下着雨
让尘气稀释回忆
我靠着你不出声音

看着你
看着斑驳的甜蜜
爱你困住你也困住我自己

我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口
隐隐作痛
你那戒也戒不掉的甜蜜借口
也让我精神腐朽

说你爱我
变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落
让满地鲜红
说你爱我
变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺

下着雨让尘气稀释回忆
我靠着你不出声音

看着你
看着斑驳的甜蜜
爱你困住你也困住我自己

我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口
隐隐作痛
你那戒也戒不掉的甜蜜借口
也让我精神腐朽

说你爱我变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落
让满地鲜红

说你爱我
变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺

说你爱我
变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落
让满地鲜红

说你爱我
变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺

说你爱我
变成一种问候
不如趁早放手
把爱坠落
让满地鲜红

说你爱我
变成一种折磨
不用陪我走到最后
我承担不起你的承诺

i miss my bedsheets

It's been seven days since I was allowed to leave camp. All because of a camera phone with certain photos in it.

Seven days of eating SFI, of facing the same walls, of facing the same people. Of course it's not the first time that I've been in a camp for seven days, but that doesn't mean I wish to repeat such a feat on a regular basis, if at all.

I miss my computer.
I miss my bedsheets.
I miss the feel of my home.
I miss my family.
I miss porn. I mean... DotA. LOL

won't you look at me just once?

You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything I wish I did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know I should tell you how I feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Everytime you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say:

I've got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh I got a crush on you


You know I'm the one that you can talk to
Sometimes you tell me things that I don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

Ooh I wish I could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to
Nobody knows
I've got a crush on you

sawadeekap fuckers!

I love Thailand
Cheaper clothes
Cheaper shades
Cheaper shoes
Cheaper bags
Cheaper BK
BK Pork Burger!!
A&W
Baiyoke Sky Hotel Chinese Buffet *orgasms*
Polite everyone
Cuties
Hotties *salivates*

I hate Thailand
Blank stares of incomprehension
Talking down
Dirty roads
Dirtier air
Deciding if the salesperson is female or not
Fish sauce
Tuktuks
Conversion of currency

There were unintended moments of hilarity. Here's an example:

Me: Hi

Security Guard (SG): Sawadeekap

Me: Do you know what time is the last BTS?

SG: ???

Me: Time. Last BTS. Train. Last one? *makes pathetic-looking gestures*

SG: Oh. *pauses to collect thoughts and translate them to english*

SG: You go straight and turn left. *smiles dazzlingly*

sexy never left

Maybe I should clear the air a little before more misunderstandings occur. I'm pretty sure this will be read eventually anyway.

You have every right to be disgusted. Disgusted with how wrong you are, I mean. The fat bastard is not what you believe him to be, as much as you hate to admit otherwise. He is nothing more than a friend, a brother, someone I choose to acquaint myself with.

Of course, in your own twisted way of thinking, I'm probably typing a whole load of bullshit that may not even appear as English.

It's up to you to decide or not whether you trust what I say. But I will maintain here that you are totally wrong and that I am telling the truth.

Besides, he's not the reason why I'm not talking anymore to you.

It's because I didn't want to waste anymore of my life than I already did.

fish out of water

This time last night I was seated at the mahjong table happily collecting my funds for survival. Make no mistake, I wasn't losing.

Everything seemed good. I wasn't perspiring, the air was cool, people were generally in good spirits.

Then I realised something wasn't going quite right. I was breathing as if I was running a marathon.

Speaking was impossible; I didn't have enough air to spare. Laughing or singing became a near fatal experience. I tried continuing with the game for the next half hour, only to realise that I was going to faint.

My antidote? Propranolol and Xanex. Somehow, a beta blocker and a tranquilizer worked to help me get enough oxygen in my blood again.

It wasn't a comfortable feeling. I felt as if my head was held in a plastic bag, slowly suffocating to death. Literally, I was a fish out of water, gasping away.

My only solution was to maintain a sense of calm. Think monks in a monastery calmly caressing prayer beads and deep in meditation. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat and never cease the pattern or risk keeling over at the table.

Of course, I'm better now.

But I'm just waiting for the next attack to rob me of my breath.