Bunny goes Hop Hop Hop

Hop, Hop Hop...
I have no idea what I'm doing.

Nyway, Merry Christmas

Bubble gum goes Pop Pop Pop!

I think I will be writing short stories for the fun of it and to help myself get a better grip of things…. But I wanna write about fiction and all things pink and candy-ish…

Owh boy… But I guess it doesn’t hurt to build sand-castles in the air once in a while right?

pfttt…. all I write nowadays are academic writings for assignment. So I don’t care I wanna write about unicorns and lollipops and lovey-dovey stuff and pretend that I’m secretly a kitty cat that lives in candy-land….
*dance around In circles singing Christmas songs*

Caught in a circle, going round and round… searching fanatically for an escape, yet too afraid to leap out when the opportunity arises.

Sometime, comfort is the very thing that holds us back… Habits’s both good and bad chain us, bind us and make leaving the zone a million times harder.

We get stuck, but it’s really time to leap right now. After all, we’re cushioned by him… and he leads us to green pastures… Just leap!

All glory to God and a huge thank you to a certain someone who made me realize about my situation again. It’s only when I’m asked to take up responsibilities that I remembered how badly I need to heal.

But isn’t he great, through his little small ways he helps each and everyone of us… Method no doubt very “weird and unique” but it works perfectly.

And yes. I do realize that this is like the web, so nothing too detail will I expose… Sorry, I’m skeptical like that. But I also do realize that writing is the best anecdote right now. I’ve always had a thing for writing, but never really have the time (and ability :s) to really indulge in it. Yet, this could be the very place where I learn to grow and ultimately heal -through words.

Words are powerful things, it expresses the inner most thoughts of a person in ways that talking won’t do justice… just like music and other creative channels.

It’s 1.15 am and I really ought to hit the sacks, yet I’m sitting right here typing this. It’s not often that I get the mojo to blog, so I really am not going to let this moment pass by just like that.

Looking back on all the posts and blogs that I have, I really tend to blog about sad stuff don’t I? Let’s just end the emo cycle right here… Not stopping but am going to minimize it. But I do wonder, why and what have I been so upset about? I certainly have lots of issues but looking back, haven’t I survived all this years through HIS grace alone?

Speaking of which because of all my issues, I really have sidelined all those wonderful people and relationships. Built a thick barrier and now realizing that the saying “No man’s an island” rings so so true… Really, isn’t it a little too late to be thinking about that now?

It’s not gonna be easy re-integrating back into the world and people I left behind…. And I bet karma would really like to kick my ass till it’s black and blue… but I really want to give it a shot.

Le sigh

After years of carefully crafting and building the invincible wall, you expect to just tear it down and act as if nothing happened??

Yea right... Karma would like a word with you.

How many hearts were broken, relationships cut short, and love wasted
Just so you can leave without turning back... with no hard feelings...

And in the end,
realising that maybe, you wanna stay here??

It's probably pay back time now.

Okay... I'm not happy and I feel bad...

Maybe I shall just sit in a corner and rot.....

And I'm suppose to be on break.....

Owh my gawd..... I wanna just hide in a corner and draw mushrooms till I turn into 1....

And sometimes you wonder if you're the only one who was fooled...

Where's the person who's able to dance from table to table, ranting on and on about something and seeing the smile of people's face... The same person who enjoys solitude and can sit alone in a cafe reading a book, ignorant to her surrounding and the face-less people passing by.

Where's the person who dreams big and aims even higher... who's willing and able to claw her way up if she wants something bad enough...

Or the ice princess who is cool, calm and collected to the point of being emotionless in every situation... the good, the bad and the f*ck...

The person who acts and talk like a 31 year old when she was 13...

Or the person who couldn't careless about anyone as long as she focused on living... Absolutely no one and nothing else matters.... except herself.

I see her slipping away.... bit by bit... her thoughts in a tangled up mess... the more she tries to hold on to her memories, the more she falls into a deep dark pit of endless misery...

Past memories are not meant to be hold on to... at least not the ugly ones, but it's the only thing that reminds her of who she was, or wants to be....

Because at present she's losing all of these... and it scares her to death.

The again she wonders.....

How did she become that person? It's there deep inside a corner of her head... And she refuse to remember them... at least her heart tries not to...

The moment when you just wanna crawl into a corner and just rot.....

Ceasing to exist.....

Xoxo...

Blair: As long as I’m with you, I’m Hilary in the White House. And I want to be Hilary, Secretary of State. But with better hair.

( Gossip Girl, Season 4)

Well said Blair.... That's why you're my favorite character in Gossip Girl.

Humans are such complex and illogical beings.

In the past when trouble is your companion, you wish to get rid of it once and for all...

Trade in everything for peace and serenity...

You thought you could live a life of quietness

Yet when trouble cease to exist,

you secretly long for it...

The drama, the tears, the adrenaline rush...

Well maybe, just maybe...

The rocky path is the very ingredient,

Like walking on eggshells...

It's the one thing that keeps you awake...

Coz if you don't, you'll fall off and drown.

I loathe the person that I'm slowly becoming....

Hence, Let's kill her once and for all...

Before she has a chance to transform into that being...

I would never allow myself to lose the edgy-ness in me...

I would rather die than become that person who drowns slowly in the pool...

Either swim or just suffocate urself

Random ramblings...

Can't believe I'm doing this but...

Apparently, it looks like I'm being a lot more involve with my emotional side lately. For one, I think I'm starting to pay more attention to the people around me nowadays. I mean, Who would have thought that I would actually make an effort in contacting and trying to save friendship(s)....

The "me" 2 years ago wouldn't have believed it, in fact, I think she would roll her eyes and laugh at your face...

But it's true.

Lately, I've been thinking that I really am losing people around me because all these years I couldn't careless about people. My life motto was friends and family come and go, just make new ones... But now, I kind of miss the bond I have with some of my old pals...

I really can't believe this is happening to me. Not the part about losing old friends, but the part where I actually care and feel it... My gawd, age is really catching up with me...

I'm actually glad that no one reads this blog anymore. Hence, I get to ramble all I want. I keep a blog instead of a diary because I tend to lose stuff and you can't possibly lose an electronic webpage, so yeah. A blog it is.

Amazing how your brain tends to over-work during the holidays out of sheer boredom... It makes me daydream and think about things in my life... and to be intact with reality really scares the hell out of me. All this years I've been living in fantasy land and denial as a form of defense mechanism... But lately, I think I'm able to see reality as it is...

Reality is not nice.... but I guess I'm coming to terms with things...

Anyway, I've been really miserable for years because I've always been focused on the future...

Failed to observe the present as now and a gift....

So, I know it's the 3rd quarter of 2011 and hardly the right time to make resolutions but I pledge to be more involve with living in the present and try to be happier... It's just a matter of perception. Happenings don't determine how happy you are rather it how you perceive it that determines your state if mind.

So, I pledge to see the cup as half full instead of empty...

Yet another post of the day....

I'm doing a double post because I really don't want to study....

Signs of old age....
I can't remember facts and theory as much as I do in High School.
Signs of old age....

Oh no!!

Anyway, I need to bury my head in 19 chapter worth of Advertising.... My goodness...
Oh hi, Intro to Mass Comm...
No, apparently I haven't forgotten about you....
Yes, Yes... I'll dive into you soon.

Sigh.... apart from that, College has been blissful.
I'm happy.... and since I'm so upset about missing out on the fun in High school.... I'm gonna strecth myself thin during college... I ain't no missing out on no fun no more....

Anyway, on a more emo tone....
I am an emo writer BTW.... so don't complain.

Coming to college made me realise I'm not that good anymore...
I've always been above average in grades and stuff like that... But now, I really think I should improve myself...

Suppose to submit an entry for an essay competition... but I missed the dateline.... WHY oh WHY, Ginny!!!!

It must be because of KUMON... the kids are so smart there, I feel intimidated. But I still love them, they're an adorable bunch....

I have "the" long awaited 2 month holiday later in Nov and Dec....
and I've made a concious decision to not travel so much and stay home to work on my shortcomings....
I really shouldn't go on living my life half full...
It's also a certain subject that I took this semester... It made me aware about the fact that I need to put in more effort, coz I ain't gonna just sail through without failing...

Yes, apparently studying in 5 Alfa made me a little kiasu... which is good in my case coz I normally just couldn't careless....

Anyway, on a more happy side, I am going to Hong Kong again....
And I'm gonna shop, shop and shop!!!!
Really, months of not dressing up is making me sick....
I can't believe myself!!!
For the past 12 months I've been parading my face buck naked without no make up....

I'm ashamed! and Horrified!!

Oh no....

Anyway, I'm gonna hyave to take time out to re-analyse this year's trend before I go shopping...

Api dan keinginan untuk besolek saya sudah membarak semula... (does it make sense)
I guess my BM just went *poof* after SPM....

Owh... 7 minutes behind my studying schedule.... I'm late! I'm late... Off with my head....
Just kidding.... you didn't think I'm that nerdy, did you?!
Oh maybe I am.... Teehee

A year worth of rant...

It's been more than a year since a last updated... I bet no one will be reading it now, hence I can rant to my heart content...

Time flies by, without realising, it's been a little more than a year already. In this short 12+, many have changed... without realising, I've become this being that even I am unable to comprehend... It could be for the better or worse...

Dreams and ambition that I've cherished for years suddenly feel so foreign and insignificant... Maybe I've grown up, maybe I just creased to notice them anymore...

More importantly, I'm starting to feel like a complete different being....

But I guess it doesn't matter, does it? We're obviously a entire different being from what we are when we're kids or in primary school.... Things change, we just fail to notice them...

Talking about school.... I miss high school... Recently I'm becoming more and more depressed and dismayed about the things I did not do in high school...

I blame it on shoujo manga.... read to much and it pollutes your mind making you think, breath and talk unreasonably.... But really, I do miss the times when I was able to skip class and laugh at people jumping over the fence while being chased by teachers, and the various mischevious act that I get into.... Yes, even the sisterhood stick that makes no sense at all...

I'm definetely going to demand that our high school gang meet up soon... I miss them to bits...

See, can believe I'm saying this right.... The ice queen from 1 year ago wouldn't have missed anyone... In fact I didn't, until recently....

What is puberty doing to our brains???!!! I demand an explanation....

Oh wait, I'm not even in that growth period anymore....
dang!!!!