So. it's been three years since I've posted on this blog.
When I stopped posting, it was because the demands on my time were escalating, and because I wanted to create the space to write without targeting a blog audience. Sometimes what needs to be written is not what needs to be shared. For example, the transition from mommy blogger to mother-teens blogger is awkward. There is so much that can be shared about young children, but has to be omitted in regards to older children who, along with their friends, have their own presence on the internet. I was also tired of people reading about our health issues, because I didn't want to appear to be asking for any more casserole deliveries.
So how's it gone since then? I finished out a stint teaching gospel doctrine, which taught me to love the Book of Mormon in a way I never had before. I made some progress in the summers on a book-length manuscript that is still in the works, and I dedicated a year to journaling an hour a day as I worked my way through the Book of Mormon again, specifically looking for revisions for that manuscript.
The crazy demands of mothering have continued to escalate. I used to think my job would get easier as the kids got older. Silly delusional optimist. I know now why I have a master's degree in social work. It's because I will be spending DECADES of my life counseling, mediating, and and supporting through teenage girl angst in its many forms. It has been painful and raw and beautiful and affirming. I wish I could have shared those stories as they unfolded.
I have continued to teach at the community college. When I began, I found working with our large population of struggling students to be invigorating and inspiring. Increasingly, as I shift to helping my children with more adult problems, it drains me. I hope I am an influence for good in the lives I touch. I have a pile of thank you notes that suggests at least sometimes I am. I wonder at night about the students I haven't heard from, and I ache for the truths I can't share with my truth-seekers.
I have dug deep into the basis of my testimony, my commitment to God and to His church, and come up solid and strong. One of my greatest joys this year has been the hundreds of temple ordinances I have done for ancestors that my daughters found.
My lifestyle continues to shift as I juggle shifting demands at home. The older two girls are excelling at college. The younger four started attending a Waldorf-methods charter school this year. I love the art and literature and music that they are immersed with, and they are happy. I am surprised to not miss homeschooling at all. It was a natural transition: the right thing at the right time.
What haven't I done? I haven't written much in the way of short blog-type essays. For the first year I made lots of notes and outlines for posts I intended to write and not publish, but mostly they didn't happen. It turns out it's hard to write without an audience.
And so I wonder now if it is the right time to bring personal writing back into my life.
A friend told me that through my blogging years I found my written voice. I would say that through my non-blogging years I found my written purpose.
We'll see how the two coincide.
