..A World of Nonsense..

this blog.
this is the last post.
i have a new life.
and it's called evil.
so, say goodbye to this old, stupid ugly fat ivan.
he's officially quitting from everything temporarily. maybe.
and he just wants to say, i really just wanna be your friend.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:46 PM

i dun expect anything else much already.
i just wanna be your good friend, to talk and hang out, study with.
But, you're avoiding. and it's saddening.

i'm now like a total stranger.
DUN CALL ME. :(

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 9:09 PM

i thought i m over with it.
But somehow, it just happens that my acting skills and pretence just got better.
good night.

life's meaningless.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:08 PM

hahaha.
though memories may come back sometime,
it's always nice, and sweet. :)

no longer as sad as before :) haha. maybe perhaps being friends ain't that bad at all :)
you're my gd friend always.
take care. haha.

and i m really over it. hehe. though it somehow did affect my studies abit, but i grew up. and become the new me. haha.

sometimes, i think there's this little devil in me. which makes me think of all the bad stuff. But well. haha. i'll hire one more angel to kill you. =p

and i swam again today. swimming is like my new hobby lah. i m going to swim frequently!

anyway. my daily schedule for now as follows:
(after school lah)

Monday: swim 2 hrs. mug 5 hrs.
Tuesday: swim 2 hrs. mug 5 hrs.
Wednesday: run 4km. mug 4 hrs.
Thursday: Rest. mug 6 hrs.
Friday: swim. mug 4 hrs.
Saturday: rest/gym. mug 8 hrs.
Sunday: rest/gym. mug 8 hrs.

i hope you'll still gym with me. my friend. haha.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 8:05 PM

当你下定决心离开我
有没有想到我的感受
但算了因为我不难过

when you're gone.
everything that i do, reminds me of you.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:03 PM

This is so true. but yet, an irony.
it's only initial.

Initially, the Pisces native may seem very adaptable, casual and totally at ease in complying with every wish of the Taurus partner. This is likely the attitude that will hook Taurus and bring the pair together in the beginning. However, the Taurus native is in for a rude awakening when he or she discovers that Pisces wants one thing one minute and something completely different the next. While the Taurus partner will try to suggest approaching a given problem in a practical manner, Pisces will express some outlandish method...which often works out better than the suggestion of Taurus and better than even the Taurus partner would have believed possible. Native of Taurus like to have the people they know look up to them, but Pisces embraces no such ideas.

In short, those governed by Pisces are indifferent to anyone's opinion, other than their own...still, there will be occasions when the Taurus individual will find that Pisces is actually dependent on him or her. It is inherent in the Pisces character to stick his or her head in the sand when problems arise, refusing to discuss them sensibly and hoping they will simply go away...which they rarely do. When there are too many problems for Pisces to countenance, then the infamous trait for heading to the nearest bar and pleasant companions in order to drown his or her sorrows will undoubtedly materialize. This unfortunate tendency is more common among the males than the females, but is a result of the Pisces tendency to be torn in two directions at the same time. Basically, the Pisces native does not find it easy to make decisions. In order to achieve longevity in this union, the Taurus partner must accept these shortcomings.

On a more positive note, the psychic ability of the Pisces partner will enable him or her to keep on top of the feelings of Taurus and thus, will act and react with Taurus to ensure happiness. In a romantically physical sense, the Pisces individual will be very sensitive to all the nuances of the desires associated with Taurus and will try very hard to keep the Taurus partner happy. However, if any failure on the part of Pisces to do this brings about the criticism of Taurus, then Pisces will soon be looking for a new mate. This could be a good working match, provided the Taurus native is not looking for...or expecting...a partner who possesses a great deal of strength.
In general, this is a rather happy union. Being two positions apart in the Zodiac Wheel, these Signs have karmic ties and a deep-rooted empathy for one another. Although Pisces is idealistic, dreamy and impressionistic while Taurus is more down-to-earth and practical, this pair are both nurturers who prize harmony and stability in a relationship. Here, each has much to offer the other. Taurus is capable of providing the grounded approach that the Pisces partner needs in order to put all of his or her dreams into action. In return, Pisces can offer the kindness, gentleness and sweet sympathy that Taurus so loves in a mate. There will be times when the Taurus native cannot understand the seemingly simplistic view of life taken by the Pisces partner...but truth be told, Pisces is not really so simple at all. Pisces is truly deep.

Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus and Pisces by the planet Neptune...and to a limited degree, Jupiter. When Venus...symbolic of love...meets Neptune...symbolic of illusions...there is a magnificent spiritual connection. Both Venus and Neptune vibrate with feminine energy and together, represent an idealistic relationship that has been described as divine. The influence of Jupiter...symbolic of philosophy, expansion and excesses...adds a masculine energy to the combination. A match between these two Signs can produce the type of union that both individuals dream of, but the foundation for this kind of heady and dreamy connection can be just that...dreams, illusions and fantasy. Taurus is governed by the element of Earth while Pisces is governed by the element of Water. In general, these two elements are quite compatible since both Earth and Water are tangible, physical entities. Thus, Taurus can help Pisces to stablilize the inherent sensitivity while Pisces can bring a touch of magic to the practical approach of Taurus. However, care needs to be taken to ensure against too much of a good thing...after all, an over abundance of Water can turn Earth into mud.

In short, Taurus could tire of Pisces' emotional instability and in turn, Pisces may feel that Taurus is insensitive to his or her needs. Fortunately, it is often easy for this pair to find a way to overcome their differences. Taurus is Fixed in quality and Pisces is mutable. Where Taurus is steady, stubborn, practical and focused, Pisces adores the sensation of mobility...the feeling of being able to move from one thought to the next according to fancy. Thus, the Taurus rigidity can hamper the flexibility of Pisces and it will be necessary for Taurus to learn how to let Pisces flow if this union is to achieve longevity. In return, Pisces will be very supportive and exceedingly loving. Pisces can show Taurus that mutability is sometimes better than a fixed determination to do thing one way...and one way only. Here, the different emotional natures of the Taurus/Pisces combination tend to complement and harmonize with each other very well. The overall empathy and commitment of this pair is valued greatly by both individuals, resulting in a relationship where the ties will usually be strong.

In essence, this combination is a very good one. The sentimental Pisces partner will find much comfort in the sympathetic nature of the Taurus individual...and the romantic, imaginative, imprerssionable and flexible Pisces native is exactly what Taurus is seeking in a mate. This couple will share their appreciation for beauty, art, sensuality and many of the other fine things life has to offer. Still, each partner here will need to keep a careful watch on his or her emotions in order for this union to work.

i still believe in horoscopes.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 6:10 PM

i must be a little crazy today. haha. i swam 20 laps, and ran. wow. i never did that in my entire life. :)
But somehow, swimming helps me to de stress. and forget, and keep fit. so i guess, haha. i shall swim everyday. :) and i m feeling much better already. i can feel it. haha. :)
but. that doesn't mean emo posts will stop. cause, haha. i love emo posts. haha.
but anyway, i went for my NS check up. Pes A. :) din know i m so healthy eh. haha

anyway. the emo post.:

haiz. this song.

我已经
已经把我伤口化作玫瑰
我的泪水已经变成雨水早已轮回
我已经已经把对白留成了永远
忘了天色究竟是黑是灰

分手伤了谁
谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓
让你再回味
字不醉人人自醉
因为回忆总是美

我已经
已把绝情变成了恭维
因为不配你就忽然自卑说声失陪
我已经已经把沉默变成了忏悔
无路可退只能无言以对
分手伤了谁
谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗已无所谓
让你在回味
字不醉人人自醉
因为回忆总是美
分手伤了谁
谁把他变美
我的眼泪写成了诗
一首无所谓
让你再回味字不醉人人自醉
你的品味总是美

i still remember that night, u played the erhu.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 5:30 PM

now that i m almost over it. haha

time to share a little pointers with people trying to console heartbroken people :)
i've been in the being consoled, consoling someone, and a on looker before. so, i know. i think.

Dun call him not to cry. Just let him cry his hearts out. If he dun cry, then, that's weird.
Dun believe what he says, when he says he's alright, he's really not alright.
Dun be so happy in front of him or mention how good your boyfriend or girlfriend is, he'll be jealous. and worse.
Dun compare him with your other relationships. Every relationship is unique.
Dun blame the person that broke his heart, in front of him.
Dun say how he deserves it and that he really deserves it.
Dun cry with him..
Dun leave him alone. He's always lonely after breaking up.
Dun mention anything about that past relationship with him, unless he mentions it. or ask him to delete the pictures or anything.
Dun go around and tell the whole world, he's out of love!

haha. basically, these pointers. hmm.

thank god, most of my friends are not like this. But even if they are, i know they do care and yea. love them. =)

i'm strong, if i think i am.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:47 PM

they say:

if you love someone, let him be happy.

i did.

But that someone, dun love me. i m not happy.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 9:46 PM

maybe it's like this when you think too much, or are too depressed.

you dun eat. even if you do, you puke it all out after that.
you can't sleep.
you imagine things. u hear people laughing at you. you think people are laughing at you from afar.
you dun trust anyone.

well. this mental torture sucks.

anyway, here's another one. in between history and Econs lesson:

again, only i will know the melody. :)

It's not that i want to think of you
Just that i wake up in the morning
To find myself still in that beautiful dream

I told you I'd really forget
But truth's it's hard to accept
Hours and minutes spent
Waiting for you to comeback

Still living in the past
I can’t simply let it pass
Dream of nightmare
No longer do I care

I’ve made up my mind
To get over that and do my best to forget
Though tears may be there, I maybe scared
I dun think you will give me strength (you once did)
Coz I know, you wun be there

I told you I'd really forget
But truth's it's hard to accept
Hours and minutes spent
Waiting for you to comeback

Still living in the past
I can’t simply let it pass
Dream of nightmare
No longer do I care

I’ve made up my mind
To get over that and do my best to forget
Though tears may be there, I maybe scared
I dun think you will give me strength (you once did)
Coz I know, you wun be there

I hope you’ll be kind
And not come back into the life that you used to like
Though I cry all night, I maybe sad
I dun think you will ever come back (you never did)
Coz I know you wun be there

Anymore, you wun be there. Anytime, I think of you no more.
Anywhere, I see you face there. Anyway, I do not care.

You wun be there. You wun come back. You wun be there. For me. Anymore.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 5:47 PM

new direction in life.

after a levels, i've got NS
then i will go to Germany. and study. study what, only i know.
then i 'll come back.
and work my guts out.
earn enough money, give to my mother.
and die.

=) my happy ending.
when you're gone.

miracles do occur. don't they?

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:25 AM

i'm still waiting for the message that reads:

I'm sorry, I love you. still.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:11 AM

i've already hid all those things in the box, full of memories.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 10:06 AM

I just want to

It’s just so hard to forget
The days I spent with you
The nights I thought of you
Every minute I am thinking of you

Memories just flow back
As I name everything after you
Even the day when you packed my room
But they’re things that I can’t undo

But what can I do?
There’s nothing better than seeing you

I just want to return to you
And hold you tight by my side
I just want to sing you that song
That you once said was nice
I just want to be with you
No matter what our status is
I just want to, and I just want to
Say I love you

It’s just so hard to forget
The days I spent with you
The nights I thought of you
Every minute I am thinking of you

Memories just flow back
As I name everything after you
Even the day when you packed my room
But they’re things that I can’t undo

But what can I do
Every dream’s all about you

I just want to say it to you
And cry my heart out for you
I just want to hear those words again
That you once said will be forever
I just want to lie to you
No matter how hard I’ll be fine
I just want to, and I just want to
Say I need you

Everything I say
Everything you do
It’s playing in my mind
Everyday I think of you
Every night I dream of you
I just want to
Let you know,
I really love you

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 9:52 AM

to love is to risk not being loved in return

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 6:30 PM

do you really dun miss me anymore?

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 5:08 PM

i didn't know i will be that sad.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 4:12 PM

i really miss 15-6-07.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 3:48 PM

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside'
Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once againI'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 3:28 PM

can you scold me when i eat too much again?
can you scold me for not studying hard again?
can you please, care for me again?
it's hard, you know, to live alone...

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 3:27 PM

又站在你家的门口
我们重复沉默
这样子单方面的守候
还能多久
终于你开口向我诉说她有多温柔
虽然你还握着我的手
但我已不在你心中
我真的懂
你不是喜新厌旧
是我没有
陪在你身边
当你寂寞时候
别再看着我
说着你爱过
别太伤痛
我不难过
这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流
我也不懂
就让我走
让我开始享受自由
回忆很多
你的影子也会充满我生活
我并不懦弱
你比谁都懂
虽然寂寞
这会是我
最后的宽容
抱紧我
再抱紧我
这一份感动
请你让我留在胸口
别再说是你的错
爱到了尽头
是非对错
就让它随风
忘了所有
过得比你快活
不要再说
或许这是最好的结果
现在分手
总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手
离开你左右
我向前走
这会是我
真正的解脱

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 3:18 PM

"Fall To Pieces"
I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you
You're the only one,I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms

Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything
I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 2:54 PM

4 days- 5 pieces of biscuits, 1 sausage, 3 nuggets. and water.

i'm trying. =(

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 2:19 PM

my hand was pain.
now, my heart is worse.

i've escaped from death.
i want to be strong.
i thought i could. i m wrong.
i still want you. badly.

listening to sad break up songs.: somehow, they make you sadder.
But listening to the lyrics carefully, they make u think better, and heal your wounds.
as people suggest, time heals everything, but the worry is, will there be enough time??

anyway, i would like to thank the following people for being there and supporting me these few days. it's really tough, and i believe you guys helped me, a lot.

HongQi
Ivan - not me
Zhong Zhong
Kelvin
Shane
Zhong Ri
Dennis
Jialin
Daryl
Terence
you :( thank you for not lying.
and many others who showed care and concern. :)

so now, aeroplane no longer want the old big ugly van and flew away. perhaps, the van should just hide in the garage, and rot till death.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 2:02 PM

i miss you like crazy. haiz.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 2:00 PM

你说你要走
要你的自由
感觉已没有
留着做什么

我拼命补救
是我没有用
不能够挽留
缠着为什么

我以为我们的爱情会天长地久
我相信手牵手一定会走到最后
我怀疑你的心是跟着别人流走
我忘记当时你给我的无限温柔

想起那时候吃完面然后手拉手
回忆初见面时候感觉那么汹涌
记得那一天你紧紧握我的双手
告诉我坚持下去一定会有结果

可是是你欺骗了我
可是是你抛弃了我
可是是你忘了承诺
可是是你要我独自生活

不是你, 我也有错
没有给你要的感受
没有陪你每晚度过
没有察觉感情早已不妥

我不想要放手
再拉着也没用
想如果没有你
日子会怎么过

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 1:47 PM

Do you know?

And so that night I called you
You made up your mind
To let me cry all night

And the next day I met you
I thought I will be fine
Alright and will not cry

But it’s simply hard to forget.
There’s a hole in my heart
You told me you din want to tear it apart.

Do you know, you really broke my heart
Do you know, I’ve really did my part
Do you know, the pain that you gave, is so damn freakin hard

Do you know, that song still lingers in my mind
Do you know, I no longer live like what I did yesterday
Do you know, I really miss you so, I hope

It’s a dream, I believe
I force myself not to deceive anybody
But somehow it’s just me who doesn’t think

But too bad, that’s reality
You no longer have the same feelings
Pretence is hard that you decide to leave me

But I know you wouldn’t come back
You just want to be my friend
And want me to accept that fact

Do you know, I ‘m struggling with myself inside
Do you know, it’s all you and you in my eyes
Do you know, that life’s never good, without you by my side

Do you know, I’m crying all night
Do you know, I hope all that you said were all lies
Do you know, it’s you that once lit up my life, now it’s back to my original life

Why can’t you lie?
Why must you find, back the feelings?
Why can’t I cry?
Why must you leave me alone to die?
Why can’t you stay?
Why must you not let me try, once again?

Why can't you, why must you?
Do you know? Do you? I'm dying right inside!

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 1:02 PM

i miss those days.

we met and watch fantastic 4
i said silver surfer's hotter than you
we ate the wanton mee
you bringing me to see your 'parents'
taking the neoprints and me running away when the staff saw the pics
the first kiss
we went to 7-11 to buy drinks
the unwillingness to seperate at the club
the person tapping my shoulder, saying what a sweet couple we are
taking pics in the club
us jumping when we saw the cockroaches
walked around at vivocity looking at the dogs
sitting down at superdog and taking your pics while you are eating
snatching your iced tea away
sitting down at that quiet corner singing our favourite songs
holding your hand and embracing hug that night
dancing with you
queuing up with you and got the yellow lightstick
getting the cap together
sharing a ribena vodka
seeing your message first day in the morning
you singing that song for me
your erhu music
you coming over to my house to study
eat meepok together
writing your name on my notes
you saying i love you
the phone calls every night
studying at starbucks and waving to the guys staring at us
you helping me to compile the chinese notes
encouraging me to study hard
cooking for me at pepperlunch
you coming over to my room to clear my rubbish
calling me to buy the cream to heal my skin
you taking away food from your school for my dinner
having cheesecake together
sneaking into the arcade together
buying your mother's birthday present
waiting for the bus 59 together
you calling me not to eat fast food
you telling me to not think so much
you 'forcing' me to go for your torture in the gym
you and i walking around aimlessly
your good morning and good night messages daily
when i smile when i see that our horoscopes are compatible
you calling me ivan...

IT's terrible, and hard to forget. IT's not as easy as throwing something away.

I tried. it's of no use. I keep thinking of you.

The advertisments on the train. Pilot Jetpen. JetStar Asia.

the comprehension passage. Jet engine

the surroundings. i saw aeroplanes and paper aeroplanes.

the tv. i hear the song u sing to me everyday.

Don't you know, it's just so fast, sudden and hard to accept.

i've tried so hard so much, i tried to lose weight, i no longer go fast food restaurants, i go to the gym, i tried to be happier. BUT, you still will not return :(

i miss you so much.

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 12:20 PM

i guess, i dun really have to say how i feel. my ipod playlist. and the songs these few days explains it all...

我怀念的
我问为什么那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么
想问为什么我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受
我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口
谁记得谁忘了

想问为什么我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受
我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口

谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌美的烟火
最长的相拥
谁爱得太自由谁过头太远了谁要走我的心谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走谁忘了看着我谁让爱变沉重谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的

我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空最紧的右手最暖的胸口

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了
所以我没有哭没有说

你怎么舍得我难过

对你的思念是一天又一天

孤单的我还是没有改变

美丽的梦何时才能出现

亲爱的你好想再见你一面

秋天的风一阵阵的吹过

想起了去年的这个时候

你的心到底在想些什么

为什么留下这个结局让我承受

最爱你的人是我

你怎么舍得我难过

在我最需要你的时候

没有说一句话就走

最爱你的人是我

你怎么舍得我难过

对你付出了这么多你却没有感动过

Other songs...
i shall just post part of the lyrics...
too tiring to view all these.

安宁
夜的宁静是时候好好反省
我忽然非常想念你
你的背影让我失去了理性
你的放弃让我迷失了自己
你的离去就像刺青永远烙印在我的心是如此痛而如此的美丽

__________________________________________________________

旋涡
逆光

Behind these hazel eyes.

飘着
需要你
雨天
Since you been gone
眼泪成诗
我也很想他
Because of you
隐形人
开始懂了
同类
Never again
不是真的爱我
了解害怕任性坏天气
fall to pieces
我不难过

IVAN stepped on your garbage at 12:42 AM