hostile work environment at hand....

What I have always suspected, has actually now become a reality... When I moved to my new work position in the Los Angeles area, the type of people I work with has a different way of looking at life than I do.  I've blogged about this work location and the first comment from those where I came from to me being "watch your back" and how I didn't even know what that could mean.  The first supervisor I worked under here "B", he was basically a "get along" kind of guy who in order to have a happy workforce, let them run the show. He gave in to some ridiculous practices that allowed using more days off than you had coming in your benefits package, and the theory of "you just tell me what you need"... Well he was moved out of our building 2 months after I got there, I was glad. A new supervisor "K" was promoted was once a mechanic in this building, and he struggled with being management and no longer an hourly kind of friend/supervisor, at the beginning.  But since he transitioned he has now got a bullseye on him. What Bob left in the wake was a work force that "liked things the way they were done before" and so it has been a somewhat difficult period of time for change to be brought into play, and then to get them to understand that "the old way no longer exists" because it was wrong and "you either get on board or you will encounter discipline and/or lose your job"..  There behavior is very much like an honery child who doesn't fear the discipline or just waits till you hand it out and then they whine trying to get out of it.. ugh..

With consistent discipline foreighn to there sensibilities, they have become hopping mad, pointing fingers, trying to get away with the same practices and absolutely livid when they are disciplined.  Over and over again, the shop steward uses the phrase "we liked the way we used to do it" or "if you would just wipe every ones slate clean before you start the new way of doing things."  Huh, well that's not going to happen, just come to work unless you are absolutely vomiting, or bleeding severely.  One employee has 8 sick days a year, and this employee record has probably been off sick 50 times, it's almost uncountable.. it was along time before we finally convinced him to get F.M.L.A.  (family medical leave act) as he claims his diabetes pain in his feet are the reason he takes off so much. FMLA gives him two days a month to call in for two days (total of 4 days).. and trust me he uses them.  But for the entire year of 2011 when there was a holiday on a weekend, he would take one or two days prior and one to two days following the holiday.. Except for this past Friday before New Years. And why might that be, because he was written up for a 3 day suspension for just that reason early in the week, and his next occasion would be a written warning and than firing... So he as usual promised he'd do better, I'm trying, blah blah blah..   I met him in the hallway on Friday and shook his hand and thanked him for making the improvement so quickly and being a valuable part of the team.  He laughed and said, what is it Friday and I forgot what day it was... He's actually a funny guy who jokes around that he's the hardest working employee we have and so on and so on... Keeps him going I guess..

So anyway, there are 17 porters/housekeeping employees, and their are perhaps 4 that do not play these games listed above. (surprising huh?)  There are 8 mechanics and 1 of them lives with one of the porters, they share his hers and ours kids. They make progress, a disciplinary occasion will expire and then they add another one.  The two of them together are each our worst offenders always at the point of "suspension just before losing their jobs" for violations and considered the worst in the district.. Quite a dubious honor if that's what your after in life.  It's a frustrating part of the job that increases paperwork, and the constant difficulty in keeping the building clean  and operating for our dept without enough employees to cover the workload. 

So anyway, before Christmas we had a potluck where one of the mechanics smoked tri tip and we all contributed a dish, and we were invited and participated...
                                       

This week, they planned their own potluck on Friday for New Years perhaps or another excuse to not work, and didn't invite us, so we weren't aware they were having one.  The mechanics supervisor "K" called over the intercom for a specific mechanic "J" to come to the office, he needed him to do a specific job of posting a parking Circle of Honor sign in the employee parking lot.  The mechanic "J" comes into the office and as it's being explained what he needs to take care of, this mechanic asks the supervisor  "K" if he can talk to him in the managers office... Later after "J" had left the office, the supervisor "K" tells me that this mechanic "J" had gone to the potluck, and noticed neither the supervisor "K" or I were there.  And he asked them if we were coming, and a few of the porters  replied "pff, they aren't invited to our potlucks, they are the enemy and we don't like them".... so this mechanic "J" told them "well if you can't invite everyone who is a part of this dept team of porters and mechanics, than you don't have to invite me to anymore of these potlucks either", and he walked out..

Now I want to just say that this is not an easy thing to do in the midst of this rough crowd that he will work with, and it will most likely have some backlash for him.. When I heard this I got teary as it was hard to hear, but that I was very proud of him "J" for taking that stand on our behalf.  I also would hope that I too would take that stand when there is an exclusion of others who are part of a team on purpose.  This picture below has been on an elementary school marquis for months and I took it one day.. it certainly applies here for some adults..

I've done blogs on this work group before and the difficulty of working with them and around them can be.  They are back biters amongst each other, rumor starters of bizarre tales, and just alot of lack of character and bad decision making is evident. My interaction with them is that I input there payroll, schedule vacations and order there supplies and I deal with the backlash of there wrath on many levels, where they are antagonistic between each other, and "authority". I'm a pretty easy person to get along with and really have tried to be sympathetic, understanding, and helpful to them with computer searches when they have asked.. But if you attack me on baseless comments or try to hurt me with "so and so said this about you" yes I will stop you from continuing to talk, because I am no longer in high school and will not stoop to you acting like you are and dragging me into it... so some of these employees don't have my respect and I have withdrawn from much beyond coming in doing my job and laying low in contact.  But boy when they need something they come in and turn on the sweet talk.. ha and I just listen, take a note and tell them I will get back to them with an answer.. and smile pretty.. Apparantly they would like a hug as well and a pat on the back each and every time, and a cookie... whoops, that's not really necessary!

So now they have made the hostile atmosphere of a line in the sand and watch your back... and I will have NO PROBLEM with it.. they on the other hand have policy they need to adhere to in order to keep there job.. period.. I follow it, the supervisors follow it, and they have to follow it.. fair is fair.. no one gets preferential treatment in spite of there desire to receive it..

Today I saw "J" for the first time since Friday and I made sure he understood how much I appreciated his comment and gesture on our behalf.. No lengthy conversation, but just that I knew.  2012 at the office I work in will be an interesting place in light of how 2011 ended, but I will not compromise right decency for being run over to get along..

have to do my part

Project #1

Greg and Shane this afternoon hooked up the tv back onto the wall, all the cables are now plugged into the box inside the wall that has two (4) electrical plugs & the Dish Satellite cable going into the tv. It will be so "clean" looking when it's all done.  Now the part that I forgot is that I said I would go and look for the shelf that will be hung below the tv for the satellite box, Xbox etc.. and I didn't do it.. But Greg found that the homemade (pretty cool) steel bracket he crafted still needs a little tweaking tomorrow at his shop so as to not hit the back of the tv..  So I have another day to produce the mantle like lightweight shelf that I want..  and then the coffee table will again be a coffee table.  There is an unfinished oak wood store close by... or.....

We actually ended up running over to Lowes after dinner to see what they had.. and came across a stair tread with a rounded front edge, and with side pieces that match the front edge that must be glued on to the sides to match.. sweet look and it's the right size.. a coat of verithane over the oak piece and it's ready to go up and complete the look.

 

This is the existing bracket the tv was already mounted on, but just envision the Dish cable going down and then to the wall socket 5 ft to the left, and the electric cord going down and 5 ft to the right to the power plug... not a pretty sight and then the other random cords for DVD and/or XBOX game console down to the table.  Now it will all be up behind the tv recessed and strapped up unseen.

New black hole for all connections, the old satellite connection is visible to bottom left.. Greg groaned when I told him that needed to come out & be patched now that it's not needed.  :)

 hole now covered with a recessed box with 4 electric outlets, and the Dish Satellite cable

Shane & Greg adjusted the box which was cockeyed and even though only we'd know it... it's now straight

"You see son, I did this & connected it to that, welded this clip to the top, and with these bolts it's adjustable".. and so on...

Greg created the brackets that will hang from the tv bracket & the shelf will rest on the "L" part of it without having to bolt it to the wall with the supports that level it off the backside... quite ingenious & the kind of stuff he likes to do

And then it will hang like so..

and walaa the tv is back up on the wall & functioning like it should, only thing missing is the shelf for the stuff that adds to the enjoyment of the tv

Our trip to Lowes found this stair tread that we are converting to a shelf (rather than a flat plank we have to dress up with a router) and the side has trim that will make it look so much better than a flat edge.

like so for the side edge

One tv room down, one more to go... go team go..

progress being made..

There has been progress being made on project #1 and with one more coat of paint, the tv goes back up on the wall. Tomorrow I will go and look for a mantle like piece of "more than a plank" to hang below the tv to have all the "boxes" of Dish DVR, xbox, up higher to read the remote from the kitchen table...

Greg has had more than a few trips to Home Depot in this process and been doing some huffing and puffing when asked those annoying questions like "what will that be for?"  So I have been for two days just laying low and letting the boys get into the line of fire as they offer aid........... I know you know what I'm speaking of. Standing clear, bringing him only what he asked needs from across the room when it's requested..

Today as he's wrapping it up, much lighter demeanor :)

Thankful for a "forced" vacation by his company between Christmas / New Years to give him space to work on the house.  yay!

he took me seriously...

A couple of days before Christmas I asked Greg this question "was he done with his shopping?" and his response was that I hadn't given him any ideas.... hmm, I don't recall his asking.  So I just repeated what I had told him several weeks earlier that I would like him to "just" finish some projects that were started, or take on the projects that needed to be done around the house/yard... There are three that come to mind without having to speak them (unfinished) or that I would like a tripod of good quality and lightweight for a backpack while on a bike or a hike with my camera....

He seemed more inclined towards the latter idea, and away he went after having asked questions on what kind of tripod, looked them up online, asked some more questions.. So I was pretty darn sure that I was getting a tripod (if he could find one still on the shelf where he looked), but was really hoping he'd go for idea #1..

Yep, I got the tripod and it is perfect for biking or hiking....

You might be wondering what immediate projects would I like done:

Project #1 & 2 on my list of wants was to get the tv, dish box, etc cables into the wall behind the 2 tv's from hanging down the wall to the sockets.  They are now draped across the room from behind the tv where they are in plain view. He's off this week and Monday already he starts taking the living room tv off the wall, using his sensor to find the "studs" and then starts cutting a hole(s) in the wall.. today he and Shane (who showed up after dark) crawled in the attic, and then under the house in search of where the "dish network" cables are located, cutting holes and the rest of whatever you need to find or add in order to put all the wires for electricity and cables into a box inside the wall out of sight behind the tv mounted on the wall...  Yay, almost done, hopefully he'll have better luck doing it to tv #2 in the den as that's next on the list....

#3 The incompleted garage door opener put up 2 weeks ago (new one). Which is so sophisticated the chinese instructions have hampered it's completion of installation or the plan to dismantle it and returning it to downsize to something less "sophisticated" for the old garage wooden garage doors we have.  If the new garage is ever built, then he will upgrade.. (if being the key word)

#4 and then the previously blogged about vibrating walking LOUD washing machine on the tile in one of the hallways to be perfected after first attempt failed .. it's still an issue that he knows is an issue without having to say it is an issue. Just running the machine, reminds ya quickly the issue is LOUD.

Oh and then there are lots of "little" items we've discussed that aren't expensive just take his time.. so he could be busy all year as time is not a commodity he likes to give to such things...

Well time for bed, the work alarm will come early.  I might need to hire someone for one of the above..
 heehee..

 

tis the season fa lalala..

After 29 years at UPS, I am actually enjoying this particular Christmas season as the most relaxed one EVER... why you might be asking?  I changed job positions back in early March & to a new location..

I have absolutely no longer anything to do with zipcode assignments for Ground & Air service for the large & small packages, the Time in Transit for Peak Season is not my responsibility for charts / training employees. This is what can dictate success or failure in what the employees know, when they know it and if they didn't WHO was responsible for it.. proofreading 100% accuracy which meant I brought work home everynight.  Whew, from Thanksgiving to New Years was always a feverish daily change, every sort, every building doing something different & specific to them.. 7 buildings was a juggling act.

What I do now is ONE building in Vernon, payroll input daily, employee entitlement tracking & adjustments according to contracts for pay.  I order supplies for everything from toilet paper, cleaning supplies (brooms,mops,hand soap, paper towels) to mechanics needs of screws, nuts, belting, iron, most everything related to keepig the motors to run machinery and everything in between. I write up contracts with vendors and process them for signatures, make sure every vendor has Insurance to be on property or work on property.  I call vendors to come in to do repairs for things that are related to plumbing, electrical, floor scrubbers or getting water out of an Automotive sump pump from rain water, or picking up Bio Hazard materials that are "damaged" in transit (like pig fetus's or dead kittens, stuff happens!).. And then I call to get these particular things invoiced sooner rather than later if they are an item in our current month of budgeting.. If it's something that we would prefer to be invoiced next month, I make sure I issue a PO # first to slow down the process forcing them to wait a little while..  But in the month of Dec we only play a little catch up, reconciling some buildings being so far over budget that the rest of us have to tighten the reigns to make up for it..  But it's every day the same, no peak season RUSH that makes you have crazy busy rushed days and sleepless nights.. Never did I imagine you could or would multi task as much as this job requires.. It's like playing "minute to win it" during the time I'm there and then come back the next day and do it again but nothing life and death like package failure that EVERYBODY in the country knows about immediately. get my point..

Okay so the sleepless nights was a phase I went through recently, but absolutely not work related for sure. 

But honestly, the new hours I work are just NOT intense for the busy peak season for me as they "always" were before.. It's like a night and day difference being out of that loop. The new loop has some stress now and then, but  I start way early enough in the day that I can get some things done in the afternoons after I'm off. The old job position was flexible but rigid tense.

So as Ashley comes home to CA on Tuesday through the next Tuesday..  It will be a good Christmas...  :)

got a minute to spare

Whew, hey I have 20 minutes before we need to be at the next thing on this Sunday... If I just sat down to watch TV I'd be asleep and not to enthused to get back up and going.  While Sat/Sun are my sleep late to catch up on some missed hours during the week, today I got up at 6am to go to the office of all things.  Friday Nov 11 is the observation of Veterans Day, while it is a definite reason to commenorate our living Veterans who sacrificed much on our behalf, it's only a government holiday as far as I know. It's not observed by UPS, but our payroll department still feels the need to process early and deliver checks to employees on Wed instead of Thursday.  And why? I guess it's because the bank is closed Friday for the multitudes who still receive a paper check who hide their money under the mattress.  Most of the people in the building I work at, cash their checks at the local "check n go" and don't have a bank account.  I enjoy the direct deposit and paperless route.. So rather than have to show up Monday in the office at 3:30 a.m. to process Friday/Saturday timecards prior to the 5 a.m. deadline, I gave them a little over an hour this morning before church to get it done.  I made sure not to open my email for fear I'd be distracted for longer.
I just finished an afternoon of busily thinking/typing, printing, folding, stuffing envelopes, addressing & then running them to the Long Beach post office so that they will go out in the mail and be delivered as quickly as snail mail is capable.  With the dragging of my feet in getting this done, an RSVP is absolutely hoped for, and necessary for Shanes graduation/dinner just under two weeks from now. We're having it at Frantones Pizza and they require a FIRM # so they can charge us for each one we commit to...  As I've noticed over the last decade that getting an RSVP is not as easy as it sounds, most likely not from the fear of committment as much as from setting the invite aside and well, forgetting that people are actually counting on a yes or no with a deadline. Oh well, hoping for the best.

Greg just came downstairs, obviously he has been in the midst of a deep nap (lucky guy), because he hardly took a breath as he was communicating a number of thoughts at once,,  Apparantly he is not feeling good and my guess is that in a few moments he will be telling me he's staying home from our small group mtg..

Well, while posting on the blog is an often thought as "stuff" happens, its not something I obviously get to often.  time to brush teeth and check on Greg's socializing status...
until next time..

Movie ~ Courageous produced by Alex Kendrick

Alex Kendrick has produced many faith based movies in major theaters over the last 9 years, perhaps you have never heard of him but might remember some of them; Flywheel (business integrity), Facing the Giants (good football story), Fireproof (firemen marriage story).. And now Courageous (parenting,integrity,life choices)

Alex is an associate pastor at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany GA and the guy in charge of their movie creating entity Sherwood Pictures, the writer, producer, director, editor, he does it all... They started filming Flywheel in 2002 with a budget of $20,000! They have been at it every since, using the people from their church for many of their productions main characters in the beginning, and/or extras along the way. Knowing that made it easier to watch the movies because well, they were just regular people trying to be polished for the cause of Gods kingdom. honestly, and at times the plot or performances may have made you cringe as a tad slow going, answers very easy to do or instructed as so... WHY, because we are used to seeing multi million dollar productions where a team works the script, action goes perfectly edited for the big screen..

My hats off to him and his church for taking on Hollywood by removing the foul language and sex in a movie which is the "teaser" in most every movie made to get you in a seat; making faith based movies with the message of Jesus Christ using small time equipment, small time College play budgets, soccer moms, grocery checkers, plumbers, electricians, nurses, accountants, Dr's from their church doing the acting and being successful, very successful..

Now hopefully I'm not going to give the plot away totally for this movie in my excitement for what we witnessed, but no promises. We finally got around to seeing it last night.. It opened in major theaters Sept 30, and last night Oct 15 the theatre was still packed out and we sat 2nd row... Yes, that is a challenge seat even for someone nearsighted to have it right in your face, not my ideal location, but what are you going to do, reschedule, so we watched from our 2nd row seat...

My impression was: This was a movie that competed with the Hollywood expectation of deep plot, good humor throughout, many tears, heart wrenching sadness, successes, gangs, drugs, prison, and shoot em up action, out-of-wedlock children, marriages in tact doing well, some suffering, others divorced, and poverty,.. I wasn't disappointed at any point, plot moved along and the acting was very good, if you ask me they were all professionals while they might have been the same people they have always used in their productions.. The movie brings you hope, the courage to do better, do more, do it Christ like. My favorite characters were Javier/Carmen...

What did it include that Hollywood won't touch; everyone is a sinner, secrets exposed, our sinful selfishness that affects others, redemption through Christ alone, friendships in Godly accountability to survive, ceremony of men being the leader in homes, wives supporting husbands for better or worse, the suffering of kids dramatically in fatherless homes, statistically..

Hey I didn't give away anything that keeps you from seeing it but only intrigued you to see it and take a friend, because it is hopeful and to be shared. Enjoy

A new approach for chores projects...

There are just those "simple" things I will ask Greg to take care of and weeks, months later He is still processing it as he will call it.. So last night I steal a minute at his desk to use one of his two computers, and it's rather dreary at the desk as only one lightbulb of three in the fixture is lit up and that one bulb is on it's way out, so it's hazy lighting at best... Now this is his work space and it's not that he doesn't notice, it's just "good enough" a life mantra of his on well, too many things actually.... So I being the Plant Engineering czar of getting things done quickly by issuing a PO# (purchase order), issued Greg a PO # for the work and laid it on his desk... THIS MORNING it was done, and he had to laugh that saying that he also deals with PO#'s everyday and that's what moves him..... He liked the idea...

The 2nd PO # left for him has been a long sore spot in that our upright washer in the laundry room sits on tile. Tile in the laundry room was a hindsight decision of regret, but it has and is causing us the louder vibration/airplane at times sound when it spins, and if it's out of alignment look out, the neighbors have to hear it. And then the tv gets turned up louder in response, quite a scene! The Laundry room is located between our kitchen/living room in front of house and the den in the rear of house, in an outside hallway near the side exit door, but not a room of it's own, another regret! Greg says it gets off of level because tile allows it's movement. So Greg being of engineering mentality 8 months ago "prototyped" as he called it, using wood molding as short blocks and cut into them in some fashion round holes for legs of the washer and dryer to be placed in and to anchor them together... with Shane, they high fived each other figuring it was a done deal... It had a minor affect on the problem but it was better..

Now mind you, I didn't see how the SILENCE I was after was going to come without placing a thicker rubber matting under the washer dryer to buffer the sound, but they disregarded my opinion and said it was only the first prototype and they'd monitor it.... Oh brother, do you remember that I said this occurred 8 months ago, that's not monitoring that's forgetting about it all together. I thought the other day, It was going to walk itself during a vibration fit into the kitchen for a drink it was rocking so strongly.. Just then Greg walked in the door and just placed his hand on top of it and it settled down a little with the weight of his push... As though it needed some loving, I just grinned and said I was glad he was home, because I had only three loads left for him to hang onto it for me... Ha, ya got to laugh or someone would be irate....

He leveled it this morning as his next fix and since he's going out of town all next week on business... I may be "ordering" that rubber mat through Grainger or something similar and have the boys install it below... Taking the bull by the horns or working as a team ~ whatever you might decide

Medical anniversary reflection...

Thursday Sept 1st was the 2nd anniversary of surgery #2 which successfully corrected a dysfunction following surgery #1 on July 1st.

How did I even get to surgery #1 you might be asking. For quite awhile following the ankle surgery to subside the lesion pain in the left ankle, I began experiencing burning lower pain in the back and pelvis that ran down the left leg when walking or standing after long periods of sitting. this was incapacitating. I went to an orthopedic, had an MRI which showed collapsed disk, and just above two vertebrae collapsed onto one another. He gave me options of physical therapy, Pain Medicine Dr, or surgery.. I did the PT route for about a month, and the PT was excruciating, bringing no relief just adding to the pain level where I didn't have pain before. Got the name of the Pain Medicine Dr., met with him, started injections of the upper (2 bulging discs) and lower back which continued for little less than a year, but worked. At about the 4-6 month mark pain would return upon having an injection for lower back in the office and the parting comment of "this should bring you relief for 4-6 months" away I went. Life had been pretty routine for ability to function actively.

At the mark of about 3 months, I attended a Valley Christian midweek basketball game to watch Blake De Jong play, and my back was hurting pretty badly, sitting on the wooden benches even on a blanket was difficult. I called in and got in for a pain shot on Thursday, and the parting comment of "this should bring you relief 4-6 months".. And when I saw on Saturday the friends I had seen midweek at basketball, they couldn't believe how much better I looked and was walking pain free.. I was dancing the happy dance of joy for sure. Three weeks later, following the above mentioned injection, without much more than a walk of about 100 yards, the intense pain returned with a fiery fury that takes your breath and legs away from you.. I
certainly wasn't expecting that, not so soon anyway. A call to the pain medicine Dr and he said it was time to consult with the orthopaedic Dr again. The dr ordered a repeat of the MRI of which little option was left but to surgically implant a new disk and a spacer between the two collapsed vertebrae. I had to first consult with the vascular surgeon who starts the surgery process prepping the bodies insides to be moved out of the way to get to the spinal area. Surgery was scheduled for July 1st.

Wed July 1st surgery went as planned, no complications, I was walking the halls with PT on day two, climbing one flight of stairs on day four... Released and went home on Sunday.. Restrictions were; only to walk from bed to bathroom, sitting upright no longer than 20 minutes at any one time. I followed this thoroughly , took minimal pain meds, was feeling
good. The staples were removed at the beginning of the 2nd week at the vascular dr office, my first outing. I am still taking it very easy, I began to experience pain in the tail bone, and
left leg.. I had a two week appt at the ortho surgeons office and mentioned it to him, x-rays are taken, nothing impressed him, says to continue to take it easy, and see you in two weeks..
I just progressed to get weaker with time, lost my appetite, trying to move around was slow in getting to the bathroom, getting in and out of the chair was difficult, painful. Now from July
15th appt till August 27th appt, I was told to see him every two weeks, and I complied, but I
was just going downhill. The pain was just growing worse, the nerves being pinched from the
soon to be discovered break in tail bone were sending shock waves into the foot causing
neuropathy that can be explained this way, razor blades scraping the skin in between your toes
relentlessly. All I could think about was this pain, it consumed me and I went heavy on the morphine, less food and refused to get out of bed.. And I cried.. I began to use a walker if
and when I would get up, I sat on a chair if I showered, I would lay down and rest between
shower, drying off, drying my hair.. It was all to much exertion, and I was faint..

I attended our vacation to the river mid July, but mostly just so my family would go, but I
dont remember much about it. In mid August to a graduation send off college blessing for Blake
mostly because I didn't want to miss it, it's where I would have been if I was healthy. But I
literally looked like a pale ghost, had to sit/lay in my special reclining folding chair. I
felt like I was 90 and I looked like it too. This was mid August, and my next appt was Tuesday
August 25th and I with what energy I could muster after lying down in the waiting room for
them to call my name, walked with my walker into the exam room, had a painful set of x-rays
taken which on the flat table on my back I just screamed out in pain. Greg was with me through
all of this, and it was treacherous for him. When the dr came in to see me, I demanded a
cat scan done and I wanted it done NOW or I just wanted to die, I couldn't go on this way anymore, there is something drastically wrong. It was ordered for the next morning, and the
results STAT. On Wednesday afternoon there was a call from the ortho and on speaker phone with Ash, Greg and I he tells us that what he thought was going on was not it, that I actually had a 30% displaced fracture of the sacrum bone, caused most likely by the screws in spacer cage that just pulled the bone apart. I was asked to return to the office Wednesday to review the CT scans. We agreed it had to be fixed and surgery was what its going to take.. I had to make an appt to see vascular again, but in calling his office the receptionist put us off for a week, I called back spoke to the office mgr, married to the vascular surgeon who I wanted in now, she knew the case and said they had been discussing it for a month, he wasn't in the office but on trauma call. She would have him call us. By the time we returned home, 10 minutes later he phoned. Again on speaker phone, with Ash, Greg, I he did the office speak of a verbal okay for surgery he would have done in office. And he then told me surgery was
scheduled for tues at 6:00 am arrive at 5am. The next few days were just a relief that SOMETHING was going to be tried.

Sept 1st we were prepared for a long day, but it really was a long long day. I had gotten in for surgery on time, surgery took a little over 3 hours, and then I laid in recovery. Somewhat out for a lot longer than they had anticipated and by the time I came around, there was a long wait to get an open room up on the ortho floor, and so I laid there for about 12 hours. There policy is that a visitor can not sit in the recovery area longer than 20 min a time, but they finally let Greg in for longer periods of time.

Skip ahead to days 3,4,5, recovery is slower as I now have 2 additional incisions 14" on the lower back and a new one diagonally across lower abdomen and like "V" formation for geese with it crossing the earlier scar of 9 weeks prior. I am up a little bit walking, and while I'm ready to go home, I'm really not and Greg agreed with the dr that I needed to go to rehab for a week to get ready to go home. This was all a sudden thing, felt ambushed really, and I envisioned some back alley facility, but it was actually first floor of the hospital. I was moved down there hastily on Sunday afternoon, spur of the moment in a wheelchair. Called Greg as they are preparing paperwork prior that I'm going and please come, make sure all of my stuff goes along and I'll see you down there.

I was scheduled for a full week in rehab, I was released in 5 days, I worked hard in the three one hour sessions each day, they were asking me what I wanted to do as I passed all exams, I said I want to go home. I was released on Friday Sept.11 in time to get home, have a wheelchair delivered, showered and we went to the 50th anniversary party for uncle Ron/aunt
Alice.. Surprised quite a few people but the night went well, stayed in my wheelchair or used cane to walk a little bit, and it felt god to sleep upstairs in my own bed!

I worked slowly at first to do the PT exercises from the sitting position in a chair, resting, and then picked up the pace at 4 months, walked to end of the block and back as a big accomplishment. At 6 months started physical therapy, then at 7 months started working with a trainer on my own, slow at first, and then picked up the pace slowly as I felt stronger. I returned to work at the 8 month mark after July 1st, and did my workouts in the morning, showered and went to the office. I was feeling very good, slow and steady as I went. The dr just warned me to take it slow as there was NO MORE ROOM for anymore hardware inthatarea and he doesnt know how another repair could be done.

As in recent post, I set out to train for the hike of Bryce and Zion National park over a 5 day period and accomplished that 13 months after surgery #2, hiking 15 miles in one day down across the Bryce canyon and back up to the top.. I was one excited, exhausted, restored individual at that moment. It was quite a trek at times, and Greg had to be wondering "what if" should I stumble, or suffer an unknown setback and be unable to continue, but no fear for what is unknown when all looks well. The dr had cleared me, CT scan showed all was healing and progressed to a safe level to be beyond fear.

I've been staying active in spurts on the treadmill, bike riding, hiking Oregon, in the last year since that hike in Bryce and Zion, time to kick it up a notch. My body continues to have some setbacks of joint pain in hands/elbow, and the time spent resting a torn muscle in left calf.. But perseverance is necessary for me or giving up is only other alternative. Always wanting the next adventure to be fulfilled while I have breath left in life.

It just disappeared..

I just spent some time writing a new post using the new blogger interface..it doesn't save as you go like the old style, so I hit the back key by mistake and suddenly the whole post was missing and I had nothing saved to go back to.. So the new interface I was "trying out" I hate it...
Do I start over, what a thought................

Day of discovery

Today's nugget of discovery was that while I've not adjusted well to the life of an early riser, the attitude is going to have to change.. I had a scheduled test today that had to be done at 9am, so I was sooo looking forward to the luxury of sleeping 3 hours later (till 7am)... I turned off the alarm clock for the usual day and clicked the choice of 7:15 instead... And danged if my mind didn't just wakeup on it's own... Suck..why oh why? You had nowhere to go and nowhere you wanted to be but sleeping... I should never have styed up till 11pm, hindsight is a drag when you can't ever get time back.

Now there is a drawback to getting up early and that is, that in the middle of the afternoon you really desire a nap. This can be a setback if you have to get something done and your not feeling much up to it.. But by not giving into it, you are so ready to go to sleep, and that's what you hope will happen.. Now, I have found that taking melatonin is a working lfe saver MOST nights in that when it works, I can't stay awake past an hour of taking it.. When it doesn't work, well, that is a complete bummer watching the clock tick late into the night..

Getting into the office at 10 until 5pm is a strange feeling of a time warp for the first time in 5 months of working so early. And where I can usually park right at the street corner you have to cross, or on the first floor of the parking structure right at the exit... Not so when you arrive at the time a operational shift has started. I had to park on the fourth floor no where near the exit. It totally broke up the office routine and just didn't feel right. And the traffic when I left the parking structure right from the get go on the streets. It was a parade of slow moving processing vehicles between quick traffic lights.. I was so missing my commute to Cerritos of either fwy or street and it taking 8 minutes either way. So this commuting with unpredictable traffic, day in and day out gets old, not to mention adding the 60-80 minutes a day to the workday.

So with that said, embracing the 4:15am wakeup means I'm late for bed here at 9:25pm. Why didn't the melatonin kick in 45 minutes ago as expected? Sheesh see what I'm up against...
Goodnight

07/03/11 pictures of the garden~up close

I could have sworn I had taken pictures up close, but what happened to them is unknown. So today I headed back out there with "my new getting to know you" Nikon D5100 camera.

the very back end of our garden and the after thought planting of potatoes

the last tomato plant in the line of 5 at the deep end of the yard

looking back toward the house

These are the corn stalks forming there ears of delictably sweet ear corn for our consumption

two rows of canteloupe GONE WILD, they are growing like wild fire and spreading everywhere with the yellow flowers all over them.. I should google their development and find out about them!

 as you can see they are invaders in the middle row are just leaving no row space between any longer.. but we are organic and have no weeds.. that is awesome..

aw, the beautiful growth of a maturing green bean.. a couple more days left in growth. These are what I have been seeing in the grocery store as what I have HAD the option to buy for money! ha, no more!

 a bean with perhaps just another day til we snap it off the vine... yummy

Now its kind of hard to pick out, BUT there is one carrot plant or stalk stickin' up out of the canteloupe leaves here, the fuzzy parsley top..

In the center bottom of this photo is the canteloupe flower on it's way to the sidewalk sliding in between the bean plants..

The canteloupe has even gone south into the "flower bed", leave them a space and away they continue to go.. just amazing..

Now, as I am looking at this view of the garden and start to walk WEST, I have completely forgotten that there is an item at the corner to keep the water hose from flippin in and over the plants as you walk along to sidewalk to the back of the garden... and I....

Attempted to step, not seeing it, and flopped right over it and scraped off the top layer of skin, WHERE IS THE RED CAP THAT SHOULD BE COVERING IT?????? Apparently it was knocked off the night before (cuz he couldn't find the super glue yet) and so the sharp metal edge on the top was exposed.

 Now dang to the right shin bone, it isn't deep, but it burns like a paper cut.. the skin is still lying next to the gash..

But on I go to finish what I started

 The tomato's have now gotten so top heavy that they are collapsing their cages, and we've tied them up to fence line to support them.. once they stop flowering, we are going to trim off some of the outside farthest branches, because we will not be short on tomatoes.. that is for sure.

 it looks like I was whipped with the dang piece of barbed wire, but the first shock only caused me to move downward, where its metal direction headed in a zig zag on the chin... hopefully it doesn't scar!

last remarks on traffic... and how our garden grows...

While I haven't blogged in awhile, I've often thought "this would be a good blog"... it just doesn't get done. And mostly that is because I haven't faired very well as an early morning riser, commuter dealing with the new job, a new gardening gig that requires much energy, and after a full day I don't close off early enough with crawling into bed for but 6 hours max of sleep if I knock out immediately.  Not a good mix for this chick..

Have I ever told you that I REALLLLY like my sleep? Well, it's true, I do best on no less than 8 and as I must be a relative of Rip Van Winkle, 10 hours would suit me fine.. I know, I know, than I should go to bed earlier, but the only way I can do that is to remember to take melatonin at say 6pm so that by 7pm I'd be unable to keep my eyes open.. but my sensibility says that would suck for a life. Getting up before the sun is one thing, but going to sleep before it sets would just be intolerable. hahaha..

Some of those thoughts that have perhaps ran through my mind just after my last blog about traffic jams was this;  Thought #1 We here in California really have so many possibilities to "fill" our minds and time with that when I'm commuting in one direction, and the traffic on the other side in the opposite direction just visible over the high center divider has slowed to a crawl, I really don't wonder "what is going on over there?" but so many of my fellow commuters have this penchant for slowing down to a crawl, to get a miniscual and momentary glimpse as to what might or might not be going on to slow the traffic. While it might have been a minor or major incident there isn't anyway you will know them, or anything that can be done except pray and keep moving, and actually without even stopping traffic. Thought #2 is that if you still have the misfortune of driving a 1977 Datsun that has the maximum capacity of 48 mph running the gas pedal to the floor board, your place on the freeway is the slow lane with the trucks, so please disregard using your left blinker to advance any farther left in 5-6 lanes of traffic to be an obstacle for the rest of us to use our blinker in order to get around you safely... and if you are one of those who are using your phone next to your ear, against the State Law of California while your driving, and suddenly your brain's inability to multitask on the reason you joined traffic ion the first place and your now going 48 mph on the freeway with a speed limit of 65, I would appreciate that you exit the freeway, and park your car in the parkiing lot of the local market and finish your conversation... because all your going to do is cause an accident for those of us who are commuters on a mission! last word on that...

Okay and so what have I been doing since mid May when I decided to plant a garden and after about a week of watching my progression, joined in. Painstakingly a large section of our back yard at the spot of approxiametely the 135-150th ft of it had to be cleared, mostly of weeds and rock hard soil. There was about 8 ft of existing grass that had to be dug up and removed. With many turns of the shovel, about 20 cubic feet of Amend soil mixed in to a depth of about 6 inches, planting was able to be done.  While most of the pictures have already been on facebook, of course they will be a duplicate to my facebook readers.

because exhaustion of doing this all with simply a shovel, a patched together back of bolts and screws, aching left ankle at times.. there were no pictures taken, cuz once I got up to the house, I collapsed... so this was the "after the starting point"

 this was all weeds, cement hard soil.. you can already see after two weeks the seedling coming up

 these small plants above filled in between the ones in the picture below

 four rows of corn, planted them in staggered rows by two weeks between them

 L to R, corn, a row of carrots that didn't fair so well but for a few plants, 2 rows of canteloupe that have gone crazy and sprawled all over the place, and a row of beans that have been the fastest and steady stream of producers for us so far.

 we started with 2 tomato plants, I told Greg maybe one more and so he brought home 3 to make 5..

 this was about three weeks after planting day

this "blank" spot is where we planted 8 potato's halved with the eyes facing up as an experiment. In the google search we don't have the most ideal climate for growing them. but to the right side against the wall is a rogue wild canteloupe and carrot start where the seed bag tipped over and they "seeded themselves.. ha had we known that we would have just tossed them in the air.

7 weeks after planting, 07/02/11 these are my photo's using my new camera sitting on my porch trying out the long lens. Tomorrow I will take some close up pictures to add.

This is what we generally take out of the garden every other day as our bounty of bean produce.. better than any beans I've seen in in the grocery store and they taste magnificent in comparison.. My mother in law told me what to do to the beans before I freeze them.. We have been eating them just about everyday and gifting the leftovers, but will need to start "storing them up for winter".. just like a pioneer woman with a cellar would do..

Greg is already talking about his "expansion" program for next year so we can plant other things like cucumbers, green onions, cilantro, radishes, lettuce varieties, strawberries, and perhaps a few watermelons..  And tongue in cheek, perhaps if my medical ailments continue to nag, we could qualify to grow "medical marijuana" for personal use.. hee hee...

Drive or get off the road

As my commute to work has been lengthened and in the direction of constant traffic that can snarl for no apparent reason, I get frustrated at times with the stop and go of it.. Today was one of those afternoons of frustration with people who get on a freeway and yet drive street speeds.. The speed limit is 65 for petes sake, if an open lane in front of you and no one beside you has you freaked out, you'll crap yourself should others join your vicinity.. but yet there you are, crawling along at 45-50 mph to the left of truck traffic, blocking those of us who are quite comfortable with driving in traffic at the correct (or higher) rate of speed.

This afternoon I got off a lot later than I had anticipated, with a 25 minute commute to my hair appt in Lakewood. When I entered the 710 South Fwy, it was moving along. 5 lanes, and for some reason trucks were in the three right of them. I believe they have the right to the two far right lanes.. This can really slow things down and with three Fwy's to maneuver before reaching my destination.. GET MOVING people...

I, from the fast lane made a little progress with a few here and there slow downs, and then it opens up after a corner where a car is on the side of road with a flat tire, wide open road. And yet this 1965 van in front of me is driving a whopping 60 mph, hey that's for the right lane called the slow lane for a reason, use it. Using my blinker, lane changes and an eye out for the policio, I made it to the 91 East Fwy interchange in about 20 minutes that should have taken 6. And again, slow traffic backup in the transition onto the new Fwy. By the time I have reached the transition to the 605 South Fwy in 15 minutes I am so over the crawling along like it's a Sunday drive... At the Del Amo exit, I am 40 minutes late, and 7 minutes to go to Mary's. She's very gracious to have waited, and I apologize for leaving the office so late.

So now that the hair has been colored, I am enjoying a quiet night at home, no more traffic, till Monday. Hooray!

Fearing not what lurks in the heart ~

Today is one of those days of reflection that has taken my head and my heart into some deep places to process...

Their are many very good times in life that I have thousands of pictures from, that are in many rubbermaid containers not seen for quite some time. With my fading memory and/or the lack of it, they are just the trigger it would take to recollect an event.  Now, their are also the unpleasant, stressful, frightful, fearful, regret filled mistakes & memories that have wreaked some havoc for me over a long period of time. From many of those, I still struggle with the sins I am drawn to pursue. Those I wish I could just never remember again, those appear without a picture, much like they happened yesterday and some actually did..

Yes, those deep dark times, they've brought spiritual growth and the deep seeded need for Jesus, and they have found me headlong in my own healing to be in a ministry seemingly well suited.  Some of those mistakes & memories are areas well healed over with a scar to remind of the grace Jesus died on the cross for. A few others are like a wound, the scab picked off repeatedly or often enough to keep them bleeding open wounds that have no chance of scarring over if not left alone, avoided the revisiting or participating in of not so good behaviour..

It's a cycle of most everyone's life to some degree I am most certain of.. I certainly do a lot of praying, and reading of scripture on the days that I win the battle the most. When I do neither, those are the days or periods of time that sin creeps all over me with temptation and well, some ugly indulgence..

God is a merciful loving heavenly Father, whom I trust with my heart mind and soul... It's me that gets in the way.. Here's to each day bringing a new morning of mercies.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.



Lamentations 3:21-23
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

a "not" instead of "got" brought back painful memories....

Last night at Alpha, I KNEW something was up with "S.E." almost as soon as we pulled our chairs in closer to pray.. tonight when I spoke to her on the phone we got down to the nitty gritty of what had happened and were able to straighten it out.   At the end of our small group time, her immediate exit at a fast pace from the cry room (where we meet), down the stairs and out past the crowd to the exit door had me concerned.  I still had women in the room and needed to stay, but my instinct was to go after her as I watched from the cry room windows her escape which is very unlike her.. as we all headed downstairs, I said my goodbyes, found a bible to give to the women who had just given her life to Christ, listened with her as Bill gave her an overview of the bible new vs old testaments, the books that are the gospels and for her to read a chapter a day of John. This only took about 3 minutes, and I was already texting "S.E.", calling her phone a couple of times, only to hang up as VM instructed me which leaves her a missed call instead of a message. To no avail, she wasn't responding.


I tried calling her a couple of times Friday with no response, I was feeling pretty low that their was a rift between us in some way.  But she called me later and we coincidentally "tripped" over the reason for her distress. Here's how it kind of went that night and what we talked through on the phone.


Story:
"S.E." is here in CA on a year long internship for her Phd in Psychology and family counseling of some type. She hails from WI., is a commited christian and dedicated to ministry, joined Alpha to connect with others during her remaining stay till she completes her work study. "S.E." had been telling me briefly prior to dinner as we sat at our table before the others had come, about her speaking to her sister who had a torn ACL.  Her sister isn't one much for faith, but that she told her on phone that night that she would be praying she would be healed.. her sister responded "okay thanks" which is the best response ever to a religious expression. (these siblings have a monsterous upbringing of horror).. and then "S.E" comes to alpha running late after a tough week and horrible day, and the subject is HEALING (spiritual, physical or emotional).. How is that possible you might ask, well, yes it's possible. God works that way.

During the larger main talk, Lina and Governor Joy (no he's not a governer, that is his given name) shared about her medical miracle of a near death event after donating bone marrow with an infection in the hip and than a wrong blood transfusion that had the dr's telling Governor it was time to pull the plug, but he refused.. 4 months later, she left the hospital alive..  Lina has been sharing her blessing of healing for 14 years. It's a powerful testimony and they give all the glory to their heavenly Father.
 
We go to our small group and at the onset of sitting down I begin by saying we will just get right into praying for healing with the belief it still happens. "S.E." begins explaining her sisters need for healing for her knee.. and I casually give her the response of "well we can pray for her later, "this has GOT to be about you, personally"... Because "S.E." has had dire experiences since a toddler into her teens of intense verbal, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of people her parents associated with in a lifestyle way out of the norm, she hears me say something else. She hears me say "this is NOT to be about you, personally". Which in hindsight she realizes doesn't make sense after seeing what happened, but it's where her mind took her.  She instantly reverts back into the memories of the humiliating words spoken to her about how "it isn't about you" so often and being blamed for the painful bloody wounds of a sister that were not her fault in an accident. Tonight she tells me that she wanted to bolt from the room immediately, but a part of her was trying to focus on what was going on, hearing the good that was going on in the circle, but yet her mind and heart were hurting and the tears started to flow. Which tears in our womens group is not abnormal! The trigger for her was transposing the words "Got" for "Not", and her counselor side trying to work through the place she was going, and doing okay enough to stay but being hurt by the words all over again.  But I didn't know what was happening and she said theres no way I could have known and that night if I had caught up with her she wouldn't have been able to explain it except it coming out in a jumbled babbling tear filled mess of words. Thankfully she stayed in the circle, contributed in the prayer time, but her tears were just flowing, and her mind was getting caught up in the replay of the emotions so painful.


She says now that by the time she had cried her way home, cried it out and thought about it, she realized that the tears had been working themselves up during a stressful week, hearing of her sisters plight just before coming, the Lina Joy healing story, and than what transpired above.. a bit like the floor coming out from under her.. tears were inevitable. The physcologist in her knew my words as she thought she heard them just started the avalance, but our conversation on the phone tonight and my asking her what it was I said that caused this.. (I was already apologizing that I had hurt her)... when she said the statement to me, I thought, wait a minute, I didn't say that.. and so I said wait a minute.. "S.E." that statement doesn't line up with what I actually said and how the prayer night for healing played out..  What I said was that "it's GOT to be about you" what your going to ask prayer about, and not about someone else.. She thought it through and we laughed that I just saved her a session on a therapy couch (no charge) for clearing up the misunderstanding.... we chatted a bit as to her's and my thoughts on how triggers with the deep emotional stresses she has endured, will always be a part of her and she knows that she has to work through them.
 
Praise Jesus for facing up to a supposed conflict head on and quickly, getting it out there on the table and correcting it.. so much easier than turning the other way and letting it "blow in the wind" unresolved. God is good to fill us with compassion and love for others..  And for "S.E." and I, a friendship not lost, but strengthened.

selfish on my own, but God always wins out

     Well, it's happened enough times that if I would just realize that whenever I'd rather be selfish and NOT attend something I've committed to for the Alpha ministry, that I am in for a great blessing and make sure I'm there...  I have been a small group leader for over the past 5 years and there occasionally comes a Thursday night (or two) or a Saturdays all day Alpha retreat where where I'd prefer to curl up on my couch in my pj's or spend a day relaxing or doing something with Greg instead..

     This past Saturday was one of those all day Alpha retreats. Leading up to it the last couple of months has been constant activity, lots of heavy yard work, gardening, early mornings for work, late nights not adjusting my bedtime to well for those early mornings which had me rather worn out and not so excited about attending.. I had only one person from my group who said they were coming. I'll call her "R" and had spoken to her at Thursday nights Alpha and on the phone with some subtle hints that I'd totally understand if something came up, plenty of chances to let me know she was going to back out. But no, she was coming, even called me that morning as I stepped out of the shower (running kind of late) asking if I could pick her up to get there on time.. oops, sorry...  I was committed, she was on her way (walking, short distance of a long block from her place to the church) while I quickly finished getting ready.. When I arrived at the church not only was she there from my group, but also a young woman I will refer to as "S", who had said on Thursday there wasn't any way she could make it because of her 6 yr old daughters swim meet, but she felt she needed to be here...  (at this point I'm swallowing hard, guilt creeping into my throat that I had wanted to back out).


     I drove a carpool group together to the location, a beautiful home in the Fullerton hills owned by a couple from our church whom hospitality is their gift.  Now let me give you a little background on these two beautiful women from my group.. They have had some rough bumps in their life that are way above average, and some of it isn't very easy for many to hear and than know how to react in a way that isn't one of astonished surprise with stumbling words in response. "R" being abandoned young often by her parents, raised mostly by a strict grandmother who loved her well.  "R" is the mom of 4 kids w/ 3 dads ages 24, 10, 7, 2, did 16 mo in prison for possession w/ intent to sell of narcotics after her third child, shoplifting charges in her youth, past addictions.  "S" was a straight laced young girl through her teens, out of shear respect for her moms hard work to support them. She watched her single mom with severe arthritis who was left by a man because he felt she wasn't able to be a "wife" anymore and he needed a woman.. "S" loves her mom who worked extremely hard, long hours to provide minimally the basics of very little to eat, little for clothes and they lived in rough places. The bitterness continues toward her estranged dad carried into every part of her life, I think this was news to her that it was still wreaking havoc..  "S" had a child at 19 to raise on her own with only her moms help, "S" had two abortions after this and has such remorse for this..  "S" had attended week 1 of Alpha and than hadn't returned until Week 5, which is the theme night of evil... I speak on this night, and following the large group session she was pretty tearful, I saw her go into the bathroom as we went for dessert before going into our small groups, but then she had left without a word..  So this had me really surprised that she showed up for the Saturday retreat. But they are at Alpha because they know they can no longer figure out life on their own and it's there journey..


     Alpha does alot around food, and so that's how we start the morning with a table buffet of a breakfast spread as we sit and mingle around the beautifully large backyard of swimming pool, numerous seating areas all around the deck, fire pit, grassy shade area overlooking the golf course down the hill or in the house with the open wall of windows between the indoors and the great outdoors.. and the conversations between the large group that has come together to share a day, some laughs, etc.. good time..


     The Alpha retreat days theme is learning about the Holy Spirit. In the morning Bill White teaches on "who the Holy is" and in the afternoon he teaches a session on "what the Holy Spirit does".. and we have some small group time following each of these.  Lunch comes in the middle of the time here and it's a great spread of variety and good food, and than the table is transformed into a snack haven for munching....   This day is really where the rubber meets the road in my opinion because, well, it really comes down to deciding one way or the other if your not sure whether God is real or relevant as to if you believe or are just somewhat amused with the information.  Bill hit a homerun this day as he usually does, but he changed up a couple of things, threw in a scripture verse that he hadn't used before. That afternoon session touched me in a fresh way maybe more so than others.   Well, it was touching my two ladies also.. God is so good.


     After the morning session in our small group... I probed "S" on some stuff she was telling us about her life, asked her what was the obstacle in her understanding about God and Jesus, what had she heard in the morning session that she wanted to talk about......... her answers were very honest and than one question, then the tears just began to flow as she let out some anger, frustration etc, which surprised her... whew, that can feel so good.  I didn't know what to say to make it better, you can't... but I was just glad she expressed it and allowed herself the freedom to have the ability to be honest, no more covering it up as if she'd be just okay with it stuffed down deep.. My encouragement for her was that our Heavenly Fathers desire for each of us no matter what kind of earthly father we have had or didn't have, is that HE alone is enough for us and that he be enough for us.

     "R" has attended all of the Thursday night Alpha sessions and she was basically admitting that she was standing right at the edge of accepting Christ, but wasn't sure what was her obstacle..my instinct was that it would require a HUGE change in her lifestyle she wasn't comfortable knowing it could happen..

     This was the key verse that I heard today, first time ever and it.... just made such sense to me as WHY our sinful nature can and does return.. evil is powerful
Matthew12: 43-45,
43 When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 then it says, "I will return to the house I left." When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation.

     What does this mean:  When we chase out the evil but don't fill our entire lives up with the Holy Spirit who guides us in Christ, we leave the door wide open for the evil spirits to return and to be worse than it was before.  And this is absolutely true, we want the initial change and do all we can to keep it going, until we become complacent with the nurturing our spirituality and sins temptations become stronger, alluring. This is a very compelling verse for us to be highly motivated to fight the daily lure of sin and the damage that can be done

     As the afternoon session ended and the day was winding down, there was a time given for each to just reflect on what had been heard on this day, and than to have prayer over them by their leader.. after a short amount of time, my ladies came out and over to the fire pit where we had been meeting.  "R" & "S" sit down and "R" just starts to say that she is ready to give her life over to Christ that she can no longer go on with her life as she has and wants to tell her kids about Jesus... God is good.. so I tell her that I am going to pray with her and will give her a few sentences of some kind  and ask her to just repeat them after me. (I know it's not a contract, so I'll be winging the sorry, thank you, please prayer).  "S" is sitting there just holding hands with us and we all hug afterwards.. And than "S" tells us that she is too ready to accept that Jesus is what she needs in her life, to teach her daughter of him.. So I do a similar prayer with "S" and just sit there taking it all in..  I introduce my new sisters in Christ as we leave that day and they receive hugs and encouragement..  All glory to God our father..

I am so blessed that God allows me to be a part of this...