I'm gonna let it all out. I can no longer be f**king bothered. The more I think about you everytime the more I start to hate you. I hate you for taking granted of me, I hate you for hurting me, I hate you I hate you and I hate you to bits. I must be out of my mind to hate you because you don't f**king deserve it, but I do.

I should thank you for numbing my heart because I no longer feel any love nor any desire.. just pure anger and hatred. I tried my very best to be a friend to you, treat you nicely, tried to make you happy and all you ever returned me were what? Your cold shoulders, your non-attention, your constant rejections and your god-f**king excuses! You did not even give me basic respect as a friend. Infact, did you even think of me as a friend? NO! When you were lonely and bored you looked for me. Did I ever turn you down? NO! I offered every god damn thing I could, just for you. Now I just feel anger whenever I hear your name. I never want to hear of you again. I can't love you so I'm going to hate you. Twice you've plunged a dagger into my heart without a blink, without mercy. Twice you've given me sorrow.

Because of you I have lost faith in every women on this god-forsaken planet. I'm sick and tired of every female there is and I'm f**king sick and tired of you. I'm a fool for being mr.nice guy to you, I'm a fool for being your friend and a bigger fool to have fell for you. If I had known you would take me for granted and twist my strings around like a puppet, then I wouldn't have given a rat's a** to you when you were down. Who gives a sh*t now?! F**K YOU, GODDAMNNIT!

The Shopping Spree and Dinner with Mark

Ultra Detail Figure - Metal Gear Solid 20th Anniversary: Snake(MGS4 Version)

Found during my last retail therapy trip, I could not resist buying this baby off the shelves from Movie Replicas. This is Old Snake(from Metal Gear Solid 4), bought at an unbelievable S$89.00! Burnt a big hole in my wallet but it sure as hell rocks.

Anyway, I met up with Mark again this week. Lawrence and I were invited over to his house for dinner and we had this extremely succulent(and I mean succulent) roasted duck from Ipoh. It was too bad Jacq couldn't make it, because we had 2 pizzas later on along with a bottle of red wine courtesy of Lawrence! Damn good dinner.

After our meal, Lawrence decided to watch Ip Man on DVD while Mark occupied himself with FaceBook. We entertained ourself and waited for Jacq until around 10pm in the evening when we headed down to her place for another round of drinks and talk cock session. Thanks to Lawrence for throwing in the Russian Vodka(not German, thank you Jac!).

Sadako Visits

Sadako decides to drop by in broad daylight. (No worries, that's really just my mischievous little sister)

The Indian Rojak Incident

I've had a constant temptation to comment on the food hygiene of Singapore's F&B industry ever since the recent case of severe food poisoning. As a chef, I must say that it is tragic that hawkers and others alike lack either education or dedication to food, and most importantly their customers. I have myself seen chefs dip their spoons into the saucepan and into their mouths then back into the saucepan, then the cycle repeats. Absolutely disgusting. I can only wonder what runs through their minds when they're handling food, that's going out to millions.

Of course, it is amusing that hawkers out there in foreign countries still survive to this day, such as street hawkers in Taiwan or Thailand. I sometimes wonder, are Singaporeans too pampered, tamed or just simply weak? Okay that's not the issue anyway. Coming back to my point, the food industry is something easy to survive on no matter where you are on the globe, however I realise more than often these days that alot of people fail to pay attention to basic hygiene. They're more concerned about money going into their puny pockets rather than what's really going out to the people who matter. C'mon, who's paying for your salary right?

There might be other factors, such as lack of education; as I've mentioned. Tragic... real tragic. Nevertheless I believe every hawkers, cooks and chefs should take an initiative to ensure that they understand basic hygiene. It is their responsibility, or rather their job afterall don't you agree? Especially the management. (It is often the people at fault and not the organisation that's flawed)

I feel sorry anyway for the many who make a living by selling Indian Rojak.

Rest and Recreation

I finally met up with Jacqualine again last night at Timbre Substation along with her two fun loving friends XY(or so she calls herself) and Kevin, a fella who looks like a rendition of Gurmit Singh and a very youthful Lim Yu Beng, after a brief dinner with Mark at Sushi Don.

Speaking of Sushi Don, Mark and I each had a Salmon Don, his being cooked and mine raw. The dish was served was the salmon slices on top of the rice, with raw greens below and bit of ebiko(fish roe) on the salmon. The calrose rice was pleasantly sweet, the raw Salmon was fresh..... but you know what? The chefs mixed the wasabi somewhere along the lettuce! Thank God I had a cup of hot Ocha to suppress the taste or I would have teared to death. If you ask me, I'd probably go back there again but I'd watch out for the hidden Wasabi the next time round.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun with Jac, XY, Kelvin, Mark and his friend Christine. Many thanks to Kelvin and XY for their lovely jokes; which had me and Mark laughing ourselves half to death, Jac for her wonderful entertainment and of course the food... and not forgetting her hilarious antics. If I had any stress at work and whatever, it was gone with them. Thanks alot guys, for your company!

Twin

I met up with Chris today to get him an advance birthday gift, and he took me to this shop and introduced me to a salesgirl whom upon first sight reminded me of someone. I felt a rather strange attraction to her before I realised that she looked exactly like my ex-girlfriend Michelle right down from top to bottom. She was literally an exact copy, except her name and her nationality. I was shocked.

I couldn't help staring at her as I was talking to the sales assistant, nearly lost in a flurry of emotions, memories rapidly flashed across my mind. This isn't the first time I've met a girl who resembled Michelle but I had no idea there could be another who had all her features. All of a sudden, I miss Michelle. . . very much.

Guilt Stricken

A beggar came to us in the middle of the supper today. For the first time in my life I felt helpless, despite my conscience knocking away at me furiously. In order to protect every one's interest and for fear of getting unnecessary participants into trouble I kept quiet, waiting for someone to respond. No one did.

I've betrayed my principles and my mission in life, so from today on I swear to God I will not take the luxury I'm living now for granted. One day I will work to take as many poor folks off the streets as I can, one at a time. I will let no one starve, left jobless or wandering homeless.

WTF.

What I assumed were mere rumours turned out to be for real. I'm supposed to be happy, but somehow there's a gut feeling it just another passing stage. Perhaps I've seen too much... I feel strangely however like it a burden off my shoulders. I finally have no needs to worry or care, at least not for her. The only fear I have is the aftermath, which may be of any consequences although it is no longer in my jurisdiction.

Cookbook Asia Signature Nasi Lemak with Lemak Curry Chicken

Had lunch alone today at Heeren's after a bad afternoon at work. Went shopping at HMV and bought myself a headset before I saw a new signboard pointing to the basement. Interestingly, there is a restaurant called Cookbook Asia. Tiny place, just around 20 seaters or so with a simple menu.

I sat down after much thought, considering that the items were all a little pricey for local food. I picked the Ying Yang Chicken Rice unfortunately the rice was still cooking so I picked the Cookbook Asia Signature Nasi Lemak (@ $8.90 SGD) instead. My drink came first, followed by the main dish which took roughly 10 minutes to arrive. Considerable waiting time, if you really want something good.

The rice is light, fluffy and fragrant with a hint of sweetness. Not too bad, especially if you're looking for something less oily. I hit the chicken next and the taste was pretty good; the meat was tender, soft and the curry sauce despite not being spicy at all managed to get a pass from me with it hint of spices, mildly flavoured without any taste overwhelming the other. Would've been better however if it were served piping hot.

I later met up with Lawrence, Joy and Mark for dinner at Fish & Co @ Suntec. If you're there, I would recommend Seafood Platter for 2.. if both you and your friend are heavy eaters. Otherwise, pick Seafood Platter for 2 for a party of 4. All of us shared Calamaries grilled, recommended if you don't like deep fried food or prefer fresh grilled Calamaries. Anyone who visits Fish and Co should also try their Mussels with Garlic Lemon Butter Sauce.

Retail Therapy

With the constant loneliness and some spare cash, I'm beginning to develop a craving for material possessions. Within the month, I've splurged on self-motivation books, mens' magazines, an MP3 player, PS2 games, clothes, electronic accessories and all just to amuse myself. Just hours ago, I bought comic books I've long wanted to collect since my childhood days... I'm spoiling myself silly and indulging myself with food.

I've watched movies alone, treated friends to expensive dinners and living my life in self-indulgence and whatever. Does it suck to be me or what?

Awakening

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." Henry Drummond

I was in the middle of something in the kitchen today when I overheard the brother's conversation with Winnie. I realised then he had broken up with his girlfriend not because of commitment phobia or some trivial issues but a crack in the relationship that would inevitably result in an unhappy marriage.

All of a sudden, I found that all along I had been seeking a relationship which would carry on to a lasting marriage. Realising that I just want a girl I can settle down with also helped me come to terms with my present dilemma. I began to see that not having Pris become my girlfriend at this period wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it just meant a better chance for me tomorrow. With this, it also means I would endure an unknown number of years in isolation, insanity and single hood or encounter other potentials I would miss due to any circumstances. Pris may well be either one of them, but if my love develops deep enough along the way or if she's meant to be mine then we would somehow come together one day, otherwise...

And after losing KaiNi at my own hands, I've begun to feel even more determined never to give up Pris or any other girl I love the same way I did to KaiNi, I would never again repeat the same mistakes I committed on her. I loved her.... by all means, I sought redemption.

Finally, I began to see how Xiaoqi's brief presence in my life taught me lessons. I should thank her for helping me experience the joy of having mutual appreciation for each other's company and the experience of having someone appreciate my being. Ironically, my gratitude for her had to paid off with my departure from her life; which nevertheless brought both of us benefits. The only wish I have now is that she would one day understand and appreciate my decision.

Fall

I'm finally stuck, bored beyond wits on a Friday night. I simply miss the days when life was much more happening.... or do I really? I could be rewriting and editing some kiddy love letter for some friend's friend but I thought I'd skip that anyway.

I've nothing left of my life, now that I've given up socialising and going on stupid blind dates. I'm beginning to envision my future as Bruce Wayne(without the alter-ego), or Tony Stark, successful and pathetically lonely bachelor figures. I called up Mei, my Financial Advisor and told her I needed to see her urgently for something important. Astonished, she asked, "what's so important anyway? You getting married arh?!"

"Uh no, that's never going to happen" I said. It as though I'm becoming cynical. Do I believe in love anymore? The answer is no.

I sometimes wonder how on earth I have friends who have seemingly great lives and fantastic other halves. Why in the first place did they have me, a cynical, skeptical and possibly hopeless social dummy as a friend?

I recently re-affirmed my decision to remain single the whole of my life, refusing to believe in hope anymore. I've heard enough, "there's always a lid for every teapot." You know what? Whoever says that to me now is bullshitting. It been tested and proven, I'm meant for nobody. In fact, ever since I was a kid I've been falling out of love. I've had enough wasting my hopes, dreams and resources on love. My heart is dead for good. With my life and career going no-where, I'd soon have nothing left to live for if I don't make amends.

Exile

Even though you're never... no, you're not going to read this but I thought I should thank you for the many things you did (which) you might not have noticed.

Put it this way, I don't remember having someone caRe about me the way you did. You were the only gIrl who was really nice and attentive to me. I'm sure you'd forget me In a matter of years but I don't want to forget you so I'm locking down this memory here in case I ever forget. You are a Sweet, nice, Caring, decent, smart and beautIful girl. Any man who marries you would be the world's best darndest Luckiest man.

It too bad we have a 8 year age gap And well, just not meant for each other... no, I rephrase that. I'm meant to be alone. You're the first and the last I'd get dead drunk over, the very last I gave my heart to. You remind me of all the mistakes I've made my whole life, why I'm meant to be alone. You asked me once, move forward and learn from my past. I did, and this is the conclusion I've reached. It final and I've made my decision. Oh and you know what? It really a pity I'd forget how you look like one day.

I can only thank you for the warmth you gave to me in times of difficulty and in sickness. I got better because of you. For a while I was also much happier because of you. Thank you, thank you very much.

priscilia

Value

I seem to preach Lawrence's philosophy alot these days - I quote from the man himself, "friends are people who add value to your life and people you can add value to." I'm convinced it makes sense, and it been tried and tested several times; can't be wrong.

24

I was surprised to receive a message from somebody today, wishing me happy birthday when there was no apparent clue of how anyone would know of my birthday. The next thing I know, she came by and bought me a chocolate cake topped with my favourite candy along with a lit candle. During the busy hours and tons of unfinished work, this one brighten up my day the most, and of course not forgetting the sister who no longer acknowledges me still wish me happy birthday. Well, I believe these to be the best birthday gifts I've ever had in 24 years (asides from the ones that my family gave to me).

Unfortunately I still don't know who it was that told everyone of my birthday, and it was also unfortunate that I could not cut the birthday cake with my family this year. Anyway, whoever it was that informed everyone of my birthday I owe you a debt of gratitude which I hope I'd be able to repay. And, thanks alot to that someone who made my heart skipped a beat with a surprise that no one else had ever given me. I was stunned and most of all touched.

Paradoxical Commandments of Leadership

"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered - love them anyway.

Of you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior movtive - do good anyway.

If you're successful, you'll win false friends and true enemies - succeed anyway.

The good you do today will perhaps be forgotten tomorrow - do good anyway.

Honesty and franknes make you vulnerable - be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest man with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest man with the smallest mind - think big anyway.

People favour underdogs but follow only hot dogs - fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What spend years building may be destroyed overnight, build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you help them - help them anyway.

Give the world the best that you have and you will get kicked in the teeth - give the world the best that you have anyway.

If better is possible, then good is not good enough."

Full Stop

I'm done regretting. I will feel no remorse and will leave my deeds to be judged by higher forces.

A Gentle Reminder

*Names have been removed to protect identities*

To a certain individual I am unable to name, whether or not you still patronise my Blog, I ask, NO. I REQUEST that you do not bring your nonsense to my workplace especially when I'm not around. By all means you may express your displeasure for me anytime AND anywhere but my workplace.

Support me as a friend, sit as a customer and I assure you that you will be served as a worthy guest deserves. I will even be grateful to you for your presence but should you bring trouble or inconvenience to my colleagues and my sister then I will be forced to turn you away. This is but a simple request, not a challenge.

Lastly, as I hear that you are now attending classes, congratualations and all the best. I hope you will complete your courses successfully.

Farewell Hammie

I cremated the poor little fella who died a couple of nights ago, leaving his ashes where his body was burnt; not exactly a proper place but the best I could find.I pray that his soul rests now where there's mountain loads of sunflower seeds and other tasty tidbits. From today on, I will own no more hamsters, I'm a terrible owner.