Everybody is getting riled up by the opposition. They talk about how the PAP has been ineffective, offering quick-fix solutions right before elections but not for the past five years, using GST but redistributing only less than half of the tax revenue to the poor, etc. They slam the PAP for doing all these things... and then? Offer some flimsy rhetoric about how they won't be the same because "we care for Singaporeans", "we will put your interests first", "we will grow your wages", bla bla bla. It seems many people are being enticed by this, swayed by this sudden outburst of care.

We have to listen to what they are actually saying. Where are the constructive ideas? Where are the practical paths of actions? You cannot be satisfied by mere rhetoric. You do not vote people into parliament to spew motivational speak but possess idle hands. It seems many people are getting into the hype of voting for opposition for the sake of voting for opposition, not something that has gone unmentioned by LKY himself. To put it bluntly, it is the trend now. Which is horrible. Politics should not have trends. Politics should be based on solid ideas and proposals, based on deliverance.

Consider this: a party that must resort to slamming the PAP for its inadequacies might only be doing so to look better in comparison. But remove anything said about the PAP (because it convinces you that whatever else they say will be better) and what do you have? Do you have legitimate policy proposals? Do you have convincing courses of actions to be taken? Good speaking does not equal capability.

Maybe Singapore should go to the dogs for awhile. I've told Gus this before, sometimes I feel the PAP does not have to impose such systemic impediments on the opposition. This GE, let's say the opposition wins a few GRCs, enough to overturn 2/3 majority votes in parliament. But I believe the PAP is capable, much more so than the opposition. For the next 5 years perhaps, Singapore will become lethargic and unproductive. Let people see what happens when they do vote without thinking. That will wake them up, make them see politics and elections are nothing to trifle with, things to toy around without serious consideration. You have to know what you want to be better for your life, you have to listen to who sounds like they will genuinely make an effort to give you that.

I am not saying people should therefore vote PAP without question. No. If you genuinely listen to the rally speeches, the things people say, and are convinced that they are the ones -- then go ahead. Vote for them. But if you haven't even listened to anything and you're spouting your loyalty and support for this and that party. I see people saying things like "Gonna vote for opposition :D", referring to them as a collective which is WRONG. You do not vote for all opposition, you vote for ONE party. You vote for WP. You vote for SPP. You vote for SDP. You do not vote for opposition, because being the opposition does not make you automatically competent. 


In my personal opinion, the PAP has some severe faults that can be pointed out -- inflation rates, wages, GST on essential goods, minister's salaries. But there are many things you can also say thank you for. They have delivered in many aspects. If you are intent on voting for the opposition, please take the time to listen carefully to what they are offering. Do not vote blindly because there is that "air of change". Do not think that "everyone is going to vote for PAP, so I'll just vote for the opposition" because when everybody thinks like that, nobody is going to like the end result.

If you must vote opposition, the best party to go for is undoubtedly the WP. They have good ideas put forth, they have some parliamentary experience and they are led by sincere and capable leaders. They came close to winning Aljunied the last GE, and I think they stand a very good chance this year. If there was any opposition I wanted to win, it would be the WP. I also think they are the most likely to effectively be incorporated and considered in parliament. They know how to work within the rules, move step-by-step. They are reasonable and I think the PAP will find them easiest to co-exist with, which is important as well.

Ugh, I dunno. Feeling very frustrated. I know nothing much will change -- "the PAP is the government." That will remain for at least the next ten years. But people must not take this lightly. This is their lives and their futures that they are toying around with. Don't be stupid, basically. Take time to listen. Think carefully. Do not think your vote doesn't matter, and I am going to say something extremely cliché but I say it now because it is important: your vote counts. Don't simply jump the bandwagon. Vote wisely.

--

Otherwise, on a brighter note, an appropriately timed joke:

Q: Who are the only three prime ministers Singapore has had?
A: The Father, the Son and the Holy Goh

BAHAHAHA I laughed so hard

also, this:



OOOOMMMMGGGGG I AM SO FCKING EXCITED SRSLY OMG. on the other hand i don't want to watch it at all, i don't want to believe this is the end, i don't want to :'( I WILL BE SO SAD UGH what a magical world WHY AM I A MUGGLE, WHY. WHY. WHY.

OMGGGGGG I'm at Sam's house now with Gus, and his two dark brown labradors are chilling around me while I do my work on the com! :') We used to come here a lot and play with them, then Sam left for Australia so I haven't seen them in three months!!! I miss them a lot. Their names are Coco and Buddy SUPER CUTE. I want to bring Meelo to come play with them. I want to cry already because Buddy is really old... 14 years. He walks slow and his eyes are a little cloudy. Sometimes he whimpers. He just put his head under a stool haha.

BUDDY! But he took his head out already

Gus just came over to play with Buddy with me. Buddy is so old he won't even walk around, he just lies down most of the time. I googled average lifespan of a labrador, and it said about 12 - 14 years. Which is how old Buddy is. So I cried because I looked at Buddy and I couldn't imagine him leaving. Gus says it might be any time, in his sleep or whatever. I don't want him to go... I googled average lifespan of a cocker spaniel and it said 9-15 years. Meelo is 7 years. I hope she lives forever

Gonna spend the rest of the time reading party manifestos. Or in PAP's case, watching a video powerpoint presentation. They've already got the edge with strains of Home playing in the background, emotional manipulation, etc. Can't wait for tomorrow so we can finally confirm all the candidates. Read that only Tanjong Pagar GRC & Ang Mo Kio GRC. One helmed by LKY the other by LHL. It's smart not to contest la... slowly right. Cannot be too ambitious.

Also found out George Yeo had a talk with Xiaxue! BAHAHAHA I want to see a clip of dat. And Chen Show Mao is bilingual as fck man jeez I'm impressed. He's seriously fluent and eloquent in both, normally this is quite difficult! You listen to even Lee Hsien Loong talk, his chinese isn't that good. He takes awhile. And I think the hype over Nicole Seah is a bit too much... I mean she's hardly proven her mettle, and she's only 24. I mean, no matter what, more experience is always better. In my honest opinion I think Marine Parade will go to PAP again, if only because GCT is heading it. But they won't win by a huge margin. It's interesting! Can't wait for the results...

studying with bert yesterday was fun. i downed a whole cup of kopi-c and until now i still don't know if it helped me. i quite like it though, but i don't dare to drink too much.

kopi-c 70c vs java chip $5.50
should've started drinking kopi much earlier

we have established a nice corner to study, on the fifth level in the reference section. we sit in a triangle. once in awhile i will notice movement to my right and in my peripheral i can see bert playing fruit ninja. around 12pm or so we will go eat lunch at the deck. i love breaks

today i cannot go to school due to some logistical problems but gus is picking me up soon and we are going to eat lunch at airport. i love the airport! we are going to eat sausage prata. i think i am very late but basically it is an awesome invention. sausage and lettuce, with mayo generously spread on top, wrapped in a prata. WHAT.

last night gus skyped with abel for awhile and my sister was in the room. she doesn't understand their mindgames so she asked "why does he say everything in reverse" and i laughed because only gus and his friends talk like that, it's unique to them and it's hilarious. sometimes i really feel amazed at the genius of it. it's genius because somehow everything about it can crack you up, even the littlest things that people say in sincerity becomes funny. IT'S FUNNY

time to hit the books before gus picks me up. exams in two days, i hate university. moving house this sunday, yay! hope all the construction work is done by then. i am ready to change and get out of this unfriendly neighbourhood. to be fair the other one does not look any more inviting, but the neighbours have two lovely dogs!!! a golden retriever and a black lab. although, again, to be fair, my neighbours now have the exact same dogs. but they are not friendly to meelo. so i hope our neighbours dogs are friendly because that means i can play with them too. they will be so big compared to meelo though. MAYBE THEY WILL ADOPT HER awwwwwwwwww dat wuld b kewt

yesterday was my brother's 21st birthday. happy birthday jun! i like that i call him by a name that only my family calls him by. it is like a secret code. except now that i've blogged it everybody knows so it is not secret anymore.

i am so excited for tomorrow, bert and i are going to study in school early in the morning at 8ish, but first at 8.15, we are going to sit at the deck and drink coffee like ah peks. basically it is my virgin experience drinking coffee that is not starbucks or some kind of cappuccino/espresso/latte/etc. just hardcore, plain coffee. she asked her dad what is the most hardcore coffee and he said, "kopi gao kosong" which is coffee with more powder and no sugar/milk. that sounds damn gross so now she is asking what is a nicer one but still has kick TEEHEE

11.34pm. going to read deathly hallows (again) until 12mn and then sleep. the next three days are going to be miserable...

really great article in Yale Daily News. and i'm a little late on good friday, but i think Jesus always appreciates us saying thank you and appreciating what he did on the cross. anyway, i think this article captures what we should be feeling on good friday quite nicely.

background: some pranksters affixed a cross with a "ROFL" sign on top of it in the Yale campus. this is a response.

Two days ago, a cross with the mocking sign “ROFL” affixed was placed on Cross Campus. Yesterday, Jordon Walker ’13 published a much-commented-on article condemning the insulting prank and the lack of response (“An insulting prank and hypocritical response,” April 20). Today is Good Friday. 

I agree that the prank was insulting and hurtful. I agree that the lack of response reveals a double standard between how we treat Christianity and how we treat other religions and viewpoints on campus. And I am not sure whether this double standard is justified by Christianity’s unique standing in our society.
But today is Good Friday. 

How should we react to this insulting symbol during Holy Week? How should we understand the ROFL cross? Consider first what ROFL is replacing. According to the Christian tradition, when Pontius Pilate had Jesus crucified, he placed a sign above his head that sarcastically hailed him “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews.” Pilate had a vicious wit. Christians assimilated the Latin acronym of this sign — INRI — into their tradition, and have kept it on the top of crosses ever since. But it was always a mockery. 

Does ROFL belong on a Christian cross? Perhaps we should ask instead: Does the Christian cross belong on a Christian? Christians have worn the symbol on their chests and emblazoned it on their banners for two millennia. But the cross is nothing more than an instrument of torture used to kill criminals, traitors and a Jew named Jesus. Why would a Christian display a cross with pride? The cross is an insult. The cross is the thing that humiliated and killed God. 

Really, the cross does not belong on the Christian; the Christian belongs on the cross. For the Christian believes that, but for the grace of God and the sacrifice of Christ, he or she would bear the penalty that Christ bore instead. The suffering and death belonged by right to the Christian, not to Christ — and yet, the Christian believes, Christ took them upon himself. This is why the Christian holds up the cross; and the cross is meaningless if it is no longer a reminder of this painful, mocking fact. This is why the Christian remembers Christ’s suffering and death and calls it Good Friday.
And today is Good Friday. 

And really, it is when Christianity has forgotten this fact that the faith has been at its worst. It is because Christians forgot what the cross meant that they were able to paint it on their shields and march to the crusades. That they were able to paint it on their seals and hold empires, that they were able to paint it on their robes and hold an Inquisition. Who could torture heretics while remembering that the cross they wear is the cross upon which their beloved God was tortured? Who could kill and conquer under the cross if they understood that it was a symbol of their Lord’s mockery and death? Who could march to the crusades with ROFL painted on their shields? 

Christianity is a strange and paradoxical creed, and the cross is at the center of it. Its glory is precisely in its King’s shame and defeat; it honors its humiliation, lives by its death, loves its enemies. It is nonsensical and beautiful. If Christianity forgets this, it forgets itself.
Today is Good Friday. Good. For those among us who are Christian, it is good to remember Jesus’ suffering and death today. Good to remember him being beaten and mocked and killed. Good to remember that he was beaten and mocked and killed so that you didn’t have to be — because you deserved it, because that was your punishment that he bore. 

So if you are hurt by the ROFL cross, if you are mocked by it, then you should be glad. It means you understand Good Friday. Take up the ROFL cross, because it is the cross of Christ; carry it with pride and humiliation, as you have carried the INRI cross, because on it, your King was mocked, killed and victorious. 

And on Easter Sunday, roll on the floor laughing. Because people then, as now, went to such lengths to humiliate Jesus, to mock Jesus, and ultimately to kill Jesus 

And it didn’t work. ROFL.

-- Garrett Fiddler, Yale Daily News

a difficult decision

lately i have been struggling very much with something that i am ashamed to come out with. mainly because i had a certain mindset a few months ago, and now my mindset is not quite the same anymore, and i feel like a hypocrite. funny, how things changed. before i was so determined, so certain about what i believed was the right thing to do. and now i see so many loopholes, so many traps in the plan. it is exactly what i studied today, heuristic processing and poor estimation -- sometimes when we are determined in our beliefs we neglect very important, consequentially changing information.

today i decide to just come right out with it, maybe because i have taken a couple of big swigs from a bottle of Moet an hour ago, but mostly because i keep this blog for myself more than for anyone else who reads it. i used to always care what people thought if they ever read my blog but i realised recently that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. i'll say it right now to anybody who is reading, but i say it mostly as a reminder to myself not to make snap judgements and decisions on things like these, not to base it on an ideal or image, but to be logical, reasoned and mature in my thinking.

basically i've been deciding whether or not to really go to bristol. prior to this i've always championed going overseas, saying it's a good experience, saying there'll never be another time like it, bla bla bla. and i think i did believe it at the time. i'd always argue with gus for such a long time about staying vs going. but now i see where he was coming from. it was a culmination of events really, different things different people said, other major things that happened in my life. and suddenly i didn't like the idea of leaving that much. i realized i kept defending reasons to stay in singapore versus leaving for the uk. things that i had totally shot down before suddenly weren't so ridiculous. so over the past few weeks i've been pondering and speaking to several different people, including friends who are in the uk, gus, my parents, etc. i still haven't decided, but i'm on my way, although to be honest something my dad said hit home for me. i always trust my dad because he is very wise (do not argue with me) and he only wants the best for me. but he said, the fact that i'm not completely sure, that i'm half-hearted, probably means i'm not ready. he said if people leave with half-hearted intentions they normally end up having a horrible time, but if you go with a goal and with the knowledge that you want this, then it will be a blast.

i imagine myself in bristol, 3 months and dying to come home. it is unknown if i will have friends or not... if i managed to shrink my social circle this much in singapore, it probably will not magically expand there. i imagine i will miss my family very much. that i may not be with gus anymore due to the pressure. that the gloomy weather will do nothing to make me feel happier. that people will be so racist i might snap. but then i think about how i can visit paris, rome, vienna, berlin! i think about how it must feel to have a dorm room and people walking in and out freely. i think about how it's an opportunity to make new friends and meet new people. i'm very torn and it is eating me alive. i really can't decide, but i must decide at least by june.

i think this is borne out of the fact that i've always imagined going overseas as an ideal. something that would make me special or unique, different from everybody else. i thought it would set me apart, basically. i've always seen it as an image but never comprehended it as a reality. i never used to think about the downsides of going overseas. worse still, i never actually thought about if i was ready for it. it sounds stupid, i sound childish and immature. tonnes of people go overseas at my age, even younger. but i guess i'm just not. i'm not prepared to just drop everything here and leave. i've come to accept that and i don't think i should be coerced into thinking so by society, that i need to get out of here to learn to be independent or be special. i'm not sure when i learnt this. maybe in school, probably, when i see people my age who are, in all honesty, completely brilliant. and they are just like me. average singaporeans who have come out of your average singaporean education system. and i have no doubt in my mind they will go on to be very successful. so sure, i have some grudges with NUS as a school. there are a few things i cannot stand. but overall it is not that bad a place for education. it's funny, i always tell my friend who has problems in the UK, i said, 'things will be better as long as you want them to be. you can't be so negative and cynical all the time.' yet that's exactly the way i am with NUS. so yes i am a hypocrite sometimes.

all this being said, i still haven't decided. but i just wanted to let it out, come out with it that i was wrong to say those things without thinking through it as thoroughly as i should have. i know it is a great opportunity to get to study overseas and many people don't get this chance. but i don't think that is a valid enough reason for me to justify going. there really has to be a desire and a passion to go. i think maybe once, it was there, but not anymore. or if it is, it has faded considerably. and that is reason enough to consider. if you don't leave with proper intention and with your heart and head in the right place, you are just wasting your parents' money. so.

that is all.

in the morning my mother fetched me to j8 where i had breakfast with gus at yakun. we put too much black sauce with our eggs, dipped our toast into it and enjoyed. i like to spread the square of butter over the surface of the entire toast... if not it seems unfair. i also don't like to bite into such a concentrated chunk of butter. it feels unhealthier.

then i drove to school and studied with bert. demoralized, is all i can say. the feeling you get when you read, and read, and read and can only think, 'what is the point?' meaning, i do not understand a fuck. furthermore i looked at my lecture notes and i cannot find the reading on the main points of the lecture. so overall a very befuddling day. the library gets crowded around 930am with everybody trying to cram in the hours. around 2pm people look so drained and tired, it's a very sad scene

i left at 4pm to pick up my sister from school because my mother was sick, so i wanted to do her a favour. in the morning she coughed a lot while driving. i came home and lolled around in bed. i entertained the thought of studying more. i entertained it until suddenly it was 745pm and time for dinner.

there is this girl who is a friend... not exactly. we don't hang out, we are not close or anything but we know each other. and basically she is "amazing." i understand she is extremely smart, super hardworking, fairly well off, "hot" by society's perceptions, has a fun social life, etc. she is one year older than i am. when i see her updates on facebook i always think. well why can't i be like her. but then today i caught myself doing that and reminded myself that, i can't be like her because i am not her and there is no point in this vicious trap of coveting, except to make me feel shitty about myself. and why do i have to do that? the only legit reasons humans have to feel shitty about themselves is if they are genuinely horrible people (e.g. dictators, extreme racists, serial killers, over-self-absorbed beings, etc) which i'm inclined to believe that i am... not. so i don't need a reason to feel that i am a piece of shit. i will save that for when i really am a piece of shit i.e. unemployed thirty-year-old woman weighing 90kg in obvious mid-life crisis

my meelo

also it's funny, in the morning i told my mum that my dog, meelo (she's a cocker spaniel), her hind legs looked kinda funny when she walked. she's kinda dragging them more than she is actively using them and so i was a bit worried. but in the end she wasn't in pain or anything, so i put it down to the fact that she's getting a bit old (seven human years now). but it worried me a bit. and just a few hours ago i found out a good friend's dog just passed away from a heart attack, but her dog is really old, older than mine. i feel very sad because i've played with her dog before. he's a very playful maltese, can be fierce at times but still a great dog. i cannot imagine her pain but i started to think that if meelo ever left i would be so depressed. yesterday i walked her and she would pull me in all directions to smell all kinds of things. she is still active now but i really dread the day she can barely move. sometimes i don't show it but i love my meelo a lot.

tonight i am stumbling all over my words.

1.13am and there is a deadly silence in the room. i can only hear the ticking clock which is awful. it reminds me of how time is passing and how little i am doing. last sunday pastor talked about wealth, and solomon's experiments with wealth in searching for meaning in life. and as with everything, wealth is meaningless. it is difficult to come to terms with this, because that's just how materialistic our society is. i would be happier with this piece of clothing, i would be happier in this kind of house. all i know is, i am happy with the ones i love. if a 10m tsunami was approaching i would cling onto these people with all my life

what else? i met up with friends for dinner. and they have been my good friends for over at least seven years now. but circumstances keep us apart a lot. school, work, etc. when we come together there is a familiarity the has grown out of closeness years ago, but i cannot deny that every subsequent time there is a tiny rip and so it accumulates. i do not care what people think of this, i don't have many friends. at first i looked at this fact and thought, dear god i must be disgusting to other people. but slowly i adjusted and now i don't really care. i don't crave to find more friends, i don't seek company. i am alone but i am not lonely. sometimes i think about having a group of people to have prata with at 12am, or to have fun nights out with often, but i have adapted because it was necessary. to put on a strong face and eat alone in a crowded canteen. to not have someone to message/talk to when i am fighting with Gus. everybody tells me, you need friends. friends are good. but i am okay without friends... sometimes it is lonely but mostly i am okay. to be very honest sometimes the only thing i worry about out of this is the fact that i will not have networks/contacts for the future. i think people might think i am a loser but i am past the point of caring...

somedays i think all i need is my dog, a cup of milo, iPod and a book/movie. i think you can find friends in these things. probably can find better friends in these things than if you go out purposely looking for them. there are some people that are destined to be in your life. i think you just go about your own thing and one day they will find you. it will be natural and effortless. everything will seamlessly come together and then i will stop having thoughts like these

Gus and I spent last night at Grapevine, along upper serangoon road. It was Ben's birthday, so he had a dinner thing for all his friends. It was really fun! They're really funny people... I like to hang out with Gus's friends because they're really entertaining. And it's nice to see Gus being all smiley with his friends.

Anyway, they served us these really cute mini-cans of Asahi beer. I drank like 1.5 cans which is barely the amount in a normal can. But omg I knew I started to feel sleepy awhile after, but last night I slept so good I can't even describe. I woke up feeling fresh and light, if you can imagine what that feels like. I mean, none of that sleepiness and grouchiness weighing you down. I forgot all about the beer until Gus told me today that the good sleep was probably because of it. I've never had a night where I've only taken beer. Normally there'll be something else too which I suppose kind of screws up the effects. And in any case I don't really like beer. But seeing the amazing effects of beer on my sleep I really want some now! Or some wine. Omg I love a good sleep.

Otherwise, we came home from dinner with my parents and watched The Banquet by Feng Xiaogang. Don't watch it... god. I mean there's very good cinematography and the usual things I suppose you would expect from a chinese period film, but it was, on so many levels, frustrating and draggy and purposeless. The only thing it managed to achieve was cement my dislike for Zhang Ziyi even more. Also, if you're like me, generally unable to tolerate watching extreme violence for a long time, then don't watch it. It was a lot more gory than the other films I've been watching so that was quite a put-off for me. In Gus's words, for chinese period films, don't trust anything not Zhang Yimou

I think everybody must come to define beauty for themselves. The longer you rely on society's perceptions of beauty, the harder it will be to find true beauty for yourself. You can fool yourself that you think -this thing- is beautiful (because society says so) for only so long -- one day you will discover that nothing you thought was beautiful, is beautiful. And you will lose whatever grip on true beauty you ever had.

The other day when I was at Spize eating, an old man selling tissue paper (3 packets for $1) approached us. I fished for a dollar in my wallet, coming up with a 50c-20c-20c-10c combination. I wanted to give him an extra $2 so he held his hand out to take the money. And this man had no fingers. His palm extended to five tiny nubs that could barely all touch at one point. My first thought was, "how the hell is he going to hold my coins?" I hesitated because I did not know what to do, if I was supposed to help store the coins in his pouch for him or anything like that. But he kindly smiled and said, "xie xie, xie xie" holding his deformed hand open. I placed the coins carefully on his palm and the five nubs closed tightly around them, around one dollar. He pocketed it and I gave him $2 more.

I thought to myself, that is beautiful. This man was not demanding, he approached gently, kindly. He smiled. A lot. Everything of his personality extended to his hands, the ones that lug around a heavy bag of tissue paper, the ones that collect a meager $1. And so his hands were beautiful.

This morning was the last time I will ever see my French lecturer, unless one day I bump into him in France. I don't even know where he will return to. Lyon, Champagne, Nancy... who knows. But he has changed my life in a minute way, but I feel it. He is infectious with his love for the simple things. He described the house he was going to return to in France: a huge backyard, horses, planting his own food and fruits, solar panels. Somebody said, "you are very self-sufficient" and he replied, "I am afraid of the next ten years." I thought, I am scared too. But he exhibits someone with a very balanced life, aware of what he wants despite being almost 50. He has been here 20 years, and I'm afraid he is more of a Singaporean than I am. It makes me sad to think that. Granted, I am not the biggest fan of this country but it is still my home. I asked him, "Why do you want to go back to France?" His reply is something I think everybody must think about, especially those who intend to leave forever. He said, "One day your country will call you home."

I think no matter how badly we can criticize our country, no matter how much crap and bullshit the government can come up with, no matter how ashamed you can be, one day everybody realizes, at some point in their lives, that they love the little things that make this place home. I've never thought about how heritage, how a person's roots and race can shape him/her. I suppose it's because I've always been disjointed from that (westernization and all that), from being born in Singapore, from being a Chinese. But I'm learning that it's otherwise, that if you don't feel connected to your land you are a nomad. And that means that you will never find another place that might give you the same comfort, try as you may.

so today Gus & I watched Hero (Ying Xiong). Bert told me they study this for literature, which I found odd, but after watching it I'm jealuzzz. So I've never really watched a movie that so beautifully and so captivatingly uses such colour, and so effectively takes advantage of landscape and natural surroundings. Just look at the pictures! And I assure you, the pictures pale in comparison to having a panoramic sweep of the scene. And I don't think I've ever seen such breathtaking landscapes of China used in a film before! One is at a lake in Hangzhou (watching the behind the scenes, they said that they had a window of opportunity, 2 hours everyday where the water in the lake is COMPLETELY still. a three, four minute scene filmed over 20 days), another is a barren desert in a Du Huang, a wind tunnel! The use of costumes, everything is so captivating. So, so nice to watch.

Best scenes (in terms of setting, colour, etc):

1. Zhang Ziyi & Maggie Cheung in the forest 

2. Tony Leung & Jet Li at the lake 

3. Maggie Cheung & Tony Leung in the desert 

I realize many Singaporeans in my generation might be averse to watching films like these (epic chinese war films). I was too, before. But I started and I really, really enjoy them. I think if a person just embarked on one film (HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS!!!) you'd realize that they are an entirely different dimension, different environment, different method of delivery than your typical Hollywood movies. They can be equally emotional, if not more sometimes! And they can be as brilliantly filmed as some of the best movies you know. Even if you're a more "ang moh pai" kinda person, there is really no harm in giving it a try. Everybody should be exposed to different kinds of films. 

I watched it since I completed my reading on path dependence theory & increasing returns. So now, I'm going to watch Departures by Yojiro Takita. It's highly recommended, won the academy award for best foreign film :) 

woke up wishing gus was already beside me. dread thinking about the fact that i have to wait several hours to meet because he has work, i have school. responsibilities are a pain... can't wait for days where we can wake up at any time we want, walk around a foreign land, not feeling guilty about work or school. just relaxing. have fancy dinners or have shitty take-out. either way is fine, i don't really care, i just can't wait for the holidays... stupid exams.

adding to my list of favourite composers: shigeru umebayashi


LISTEN TO IT. amazing stuff srsly. he also did the score for curse of the golden flower and hero. apparently the music for hero is really like EPIC but i haven't watched it yet! gonna watch soon.

so today what i watched was:

1. le fabuleux destin d'Amélie poulain
2. curse of the golden flower
3. les choristes

ALL WERE AWESOME. like my mind has been officially blown. and it was such a great mix of movies to watch as well. amélie was quirky and a little odd, but still charming and very French! the music at times was so simple, just a piano playing. but most of it, especially the very eccentric parts, you'll hear the distinctive sound of an accordion... i'm falling more in love with the sound of it. audrey tautou is a tour de force all on her own! she embodied who amélie was supposed to be so well. although to be honest, this was my least favourite out of all three. i think it's a little too quirky for me to appreciate on a greater scale.

curse of the golden flower was pretty good too! zhang yimou never really disappoints... so far, anyway. the score, as i mentioned, was by shigeru umebayashi and was pretty awesome too. chow yun fatt and gong li make quite a good pairing. i don't hesitate to say that jay chou was undoubtedly the worst actor in the film! but i really enjoyed the use of colour, especially the fight scene amidst the field of chrysanthemums, as well as the opposing armour of the emperor's army vs the rebels. i think gong li was easily the strongest performer. and of course as in all chinese films, there has to be that moment of overwhelming sadness... for COTGF i think it doesn't really hit you at once, but it really drags out over the whole film, culminating in the ending where ju hua tai is played. I LOVE THAT SONG. otherwise, there is an extremely chilling scene that i liked a lot, where once the rebels are beaten, thousands of servants pour in from every corner to remove bodies, wash the grounds (and the blood pouring down the street...) replace the chrysanthemums. i mean how much power the monarchy used to hold in ancient china is honestly horrifying. all the rituals, the millions of servants... and the costumes! omg i really loved the costumes. all the gold! it's very visually capturing, as expected of zhang yimou i think. either way, i enjoyed taking a break from zhang ziyi's face

last of all was les choristes! I ALMOST didn't rent this film, but i'm so glad i did. if there's any one thing that stands out from this film it's without a doubt the music. the best songs are pure acapella pieces featuring really young but talented voices! but it's also a touching story. god i don't know why french kids are so damn good at acting? honestly it's weird, but they really are very good! very natural. there is not much i can say about the plot. it will touch you in the way you expect it to (haha) but it will still be genuine and heartwarming. i felt it actually wasn't a lot about the power of music in whatever, but revolved more around the passion and commitment of the protagonist. but the music!!! UGH so beautiful. please listen,



seriously... my heart is aching with disbelief at how much it moves me. if that made any sense. anyway, definitely a good show to watch! plus i enjoy trying to pick up words and phrases that i can understand. i'm still too much of a noob to watch without subtitles, but i'm on the way! love french <3

AS YOU CAN SEE i feel overwhelmed by all the movies i've watched the past few days. i've watched a total of 7 movies in 2 weeks, all of which i still think about randomly from time to time. of these my favourites have been House of Flying Daggers and Les Choristes, definitely. feel like my sight and my hearing has been dominated by awesome stuff for so long, feel like i have to watch some really shitty crap to take a break, like jersey shore or something. i've felt a wide range of emotions the past few days, from sorrow, to anger, to happiness, to indifference, to almost-depression... how do i explain this? i have never really thought about the role of movies in my life. i'm not the biggest fan of visiting the cinema. i don't like when Gus suggests we watch a movie. but recently i've just completely opened up to film and it's been so wonderful! it's been wonderful to get away from American or British films for awhile, watch Chinese and French films. i'm always surprised with how much bang foreign films can bring to the table.

up next:

hero
chungking express
2046
le petit nicolas
departures
seven samurai

however, if i keep on these movie marathons i'm going to fail exams without question. so it must cease in the meantime. tomorrow i must study french for our quiz and oral on monday and tuesday! after which i have my last essay to submit for this term, and then exams. at least now i have new music to listen to :)

just finished simulation of six party talks in school. in library now doing my after action review. i don't even know what to think of the simulation, except that the overarching point is: it was useless. nothing from there is going to help me in my exam. it was three whole hours of pointless debate. it was unrealistic in almost every sense. plus some people... seriously... like where are your brains. and people got unnecessarily riled up, arguing like they were actually Kim Jong-il. ugh it was seriously such a waste of time... if i wanted to see how a proper foreign policy debate and talk was held, i would go join MUN or something. at least they do things according to proper guidelines, have proper resources. this was a shoddy attempt at "something different", but i think all it did is give people the false impression of how these things work. for example, when someone states his country's foreign policy, i'm sure another member will not snatch the mic and say mockingly, "... you sure?" and expect that to be some valid argument. even if we are not big politicians, we are still university students and i think we should maintain some sort of maturity with regards to that.

in light of that, i will end with this,

true terror is to wake up one morning and find that your high school class is running the country. 

 - kurt vonnegut

otherwise, i really want to read some books and watch some movies. so far, i've watched a bunch of chinese movies -- red cliff 1 & 2, house of flying daggers and crouching tiger hidden dragon. this morning i watched the trailer of le petit nicolas and i want to watch that, along with amélie. when i'm done with my review i'm going to try to find them. books, on the other hand, will have to take a backseat. i'm so behind in school readings i can't afford that indulgence at the moment. but i imagine when i go to sydney and brisbane, reading everyday, movies everyday. nobody to disturb me, no school to go to. cannot wait.

tomorrow is freakin' saturday and i have school from 10am-1pm. feel so depressed right now

today gus and i had a very nice, very thought provoking conversation in my car. udders had no seats, so i bought my hazelnut double scoop and we sat in the car talking. i told him i was entering a point in my life where i'm realizing a lot of the things about myself. things i maybe used to hate/dislike but am now realizing is how God made me, and so i should be happy with what i have. and we talked about that, about race and about being asian. we talked about how a lot of singaporeans are consumed by the idea of lack that asians have in comparison to caucasians. we talked about how this is all very superficial, that asians have a lot of things to be thankful for, and appreciative of. i trust his opinion on these things because he lived for 4, 5 years in the U.S. and so he knows from first-hand experience what it's like to be a minority, how different it is compared to here. i trust when he says there's nothing that we should feel inferior to the whites about.

we also talked about singapore politics, about the PAP, about lee hsien loong and his father. this was all triggered this morning when he told me to read the q&a lee hsien loong had at NUS recently, and i did. and i told gus later on when we met that i think lee hsien loong is the best PM out of the three. i said, lee kuan yew had all the brains but no compassion. he's a colder, more business-only. goh chok tong on the other hand, was a little softer, which was better, but he did not have that precision and focus that lky is famous for. but lee hsien loong is a nice balance of both. he is very clever, very precise and very insightful, but he is also an approachable man, has a friendly, kind face. smiles a lot more than his father. i think like lky he makes no apologies for the things he says, yet he's more tactful than lky in that he never puts himself in a position where he is pressured to apologize. i actually like him a lot. he might not be the determined, full-steam-ahead man his father was, but politics must change with the times.

when i talk with gus i feel like i can easily tell him what i think, articulate and find words to present my argument well, rebut with confidence. i can focus better in processing what his argument is, soak in his words and try to fit everything together. i can say what's on my mind coherently and generate higher level arguments. he said it's because i'm not afraid of him judging me, i'm not afraid to be corrected by him, to be wrong. because we're so close i don't care if he shoots down what i say, i don't care if he thinks it's dumb. but in school i am cautious about every word that leaves my mouth. i rarely speak up in class because i know people will judge me. how do i know? because i judge others who speak up, and the thoughts i sometimes have about some people, i know people might have the same thoughts about me. feel like this is an unhealthy way of being, low confidence in what i think and have to say, but that is just me. one day i hope i will not be like this anymore, that i can be as confident anywhere as i am with gus.

today Gus & I watched House of Flying Daggers. i can't even begin to explain how much i can't stand sad love stories. the ones with no happy endings. i think i am genetically engineered to be averse to this sort of thing, i honestly cannot watch without feeling like my heart is breaking as well.

*SPOILER*

i'll get to the ending:

NOBODY WINS. not andy lau. not zhang ziyi (she dies). not takeshi kaneshiro.
WHAT A FREAKIN' DEPRESSING SHOW SERIOUSLY. i feel 1) cheated and 2) heartbroken and 3) ashamed of my deficiency in chinese. lesson to be learnt: NEVER TAKE CLB. seriously guys master your chinese, it's important when you watch shows like these because they like to talk about the background of whatever by writing chinese words, right to left. so i was clueless, gus even more clueless :( but anyway, this was a simultaneous love story - one about forbidden love and one about unreciprocated love. both are depressing as fuck so prepare for that

ugh okay this show is a lot different from other wuxia shows in that there is a lot less focus on martial arts and more on the love story. but it's zhang yimou so it's still pretty good... if you're looking for a straight-up martial arts show i guess you should watch something else. if you're looking for a good war movie, also look for something else. red cliff is not bad! hua mulan is not bad but ugh, unnecessarily violent :( i hate super violent movies where ten million people die.

also i am confused. everything about takeshi kaneshiro's face should amount to a really ugly man but he is, for some reason, super hot??? i don't get it.

anyway guys don't be ashamed of your heritage okay. be proud to be asian and don't bow down to american imperialism! you are only reinforcing a vicious cycle of racism. seriously, guys, we shouldn't give a shit what whites think okay? ASIANS!!!!! after all there are so many of us who look the same we can mindfuck them easily. supremacy mindsets cannot exist when nobody bows down to another. we can still be densely connected and operating in harmonious bilateral and international relations without being subordinate to anyone else. that's the way it should be. EVERYBODY EQUAL. MARX IS RIGHT

my god i think i would feel so much less inferior in class if i just read my damn readings properly. i think i might be able to generate some contribution to the discussion. it's like two weeks till exams or something... completely screwed myself over. desperately doing some reading now in prep for tomorrow's tutorial. i like my tutor a lot, i want to show him that he must not forget me just because i have a chinese name and an ugly face

lying in bed in the dark. Gus is snoring beside me at the moment, and it's 12.36am. always have a problem when we get tired near night time and take naps because we end up waking up at like 5am and Gus has to rush home before my parents catch him. one time we woke up and it was 7am so we just went for breakfast hahaha. but basically he's not supposed to sleepover.

was struggling the whole day to complete my sg pols essay and i'm still not done. my main problem is that the PAP stands right in the middle of the spectrum, neither absolutely good or bad, so i can't take a side and be definite with it. it's difficult to reconcile its variety of actions to an explanation. thankfully for them i'm not a voter yet or i'd be so frustrated... i'm not even done because the fucking NTUC is throwing me off so much i gave up for today. tomorrow is a new day. but from what i've read, workers, you should demand much more because evidently there is not enough social responsibility being shouldered by them as they should

last french tutorial today :( i'm sad because i like my french tutor, he is going back to france in june forever. he says he's going to stay a la campagne and have horses and be independent on solar power. i feel like based on that he will die in his isolated country house and no one will find him. other than that, just like the last tutorial he spent like 15 minutes criticizing nuclear power and reiterating how Singapore would be gone if we had a nuclear disaster. which i agree but i think if we started to shift to solar power we would become the world's most reflective city, literally. or the world's ugliest

plans for Brisbane becoming more concrete. finalizing dates and ticket prices. I really hope it all works out because Gus is so excited. his eyes become all shiny and his smile brightens up when we talk about it. just now we skyped with Sam and Abel about details, and I can tell Gus misses his friends a lot. so for his sake alone, I really hope all turns out fine. also it's his first time to Australia, so I really want him to go! Australia is one of my favourite countries, even though they are probably getting more and more racist. I will probably be heading up to Sydney for two or three weeks before Brisbane, anybody gonna be there let me know!!! I will be all lonely and shit ~

otherwise, i am writing an essay on how state apparatus's only role in Singapore is to fully support and promote government policies. but i am saying that its success in the support and promotion of government policies is only made possible by the attitudes and mindsets, and therefore receptiveness, of the Singaporean people to the actions of state apparatus. i think saying it now it seems like an easy standpoint to write from, but while writing it i realize it is difficult to integrate state apparatus as a governmental tool, but retain that it is a distinct and separate entity. this is easiest to do for the mass media, but i am having trouble with the bureaucracy and trade unions. i will continue to try my best, i hope i am not impossibly off point. i don't think i am

now i am tired and feel like tumbling. tomorrow i will work on it again, hopefully i will have a stroke of inspiration and spill out some brilliance. sg pols professor likes to laud law students to the sky. it irritates me, not because i don't like law students, but because he should not say things like that to arts students. also i have met several law students who strike me as potentially awful lawyers

--

today in church pastor spoke on the book of ecclesiastes. and i think i like that book very much! it opened well... a good beginning always does no harm. it was written by Solomon, who was given an abundance of wisdom from God. and it begins like this,

"Meaningless, meaningless!" says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless!" 

- Ecclesiastes 1: 2

which quite accurately sums out how i feel about everything and anything nowadays. feel like life is not worth striving for because everything is to be lost, everything is going to waste away and die. we are going to die. the only certainty is death, pastor said. and with that, everything on earth, everything we toil for, everything we desire, everything we seek, everything we amass, everything we hoard, everything we store and everything we aspire for is meaningless.

of course this is a depressing realization. at the end of it Solomon comes to a conclusion, that since everything is meaningless, enjoy everything and do whatever you want. but bear in mind that God will eventually judge all your actions. at first glance i find this conclusion to be extremely superficial and general. truthfully i think it is a bad conclusion and is not something that i don't already know. but i guess there is a more profound truth to it that has not yet been revealed to me and i'm waiting to see what it is.

there are no more words.

sometimes people say watching American Idol is not for the intelligentsia. that it's part of all the American crap that comes out of their liberated media. but I think I still watch it because once in awhile you get to see really, really awesome performances by average people. sparks of talent that makes for great listening and great entertainment. this was one of those moments for me this past week. Haley Reinhart sang Bennie & The Jets by Elton John, and she was so so so good. I loved her performance so much. in fact I think the whole Elton John week was quite nice! I liked a lot of performances, but Haley was definitely the best.

another moment like that last season was Casey James, singing Jealous Guy by John Lennon. I loved that one too. and of course,


so epic. I really like this season! I think there's so much talent, everyone is so good.

TRAVEL BLOG

so I set up another blog to talk about my trips overseas, just because it seemed like it needed its own space. I'm starting with Burma, but maybe when I'm done with that I will recount some trips from last year or the year before. I think some people might find it boring, but I feel like I'm also doing it so I have concrete (kind of) memory of my thoughts on the trip, what I feel about it, before it starts to slip from me. So it's also for myself and... that's motivation & validation enough for me. I already put up one post on Burma, although it's incomplete. I'll move slowly but surely :)

Click HERE to read it.