Long time no see! I just wanted to record down that sandpaper and the rust have finally got a flat! And we viewed 45 other flats before this one!!!!!!!
One of the more amazing things about being in a relationship is that I get to hear different perspectives, thoughts and ideas from another beautifully created person. I get to experience different stronger emotions, both joy and sorrow.
The sorrow bits are hard to handle sometimes. I feel so lost, so unsure how to hold that precious heart in my hand. And it's so scary. You are essentially responsible for someone else's life because the both of you have chosen to be in an exclusive relationship.
One of the things I've learnt from sandpaper is the psyche of a girl.
I asked, "What do you think girls in general struggle with the most?" This was after we've established the fact that most, if not all guys struggle with lust.
She thinks girls struggle with the idea of being attractive, loved, accepted. I don't know about other guys, but this was for me, the first time, realising that this was really a difficult struggle for girls. (I suppose it was because I could identify it in parallel with lust).
It's almost an ironic parallel. Men struggle with lust - the desire for sexual satisfaction and women the desire to be wanted.
Someone once told me that men love to get sex, and girls give sex to feel loved. There is something seriously wrong with that. The expression of love is disgustingly tainted in that phase. Love should be the sacrificing of yourself for the other, and not the exploitation for one another's desires.
I don't know how girls can overcome this struggle apart from feeling secure in Christ. Men will disappoint you. I don't mean it negatively, but I do mean it spiritually. Men are unable to fulfill your desire to be wanted. Because girl, you will eventually grow old and look unattractive. The men may at times, find you unattractive. All your Bobbi Brown and facial treatments will come to pass. And when that happens, only Christ can assure you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:13-14).
Here's a secret. Men may be attracted to external beauty, but they will never desire for external beauty alone.
"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."1 Peter 3:3-4
Peter expresses beautifully what men do desire - which in God's sight is also very precious.
Between a Beauty Queen and a Queen of Beauty, both God and men desire the latter much much more.
And sandpaper, I love you much much more for the latter.
CrazyC pointed me to this article by Pastor Kong Hee from City Harvest Church. http://konghee.blogspot.com/2009/09/wholesome-shallowness.html
Here are my thoughts.
1. one of the main questions I asked myself was, why is he bringing this up NOW? why now? That song is 2 years old. So, I'm not quite sure what his agenda is. (yes, I'm asking that, cos everyone has an agenda)
2. I think it's wonderful Sun is using what she earns in royalties for charity. I think that's very commendable. That's probably more loving (and spiritual) than say Michael W Smith or Darlene Zschech IF they pocket all the money they earn from the albums sold.
3. Kong said, "As a professional artist, Sun has to take on many dramatic stage personas. This is what entertainers do. In the “China Wine” video, she happens to be acting in one such role. Fiction must be separated from fact."
While I understand that yes, entertainers do take on dramatic stage personas and I agree fiction must be separated from fact especially for entertainers. Eg. If I play the role of a drug addict, doesn't mean I take drugs or condone the habit.
However, it doesn't mean that Christian entertainers have the 'license' to take on ANY persona. Otherwise, that would mean Christian entertainers can also shoot porn videos, use vulgarities and abuse animals just because it portrays the 'world' and in the name of entertainment. If the drug taking scene glorifies the use of drugs, I might want to be careful?
Kong continued to say "I agree that if she is a “pastor” or “preacher,” perhaps the video would have been inappropriate. But Sun is not a pastor. "
a) To me, it shows that he agrees (at least in part) that it was inappropriate. I think he is right to say a pastor is expected to have (for lack of a better term) a certain "standard of behaviour", but I think it doesn't mean that a Christian and a pastor should have different standards. It's just that the pastor should be an example to follow - To follow and NOT that there should be 2 standards of living. (1Co 11:1)
b) Sun before becoming an international singer, had been addressed as "Pastor Sun" in CHC. I don't know how that happened or how come it has changed.
c) In 1 Tim 3, it says "Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach...for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?... Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil. " (verses 2-7)
Also in 1Ti 3:11 about deacons, "Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things. "
I think if he is serious about being a pastor, he shouldn't separate himself and the actions of his wife. Obviously he knows that the video is not well thought of by outsiders. And he did agree about it being "inappropriate". IMHO, he should reflect on this.
4. Kong said "Why have “Christian” productions been so ineffective in their reach to the unchurched, to the extent that even believers are not interested in their products? "
I think the answer is in John 15. Jesus saying that the world would hate him. Pastor Kong shouldn't be surprised that the world would hate Christian productions. 5. I agree Christian culture does not have to be artistically inferior. I think Jars of Clay is just a good a band as No Doubt.
6.
Psalms are songs of frustration, regret and anger, yet sung with love to a sometimes hidden God. Aren’t they like most tracks on the Billboard Chart?
Erm... I think they're more like Christian Contemporary music (if u want a comparison) than say, "Stan" by Eminem or "Low" by Flo Rida.
Job deals with the sufferings of life, and the desire to find meaning through them. Isn’t it like the Hollywood hit movie, Forest Gump, or the long-running Korean serial drama, Jewel In The Place?
At the end of Job, God rebukes Job. In Forest Gump, Tom Hanks gets married, has a son and grows old.
Proverbs deal with the danger of shortcuts, the snares of temptation, and the rewards of honesty. Aren’t they just like the cartoon series, The Simpsons?
OK, seriously? How is it alike?
The Song of Solomon is about the obsession with love and the sensual. Just turn on any pop radio and we have our modern-day Song of Solomon being broadcasted 24/7.
OK this one, I dunno. Perhaps.
Ecclesiastes deal with the weariness of daily living in an imperfect world. Isn’t that portrayed in movies like Signs and The Pianist?
"The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil." Ecc 12:13-14
I didn't watch the pianist, but I don't remember Signs pointing to God. (pun intended).
Lamentations deal with grief. When one listens to most of Eric Clapton’s songs, aren’t they all about the dealing of grief
I dunno Lamentations very well.
Kong Hee said "pop culture represents a powerful means of communicating to us what the real world is like, and how to live in it."
But I think "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."2Ti 3:16 -17 Not to be confused with pop culture. (Romans 12:2) 7. Lastly, Kong said, "So to the religious and conservatives who have used nasty, derogatory and expletive terms to describe Sun, my parting shot are the words of Jesus Christ from Matthew 21:31, “I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.” I think it's sad and not very Christian for the religious and conservatives to have been unkind and rude about it. If my wife was being attacked, I would probably be angry also.
And just for the record, I think Kong misquoted that verse. Here's the portion from Matt 21:28-32.
"What do you think? A man had two sons. And he went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work in the vineyard today.' And he answered, 'I will not,' but afterward he changed his mind and went. And he went to the other son and said the same. And he answered, 'I go, sir,' but did not go. Which of the two did the will of his father?" They said, "The first." Jesus said to them, "Truly, I say to you, the tax collectors and the prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes believed him. And even when you saw it, you did not afterward change your minds and believe him.
Research has indicated that older people are happier than younger people. Youths in particular, go through a lot of emotional pain and "roller-coasters".
Emo is the word used. Sometimes very loosely.
I wonder if... if only all youths could understand why they feel pain, perhaps it might bring comfort and hope. So here's my attempt to provide that relief in brief.
Teenagers feel pain because they are going through a very significant phase of life.
Youth between the ages of 12 and 20 are suddenly enlightened to the fact that they are no longer children. Their bodies tell them. Situations around them change. They find themselves in a situation where they no longer spoon fed, or supervised for safety. Or at least on the surface it seems that way.
Some parents still give curfews and strict boundaries - and with good reason too.
Criminal studies indicate that it is youth, especially boys, who tend to commit more acts of unlawful behaviour more than any other age group.
Is there a good reason?
Evolutionary Psychology would argue that it is because of need to be alpha male.
In this day and age, youth between the ages of 12 and 20 are treated and expected very differently. In fact, the bible described David as a youth when he went into battle with Goliath. He was a Shepherd as a youth. Goliath, a full grown man, was described as a fighter trained in his youth.
So we see that youth is a time of learning. Yet, secondary schools are nothing like Shepherding or battle pits - unless you consider being a leader in your CCA shepherding and spending time in gang fights battle pits.
This significant phase of life known as youth is best spent learning and maturing. It is the time of discovering one's strengths, weaknesses and knowing what to do with them.
Problem is, alot of youths feel pain because they don't know what to do with them. When one feels an excitement of infatuation or when friends quarrel, when parents draw a boundary they feel imprisoned by or when teachers talk down to them - they don't know what to do with those emotions.
My advice, if I can ever give it, would be to do the following:
1. Find a very good mentor. Someone older than you. 21 and above. Ask him or her to be your mentor, to teach you what to do with your learning phase of life.
2. Have a journal. NOT a blog. Most blogs are written just to say how you feel and what the day was like. A journal should be written specifically to help you pen down lessons learnt from the experience.
3. Engage in mature activities with a mature group. For example, be a leader, initiator or a good follower in your CCA.
4. Make friends with people you can learn from or learn together with. Drop friends who have no interest in learning how to handle life maturely.
5. BE mature. Look at your physique. You have hit puberty. Your body has transformed into a state of potential parenthood. You need to be mature no matter what the society thinks or tells you. That means stop doing foolish things. And when you do, learn from it so that you can stop doing foolish things.
And the only reason why I can say all these, is because these are the very things I did not learn as a teenager. I wish I did.
I just thought I'd share my favourite top 12 songs at the moment. These are the songs you can play at my funeral.
1. You are Holy (Prince of Peace) 2. Blessed be Your name 3. Be Thou My Vision 4. Oh Jesus I have promised 5. Who am I 6. Step by Step (no, not the NKOTB one!) 7. Highest Place 8. See Him Coming 9. We are His people. 10. In Christ Alone 11. There is a Higher Throne 12. Across the lands
answers every BGR question you ever wanted answered. Well, if you believe everything it says, that is.
The answer has everything to do with fertility. The books argues on two levels.
1) When a woman is expecting, they can expect that the child is 100% hers. Whereas the men can never know for sure the child was theirs. 2) Women must carry the child for 9 months, hence, can only have X number of children in their lifetime. Whereas men can have many many offsprings.
With that idea, men and women want to protect themselves. Women by making sure men want to invest in them and men protect themselves by making sure that their offsprings are truly theirs.
Have you wondered why people found blue eyes attractive regardless of gender? Apparently, blue eyes are attractive because both male and female want to know if the opposite sex is interested in them. When one is interested, the pupils dilate. And the size of the pupils are most obvious in blue eyes because the lightest colour in any human eye is blue and the iris is always dark brown.
And why do men go for young, long haired, small waisted, big breasted women?
Again, evolutionary psychology has the answers.
So men go for Young is obvious, but what about hair? Well, a healthy female would usually have healthy hair. The book also says that healthy women have lower waist-to-hip ratio.
What I found most interesting was their reason for the big breasts. It isn't because of the production of milk because the size of boob does not affect quantity of milk. It seem that one can tell if a women is old by looking at big breasts. They sag. So men are attracted to big breasts because they would want to know if the women of interest is young. One can't tell a women's age if they have small breasts.
My colleagues pointed out to me that women in PNG have saggy breasts even at a young age. So maybe the arguement is flawed.
Another interesting question asked was why are diamonds a girl's best friend?
This is cool. Because women want to know that the men are willing to invest in her and her offspring. Diamonds are expensive with little intrinsic value. So if a dude is willing to spend rubbish money on a women, it shows the investment in her.
That is why women like flowers too. And I suppose LV and Gucci bags.
