She did what

I finally told my boss that I will be leaving end of January but not everyone. I don't know why but I actually want to leave quietly. The need to get away from the bad crazy to the drama is real bad. The unwanted expectations, negativity and criticism (some are constructive). For constructively criticism, I do hear them but I do need a bit of time to change but since I can be stubborn, I wouldn't change the way I feel or think.

That brings me to a point of being called slow. I have heard this so many times that on certain occasions I do not know why am I so affected by it. I never got it why I cannot do certain things at my own pace. Being 'slow' is one of my shortcoming but making me do things faster is not going to help. If I were to list out the things that I do that is slower than average, you will know why I have been called lazy as well. I could speed up to above average or average but I guess I love things to be perfect and in order which is why do things slowly. Nothing wrong with that because I love being different and weird.

Back to watching Overload and numb my brain 😂 I love to pretend to be blur because it's so fun. Afterall, it is better to have your opponents underestimate you than to think ahead of you.

Be bold
Be fearless
And stay true to yourself

XOXO,
Michelle

Sleep and Sleep

Decided to do an update while Grumpy is lying down in the room for a while so this shall be a quicky.

Another off day spent sleeping. I swear I gave up on not sleeping this much on my off day. 

There is nothing much to update about. I work A LOT. The next 2 weeks I will be spending at least a 105hours. It is so crazy when people thinks my job is easy. Sure I don't have the usual stuff but recently I am handling part admin, logistics and HR. Not forgetting I have to face humans the whole day. I really don't mind the nice ones but I cannot stand the ones that have too many comments and stupid questions. 

If my boss comes down, she comes down. Why do people thinks she reports to me? Like how I know when she will be down *rolls eyes* Since when the bosses reports to their staff? For me PAs and secretaries do not count as I feel like they need to know when and where their bosses are.

Better end this quick before Grumpy comes out.

Stay happy and healthy.

XOXO,

Michelle

It has been a while

Welcome back to the dead blog of Michelle *cues awkward claps* 

It has been so long I have forgotten that this silly blog still exists.

Typing out this post has probably been the longest it has taken me compared to all the other posts. I have no idea what to type since my brain is in a mess. Guess I will just vomit out what comes to my mind first.

2016 overall was great except I had way too many drunken nights mostly because I always let my emotions get the better of me and I let myself ballooned (I WAS SO FAT). Mid 2017 to around September 2018 was just a nightmare. During that period I completely lost myself. I couldn't deal with the accusations, heartbreak and especially with people telling me how I should live my life. It was so bad that I just let the influences of others change the way how I wanted my life to be. The ironic thing is that 3ish years ago I posted that regardless of how big or small the matter is, a person should be able to have control and decide what he/she wants to do with their lives. I was a complete wreck. Not sure if anyone could tell but I was so miserable. Either way I got blamed for a whole bunch of stuff.

Being told by the person that I love that I never done anything for him to love me more just made things worse (this happened in 2017 November). I never recovered from the trauma. The words still haunts me today. Being told I was never good enough/why I can't be better since I was young until now has taken it's toll. 

With 2018 coming to an end really soon, I figured it is time to 'fix' myself. Have the old bubbly and spontaneous Michelle back. I wanted to say crazy but we all know she is has this good fun crazy. The whole 'New Year New You' is just rubbish because if you are not going to change, NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

Always stay true and believe in yourself. Stay happy stay healthy.

XOXO,

Michelle

PS: Will try to blog/post more often (I have been saying this for years but it almost never happens)