ok. i had a fight with mummy. i seriously did. gosh i am seriously feeling like a bad child now. bt some things just cant be avoided. its better for me to let it out now than keeping it in. gosh. i seriously dont know how long this fight will last. mayb its my fault. mayb it isnt. even if your my mum you cant force me to do things that i dont want to. i dont like being force. common. i just want to do things at my own free will and not being forced to. warrgghh.


ellyana is feeling so super ecstatic right now. haha. goodbye MILLENIA INSTITUTE. hello TEMASEK POLY. haha. thnks jannah for seeing the results for me. hehe. i love you so much. at first when i saw the msg from jannah. i didnt dare to open it so i covered and slowly push my palm down n i saw the congrats. so i decided to take my hands off. and continued reading. it goes like this. ' congrats. you are posted to T19 leisure and resort management in tp'. haha. i practically screamed and jump for joy like a crazy girl at the bus stop outside MI. haha. happy larh seh. didnt care about ppl. yay yay. haha. azyan we can go out 2moro. n yes sister we can go shopping for clothes next week. muahaha. happy larh seh. happy sekali. happy banget. happy giler. ok ok. enough.


its two plus right now. bt i still cant get to sleep. arrgghh. i seriously dont feel like goin to school 2moro. thinking about all the lectures we have 2moro. its just to dreadful. gosh. how am i going to survive for the next three years. my life is getting more and more boring each day. it has become a routine. wake up early in the morning at 5. go school. reach home arnd 6 plus 7. spend 12 hrs outside. by the time at home. too tired to do anything. gosh. i havent been doing anithin fun this few days. woah. crapness. seriously hoping that my appeal would be approved bt seriously i dont dare to hope too much. i'll leave it to him. m tired. very tired. bt i just cant get to sleep. would counting sheep works. nt to a million sheeps i guess.


i dunno why. bt this feeling is back. back again. i dunno what it is. bt it is back again. sigh. seriously i am so nt enjoying life right now. ok. i admit that orientation ws fun bt i just dont enjoy it. somehow i just feel that all my hopes and dreams are crushed. be it secondary school or nw. i ws just never given the school of my choice. so dreadful. stupid sia. mayb its fated. everyone is like so happy for me. bt i just cant be happy for myself. mummy is like so ever happy. daddy said that mayb i can find another him there. wth right. bt i lurve my daddy larh. he is like so understanding. we cn even talk to him about our love life. i lurve my prnts for the fact that they arent like any other typical prnts. ok ok. wateva it is i really hope that my appeal is approved. ok. i am like so ever tired. waking up early everyday. i even woke up at 6 today. to used ready. i had to force myself back to sleep. seriously nw i am like hating how my life turned out to be.


oh gosh. what a way to spend valentine. stuck at hm. sick. i havent been this sick for a very very long time. bt why today. everybody ws out. im alone at hm. even had to buy takeout for dinner. so boring. spending vday in bed accompanied by the tv and my phone onlie. suckish right. i know. aiya. bt im to blame. so stop whining ellyana. i cant wait to go out. cant wait for the 19. partly because going out. partly because i cant wait to know the posting result. waiting for the posting result is as scary as waiting for o's result. you dunno where you'll be posted to. pray hard that i'll get my first choice. pls. pls. pls. pls allah pls.


n yes so. what a day. nt boring yet nt fun. sitting at hm really is very boring. so went to help mummy today. like i do everyday. n so there ws this teacher who came to me.

teacher: the teacher said that you were from changkat changi?
me: yes. (ws thinking in my mind like since when did i become the topic of the teachers there.)
teacher: so what class were you from?
me: 4e1
teacher: ouh ok. my sisters are there.
me: really. same batch. what class is your sister from?
teacher: i am nt sure. the are twins. you know of any twins there?
me: (n so i was thinking) orh. isit syairah and syuhada?
teacher: yes. yes. they are my sisters.
me: orh ok.

he shocked me for a moment when he asked if i ws from changkat. i thot what say. skali about his sisters. n so i met syairah's and syuhada's brother. haha. ok. big news. wow ellyana. and so that reminds me of my meeting with my higher mt teacher. this was how it goes.

hmt teacher: you took your o' levels right? so hows your result?
me: ok. nt very good. 15.
hmt teacher: ok larh. bt atleast your hmt cn help you right? minus two points?
me: (in my mind i ws like oh shit) errrr. errrr. i never take hmt.
hmt teacher: why?
me: my school doesnt offer it.
hmt teacher: wasted. if nt can minus two points. n your language is so strong sumore.
me: (smiling at the same time thinking like gosh.)

n so. if she knew that i gt B3 for my malay. i wonder what she'll say. i thnk she'll be very ashamed to once have a hmt student like me. who can't even get an A for nrml malay. haha. ok enuf. n so 2moro is valentine's day. how boring would 2moro be. i've decided and won't change my mind.


ok. seriously i've just woke up. haha. ok. i slept late yest. nearing 6 ok. so its acceptable. so i was skype-ing yest. seriously its ws fun. especially with old mates that you have not met for a long long time. its like meeting them for real. ok. i know ellyana is so outdated. eh. bt you can't blame me for being such a technosaurus right. oh. anw. about the previous post. vday has nth to do with neraka. wrng info. so it cn still be celebrated bt its just unadvisable. so. it cn still be celebrated. so i take back my words.


woah. what a tiring day. bt it was sure bloody bloody fun. nt to mention the sunburns we have all over our bodies. my hand are red. my face is red. my legs. there seems to be colour different between unclothes part and clothes part. n i can even see the shape of my watch on my hand. haha. ok so we went picnicking today. at east coast park. my family and my kuzzin family. so happy meeting them larh seh. we havent met like since ages. i thnk the last time we met ws during hari raya. sad right. so. we had such great fun playing soccer. ok soccer wasnt fun. i don't like soccer. ok. errrm playing ball games. cycling. each trying to cycle from one end to the other. each trying to tumpang one another. n nt to mention falling off the bike. funny much. tiring much. den we shared stories. laugh laugh laugh. camwhore. eat. eat and eat. played games like PIGGY. murderer. concentration. nt to mention the forfeits which is all ended up done by my sis. she ws like whoever looses has to dangdut. so she had a taste of her own medicine. haha. ghost stories. spooky. and so there was this syarahan when they were talking about ghost stories. woah. seriously this is the first time ellyana is so ever interested in syarahans. haha. n so it ws about valentine's day. so my ques came unswered today. islams cannot celebrate valentine's day. there ws like 9 reasonings to it. somethng gt to do with neraka also. scary much right. i never knew that. ellyana is so nt going to celebrate valentine's day animore. hope those past years were forgiven cause i seriously don't know. forgive me allah. anw. i had so much fun today eventhough it was very tiring. i hope we cn have more of these outings. ok kuzzies? gonna miss you guys.

ok. i gt to know this song lately. if you listen carefully. this song is very sad and nostalgic. at the same time it has the feeling of anger in it. the lyrics are very meaningful and this is what mayb that jerk should listen to. here goes the lyrics.

Cintaku Dipermainkan

Tidakkah kau tahu sayang.
Betapa ku sayang padamu.
Kerna kau insan yang ku cinta untuk selama-lamanya.
Tapi disebaliknya apa yang kau berikan padaku kasih dan sayang kini tiada.
Pilunya di hatiku.

Kini kau berubah.
Kau tak seperti dulu.
Mengapa sayang mengapa engkau jadi begini.
Kini aku menyesal menyintaimu.
Kerna cintaku dipermainkan secukup-cukupnya.
Hampalah hatiku dalam percintaan.
Engkau membuatku tidak mahu cinta lagi sayang.

Mengapa engkau permainkan cinta yang sudah kita bina.
Jikalau tak sayang lagi berterus terang padaku.
Janganlah engkau menyiksa aku.
Tak sanggup lagi ku menanggung dugaan cinta yang kau beri terhadap diriku.
Sakitnya hatiku, sampainya hatimu.
Kau tidak melayan diriku seperti dahulu.
Cuba kau rasakan apa yang telah ku rasa.
Kini pasti kau juga akan menyesali cintaku.

Kini airmata pun mula mengalir.
Engkau masih belum berubah.
Engkau tetap sama.
Kini aku meminta maaf kerana hatiku dah tertutup untuk dirimu sayang.
Lepaskan aku, bebaskan aku.
Pergilah sayang, jangan kembali lagi.
Cintaku dipermainkan.

to the jerk. ouh yes. i loved you b4. i really did. bt yes you left me for her. you played with my feelings back then. and yes i ws sad that time. those times we spent together were just too long. you made me lived in misery. i couldn't get over us for like almost a year. n so that i made a poem. yes. specially meant for you. that was what i was feeling back then. maybe i haven't really got to show you the poem. so here it is.

Mengapa

Sayang,
Aku tidak mengerti,
Mengapa harus jadi begini,
Setelah lama kita membina,
Kini kita hanya mampu melihatnya jatuh semula.

Sayang,
Aku tidak mengerti,
Mengapa kau harus pergi,
Dengarlah rintihan hatiku,
Ingin kau kembali seperti dahulu.

Sayang,
Aku tidak mengerti,
Mengapa dirimu berubah hati,
Adakah diriku kau tidak perlu lagi,
Hanya insan itu yang kau hargai.

Sayang,
Aku tidak mengerti,
Mengapa cinta kita kau lupai,
Dimanakah janjimu yang kau beri dahulu,
Terhadap diriku.

Sayang,
Aku tidak mengerti,
Mengapa hatiku kau lukai,
Kenangan cinta kita tidak akan ku lupai,
Apatah lagi dirimu yang bertahta di hati kecilku ini.

so. then. i finally got over us. and then now you come back to my life once again expecting me to accept you back. you think i am feeling happy. what do you take me for seh. i seriously feel like a fool. i feel like laughing reading that stupid poem i made. you so aren't worthy of my tears. bt like i said to you. i was stupid and naive back then. right now. do you think it is that easy for you to step back into my life again. you messed up my life once and i so won't allow you to mess it up again. that song. you should really listen to it. gedit now. what i want to say. so scram. get out of my life. don't pester me again. and trying to make me jealous is so cliche. it won't work on me. eh grow up larh boy. you're 18 for goodness sake. change yourself. change your attitude. you won't find you're happiness this way. seriously being with you back then was really a mistake. i seriously regretted it. this is like the only relationship i have ever regretted. i am sorry but i just can't go out with you nimore. i don't have any feelings for you nimore. it slowly has dissapeared as time pass. my heart has no room for you. so once again. scram. and don't ever come back again.

omg ellyana. stop it. its nt as if he's gonna read ur blog. i really want to say all that to him. bt i just can't put it into words to him. how. how.

i can't sleep. i can't sleep. i can't sleep. warrgghh. i am suddenly craving for ice cream right now. yes i know in the middle of the night. bt my hs ran out of it. my dad finished the last scoop yest. baba. wargghh. yes i can't deny that it is a very nice feeling to talk to him again. bt. i am scared. very scared that history may just repeat itself. i am so confused right now to what should be my next step. naz you gotta help me out here.


warrrggghhh. the pain in my toe is killing me. and so is he. stupid sia. i am supposed to be the most irritating irritatant bt i just can't seem to make him buzz off. he just can't seem to get the idea and understand. omg. bloody irritating. stupid ego of his. hmmph. bt seriously this is nt right. he can't just suddenly appear in my life again aftr like two years and say this and that. its just unreal. mayb i ws stupid and naive b4 bt i definitely would nt be stupid once more. lets just see hw persistant he can get. and we'll see how it goes.


omg. today is officially declared as my bad luck day. first thing first. i fell while i ws sitting on the chair. hw dumb can that be. secondly. while i ws goin down the stairs. as it ws raining thus slippery. i slipped and fell. and i hurt my toe. n my nail ws like practically pulled out. yes i know. ouch. next. i dropped my psp from a very great height and bam. damn it. its spoiled. wargghh. then next i had to listen to that guy crap again. wth. ok ok. enuf enuf. anw. i am so loving muhd syakir and muhd syaqil. they are so bloody damn cute larh. ok. don't get the wrong idea. they are primary one. n they are not twins btw. bt they are both cute as it is.

Uninvited Personnels, Keep Your Comments To Yourself.
Cause I Am Like Oh So NOT Interested To Know What You Are Thinking.

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