Shitty day...

Just realized that recently,i only update this blog when I'm upset. Seriously, I've nvr felt like this before. Always had tot that I can resist the temptations from using the penknife again. 可是，哭着哭着，不知不觉地又把刀片拔了出来。 I've lost too many friends through a break up, I can't afford to loss anymore friends. Especially that one special friend whom knows and understands me the best. Yet, he today really had done something I nvr tot would happen. :'(

Ærlig talt, jeg hadde egentlig ikke utvinnes fra bryte opp ennå. Ja, kanskje noen av dere har tenkt at jeg er lang over det. Jeg har prøvd smilende den bort mens det fortsatt gjør vondt meg som dritt.

Typing while bleeding... Hahas!! At least I know when to stop before I end up in the hospital. And yes, sorry I broke the promise. I couldn't tank anymore of this.

I really just need one person to care. Someone who really knows me well. That's why I've been caring so much for my friends. And yeah. Which of 3 told me off today for annoying them. "Reap what you sow" I guess it doesn't apply to me. And yes, you said that I've no life. You're right. I lost it. I'll just consider myself dead from now on okay?? I know you're happy to know that. Cos I know wad to expect when I die. I become a wandering spirit, loitering the surface of the earth, not expecting anyone to know of my existence. And that's wad I'm gonna be. So much for best friends who just treat you as ghosts.

And yes, I cut. I broke my promise. But wad's done's done. Hahas!!

Until next time.

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Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.8

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.8

Freak me!!

Fucking ruined my own Thursday. Started off quite well. Got back my papers. Though not happy but glad that at least I didn't do as bad as I expected it to be. Stayed back in skool for RCY, went to the  teletubies hill and had some games. Then back to skool, some more games, debrief and off to home. For the whole day, had been expecting to go jogging at night. In the end it was canceled. Nvm. Life's unpredictable, things which are planned would most prolly always not work out well. So now, just looking forward to tml's gym-ing session. But as per normal, I nvr expect us to go gym tml. Cos I know in the end, somehow,I just can't go. Hahas!! Sad. Well, but no choice. Yes, others treat me as substitute. I dunno if you do too. I want even talking about you and yet, you sent me 6 msg on whatsapp. I was so scared and shocked. I can't afford to lose you in my life. I lost you to another girl twice. First time,I was lucky I got you back, but I wasn't as lucky the second time and since then, I changed. Maybe not in your eyes, but I know my friends certainly saw it. That's why they drifted apart from me. Well, I'll nvr be the same old me again unless I'm with you. Maybe that's the reason why you tot I was still the same. It's only with you that I feel alive. It's only then that I feel human. Other times, I dunno who that other person came from either. Nvr smiling, always faking. In used to not having friends like that around me. That's the dependent part of me. But I can nvr survive if you were ever to Waltz outta my life. I'm already broken when I lost you and nvr got you back. I still have a huge part of me with you that I nvr want to take back from you. I nvr wanna take it back. I dun wanna take it back. I can't take it back. I must not...
You went to the doc today. And spent unnecessary money to chao geng. Okay, it was just a joke. You're too tired, you need a rest anyways. Sleeping so late to read Manga and waking up so early the next morning to prepare for work. It's tough on you especially when you are trying to spend as little money as possible, falling sick is easy. You should take care of yourself. I want someone perfect and you're it. Things that might matter to others like lying are fine to me. As long as I trust you which I believe I do. Such a pity, I found wad I really wan yet, all I can pray for is that he doesn't exit my life. All day and all night, same prayer yet, I'm afraid one day, you would exit my life like how others did. You're the only one person I can't afford to lose. It might not be the same for you but I dun care...
I fucking hate myself!! I had to"spam"you on whatsapp, I dunno wad was wrong with me either. Bipolar syndrome maybe??
I feel really lousy... No matter in which area or aspects in life, I'm nvr up to standard. No point trying anymore right. All of the people I have left in my life thinks the same way. I'll always be under par in your eyes, in the teachers' eyes, in my parents' eyes, in my friends' eyes. You know how it feels like to disappoint the most important people in your life?? The feeling I tell you, sucks to the core!! Always making my loved ones angry, upset, heart broken, disappointed. I nvr wanted to do that. But hey, I didn't wad had gotten into me either. Worse part, I can't even make myself happy anymore. Even if I feel like crying, tears are always held in. you all will nvr know how it feels. And yes, having everyone say that I'm childish. Fuck. Seriously, I HATE THAT!! But do you know how painful it is to just smile and say thank you for that?? Yes, I'm used to it. But it still hurts and it hurts more and more each day. Sometimes, I seriously feel like killing myself!! God, I'm sorry I failed to be the creation I should be. I failed you, I sinned, I did things which I want supposed to do. I dun seek for forgiveness for I know that I always repeat my own mistakes no matter how many times you were to forgive me. Can you imagine?? I planned to end my day with a phone call with someone important and hopefully be able to wish him goodnight yet I ended up pissing him off?! Fuck, I was hurt by the tone he spoke to me in. I know he didn't mean it as he was tired. But still, it freaking hurts!!
It's just like how I used to talk to him. I nvr considered about how he would feel back then when I said those words. And now, retribution befalls unto me. I got back wad I harvested. Except, it's in hundred folds. Wow, God is good. I got back what I've sown.
Great, I still have to attend skool tml morNing. Shall koonz now... Bye and Fuck myself!!

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Not that I wanna say...

You know wad... I'm really upset right now. I know, it's all my fault to have caused you to lose everything that you had. A good girlfriend, a great bunch of friends, your best buddies. I even almost made you lose that friend of yours whom you die die cannot lose. Not I wanna say but, your friendships are built up with lies. I've been lying for you and I didn't even once tried lying or finding excuses to cover up for wad I did. Yes, those things, I've kept it from my

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A Long Long~~~ post!!

Hey Y'all!!!

I'm back!!

It's been a long time since i last updated this almost dead de blog.

Why i suddenly post leh??

Cos our dear sleeping god too bored liao.

Need entertainment. 

So, here i am!! :DDD

Lemme see...
This blog had been quite dead since... 220612.
Abandoned for around 2 months plus??
For the past 2 months plus, many many things had happened.

I've made wrong judgments,
trusted the wrong person with very important things and got myself into much trouble...
Haix!!
Regretful much!!
But, no point crying over spilt milk...

So now it's sec skool students' one week holiday.
Honestly, i think the holiday is seriously no use to me la.
Slack at home all day and only going out at night to chiong exercise.
Good thing i have someone to accompany me to exercise.
Else uh... From skinny become fats here and there.
Have been eating a lot a lot.
So honestly, $100 per month where got enough...

Let's see... This week Monday(1st day of hols).
Home all day slack, watch TV, Eat, Sleep, Lazing around  in the day.
At night, went gym-ing with Kor.
First time go gym leh...
You break another of my virginity liao lo.
Dunno how many more virginities you wanna take away from me uh.

Ran on the thread mill.
Run finish liao i was like heh heh heh heh heh!!!
Phant likea dog!!

Tuesday, same routine.
Until at night, gym then swim.
Till... Hmm... STM~ I forgot wad time.
Then got home, eat, shower, sit-ups, KOON!!!

Wednesday, which is also yst.

Same routine again!!

Then gym at 7pm and to stadium to run till around 9pm??

Then daddy drove me home.
Had Grilled salmon for dinnz and then koonz after talking on the phone.

And today's thursday.

Gek muscle early in the morning and walah!!!

Wad the hack was that...
MUSCLES?! *gasps*

Scare myself only...

But seriously uh, 17 years or my life nvr once i have muscles de uh...

So , after that, *stomach growls* DU ZI E LO!!!

Went to vista point to buy meal.
Initially planned to have nasi lemak but sis wanna eat nasi lemak.
So, i ate something else.
Decided to settle with a protein-ful meal.
Packed spicy chicken with rice (korean style) and bought soya bean milk.
Homed, eaten and tot if i should continue doing homework but that stupid girl go on TV...
Procrastinating...
Watched TV ...
Then, here i am!!!
Hehehehehehes!!!

Okay...
I still have 3 days before before skool starts again.
And on Monday, it's SS paper.
Haven even studied!! OMG!!! >.<
But SS very easy study de la.
So, relax~~~

Hmm... LEmme seeeeee...

Is this long enough??

Hao xiang bu gou chang hor??

Well, anyways~~~

Tonight's gonna go gym again.

Chiong exercise lo!!!

Gonna end the post with...


CUTE RIGHT???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAS!!!

Until next time~~~

Things just couldn't get any worse than this!

I think I'm really sick... Haiz!! The last thing I wanna get when no one is gonna take care of me. I hate this feeling. Makes me miss the hugs and the company of the one who used to sit by my bedside when I was sick. I swear I need someone right now to hug!!! I miss that scent! I'm scared!!! For no reasons... Call me a coward. But that's how I am, get scared easily by the littlest things :'(
Yst I was like. Wah... You fall sick more than I do hor... And today, I have to take back my words. But you still fall sick more than me in... let's say 3 months ba. Yst ask you take anarex for headache and fever. Today, my turn to take anarex, for severe headache!! Now all I have to do is to wait for half an hour to pass. Hopefully it would go away.
Today, I told myself that I have to finish English essay and SS SBQ. In the end, I found out that I left my SS book in skool. Can't do, so I wanted to complete my essay. Half way through the day, I was sneezing like mad. More than 10 times in a row. I swear that I could have fainted due to lack of oxygen. Sneezed so much I curled up into a ball. Soon, tears were rolling down my cheeks. Then, cried for no reasons. Hehes... Eventually, landed in lalaland for an hour plus only to be woken up by the headache. 真的很辛苦啊！Dear God, please be nice to me. Dun ever let me fall sick again without a boyfriend or a guy for me to hug! >.<
I'm not that independent. I'm slowly trying to. But just not yet.
Haix! Today actually wanna drink alcohol de. But considering the current headache that I am having, the alcohol could only make it worse. At least I'm still responsible for my own health.
As for my English essay, I done like 4/5 of it already. Just a little of the forth para and the last para and I'm done. But I think I'll only finish it tml. Cannot tahan the pain liao. Hate it when the park is just downstairs... Noisy even with windows closed. Causing more stress to my head!
Feel like just screaming downstairs "야!!!! 시끄러!!!". Even though I know maybe not even a person will understand wad I'm talking about, but that confirm will just shut them up. But, I now talk also mummy have to go "huh?!" Liao. How to shout?? Can't. I feel so pathetic! 真的很想哭了啦！

Twin towers kena earthquake??

Wahahahahahas!! Actually dun wanna be busybody de la. But looking at the state it became, hurts me la!! 5 Years together de buddy, brother, partner suddenly become like this... See le very Teamwork. You 2 both told me before la. Without each other is like hard to finish work. Hahahahas!! I know okay... Can see de. Dat's why always got meeting right. Need to meet up to talk things out and complete work which needs to be done. I know the situation now. Sudden meetings. It's always been like this isn't it??
Although i dunno how you 2 are like now. Cos also not very close le. But i remember how it was like. You 2 always strove for the best for the unit(WGS) de. You confirm remember me asking you "Me and NPCC, which one you choose??" You told me NPCC okay. Although at that time i was a lil upset but still happy that you know your priorities la. It shows that you know wad you wan. Remember your answer when i asked you why NPCC??? You said that NPCC is like your second home where you grew up at. The place you learnt lotsa things and it is where your passion is. REMEMBER OR NOT???!!! Gotta tell you, your ans hor... Very touching ah but i hope it's not just a line that you've rehearsed to tell it to other people just so that they will trust you la. Cos the passion coming from your eyes when you said that, it just sparks the feeling of "WOW~~~ Rare peeps. You're so gonna be successful in the future".
So now, 饮水思源!!! That word, familiar hor?? My chinese not good ah... You can tell me wad this means?? I think i forgot leh... But hmm... Didn't mean to trash you but, hehes! Your home and new house. You choose. Which one you wanna stay in?? If you choose the new house, and you abandon your home, dun you feel like "this is so wrong, no matter wad, that place holds lots of my memories. Without it, i wouldn't be able to be who i am now" those kinds of feeling de meh????? NO HAVE???? It just feels like suddenly that full of 人情味 de person became so disappointing towards the person who brought him to success. 
You may wanna start a new life of some kind or even, to wanna settle down thinking that it's time you made that decision. It may not be the first time you made that decision, but remember, why do you wanna think this way?? Just because you've finally found something or someone who made you feel like it?? Of cos not right?? You must have went through lots of trails and tribulations, gone through lots of stepping stones, met with failures and disappointments before you finally feel that you have found the "way of life" you really want. Correct me if you think that i'm wrong. 
If this is really so, then don't you think that you have to give thanks and gratitude to the people of the past too?? The "stepping stones" which have made you who you are now?? Well, unless you're not greatful for wad you are thinking now, you SHOULD be thankful to all the people you've met with, the people you've worked with and the people whom once, been so significant to you. You might be thinking that they are not important now but since they've brought you to where you are now, don't you think that actually, they ARE still significant and will always be no matter where you ended up in?? No matter if they were your enemies, partner, anti-fans, admirers, buddies, teacher, lecturer, acquaintance, friends, best friends, students, family, stranger, or even someone who had hurt you badly.Each one of them have taught you something in life. E.g. a rapist(if you were to be raped before). Although the person raped you but hasn't it made you wanna be more aware of the people around you?? Haven't you actually gained something from being more aware?? Okay maybe not. But it must have helped you avoid the same thing from happening again. Didn't it??
Okay... I'm going off track!! HAHAHAS!!! Actually i also dunno wad i'm talking about le la!!! I suck in expressing my own tots and feelings la. So, pardon me.
Also dunno why i would tear knowing that things have turned out this way. Kindda felt that it was partly my fault to be blamed. Both of you are the persons whom i love. We were once very close. We shared lots of memories together, had many of those "it's the first time i did this" moments together. And most importantly, both of you are the first ones to teach me how to love and to be loved. Hehes... Might think that i'm talking loads of bullshit uh... But yea. I seriously dun wish to see things end up like this la. You 2 de ego level very high. But can drop that for things which are important to you de. So, for your 5 years of brotherhood, drop your weapons and talk things out can?? Chill down can?? 5 years you've went through thick and thin, rough and smooth, happiness and sadness, successes and disappointments and the list goes on and on and on. Dun wanna be so leychey la. So generally went through many things together okay?? So, think, issit worth it?? 5 years leh... I dun even have a friend who stayed there for me for 5 years except for Quan, Eve and Ivan. But, almost like on off relationship kind of friendship la. You 2 even though 5 years only but seems like have been friends since birth those type.This kind of things confirm can solve together de right?? Well, i know you 2 might not be reading my blog le but well... Hope either one of you actually would get my msg la. Hahas...
Wah... feels like i've written a long essay and cried a bucket already. If i do this for my english essay, Ms Azleen is so gonna kill me, so many singlish and grammar errors. Well... Hope everything would go well for you 2 la. My fave jokers!!!^^ LOVE YOU 2 TTM!!

Found this quote online. Hope it helps... Ignore the hearts.

No motivation at all!!!

It's the last week of the June hols. Lotsa hw to be done, no motivation to even start one... Haix!!! How did I actually survive June hols hw?? Anyone remember?? Can remind me how I did survive?? Cos I forgot how... Somehow I even forgot how to study Liao!! Jialat right... Why must all these happen to me!!!! Not only that. Since that day, the house had been total hell till now! Screams around the house. I guess it had always been like that but I just didn't realize back then(?) So now that I know... I'm fwagging pissed off la... No one remind me to chill, so I screw anyone who pisses me at home. Lika walking machine gun! Piss me and see wad you get. Wait... Is this me?? Why do I sound so stranger to myself?? Urgh!!!!! FTS!! Guess I totally lost myself... 我跑到哪里去了？我是迷路了吗？怎么种觉得自己好像找不到回家的路能？家在哪里？I guess I shouldn't had gotten so deep into that foreign land. I dunno where I'm standing anymore... I'm scared. Yet, all I can do now is act like I'm totally fine and... FML!!!

JKMS~ <3

Haven been a really good or a really bad day. Days as usual, go skool for D&T and stuffs like that lo. So also nothing special to talk about. Except for this guy who texts me every night for no reason. Hahas! First time i heard from someone that K-ing in the rooms is cute. Dunno him la. But i think he's the cute one instead. For the past few days, had been trying to keep myself busy...(i guess).

Monday, woke up like 6AM in the morning to meet one of my cadets at the old BNS and headed down to Bishan. The train in morning was packed like sardines (that when I held onto my phone, it was only less than 10cm away from my face) while the speed of the train was like caterpillar crawling. Wad seems like 30mins from Woodlands to Bishan suddenly seemed to take for ever!! When we reached Bishan, we tailed a RI student to the campus cos we dun really know how to enter the skool. Headed to the campus' canteen to meet up with Miss Azleen and the rest of the unit for the Astar camp. It was the last day of the camp. I brought homework there so i sat beside Miss Azleen and tried to get my physics homework done. Half way through, helped Miss Azleen to think of some ideas for an enrichment session for WGSRCY. We did chocolate making, kite making, dragon boating, hippo tour, balloon sculpting in my five years in skool. So had to think of something new and beneficial. Initially tot of batik since we did it in Batam but it might be dangerous cos we had to burn the wax and the tools and materials have to be bought. Plus, we didn't have someone to teach us how it should be done nicely. So i suggested fabric dyeing. Might require some boiling if we were to extract the dyes from plants but would most prolly not be as dangerous. Anyways, were all First Aid certified RCY cadets. Scald, we know wad to do yeah~ So did all the planning, research and stuffs like that while the cadets and the VIs do their things. After the whole parade and activities end, bused the cadets back to the skool. The boys hor... Haix!!! So inconsiderate la!! They changed out their uniforms on the bus at the back as if it's their house. There are females on the bus la please!!! Had a long 2 hours talk with Miss Azleen with bubble tea in our hands at Vista Point after all the kids went home. It was sure encouraging for a form teacher to be counselling her student like that for 2 hours straight!! It seems like counselling had always been 2 hours or more for me. Problems like a piled up rubbish dump like this. Can't even burn! Headed down to the bank to collect money after parting ways with Miss Azleen. After that, i stood in front of the MRT station for about an hours or more cos i was deciding if i should go to Pasir Ris to celebrate Edwin Lim's birthday. In the end didn't go cos it was too late. So i decided to wait for mummy to come back then go home together with her. I think i stood too long or something. Got some dizzy spells and almost fainted... When i reached home, had a little food for dinn and went to sleep straight afterwards. My sister even had to help me change out cos i can't really move. That night, woke up around 11 plus near 12 and had an ENJOYABLE talk with someone who knows me way too well... Hahahaas!!!

Tuesday, skool as per normal. Went to skool at around 9 plus 10. Nothing much happened that day so yea... It's always at night that phone calls can get interesting lo. Texted this guy all night he's kindda... Dunno wad to say. Random?? Met him for awhile cos of something and came home, sleep. That's all i can say...??

Wednesday which is yesterday like 50mins ago. Morning, the new CD shop's staff called me cos i wanted to get B1A4's Ignition Special Edition album but it cost like $35?! Ex la!!! So i went online and searched for preorders online from Fan sites. They are the best la!! Always offering the lowest prices for K-pop fans. So without considering much, transferred money to order the Album for only $23. The new CD shop is like cheating money okay... $12 diff!!! That's a lot okay... Headed to skool at around 1030. Did quite a lot today. I guess. Then asked Mr Tan for solutions for my problem in the end, my artifact became more complicating. CONGRATULATIONS, YONG SIN YEE!!! YOU DID IT!!! MORE WORK FOR YOU TML!!! Haiz... Like wad the shitt la... So tml gonna head to skool early. And leave early cos after that gonna meet darling and other girlfriends to town for shopping spree~ Rare chance. Hope i dun get too tired tml and faint again uh... Hahahas!! Mummy say she gonna bring me to the doctors during the weekend le. Cos think i've got anemia or something like that... Yea. Hope all's fine.

Well, gonna hit the sack soon. Not early lo~ Just gonna share a song before i end this post.



Was looking up on Parachute Band and randomly clicked this song. The song is really nice though. *thumbs-up*

P.S. ILOVEYOU