Commissioning Parade

2 more weeks to commissioning parade.. And here I am, thinking about the life Im gonna lead after that. Most likely I will be going to BMTC as either a pc or staff officer. Oh well although tekong isnt the place I want to be at, I will do my best and hope to see my friends or juniors there! Rather than emoing on my bed about my posting tonight, I will just think of the time when I stand on the parade square and getting my rank officially. Its gonna be a proud moment for me after all.

Decisions you make

What do you do when you are bored? Some play their computer games, some talk to their friends, some go running/exercising. I try my best to game as well as exercising. I cant bear to gain anymore fats haha. Oh some will go clubbing too. Im not gonna comment on those who club but for clubbers, dont cross the line if you have one. Yget what i mean? You have a line you stop at it. You dont cross it and play/grind/flirt with other people of the opposite sex. It just turns me off when such a thing happens. Leave your hands and dick/pussy to yourself motherfucker.

On a lighter note, yesterday was christmas! I had lunch with ying and re-watched LOTR: Return of the King with her because her friends pang-sehed her. Lol but that means my gaming time was compromised. Haha! Ok la im not that mean. Well, since its a happy day, we should all stay happy right? At least for that day right? I know 家家有本难念的经 and so I, as an outsider, wont fully understand what you guys are going through and same goes for you all to me. But all i can say is no matter what happened in the past should stay in the past and we should look forward and not rake up the past eh? I know I look back alot in these few years but hey, nothings gonna happen and nothing WILL happen. So even if you cannot let go of the past, just dont think about it! We cant change anything about it too right? What I, as an outsider, or as a friend, can do for you all is limited. I can only be a listening ear and prolly give you some advice. I will not influence you because I really hate people who do so. You cant judge something just by hearing stories about that something yknow? Leave the decision-making to them and no matter what decision they make, you, as a friend, will support them till the end. I know my limits but I still wish I could do more.

Yesterday I spent the whole night with my cousins at my uncle's house! Having dinner and dancing to the xbox kinect. LOL it was super retarded and we had fun! Looking at all the hardcore dance moves (well, we purposely chose 'hard' diffculty) and we not having ANY dancing genes, its definitely amusing to see us play that game. Come on, everyone was laughing their asses off! Anyway christmas turned out fine in the end although I thought I will be one lonely bitch for that day. Hehe.

Three more weeks to commissioning parade. Three more weeks to my one black bar. Endure.

Extraction

Every once in a while, people lose things here and there. You may lose a wallet, a 50 dollar note or your mobile phone if you arent careful enough, but compared to losing a friend, all the things you have lost really doesnt mean much. Everywhere you go, its good to make friends. Enlarge your social circle yknow? And then you move on to another phase of your life. Thats when you meet new people and you start to make new friends again. Not saying that its unhealthy to have a large social circle, but dont you feel lonely sometimes? I need my good friends back but two days of book out to meet up with both my gf and them? Not enough. I need time for myself too. And that, I sacrificed the time for them. And for that I apologise. So many times I have pushed my friends away whenever they asked for a meet up during the weekends, be it my secondary schoolmates, AJ classmates, BMT bunkmates, tango section mates or SOCC bunkmates. So so so sorry. :(

From the day I was born till now,  I have lost a couple of friends. Yeah I still consider them as friends but no, life doesnt work two-way. I may be straightforward but Im dont mean my words most of the time. What I want is a fun and enjoyable friendship and not a serious and dull one. I can take jokes and I hope you can too. If you cant, then too bad. If you dont want to be friends with me ever again, so be it. You dont need me, neither do I need you. Over the years, I have made the effort to hold some of my good friends back. Talking, texting, it seems like its just not enough. Its like once you are out of their social circle, you are out. Like forever. No one gives a damn and I will no longer give one too. To think that we were close before and we actually ended not talking to each other again just makes me sad. I dont think Im one of those who will do things that leave a deep impression in others so please. Forget me.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Watched The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey today and well, I would say its a pretty decent movie and you guys should catch it. Good graphics, good humour and the creatures in the middle east never fail to amaze me. However the storyline was abit dull and not much action was seen in the movie compared to the LOTR trilogy. By the end of the movie, the story didnt progress much too. That explains how one book is converted into three movies. Sidetrack abit, the shaw movie theatre in bugis was damn cold, even people with jackets were shivering. Hands went numb for a while and my fever came back. Was feeling lil bit crazy but much better now. Oh well, if tomorrow my fever doesnt subside, I will confirm take attend c. Tabuleh tahan already.

Your Choice

Came back from Ex Libra on this Wednesday, found out that I wasnt feeling very well. Thinking that it could be just a minor illness, I dint take any medication and carried on with the daily activities. Went drinking at Temasek Club the next day, and I will say that a couple of mugs of beer did make me feel better that night. Popped two panadols after that and went to sleep. Fever and flu hit me today and I decided to see the MO. He said it was just a viral flu and told me to rest more. Oh well, now Im slacking in my bunk doing this post when everyone else is attending a dialogue. Being sick isnt a pleasant experience, be it minor or major illnesses. A simple runny nose or dry cough can irritate me for the whole day. I envy all of those who have very strong immunity system and ying will be one of them. No matter how times she stayed beside me when I was sick, she never gets infected by me. How awesome is that?

Moving on, after today will be the start of the last month of OCS. 4weeks. 4 more weeks of fun and pain with my bunk mates. After which, we will go our separate ways and who knows what we are in for in the near future after commissioning parade. Being a cadet/trainee has its pros and cons. Limited privileges, losing out in rank wherever you go are just some of the cons about being a cadet/trainee. That sucks but hey, look on the other side of the coin. You are not alone in the course, you go through shit together with your friends and you are let off pretty lightly and easily after committing a mistake. The pros outweigh the cons of being a cadet/trainee by so much that I will rather be a trainee for the 22months of my NS life if I had that choice. The adult life is cruel. The outside world is cruel. Nothing is fair and nothing is free. You have to fight for your own happiness, your own future and everything that you want. If you cant get it, two options - suck it up or try again. No point wasting your time regretting but do spend that little time reflecting and learning from your mistakes.

Little Things

Weekend was short but I will say its quite meaningful. Lets start with some serious business first bah. Ah hoong stepped out of his relationship a month ago and I finally had a chance to talk about it with him today. I realised that its really important you listen to what your partner has to say and not ignore it all the time. Some small actions may seem insignificant but as time passes and these actions develop into habits. And when it becomes a habit, theres no turning back anymore. People will get sick of bad habits very easily and eventually break up because they wont want to spend the rest of their lives with a person that irritates them almost full-time. Loving a person is about loving him/her for who he/she is and not how he/she dresses how he/she looks. Character. Choose your partner base on that and you can never go wrong. Im happy to have met my ex and Im even happier to have met Ying. Even though she is demanding from time to time (oops!) but hey, at the end of the day, a kiss and a hug from her means a lot to me. Frankly speaking, Im one guy who is easily contented. Meaning to say that a simple text from a good friend, a peck on my cheek from my gf, a hug from my parents, is enough to make me happy and motivated for a long time. So... I want to tell someone this now. Even if I have a gf, back then I still texted you because you are an important friend to me. But years passed, you never initiated a convo with me. Not even once. What are you implying? So Im not considered a good friend to you? You know what? Lets just forget it. Im not gonna try anymore. Its just not worth my time and effort over a person like you.

And... now to less serious business! Went out to queensway shopping centre to get my running shoes and had laksa for lunch. Super nice! Also went around orchard-somerset-dhoby ghaut for some window shopping and food was everywhere too. *drools* And so every Saturday is the usual time out, from this mundane lifestyle I have, with Ying. Cant wait for my ORD so that everyday I can have fun hee. Less than a year left babeh! Gosh time passes damn fast now I think about it. Gahhh and Im hungry now. Right. I shall sleep now. Nights world.

Lets start running shall we? 

Katong Laksa!!

Saybonsss!

Hot Tomato! Bottom one is dayum naise but top one tasted like ****

Think deep

Guys do pms. I swear we do. And when guys pms, everything irritates them. Recently I started to revert back to my old self, back to an introvert, quietly observing the people around me. What do you call as friends. Friends are people who you are comfortable with. Good friends are people who you can joke with. Best buddies are people who you can bastard without fear they will flare up. For this short span of 7months of OCS, I did make some friends, good friends as well as best buds. But then again, after my observation, I realised that my best buds arent really my best buds at all. It is kinda saddening to make this realization but I will accept it. That fact that my cousin once said, "Everyone in the army wears a mask." Im just foolish to be the only dude without one. 

Touching on the topic of army, today we had a surprise bag check. We werent supposed to bring phones but some of us did. You can say that some were honest some got caught red handed, but those who had their names taken down had to suffer a weekend confinement next week. Confinements are painful but at least they are better than guard duties. About the fact that we couldnt bring phones during office hours, I personally think that its kinda BS but since the rules and regulations say so, so be it bah. 

On the lighter note, today is book out day! However, when you reach a certain stage in ns, book out day no longer brings us much happiness and excitement already. Had a brief chinook-boarding brief before dinner and I would say Im pretty excited about the chinook ride on next tuesday! For those who dont know whats a chinook, its a type of helicopter. Then again, next week will be quite packed due to the last exercise of Signals. Ex Libra. We are nearing the end of OCS, no matter what we have went through during the course, we still made it this far as a course and Im proud of that. Im glad to have met my bunk mates as they are a fun bunch and hopefully Ryan gets his sword of honor, but most importantly his scholarship. Everyone has a goal in life, so whats yours?

For all couples out there and the special one in my heart, heres a song for you all. :)

Fit or Fat?

McSpicyyyy!!! Just when I felt accomplished after working out yesterday night, my dear weng hong returned from his short book out with my McSpicy! Although I did feel guilty eating fast food after working out, I chose not to be bothered and enjoyed the "once in a lifetime" macs. Yeaaaahhh! I still remembered I had a couple of stories with this crap back then. Having gastric pains is hurtful enough, but wait till you have stomach ulcers. I had an experience with them back in sec 4 and trust me, it wasnt a pleasant one. Having to be hospitalised one week before o levels really got me panicky about my studies. However everything turned out fine after I consulted a chinese doctor and took his medication. But I still flunked my Os anyway, but oh well, thats out of the story for now. From then onwards, I couldnt take very spicy stuff and McSpicy was one of them. Hahah I can still clearly remember after clarence's concert, the double McSpicy I had for supper got me sitting on my toilet bowl for three whole hours the next morning. But it seems that I have recovered fully from my stomack ulcers since yesterday night I dint experience any stomach upset.

And to what happened today. Nothing in particular for today but we met this instructor who was super loud, super unreasonable and super knowledgeable. I know he knows everything, but raising his voice at us for no reason and throwing a water bottle at some sleeping dude was just no go. Its the same case as after I stab you with a knife, no matter how many times I apologize to you, the damage is done. I cannot believe how one can dont see the negative effects of his own actions after a day of lesson. I mean come on, Im kinda conscious of the reactions of the people around me whenever I make a comment or do an action just to make sure I dont make a fool out of myself. Why cant some people do the same? What is so difficult to do some self-reflections on the spot so that you can correct your own mistake? People can be so rigid in their thinking that you feel like punching some sense into their thick skulls but then again, its not wise to get your hands dirty over these people. Two more days of his shit. Endure.

Standard Chartered

Haha I believed many of you have seen this photo but too bad. Its going onto my blog too. 42km isnt easy and having waking up at 3am and enduring all types cramps during the run, its really crazy. However Im still looking forward to running my next marathon next year so stay tuned for the next finisher tee k! My goal in the future is to complete an Iron Man. Go google it if you dont know what is it. Im still suffering from damn tight thigh muscles now so I cannot really walk properly. Hopefully I can recover fully by tmr! Till then....time to train my upper body. Getting fat if I dont do anything real soon.

Maturity level?

2 days ago was my birthday. Im officially 19yo but I believe that age doesnt really matter now. Looking back, its been three years since I broke up with my ex and approximately two and half years into the relationship with my current. Comparing the old me and now me, I personally dont think that I have changed alot over the years, both on the looks and level of maturity. I just think differently now compared to me in the past.

In the past, I always liked to fantasize about stuff and spend most of my time daydreaming. What did I get out of all those daydreaming? Nothing. Other than getting myself a gf before O levels and having her breaking up with me two months after. Nothing more. Breaking up hurts alot and trust me, you dont need a reason to initiate a break up. You may say that I was just living in denial, but till this day, I never questioned her why she made that decision. I suppose that I was too immature and Im never good enough. And so from then on I told myself I need to mature up. However, people have different perspective of being mature. On the serious note, I can be mature and not fool around like I normally do. But on the lighter note, I find it hard to not be myself. Saying someone immature is simply saying that you dont like that person's attitude towards a certain subject. Disagree with me up to you, but thats what I found out in these three years.

After I got together with my current gf, I realised that relationships arent easy to maintain and its not just about dating. You go into a relationship, hoping it will last till the day you die and try to make that a reality. When problems arise, communicate with each other. Know whats going on exactly and so you can find the solution. Breaking up shouldnt be the first solution that comes to mind and if it happens to you, admit it, either you are a player or you are a player. There have been many ups and downs in my current relationship but I will say, thats what makes me cherish the relationship more than before. Its not easy to keep her as my "dear" for two and a half years if we dont put in the effort to sustain this rs. Like my friend said, "What comes easy dont last, what lasts dont come easy." Of cos there are times where I have felt that being single is so much better, but the grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes having a rs can a blessing or it can be burden depending on how you see it. Sadly, I see it as a burden . But its a burden that Im willing to carry, as long as its worth it. Fucked up it may seems, but who knows? In the future my thinking may change again.

For my friends who have just broken up recently, I understand your pain and feelings. But leave all those negative feelings at night or at home. Cry your heart out if you want but just know that if you are hoping your ex gives a fuck, well no. He/She will not. Life is cruel and in your face. BAM! Overnight, you are single again. What can you do? Nothing. Just know that anything can happen in the future and if you are looking for that slight glimpse of hope for reconciliation, dont waste your effort. You may seem lonely now, but hey! Look around you. All your friends are here for you no matter what happens! 

First year of army

Blogging is never my thing but nearly a year has passed since I last blogged and my heart can no longer contain all my troubles. So let me pour it all out here k?

Start of 2013, I enlisted. Boarding the tekong ferry together with my parents, sister and grandma with a down feeling wasnt exactly what I was looking forward to. Before I knew it, I was part of the armed forces inside Taurus company as a chao recuit. Hearing stories from seniors and other friends, I dont know what I was in for and what to expect exactly. Its just like jumping into a deep pit, not knowing whether at the bottom of the pit are spikes or water. Confinement period. Three weeks in Tekong without booking out. Sounds daunting yes, but when you have went through it, no. Its supposed to help you accustom to the army lifestyle. You may think its not necessary but maybe it is. The impact of this doesnt dawn onto you immediately. Taurus was one of the most "xiong" companies in BMT. Well, I wont say its very xiong but neither it is slack. Not slack is because field camp was terrible, turn outs were like free, commanders were demanding. Not xiong is because you are not alone and everyone around you was suffering the same fate as you. I found the whole tekong experience enjoyable and I did make good friends there. The ONE lesson that I learnt from BMT was that "The army is not about me, or you, or him. Its about the guy beside me, you or him."

After the tiring 24km route march from the ferry terminal all the way to the F1 pit, we finally pop-ed at the marina bay floating platform. That feeling when you throw your jockey cap. Priceless. Stinky we were, accomplished we felt. Then came the one week break before I knew I was posted to OCS as an officer cadet.

Start of my officer cadet days. 9months. Some said its a very long and tedious 9months, some said it was a breeze. Since now Im already in the 8th month of this course, I will agree with the former. 9months aint easy at all. First two weeks were CLM. One white bar on your chest. I felt like a boss, finally having a rank despite being a trainee rank. I will skip the turn-outs and all and yes, after that two weeks, you get your two white bar rank. This meant the commencement of the next phase of OCS, Service term. I got into a "welfare wing" - Tango. First day was the worst for us because one of our instructors threw a unfilled water bottle across the parade square during a mere water parade. Scared of cos, but gradually, all the instructors began to be friendly with us and ultimately they became our friends. Lead by fear or lead by example, up to you. Soon, we finished another 24km route march and were presented our senior bars, three white bars rank. That also meant the start of our last phase, Professional term. It was a struggle between Signals or Infantry. But eventually I chose signals because all my friends went there and infantry will not be as enjoyable if you are not fighting alongside with your fellow section mates. However things change in signals. I lost the fire and drive to carry on in OCS and I stopped studying for all the tests. Obviously, I failed nearly all the tests and I believe now Im amongst the last few in the course. To say that Im ok with my lousy results in OCS is kinda BS but I dont know whether I have a choice. Some part of me says "Carry on slacking, since you are not aiming big in this aspect.", the other says "Come on, why cant you buck up? Surely you arent that bad." But now it doesnt matter anymore. Postings have been confirmed and so I will just look forward to the day I commission.

So thats basically my life in the army. Mundane it may seems, but in this first year, I will say Ive learnt quite a lot and made quite a number of good friends. Friends who will stand by you, cheer you on during outfield, friends who encourages you to work harder even you have failed in some tests. It doesnt matter which school you come from, what race you are, what family background you have, from the moment you enlist, we are all NSFs. HAHA. Well, time passed quite fast when I look back now and I wonder, what will life be like if theres no NS?