i'm realli all stressed up.
those kind of small jokes were nv an issue to mi.
but,
i got all flared up today.
i nid my rest.
i know i'm in the wrong fer showing my anger.
cos i can always take those jokes.
sorrie hf.
allow mi to cool down first.

STOP comparing.
i realli hate tat.
limin is limin.
xinyi is xinyi.
i can nv be like her.
and i dun nid to be like her.
u guys keep trying to strain our bond.
STOP IT.
final warning to everyone.
STOP COMPARING XINYI TO LIMIN.
i hab my own pride.
she is a good girl.
but all u guys nid to do is to praise her.
there's no nid to demoralise mi at the same time.
i know i cant even be compared to her.
so CEASE ALL COMPARING.
we are DIFFERENT.
it's getting super annoying.

limin.
no worries.
no bad feelings towards u.
but i jus wanna be frank to those boys.
my threshold of these bullshit is alreadi amazing high enuff.
so stop testing it.

and darric.
if u happen to read tis.
i must say, stop showing mi those kind of attitude.
wadeva u are unhappy wif,
jus say it.
u can jus say:
"xy, u're such a bitch. u are pissing mi so much. pls get lost."
and i will abide by ur decision.
but allow mi to redempt myself.
becos i realli cant figure out wad i did to make u so pissed off.
pls dun say sth like u are not gibing mi attitude.
becos those kind of tone u gave,
who are u trying to kid?

let mi count fer u.
i apologised THREE times.
and i receive none from u.
u can hab ur man's pride.
but i hab my own ego too.
stop pushing things further till we can no longer be frens.
and i know u dun mind dumping one fren since u hab so many of them.
but rmb, we belong to a clinque.
pls stop forcing mi.
I WILL LEAVE THE GROUP.
all these are realli enuff.
cant we settle all these peacefully?
am i realli such a difficult person to get along?
i'm so angry wif myself.

"wanna go k lunch tml? veri cheap lehx!"
"i'm working~ =( T-T"

"xy u working today?
we wan to go back to nbss band.
we're meeting ard 5."
"i'll be on my way to the restaurant le.
sorrie. cant join u all."

xie xie ni simin.
u nv miss mi out.
but i nv stop disappointing u.
sorrie...

i realli wan to go.
my heart said yes,
but my brain said no.
i hab alot of obligations.
i wan to play.
i onli wan to play....

all i wan is jus fer everyone to sit down at the dining table and eat some home-cooked food together.
realli.
simple, yet impossible nowadays.
i'm to blame.
i'm always missing in action.
so wad makes mi tink tat they will be free when i'm free?

"你以后不要回来吃饭啦！"

it hurts so much.

i wanted to do tis a long time ago.

i wan to say Thank You to u, Angela.

Believe it or not.
i tink tat u're a gift from God.
so, i shall thank God too.

it felt so good to hab someone coming to see mi at work,
and even bought mi a bread to eat.
tat's the tastiest bread i ate fer weeks.

to hab you fer companionship.
always there to listen to wad i've gotta say.
caught movies wif mi cos i hab nobody else to watch wif.
ate millions of lunch and dinner wif mi.

all these may seem small and insignificant.
but they are necessities in life.
without these, life will be such a bore.
Thanks fer being my fren.
i'm so bless. =)

TADA~!

finally hab some time to blog!
haha!
like meh heh, u may go:"wad the hell is xy so busy wif nowadays?!"
and i guess most of u hab found the answer urself too!

yea! u're rite!
busily working!

i practically wake up at 7 each morning.
leave the house at ard 7.45am.
travel a long, long way to sentosa.
work from 9.30am -5.00pm.
NO LUNCH.
den Chiong ah~!
go to the restaurant,
eat my dinner in FIVE MINS.
work again from 6pm to 10.30pm.
reaches home and finally get into bed at ard 1 plus.

tis is bad, isn't it?
i know.
stop shaking ur head! LOL!

this week is worst.
i'm working six days fer both jobs.
terrible.
my fri, sat and sun are totally packed by all these work.
but it's not realli as xing ku as u all imagined.
rmb! xy is strong! XD

honestly i was crying last nite b4 i slept.
fer all the hard labour,
fer all the bad luck tat i'm running,
fer the sarcastic and cold attitude from tis fren,
fer losing my temper at my mum cos she say:"u dun come home eat la! so ma fan!",
fer being understanding yet cant help but miss him terribly,
fer being asked to organise an outing again,
fer rejecting invitations to go out,
fer all the small little things tat are not problems but became one jus becos i've too many things up my mind now.

but i'm optimistic.
fully conscious of my actions.
absolutely forward looking to a better future!

All the touching quotes from Corner with Love!

“ 你真的来过吗？
如果有，为什么我会让你离开我身边？
如果没有，为什么心会那么得痛？”
- 小猪

“ 如果我们的相遇是个美丽的错误，
那么时间会治疗我们内心的伤口。
有一天，你无意间想起我，
仍然可以有一点觉得幸福，
对我来说就值得了。”
- 大S

KANASAI!

while casilin is happily blogging to tell everyone tat she won a lucky draw,
i am blogging to inform everyone of how SUAY i am!

here's the latest one.
believe it or not.
it realli happened.
zzz.

i went to replace my card yest morning.
DBS Staff:"Hmm, u'll have to wait till after 6pm fer the card to be activated."
so happily, after work today,
i went to civics centre to pay the whole tons of bills tat accumulated.
after which,
i went to the ATM machine as i wanted to transfer 50 bucks to my mei mei.
ps: she was my One-Stop-Cash-Relieve-Centre fer awhile.
cos i lost my card at the cash deposit machine = not alot of cash wif mi.

while i was browsing thru the options available.
the STUPID machine suddenly went:"Sorry! This machine is temporarily unavailable. System will restart now."
WAD THE HELL?!
my card is still inside!!!
my NEW card!!
my mind was protesting so loudly inside!

so i tried to calm myself down.
and i tot maybe after the system restarted, it will eject my card out.
but NO.
i stood in front of it like an idiot fer ard 10mins.
cos it was so slow!
desperately,
i called the familiar number again to report fer the "lost" of my atm card.

the customer service associate is called Nicholas.
me:"is there any chances tat tis machine will eject my card out fer mi?"
Nicholas:" No, it will not. all u nid to do is bring ur ic along to any DBS bank and they will replace one fer u immediately."
and dudes, tat is wad i dun realli wanna do!!
IDIOT.
i swear!
i swear i will get myself an OCBC bank account soon!
to hell wif D*S and P*SB bank!
GRR!

wad hab i offended?!
must be some SHAO BA XING!!

my atm card!!

AARRRGGGHHH!!!
I MISPLACED MY ATM CARD!!!!

GRRR!!

I AM SO ANGRY WIF MYSELF!!

WHY AM I SO BLUR?!!

ARGH!!!

Arts Of Lying.

“ 说了一个谎，
就必须说更多的谎来圆第一个谎。
这道理没人更你说过吗？”
- 转交*遇到爱

Learn to be candid, frank but not straight forward.
Also, learn to keep ur mouth shut if u feel like lying.

Dun lie to mi.

unless u're sure i wouldnt be able to find out.
unless u dun care whether i will be angry.

otherwise, i surely know when u did.
and u get the hell of mi.

and say HI to my new skin!
wee~!

better tag and say it's nice huh!
LOL!!

it's time to move on to another chapter of my life!
so many things hab changed.
so many things tat i cant change.
so many things tat are yet to change.

let's embrace the exciting future tat lies ahead!

wad makes u decide to hold on to sth?
fer mi,
it's PROVOCATION.
i DESPISE those freaking weaklings who tink tat jus becos they cannot achieve sth, it means tat i couldn't be able to do it too.
"Let no one tell u tat u cannot do sth jus becos they cannot do it. No one."
- Pursuit of Happyness.

when i told my restaurant colleagues that i am gonna work at sentosa.
there was onli OBJECTIONS.
selfish, i can onli say.
and so unsupportive.
althou they din spell it out,
i know deep down in them,
they fear tat i quit and walk out on them.

colleague A:"aiya, not worth it la! dun go!"
colleague B:"nvm! let her go and try! den she will know how tough it is!"

and inside mi, i was screaming silently :"OKIE, I WILL GO AND WORK AT SENTOSA AND STILL CONTINUE WORKING AT AO-CHAN!"

u can scold mi an idiot fer a million times fer chosing the sentosa job and not the bank job.
but i believe in doing sth I LIKE.
tis belief is so strong,
i was unshaken by the attractive salary.
belittling mi?
i shall let u discover tat u were so WRONG.

and so.
i am going to juggle 2 jobs HAPPILY.
feeling energetic all day,
and provide even better services!

WATCH MI SHINE.

well done!

*dropped the chopsticks on the floor*
me :"sorrie! i'm so so so sorrie! i'll get u a new one!"
stupid fat customer:"well done! well done!"
zzz.
wad's wrong?
the heavy sarcasm.
did i mention unforgiving too?
of cos i smiled to him.
and was silently cursing.
ppl shd learn to take care of other ppl's feelings.

phew~
finally!
i spit everything out.
i bet u dunno how good it feels!

and i went down fer a sentosa job interview today!
yea,
the one yj is working fer.
hmm..
i got the job.
but i'm gonna try my luck fer the changi airport job on fri first.
otherwise,
u will see mi at sentosa from monday onwards!
LOL!
cool?

it is OG anniversary today.
and know wad?
there is a freaking 30% discount!
so my colleague, janice, CHIONG AH!
and bought herself a GUESS wallet and handbag.
u see,
she is a WOMAN.
finally, i bought myself a new piece of umbrella too.
i spolit mine a few weeks back.
it's cute!
it's 19.90. =X

i am so sad now.
it seems like the msg fail to get transmitted.
like AGAIN.
wth?!
how SUAY can i get?!

i hab a few things up my neck now.
argh!
1. complete the NUS and NTU application form.
2. find a job tat pays mi at least $6.50/hr.

okie. onli 2.
but it's vexing enuff.
fer task one.
i dunno wad courses to put.
fer number 2,
i hab REJECTED the bank job offer.
the pay is good.
but it's jus so not in my blood to work in the bank.
at least not fer now,
when i'm onli 18.
i nid some hyperactive jobs.

regarding matters of the heart,
i hope i hab settled it alreadi.
now, i jus need time to recover.

fer my frens,
i'm sorrie.
but u guys will see less of mi.

suddenly,
i feel so lonely.
no sense of belonging to anywhere.
not belonging to any clinques.

tis is onli temporal.
it must be.

i din forget abt u guys.

to yimei: JIA YOU FER UR ITP! life may be tough now, but it will get better! take it as a test of ur life ba! i do understand how hard it is fer u. =)

to cas: GOOD LUCK to u fer ur application! you hab wad it takes, so DUN WORRIE!

to simin: u seem fine these few days, LOL! so i wish u to be happier okie?

to meh heh: take care my fren! i miss u lots. realli.

to yj: GOOD LUCK fer ur application too! hope u can enter NTU! start training fer ur ns ba!

to val: JIA YOU wif all ur projects and sch work. althou i dun realli know wad u're busy wif recently. but maybe one day, we will be as close as last time again.

to myself: XY! time to let go and move on. life will onli get better. u hab alreadi told him everything. so no regrets. life is full of hope! jia you!

=)

i dun like mind games.
they are driving mi nuts.
i hab decided to spit out all the things tat i hab been hiding in mi fer so long.
it's time.
no regrets.

i'm still tinking of wad i wanna do.
and i must say i hate the situation i am in now.
i so feel like dying to escape from all these.
it's suffocating.
it's killing mi.
argh.
jus kill mi!

i'm jus complaining~

hilarious.
there are 3 "kids" at my house now.
all of them are almost peeing into their pants.
know why?
they are watching SAW III.
LOL!
"欣怡！我可以不要看了吗？"
*SCREAMS*
LOL!!

i'm scare too.
tat's why i choose to blog now.
LOL!

吃不下，
睡不着。
为什么？

i'm leaving.
BYEBYE.

due to FIERCE demand.
u are now reading wif a font 2 level up the original size.
happie?
LOL!
i hope u are.
thou i prefer small things.
they look neat.

"she's crazy."
oh yes, i am.

honestly,
i tink ppl nid praises to live happier.
i like it so much when my parents' frens dropped by last time.
and asked mi how am i.
cos they will add a line :"u are his most precious daughter lehx!"
tis makes mi feel super good.
cos it makes mi rmb how proud my dad was when he mentioned mi.
*smiles*

but on the other hand.
to commit so deeply into a relationship will result in an even deeper cut in the heart when it ends.
my fear.
my fear of committing.
my fear of pain.
these fears can bring tears to my eyes.
it's sad,
but it's true.

SI JOLYN.

i'm so pek chek now.
nth is smooth.
now even work is giving mi problems.
HEY GIRL.
PLS LOOK AT WHO U ARE MESSING WIF.
I SHALL TEACH U HOW TO SPELL THE WORD R-E-G-R-E-T AND UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF BEING A L-O-S-E-R.
GO BACK AND BE UR MUMMIE'S GIRL.
DUN COME HERE AND MESS UP OTHER PPL'S PEACEFUL LIVES.
GET REAL.

maybe i will get the full blow of my own suayness next time round.
suay until tis kind of level.
probably walking on the street can cause mi to be killed by a falling object.
fer example, someone wan to jump building and landed on mi.
i died instead.
wah.
HAPPY ENDING.

excuse mi,
but i wanna say FUCK OFF.

"lock" at home.

CAN U BELIEVE IT?!
I AM LOCK AT HOME NOW!
WTH?!
tell mi!
how suay can i get!
si ren kor kor.
ALWAYS TAKE THE WRONG KEYs.
take wrong jiu suan le.
TAKE BOTH KEYS.
KNS.
shiok lorx.
my lock nid key to open de.
great.
shuang.
sorrie.
nid to ps u all.
i so feel like killing now.
GRRR!
GRRR!
GRRR!!
luckily i'm not rushing fer some job interviews or dates wif boys.
can i jus use some vuilgarities?!

SUNSHINE.

u are my sunshine!
my onli sunshine!
u made mi happie,
when skies are grey!
u do not know dear,
how much i love u!
pls dun take my sunshine away!

suddenly,
i miss tis song.

i am flipping all those university booklets and brochures till they are going to be torn into million pieces.
LOL.

HI GUYS!
XINYI IS BACK.
MUAHAHAHA!
LOL!!
the cute xinyi!
the happy xinyi!
the funny xinyi!
the idiotic xinyi!
the noisy xinyi!
the diao-u-still-can-smile xinyi!
LOL!!
MUAHAHA!
WO HUI LAI LE!

aww.
so tiu lian.
i was actualli so weak fer a while.
but nvm.
most importantly,
I STOOD UP AGAIN.
*STRONG*

who cares sia.
wadeva shit.
i am going to apply.
those bu-ke-nen can go in de also apply see see.
my onli problem now is i cant find sth tat i'm super interested.

i am also flipping the scholarship book.
i know u wanna slap mi.
cos i fail gp and i still dare to flip these books.
BUT.
who says i dun stand a chance?
thanks ts.
u reminded mi tat nite.
they state excellent A level results.
so i can still try horx?
dun care.
i will jus bump myself into all the things tat i am eligible fer.

dun tink i'm brainless or dunno i dun qualify or sth.
but i jus believe GOD ONLY HELP THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.
always rmb tis line.
*hints to someone* LOL!
i shall not gib up on any chances tat shone on mi.
it's fate i came across them.
so it's up to mi to do sth abt it.
rite?
okie.
in simple terms,
i'm jus gonna be THICK SKIN.
LOL!

carry on!
i'm not done!
story-telling time again!

Date: 5th March 2007
Venue: Yakinikutei Ao-Chan (my workplace)
Time: approx. 8 plus.

here it goes...
There was this uncommon group of Singaporean customers.
From past experience,
Singaporeans are really more difficult to handle than Japanese customers.
So my colleague got a bit piss off wif them.
and i decided to take over and do all the serving.
after going in fer a few times.
suddenly one of them spoke to mi.

Trudy: how long hab u been working here?
Mi: oh, ard 9 mths.
Trudy: oh. tat's quite long alreadi. so wad are u doing now? studying?
Mi: hmm, i jus received my A level results.
Trudy: i see, how did u fare?
Mi: haha. not veri well i supposed. cos i failed the most impt subject GP.
Trudy: aww! how come? wad abt other subjects?
Mi: hmm.. i got A A C.
*the entire group of them went :HUH?!"*
Trudy: huh?! den wad u planning to do? continure working here fer life ar?
Mi: huh? no la! but will try to source fer ways to go Uni.
*silence fer a few seconds.*
Trudy: Do u wanna work fer mi? i am working in a bank. come come, write mi ur hp no. i call u tml.

people.
i am not exactly tat suay.
i dunno.
the next day i went down fer an interview.
thank you cas fer accompanying me.
they are offering mi a six months contract.
gross salary of $1200/month.
after CPF dedcutions, maybe i get ard $960.
i am gonna work from 8.30 to 6 from monday to fri.
furthermore,
they allow mi to carry on working at nite.
i am considering.
they are asking mi to start on monday.
tat's great.
i can still go fer the interview on sat.
see how ba.
believe it a not, i do hab alot of plans jamming my brain now.
be happy fer mi.
=)


sometimes.
words are hanging at the corner of the mouth alreadi.
but i jus cant bring myself to say it.
i dunno wad's stopping mi.
but i am expecting sth more from u.
i know, unless miracles happen, u will nv do it.
time is running short.
i cannot promise we can maintain the status quo.
and i cant be sure neither of us will drift away.
wad makes u decide to keep someone by ur side?
it seems idiotic of mi to create more problems fer u now.
but it's now or never.
becos wad we are now makes mi stuck in btw and cant move on.
make a decision ba.
to let go and move on wif our own lives?
or do sth to make us closer?
i hate our current status.
we are nothing.
not even normal frens, u realise?
so strong, yet also veri vulnerable.
it hurts when u say u are unsure of ur feelings.
becos i am so sure of mine.
haha. i'm so difficult to handle.
i know i'm surprising u.
but i dunno how to tell u in person.
everything seems to be unfavourable fer us since long long time ago.
dun u tink so?
sth is lacking.
it jus so happen when we get closer,
sth will jus crop up.
it's so stupid.
we tok abt almost everything except this.
it's time we get realli honest, realli open.
i shall leave u some pride ba.
if u ever read this and dun wanna do anything.
dun ever mention u read tis before.
certainly not b4 u go ns or even after u went.
and most importantly,
i will stop contacting u le.
u know i always mean wad i say.
and tis shall be the last time i will do tis.
do ur maths ba.
i wait quite long alreadi.
in any case if u din read tis msg,
and so din do anything.
i will still stop contacting u too.
pretend dunno also cannot be a valid excuse tis time round too le.
let's see how fate play wif us ba.
hp cannot msg also can happen.
or maybe tis is a super long entry so u will miss out on tis part.
i realli tink anything like ur com suddenly cannot read my blog again can also happen.
jus see how ba...

trying to crack a smile.

somehow,
i managed to overcome most of my grieve.
i know death can NEVER be a solution.
but i must admit,
there was this moment of weakness in mi,
where i hoped i can leave this world,
to leave all these behind.

fortunately,
i realised almost immediately,
tat i will also be leaving behind my poor mummie,
korkor and meimei.
habing daddy gone is enuff.
i cannot be sure they can take a second blow.
the more does not mean the merrier in this case.
also, i'll be leaving behind all my dear frens.
i cant be so irresponsible, insensible and immature.

escapism.
not gonna do tat.

thanks cas.
i do deserve a beating rite?
fer i made someone who is supposed to be more devastated than mi to comfort mi.
i'm sorrie.
but i'm much more happier,
much more optimistic now.
know wad?
i'm happie tat i failed the air stewardess interview!
LOL!
somehow,
it serves to prepare mi fer uni entry de interview.
i shall prepare myself fer these interviews.
=D

si szz!
ur phone realli....
pls go check wif ur line provider la!
demand to change the SIM card!
LOL!
u din scare mi tat nite, dun worrie!
in fact, i'm glad u called.
u always managed to bring some smiles to my face.
thank you!
and i fell asleep rite away after u called. =)
anyway,
i tink u shd also try to get into uni.
go ahead and try some arts and social science courses.
u must know tat it doesnt mean if u study business,
u can onli become a businessman.
as long as u've got urself a degree,
no matter wad job u go fer,
u will be paid higher.
until den, if u still wanna pursue ur dream course,
u will be able to save faster and take some private uni.
u've got a full cert,
make good use of it!
but if u still tink poly is still a better choice.
den i will support u too! =)

anyway,
i nid to thank you Angela.
u're always there when i'm down.
u're super steady too.
ask u out and u will be there.
thanks angela.
u will always smile to mi and say :"aiya, nvm one la. who cares lorx?"
LOL!
thank u fer all the times u accompany mi.
u're like my shadow and
i'm like ur shadow.
i'm so lucky to hab a fren like u.
PS : wah. typing these will make mi so touch tat i'm crying. =S

i am still weak at heart now.
i cannot take too many blows at a time.
i might become emotionally unstable and display over thousands of types of mood in my blog.
jus take it like u're reading a story book.
dun probe into it.
thanks fer all the taggings! i've got it!
but it seems stupid to reply u all in my tag tat i'll be fine.
cos i cannot guarantee i wont feel sad again.
limin and Ts, i got ur smses too!
my phone is fine le limin.
it "recovered" right after u two leave mi.
so weird. =s
thank you fer the smses u both sent.
u two are like my sisters in ijc.
i dunno how to repay u all.
i will try to brighten up a little okie?
now, i am trying to understand this saying - failure leads to success.
i must be patient, determine and optimistic.

God, i wanna thank you fer letting mi fall from where i am now.
fer You hab never hesitated to render mi Your helping hands to make sure i stand up again.
i believe all these will onli serve to make mi a stronger person.
a person who will know how to cherish all chances given to mi.
I look forward to the new mi tat You are creating.
i believe You will never gib up on mi.
so, i will nv gib up on You too.
i'm sorrie if i ever conjure any disbelief in You.
forgive mi, God.
i still believe in You.

IDIOTIC PHONE.

CANT THINGS JUS GO ABIT SMOOTHER?!

I'M SO PISS WIF MY PHONE NOW!
WAD'S WRONG WIF THE CONNECTION?

zzz!

of all the ppl i cant receive ur sms.
u cant receive my sms.
i dun understand.

WAD IS TIS?!

GRR.

"calm down. calm down."

everything SUX.

sorrie everyone.
sorrie fer keeping things from u guys.

actualli, i jus came back from an interview.
an interview fer air stewardess.
and of cos, i failed.
like ten ppl choose 2.
and there are hundreds of ppl.
my level of suayness tis yr cannot be underestimated.

94% pass GP in my sch.
so ard 18 ppl fail.
i am one of them.
i am this suay.
this stupid.
this useless.

sorrie.
i was lying all along.
i'm not okie.
all i wanna do is to not let u all worry.
sorrie fer keeping things to myself.
but i realli cannot afford to disappoint anyone, anymore.
i rather face all these myself.
i dun even allow those tears to fall.
not even when i feel like it's the end of the world.

i'm not tat strong.
i must admit,
i am trying to find excuses fer all these tat happened too.
say i'm suay is one of them.
but i know it's my own fault.

helpless.
hopeless.
useless.
restless.

wah. my english realli sux.
A A C.
and i failed GP.
i lost all my confidence alreadi.
totally demoralised.
oh great.
wad's next?

a GP Fail.

i am a strong girl.
i must be strong.

fer the bad results i hab gotten.
i will onli blame myself.

i'm fine.
realli fine.

jus gib mi some time.
i will recover.
i hab my own plans.
dun worry.

"sorrie kor. i cannot go uni le. sorrie."
tis is realli the last thing i ever wanna say to my family.
the onli line tat makes my eyes red and i jus couldn't stop the tears.
sorrie mummie, sorrie kor kor, sorrie mei mei.
jie jie realli cannot do u all proud.
realli veri useless.
no money to study jiu suan le.
now the results cannot even qualify to study.
who will even spare a GP-fail grade obtainer another look?

daddy.
i hab disappointed u.
i am so ashamed of myself.
pls forgive ur dear daughter.

yes, of cos i can still go uni.
BUT I DUN HAB THE MONEY.
I DUN EVEN QUALIFY FER A SINGLE SCHOLARSHIP AT ALL.
becos i fail my GP.
i hab no say in any singapore university.
even so when i hab no money.
understand le mahx?

"WAH. ur english veri powerful!"
thank you pui pui.
i realli tink u sux as a form teacher,
as an elder,
as a human.
may ur tongue get cut zillion times in hell.
yea, u're going hell.
and i dun mind joining u there fer cursing u now.

i will not hide.
i will not run.
i will face all these myself.

becos i will be responsible fer my own acts.
and be responsible fer my own future.
all it takes is jus a few nights of tears,
and i'll be fine.

God.
i believe all these u arranged fer mi will onli be fer my own good.
i believe i will be able to see it one day.
i believe in You.

i'm STUPID.

i rmb scolding someone "stupid girl" in my blog.
now it seems tat those words are targeted fer mi instead.

"ahh.
xinyi.
u're SO STUPID."

ask mi am i happie?
i say:"no."
ask mi am i sad?
i say :"no."
ask mi am i brave?
i say :"no."
ask mi am i scare?
i say:"no."
ask mi am i worrying?
i say:"perhaps."
ask mi am i lonely?
i say:"perhaps."
ask mi am i anticipating?
i say:"perhaps."
ask mi am i crazy?
i say:"perhaps."
ask mi am i stupid?
i say:"definitely."
ask mi am i an idiot?
i say:"definitely."
ask mi is it worth it?
i say:"definitely."
ask mi will i wait?
i say:"i dunno."

sometimes,
instinct is veri impt.
it tells u when u hab done enuff and when u hab not.
and now,
my instinct says tat i hab done enuff.
no more.
tat's the last.
i'm not gonna humiliate myself like i dun even worth a cent.
leave myself some pride.
leave quietly.