Nobody said it was easy

Transition isnt that hard

Its been a month since i have done a proper post so here it is. After ORD-ing, life pretty much becomes very dull and not happening at all. Yes i do get alot of free time on hand now but i realised i dont really have much to do. Went to china a few weeks back and yeah it was definitely fun there and i bought a couple of things. Nonetheless things are pretty much the same when i come back. Eat play sleep. I need a job soon and needlessly to say, get my body clock back to waking up early. I dont really know what my brain wants from me but i have been getting nightmares recently. And they have been revolving the one fear i have in reality: to go off without saying goodbye. Not that im not afraid of death but honestly im scared to die suddenly without saying a goodbye speech or something. 

Or maybe i have to playing too much zombie games lately such that i get so obsessed with killing until i get killed myself in my dreams lol. Be it L4D on the com or Dead Trigger on the phone, its about survival of the fittest yknow. Its like who can play the longest rather than who can survive the longest. Lol. But when i start these zombie games means that i havent been thinking straight lately. Things are running through my mind such that i have to go kill zombies over and over again to distract myself. I hate doing that cos at the end of the day, you realised that yes, you have successfully distracted yourself, but hey, you lost the whole day too.

Oh sidetracking, i think that its the time of the year again where you do all your reflections on what have you done in this year and how you are gonna improve in the next year. Well well, at least in this year i have picked up the courage to do certain things so that i wont die regretting not doing them. Maybe it seems like a simple action or nothing at all to the other party but it really means alot to me. So thank you thank you. Oh oh and everyone seems to be getting together with their other halves! Well im happy to stay by my own half and that i wish that you all will too. Love is not about being there for your half all the time, or buying presents at every anniversary, bla bla bla. I think love is seeing that your other half is happy, you will be happy. No matter whether you are there anot, it doesnt matter. As long as he/she is happy you will be. The rest that are single, suck it up single is good too. LOL

ORD lo!

Im not a guy who is good with words or likes to praise people over nothing. I find it pointless to say sweet/nice stuff to people just because I need to be the good guy and thus "obliged" to treat them well. Aint nobody got time for that! So for those who think that Im pacifing yall, bitch please, Im not so free to give people praises can. And because of this, I dont say sweet things to my gf and those mushy mushy stuff that all guys seem to do. I dont know how ying feels about this but regardless, Im not changing. I guess this says much about my character but... No I cant change.

Well im only left with 2 more days in the army and as much as I would want to get out of this hell hole, I will definitely miss my guys. No matter what, they are the ones who made tekong a much better place to work in despite all the fucked up bosses you can have. I appreciate all of their help they have rendered to me in my term and I hope things will still run well and they stay just as badass as I have taught them. XD Anyways before I ord, I finally went for a last round of crabbing in tekong and although we got just 6 crabs out of the long hours over the night we have spent, I believed for those who helped, we felt good hahaha. And the chilli crabs were awesome! 

Last thing on my mind... Well friends. It hurts me to have any form of argument or dispute among us, especially for friends that I have held dear to me for so many fucking years. I try my best to be less serious and less anal about things when Im around them, but they just get jumpy whenever things dont go their way. Do I not mean anything to you? Im just sick and tired of this "important to you anot" crap. If you arent trying, then I will stop trying to keep this friendship. Cos WHERE GOT TIME????

'Cause I will never make it

Time passes and friends come and go. Throughout my secondary school, JC and now NS, i know that friends... are just friends. Yes you might categorise them and the effort you put in to maintain the friendship with them depends on the category they are in. However your categorization of them will be different from theirs of you. This is what affects me the most. When you prioritise someone but that someone doesnt give a shit. Then again maybe someone else out there prioritises you but you too dont give a shit. I miss my friends, i miss having fun with them, i miss all the shit that we did together. But one has gotta move on right? No point looking back and regretting about things you dint managed to do. Im alrdy at the end of my 4th hurdle of my life. I guess i still have a couple of months more to prep myself for the 5th hurdle. 

Sidetracking, you know how irritating it feels when you know that you dont mean anything to anyone at all? When people dont fucking listen to what you say and still expect you to understand how they feel? So what if you are wearing a rank higher than me? So what if you are older than me? So what if you are my family? It doesnt matter who you are because i work by one simple principle: Treat me well and i will treat you well, if not i will let you know what is hell. I had enough of taking in people's shit because im always the useless and pathetic guy who cant make anything out of everything. Okay done whining bye.

In life, we make choices

Decision making skill is one of the hardest skills you can ever master in your entire life. That is because you cant see the future. You dont know what is gonna happen if you choose this path as compared to you choosing the other. Thus only at the end when you look back, you realised that you have made the wrong choice. But hey, no one is at fault here. Everyone makes mistakes and regardless of how grave that mistake is, we should still forgive and forget. However, mistakes do affect your decision making skills. You learn from your previous mistakes and thus you choose to take the other path this time round. But then again you realised at the end of the path isnt really what you desire and BAM! You are left with no choice to make. And so you stand there, doing nothing or perhaps, nothing to do. Maybe one day you will realise that doing nothing is the best choice after all.

ORD? Where got time?

Im counting down to my ORD date everyday. Okay not exactly true. But i just know that its roughly 2-3months left. Its not a very long time and i think before long i would have to bid farewell to my friends in tekong. This isnt a sad/emo thing but when i think back.. I really felt happy to have all of them by my side through all the shit and tough times. This is what friends are for right? But then again, what you hold dearest to your heart may not apply to others. What you prioritize may not be the same as the rest of your friends. 

Take for instance, i remember there is this one time i reprimanded my friend in the group whatsapp openly because he didnt do his job properly and had to have someone who's gonna ORD the next day to cover for him. It may not sound like a big deal, but as an officer/superior/whatever-fuck-you-call-me, i cant just sit back and watch the show right? This just isnt right. And so i told him off right away cos i dont give a shit about his feelings. But to many, i may have gone overboard. So i really dont know. What i can see now is that he is picking himself up recently and im glad. As a HQ, i really want all of us to be bonded. However, im starting to see us falling apart. I dont wish to say anything but when i ORD, i really hope the bonds that we use to have can stay strong and not break just because we are 2 separate branches.. Hais. What to do? Just ORD bah...

Feelings to be understood, thoughts to be heard. But there are some feelings and thoughts that shouldnt be understood or heard at all. Simply because its pointless for me to do so. What can i change if i let myself heard? What can i change if you understood my feelings right from the start? Things wont change cos i know it wouldnt. And just because you think that its easy to just say "fuck it" or "sorry im not ready for this" doesnt mean it will be easy for me to accept it.  

'Nuff Said

One Fine Day

It is a sunday again. The last day of the week where we could let our hair down and relax after a tough week. We have hardworking friends who work on sundays for that extra allowance, friends who are so tired they spend the day sleeping, friends who game the whole day without any rest. For me, I choose to enjoy myself the whole day because I know for myself, it is gonna be a long week ahead as usual. 

I wont say life in tekong is good. Yeah yeah admin work is considered good life to all of you because what could possibly be better than have an air-conditioned room as your workplace? Not having to stand in the hot sun teaching recruits, saving their asses in live grenade throws or doing all the physical training with them. I face people and the computer 24/7 day and night. What could possibly go wrong or so difficult doing admin work? Simple. The people that we are dealing with. With the amount of shit Im thrown at everyday, whether it be people screw up or people dont do their work, it will be my fault one way or another because I did not prevent all these things from happening. I complain I whine because everyday i get maligned everyday I get scolded. Trust me. You wont feel good just because your rank is lower or you are a NSF, you gotta suck it up when things go wrong for you. No praises or credit given when done a good job and only sarcastic comments and harsh remarks for doing something wrong. Tired of waking up in the morning only to find myself dragging my feet to work, tired of facing of the people that I hate with a big ass grin on my face, and so tired of all the bullshit I have to endure during my time here.

However I used to and still believe, no matter how hard life is, it still goes on and you just gotta move on.

I aint giving a shit anymore

Have you ever gotten so tired of doing something, and when people dont recognise your efforts, even telling you off for not doing your job properly? Somethings just aint worth the effort doing but we still do in the end bcos we are stupid or we have no choice. A simple action, simple word of reply shows how interested one is in anything. If you aren't interested in what I do then I wont waste my fucking time updating you. Maybe you stay out of my sight, stay out of my life, I could get the job done faster and more efficient. So much anger, no place to vent on. Why cant we always get what we want??????? 

Just like that

When you are sober 'nuff, you will know and see what you are doing. What can possibly go wrong?

Forget Everything

So much to say but no words to express myself. Im tired but I will press on. So I hope you do too. Tough times dont last, tough men do.

Change

I guess it's about time I find back my motivation and goal in life right? Hahaha I'm sorry if I have pushed any of you guys away my friends. But thats me, a jerk, an asshole, a dickhead whatever, but as long as Im not one to my dearest, everything's fine by me. I know it's cruel but that is life. You dont always get what you want, so we are constantly trying our best to cherish what we already have. I agree that I have indeed neglected you for quite some time and I know that Im not the perfect boyfriend. Not the tall, rich, handsome guy that every girl is dreaming of, but I will do my best to make you happy, at all costs. Frankly speaking, I picked up smoking 1 month back and let me tell you that, it doesnt solve any anything at all. However it has one very good use: It gets you high and ready for more work/stress to come. However I wont recommend anyone to smoke but lets just say that its damn shiok uh. ;) And that aside, Im willing to put it down too. For you. Anything for you. There are only a couple of people in this world that I will do anything for, but dying for them.... Ugh I need more brain cells to make a decision regarding that. XD

Serious stuff aside, I have already started pushing my friends to train for the upcoming AHM! Hahaha realised that its ME who is pushing. Its so damn true that people get lazier when they become commanders or permstaff. Lazy to get out of your couch, lazy to put on your running shoes, lazy to go that extra mile to clock in the mileage. Besides the upcoming AHM, I have signed up for this newton challenge too.. Its a 32km run (I know the distance is abit weird) but Im only hoping that the finisher tee is nice. XD THATS ULTIMATELY WHAT WE ARE RUNNING FOR WHAT. Hehehe how I wish I can spend my whole life running and running.... chasing that one dream that will never come true....

And so you chose to scoot?

Forget everything. Just remember what a failure you are. All the things you have done all the things you have said. It doesnt matter at all. Cos you have failed right from the start. A loser and a failure. Man this blog is turning into a whining place. Oh well.

A Vicious Cycle

The long weekend is finally ending. Feeling abit sian but Im just glad that everything's back to normal again. Though it's back to the life that we all don't wanna face as NSFs, we still have to face it. Lol I dont wanna to whine or complain or bitch about stuff because all I know is that I have an "everyone-thinks-it's-lepak" admin job and yeap, just 6 more months to liberty! So I guess I just gotta hang in there awhile more.

Im a person who needs timeouts from time to time ykow? That's why I picked up running. Running can either take my mind off stuff or give me the time required to reflect and stuff like that. But the problem now, running is also getting abit boring for me. I wanna buy a road bike soon so that I could at least have a choice on what to do for a timeout. Seriously speaking, Im really tired. Tired of facing reality, tired of doing the same thing over and over again. And this, Im referring to so many so many stuff in my life now. I dont know what I can do to make things better or I am the one doing things the wrong way, either way, no one is giving me any advice and I wont be listening to any. 

Wont it be great to just disappear from the this world for a day or something? Then go around seeing how things are running without your existence? I thought of that before but then a part of me tells me that "dude, you arent that important to anyone, your disappearance isnt a big deal yknow?" Low self-esteem. I have that. Oh well, back to reality. Time to pack and rest for tmr. It's just another week of shit. Lets go.

All Alright

I know that life in Singapore is hectic, its tough and its pressurising. And thats why being sick sometimes isnt really a bad thing. It gives you time to recuperate, take your mind off work/studies and most importantly, it gives you a darm good reason to escape from this cruel, unforgiving reality. However that doesnt mean that we can just take mc for no apparent reasons because thats what causes trust issues and it will ultimately affect your work efficiency. Im not complaining that the army has lost it efficiency but the fact that we have staff who knows how to bend the rules makes working alot more pressurising and less efficient. I dont know how many of you will agree with me but so far in these 4 months working in the HQ, I have definitely seen alot of office politics and that Im a person who cannot stand work not being done, I joined in as well. We hate each other and refusing to ask help from each other, resulting in so many problems yknow? I just cant wait for the next 6 months to be over and hopefully anything else I do in the future will be less stressful. 

    

Life and stuff like that

So we are back to the matter of maturity. If you had a choice, what would you have done instead or rather, how would you have done things to make your life better? The key word is "If". Life is so cruel, it doesnt give people second chances and doesnt let people have their way. People say army makes one mature army toughens one. Toughen? Hmmm sorta if you look at it in terms of mentality and physically. Mature? Not really. Army just makes you accept the fact that when you meet a problem, you have to face it. No escaping. Does accepting fate make you mature? Im tired of escaping from problems, running away from them. Admin work is tough cos you have to face lots of time constraint issues and yada yada. You can whine you can complain but at the end of the day, you better get the job done yknow? I wont say I have matured but I have seen through the fact that crying/whining/complaining dont solve the problem so why waste your time and effort on doing those?

Im tired. Tired of doing the same thing everyday. Tired of seeing the same people everyday. Tired of saying the same words everyday. But what else can I do? Sometimes I wish I could take a break and disappear from this world for a short while. Go and play/do whatever I want. I want to do extreme sports! All the parachuting, etc etc. I want to sleep! Have a good night sleep without having to worry whatever is gonna happen the next day. Oh well but all this aint gonna happen. Because this is life.

Angry

Apparently theres this bump that grew on my back and it hurts alot. Having to bear the pain for 3 days and counting isnt easy. Im very easily agitated and my friends all could see that something is wrong. I wasnt myself for these few days. I thought alot recently, figuring out what i want and what i wish for. Until now i havent really got it sorted out, but im quite certain of what is in place for me in the future. But i can swing to the other end of the spectrum where i feel completely lost and everything seems to be in a mess for me. Yeah just for me. :) i dont ask for anything from you, just a little bit of concern as a friend. Is it that hard? I dont ask for anything from you, just a little bit of praise as a superior. I dont ask for anything from you, just you to shut the fuck up as a bullshit generator. Nothings going our way. I hope you can see that and live with it like how i lived with it 3 years ago.

Friends

Nothing can describe how Im feeling now. To see a friend change that drastically, it became hurting for me to think about it. Ive seen so many of my friends change, from an enthusiastic guy to a can-slack-jiu-slack guy, from a honest guy to an everything-also-fuck-care guy, etc. So many have changed after months or years, even I cant deny that I myself have changed. To see you stray away from your beliefs, I cant help but ask myself, "What happened to you?" I cant help but ask myself, "Could I have done anything to help you?" Then again, nothing. I couldnt have done anything. You have total control of your own life. How you want others to look at you is determined by you yourself too. I have no rights over your life and so I can only stand by you, giving you all the support if you even want it. As a friend, I have done my best. So why am I still feeling so hurt?

Something that I found and would like to share ^^ Credits to http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/17-things-running-teaches-you-about-life/#pi36osRU31IDhQkE.01!

17 Things Running Teaches You About Life

1. To be good at anything, you have to put in the time and effort no matter how talented you are.

2. Your abilities and someone else’s abilities are not the same. Do the best that YOU can do.

3. If winning is your objective, realize that you have to work 10 times harder than the next best person.

4. No matter how hard you work and how prepared you are, disappointments will happen.

5. The most gratifying experiences usually come as a result of enduring the most painful trials.

6. To be great at anything, you have to risk failing terribly at it.

7. A lot of people endure the same pains that you do.

8. If you focus on putting one foot in front of the other, you will eventually reach the finish line.

9. You cannot reach the finish line unless you start.

10. The mind is a very powerful thing. If you can train your mind to keep going even when your body wants to quit, you can achieve some incredible things.

11. Learning the difference between physically being unable to continue and giving up.

12. Accepting that every day is different — some days 5 miles is really easy, other days it feels like a cruel punishment.

13. Pace yourself.

14. You cannot give 100%, 100% of the time.

15. Sometimes you need a day off, a day off from everything.

16. The worst time, the slowest pace, the last person to finish the race is still better off than the person who refused to try.

17. Even if you fall, even if you cannot finish today, you can and should pick yourself up and try again tomorrow. 

Life

Frankly speaking, training up the body isnt an easy task. It is easy to say "hey Im gonna start working out, build some of that muscles on my body and look good!" than to really do it. The main reason is that getting a hot bod isnt an overnight thing. So much effort and determination has to be dedicated in training but little results will show over a long period of time. Thats why over all these 1-2 years when I have tried my best to train whenever I can, maybe I have grown bigger by a bit but the results is not satisfying enough. Ugh whatever. And dont ask me why I want to be big, simple. Because Im short. I have to make up for that.

Just tidied half of my room. Super messy can. Just realised I have accumulated a huge amount of junk in my room over a short span of just 5-6 months. But tidying the room is sort of like tidying up my mind. Putting the right thing in the right place and making sure that everything looks okay on the outside regardless of how messy it is inside. Im having an interview on next Tuesday. The whole SMU application was meant to be a "joke" because I was so certain that the uni will not even consider my application but ying told me to just give it a try and yeap here am I, panicking over that stupid interview Im gonna have. Im not good with interviews and I never will be. This low self-esteem of mine really puts me in a situation where Im kinda stranger-phobic. Not a good trait there but Im trying my best to overcome it.

So thats life. Wake up, work, eat, work, eat, train and sleep. This cycle will go on until the day I retire. Sad it sounds and thats why you have to look for that one source of motivation to keep you going. Heres the new song by PSY- Gentleman! Omg GaIn is so pretty. Lol.

  

该醒醒咯

拿得起就得放得下。放不下就只有两个选择：学会放下还是忘了整件事。忘了两者之间所发生过的事，忘了所有的乐、苦、痛，忘了他的存在，忘了两者是曾经认识过。因为这一切的一切，都不值得我们留恋。逃避也是个方法。

2XU Compression Run

21km isnt daunting, waking up at freaking 330am this morning to run the race is. -.- All geared up and was ready to run at around 4plus. The queue for the toilet was terrible but it was worth it or else I would be like last year's stan chart mara where I pee-ed at the side of the road. Super embarrassing can. Well this time wasnt as bad as my first marathon because of the most obvious reason: the distance is halved. But nonetheless I felt the need to push myself even harder because the distance wasnt as long and I think I can do my best. However I think I had a timing of 1.45H-1.55H (I forgot to bring my watch) and that wasnt the timing I was aiming for but oh well whatever. The finisher tee is awesome but the medal is kinda crappy, like always. So.... One photo for you guys! Promised myself that I will take more photos during future runs but come on, everywhere is pitch dark in the wee hours. Take what photo sia.

Medal, bottle, earpiece. Everything i need for a run! XD

Obsession!

I understand how it feels like to be obsessed with a person. But if you dont control yourself, its so easy for you to become so irritating. It can be amusing to make fun of you about it but there are times when the limit is reached but somehow you still dont stop. Omg but thankfully my tolerance level isnt that low, thanks to my mum, else i will fucking scold you in your face. :D So i guess I can still take it bah. Oh well what can I do to stop your obsession? ABSOLUTELY nothing lol.

You will never get it.

The more I think, the more angry i get. Maybe things are meant to be this way, but I dont want to accept it. I want things to go MY way, not anywhere else. Im selfish, after all these while I still am. No matter how hard I try, I mean nothing to you. No matter what I say, you are always looking somewhere else. I have been nice to you all these while just because of one simple reason. It's you.

WHINE SOMEMORE LA

Work is tough. Living up to other people's expectation isnt easy at all. Especially when Im a newbie and all of you expect me to perform like an expert/pro/whatever. I admit that I have stagefright. Ironically, I used to perform my wushu in front of the whole school back in primary school. But yes, I need someone/anyone to stay beside me to give me the moral booster for me to gain my posture and confidence. Otherwise, I will freak out and everything that I have prepared will go down the drain, go to waste. Not to mention just because of a simple miscommunication, all eyes will be on me and as if Im in the wrong. I try my best in what I do, but trying the best doesnt mean the results produced will be the best yknow? So you cant scrutinize everything I do and fault me for every single little mistake I make. So what about all the good work I have done? Where's my praises? Nothing? I still move on and do my work regardless yknow? Its like when you are so high up in the working sector, you will no longer understand the pains of those working below you. Its so unfair but then again I have always said, "What's fair in this world?"

The other thing on my mind is the problem with parents. Parents are never easy to deal with. Especially the generation today, parents are so overprotective and kids became so pampered. We are an military organization. It may be a conscripted army but it's definitely not a school or kindergarten for your kids to run everywhere without rules and regulation. Yes there are phone numbers for yall to call but do you think its necessary to call directly into the headquarters? Numbers are not to be abused. Does that mean that I can call yall anytime in the night just to get you up to pee? Would you like that? Some things that have no particular reason or principle behind them, or rather that particular reason/principle is too ugly for people to know, why would you purposely want to rake it up? Would you like it when outsiders rake up your dirty little secrets? Apart from this, I also know everyone has their own job scopes. Although I say that helping each other out is good, it is still best you do your own shit so that you have full control and thus being able to  ensure quality results. And if you ever get to divert the work to someone else, let me give you a warning: Dont gloat in front of him. Dont let him see your fucking smirk. I swear that it's fucking disturbing and unpleasant to see that and it will definitely enrage you. Come'on you wont want to see me angry. You wont know what I will do to you.

I just want to feel important, feel appreciated. Not to be taken granted for. Is it that hard? Then for what reason am I trying so hard? How I wish I could punch all your fuck faces and not go to jail. HOW I WISH I COULD.

Life is about fulfilling objectives.

Well, actually doing a 4hour confinement duty on a Sunday isnt as bad as I thought it will be. The only down side of this duty is that I have to wake up so early in the morning and rush for the first ferry with a full bladder. Not a good way to start the day but oh well, I here blogging to pass time lol. On my way here, I met my BMT platoon commander. I have been seeing him around in camp lately but at the very bus stop that I take bus 39, it was a pleasant surprise lol. Everything was fine, just that I still feel weird to talk to him as a friend comparing to a year ago when he was still commanding me around. It was a long talk due to the duration of the trip and hahaha I was trying my best to show my morning grumpiness. Lol.

That aside, I collected my 2XU compression race pack yesterday. Wasnt very fantastic due to the not-so-nice-looking running singlet I got. Cutting was crappy but I would have to accept it la. That very day I went to try running in that singlet. The distance wasnt very long but it was good! Maybe I go for another run later in the evening after I book out. I can still remember in the past how much I hated running. But now, Im actually enjoying it. I like the feeling of being free of worries/thoughts during a run and the sense of accomplishment after the run. Dont you? Life in Singapore is so hectic that grown-ups have so little to themselves, let alone for exercising. Look at all the flabby arms and beer bellies. I dont want to be like them but one day I will. Even so, I will try my best to make sure that day will arrive super late. Determination is the key but Im not even sure whether I have that. Pfft.

Moving on! My friend keeps going ktv. Zzz I also want to go ley... D: But....

WHERE GOT TIME???!!!    

Its hard

Turn all your feelings into rage. Turn that rage into motivation. I train not because I have to but because I want to. Go away low self-esteem. Only then I can forget about the useless me back then.

It sucks. It really does.

Life has never went where I have wanted it to be. Plans made in the past and plans made now are totally different. Why? People around me have changed, I have changed. For the better or worse I cant decide for myself. That small little self-esteem of mine has been stopping me in conveying what I want to say to people or do what I wanted to do. There are consequences to that and of cos I have to suffer from it. Problems cannot be solved and I cant or rather, I dont dare to do anything about it. I only know that crying every night, slamming the keyboard while gaming, shouting into my bolster, running everyday can take your mind off your problems for that short period of time, but it wont solve them. Ultimately, if you are not gonna solve the problem then you have to learn to fuck care, continue walking and not look back. Fuck this fuck that, see, you will no longer feel pain or sad or worried, etc. Numb is the correct word.

Coming to choices in life, to make the right choice you have to make sacrifices. What sucks the most is that you wont know what is the right choice for yourself until the sacrifices have been made and then you see the whole picture. "Learn from your mistakes and move on." I can learn from my mistakes, I can move on. Just that it isnt as easy as many, including me, have thought before. What if you made the wrong choice? Too bad to say, but go emo, then find your motivation and look for a way out. If your wrong choice concerns other people too then you have to take them into consideration and your course of action will not be the same. You cant possibly force other people to listen to you and do as you wish, because they are humans and they have their own thinking too. You wouldnt like to be forced to do something you dont want to right? Maybe because I have this mindset thus I aint close with my family. I used to be that spoilt, wanting everything that I see, wanting everything to go my way, then I got beat up by my parents so badly and that I swore to myself Im never gonna seek help from them anymore. Thats bullshit of cos. Who can survive without their parents? But since then, I seldom talk to them, no longer confide to them my problems, because I strongly believe if I can tackle the problems myself I will, if I cant, I avoid the problem by not give a shit about it. Hahahah ninja yo.

Coming back to what I do everyday now, its really stressful when people dont reply your text or email regarding important stuff. I mean you do check your email everyday right? You do see that the email is of a relatively high importance right? You are a regular right? Ok thats abit too personal hahaha. Well, Im here trying to get the job done so that my boss doesnt lose his face in front of all the other big shots. So why cant people just cooperate with me? Fuck you, you, you and you. Yes Im pissed most of the time at work because of those MFs who dont cooperate or arent responsive. Dulan.

Give a fuck? No thanks

Aaaaand its cny again! I still rmb the cny back then was the worst in the 19years of my life. Knowing that Im gonna enlist STRAIGHT after cny really kills the mood. But for now, its my juniors' turn! Haha i can only say everything is gonna pass by so fast that by the next cny, you will be a one-year soldier alrdy. For me, I would have ORD-ed LOL.

For those wearing fanciful clothes and all, Im still wearing my tshirt and berms. XD my logic is that as long as my relatives have never seen my clothes before, I brand them as "new". Hahaha no 2 shit flying fuck were given! Even wanted to wear slippers but my mum reprimanded me so bo bian. Shoes then.

Sidetracking, everyone seems so busy recently. Or rather all the girls, including my ying, seem so busy. Uni is tough but ying has so much things on hand that she hardly has time for me. I try my best to understand her and give her time to study but nonetheless I will still feel neglected. :/ oh well, 10more months and I will go out and work. That should occupy me for some time!

Oh and as for life in ns for now, its been quite a good life in tekong. Haha sounds pathetic to keep taking the ferry in and out of that god-knows-where island but life in there is lepak. Hahaha really looking forward to ord liao. Cant wait ahhhh

Perfection? In your dreams.

Nothing is perfect in this world. You can be smart but ugly, you can be pretty but stupid, you can be...etc etc. Everything we do, every decision that we make in life are those which we have thought over and over again just to make sure we benefit from them rather than harming ourselves. But then again, nothing is perfect. We are bound to make wrong decisions and it's easier to say "learn from them then!" than to execute what is said. However I can say that I have sorta let go of the past and well, at least I no longer look back as often as before now. So no matter what my decision is and if I were to lose you as a friend bcos of it, I can only say too bad bah. Honestly speaking I feel that I've never been a good friend of yours from the very start. So fuck it shall we?

I made a decision 6months ago and now I reliving the consequences in tekong starting next monday haha. Block leave has ended and well I have been trying my best to keep to my new year resolutions. I ran nearly everyday and trust me, it isnt easy to take the first step out. But once the first step is out, everything will be so smooth-going and REALLY, you will get addicted to running! I want to have a good timing for my 2XU half marathon but it isnt easy. I dont even know whether Im a sprinter or long distance runner. Hais and why da heck am I talking about this anyway. Pfft. Moving on, going back to tekong isnt that bad! Got offshore pay and Im just dealing with recruits, no stress. 1 week into the commander prep course and I would say life is good. Looking at all the recruits now really reminds me of what I went through back in Taurus Coy. But things have changed and well, the army isnt the army back when I enlisted. Oh well, since things have turned out this way then so be it bah.

Its finally time!

PEAK CAP OFF YOU GO!

Finally. Even now as Im doing this post, looking at this picture really gives me goosebumps. The moment you throw your peak cap on that very parade square where you got your first cadet rank, you will realise how long it has been and how much you have went through. Even if my friends have changed, one thing still remains. That will be our friendship. I will never forget how we spent each day in the whole course of professional term in stagmont camp and hopefully you guys wont forget me too. Yesterday was the day when we forget all our grudges and hugged each other while shouting, "COMMISSIONED LO!" I will just thank everyone for being there and doing what you are doing as its what you guys do that make up the memories.

Section 3! Bros for life!

As for oj, yufei, jj and ying! Thank you so much for attending my parade. I was looking at you guys throughout the whole parade and you guys are what motivates me to continue to endure even though the president took his own sweet time to inspect us. Thank you thank you so much!! :')

THANKS BITCHES!

Special one. Thank you. 

Not forgetting my family of cos!

Had commissioning dinner after the parade with my parents. First thought that went through my mind was "oh crap, wont it be awkward during the dinner?" The reason being, we had a guest host on each table who is of a much higher rank than us and well, I was rather afraid that we couldnt talk much and the atmosphere would be so awkward. But in the end it turned out fine and I had fun! Of cos, nothing is fun-ner than going home straight after the dinner and having a good nights sleep. Ciaos!

Yes thats the awesome air force sir!

Have that positive mindset

4th day of rehearsal: This shit is really really tiring. Everyday I dread waking up and walking to the parade square with my rifle. Well, at least looking on the bright side, tmr we are booking out and we had finally received our postings and 11b (nric equivalent)! :) stay strong peeps for no matter what we do, we are the commissioned officers of the singapore armed forces in less than 48hours time.

Sidetracking, we went for a sharing session with the juniors just now. Apart from telling them the truth about signals, I believe that majority of the juniors wanted signals for the lepak-ness. Well they arent exactly wrong about signals being slack, but if thats all you are looking forward to in the course, you will regret. Looking back now, I realised that I had not gained much from the course. Everyone changed in signals. They arent the people I used to know months ago. Why does this always happen? Why cant people DONT change? Maybe I was the one who changed but... I really dont know. I can no longer see them as my good friends anymore. Just normal friends for now. Thats where you all stand. No where closer.

Left, right, left, right, all the way!

I've never gotten so black before. Standing under the hot sun for three consecutive and counting days just for one sole reason. For my parade. For that one time my parents put my rank on my shoulders. We all do things for a reason. Without reasons, we will just be going through motion and no one will benefit. I've asked myself so many times why do I choose the path of an officer where I can just slack off somewhere as a man? What can I benefit from these 9 arduous months of training in ocs? To some extent, I saw the bigger picture of being an nsf and an operational ready soldier. Not only we serve to protect our homeland, we are also protecting the things we like, the people we love.

Growing more mature through ns? I would say yes and no. Mindset wise I've not changed much but in terms of trying to understand the way certain things work rather than challenging it head on, yes of cos. I believe that everyone has their own personal values, personal likings. And well, we do get irritated at times when people do things we dont like. Actions that may be simple and insignificant may affect others alot, so I'm exceptionally careful of what I say or do. Here's the catch. Not everyone is like that. I understand habits cannot be changed overnight and I try my best to overlook all these actions. But when things get out of hand, I shut up and do nothing. Like literally. I really dont know how to handle irritating people and especially some irritating friends.

On a lighter note, commissioning in 3more days, ORD in about 10months! Haha time really flies. Just a random thought: Whatever we do now will be memories for us in the future. Although they arent gonna be real ever again and no matter what you do they will just stay as memories, at least they are once yours. Treasure every moment you have now cos you dont get a second chance in life. Dont wait till everything becomes memories, you look back and regret why dint you try harder back then. So rather than why dint I try harder BACK THEN, how 'bout I try harder NOW?

After 9 long months

I find it ridiculous that although the capacity of the grandstand is 5k peeps, why the heck do they allow only 4 guests per officer? A simple math will bring you to the conclusion that only 2k plus peeps will be allowed into the grandstand and that may leave the grandstand half empty. -.- Is that what you guys are looking for? Even if the president is coming, he cant possibly have up to 2k peeps as his bodyguards right? Im ranting on behalf of so many people who wanted to bring alot of friends at first but ended up having to sift out those "unimportant" ones. Well I think that most of us wouldnt care much anyway and many will confirm try to sneak into the grandstand for sure. XD Too bad for the organisers as this is their fault to start with. Meh.

Tan lines everywhere

To have a good parade, we have numerous rehearsals waiting for us in the coming week. I got sunburnt just after one single rehearsal and what will become of me next week? Prolly need more cooling/sun tan lotion lerhh. XD The tan lines are at awkward places if you can see lol. Half of my shoulders, half of my face and at my wrist. -.- Looking real weird. Oh well endure another 5 days and everything will come to an end. ^^

COMMISSION LO!!!

12.01.2013

So close so close! Just 9 more days and the wait will be over. We will all be transforming into young 2LTs from the all-senior-officer-cadets! No more marching, no more pumpings. And hello walking, giving people extras, being a king in tekong! But of cos we cannot forget our responsibilities too. :P but oh well, "freedom" soon!

The only easy day was yesterday

Aaaaand its finally 2013! Well sadly for this time, Im not gonna make a new year post because not much happened back in 2012 and so I dont have much to say. But nonetheless, I still have a bunch of good friends to thank for motivating me through the course of both BMT and OCS, and of cos they are my bunkmates. Be it Taurus section 4, Tango/Golf wing section 1 or SOCC bunk 3, I will always remember you guys for all the retarded mistakes that you make and well, I hope I will be remembered too. :P

Push! Run! Pull!

Ok now to the topic of new year resolutions. I dont really have any for the past few years because I dont really know what I want to achieve BUT for this year I have one. One simple resolution. Stay fit and if possible, gain some muscle mass. That will mean more push ups, more running and more chin-ups! Im not an exercise-freak but I do enjoy the sense of achievement after an hour of workout. So lets get down to business asap k? Today I did a bit and I felt rusty already. Hahah quite sometime never train lerhh, and if I really get posted to tekong, I swear I will gym every night. Yeah! Well  I can do without all this bulking up, staying fit shit, but theres one person I cant do without. Yeah thats you dumbi. I dont know what I want or what I will achieve in the future but I wouldnt want you to leave me thats for sure. But Im not confident of myself whether Im up to the mark for you? And yeah, I do agree Im still childish and retarded. Hmph. I will reflect on my actions more and I hope I will be a better guy/boyfriend/whatever to not just you but to all my friends. 2013 will be a better year right?

Oh well booking in tomorrow morning lo. Time for a mood change and get back into the army mode. No more civilian mode lerhh. Sad but inevitable.