i seriously think i shd get enough sleep everyday.
Have my 3 proper meals.

so that,

I will have a better control over my temper.
I will stop feeling sick when i see food.
I will stop popping Panadols again, which i did today.
I will stop getting skinnier and skinnier.

and i will be HAPPY. (:

Anway, stolen one photo from Gladys' blog! ( sorrie gladys! =X )



Taken last sunday @ Bishan Junction 8!
Hearts them! (:

P.S. this photo onli contain less than half of the total number of volunteers in RSPHI.

The sweetest thing ever - Athene and Sin Hang bought a box of donuts for me today.
it's either i looked tired or i looked skinny.
Haha!
But anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS! (: (: (:

i sort of gobbled half of it with my sister when i reached home at 11plus. haha!
She's the only one i care for nowadays and the only one whom i wanna share things with.
We left half of it for tml morning. (:

I still haven't regain my voice.
it's terribly "sexy" now.

Oh, and if you missed it out from some entry,
i had a super bad time at the camp.
do not ask mi abt it ever again.
You can go to Gladys' blog or Hui's blog to learn more abt it.

Currently, i'm totally busy with my cca stuffs.
You can call mi stupid, but i love wad i'm doing.
No regrets.

are you enjoying wad you're doing too? (:

i'm feeling better after a good night rest already.

if things cant get better,
i'm leaving for the better.

P.S. i'm starting to pack my things slowly.

你真的很过分。太过分了。

It's my damn precious pillow.
You dun take it without my permission and let 二舅 sleeps on it.
you cant let this man whom i had seen for less than ten times to sleep on it.
you cant let this man who divorced his wife at the age of 60 for a prostitute to sleep on my pillow.
i hate you, my pillow is god damn filthy now. i realli hate you!!
and when i asked why did u do it without my consent, you dun freaking hell tell me:
"那你要我怎样？叫二舅起来拿掉那个枕头啊？"
no apology. dun feel sorry. i hate you mum.
you never feel sorry for anything you did. never.
"你现在是怎样？那个枕头是我的。"
all i can do was cry when you said tat.
fuck. i sleep with it for more than 10 years. i hug it every nite.
so everything tat you bought with your money is yours?
i bet tat was bought by daddy's money, not yours.
and since i am not bought with your money,
going by ur theory,
i am not ur daughter.
i realli hate you so much now.
and u freaking hell know tat i wont wake uncle up to get back MY pillow.
you jus keep stepping on me.

he's so dirty.
he's making my favourite pillow dirty.
he is your brother. not my brother.

at this point of time, i realli miss daddy.
pa pi, where are you?

it feels incredibly relieving to be sitting before my desktop now.
i dun wanna comment more on how fucked up things were for the last 4 days.
well, it sort of pushed mi so close to my tolerance for bullshit.
so much of it tat i felt like walking out on it.
I had a very bad sore throat now becos of it.

luckily i have support from ppl ard mi.
I LOVE RSPHI. (:

i dun care anymore.
i wanna complain for all i can in this entry.

I dun have a happy family, and i dun need to create false impression tat i have one too.
they are screwing up my life so much, but i cannot abandon them.
i hate them sometimes. on the serious note, i'm tinking of moving out.
"have u paid the bills?" this is the only thing u are concerned with.
PLEASE FOR GOODNESS SAKE, OTHER THAN ME, WHO ELSE WILL PAY IT NOW?!
DO YOU EVEN NEED TO ASK?!
YOU ARE WORRIED ABT THEM BUT U SLEPT THRU IT AND WATCHED MI SUFFERED.
tat's veri nice.

i'm so into saving money in whatever possible ways,
i dun feel like eating out with my friends,
going for outings, watch any movie, or stay out late for the nite.
I cant skip any work/tuition becos it would mean less income for next month.
every dollar counts, you see.
as a result, i have no energy and no mood even when i'm with my friends.
and becos i skipped so many outings, i dun even know wad they are toking abt.
gradually, i simply dun tok anymore.
i appeared in front of them for the sake of appearing.
they are unhappy, and i cant help it too.

the dark eye rings are getting worst. i wanna die. i hate the stupid idiot who shd be working but isn't working and made mi so fucking miserable. i hate him so much i dun even wanna see his idiotic face. what a parasitic-human.

at the end of the day, i realised who are the ones who truely cares, and who doesn't.
i miss the only person who will rmb tat i hate organising outing and would organise it in place of me.
i miss the only person who will worry that i haben eaten my dinner and buy sth for me.

even when i was super late for work on one occasion, the first thing my colleagues asked wasn't:"why are u late?"
but, "have u taken dinner already?"
something tat my own mother won't even bother to ask.

well, basically, everything is screwed up in my life now.
i have no shoulders to lean on.
no one to fall back on.
no home to go back to.
no support from anyone.

P.S. everthing tat happened were fabricated. they did not exist before.

i'm risking my life to be blogging now.

well, i have been working very hard this week.
I get an average of 5 hours of sleep everyday for the entire week.
Lowest sleep hours recorded: 3hrs.
Longest sleep hours recorded: 7 hrs.
spent an average of 16 hours outside everyday.
FREAK.

There is a camp next week.
It's freshmen orientation camp organised by WSC(welfare services club).
From 22nd to 25th.
It will be super hectic becos 3/4 of my committee is joining the camp. (zzz!)
so it means meeting every nite to do things. (oh no~)

Actually, it's fun to be in the committee.
We went to HSBC building to have meeting with our sponsor on friday.
it's like damn cool. LOL! =X

the problem is.
everyone said i looked so skinny/tired/stress.
matter of fact, i am. =X

Tigger said there is a obvious depression under my cheekbones.
She asked mi to weigh myself, suspecting tat i'm underweight now. LOL!
Girl, you also must JIA YOU!

P.S. XINYI! JIA YOU!!

was it becos of the rain?
was it becos of fatigue?
or was it becos it realli hurts still?

i decided to post multiple entries!

"what doesn't kills you, makes you stronger."
i have 2 ppl telling mi this within one week.

anyway, wad kept mi busy recently?
other than cca, it's still cca.

RSPHI will be doing a public performance this sunday, 20/07/08 again!
@ Bishan Junction 8 - Top of the 8!
Between 4 - 4.30pm! (:

i'm praying very hard tat this performance will be a success.
not that i'm pressurised by the fact that this is my first assignment after joining the comm,
but becos i was borned a perfectionist.
i hope i dun get too much adrenaline gushing into my blood tml nite when i visit the other song-signing group.
*praying super hard!!!*

How's a typical week of mine like recently?

Monday - tuition centre from 5pm - 8pm.
Tuesday - song-sign practice:10am - 1pm. waitress-ing:6 - 10.30pm.
Wednesday - committee meeting. waitress-ing again.
Thursday - same as tuesday.
Friday - song-sign practice. tuition centre from 5pm to 9.30pm.
Saturday - tuition(yishun):morning. RSPHI(clementi/kallang):afternoon. waitress-ing.
Sunday- tuition(bukit batok). tuition(jalan bukit merah). waitress-ing.

well, basically everyday, i wake up early and reach home late.
i detest weekends.
i will try not to work on saturday nights.
i cant skip any tuition/work becos i need the money desperately.
this equates to a super tiring weekly schedule.

i wont tell anyone tat i'm tired anymore.
i will say i'm working very hard now.
or i will say i will jia you!

i wont say:"sorrie. i'm super busy."
i will say:"jus give mi earlier notice, i will make time for you. (:"

i was studying my timetable for next sem.
i'm happy that lessons start at 10.30am on every monday.
i'm sad that lessons start at 8.30am for the rest of the 4 weekdays. (zzz!!)

anyway.
i was so damn pissed off at work today.
One Singapore family came with their maid.
The mistress has a nasty personality.
The other family members were fine.

Saga one:
*i was serving their beef.*
"are you gonna cook for us?"
"sorrie mdm, you got to bbq it urself."
"huh??!"

with a smiling face, my inner voice was screaming:"HELLO. AUNTIE. PLS GO TO OTHER RESTAURANTS FOR COOKED FOOD. WE DO TABLE BBQ. SELF-BBQ."

Saga two:
*maid sitting on a stool next to the table. no drinks was ordered for her. not even ice water. no food was offered to her. my colleagues decided to give a free glass of coke to her. everyone was tinking of how to go abt giving her this drink. i decided to take the drink and have a shot at it.*

"hello, this is coke. it's for you." *smiles!!*
*i turned to look at the mistress, smiled at her and went off to do other chores.*
the mistress did the most irritating thing ever.
SHE DRANK THE GLASS OF COKE.

she set my inner voice screaming again:"FUCK! FAT AUNTIE! DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY SENSE OF SHAME?! I HOPE YOU GET CONSTIPATION FOR ONE MONTH!"

alrite. alrite. i'm done with my rantings.
some ppl realli shd go to hell.
even if hell realli doesn't exist,
i will gladly volunteer to create such a place for them.

alomst 30 mins after the fat ass left,
my colleague showed mi one newspaper article found lying in the kitchen.
it reads:"Dealing with mistreating of maids."

i shd have taken photos of her dog-alike-behaviour and make her famous on STOMP.

P.S. xinyi. chill. chill.

走火入魔 - 丁当/阿信



阿信：對不起 剛才我 是不是聽錯
還是我 想太多 想到了昏頭

丁当: 天氣 不錯 開了窗 吹走臉紅

阿信：進一步 退一步 都害怕打破
更不想 在原地 永遠作朋友

丁当: 給你 線索 也給我 勇敢藉口

丁当: 下定決心 沈默
阿信：就讓沈默 為我們追究
丁当: 你和我
阿信：這一刻
丁当: 無聲的
阿信：耳語交流
合：卻突然震耳欲聾

阿信：一字一句一瞬間 走了火
丁当: 一天一點一轉眼 入了魔
阿信：忘了我從什麼時候
丁当: 忘了你為什麼能夠讓我
合：一步一步 走火入魔
丁当: 和我

阿信：一直猜 一直想 一直的揣摩
一直到 你變成 甜蜜的心痛

丁当: 如果 可以 把如果 變成結果

丁当: 下定決心 執著
阿信：就讓執著 為我們突破
丁当: 我和你
阿信：的小說
丁当: 這時候
阿信：出現煙火
合：讓情節充滿感動

阿信：一字一句一瞬間 走了火
丁当: 一天一點一轉眼 入了魔
阿信：忘了我從什麼時候
丁当: 忘了你為什麼能夠讓我
合：一步一步 走火入魔

阿信：一字一句一瞬間 走了火
丁当: 一天一點一轉眼 入了魔
阿信：如果你有相同感受
丁当: 感受到有種突然的衝動
合：放肆一次 走火入魔
阿信：和我
丁当: 和我

阿信：一字一句一瞬間 走了火
丁当: 一天一點一轉眼 入了魔
阿信：忘了我從什麼時候
丁当: 忘了你為什麼能夠讓我
合：一步一步 走火入魔

阿信：一字一句一瞬間 走了火
丁当: 一天一點一轉眼 入了魔
阿信：如果你有相同感受
丁当: 感受到有種突然的衝動
合：放肆一次 走火入魔
合：和我

阿信：如果你有相同感受
丁当: 感受到有種突然的衝動
合：放肆一次 走火入魔
合：和我


P.S. 爱情- 一把握在手里的火把。给你耀眼的光明，却也可能不小心烧到手。

Have you ever seen dark eye rings ard xinyi's eyes?

i jus saw them in the mirror 5 mins ago.

fuck.

P.S. someone did sth retarded when i met him jus now. LOL!!! =X rite, mr. someone?

i woke up this morning with a bad headache.
guess i'd been too hard on myself.
everyday is working day.
everyday i have to tolerate some crap from everywhere - family, CCA, work, TUITION.

i popped two Panadol and continued sleeping for a few more hours.

well, i still have a huge list of things to complete even thou i'm a little sick now.
like going to popular later, send emailsssss, pass down instructionsssss, monitor the progress of everything else.
it's contradicting tat i'm asking ppl to be on time when i'm always late.
well, i know actions speak louder than words.
i shall start with taking good care of myself first.
so, i shall go and bath immediately after blogging.

i received comments from ppl that i grew thinner.
so i'm gonna keep munching, munching and munching on food,
to go back to my normal weight. (:

while i was snuggling in bed jus now, i thought abt alot of things.
i will say life is pretty good now. and i like it.
but if i was given a choice, i would like certain things to remain unchanged.

i still like my girlfriends alot.
but i'm not sure if they feel the same way too.
sometimes, i feel immensely apologetic towards them becos i under-prioritised them.
esp towards cas, whom i promised to help with her studies.
girl, sorrie that i dun have time for u, u have to JIA YOU!

" girls, there is sth tat i want all of u to know - i'm sorry.
sorry that i couldn't afford to not work one night of a week jus to hang out with all of u.
sorry that i appeared cold and apathetic ever since after the quarrel.
u girls are still the most impt friends in my life. (:
last nite, i couldn't wait to clock out from work to meet all of u. (: "



anyway,
the dentist jus inserted 2 SCREWS into the gum above my molars on both sides yesterday.
super tiny ones, of cos.
"i can see ur wisdom tooth from the x-ray.
If it's in our way, we might have to remove it."
NNNNNOOOOOOO.... =X

i know i haben finished blogging abt my COR trip. =X
LOL! and i know it's super overdue.
but it's okie!
good things are worth the wait. (:

DAY 3 of COR - TREKKING!!! RAR!!



Yes. The mountain's peak was our final destination.
This was the place i made my holy sacrifice to the Royal Mosquitoes Empire of Karimum Island.
both my ankles were swollen with bites can!
i can still see the scars tat remained now! sob!



well, we din know wad was in for us.
so enjoy the radiant smile in this photo!
u wont see much of them later. LOL!! =X



alrite, this was the first checkpoint.
some shag, some still going on. LOL!



finally! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!!
saw the sea at the back of the picture?
Earth is a beautiful place.
filled with ugly human race. i'm filled with anticipation for the extermination of all of us.



THAT'S ME.
i looked like i jus jumped into the sea and came up.
SWEAT and SHAG.



everyone was forcing a smile.... LOL!



WELL DONE! GROUP C! (:

and u know, after u climbed UP a mountain.
u gotta climbed DOWN too. zzz!



this was how steep the slope was.
well, i did the opposite of everyone.
i was doing "spiderman" style.
i'm the wife of spiderman!
the coach there praised tat i'm good okie! =X LOL!



at the end of the trek,
we were welcomed by a miniature waterfall.
this is a special waterfall.
on certain days, it disappears. =X
LOL! so, weren't we lucky to see it? (:

DAY 4 and 5 will be another day.
they show my tanned skin.
so i'm tinking twice abt making them public. LOL!!

P.S. R.E.J.E.C.T.E.D. (: well, there are reasons why i wanna stay single. neither, him, him, him or him can change this. i dun nid anyone to tell mi wad i shd do.

now i know how it feels like to be you.

hopefully, one day, u will know how it feels like to be me.

今天，我终于明确地找到了我的人生目标 -
活得精彩，就算下一秒我将从这世界消失，也不会有任何遗憾！！

不过，目前为止，没法达到我的目标。
因为，遗憾早已经存在我心里。就那么一个。
非常希望以后会有机会弥补。
其实，说难听点，是为了减少一点我心里的罪恶感。

anyway, i do realise that nobody understands wad i'm blogging abt nowadays.
it's okie. i dun nid u to understand. (:

My sleep was sacrificed last night for my cca.
shag.
my senior slept at 3 plus in the morning, woke up at 8am.
me?
i slept at 7 plus in the morning, and woke u at 11 plus.
"the two of us like taking shifts."
Lol!

some things are never ending nowadays.
they come one after another, i cant even catch my breathe.
when i tot i shook one off, another seems to be closing in.

other ever-present issues in my life continues to perplex mi everyday.
i couldn't free myself from them.
they are the very reason why things couldn't go smoother for mi.

P.S. dun even try to raise ur voice at me. it disgust mi when u try to be concerned. are u trying to kid me? dun u know that u are solely responsible for my depression?

"WHY CUT UR HAIR???!"

LOL!
i'm surprised that some customers remembered mi and my long hair.
shits man.
the new colleague at work, tot i was his age even thou i'm carrying short hair now.
he claimed tat i speak like a madult.
madult = mature adult. madult. lol!
this is one of the many stupid things tat i learnt from my fellow comm members.
anyway, the main point was tat, he tot i am 25!!??
WTH???!!
he's in my hate list. LOL!

nth special happened.
no, there is sth happening in my life now.
but i dun tink it is worth mentioning in my blog yet.

on the side note,
while i was walking to work today.
i suddenly tot of sth tat was discussed during the comm meeting this morning.

wad kind of photo would u take to represent "Your Dream"?

i wouldn't tell u wad i have in mind here. (: it's a beautiful picture.

u shd do the smartest thing ever - leave mi alone.

well, if i have the time.
i will blog more. (:
if.

bye!

xinyi @ 1.58 a.m. (:

P.S. i'm gonna adopt a new style. i wont reply all msges in my tagboard! (: i'm not trying to be unfriendly over here. jus trying to make my life easier. after all, this is my blog. i can have it MY WAY. heh! dun like it? dun read! well, i told u. i'd changed.

Sam sent me this song jus now.
it's so good tat i wanna share with all of u!

Mariah Carey - Bye Bye



This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]