strange strange situation
I simply do not get it. How come you guys are so nice to me, despite everything that I might say or do?
Even though I'm evil as can be, you remain nice. How am I supposed to respond like this?!?!?!
You're confusing me entirely.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
omg it's the big 21.
Everyone I know seems to be having some big birthday bash to celebrate their 21st birthday this year.
Some just hold a simple BBQ and then invite everyone they know (from birth to present, literally) to enjoy some time together.
Some hold it in a condo and then proceed to invite everyone they know (from birth to present, literally).
Some hold it in a ballroom and then proceed to invite everyone they know (from birth to present, literally).
What usually happens is that the birthday person will make a speech, often involving those present at the celebration. The speech will reflect on that person's life, about how he/she changed after meeting this/that person, or perhaps about his this/that person means so much to him/her. It's often lengthy, and involves plenty of fake smiles, hidden embarrassment and barely concealed yawns.
Is it any wonder why I'm avoiding planned celebrations at some wondrous place for myself?
To me, it's like this big "oh look at me I'm turning 21 so I feel the need to speak of me and my life.".
But I'm only turning 21. Have I really done or experienced that many life-changing events? Do I need to talk about myself and have people celebrate me?
It's possible I'm viewing this the wrong way. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for all you people turning 21, hell I'm 21 as of 4 and a 1/2 hours ago myself.
I just don't think all this fancy hoopla is needed for something as simple as a twenty first birthday.
Everyone I know seems to be having some big birthday bash to celebrate their 21st birthday this year.
Some just hold a simple BBQ and then invite everyone they know (from birth to present, literally) to enjoy some time together.
Some hold it in a condo and then proceed to invite everyone they know (from birth to present, literally).
Some hold it in a ballroom and then proceed to invite everyone they know (from birth to present, literally).
What usually happens is that the birthday person will make a speech, often involving those present at the celebration. The speech will reflect on that person's life, about how he/she changed after meeting this/that person, or perhaps about his this/that person means so much to him/her. It's often lengthy, and involves plenty of fake smiles, hidden embarrassment and barely concealed yawns.
Is it any wonder why I'm avoiding planned celebrations at some wondrous place for myself?
To me, it's like this big "oh look at me I'm turning 21 so I feel the need to speak of me and my life.".
But I'm only turning 21. Have I really done or experienced that many life-changing events? Do I need to talk about myself and have people celebrate me?
It's possible I'm viewing this the wrong way. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for all you people turning 21, hell I'm 21 as of 4 and a 1/2 hours ago myself.
I just don't think all this fancy hoopla is needed for something as simple as a twenty first birthday.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
live life to the fullest
It's quite sad when I read the essays that Secondary 3 students have submitted to their English teachers. The essay requires them to detail (with clarity and descriptive terms no less) one day in the life of a student. The picture that was thus drawn for me was bleak.
The ordinary student goes to school before the sun rises, taking a stroll to calm himself down. He is forced to sing the National Anthem and say the Pledge. To quote a student, hardly anyone does it and she simply mouths the words along as well.
Lessons then begin, and they end between 2.30 and 4.00. By then, the student is totally exhausted, as every essay seems to say.
The weary boy then trudges home, and faces a formidable pile of homework that keeps him occupied from after school to just before dinner. If he is hardworking, he'd find time to revise and then help with cooking dinner, although this is rare.
After dinner, he either continues with his homework, or sits down to watch tv. The day ends at 10.45, where the student retires to his bedroom and sleeps.
The cycle repeats itself again the next day.
Is that horrendous or what? There is no description of any interaction with family members, nor is there any mention of exercise.
What kind of education system would force a child into such torture?
It's quite sad when I read the essays that Secondary 3 students have submitted to their English teachers. The essay requires them to detail (with clarity and descriptive terms no less) one day in the life of a student. The picture that was thus drawn for me was bleak.
The ordinary student goes to school before the sun rises, taking a stroll to calm himself down. He is forced to sing the National Anthem and say the Pledge. To quote a student, hardly anyone does it and she simply mouths the words along as well.
Lessons then begin, and they end between 2.30 and 4.00. By then, the student is totally exhausted, as every essay seems to say.
The weary boy then trudges home, and faces a formidable pile of homework that keeps him occupied from after school to just before dinner. If he is hardworking, he'd find time to revise and then help with cooking dinner, although this is rare.
After dinner, he either continues with his homework, or sits down to watch tv. The day ends at 10.45, where the student retires to his bedroom and sleeps.
The cycle repeats itself again the next day.
Is that horrendous or what? There is no description of any interaction with family members, nor is there any mention of exercise.
What kind of education system would force a child into such torture?
Sunday, February 04, 2007
千言万语
我的心在唱首歌给你听
歌词是如此的甜蜜
可是我害怕
我没有勇气
对你说一声我爱你。
There were too many factors that stood in the way of me opening my mouth and saying the words you really wanted to hear.
How could I take the next step knowing a pit of sharpened stakes stood in my way? Only trouble lies ahead.
My friends. You know by now barely anyone even supports me. Everyone always has something to say about who I am with. Not good looking enough, not the right person for me, too old, too young, too this and too that. There always was, and there always will be. It's like I'm surrounded by guns just waiting to fire at me.
It's no comfortable position. It's no blissful existence.
My family. They make my friends seem like girl scouts compared to what they can do. I don't even want to go into this.
And yet...
不管你用什么方式表明
我会对你说我愿意。
I did it now, didn't I? I've made my move, after agonizing over whether I should.
I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want anyone to be hurt.
Someone tell me what I should do next?
I already have half a mind to confine myself in camp just so I don't have to face the outside world. I'm frustrated with my ineptness. I'm frustrated with moving forward one step only to be mired in mud again.
It's not fair to you, I know that. This whole thing has been unfair to you for the longest time.
Your friends, do not help. Why are they piling the pressure on me? There are things I should do, say or act like, they tell me. They are pulling out the long dusty celebratory ornaments and placing them high in the sky.
It's almost like it's obligatory for me. And it's not supposed to be that way. It's fucking frustrating when I have to live up to their expectations when their expectations don't mean a cow's arse to me, especially when it's about you and I. I don't owe them anything.
I've told you this to some degree I think. This is just like a slightly more detailed version.
spread thy wings and fly
Working adults these days seem to be throwing themselves more and more into their work. It is not as if they enjoy what they do, nor is it that they have nothing else to do.
Everything they do is calculated to allow them to earn more money.
Unfortunately for everyone these days, prices only go up. And it's unavoidable to boot.
A night ago, a taxi driver had these words of wisdom for me:
"If you ever get the chance, pack up and get the hell out of this country." (With the inherent assumption that life would be cheaper of course.)
Working adults these days seem to be throwing themselves more and more into their work. It is not as if they enjoy what they do, nor is it that they have nothing else to do.
Everything they do is calculated to allow them to earn more money.
Unfortunately for everyone these days, prices only go up. And it's unavoidable to boot.
A night ago, a taxi driver had these words of wisdom for me:
"If you ever get the chance, pack up and get the hell out of this country." (With the inherent assumption that life would be cheaper of course.)
不言不语？
I had a three way conversation with two friends recently, and the direction of the conversation made me realise some things about me.
For starters, I know now that any attempt (misguided or otherwise) to effect a change in me is extremely unwelcome.
Secondly, in a relationship between person A and person B, who is person C to interfere? So what if person C is the best pal of either person A or B? No one should meddle in what are essentially private affairs.
Finally, blame it on parental influence, bad genetics or whatever, but my patience these days wears thin very easily. It's almost like a piece of paper now, liable to be torn apart at the slightest pressure.
I'm not making any veiled threats here. It's just an observation of things happening around me.
I had a three way conversation with two friends recently, and the direction of the conversation made me realise some things about me.
For starters, I know now that any attempt (misguided or otherwise) to effect a change in me is extremely unwelcome.
Secondly, in a relationship between person A and person B, who is person C to interfere? So what if person C is the best pal of either person A or B? No one should meddle in what are essentially private affairs.
Finally, blame it on parental influence, bad genetics or whatever, but my patience these days wears thin very easily. It's almost like a piece of paper now, liable to be torn apart at the slightest pressure.
I'm not making any veiled threats here. It's just an observation of things happening around me.
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