UNO word DesCrIpTioN

Interviewer: Describe yourself in ONE word.
Interviewee: … ?

Luckily, the interviewer in my case is my sister. Or else, the interviewer would have to move on to the next question after looking at my indecisive expression for HOURS…
My sister did move on to her next topic of conversation… (Not a very patient person, she is…or did I really take that long to decide?!)

Indecisive. That’s the 1st word that came up to my mind. But it wouldn’t sound good saying that u’re an indecisive person to ur soon-to-be boss… So I thought of other words… words after words starting swarming to my mind. The words swam in my brain while I tried to figure out what I do and feel every single day…

Then it dawned on me… ALMOST everything that I do, I do it based on it. Whether it’s positive or negative, my daily decisions are made after I was sure that I didn’t breach the word. HEARTFELT.

I couldn’t stand feeling bad whenever I had to cancel a meeting with friends, families, or anyone. I couldn’t help but think about what other people would feel if I do this or that. The voices in my heart are so audible that I couldn’t let my phlegmatic side win. I will do anything to amend the inconveniences I’ve caused to other people. Whether it’s running errands for my sister when she’s mad at me, or simply making up another day to meet up with that other person. These are all the positives. My faults or mistakes have caused the situations to arise.

The negatives could be when I had to say NO to some things. Relationships without a future, clashing meet ups with two different friends, and even my family’s constant errands… Some REAL experiences (could be useful for… err…who knows who…hehe)

I should’ve frankly rejected a guy’s confession. Instead, I took more than 2 hours to make up all the reasons I could think of that would put him off the idea of going out with me. NOTE: 2 hours.

I should’ve turn down a school friend’s offer to meet up when I already had plans with my church friends. Instead, I offered to hang out together. Not only were there awkward moments, but I also had to speak in two different languages throughout the day!!

I should’ve just asked my sister to get the glass of water herself. Instead, I took it for her out of my own will after telling her off then seeing her frowned and said, ‘oh well…I’ll get it later then…’

There are truly many more experiences… but I couldn’t possibly write all down here…

Aniwae… after telling the ‘Uno Word Description of Myself', ever thought what yours might be?!

Perfection

Are you a perfectionist? I am. A perfectionist is someone who wants everything to be perfect in their own ways. It can be a very extreme one, or it can be just a perfectionist in a certain area. Ehmm…let me see where I fall into…I think around the middle… (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make it look like a random thing)

I didn’t realize I was one at first. Of course, who realize their bad character/habit at first??!?! Anyway… I’m not going to tell you how I finally realize it ‘cos it’s a…little…SECRET!!!^^ I still can’t distinguish which of my actions or words is considered a perfectionist, but since somethin’ happened recently, I’ll tell u about that...

I’ve been wanting something so badly. I want it so specific. It HAS to be that certain colour. (Okay, dun start freaking out now first, that’s just the start!!) As natural would always have it its way, the colour was unavailable. What’s next? Of course is the ‘I HATE WAITING’ line again. But, obviously, I had to if I want THAT colour. And I want it. So I wait. Not a very long time, just excruciatingly LONG… (note the sarcasm…hehe~ )

Ever thought of giving up? Of course!! Umpteenth times!! But when the moment I had to really choose the OTHER colour (FYI it’s not a bad colour or anything, just not special enough for me… man…what’s with me?!), I couldn’t do it, and decided to put myself into that waiting path again.

Then, an incident pushed my patience to the limit. My sista and her bf were using the phones, but, yea…the OTHER colour. I really wanted to just shout to inner self, ’WHAT IS WRONG WITH U?!?! what’s wrong with having another colour? It’s just colours…’ But those were merely words. Inner, angered words. I still waited, but has come to a really desperate point. Maybe not because of the phone, but the exhaustion of the little war I have with myself.

Who won? Well…as you would’ve guessed, my perfectionist character won. I got the phone in my specific colour. YEAY!! ~~ but the excitements, joy and celebrations happening inside me couldn’t possibly be shared with everyone surrounding me. Worse still, they might even think that I’m such a freak… sigh… but sparkling champagne glasses, victory songs, and all the PARTYING have started!!! ^^

So, back to my perfectionist talk, I am a perfectionist. I liked things to be in my special way. I want them badly. But I realized in life, some things, no lemme correct that… A LOT of things wouldn’t go according to our ways. Those are MIRACLES. SURPRISES. BLESSINGS. They brought sadness, pain, and disappointments initially. But finally, they brought exceeding joy, overwhelming comfort, and overboard happiness. So, be joyful people!

Waiting

Waiting for the tram…
Waiting for dreams to come true…
Waiting for the long-lost promises…
Waiting for the holidays to arrive…
And the list goes on…and on…and on…

We tend to always wait in life.
I can never explain the mystery reason behind it.
It just simply happens.
I guess the best guess is that we can never have everything in our own way*___*
(I know it sux, doesn’t it?!)

Look to the bright side of things!!
That’s what an encourager would say…
But (again…) as it always happens,
Where is the bright side?!
We failed to notice the bright side of things ‘cos all we see is DARK @___@

I hate waiting…
(Okay, that doesn’t truly express how I hate it…)
Let me put it this way… I HATE WAITING >=(
Everyone does. I think.
(Obviously nothing is 100% true… like a survey is never a 100% accurate)
But, have u cried over a wait?!

Not because of fear, like getting lost in a crowded mall when u were six… (I experienced that!!)
Not because of a detour to get a promise’s fulfillment… (the heavenly world of BABIES)
And certainly not because of hunger…
But because of the exploding anger.

Yes. I mean anger that has been suppressed for as long as the wait.
And anger that has accumulated as the minutes goes by…then the seconds…
And anger that has traveled through every nerve…
And anger that has caused a big hole in the heart…
And anger that…and anger…and…and…

(Take a deep breath) Okay. Much calmer.
I thought patience was a trivial thing for me…
I have always thought that way.
I thought I can always control my anger.
But that time was different.

I waited.
Patiently atFIRST.
Anxiously at 2nd.
Impatiently at 3rd.
Angrily at 4th.
Wearily at LAST.

I had to know what really happened.
I made the call.
When I opened my mouth to reply to the hello on the other line,
All it came out was a squeak.
I couldn’t hold on the exploding anger, sadness and exhaustion.
The erupted anger mixed with the weariness of the mind brought tears to my eyes.
I was surprised. I didn’t realize I was crying. I thought I was fine. But I wasn’t.

It’s funny how life is sometimes.
U are angry, but at the same time u felt bad for the way the other person felt.
Why should I even care?! But I do.
*Sigh*
Waiting is just another habit we all need to get used to. Especially me.

P.S: thankxxx for listening!!! ^^ just realised I haven't update my blog for a month!!!

69 hOuRs without a CeLl

Okay. That isn’t a cell like a prison cell… Just to make it catchy, u see… Cellphones! Yeap! That’s the one I’m talkin’ about… I have to tell you… it was the weirdest 69 hours in my whole teenage life!! (being aware that during my childhood, a mobile phone hasn’t exist in my little dictionary, yet.) You’ll know the importance of this high-tech gadget in the 21st century society after reading the following…

I used to know a guy who never got a hand phone. FYI: He’s 25 years old at that time. (I wonder if he owns one now…) I always wonder why he never wanted a phone that can make his/our lives so much easier… not mentioning the fashion it provides nowadays. “I don’t need one. It will only waste my money in buying the recharge cards. Besides, you have to carry it along with you all the time. It’s troublesome.” That was his reason. We couldn’t believe it!! This is one of a rare person!!

I used to bring my mobile phone everywhere. Malls. TV room. Dining Room. Toilet. Closet. Name it. I’m just scared I might miss a call…or an urgent SMS… Then something happened. Waiting endlessly for a call…or an SMS from someone makes me sick of palming my cell phone. To avoid thinking of when the call or SMS is gonna arrive, I put aside my hand phone whenever it’s possible… Okay… I missed calls and replied SMS-es a few hours after… (sorriee people!!) But it is a part of me, I admit. It has to be by my side. Active all the time. Ready to receive any sweet, lovely…or serious, urgent news!!!

Then, why on earth did I lose hold of it? Well… you can say I lost a battle and so had to sell it to my teacher. Hers was stolen when she was on a public bus. (Thiefs…thiefs…) She bought it with all her savings and had only used it for 2 days!! I lost the battle with my pitiful heart. I had to let it go. OR, you can say I’ve been wanting desperately for a new phone (Sony Ericsson k800i, allure brown), and by selling it, I can be sure I’ll get the latest one very, very soon… (not cunning, just a combination of good and desire^^)

I’ve thought about the consequences… But, of course, I didn’t care much. I’ve waited more than half a year to change my mobile phone!! Punishment struck me 3 hours after I sold my nokia 6600... I’ve forgotten to save all my contacts!! Okay…calm down… it’s only been 3 hours, she wouldn’t have deleted ‘em… But she did. I lost it. I felt like I was deserted in an island, without anyone I can contact to… (becos I don’t memorise phone numbers!!)

Morning came. I crept out of bed, grabbed my sis’ mobile phone, and changed it to my SIM card… Wait. Wait. *ZeeeZZZ* 2 SMS. That’s all? (Sigh. I’m not very famous after all…) It wasn’t anything important. Just forwarded messages. I placed everything back into order, and returned it to its original spot.

As the afternoon approaches, I panicked. OMG. I really need a phone!! I couldn’t feel vibrations. I’ve lost the touch of looking through pictures in My Gallery when boredom comes. I couldn’t SMS anyone to get their replies. Just an assurance that I wasn’t alone. My days were quiet. No ringing of phone. No texting of SMS. It wasn’t peaceful. It was sad… just sad…

‘Stupid, u know…’ Yeap! My sis’ remark of me selling the hand phone. I had to borrow her phone once in a while. Sending SMS just when needed. And end the convo ASAP. Imagine meeting a bunch of friends without a phone to contact ‘em.... That was what happened on the 24th hour… My friend’s birthday party. At the mall. Huge mall. I decided to take my driver’s cell phone with me. He can certainly live without one. It was working fine until I learnt from a friend that the mall do call car service only for cars parked outside, not basement. Oh oww!! What am I gonna do?!

I went to the basement where my driver dropped me off. I looked around, praying desperately that an image of my car was seen… But to no avail… I finally approached one of the security guard and told him my situation. Heart's thumping out of panic. “You can use our car call service at the main lobby. Better be quick, it closes at 9 PM.” I glanced down my watch. 8.55PM. Shoot!! I said thank you briefly and sprinted my way to the main lobby. Phew! Someone was still there. I requested my car to be called.

…People busily went out of the mall’s entrance door. One by one, cars pulled off to a halt and passengers would get in the car, then off it went. Where is it? Where is he? Maybe he didn’t hear the announcement. I looked at the person on the car call deck. They were preparing to leave!! OMG!! Should I request another call? Should I? After considering that question for 10 minutes, I decided to answer ‘I should’.

…Wait…Panicked…I can’t stay calm… Not having my phone and all the contacts made my fear rise. For once since a week ago, I regretted the thought of selling my phone. I admitted I was foolish…

I think I waited hours in that spot, waiting to be picked up… But in fact… I waited for approximately 15-20 minutes… Oh well… Life is sure tough without a cell…

In the end, my mom had pity on me, and bought me a temporary phone that will be passed on to the driver when I got my Sony Ericsson… Now… patience is testing me. I had to wait a little bit more. Almost there to owning that brand new, shining, sparkling allure brown phone… *flew high to imagination world*

Fear NoT

a tinge of flicker sent a jolt of lightning through my spine
look to the left. then to the right.
nothing.
just a bleak darkness of my room.

NO. something is moving near the cupboards.
i'm fully aware. it's coming to get me!!
heat is rushing inside me...
my heart is thumping harder and harder...

blood is circulating at a fast rate.
streaks of sweat started to flow down my white-stricken face.
it's nothing. it must be ur imagination. ignore it and go to sleep.
slowly, my eyes were shut.

...21 sheep...22 sheep...23 sheep...24....
*cReEaakk*
what was that?!
eyes wide-opened, i stared into the white ceiling
look to the left. then to the right.

i swear i heard the sound.
is it a thief? a monster? maybe it's an alien!!
have to find out.
peeking thru my bed frame, there was nothing, just the usual tiled floors.

i lied back down.
pulled my blanket tighter and higher, up to my throat.
look to the left. then to the right.clear.
i closed my eyes.

15 sheep...16 sheep...is someone approaching me? no.ignore it.
17 sheep...18 sheep...19 sheep...the air is moving near me!!
a picture came to my mind
a monster with a knife, ready to plunge it into my flesh!!
OMG...OMG...what should i do??

my heart's racing so fast that another slight push will send it flying out of my chest.
by now, my pyjamas were half wet
my hair was drenched with cold sweat.
i cant stand it. i gave in to fear...

after another thorough check around my room, i went back to sleep
pulling my blanket over my face.
inside, oxgen was replaced by carbon dioxide
soon, i was hot-faced and gasping for breath.
please go away...please...i begged earnestly

thirty minutes of what seemed like eternity passed...
all my energy was drained.
imaginations and illusions stopped.
never know when and how. i fell asleep. finally.

Words of Wisdom: "To conquer your fears, you just have to face it."

message from editor: i'm sure alot of u have heard those words before... but i was inspired to write this when i was watching a korean film series, 'Princess Lulu'...^^

experience in the OR

my heart was thumping hard
i tried feverently to stay calm
but inside me, my stomach is lurching
i can't help but think of the worst possibility

then the 'what if's came
its an operation, altho only of a tooth(just to remind that i have only been operated ONCE and that's when i was 3!!)
any mistakes could happen... i meant human errors (no offence ,doc^^)

i have to admit...
operation sure does involve trust, a strong one, between the doctor and the patient

picture me, sitting in the specialised automatic-reclining chair (okay i dunno what it's called)
i was completely conscious... except for my rear, left gum and the left half of my tongue
then... the doctor just started singing and humming gaily while his hand is approaching my rear gum with the scalpel
how ironic...
is he singing to prevent tremors of the hand that is gonna slice my gum apart?

minutes passed with the dentist on my left, sucking up blood and saliva with a tube
while the surgeon, on my right, busy trying to get my tooth that was buried in the gum
the 2 professionals were having an afternoon chat
while i have to try and stay my upperhead still, with the buzzing of the machine and the busy hands imploring my wide-opened mouth

lucky me... there is a TV a metre away from my view!!!
now i fully apprehend the usage of TV inside the dentist room...
not to entertain bored dentists when their practices went dead
but to maintain the composure of the patients sitting down in the specialised automatic- reclining chair^^

after forcing out my huge tooth out of my swollen, bleeding gum,
i could faintly feel the relief that washed over me
is this how a mother feel in labour??
finally it's all over...

but the beginning of a week of recovery...
and yea... popeyed-look that will attract people's attention everywhere u go...

why is it called a wisdom tooth?
because when u had to lose it, u became wise through all the experiences!!!

é most precious gift

i loved GIFTS.
they're beautiful. they're lovely.
u don't get it often.
so when u do, u CHERISHED it.

the gift was given to me 4 years ago...
it was a FATE, so i knew it must be from God.
unlike other gifts, i did not notice it.
few months went past, all i do is look it at once in a while.

then, fate turns its PATH...
i moved house and i began to look at it, this time, intently...
it was so BEAUTIFUL, i realised.
i, then, cherished it and spent most of my days with it...

in days of SADNESS, it covered me with warm smiles and jokes.
in days of happiness, it was with me, LAUGHING along...
in times of trouble, i faced 'em with braveness
because i know i'm not ALONE...

our days were spent with great MEMORIES...
but it had to end when i had to leave the country.
i've tried to protest. tried to make it cease.
but DREAMS have to be achieved.
life goes on without waiting for me to be ready.

the gift is a FRIEND.
she always knows how to COMFORT me.
she always cheers me up in é most perfect way.
what can i say? she's SIMPLY *Jacklyn*

photo taken the last time i met u~

Changes in Life

What can u assure of tommorrow?
a life free of hassles?
or a peaceful world?

uncertainties.
a word that has been abused.
people make promises all the time.
but who knows whether that day of promise will come?

what appeared to be a beautiful and peaceful life
the next day it will turn into a stressful and painful life..
the afternoon sky may be a clear light blue today
but tomorrow it may be a dark, grey and smokey sky...

meeting certain people can change our lives.
whether good or bad.
my life changed when i met Jesus.
and it changed when i waved farewell to close friends.

u cared for those people around u.
but it hurts when they left u all alone in the cold.
tho it's raining out there,
in our hearts, there'll always be sunshine if we think positively.

moving on can be hard,
but once we moved one,
we'll realise that brighter surprises are awaiting us on our paths ahead.
a much more exciting events are happening. Yes,believe me.

i've moved on.
i've learnt to look at my past as a blessing,
and take the useful lessons from there^^
and yeap...i believe in the future ahead...

~with faith, we shall walk...

What's happenin' ?!

My life is in a mess.
Everything doesn't seem to go as I wanted it.
Everyone doesn't seem to understand what I'm goin thru.
Am I selfish?
To want a life filled with joy?
a life full of happiness and expectations?
a life full of blessings?

I wanted so much to shout it out.
To pour it all out.
But I ceased in doin it.
I don't want people to hurt me even more.
I'll just hide it. Hide it.
I'll just wait for it to fade. Fade away.
But will it?

My heart aches.
I cry over the slightest thing.
I seeked comfort from a friend.
But he seemed so distant and far.
I tried to reach him but failed.
I wanted to protest but scared he will be sad.
So I hold it. Hold it.
Will it work out?

I hate this confusion.
I hate being in the middle.
I wanna know the truth.
If its gonna hurt, then let it hurt now.
I'm tired of guessing.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of wondering.
Let's put it under the light.

God...
Please stop the pain.
Please stop the confusion.
Please tell me what to do now...

What's happenin' to me?!

I Will Fly
By Ten2Five

You know all the things I've said
You know all the things that we have done
And things I gave to you
there's no chance for me to say
How precious you are in my life
And you know that is true

To be with you is all that I need
'cause with you my life seems brighter
and these are all the things I wanna say, hey

I will fly into your arms
And be with you to the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know it's very hard for me to get my self close to you

You're the reason why I stay
You're the one who can not believe
Our love will never end
Is it only in my dream ?
You're the one who can not see this
How could you be so blind

To be with you is all that I need
'cause with you my life seems brighter
And these are all the things I wanna say, hey

BeinG a LadY

A lady should always have a fair skin...
Never forget to wear sunblock when u're exposed to the sun...
Never ever swim outdoor before sunset...
Going to the beach is a no no unless u stay under the umbrella...
Wear the body lotion after each shower...
QUIT playing softball!! Unless u wear long sleeve and long pants for practices!!(that's implying the process of 'frying' me with the sun as the fire)
A lady should not have any scars on her legs or anywhere on their body!!!
.... blah... blah... blah...

okay... those are some of my mum's lines to me that are stored in my long-term memory...
dun get me wrong... i agree with her... totally...
but the hope of reaching that standard is pressuring me...
i like to dream myself of becoming that perfect lady in my mom's eyes...
fair skin, smooth complexion, double eyelids, smooth hands and legs, soft palms...etc

I guess the best protection is a whole body anti scratch, anti UV light and anti itchy body lotion!!!
woww.. such a good invention that will be!!!^^
now... i'm having the hardest time...
i got a cut on my right leg... (apparently i dunno why...)
and i'm having a tanned skin!!! (not all through the body... but only the face, 3/4 of hands and 1/2 of legs)
no skirts and definitely no short sleeve...are the fashion days i have to bear with for a few months!!!

i think i have an allergy...
an incurable allergy...
and that's towards myself...^^

~~sTaY TrUe 2 uRsElF~~

Outbound
Held on the 25th of August to the 27th of August.
Venue is Bukit Khayangan, Bukit Sentul.
The ride on the bus was crazy!!
Chats. Laughs. Wild jokes. Lame jokes. And everything u can think of...
(the me before...) Even comments were given for the pattern of the seats we were sitting...
FYI it was a pattern of planets and stars...

We were welcomed by the theme song of the camp, 'Welcome to My Paradise'.
The night was a long and disastrous night.
Sleeping in the tent was a bad idea itself...
not mentioning the cramped tent filled with 5 people!!!
Yeap. Squeezing and basically not moving an inch while dreaming of when day will come...

It was a cold morning...
5 AM yeahh.. it should be dawn...I guess...
with unshevelled hair and sleepy eyesoff we went up the pathway to queue for our turn to brush our teeth and wash our faces...
Imagine... over hundred people, gays and gals, all shared a total of 5 toilets and 5 showers!!!

We couldn't care less...
Brushing and washing were finally done in the toilet bowl...sigh
Okay that was the cleaning part...

The FUN part was happening right after that!!!
We played the high ropes... supposed to...
But we (me and Co.) could not stand the direct sunlight...
So went to sit in front of the tents, chatting and gobbling snacks!!
We were the last batch to do the high ropes, but it was fun...^^

By noon, we started to feel that our skins are darker...
YAA!! the sunburns!!!
Me and Cindy started to put sunblocks here and there.. for every half an hour...

We then had lunch and after that...
Again under the cruel sun, we had problem solving games...
It was full of excitements and screams!! =)
Getting to know seniors and working together with ém... (the me after...)

WOw!! it's the ART NIGHT!!!
We saw performances from different groups...
the most impressing one was the lip sync by group 6!!they chose the song 'Sudah' by Nidji...
everyone loved it!! ^^

then we were dancing!!!
gals and guys were partners..
and everytime we repeat the song...
the gals would move to another guy partner...
in this way we get to know more peeps!!!

The final day was spent walking, hiking and enjoying the waterfall (it was pathetically small)
it was HOT, tiring, dry and humid!!!
'Why does the sun goes on shining...' (i hope u know it's an old song...)

The positive side : a lot of fun, a lot of memories =)The negative side : anyone can suggest the best and fastest way to whiten your skin colour back? pls contact me... *___*

a CaTastRopHe on a BirtHDay

It was a surprise planned.

Travelled the miles to search for the perfect gift.

Spent hours to spot the best 'diamond'.

Even set aside a large amount of hard earned gold for the gift.

Did not feel the loss. It was all worth it.

Because it was a birthday for u.

Someone special in our hearts.

The skies turned dark.

The white turned grey.

Yells and scolds were heard.

Banging of doors beat our eardrums.

Air of tension filled the whole place.

No one spoke. Silence.

It was the best way. Everyone knew.

Denying words were shot through the tense air.

The bomb was lit.

The explosion hurts each and every one of our hearts.

Cried. Disappointed. Helpless.

Why is it us?

The white side fought.

Tried hard to understand and wear ur shoes.

Hearts thumping hard.

Blood rushed out filled with anger, complaints and confusion.

The happiness to celebrate was destroyed.

How could we sing the HAPPY BIRTHDAY song in such awkwardness?

Will the words even mean anything?

Everything became unplanned.

Hatred and sadness have to fade first. We decide.

The gift is waiting to be opened.

The cake is waiting to be eaten.

The candles are waiting to be lit.

So much sadness.

So much dislikes.

So much disappointments.

So much complaints.

So much of these on a birthday.

The Mask

Black and white.

Sad and happy.

She laughed. She smiled. She was having a good time. She was a joyful and a chatty girl. She appeared to everyone as someone who's ignorant. As long as the matter's not that major... she will just forget about it.

Behind the mask...

Broken. She cried. She struggled. She begged for mercy. Everytime she fell... she would stand up by herself and strengthened herself again. She didn't want anyone to feel sorry for her. She hated it. She wanted everyone to just act normal. The staring of the people surrounding her. She felt like a failure.

No No. It's no big deal. Just ignore what other people think. She kept telling herself that. The shame, the disappointments... She decided to put it all away. She will hide it. Close it and pray that no one will discover it.

Her family knew her well. Or maybe it goes in the family? They didn't comfort her exaggeratingly... They just acted like it was fine. Nothing had happened. It's true that family knows you the best...

Her true feelings are masked by her cheerfulness. Her weakness is masked by her strength outside. She will strive on. She will be strong and never looked down.

And maybe one day... she can take off that mask and be her self.

here's a lyrics to a song, ...

Breathe Again
Juwita Suwito

Have u wondered how it feels when it's all over
wondered how it feels
when u just have to start anew
never knowing where u're going
when u face a brand new day
it used to be that way
now I just close my eyes and say...

Ref: I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and pain
discover how to laugh a little
cry a little
live a little more...

I just wanna face the day
forget about the wars of yesterday
maybe if I hope a little
try a little more...
I'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
disappointments come and go
but life still moves on
with a bit of luck, it's a brand new start
that might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don't wanna live on life's replay

Ref

Bridge: Things will work out fine
if u just find the courage to look past the night
to see the break of dawn

~~~

A song that I'm currently learning to sing...
It's a very inspiring song... A song about, I'm sure, everyone's life...
Everyone has their own little secret... And also their own little problem...

Sometimes life can be so harsh...
So difficult that you feel like you wanna give up (believe me I know^^ )

But life goes on...
I'll feel better knowing that I have God who knows what's ahead of me :)
Blessed that I can still breathe and live a normal life...
Glad that He has given me the courage to keep on going and trusting in the future...
Altho it may seem a bleak darkness...
The sun will shine again... Yes I know the sun will shine upon me once again...*___*

OVERLOAD!!!
Piles of Paperwork

'...So, in the next class, we'll have presentations on different topics...''...You'll have 2 weeks to do your investigation and present it to the class...'

Okay. Let me get this straight. I know I said school was bored and the classes were not important before... But that doesn't mean that I want to have a stack of projects and reports right in front of me!!! So... I had to squeeze in all my schedule...

Tues - I was picked up from school, but had to pick up my brother at Kuningan... so I was chased by the thought that my team members are waiting for my report!!! *confused mode* So I ended up opening my laptop and reading the information i have in my laptop... I tried to prepare as much as possible... It was tiring... plus the holding of the pee... (okay, dun ask me for details) when I got home, I can't do anything else first (not even changin my clothes!!) except to do the report... It took me 2 hours to finish it!! *Phew* then I can breathe... and then I took a shower (AT LAST) at 10 plus... Then went to sleep... I thought I'll rest more tomorrow...

Wed - as it turns out... It's almost no rest day too!! I had to make a presentation for the next day!!! Arghh!! And the worst thing is... my biggest temptation... my biggest fearr!!! my sister called me...'Hey!! You wanna go to TA with me and Deasy?' I know. I know. I should reply,'Ooo...I'm sorry... But I got a presentation to do for tomorrow...' In my mind, I just knew that was the right thing to do... But my heart is saying otherwise... And after a lot of debate going through my head, I replied,' Ooo...OKAY!!^^' It's bad I know... But I really need some clothes!!! (seriously...) So I got home at around 10 plus too... Took a shower and did my presentation... I ended up sleeping at 11 plus too... Sigh Sigh Still I thought to myself..
It's okay... I'll rest tomorrow...

Thurs - I really was determined to rest today!!! :) well.. well.. things are always in the way of my plan... I went home... and actually had nothing in particular.. Just went to fitness.. I got home at around 9 plus... I was going to sleep early... as i've promised myself since 2 days ago... But my sis wanted to watch the new Japanese series ( check
on my blog for the new post on this series!!!) so we watched... I ended up sleeping at 11 plus again... Okay,.. I give up...

So... Today is Friday... it's 11.34 PM and I'm still awake.. altho my eyes aree heavy like they weigh a tonne each!! And yeaaa.. I didn't have an afternoon nap either.. Because I went to see a movie with my friends!! hehe That's just me.. I'll just have to pray hard that my pimples won't come out!!! Pleaseeee.... *__*

GoLF: the most prof sport

Getting tanned. Expensive expenditures. Pressure on patience.

Those are some of the risks of this what seemed to be a sweat-free sport. (personally) Getting the most basic swing right is extremely hard, not to mention mastering the sport. In this sport, I realised that our minds, at times, need to concentrate in keeping an arm (left) straight. Honestly, in 10 trials, I only succeeded less than 5 times in keeping my left arm straight during the swing. Basic swing, mind you. Obviously, my talent doesn't lie in this area...

The heat of the golf course is something that you will need to be able to stand. I don't think there is a single golf player that isn't tanned. (Okay we're not talking about those who doesn't have the genes to have shades in their colour skins.) Frankly speaking, I think the cap doesn't help at all...

Long before I have a go in swinging the golf stick (is there actually a specific name for it?!), I thought the only exercise that the players do in golf is the short, casual walk across the course to get to the next spot. (since for long distances, the players will tend to drive the tiny, toy-like car...)Now, I have a completely different perception of golf. It is a tough game. A game that will definitely toned your arms. Yeah, deltoids, triceps and biceps family...

It is a game that tests your patience. A game that will need you to control your level of strength. A game that certainly needs a lot of practice, accuracy and calculations. Finally, a game that needs talent to master it.

Imagine the small flag located hundreds metres away from you... That's your target. And now you are supposed to swing this golf stick made with specially designed material (which I'm not going into details about...) and hit the white, hard ball... In calculation with the speed of the wind, the spot where the stick hit the ball and the strength you transfer to the ball, the ball have to miraculously land somewhere near the coloured flag. Unbelievable Tiger Woods. *shake head*

In spite of all the risks and level of difficulty, golf, I have to admit, is the most professional-looking sport. You know how in the movies they always try to make a business deal in the golf course? Yeah... probably that's why it looked all so professional and business-like.

In any case, it is still a sport with competitions and trophies. Just like any other.^^

ZiTs AtTaCk!!

I wonder why God created these red spots on our faces... There was a saying that goes,'Everything is created for a purpose.' I wonder what acnes' purpose is?! c'mon... they only make more people turn their heads back at us and murmur some comments... (not compliments, i can guarantee)

Girls. Girls. Girls. I know because I am perfectly one^^
Girls LOVE beauty.
Girls LOVE perfection.
Girls LOVE soft skin.
Girls certainly HATE pimples!! (any disagreements, gals?!)

(4 é guys out there) U might wonder what actually causes these zits to appear? Lemme tell ya...

For me... and I will once more empasized FOR ME... These annoying, itchy, ugly pimples appear before the 'moon' comes... (u knoww...the girls' thing~~)
OR the acnes will appear due to lack of sleep for a few days.

...silence...

okay. I know most of u might be ooohhh-ing and aaahhh-ing at this moment. :o :a
'What does lack of sleep has to do with pimples?!'
'It's just ur feeling!!'
'It's definitely a coincidence...'

I don't exactly have to scientific explanation. But it DOES happen to me!! (not exaggerating. in perfect condition while typing these.) Whenever I slept late for a couple of days and woke up early the next day, I would get a red spot on a specific part of my face. In just a few days, that red spot will turn into a gigantic pimple on my face!! Just great. When that happens, I will keep away my hair as much as possible (of course, looking well is a MUST); touching my face as little as possible and banning anyone (including people who are closest to me) to touch my face.

Yeah. Believe me. Extremity is needed at times like these.

After a week or two, the zit will be completely wiped out!!

*Phew* All the hard work is paid off...

a HoPe wOrtH WaItinG FoR

Darkness. I can't see a thing. Fear is rushing into me. I'm scared.

Questions start to flood within my brain. What if I can't find the way out? What if no one out there can help me get out from this bleak darkness? What if...? What if...?

My head hurts due to the increasing speed of the neurons, bumping in every part of my brain. Questions left unanswered are stinging in my ears. I cannot stand the clamour. I cannot hold the pain...

I ordered my legs to stop walking forward. I have to clear my mind. Rewinding to where it started...

~~~

I am running. 'Too fast! Slow down!' But I can't control it. I am being pulled by a light filled with excitements and happiness. The warning doesn't stop ringing in my ears. I ignore it.

*Bump!* I was on the ground. Or was it floor? By now, the light has switched off to a desperately blinking spot. I'm lost. No idea where to turn, no idea where my destination is.

Got on my feet. Started to take a step. Slowly and precariously this time. Am I doing the right thing?! Will this work out? I'm standing on a unlevel groundings...

~~~

I have to do something. I have to find the exit. No avail. Should I go back?

I am not a risk taker. I will stay in my spot. I will hold on to the memories filled with excitements and happiness. One day. One day when that light starts to shine again. Yes. I will be moving forward. Once again.

But for now. I will hold on to the hope of the past. The promises of the past.

A hope worth waiting for... ^^

...bIrThdAYs...

Presents. Cakes. Cards (with writings that makes ur eyes watery!!). Foods (yummy yummy!!)...

Phew!! Isn't birthday what we've always been longing forward to?! All the suprises, excitements and of course the PRESENTS!! ooo... tell me about it... I LOVE pressies!! Although some of the presents I got may be left untouched for the next 2 years ahead, but still I felt happy whenever I see 'em!! ^^

Today. The 1st August is my lil cute friend's birthday. CINDY!! :)
On this day, she turned 18 years old!! OMG it's the legal age!! congratulations cinn!! :D u can go all over the place now... but BEWARE! drinking can be bad for ur kidneys!! *doctor-like expression* hehe



THe SuRpRiSE...
We (that's me, chintia, zola, surya and francis) were planning to go to her house after uni and arrived before she got home... Unfortunately... she had been planning to go to Puri Mall with her lil sista, Christy. So, we had lunch at this kwetiau place near our uni and surprised her there!! It was rather lame... cos the place wasnt exactly the kind of place u would held a birthday surprise... hehe... but it was FUN!! we took pix and actually ate the cake... (of course, after eating our kwetiaus)

Memories.

Birthdays are full of PRESENTS. CAKES. CARDS. FOODS. But the most precious thing (at least for me) is MEMORIES. It creates a memory that can never be erased in our genius brains.(thanx to the Creator ^^ )

Ahh... WaItinG for Feb... hehe~~

.A Bad Habit.

I'm sure everyone of us has bad habits (at the very least ONE). Whether it's not being able to control ur natural reactions, such as yawning; farting; burbing; etc, or even shaking ur legs when u're daydreaming. For me, it's the 20 little hard materials made of hairs on my fingers. NAILS.

I have tried to get rid of that bad habit since 5 years ago. I seriously tried. Well the first 2 years didn't work. I tried to let it grow till 0.15 cm, but I was nervous one day and started to bite it again. Then, the 3rd year, I succeeded in growing it till 1 cm!! (altho it's only the 2 thumb finger nails) The 4th year, all 10 fingernails grew 0.5 cm and lasted around... err... 1 month?! (okay... let me be honest... it's 2 weeks...) And FINALLY, the 5th year, I finally pat my back and said, 'well done!! Look at ur nails... How beautiful they are...' I even showed it proudly to my mom. (she always said that my fingernails are hopeless...) Then, one day, I decided to cut it short. Just because it's grown too long!! Whenever I lift things up, some of it will be bent and it hurts. Never realising that cutting it short was the biggest mistake!! I got nervous (again) one day and started to play with it. Then the upper layer of the nail started to peel off. (it doesn't hurt, mind u... but it leaves a rough surfaced nail) Great. Just the thing I need. As soon as one fingernail was ruined, one by one, the rest of the 9 followed. In just less than 2 weeks, 4 of my fingernails are short, rough and round looking things. Hopeless. Hopeless.

I always wonder what I like about playing my nails. It hurts and it's hard. Nothing to be fantasized about. But I still do it. At least I don't bite the whole nail off and swallow them... (some people do u know...) I went from biting them off then throwing them to half biting them then peel them off. The worse result is the latter one cos when u peel the nail, they are not evenly done across the nail. So yeah.. u'll end up with a extremely short nail just by trying to even it out.

WARNING! when u're nervous, just put ur hands in the pockets!!

WeLcOMe!!

I had been thinking of making a blog since people started to have ONE... but then i heard (where did I actually heard it?!) that u have to pay for it... so the thrifty me said to myself... ahwell too bad... ^^hehe

thenn... just a few days ago, I received a testimonial in FRIENDSTER (the almighty popular site now... at least for most of the pple I know...) from my sister(not birth sister...but a close one...), i read her blog and was inspired(once again) to make a blog... and this time I did... even if I have to pay for it, I want it!! (of course, there is a limit to how much I would want to pay for it...)
Then it turns out that it was FREE!! so much for the hassle huh?!

so yeah.. basically my blog will not be anything in particular... it'll be just about me writing stuff I feel like writing about at that point of time...
and this blog should be dedicated to all of YOU out there~~ hope it can be a blessing to u guys!!

enjoy!! ~~