Repetition?

Sorry if I'm repeating myself about my brother. But I can't help it.

You Actually Can?

You actually can speak to me? Granted, it was only one sentence, but hell, you managed to work up the courage to speak at me without first puking out your guts?

Can't remember what you said? Here's a quick recap. "Eh Asshole, don't know how to off the lights ah?"

Quite nice of you huh?

Let's see.

I tried my darndest not to even glance at you.
I purposely ate after you ate so we didn't have to sit at the same table.
I avoided every single room you were in.
While you were bathing I was careful not to use the water so it wouldn't affect your water pressure.
I never used the computer during the times when I knew you wanted to use it.
I didn't ask you to let me use because I know you were busy with the project you were on.
I didn't talk to mum, lest you think I was interrupting you while you were speaking to her.
I let you enter the house first, just so you could choose which room to occupy.
I let you choose where to eat, otherwise you might get mad because you didn't get what you wanted.
I didn't complain even when the food sucked, because you might lose face as you chose a bad place to eat.
Mum and Dad didn't complain that it wasn't worth the money. At least, they didn't complain in front of you.
When Ben came home, he actually sighed with relief that you weren't home before him for once.

Overall, I've been pretty good the past 2 weeks haven't I? The only thing I forgot was to turn off the lights before going to sleep. Something you could have done, but then you chose to come out of your room, come into mine, and tell me to turn off the lights in the hall. I guess for that one indiscretion, I deserved to be called an asshole.

Shall I grovel at your feet next morning? Oh wait. You don't like noise in the morning, silence is your preference.

For the Friend I never had.

Hell yeah. I mean, whoever has a friend that takes photos of food just because they look nice? And No Azi, I'm not referring to you. At least, you don't take photos of your food right?

I'm talking about Charlotte. Yes Char, I'm talking about you. I've decided to talk about you right now. And stuff about all me other friends are coming up over the course of the next few days.

Let's see. It's been how many years already? I think this is like year number 6 that we've been friends. Not bad huh? From sec 1, when I was dorky shit, and you were nerdy ass, till today, where I'm still dorky shit, and you're flirty bitch. I know. You're going to say that you don't flirt. But hey, this is my blog, I say what I like. =)

I think things got hotter in sec 2, when you me and anya were together, writing in that little book. MSN version 1.0 I say. And then things heated up even more in sec 3/4, when all of a sudden, we're in the same class again. Sheesh, I remember you were so afraid you couldn't get into 4e3.

We bitched and bitched, and I think things got even more bitchier when we entered poly. Started the weekly meetings every Monday, just so we wouldn't forget each other. How sweet. *Puke.*

All through the freaking six years, I realise that we've done quite a bit about making sly sarcastic (oh hey!~ Alliteration.) digs at each other, and I get the freaking feeling (oh hey!~ Another Alliteration (oh Hey! More Alliteration!)) that we became quite close because of that.

Tell me the password to your stupid blog you dumb blond, or I'm not going to love you anymore.

I mean it.

BBBLLEAARRUUURRGGGHH. Pt 2.

It's the last day of exams. Well, at least in about 1/2 an hours' time. I'm supposed to be concentrating.

But hell no. I'm distracted, and I'm speaking to about 3 people at the same time.

I'd be amazed if I could actually breeze through the paper.

But then again, who knows? Lady luck (if luck really is a lady, sheesh, what if she's a tranny??) might be on my side... but then she might choose to laugh in my face and kick me hard in the ass.

I'm doing this just for the fun of doing it. Yay. I'm flaunting knowledge.

They're Giving Way.

You do realise that don't you? That they are going out of their way just to make you happy.

Like today. We wanted to go for dinner, but then you said, everytime every week also eating the same old stuff. So Dad specially went SOMEWHERE else, where the food totally sucked.

I hope you appreciate it. Or maybe you've forgotten how Mum threatened to slap your face because you were being the overall pain in the butt son.

Give Me Elbow Room

What I want most right now, is the ability to prevent myself from hurting anyone.

Unfortunately, that's totally impossible. Because it's like being in an enclosed space, and you're shoulder to shoulder with other people stuck in the room with you. Make one movement, and you're going to rub against someone. Make another, and you rub against yet another.

So what do you do? Remain immobile? But that's impossible. Circumstances dictate that you must make a move, and move you must, no matter whose shoulder you may rub raw.

Then a rather terrifying decision comes along: Which way hurts less when you move? Which way will be less painful?

How is anyone supposed to make such a decision?

Singaporeans do have an ego too...

http://www2.mediacorpsingapore.com/board/index.php?s=

Go take a look. Yikes. Look in the Singapore Idol section.

Shucks, it seems some of those people who post are quite self-centered. I mean, they're already proclaiming that they're quite good with this song, or that song.

Or maybe it's just sheer bravado on their part?

I don't know. I don't see that bravery in a particular friend of mine who's so good she ought to just stamp right up to a recording company and demand a contract. Yeah, I'm talking about you Kabetha. =P

Love Hurts.

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry


One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry

Thesarus?

Break.
Rend.
Tear.
Annihilate.
Destroy.
Disintegrate.
Shatter.
Demolish.
Bust.
Burst.
Fragment.
Smash.
Snap.
Split.
Tear.
Trash.
Crush.
Eradicate.

BBBLLEAARRUUURRGGGHH.

Today is MBS exam. And what have I done to show that I am prepared for it? Hmm. Let's see. I've gone through one out of nine possible chapters. Not bad. And I've skimmed through the first 3.

And then I'm going to die.

Strangely enough, I don't feel in the least bit stressed. I know what I am going to experience later in the exam hall. I'm going to be dead bored halfway through the paper, and then I'm going to be like, "Can I hand this in and just give up?" Then I'm going to fall asleep halfway.

I mean, it's like, everyone is so stressed out, and they're busy cracking their heads over the advantages of a Group Decision Support System, and here I am, feeling bored.

That's not very helpful I guess.

Oh, wait. Here's a shoutout:


THANKS CHAR!!! I KNOW YOU LOVE ME. NOW LET'S REGISTER OUR MARRIAGE AND GO THROUGH HELL AS WE TRY TO LIVE WITH EACH OTHER AND REALISE ALL WE'RE EVER GOING TO DO IS BITCH AT HIGH SPEED AT EACH OTHER.

p.s. I love you too. =P

Reminder To Self

Alicia Keys- The Life

Brian McKnight- One Last Cry

Lean On Me. Possibly by The Temptations.

For Kay

I Have Nothing. Whitney Houston.

There Are Many Types Of People

And that's something that I really need to remember.

Today, I just got confirmation from a friend that this world does not have only thickskinned people. Even the thickskinned ones, they can be hurt too.

I always thought being frank wasn't exactly a good thing, which was probably why in Secondary School, I tried my very best to keep a lid on my mouth. Occasionally of course, things went haywire and I really offended people. And they confronted me, and we worked things out. More or less, it ended up with me saying sorry. Cos I really was wrong! Yikes.

Then poly comes along, and I realise that I've thrown those lids away, and I've become totally frank. When they ask for something, I give it. Even when they don't ask, I sometimes provide the words they really don't want to hear.

Then, I realised that people were getting hurt by the things that I've been saying. Unfortunately, the things that I've said turn out to be the truth. And how can anyone be sorry for speaking the truth?

Of course, I can always choose to swallow the pride, and say sorry for being such an asshole. But then again, why should I? If they're so angry that I spoke the truth, then they really need to go take a look in the mirror and see what's wrong with them.

Funny how I keep putting songs up. But then, it's only cos I like them, and sometimes, that they have something in them that I can relate to.

You Don't Know My Name

Baby, baby, baby,
from the day I saw you,
I really, really wanted to catch your eye.
There's something special 'bout you.
I must really like you,
'cause not a lot of ppl are worth my time.
Oh. Baby, baby, baby,
It's gettin' kinda crazy,
'cause you are takin' over my mind.

And it feels like
OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...
You don't know my name.
I swear...
It feels like
OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...
You don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)
Oh!

Baby, baby, baby
I see us on our first date.
You doin' everything that makes me smile.
And when we had our first kiss,
it happened on a Thursday,
and, ooh, it set my soul on fire.
Ooh, baby, baby, baby,
I can't wait for the first time.
My imagination's runnin' wild. (=P)

It feels like
OooOoOoOoOoooooo...
You don't know my name.
And I swear it, baby,
It feels like
OooOoOoOoOooOooooo...
U don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)
Will you ever know?

I'm sayin'
You don't even know what you're doin' to me.
Got me feelin all crazy inside.
I'm I'm feelin like...Oh!
I'm doin' more than I've ever done
for anyone's attention.
Take notice of what's in front of you
'cause did i mention (Oh!)
you're 'bout to miss a good thing?
And you'll never know how good it feels to have
all of my affection.
And you'll never get a chance to experience
my lovin' (Oh!)
'Cause my lovin feels like...

OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...
You don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)
And I swear it feels like

OooOoOoOoOooOooOooo...
You don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go.(Oh..)Will you ever know?)

Will you ever know it?
No, no, no, no, no...no, no...
Will you ever know it?

Why?
Why don't you speak your mind?
Why do you just leave like that?

Perhaps you don't know...
What it is like to be afraid.
The promises you made, you don't seem to care about them.

You left me alone...
In the cold.
In the dark.

Yet maybe even one like you,
could miss the days we had.

It breaks my heart,
whenever I think of you.

Yet, all I can think of is you.

I really want to forget about you.
I really want to forget that I've lost you.

Why?
Why do you not speak a word?
Why do you not tell me why you're leaving?

You. That's all there is in your heart.
Don't you understand that I am hurt too?

It breaks my heart,
whenever I think of you.

Yet, all I can think of is you.

I really want to forget about you.
I really want to forget that I've lost you.

Now, when I think of you,
I remind myself of the promise I've made.

I will forget you.

Can I do it?



--想到你 Elva Hsiao

Insert Smart Ass Comment Here

Sorry. Couldn't think of a better title. It'll have to do.

Argh. My Elva CD is spoiled. The 爱上爱 (In Love With Love) Album. It's so scratched that some tracks come out as just that: Scratched. This is terrible. I need to take better care of my CD's. After all, I bought them with my own money, and so should treasure my own possessions right?

I realised that I haven't come in here in about 5 days. This is the 13th April right? Yeah. I should think so. Well, I just felt that there really wasn't anything much for me to say. So well, I put off coming in here.

Let's see. What happened today? Nothing much actually. I went, and slept through, an entire Macroecons class (as usual). Then, for some reason that I can't seem to find, I ended waiting close to 2 hours for Nad. And when I finally met her, we simply sat outside the library for about 1/2 to 1 hour?

Then Amin came running along...or rather, bouncing. Oh wait. Was he walking? I don't know la. We talked. And talked. And talked. Then he started reminicising (I probably spelt that wrong, but ahhh, what the hell.) about GRC Night back when we were both in Sec 3 or 2. Then he started bitching at me. Then I bitched at him. Then Nad joined in. Then they combined forces against me and.... Well, that's about it.

Then, he "accidentally" revealed that he found a special someone in Law Course especially droolsome, was it? Or drooly? Something about drooling lah. Refused to say who it was though. Suddenly, the kaypoh instinct comes surfacing.

Then, he left. And Azi came along. Along with erm..let's see. Oh shit. I can't recall her name. Oh yeah! Nuraini! Sheesh, you'd think Nad and I are some kind of a pit stop for people to come rest their feet and talk to us.

Then there was the great Arcade battle. Or rather, the great Arcade drubbing. As usual, Nad lost horribly to me in the races, and then we played this tank game thingy where we shoot each other into little bits of scrap metal. Obviously, she lost to me again. Victory is sweet I tell you.

Nad, you just suck in arcade games lah. =P

I Can't Believe Who They Chose

Shucks. The finals of Temasek's talent search competition is over. And neither Charlotte nor Kay won.

Well, Kay is explainable, cos well, she freaked out at the last moment. Also, the crappy organisers were trying to be funny, adding stuff to her music, and making higher or lower in pitch. It's like as though they purposely don't want her to win at all. Bitches.

I thought Char was excellent. She hit her high notes very well, all done very strongly, except perhaps for that last note.

But the winner Christina Wang. She sang "Tell Him" by Celine Dion. God. She was completely FLAT here and there, and her overall performance was horrible. She mixed up Celine's and Barbra's parts, and it sounded like a complete mess. And she won?

Even the first guy would have deserved to win.

Even I would have.

Just What Do You Want?

Just what the hell do you want with me?

We've not spoken to each other for weeks, for months even. And right on the day of a birthday celebration, comes your first words to me. Even then, you did not even speak my name. You merely rebuked me. And what wrong did I do? All I ever did was to try to get things going, and there you are saying that I had never consulted you. Is that fair? Did you look as if you wanted to be consulted by me? Heck, did you look as if you even wanted me to look at you?

Just what the hell is wrong with you? Am I not part of your family? Do I not share the same freaking surname as you? Why do you insist on treating me like some outcast? Am I really that horrendous to you?

Oh wait. Are you jealous of me? Just because I'm doing better than you ever will, just because I am smarter than you are, you are jealous of me?

Maybe you'll never admit that.

But then, I'm entirely sick of crawling around you already. You probably don't realise that do you?

I can't wait for the day you enter into the army. There will be peace in the land. There won't be any quarrels or fights.

Do you know that whenever we want to go for dinner or just to go to the club, Mum and Dad find ways and means to avoid having you around?

Do you see the look on Mum's face whenever she wants to go to the club? I distinctly heard her mention to Dad, "Don't bring you along, cos everytime you go there, you become so grumpy and always want to go home." Don't you realise that Mum wants to enjoy herself there? Don't you realise that all she wants to do there is to forget about home and all the problems? Yet all you want is to have your way with what we do, and what we eat.

Sure, you help around the house, but do you really know Mum at all? I see her react almost in disgust whenever they talk about the club.

Do you realise that the younger one cannot stand you as well? How many times already, have I heard him complaining about you to Mum. And all she ever says is never mind, because that's the way you are.

But is it fair that just because you are like that means you must act like that? Have you thought of the family?

Do you think that I belong to this family?

Damn. It Hurts.

Ouch. My whole body is busy aching away. I wonder what I did during the night that caused it to ache like that?

Here's a possible explanation: I remained in one position the whole night and didn't move unti I woke up. All the blood vessels got constricted while I was asleep, and every muscle didn't get enough blood. Thanks.

It's like I went to work out in the gym or something, only I was asleep. Hmm, did I dream I was working out in the gym? Sheesh, that sounds entirely him-botic doesn't it?

Oh, and NO. I did not dream of that.