my buddy ian typed this on my computer the moment i posted my prev blog post : when the ship sinks, those who drown are those strong enough to hold on.. i dunn where hee got it from but that does speak volumes.. thanks ian =)

closure comes soon.. i can feel it =)

sam

2:52 PM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y

SURPRISE SURPRISE!
apparently, i JUST remembered i had this blog! hahha XD
tot i'd update a lil here withwhats gone on sincee the last time i blogged..

its been like what, almost a year since i last blogged.. been real busy trying to catch up with my studies.. apparently im not much of a jenus (uh genus, um genuis, eh genius. there got it.. phew) -_-' also cos i did 3 years of design(meaning i dun have exams, only projs), and 2 years odd of NS..(as you can see, im like 5 years lagging in the area of academia).. i kinda forgot HOW to study.. =/ well, its been a fruitful year, learning more of myself and learning from my peers at church (HOPE Waverly Centre, melbourne).. been thru quite a bit of thinking as well, with regards to my own life, personal issues, and God's plan for my life.. im growing slowly but surely, and its all thanks to God for sending the right pple my way to teach and guide.

looking back, if i could do things better, i would. if i could turn back time, i would. but then again, if time did not proceed on like it originally did, how would i know how and what actions i should have taken that would have been better? if i could turn back time, how many times do i have to turn time to make things better.. until its perfect? i guess, in saying all these, i've learnt to analyse the past, appreciate the present, and look toward the future (i hope.). to look to the past as fond memories, the present, a gift (pardon the pun), and the future... as lottery (you never know the outcome/rewards still, you gotta sow something i.e. some money put into lottery.. of cos analogies aside, i dun do lottery. its a money sucking scheme tt i dun condone.).

still, life goes on for sam.

tough at parts, smooth at parts, gaining experience, all bits and pieces that form the person, the character you know as sam. thanks for all the prayers you've sowed for me all these while, and the care you've shown. particularly to those who have shown me kindness by spending that bit of quality time by just being with me and talking heart to heart, i thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

back to studying for me.. still struggling with my work (im not exactly the brightest kid in the block), so gotta put in that extra push to do me folks proud.

of cos, im studying for me too.. sowing that lil bit more for the "lottery" uh.. my future i mean.

4:59 PM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y

hey there pple!

sorry for the late updates!
been "stuck" in australia during the hols, but its been really great having my hols here!

went to wilson's prom with some pple from Hope Christian Church, and went on a lil hike down to squeaky beach.. was really fun getting to know pple.. opening myself up to others and others opening up to me.. got to know new friends like yoko, the cute twins, jiashen and carolyn, jason chen.... and got to know my shepard, mike better, rachel, ryan, lionel, more etc etc..

ended up going to wilson's prom again with uncle leonard and aunty bettina and the kids the following week (so happened to be around the area as well hahah!) really nice place to be.. good retreat.. more time away from civilization to think abt things..

came back the follwing week to help in monash's orientation as a helper, got to know val, ivan, ida, ming kwan, wenhao, saori, etcetc.. really fun! organised an impromptu laksa dinner for a group of 4 then lionel and i decided to open it to the new students.. whoa.. 46 of us total all squeezed in a house! hahah laksa party! was kinda touched when one of the students from china came up to me and thanked lionel and i for our "ai xing(love)".. hahha! i really liked gatherings anyways, blesses others, makes me happy too ^_^

helped out at born to fly kids camp.. wow the kids are so cuteeee hurrr.. my interest in child psych got a major boost again^^. esp when they sang this really meaningful song abt them soaring, "born to fly". i was really impressed.. had a family fun day with them.. did the limbo rock.. hahah antonius and i tied at 65 cm! "how lowwww can you goooo"....

now's back to school... haha am tring to squeeze in this blogpost before class! ahhh gotta run im gonna be late!

sam

11:47 AM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y

sometimes,
there's just nothing to say...

and yet while hiding in my mind,
i am encircled in turbulent wind.

save me Lord,
save me.
------------------

ever felt like there's nothing to say? nothing you can do to make things better?
as if on the facial surface, is a calm, but lying underneath, in the mind's eye, is filled with howling winds?

the imagery of walking against the strong winds, unable to take a step forward, and only quickening steps backward as you lose your footing? and yet theres so much you want to say, and yet you know you cant..because its not appropriate, and you hold it all back.

and even still,when you actually say what you want to, everything you say ends up in a tangle, and when the winds die down, it leaves you standing there, wondering, waiting for the next wave to arrive... and so while the winds are down, you trod on toward the horizon, hoping to cover more ground before the next wave hits..

and the horizon? never seems closer...

----------------------------------

hey pple...

haha dun mind the cranky poetry.. just a cranky mood thingy.. hahahs.. better expressed in poetry than keeping it raged inside! =P

sorry i havent been updating this blog and letting you guys know what's been going on.. been a tad busy with work nowadays.. but im having a really solid time here in australia..
life here is definitely alot more laid back, and not as fast pace as back home in Singapore, but its definitely given me more time to sit down and think, to re-evaluate my own life and stuff..

got comfy in a church here, Hope Christian Church.. the pple there are great.. really helped me settle down in australia alot, provide companionship in cell groups, and give me a great avenue to open up my life and be part of God's kingdom.. im learning many things from scratch, and its building me up steadily.. i hope you guys back at CHS will cont to catch the fire as well! i miss you all from point.com..

thanks for the prayers and all, and im doing great, tho definitely missing all of you alot. good thing there's still msn.. drop me an offline msg or something, and i'd pop one back.. im now 2 hrs ahead of you (instead of 3 hrs) cos of daylight savings, so i'll try to stay online later on the weekends..

anyway, my clique (consisting of jon, em, huayming and rob) went for a movie tog.."music and lyrics" on the 27th march.. its a pretty good show, i recommend you to watch if its still in the cinemas.. esp watch hugh grant doing a silly 80s kinda song called "pop! goes my heart".. omg simply hilarious. thats the cheesy song we're so into now. *dun remind me of the dance guys...* *blush*

well, the two other featured songs were pretty good too "like way back into your heart" and another one which title i cant remember (the one hugh sang on stage to drew).. reminds me of my silly poems.. hahah! =X

well, i'll try to update as much as i can k.. tag me so that i know you are alive... hahah!

8:23 AM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y

lamentations...

where are you my Lord,
why have you hidden your face from me?
show me so i know You are there (for me),
Someone i can trust,
show me so i know You are here,
right here in my heart.

i yearn to be where you are,
beneath the shadow of Your wings!
cast me not away from your presence,
and take not Your spirit away from me..
for i may survive being alone,
but without you i am gone,
i am none.

have i been blinded to the cares of this world,
that i no longer see You for You,
or have you decided that i am not worth it?
for i know i have been running back and forth,
and know not of the direction set out for me.

You know the little trickle in my heart,
waiting to overflow like a gushing stream,
meandering the curves on the banks,
removing bits of the earth,
from a tiny stream to a roaring river,
into the vast open sea of Your love.

let not this trickle,
be consumed by the raging fires in the pits of my hardened heart,
hardened by life's disappointments, fears and troubles.
but i desire Lord,
for the wave of Your love to extinguish that very spark of hurt and flame of anger,
the source of the pain,
so that the wave of Your love may once again seep into this stone heart,
and soften it for You to use and mould once again.

i know have lost the goal in which you have set for me,
and in the depths of my mind and heart i truely know You have not forsaken me.
but where are You my Lord?
where can You be?

show me my Lord,
show me.

with all my heart i yearn for You,
with all i am,
with all i do,
Your unworthy servant, sam

1:14 PM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y

well,
ben and rena's finally married!

gratz to both of you!
was really tired after the ushering thingy.. hahha but the wonderful dinner was our wages i guess ^_^ yum!
well, we youths did a lil poem for ben and rena, a lil cranky with the props, but yea, the both of you mean alot to us!
i pray that God'll bind you two in love, and guide you two as you walk together in this journey togetther ^^

11:14 AM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y

well this is fir the mission trip on the 24 to 27 nov..

whoaaa... the road trips to the villages were soooooooo fun! we travelled up to the villages on 4 wheel drive hiluxes(the name of the pickup vehicle), up the uneven mud terrains, around 14 people standing on the back of the 4 wheel drive, all the time avoiding the bamboo shafts and branches and twigs than over hang the side of the dirt tracks. the people in team 1(those who went up to the villages) all played some game with that avoiding! hahhaha.. everytime we siam(avoid) the branches, we "gain exp points" hahah! especially when we encounter deep potholes or really hard bamboo poles.. i think jeremy from SA got hit by one.. ow.. now that i rmb, almost had a thorny vine like part of a plant that almost caught my neck like a noose.. thank God the guys warned me, and also that the thing came loose simply like tt..

i must say i wasnt really prepared for this trip as i had little news regarding the trip and was really busy with my lil projects.. well, all in all, i must say im glad i went for it, and it really taught me a alot, and showed me a whole new perspective on who God is.

i realised in Singapore we're all so pampered, and often tend to get lost in our "busy lifestyles" that we often dont see the simple things in life, especially the small things God does for us that mean so much..

the orang Asli taught me, in their "simple" worship( no drums, electric guitar,bass etc), what it means to worship God whole heartedly, and in adoration. heir houses were just bamboo huts ( which were surprisingly strong!), their clothes werent the latest gucci, or nike, the "housing estates" were simply just kampongs, and yet they lived contented (or so it appears to be).

the whole environment gives me such a homely feel.. i really wouldnt mind going there again to help out here and there.. ohhh and we really had a good dip in the rapids (cos we dint get to bathe cos we werent in the base camp..) but eldris(i hope i spelt your name rightt bro) got washed by the current towards the 2nd part of the rapids, and i went after him.. only my mistake was being too engrossed in getting him, that i dint warn the rest, and they FOLLOWED me down the rapids cos they must have thought i was having fun.. hahahaha.. so in the end, practically the whole team(less mr mah and the pastor) were down at the 2nd part of the rapids.. hahahhahah!

we helped each other out and back on to the calmer parts of the rapids.. well, saw the BB spirit in that lil incident! haha GOGO Boys brigade! feels so nostalgic thinking of BB! heh. got to "impart" some techniques of river crossing to the BB boys! haha!

"thank you Orang Asli, for the lesson learnt, and above all, thank you God for showing me who You are."

10:07 PM; yep, thanks Papa God for the new day. Y