You might think we haven't been doing much with Tyler's speech development lately, because I haven't mentioned anything on here. But after the
responses I got last time, I figured I better have everything straight before I make another blog post. I have spent hours researching everything and talking to specialists, and in the last two weeks Tyler has spent hours and hours being tested by two different groups to measure where he stands. For the last three months, Tyler has had 3 classes a week (each with a different purpose), along with a behavioral therapist and a speech therapist coming to the house once a month each. Let me talk about where things stand right now, and then I can address what we are going to do about it and why.
So far, we have been working with Kids on the Move, a local group that helps kids with any and all disabilities or delays, but only up until age 3. Once kids turn 3, they are turned over to the school district. Since his birthday is coming up, we went down and had him take all of their qualifying tests. We did the same thing when we started at KOTM, and the cut-off is the same for both groups- 7%. That would mean that only 7% of kids test at or below the level he is at, with 93% of kids testing higher. When we started in May, he tested at 5%. And last week, he ended up at 9%. That is wonderful improvement! Since he was tested against kids his age in each case, that means that he has been learning faster to catch up to them.
But-
It means he didn't qualify for the free district preschool. He qualified for their speech therapy, and that means he will have appointments with their speech therapist starting in January. The real bummer is that we can't re-test him for 6 months, and then even if he does qualify when we re-test in May, school will be out for the summer and he wouldn't start until next August. At first I was really upset about that, but the truth is that there are other preschools out there. They aren't free, but many people argue that you get what you pay for. And in a lot of ways, even if we weaseled him into this public school, he would be one of the top students (by the numbers). He would be in there with students who have down syndrome, severe autism, severe ADHD, you name it. Tyler is a big imitator, and so I would worry a bit about him being around kids that have more ticks and bad habits than he does. But if we find a good preschool, then he would be imitating the good habits of kids above him instead, and that might be a very good thing. The KOTM people I talked to all had the same reaction that I did, and in the same order- they were upset he didn't make it in, then they tried to figure out a way to get him in (I tried every shortcut I could think of), and then started to talk to me about the other options and finished with "you know, actually, I think that would be a better fit for him after all. Maybe it was actually a good thing he tested out of it."
Now, with the testing for diagnosing what is wrong, I have been doing a lot of homework there. With each possible name that specialists have mentioned, I have been researching things out quite a bit. And with each of them, there are three common threads that are influencing me here.
1. They are all not diagnosed until this age or later. That means not only am I NOT behind, but they are GLAD I haven't tried to do this before now because they would have missed certain cues that don't appear after x,y and z have developed and possibly given me the wrong label. In many ways, they want me to continue to wait for a few more things to develop before I take him in.
2. The reason they keep throwing out different ideas is that none of them perfectly fit Tyler. On each list, there are things that make me say "OH yeah, that is totally him," and things that make me say "What? He never does that". I have had specialists start to lead me one direction and then hear one detail and literally jerk their heads up in surprise. "Really? He can do that?" Yup. Which takes me off that list, in some cases.
3. For all the different ideas, and after talking to all the specialists, this one was a big key for me. There is NOTHING that they would have me do differently if he was labeled. Not at this stage, and not for a few years. Not for ANY of the different labels that almost fit Tyler. He needs speech therapy and behavioral therapy, and he has been getting both, and I will make sure he continues to get both even once he turns 3. The speech therapist looked me in the eye and said that she would not have changed a single thing she has done with Tyler even if she knew he was any of the labels we discussed.
So what am I going to do now? I am going to research preschools and find one that works on language development and all the other things that Tyler needs help with. If at any point I find a use for a label- a group I think he needs that he can't get into without the label, a treatment that would change - I will have that label stamped. But my husband and I both feel strongly about not stamping this label across his forehead, but something more like stamping it on a little piece of paper we slide to the people who need it. If he fit a label perfectly, I would probably feel differently about that. But when we are trying to cram a unique person into a list that doesn't quite describe him, I only see it as a tool to use to get what we need to get for him. For now, he can get everything he needs without it. So we are going to wait until that changes.
So while I know this goes against most of the comments I got from my family, that is the decision that we have prayed about for our family. And I really think it is the best way to go for us.