the importance of being precise (and maybe earnest)

At a certain mahjong session, one of the players (a male) innocently remarked to the other (a female):

"Eh, why you like to keep on eating my yew char kway* ah?"

*Dough Fritters

Just think dirty.

Lady From China Pwns.

Eat that, SI2 contestants.

i can feel you breathe

It is a terrifying feeling to draw breath, and feel as if you haven't. It is like drawing water from an empty well, like singing and producing no sound.

I do not relish struggling for every atom of much needed oxygen. I do not want to claw air out of my surroundings.

But I can't help it. I am fucking lightheaded, and I am exhausted from breathing so deep and yet feeling as if I've been holding my breath.

What the hell is going on?

i need you

It's absolutely gratifying to have a friend, during a course of a normal phone conversation, tell you, "You know, I did miss you today. I thought of you while I was doing *insert random activity*"

With those simple words, it lets you know that you are wanted, that people DO think of you, and that you mean something to someone.

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Words are very important to me; I place great value on them. Precision with words thus, is everything.

For example, a friend wants me to come along on a random outing with others, and my friend uses the term "follow" instead of "accompany". The former, to me, has this oh-so-ever negative vibe that seems to suggest that I'd be trailing along behind like an obedient puppy, or a sullen maid. "Accompany" however, suggests a sense of equality in one's position in a group of people going out together.

I am not being oversensitive. I am merely reading intentions from words. I am not reading too much either. In such matters, I believe that my friends (well, most of them anyway) have the mental capability to choose their words and the facility of language to express themselves more than adequately well. In this, I thus think highly of your grasp of the language you speak all your life.

Note: I am not taking this opportunity to bitch at anyone. I'm just expressing how I feel.

you're uninvited

A good memory is a prized possession these days. It comes in such rare quantities, I can only name 2 persons who have it, one being my mom, and the other being a stranger, Paul.

"So when are you going into the army?"

"Are you prepared?"

"What date you going army?"

"Tekong ah?"

"BMT when ah?"

I have received countless questions in varying forms like the above since forever. I have also had it with answering the same question with the same damn answer.

Point of the matter is, if you do not see fit to remember a stupid date, then do not fucking bother to ask me when I going army ah?

What does it matter if I go in tomorrow, or next week? Do you really care? Do you really give a shit?

These questions are often followed by a barrage of statements like...

"Aiyah, these days army very senang one. No scared lor."

"Wah... so fast ah?"

"wah.. you prepared not?"

"You better mentally prepare yourself arh."

"Wah you go in sure die one..see you never do any prepare."

"*laughs uproariously* YOU ARMY AH? Wah... better prepare yourself ah. *regales stupid tale of life in army to me*"

I thank you all for your concern. Now fuck off. I do not need to hear yet another story about what goes in in field fucking camp. I do not need to know how loud a "thunderflash" is. I am uninterested in listening to your tales of overwhelming physical activity.

Furthermore, I have no interest in memorizing the many acronyms that National Service Men use. On occasion, I purposely feigned interest, and asked one of them what one of the acronyms they spouted with ease meant.

Guess what? They didn't know either. Classic. The clueless fools do not know what they are talking about.

Also, I do not wish to hear any recruit, regular, or otherwise spout the army lingo that totally defaces language.

"wah.. go field camp already damn shag."

As far as http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/shag says,

Shag (Noun)

1. Tangle or mass, especially of rough matted hair.

2. A rug with a thick rough pile.

3. Coarse shredded tobacco.

So, does going for the oft-mentioned field camp (cue audience ooh please) mean that at the end, it resembles a rug with a thick rough pile, or coarse shredded tobacco?

The English language is full of terms that describe the human condition after strenuous activity . One could easily say things like

Worn out.
Wearied.
Tired.
Exhausted.
Fatigued.
Wrung dry.

Six perfectly normal words to use, in place of the wrong word, "shag".

Ooh yes, I am utterly disgruntled with the whole hoo ha about the army business. I am going to experience it myself, and no help is needed especially when all you want to do is tell me your "exciting" stories of the time in the wilds.

And yes, I am amongst the last of my peers to enter the army. Last, is NOT least. I know a good bunch of you, my friends, peers and acquaintances, are going to be discharged from national service at the end of this year, or early next. I do not need the smug look on your face when you remind me that 3 months into my turn, you leave. I do not need you to tell me that I'll be wasting 2 years of my life while you start to study again. May I remind at least one of you that you fucked up your A Levels? Before you laugh at me, think about your own failings first, please? We've led totally different lives since tertiary education started, and what I've experienced in my life, more than makes up for entering the army one year and nine months later.

So there. I've finally found time to voice my displeasure with the nice fucks who want to ruin my day.

I appreciate the gesture, I just don't need it.

Rowan Atkinson Smut

just get it on

I've found what is lacking in porn. All I see the banging of body part into body part. All we hear is the (fake?) moaning and groaning of involved parties.

I think there should be focus on the seduction process instead.

That stare that lasts a little too long.

The sexual tension that burns in the air.

The atmosphere so intense a match could light by itself.

The touch of the hand that lingers just for that extra milisecond.

The little things like this, that make up the entire prelude to even foreplay. It would make the sex so much more hotter.

Instant gratification, however, must have its way, and we are left with the crass scenes that slap us in the face.

I've always liked a good seduction better than sex.

bleargh goes the aching weasel

OMG I am so exhausted.

Staying on an adrenaline rush the whole day is no joke. Craning your head towards the bus stop the whole time is no walk in the park either.

Experiencing vertigo when there's a sudden rush of blood to the brain when victory arrives is bliss.

I do wish I could remember to stop the cat from getting my tongue though.

i be

Swooning
pottering about doing silly stuff
Smiling like a giddy schoolgirl

Feeling like my loins are afire
allowing myself to run wild with imagining things
Frowning in concentration

Trying to restrain myself from touching the phone
undergoing extreme stress because of said restraint
Touching myself instead (only joking!!)

Wallowing in self-pity
lusty
Wishing a certain someone would just sms/call me

Lesson of the day: Do not constantly watch the entrance, because when your heart lurches out your mouth and onto the floor on seeing the one you wish to see, you are unable to function at all.

one silly moment

Gladys: Did you see the sign? I think said the food costs $4.80. But must choose what?

Me: I don't know. I didn't read the sign. There were too many words on it.

random photo viewing moment

This materialised from the results of a random lookthrough the vast file(s) of photos I have.

Oh how I missed those days. Some of it anyway.

awkward position

I recently realised that one of Shania Twain's songs had the lamest lyrics ever.

"YOU'RE A FINE PIECE OF REAL ESTATE AND I'M GONNA GET ME SOME LAND"

Guess the title of the song and receive a free MP3 version of it. lol.

moments of blessed unnotice

It's terrible when you have a handphone as your alarm clock. Imagine being really groggy, and not quite tuned into the world.

Then you hear a ringtone, and you lift up a trembling hand to answer the call.

No one's there to respond.

You panic and look at the screen.

8AM WAKE UP!! ALARM!!!

never fear the cashierman is here

The only kick I get out of being a cashier: dispensing pearls of wisdom.

Situation #1

Kid: Mommy, I like Visa!!

Mommy: *smiles indulgently* Yes..you do.

Me: Oh no, that's wrong. You should love cold hard cash instead. People will worship you.

Mommy: *smiles vanishes a little*

Me: Always remember that okay?

Kid: *clutches at Mommy*

Situation #2

Husband: Eh... see! Got tingle. How they tingle ah?

Wife: I don't know leh.

Me: *intrudes* No good this one.

Husband: Oh, is it?

Me: Yah. They use menthol.

Husband: Eee. How can? *puts condom back*

Situation #3

Boyfriend: I pay first.

Girlfriend: Shoves money into boyfriend's hands.

Boyfriend: Eh, what you doing?

Girlfriend: Take la.

Me: *brandishes receipt in their faces* Nah. Take. You want to use this to fight over money? Easier.

Girlfriend: Oh, no thanks. *scurries away*

Situation #4

16 Y.O. boy: *puts pack of Tingle condoms on counter

Me: *stares incredulously*

Boy: *stares back, turning as red as his t-shirt*

Me: Don't regret it okay?

Boy: Okay, thanks.

is it bad if...

there's a sudden memory of what Bacardi and Coke tastes like and you instantly crave for some?

you hear a song and you are transported back to a dark, smokey, deafening location, and you long for a moment to be physically there again?

you see a t-shirt, and you quickly look up to look at the face of the owner of the t-shirt, only to realise that's it's not the face you want to see, but that of a stranger?

aw c'mon just a lil please?

Attention. Everyone deserves a little.

I thought I deserved a little more from you.

How come you spent almost the whole time focused on someone else? How come it felt as if there was no interest coming from your direction, when all signs pointed the other way the previous week?

You hurt me.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear enough. Or maybe you think I'm not good enough for you and you've seen a better catch somewhere else.

I don't get cold and hot games. They throw me off track and then I will promptly lose all my interest.

How do I tell you that?

Maybe this was all wishful thinking on my part.

this i promise you

I'm going to find out more about you.

I'm going to learn all about your quirky behaviour and mannerisms.

I'm going to know you inside out.

You're going to do the same about me.

You'll know every little bit of me.

Then maybe I won't feel so... grey.

For once, I'll feel white instead of black.

a case of the why the fuck aren't you speaking?

Having new stuff occur in my life always makes me rather edgy. I'm not sure what it is I should do, and just how exactly I should act.

Be like I've always been, or alter little bits here and there and present an image that is mostly me, but improved for the moment.

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I smsed you today, but you didn't reply to me.
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Of course, being myself is always the best. It beats having to explain away any mismatch in the lies that one carefully concocts to maintain a certain image.

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I sat fidgeting, watching my phone stare lifelessly at me. Where are you?
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No, I'm not going nuts. No, I'm not going nuts. No, I'm not going nuts. Yes, I am fine. Yes, I am fine.

This is starting to get to me. I thought I was in firm control of myself? So how is it I'm dithering like some fool? It's even affecting my work.

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How do I concentrate on counting money when all I have in my mind is you?
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Totally disturbing. Fun though.