as i was browsing thru My Papers today.
some words stroke me veri hard.

i nid to learn this.
i nid to.

这世界的确需要关爱，

并因为爱而充满希望。

但当你向对方表达善意和关爱的同时，

千万别误伤了对方的自尊。

哪怕他是你最亲近的人，

谁都会有"摔跤"的时候，

当初的尴尬，狼狈，

暂时的脆弱，痛楚，

也在所难免。

这个时候，

有些人需要的是一个人独自抚平创伤，

恢复自尊的时间和时空。


尊重彼此的自尊，是人际交往的底线。

however,
on the other note,
pride can be murderous too.
it's good to hurt the pride sometimes too.
jus to make sure it dun go escalating.

let start wif things tat are lighter fer the heart.

tis patient called,
and i hab to call him back.
"wad is ur name miss?"
"oh, i am xinyi."
"oh, xinyi huh?
your voice veri nice u know?"
"oh? haha. thank u."

if u are laughing ur ass off.
i must tell u tis is onli part one.

and so,
i called him back.
and before i hung up on him again....
"xinyi ah, u know,
ur voice not onli nice,
it's sexy also."

LOL!!!!!!!
LOL!!!!!!!

DUMB.
wait till u see my face old man!
LOL!!
i make sure u PUKE.

********************************

things on the heavier note,
much much heavier.
i am suffering from serious monday BLUES.
fer the first time,
i hab callers crying on the other end.
worst,
two of them in a day.

wad i realli experience is how useless i am.
i am onli, but a small employee in the entire hospital.
there is so little i can help the patient due to all the policies the hospital hab.
isn't hospital a place where we find ourselves immerse in love, care and concern?
Mr Tan Tock Seng wouldn't hab built tat hospital wif a single moment not filled wif compassion.

i am getting to see how cold-blooded our world is.
practical.
sefish.
narrow-minded.
ingrate.
not trying to stereotype the medical staffs.
but i do encounter some who simply hab the i-am-working-fer-the-money-onli attitude.

toking abt another issue.
sometimes i tink everyone shd go back to a few generations back.
where life was tougher.
where young kids nid to work to make a living.
where everyone was more responsible fer themselves.
where there is no such thing call pocket money.
i dunno how bad it feels to see and hear ur Dad crying over the phone to a complete stranger.
but i know how lousy i am as a child to allow my Dad to become so weak.
senseless kids, nowadays.
i must admit i do discriminate some of my own age.
losers, i called them.
becos they rather have their parents, thrice of their age, to slog hard to feed them,
than moving their heavy butts out of the house and work.

somehow i hab grown.
althou i know my burden is much heavier,
but i also know my family's burden is lighten becos they hab me.

i tink i am not going uni unless i got myself a scholarship,
which is impossible.
bank loan?
out of the picture.
i realise i nid a guarantor who earn at least 30k per annum.
great.
zzz.
now tell mi wad's the use of habing some brains?
moreover, not a veri splendid one.

i shall pray to God.
fer a world more of love,
love fer all things except oneself.

canoe competition!

with the winds in my face,
and hundreds of canoes in front of me.
i cant help but develop a temporary interest fer it.
temporary.
haha.


in the end,
there was onli mi, yimei and lionel.
odd combination huh?
lol.
cant help.
who ask us to be born supportive.
LOL!


anyway,
congrats kevin!
couldnt hab make it if we din go support u.
=X
LOL!!
JK!


and den,
was playing wif lionel's phone.
LOL!
u see,
自恋的女人,
must always do sth.

TAKE PHOTO.
LOL!

The "Him" from TCC.

1020hrs.
walking towards the station,
it shone before me.
the place we agreed to go fer a long, long time.
even thou i am tight on budget alreadi.
still, i decided to head in.
"shall we try TCC today?"
a nod from Valerie and we found ourselves at the main door.

a queue.
a waiting list.
a pen to write.
aww. we nid to wait fer them to call.

1035hrs.
an unknown caller.
mumbled sth and hanged.
i assumed it was from TCC.
so off we went back there.
"hi, i'm xinyi.
you guys called mi jus now?"

"erm, xinyi?
oh. there's someone before u.
so you nid to wait fer a while more okie?
it will be quick, dun worrie!"

i turned to valerie.
"huh?! den why did they call us?"
dots.
we simply stood next to this giant poster at the entrance.

1040hrs.
"RRRRINGGGG!"
"hello?"
"hello. is tis xinyi?
i'm calling fer TCC.
i....."
at this instant,
i emerged from behind the giant poster to show my face.
we broke into laughters.

"i tot u walked away!?"

"haha! i was here all along!"

i looked at my phone.
tis time a different number.
so the number b4 was a wrong number perhaps.
and i shd realli thank tis person who made tis wrong call.
otherwise i wont leave such a deep impression rite?

he got sunshine smiles.
perhaps from the reflection of the braces he was wearing.
veri charming,
a charismatic figure.
i hope i dream of him tonight.
jus fer one night is good enuff.

since i am a free bird.
allowing myself to get mesmerise fer awhile wont kill rite?

off to bed now!
to dream of him.
(:

ps :: in case u're ignorant. The Coffee Connoisseur, last word is pronounced as ko-no-si-a.

OHIYO!

haha!
woah.
i caught these lines on 花样少年少女！

“我会一直站在他身后，
大声地为他加油。
一直到把他心中所有的恐惧赶走为止。”

my cute frens!
all of u are entitled to tis special priviledge too!
fer all the bad times u hab,
rmb u are not alone!
it's WE not ME.
looking fer support?
look fer us!
i can depend on all of u too rite?
haha!

awww!
where are all the boys?
LOL!
i'm totally stuck at a place wif no hunks.
argh!
i nid some men to entertain me!
LOL!
dun envy,
tis is the priviledge of being SINGLE.
oh yes,
i'm available too!
haha!

i know i am bless.
i gotten alot of special treatment!
1. i hab colleagues donating mi loads of pretty clothes which they cant wear anymore.
2. i received tis cute hp accessory from my colleague! so sweet!
3. kitchen uncles will help mi warm up the soup if i haben eat.
4. i hab colleagues who will always ask mi :"are u okie?"
5. i hab loads of frens who love mi cos they chose picture in the sms quiz! LOL!

i miss sth.
i miss our neoprints.
shall we take one soon peeps?
*wink wink*

vulgarities galore!

18 years old is a terrible age.
nth exceptionally exciting to be 18.
it's in fact TERRIBLE.

hell idiots.
FUCK.
fer all tat i am going through now.
i shall bite my teeth and hold on.
"things will jus get better.
they will."

sometimes i dun understand.
my ONLY off day tis week.
and no one is gonna dine at home.
is tis even a home?
tis deserves a KNN.

i "accidently" saw another phone bill on the table.
another freaking 75 bucks.
*EXCLAIMS*

money.
it's driving mi CRAZIE.

fortunately,
i know why i am working so hard fer.
tis keeps me going.
JIA YOU XINYI!

Tank-专属天使（片尾曲）

我不会怪你对我的伪装 .
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀.
人们愚蠢鲁莽而你纤细善良.
怎能让你为了我被碰伤 .

小小的手掌,厚厚的温暖 .
你总能平复我不安的夜晚.
不敢想的梦想,透过你的眼光,
我才看见它原来在前方 .

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁.
你是我的专属天使,
唯我能独占.
没有谁能取代你在我心上.
拥有一个专属天使,
我哪里还需要别的愿望.

小小的手掌,大大的力量.
我一定也会像你一样飞翔.
你想去的地方就是我的方向.
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂 .

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁.
你是我的专属天使,
唯我能独占 .
没有谁能取代你在我心上.
拥有一个专属天使,
我哪里还需要别的愿望.

wo要不是你出现,
我一定还在沉睡.
oh绝望的以为生命只有黑夜.

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁 .
你是我的专属天使,
唯我能独占 .
没有谁能取代你在我心上.
拥有一个专属天使,
我哪里还需要别的愿望 .
Wo……Woo……

romantic!
argh!
if onli....
=(

tis yr is a bad start fer me.
nth is good.
frens, love, work and money.
ALL SUX.
the bills tat i hab to pay tis month amount to ard $570!
esp. the IDIOT revenue.
tax. damn.
when i saw the amt tat i nid to pay on the axs machine,
which is a freaking 255 bucks,
immediately i went :"what the f***?!"
sorrie,
tat's my inner OS all the time.

tell mi, peeps.
shd i be happy tat i am working?
cos i hab money to pay all the bills ,
otherwise i would be in debts.
or i shd be sad cos after working EVERYDAY,
all i worked fer goes to these bills and daily neccessities.

i shall skip lunch from tml onwards.
zzzz.

sometimes i realli wan to cry and call fer papa.
and i tink,
a stronger person nid a leaning shoulder more than anyone else.
they are in fact,
more lonely than anyone.
afterall,
they are fighting alone.
[T-T]

know wad?!
fei lun hai is coming!
and the worst thing is
I NID TO WORK! (again)
((&^$@#@^^#**!!

i am working 6 days @ restaurant again.
bless me man.
sometimes i hoped i fall sick,
sometimes i hoped i get knock down by car,
sometimes i wished a flower pot smash my head,
sometimes i wished a rich person acknowledge mi as their goddaughter.
sometimes i wished papa is still around,
sometimes i wished i was never born.

sometimes i wish u are here fer mi.
but all u did is say huo gai when i complained i was tired.
u know how hurt i felt?
u cant even understand my situation.

him? or u?

the air ard him is full of suspicion.
a veri mystified atmosphere.
a veri uncomfortable person to be wif.

somehow,
anitibodies were forming to fight against him.
he seems to hab some motives.
a little scheming.
a little cunning.
tis's my instinct.
and it also says to stay away from him.
i shall not sit near him tml.

somehow,
you seem to be irreplaceable.
tis fact is a thorn in my heart.

hard to admit.
hate to admit.
but i hab to say,
things are not the same anymore.
and i think,
it will nv be the same again.
maybe i am weak.
maybe i am tired.
maybe i dun like to keep trying.

life is certainly intriguing.
it hab nv fail to trap one in deep thoughts.
but in the end,
we can conclude nth.

i started to develop tis little game of mine.
the elimination game.
a game of survival of the fittest.
sad to say,
i am scanning everyone ard mi.
be it closest frens, or acquintances.
i would analyse all their character.
the rules are simple.
u got my respect,
u are in the game.
conversely,
if u dun,
it's game over.
i'm sadistic rite?

i am thirsty.
a desperate thirst to do sth.
not a good thing.
but it seems exciting to be a bad girl sometimes.

my rare weekend!

i must say.
althou i am veri tired now.
but i still wan to blog abt happie moments tat i hab.
as fresh as they can be.
=)

firstly.
a big MUACKS to cas!
thanks fer shopping wif mi~!
althou i made ur leg ache so much.
LOL!

next,
a big MUACKS to yimei!
thanks fer joining us after ur band~!
isn't it true?
we are all no. 1 frens in everyone's heart.
as long as we are united.
=)

lastly,
i wan to thank my classmates.
althou they wont read tis.
fred, darric, uk, hf, cs esp.
*BIG HUGS*

the fun i hab during chalet is beyond words expression.
so many funny moments!

one,
we were watching DOA.
the previous dvd, american hunting, hab sucky subtitles.
and DOA is the extreme opposite.
how extreme?
when the actor crack his knuckles,
guess wad?
the subtitles goes : (CRACKING)
LOL!
and there was things like BIRDS CHIRPING,
MAN GROANS, etc.
and funniest part is,
darric commented :"tis is wad i call subtitles man!"
wif a veri one kind look.
LOL!!!!

there was tis joke the whole time tat i was half man, half woman.
so i hab chest on one side,
and breast on the other.
uk was so extreme.
he even explore to the part i hab half penis.
[=.=]

so much so much so much more.

chalet was from 14 - 16.
but i actualli nid to go back to work on 16.
knew wad i did?
i skipped half day work on 16.
=X
i woke up at 8 where all the rest are sleeping.
cos we slept at a freaking late hr of 4 am.
while sitting on the bus to pasir ris.
know wad happened?
i was actualli crying!
i am abit siao.
i miss them so much.
and feels so bad to depart first.

till we meet again peeps.
love u guys lots.
take care!
i will pray fer all of u!

“真相往往只有一个。
但事实，
也往往被隐瞒。”
- 花样少年少女

"Greatness inspires envy,
envy engenders spite,
spite spawns lies."
- Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince.

"I will not falter in face of adversity."
-The Archies.

“在镜子前面,
那另一个世界,
我的敌人就是我。”
- Tank, 超越极限

i woke up today,
with my grasp of the importance of credibility levelled.
to keep my words,
to deliver what i say,
and hence,
i must speak with due amount of consideration.
nv make a promise u cannot keep.
never.

if u are wondering wad is happening.
i jus wanna lay back fer a while.
let nature take its own course.
if we are meant to be,
we will be.
if we are not,
i hope the right one appear soon.
so tat all the images of u in my mind will be replace by him.
feelings fade as time goes by.
esp when we are not toking.
becos, i see nth to tok of.
i am not waiting fer u,
neither do i hab someone else in mind.
it's all fate.
from all the things tat happened.
i must say,
we hab none.
i realli miss u alot.
i miss the old u alot.
sometimes,
i wish i hab asked u to be mine.

days @ TTSH

life is boring.
with a schedule tat states i work from 9am to 1030pm everyday.
it is, indeed,
VERY BORING.

however,
i must say.
"cas! i am also happie u are wif mi!
otherwise i would hab been bored to death!"
i would like to thank God fer gibing mi tis blessing.
"Thank You God."
i know not everyone can work wif their fren.
i will treasure tis chance.

isn't life amazing?
when we decided to keep each other company.
we are actually allowing that person to invade into our life,
and share part of our life with them.
so fer those who i hab known fer almost 6 yrs,
stepping into the seventh.
if i will live to 60 yrs old.
u guys hab already grabbed 1/10 of my life.
woot!

allow mi to share some funny and silly moments btw mi and cas at work.
but first, allow mi to "LOL!!!"

1. i would turn the wrong direction every morning when we exit the mrt station.
=X
LOL!
cas jus bth me.

2. cas tried to create a new patient.
and guess where he lives?
"MULTISTOREY CARPARK"
LOL!!
LOL!!
LOL!!

3. my eyes and brain din coordinate properly tat day.
i actualli walked into a MALE toilet.
LOL!.
luckily cas stopped mi in time.

4. there is tis sicko MALE caller.
sicko :"wad is ur name?"

me : "i'm xinyi."
sicko :"can i hab ur ic. no.?"

me :"HUH?!"

sicko :"oh, the first 2 digit."

me :"oh. 88."

sicko: "xinyi~ u got a very sweet voice~!"
me : "haha. thank u.[=.=]"
after a while, he called back and specifically looked fer mi.
and left his hp no.
sicko :"repeat my no. pls?"
i repeated.

"okie! correct! correct! rmb le horx? must rmb huh!"
LOL!!
LOL!!
SIAO.

more and more.
but these are the more interesting ones.

maybe the routine is suffocating me.
the urge to leave here and study overseas gets stronger as days passed by.
i shall pray.

deathnote.

"Beep...Beep..."
"Beep..."
"Beep......."
"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp..................."

Officially Pronounced Dead @ 2330hrs on 09012007.

Reason Of Death:
Murdered.
One Fatal Stab On The Chest, Through The Heart.
Bleeding Profusely.
In Simple Words - 心死。

Relation Of Murderer To Victim :
Best Friend.
_______________________________________

Date Of Revival Of Victim: Unknown. But Soon.

Reason Fer Reviving : Found New Best Friend.

Chances Of Victim Reviving : 100%

Chances Of Reviving To Original Form : 50%


*******end of life and death report*******

recovered!

"OH~
MIGHTY GIRL!
OH~
MIGHTY ME!
OH~
MIGHTY XINYI!
OH OH OH~!"
can someone fix a tune fer me pls?
LOLX.

wahaha!
here comes the return of the "normal" xinyi.
=D

woot!
ppl!
check out tis video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPutYwiiE0o
heh heh!
laughters guaranteed!
XD
rmb to catch all 4 episodes!

dots.dots.dots.
my schedule is fully packed.
and it's all occupied by
workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork

workworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkworkwork.

so scary.
but i will still try my best to go fer all the gatherings okie?
=)

oh god. i nid sleep.
another 7am to 1am day tml.
JIA YOU!

dun worrie dudes.
pls trust tat we are both mature enuff to handle this like an adult.

maybe a piece of advice to all of u.
try to drift away from mi ba.
i am a difficult person to live wif.
i make ppl cannot breathe in my world.
hab no ties wif mi.
dun be too close to me.
i hab spikes tat will poke.
i cause non-stop bleeding.
i am the last kind of person u wan to know.
and i am absolutely a lousy person.
i am unbelievably cold-blooded.

i am tinking these few days.
monks and nuns realli deserve my respect.
who will be willing to let go off all the ties?
fer the peace i yearn fer,
i wish i hab the courage to join them too.
are they stronger ppl cos they hab the courage to forsake all ties?
or are they weaker ppl cos they cannot handle all the side effects from these ties?

i tink u are tired.
i am not sure.

but i nid to tell u.
i am veri tired.

u are late AGAIN.
i dun wan to hear any excuse u hab anymore.
becos most probably u will go :"cos my family...."

STOP IT.
STOP USING UR FAMILY AS A SUPER READY EXCUSE FER UR PLAIN LAZINESS, INABILITY TO DISCIPLINE URSELF AND IRRESPONSIBILITY.

i dun understand AT ALL.
family as top priority?
to the extent tat u totally hab so little family brought-up?

if family can form ur excuses EVERYTIME.
it's time u look ard at the rest of them.
are they not close wif their family?
are they ALWAYS late?
why is it tat u hab more SUDDEN family events tat took place everytime b4 u go fer work?
ASK URSELF.

no one is asking u to come on the dot 6 o'clock.
jus dun be so exaggerating to come at SEVEN.
even worst. EVERDAY.

i dunno wad u are tinking.
maybe i nid to type it fer u too read again fer u to feel HURT.
yes, i am doing tis on purpose.

from the uncles,
to u.

"wah! late again horx?"
"why u still come?"
"everyday also late lehx."
"why not come at nine?"
"daytime nv study, nv work, still late ar?"
"u horx. realli...."

ARE U HAPPY?

pls tell mi u are.
becos it will make mi feel better.
cos i know i can stop feeling upset fer u.
since all these sayings actualli makes u feel NTH AT ALL.

where is ur dignity?
where is ur principles?
where is ur family brought-up?
where is ur basic sense of RESPONSIBILITY?

dun blame the uncles fer being so nasty.
they are jus feeling sorry fer the rest of them who nid to work extra harder cos YOU who is suppose to be there to help is LATE.
hab a heart will u?
most of them are ppl wif 2 jobs.
some are past 40 alreadi.
we even hab a pregnant woman who is almost running.
why?
becos U ARE LATE.
if u are not, they could relax a little.

angry?
wad are u angry abt?

thinking of quitting ur job now?
why?
to escape?
so wad if u found a new job?
continue to be late?

u NEVER change.
u never.

u totally amazed me.
i cannot believe it tat u live ur life in such a miserable way and still feels okie.

pls hate me.
so i know wad i can do next.
tat is to HECK CARE.