'in order to succeed, do not always follow in the path of others'

this is the motivational sentence on the poster at the head of my bed. w a nice sunrise/sunset beach background. n i tink i really need it to remind me constantly to strive to succeed in whatever i do.

was clearing my room n am still clearing it now. didnt go to sch todae becoz i m suffering from an allergic reaction to dun noe wat. was running a fever till this morning. n diarrhea too. maybe i shld juz dun eat. everytime like tt wan. sumhow i muz be allergic to sum reallie common food stuff or else how can i always hav allergic reaction wan? n i hav rashes on my face! urghz! n e medication is making mi feel vry drowsy. sighz.

aniwae back to clearing my room. so i was sorting all e cards, notes, presenz etc tt i had received over the past 2 yrs or so. was taking the time to read sum of them. n reading them reallie made mi feel betta and appreciate myself more. sumtime we reallie need others to tell us wat gd qualities we hav when we lose faith in ourselves n i m reallie thanxful for all e frenz i hav. n i guess i do need to give myself some credit lahz. but not too much or else my head will become reallie big! wahahaz.

to my junior(s) who are feeling insecure now. i juz wanna sae tt sometimes it's vry scary when u face the uncertain future. you may harbour certain dreams n aspirations. n in ur pursuit of them. you will face alot of challenges. doors will be shut rite in front of your face. pple will take advantage of ur gullibility and your desperation to prove yourself. you will find urself restricted by circumstances. you will find yourself w regrets. you will find yourself questionin whether your decision is sound. you may even find yourself bitter about opportunities that are wae out of your league. but i learn tt e more pple dun give you the chance, e more you muz prove them wrong.

so even if you dun get wat u wan in e future. u still have time to fulfill your dreamz. u will onli be 19 or 21 when u start ur tertiary education. it's gd to hav plan b. c. d or even e when plan a fails to work. but e most impt thing is to know wat u wan in life. wat u wan to do w ur life. n if u reallie want it badly enough. u will be willing to suffer n sacrifice to achieve tt.

dun tink abt it too much now. concentrate on ur a levels. nobody can predict e future. but as long as u did work hard. u will get sumting in return. n remember tt. u dun need to go w e flow. sumtimes taking a longer route mean tt i get to see more. experience more. learn more and understand more.

n to my frenz who are facing possible exhaustion like me. though sch term juz started recently. juz remember tt i m always a phone call awae! wahahaz. sound so cliche but i mean it ok! when exhaustion set in n u realised tt u cant overcome it urself. ask sumwan to help u. ask sumwan to remind u wat u set out to achieve. wat kind of person u r. wat qualities u possess.

in my case. i forget tt i m proud of myself. maybe not my a level grades. but my determination to pick up a new instrument w no musical background n not much external help. in e end i didnt achieve e goal tt i set for myself but i m proud of myself for coming so far. e scar on my rite little pinkie serves as a reminder to myself tt sumtimes. no matter how well u plan. accidents n setbacks will happen. n at tt pt of time. no matter how tough it is. u muz juz braze ur wae thru head on. becoz no wan can help u if u dun help urself. n as long as u help urself. it doesnt matter if no wan help you.

i live a life w meaning. n i m proud of myself becoz of it.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 4:38 pm

sent boon2 n yang ge lin lin off to US yesterdae nite. to show you how pre-occupied i was with my life is e fact tt i didnt noe tt they were leaving singapore till 7 plus yesterdae evening. when nan xiao called me as i was dozing in the mrt on my wae back home. i was so shocked tt i woke up completely and was literally screaming into e phone. n i was in a frenzy becoz i thot i wun make it in time. since i reach home at 7.50pm or so. ate dinner as fast as i could. get out of e house at 8.20pm. waited for e bus to e airport for 15 plus mins. bus ride took ard 55 mins to 1 plus hour. thus by e time i reached e airport. it was 9.35 pm.

felt so guilty becoz i didnt get aniting for them. nt even a card. felt reallie guilty. sighz. coz i wun be seeing them for a yr or so n i m close to them esp boon2. my fav walking textbk genius fren since nanyang daes. n while chatting w e rest of my ny clique who turned up. i realised tt quite a few of my classmates frm rj n ny had alrdy left to further their studies namely. gorgeous. yan ru. wang yang.

i muz make it a pt to send my fren off. as long as their flights dun clash with my timetable. n for a few daes. i m basically going to camp at e airport since i hav frenz leaving in e afternoon and another wan at nite. i guess i was so caught up w my own life tt i neglected my frenz. sighz. sorrie dears. reallie sorrie. so pple. if u r leaving rite. n u happen to see this entry. pls pls pls sms me and tell mi ur flight time ok?

n changi airport used to be my fav place b4 ipho. after ipho. i dun reallie like it liao since every time i m there i m there to send pple off. seeing pple go is nt a vry nice feeling ba. but at least i will still be seeing my frenz when they return to singapore for their breaks or attachments. unlike e delegates...

n juz in case u r wondering wat happen to me (as seen frm e previous entry). well...noting much lahz. pple entitled to be abit melancholic at times rite? we hav our highs n lows. i cant possibly be high foreva. though it appears like tt to alot of pple. but i will feel tired at times also. sumtimes pple who r always high n smiling might be those who r e most tired. becoz u noe tt u r needed there to keep others' spirits up n to assure others that everyting will be fine. also u r there to cheer them up when they r down. so in a wae. u do need time to calm down n spend time with yourself. heez. i m fine really. i m juz abit lost. lose sight of wat i wanted. wat i set out to achieve. n at times i reallie feel tt i dun noe who i m. hahaz. ok enough of contradictory ideas. i m sane n normal. heez.

sch work has started to build up. n in fact. i do enjoy my french lessons thus far. hahaz. except tis wk i hav tons n tons of french homework. oopz! i hav alrdy formed my groups for all my modules n project presentation n analysis are all coming in. i do hope everything will go smoothly.

n i guess tt's all. remember pple. if u r leaving do send mi an sms. u shld noe how forgetful i m so pls pardon mi. yupz! tt's all for now.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 6:06 pm

i believe in miracles.
but i dont believe that it will happen to me.

i believe in dreams.
but i dont have the faith n courage to fulfil them.

i believe in the will of people
but i doubt my own determination.

i believe in being practical and realistic.
but i am an idealist at heart.

i believe in fighting for opportunities.
but i was never a fighter.

i believe in the strength of the mind.
but i am a coward in life.

i despise liers.
but i feel like one at times.

i am an extrovert.
i keep alot of secrets.

i like to surround myself with people.
i like to hide in some isolated corner n do nothing.

i like to think and plan.
i like to do things on impulse.

i am a perfectionist.
i never do a single thing right.

i like knowing what i want to do with my life.
i hate knowing that i failed to do so.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 11:31 pm

aniwae. i re-read my previous entry n i realised that i sound reallie incoherent. hahaz. sorrie pple. was too 'excited' n 'happie' that i m starting sch. or i shld said started sch tt i juz cannt form complete sentences in my mind. if my rjc gp tutor. mrs eunice toh is to read the previous entry. n see how mani 'linking phrases/words' tt i used wrongly. i m bound to receive a scolding frm her. since she always stressed on using 'connectors' in our gp essays. sighz. which i certainly/hundred percent guaranteed+chopped tt i flunked during A levels or else wat explains my dismayed grades?

out of pt. aniwae. i m here to describe my 'happening' n 'interesting' first wk in sch. w a nice public holidae rite in the middle of e wk (becoz it is singapore's birthdae on 9 August) thus no lessons on wed! yeahz! but that was before i read this small paragraph on my thick set of tutorial notes for AB112 aka marketing module tt there is a make-up lecture on fridae frm 4.30 pm to 6.30pm. which is seriously gross lahz! i was informed tt business is vry slack. n it's true tt business is vry slack as compared to other courses. since i enjoy a 4 dae wk (mondae dun need to go to sch!!!) but... i dun like to end late! esp on fridae coz it's wkend! time to play!

erhz...actuallie no. hahaz. coz e eva clever/intelligent/act-intelligent/genius me. has decided to take up basic french as one of my mani un-restricted elective in order to fulfill my academic units (AU) requirements to ensure tt i m able to graduate smoothly frm ntu 3 yrs down e rd. n e onli slot tt i can find n fit into my timetable n has vacancies when i registered was the slot with lessons on tues n fri. frm 4.30 pm to 6.30 pm. becoz i wasn't singaporean enough aka kiasu enough aka afraid to lose enough to camp in front of the computer n register for e electives once the system starts operating. n becoz of tis. i cldnt take e basic german i wanted n hav to settle for french. which i hope will nt be too difficult. coz i dun wanna flunk my university grades. remember pple! my aim in ntu is to become the most hardworking student in the whole sch! n to mug aka study like nobody's business!

but tis proved to be reallie hard. coz i was practically sleeping thru all e lectures i had in e wk. hahaz. pai sehz lahz. e stats lecture was reallie quite bad. becoz stats is no1. boring. n no2. e lecturer is nt tt great a lecturer. so he was reallie persuading mi to sleep via the wae he lectured. so for 2 hours. i suffered frm guilt becoz i was sleeping when i noe i shldnt be!

e next 2 hours was slightly betta. becoz e econs lecturer is betta than the stats lecturer. n i didnt reallie sleep much. heez. partly also becoz i m quite worried abt econs since i nv take it in rj. so...yahz. muz make sure i understand everything tt's going on. n i m pretti satisfied with my learning pace for econs. heez.

but e lecture theatre is reallie freezing can. freezing. even though i enjoy cold atmosphere (has nothing to do with lame jokes or bad humour) n my father fondly call mi 'the polar bear' but camping inside the lecture theatre for 4 full hours is no joke ok. e onli gd thing abt this wk is tt we hav no tutorial so i dun need to rush to my stats tutorial immediately after e lectures. or else it will be a full 6 hours block of study wout rest! urghz! which is wat going to happen on tuesdae! urghz!!!

fridae's lect on organisation behaviour (ob) was putting me to sleep too and i had to rely on others to constantly waking me up and i felt quite pai sehz. heez. but e following make up for marketing lect was ok lahz. juz tt e lecturer keep on suaning/jacking/nuaxing e SMU pple. i was quite amused lahz. hahaz. hmmz. there muz be sum arguments/unhappiness between the lecturer n SMU (Singapore Management University). but i do enjoy his anedoctes though becoz of his mani stories. he cldnt finish the lecture. hahaz.

n i can safely sae tt studying in ntu. i climbed more stairs in 3 daes than what i would have done in a mth usually. i m serious. where eva i go. i will be climbing stairs. up. down. up. down. up. down. n the list goes on n on n on n on. i m currently suffering frm muscle ache juz becoz i was climbing e steps n conquering hill slopes every single dae. not once. not twice but alot of times!!! at e rate i m going. i reallie tink i may slim down u noe. hahaz.

n i juz spent 153 bucks on my textbks. sighz. n they are all freaking heavy lahz!!! n huge n thick n full of words n telling mi nt to read them! urghz! i muz study them! i muz do my tutorial! i muz be a hardworking n brilliant student tt i always wish i was in rj! i muz do it! i muz...

n to provide sum breathing space for me among all the sch-related stuff is ipho bus 2 pple! met up w zhang xin n li zi on national dae to go...shoppin. hahaz. tis is so dotz. but e company is great! yeahz! n on fridae. after a hectic mad rush. met up w zhang xin (again) n si mi lu to dine by the singapore river. hahaz. vry romantic rite? if u ignore the mani smokers ard. e insects/cockroaches/weird crawlies crawling around you on the floor. e fact tt u r eating take awae macdonald's set meals. e fact tt u r sitting on the floor. then it's reallie romantic! hahahaz. but i managed to be cinderella! aka reach home before 12 midnite on fridae. n i m vry proud of myself! hahaz.

n i went for NUS rag dae todae. gosh. it's freaking freaking freaking hot lahz! no. i m nt toking abt e dancers' bodies (since i m wae too far to see how toned their abs were or wateva) but e weather. n standing in e sun for a few hours is no joke! didnt manage to see alot of pple which i wanted to see. but nonetheless i managed to see some pple. heez. e.g. my dear xiang2! who use white paint to paint on my hand. faintx. n tang guo! n soon kueh! n li zi! yeahz. n e floats r reallie nice n elaborate! can c e amt of effort put inside lorz. too bad NTU dont hav. sighz. but we shall nt copy nus later pple sue us for copyrite arhz! n my nus bus 2 pple always like to niaox mi for studyin in ntu. ok lorz. more pple more powerful lorz. i alone also can fight! hmphz!

met quite a few ipho ntu pple lahz. was happily hanging out with them. hahaz. n i m considering wat ccas i shld join. but those i m interested seem to be a fairly expensive cca which most prob i cant afford lahz. i will c how first.

erhz tt's all for now lahz. dun noe wat else to write. except. sighz. i juz dun wanna study!!! :(

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 11:44 pm

how do u noe if u r e blurest person on earth?

when u believe that this wk is orientation week n sch will onli start next wk. tis is correct for e nus pple but not for e ntu pple e.g. me!!! oh my goodness! seriously. i didnt noe tt my sch has alrdy started todae until eunice told mi. n wat's e reason behind my blurness?

simply becoz i remember that e first wk of august is e orientation wk for ntu freshmen. n due to e fact tt last wk. mondae is 31 july. i thot last wk is still hols n tis wk is orientation wk. while e correct thing shld be. last wk is orientation wk n tis wk is my first semester!!! if nt for eunice. i will still be under e illusion tt sch starts next wk. goodness! n my first lecture is 2molo at 8.30 am. dotz. n i hav alrdy printed my notes. sighz... sch is here!!! *reluctant acknowledgement* n i still haven clean up my room yet! urghz! i need to do it soon...

n partly also becoz i refused to tink abt sch lahz. n e last contributing reason is that 2dae we hav a nanyang business school (nbs) welcome thing which is vry similar to orientation except tt it's conducted in tutorial grps n nt orientation grps. n thanx goodness for it becoz i dun noe aniwan in my tutorial grp. all/almost all of my frenz in nbs r in accountancy. i feel so left out! dotz. but my class is reallie a mix of pple. frm jc to poly. yupz. n i realised tt business rite. e course itself is so different n foreign frm aniting i had studied in e past 6 yrs. frm nygh all e wae to rjc. i took triple science n maths. econs was nv a part of my studies n now it plays a vry impt role. sighz. but my tutorial gp is quite crazy type which i m vry thanxful for. coz...hahaz. i wun stand out like a sorethumb! everyone is reallie funnie n nice n i finally laugh hysterically in occassions tt hav notin 2 do w ipho. but i definitely still miss my bus 2 pple. e spastic stuff tt we do. e lame jokes tt were shared.

n my aim to be antisocial juz didnt come true lahz. hahaz. sorrie. but i dun noe wat cca to join lehz. hmmz. i m so lazy to do things...n summore i m nt staying in hall/hostel. most prob wun be able to get into wateva committee wan. so...maybe i shld juz continue to slack lahz.

n everytime i walked past aniwhere in ntu tt is linked to ipho. i will feel tis sense of loss n longing. n it doesnt help tt i will pass by nanyang auditorium n tt lecture theatre where we were hijacked on e national dae preview. n when i entered ny auditorium n looked down to e grd level. e place where all e countries stood w their boards while waiting for opening ceremony. i feel realle nostalgic. reallie. it's as if i can see where my delegates were standing. where i was standing. n pple ard mi. tt's bad. sighz.

will tok abt e appreciation dinner later on. when i upload e photos. n when i hav e time. i shall get back to my ipho experience. which is still at dae 1 now. hahahaz.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 9:10 pm

arhz. new entry again! i tink i will nv get down to blog my ipho experience. sighz.

aniwae we went kite flying at marina south. yesterdae. n i brought my winnie the pooh kite. which is not mine actually. but it belongs to my junior (selene) who left it in my possession. hahaz. so i met up with soon kueh aka chin soon. liz aka li zi. pam aka zhang xin. alexis. mabel (e netherlands slo) n xinyi (mexico slo) while mandy (argentina slo) n chernise (cslo) joined us at a later time.

we decided to start flying the kites instead of playing the frisbee. and since my kite seem to be e most professional. soon kueh and i decided to have a go at it while mabel and alexis handled e S$3.50 kites they bought from a nearby store.

but e 2 of us cant seem to get the kite to fly high enough nor long enough. but our dear nigeria slo refused to give up n he kept on running around the soccer field. attempting to 'force' or 'persuade' the kite to fly for a longer duration but to no avail. here is a video of him running...



so for the rest of the day. which is around 3 hours or so. if he is not sitting on our picnic mat or playing frisbee. he is running around the field. pulling the kite with him. n even when the rest want to go for dinner. once he feel that there is a gust of wind. he will take out e kite n start 'training' the pooh bear kite to fly again. n again and again... n lizi is harbouring this idea of persuading him to join the nus cross country team since he like to run so much! wahahaz.

but unfortunately. we didnt enjoy much breeze today. so obviously all his attempts failed. while those S$3.50 kites flew into e sky beautifully. hmmz. so high in the sky tt alexis' kite flew off... n we were talking abt how hilarious it will be if a person is wishing for a kite. then suddenly. his kite dropped right in front of that person...hahahahz.

aniwae soon kueh came up with quite a few number of explanations as to why the pooh bear kite failed to stay high up in the sky with one of his most serious expression.

reason no. 1: this is because pooh has been eating way too much honey that resulted in all the honey pots on the kite to be empty. and since he has been eating wae too much. therefore his weight has increased drastically (unlike another slo of our bus who doesnt gain a single ounce even though he eats alot too) and has rendered him unable to fly.

reason no. 2: this is because pooh keep on thinking that he is a bear (which is the truth. since pooh is really a bear). since he is on the kite now. he must remind himself that he is a bird. a bird that can fly. if not. the kite will not fly...

reason no. 3: this is because there are too few bees drawn on the kite. with so little bees flying on the kite. the amount of propelling force is wae too little for the kite to stay high above the sky for long.

n lizi came up with the perfect solution! i was asking her which famous cartoon character is a bird...n she replied. Tweety Bird! which cant fly well too. hahaz.

therefore at the end of our kite-flying session. we declared n crowned soon kueh as Pooh's personal trainer aka ppt. his determination is one we should learn from. hahaz.

we went for dinner at e steamboat/hotplate place nearby after that. and hav a great time screaming when e LIVE prawns which we are supposed to bbq/fry on the hotplate started to jump/damce around on the hotplate or in their container. and one even landed on the floor near chernise and me. faintx.

but our 2 'prawns gurlz' who undertook the task to start cooking the prawns seem to hav the most encounters/contact/shock with the jumping/dancing prawns. and they r none other than xinyi n mandy. wahahaz. n they ate alot of e cooked prawns too. heez. which chernise n zhang xin dun dare to touch becoz of e horrifying wae they died.

n i muz definitely mention our sadist-vet-to-be. mabel! oh my goodness. tt reminds mi next time i m going to eat seafood to bring her along. coz she is so cool n calm when e prawns jumped into her plate. she juz used her chopsticks to hold tt 'fighting' prawn on the hotplate until the prawn gave up struggling. n she happily told her abt her training for IBO (International Biology Olympiad) a yr ago. how she dissected a snail etc. e wae she said it was so...sadist that mandy declared that she will nv send her dog to mabel for checkup etc. wahahaz. it's so funnie. heez.

n we 'forced' alexis to eat a century egg which according to xinyi taste vry chemically produced. eekz! but i muz sae i hav a great time yesterdae! n hopefully we can meet up soon again...reallie looking forward to saturdae's appreciation dinner. coz i can finally see wan ju!!! our potential president scholar! hahaz.


us b4 dinner and after pooh's training. wahahaz.

i believe in miracles becoz i would be much happier if i do @ 2:58 pm