hmmph. i really don't understand guys. those words are just said easily by guys. i love you. i wonder if they really mean what they say. i wonder if they actually understand the meaning of those words.

and to you. its nt that easy. no matter how hard you try its still goin to be diff cause i no longer know you. those words are just nthing to you. so easy to be said. sorie. bt nt for me. i don't even have any feelings for you.


now i know how people feel when they say they hate their lives. bt no. i don't hate my life. i love my life as it is. i love my family. they are always there for me. bt i mean you can't possibly share everything with your family. no matter how understanding they are. its just a no no. i really love my life. bt i just don't like some parts of it. ok. i know there isn't such thing as a perfect life in this world. there are ups and downs. bt sometmes i just dunno how to feel when things happen. i can be very happy and crazy at times till i can laugh no more. i can be sad at times till that i don't even have any more tears to cry. i can be angry at times to the extend that i just blame and hate myself for whatever happened. yes. i am supposed to be the crazy, happy, lively, irritating ellyana whom anyone would feel at ease with. whom they can confide in. bt sometimes i just feel that i am lying to myself. and ppl who can lie to themself are lonely ppl. bt i am nt lonely. i mean i have a whole bunch of crazy ppl around me. they just know how to make me smile. bt its just that sometimes when i am troubled i just feel that there isn't anyone to talk to. ok. i know i have my friends. i have my besties. bt sometimes i just can't talk to them. somehow i still feel that there is this thing that prevent me from saying anything to them. i just don't want to add to their burdens cause i know they have theirs. i've always been the one listening and giving advices bt when it comes to myself. i don't even know how to advice myself. and these all brng back to the time when i'm with you. i just feel free. its you whom has always been the one listening to my troubles. whines. cry. woes. i just feel that i can say anithng. in fact prctically everythng to you. i feel very assured. yes so it all started when i broke off with him and you were there for me all those times. you were a stranger that time bt i just told you. so thats when i feel we really can click off cause ellyana isn't usually a person who would tell ppl about her problems. so then was it when we became friends. best friends. confidant. a close confidant to my heart. bt it all change. maybe thats why they say that you can't like your best friend. cause when thngs happen. you might just lose you friendship. maybe it was a one-sided thing on my part. bt i know its nt. you assure me of that. seriously when relations change. expectations do change. i don't even realise when all this fights started. slowly its just like a silent agreement where we feel that we can be confidants no more. three years is long. and i mean very long. mayb we should not like each from the start. then maybe i would not have lost my confidant. the onlie one where i can pour out all my woes to. then maybe i would not feel like i hate like my life. i just feel very dumb right now to have nt forget about you for long long time. it seems like you are very happy with your life right now. a life without me in it. you seem to have forgotten me and move on. i feel very dumb to have been clinging on. no matter how i may like someone else. it just feels diff. is just doesn't feel right. it just seems that i am finding you in that someone. it would onlie hurt me and him more. and it will just nt work out. ellyana. don't be dumb. forget him. you're happy as it is. yes you are. you are that crazy. happy. lively, irritating ellyana.


oh oh. did i say that i found a job. ok larh. nt literally found yet but the say gt vancancy. pray hard that they'll contact me soon. its at airport t3. kidz time. thast the shop name i think. i'll be seling kids stuff. n there is loads of barney stuffs there and thats why i grew to love that shop. muahaha. hehe. it pays quite well too. $5.50 per hour. flexible werking time too. the people there are very friendly too. i'll be damn happy if they accept me.


wooot. its finally over. i finally made my decision and submitted the application. phew. like wow. i am like so fickled over all the choices. mostly my courses gt to do with either psychology or tourism. so. wow. ok. had a very2 long day today. wake up early today to go for breakfast. ok its was brunch actually cause my dad overslept as he watched soccer last night. then we went for grocery shopping which takes mt mum like atleast 2.5 hrs like usual. so bloody damn long. then. went home. my uncle came over and so we decided to go bowling. so we took rasheed from his home and then went to tamp safra happily. and like wth. there was tournament. bloody pissed off. so we decided to go to tanah merah one. n like wth again. there was tournament. warrggghhh. so then we decided to just go to the arcade. played some stupid games. then we headed to just have a car ride. and my dear uncle ws very like wth. he brought us to old changi hosp. like wth. so freaky................that was exactly where i stopped yest at like about 1 plus when i then suddenly felt the tingles which them made me so scared. that i stopped the post halfway. off my comp. n selit next to my sister. haha. ok. ok. continue....................i ws sitting near the window so i tooked my jacket and covered the window for fear that something might just popped up. my bro ws larh lying flat on rasheed's lap and crying. haha. ok. so aftr all those screams he said he wanted to go check out some chalet rates. ok. true enuf there were loads of chalet there. bt them being very evil. actually brought us to the mortuary. wth. we were so freaking scared larh. that onlie nehmind. they then proceeded to the red house. a very big house with tall gates. its so called the haunted mansion. scary larh seh. then next stop. pasir ris park. wargghhh. nth better to do. haha. very long day bt very fun and creepy. my uncles are great larh. love them so.


omg. i am effing tired and sleepy right now. bt the night i still young. i mean i usually am nt sleepy during this time. unless its already 5 plus larh. bt i thnk thnks to mi i had to slp early and wake up early and thats the reason of my sleepyness now. actually i had to wake up darn early today just to make a birthday cake for my dear "bro-in-law", rasheed. arrgghh. my sis wants to surprise him and end up i yg kena make. pfft. ok so i just finished researching on all the 16 courses that i had in mind and wrote down the necessary points. bt yet i am still undecided. ok. i've decided on my first choice though. i'm gonna leave the rest to discuss with my prnts during 2moro family time. my sis done hers already. pfft. so fast. and she doesnt even need to find out more about her choices. tsk tsk. gasak dier larh. ok. i think i am craping right now. oh well. i am tired. and i have to wake up early 2moro for breakfast. mummy. cn i just skip 2moro's breakfast. you guys cn go ahead without me. just brng me back some food. warrgghh. as if that would happen.

he is onlie twenty. he is still young. he's onlie three years older. he's cute too. oh. he's hot larh. he just know how to make me laugh. his stupid lame jokes. i am happy whenever i am with him. he's just too nice and caring. omg. i am starting to like him. i know i shouldn't. bt oh well.


ellyana. ellyana. ellyana. how dumb can you be. omg. onlie god knows how dumb i am feeling right now. warrrggghhhh. i dunno if i should be happy or nt with my results. bt i am so nt sastified with my chemistry larh. like wth. study so hard yet i still failed. and those subjects that i didn't study. i cn actually past. wth right. and to think that i tried so hard to write all those bloody notes until my finger peeled. arrgghh. maybe next time i should just go to exams unprepared. mayb i'll pass.


omg. omg. i solved my own first rubix's cube. i am so bloody the happy larh. it took me about 5 hrs to learn. bt oh well i still solve it. nw i just need to memorize. haha. i am so so happy. ok i know. i am scared. like duh. who isn't scared on the day of the results man. maybe the super clever ones won't be scared larh. bt i know i am not them.so sigh. we'll just have to wait and see.


hmmphh. i am so bloody bored right now. bowling date was cancelled cause the two elders, sis and her beau, had something else to do. pfft. den leave the both us youngers, me and rasheed's bro, behind. pfft. i really wan to beat ridwan. tsk. he won me by one point the other time. so cannot take it. i shall wait for next week. i am so gonna beat him. ok. i am so crapping right nw. i am so lazy to do geog. i am very lazy to go to school 2moro. haiyo.


ok. i shall start with the weekends. weekends were great. reaaly great. i had loads of fun. bowling all weekend bt my hand hurts though. bt goin out with sis and her bf and her bf bro ws really fun. especially when everything ws free of charge. ok. the elders pay whule me the younger siblings just have fun. haha. i'm nt used to be called "adek" though. sis ex used to call me yana for like two years and suddenly the new one called me "adek". weird larh. nt used to him yet. bt they were fun. seriously. they were just funny bustards making fun of someone in particular. haha. funny much. so today's school ws extremely tiring. bt lessons were ok. me and yan had so much fun cam-whoring like nobody's business. stupid pictures of us bt to lazy to upload larh. haha. ok. n ya for the first time. i am so hating pe. hating it much. we had to run around the stadium twice which is like huge and had to do stupid exercises like crutches. jumping jacks. somethign froggy. we almost nearly fainted. like oh gosh. and there were some who almost died. ok. exaggeration. they fainted. wth right. so strenious the pe for what seh. so early in the morning sumore. and my leg muscles is like hurting so much right now. especially my ankle. god knows what happened to it. i am so tired that i don't feel like coming 2moro. especially with gp presentation. wth. bt i have no choice. really. tsk.


pfft. some ppl are really just born rude. there wasn't even any greeting and you just popped out like that asking stupid stuff. n ya. i have a name. a beautiful name indeed. and it is not changkat. stupid. angry seh. argghh. ok. fine. today's tutorials were nt really fun. orhh. we had hair checks just nw. i ws lucky enough nt to be send home cause i managed to cover my hair when the home tutor was checking. i fooled her can. lucky lucky. i i were really sent back. i think i'll withdraw atraight. so we had malay. gp. amd management today. malay ws fun fun fun. first time saying that malay class ws actually fun. the tutor ws damn superb. she's funny and very in teresting. looking forward to the next tutorial. so gp. it ws supposed to be fun as the teacher ws fun. bt he ws like suddenly strict just nw. bt okay larh. bt i seriously don't like gp. i like the teacher though. its onlie the second gp tutorial and we already have an assignment. arrrghh. wth. so management as usual. boring teacher. bt i seem to like the subject. we have group disscussions on CELL just now. we had to present in class. its like i presented too much already during sec school that i don't even feel anything when presenting just now with yan. so. thats all. i guess. school again 2moro. the thought of waking up at 5 is just so dreadful. and nt to mention that i woke up at 5.45 just nw n like late larhh. luckily wasn't late to school or i'll have to be the first to try out the mi detention.


ok. i seriously can't sleep and i don't to sleep bt i think i may just snore off in the end cause i know i am tired aftr like having onlie 2 hrs of slp yest. i wil survive yes i will. or i'll just end up snoring in class 2moro. school ws fun. ok larh. hmmph. econs sucks. bt business management. superb. very nice. i dunno i just find it nice bt others don't. we gt our timetable today. n it its kinda funny. i mean like for each 40 mins class. we have a 40 mins break aftr that. we like have 2 breaks per day larh. n onlie about 3 classes per day. like crap. waste time onlie. bt fun larh. anw. so we were posted to class today. 08B5. the class is like so boring. ppl there are like so nt fun. n there wasn't even a joker. ok there ws one joker. bt the class is like so 4E1 larhh. so goody goody type. oh right. so we are planning to be the most outspoken person in class. most craziest and wackiest. we'll be bad larhh can. haha.

n yes. finally i finished watching my last two epi of 8th korean/taiwanese drama watched during tht hols a moment ago. woohoo. i am trying to create a record here in how many dramas i cn watch during the hols. ok lame ellyana. bt seriously i've suddenly like become a fanatic of all these melodramas. mayb because i have nth better to do larh. n besides wating for it to be shown on channel u will take ages larhh. it wud onlie start showing i've already finish wathing. so slow larh. bt nw i am schooling. i wud be kinda diff bt i already have the next drama in mind. can wait to start watching. i think i'll spend the whole night watching larh.







ok. i've not been blogging for quite some time now. nt only that i've not even on my comp for quite sometime and when i tried to on it just now it just refuses to do so. it must have been sad that i've abandoned it for some time. haha. no larh. i ws ver busy since school started. can say that it was very hectic. tiring. and more. bt one thing for sure that it was fun fun fun. except for it being darn far and i had to wake up early in the morning at 5. thnks to yan for waking me up everday or i will nt be able to wake up. its always my mum waking me up. bt its vice versa nowdays. the first three days of orientation ws quite fun except for all those course and diplomas talk. very the boring that i slept. i love my clan. SIMPSONS ROCKS. i love my OGLs. they rock too. i love my OG group. SIMPSONS 1. we all rock. haha. made quite a few new friends. they are fun. bt they are all so clever. i think i am the dumbest of all. sad. ok. mi is big. it has a stadium. air-conditioned halls. container classrooms. all halal canteen that uses cashcard. gym and tennis courts. and nt forgetting cute guys. right yan. so cool. mayb i would go there for JAE. mayb. just mayb. if i cn get use to all these early mornings and late nights for these 6 wks. lets just see.

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