Yunghei's quote of the day

If you live for today, you'll have no tomorrow.
If you live for tomorrow, you'll be wasting today.
But, if you live on yesterday, you'll have neither today or tomorrow.
It's your life, live it the way you deem correct.


I feel that life is getting sucky. I think most people who suicide are opting not to choose what they wanna live on. Yesterday? Today? or Tomorrow?

To everyone who are living, you are taking a choice everyday. You are forced to make that choice. What's it gonna be? Yesterday? Today? or Tomorrow? You'll have to make a choice everyday until you die. Will you be making the correct choice? Let's hope you do.

God bless and peace.

It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him--he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake you head and nod for him to go on. He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle, that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck".. 

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings How the fuck are ya?
2. Fraud I got fucked by the car dealer.
3. Resignation Oh, fuck it!
4. Trouble I guess I'm fucked now.
5. Aggression Fuck you!
6. Disgust Fuck me.
7. Confusion What the fuck.......?
8. Difficulty I don't understand this fucking business!
9. Despair Fucked again...
10. Pleasure I fucking couldn't be happier.
11. Displeasure What the fuck is going on here?
12. Lost Where the fuck are we.
13. Disbelief Unfuckingbeliveable!
14. Retaliation Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?
18. Suspicion Who the fuck are you?
19. Panic Let's get the fuck out of here.
20. Directions Fuck off.
21. Disbelief How the fuck did you do that?

It can be used in an anatomical description- He's a fucking asshole.
It can be used to tell time- It's five fucking thirty.
It can be used in business- How did I wind up with this fucking job?
It can be maternal- Motherfucker.
It can be political- Fuck the President!

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history:

What the fuck was that?-Mayor of Hiroshima
Where did all these fucking Indians come from?-General Custer
Where the fuck is all this water coming from?-Captain of the Titanic
That's not a real fucking gun.-John Len
Who's gonna fucking find out?-Richard Nixon
Heads are going to fucking roll.-Anne Boleyn
Let the fucking woman drive.-Commander of Space Shuttle
What fucking map?-Challenger, Mark Thatcher
Any fucking idiot could understand that.-Albert Einstein
It does so fucking look like her!-Picasso
How the fuck did you work that out?-Pythagoras
You want what on the fucking ceiling?Michaelangelo
Fuck a duck.-Walt Disney
Why?- Because its fucking there!-Edmund Hilary
I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?-Joan of Arc
Scattered fucking showers my ass.-Noah
I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head.-John F. Kennedy-

feeling really tired today. Did I mention again?

Hahas. The life skill was damn cool. Think I've been through the test and know what will give full marks, no point trying to do it seriously. Was thinking between full marks and complete flunk. Decided to balance it off.

Hmm, I'm suicidal and homicidal. Think you guys better watch out!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Word of the day : Dreams

Q: What are dreams?
Ans: You must start with the bonding. Well, the bonding is very weak. It is so weak that it was an extremely low enthalphy of vapourisation. Thus, we can conclude that dreams vapourise easily as it is energetically favourable. Furthermore, you must talk about the mechanism. It is ussually a slackerphilic substitution reaction where new dreams replace old dreams which have not yet been achieved. However, dreaming is such an unstable reaction that it can be a slackerphilic addition reaction too. You can add up so much that you have tonnes of dreams with none fulfilled. On with the conditions. Dreams are ussually cold and there is no such thing as catalyst in dreams. There are never shortcuts in achieving dreams. Dreaming ussually takes place in the dark.

Sucks like shit lar!
 
I'm gonna keep this like a normal blog and maybe write a story when I feel like it.
 
But today har, ... Wah kaoz, Lim AH super bitchy lor. For those of you who din know, Ms Lim is my GP teacher.
 
Lim(talkin' to class): "why your class nobody the some-marry get 8 out of 8? My S75 got a handful lor."
 
YH(mumbling very softly): "wah, si bei sianz. I got 7.5 out of 8. Must try to dig for e half mark. Then, I'll feel good."
 
Richard: "You bleeding &$!#%^&*. I'm #!$^%^*() ....." (explicit content)
 
Lim: "I dunno leh, why got 10 points you all can get only 3 to 4?"
 
YH (thinkin'): "eh? 10 points? I got 6 ticks and 3 half marks. Got chance leh."
 
Lim: "... bla bla bla ... and the point about ... blah blah blah ... "
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Later,
 
YH: "I think u didn't mark this point here."
 
Lim: "Don't ask marks from em today."
 
YH: "Why? you see har, here the ... bla bla bla ... "ministry-approved smoking areas" got what diff with "sanctioned smoking zones" ... bla bla bla ..."
 
Lim: "To make you feel worse, I'm gonna say this ... bla bla bla ... your argument is correct, but I just don't feel like it ... bla bla bla ... Not today lar."
 
YH: "..."
 
Rocks right?
 
Think this si more interesting than most stories I've wrote.

I have decided to open up the comments section. This will allow my creativity to come from public contribution. Wun stress myself out. Think must be blogspot member to contribute. So, those who dun want to be known should stick to the tag board.
 
Back to the story.
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------
 
So, Spidey and Chicken man go back to NYC (new york city)  and decide to kick some alien ass.
 
Venom and Carnage has turned the city upside down and NYC looks like a scene from Resident Evil. The ground is littered by gore of punctured guts and stretched intestines and splattered brains. The water supply is contaminated by blood. The air is polluted by a smog of death. Even noise pollution is in place, polluted by the eerie silence.
 
Here, Venom and Carnage falls from the skies and Venom dives straight for spidey while Carnage does his Spawn spoof. (You know how spawn falls from the skies and his cloak spread out cushioning his fall?)
 
Spidey's spider sense gives him ample time to rool out of harms way and Venom aims his improvised web-shooter at spidey. The heat-seeking pulp of sticky mass chases after the running spidey. Spidey eventually gets hit and falls to the ground.
 
Venom and Carnage have captured Spiderman. Again. The pair now turn their attention to Chicken man. Venom and Carnage turns slowly toward Chicken man and is taken aback. Chicken man is sitting at a McDonalds eatting fried chicken!
 
From here, everything is in slow motion.
 
They take one step towards Chicken man, their nose captures the aroma of the crunchy steam marinated deep fried chicken.
 
They take a second step towards chicken man, their mouths drop open as the aroma attacks their lungs.
 
They take a third step, the aroma attacks their throat, they open their mouths.
 
They take a fourth step, the aroma attacks their brain and a series of complex chemical reactions in their bodies triggers the tongue to shudder.
 
As they take their fifth step, their salivary glands can take it no more and they start drooling.
 
As they take their sixth step, the salivating intensifies.
 
They eventually drowns in a pool of their own saliva.
 
The end.
 
Opps, yar, Mary jane walks out from Mac to wake up the fainted spidey and kisses. Must end like tt, right?

Hope, dangles on a string.
Like slow spinning redemption,
winding in, winding out,
...
PS. I have e OST, hahas!

----------------------------------------------------------------
 
Will start thinking about X-men now.

 

So, the story for Spiderman 4 continues with our hero searching for a partner to defeat carnage and venom double team.

As I was saying, X-men had an outing to watch Spiderman 3 and Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire.

So, Spiderman, who has always been the depressed kid that he is, continues to look for a partner by going to Hogwarts, however, Harry Potter and cast are filming Hrry Potter and The Order of the Pheonix. Spiderman, entered the scene and saw a snake. Snakes, being the natural born enemy of Spiders attacks Spiderman, Spiderman shoots the snake with his web and hangs the snake up-side down. The snake struggles, but fails to break free.

"CUT!"
"What the fuck is going on here! Can't you buzz off and go disturb someone else! We have a block buster in the making here, dun freaking disturb us."

"Ops! Sorry!"

"Go and free the stunt double in the snake."

-------------------------------------------------

So, Spiderman decides to get out from his tight outfit (which itches at the crouth area) and be Peter Parker.

As he walks along Orchard Road, (don't ask me why he is in Singapore, he just is, take it or leave it) he sees a very cool real madrid jersey. flipping it over, he sees the number 23.

Peter looks left, no cars, looks right, no people, looks left again, no cameras, and he spits on the jersey.

------------------------------------------------------

He continues walking down the road under the bright glare of the scorthing afternoon sun and feels the heat. "Must be at least Fahrenheit 911, this is bloody hot." he thinks to himself. Moore jumps out from nowhere, shouting, "See? I knew it! AQ would strike on the 9/11 and you din believe me then, Mr Bush! Now u do!"

Please note that there are multiple guest stars on the movie set and none of them are coincedental.

------------------------------------------------------------

Then, all of a sudden, a police officer clubs Peter and cuffs him up.

PP(peter parker): "WTF!"

PO(police officer): "vulgarities, thats another $500 fine!"

PP: "Har? What did I do? Why you catch me? Oi! Mata frame me!"

PO: "Eating chewing gum is banned in singapore lar."

PP spits out the gum in disgust and shouts back: "Ok, no more gum, let me go lar."

PO: "spitting, 6 more months, littering, 6 more months."

PP: "..."

----------------------------------------------------------

As Peter Parker sits in jail, his to-be-partner appears to help him break out from jail.

Chicken man.

I will continue about Spiderman's adventures later, but first a brief intro on Chicken man.

you remember the stupid chicken lookin' guy on the McDonalds advertisement where a lady screams "My napkins, my napkins!" Yar, that's the guy. And his partner, Mr juice, or Mr steam (aiyah, dunno lar) are gonna help Spidey get out of jail and hopefully defeat carnage and venom.

:D
till then, that's all folks!

I'm very sorry for all u harry potter fans out there. The problem is, I'm a harry potter fan myself and I refuse to insult harry potter any further. I'll continue tt story or start a new one when I think of something interesting. Anyway, I was planning to say that Voldy is not Harry's father, but he just watch too much star wars. Anyway, I'll try not to use that line anymore.

Thinking about starting on teenage mutant ninja turtles or my own action heroes. Will start on spidey today.

Firstly, I just wanna say that Spidey 2 is not as good as I wished it would be.
1. The spiderman song strumed on the streets were not featured on the OST. They rock!
2. Lack of chiobus in the movie. Erm, tt's not very important, but adding more might help. :D
3. Lack of Hunks. ***I AM STRAIGHT!!!*** But still, I'm looking at the big picture. No guys for girls to ogle at.
4. Lack of surprise. All too predictable.
5. Those that are not predictable are lame. Like the lift scene, the scene where the entire train of almost 100 ppl sees who Spidey is.

Anyway, it's just a crap movie. I mean, they could have gotten any of the above pointers cured And I'd have given them an extra half a star. Therefore, I rate the movie 4 stars out of five.

Yeah! I noticed that if they fixed all five points, they'd have 6.5 stars out of 5. I'd do something like that. It's quite normal to have scores over the maximum. ;)

Please note that today's entry is a script for Spiderman 4. (I'll assume that spiderman 3 is gonna be Hob-Goblin vs Spidey)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The story continues fromt the point where spidey hangs hobgob upside down after catching him and hanging him upside down using his organic web shooter.

Spidey starts kissing MJ. As the two of them kiss, Edward "Eddie" Brock (soon to be carnage) lands in a yellow parachute after escaping from his space craft which crashlands back to earth. The YELLOW parachute has the word COLDPL_Y printed on it, with a large gaping hole between the L and the Y. (go figure that out) He lands between the two lead and with spidey's keep spider sense, he swings himself and MJ away from the falling Brock.

Brock hits the ground. He has large cuts and bruises all over him. However, the wounds seem to start healing themselves. Brock enters a wild fits of laughter as an envelope of darkness covers the skies and a black suit gobbles him up to turn him into VENOM.

Spidey looks at the alien and is too tired, he tell Brock to give him another minute of kiss with MJ before they fight, so that he can recharge himself.

Brock refuses the proposal and springs into attack. Spidey trembles as the giant mass of Black charges at him and MJ. He ducks behind MJ and falls to the ground feigning death. Obviously, Brock is not an idiot. He picks spidey up and throws him into the distant jungle

MJ(shouts at the jungle): "Peter! Why are you such a wimp?"

Spidey(running away from venom): "Cause I'm tired after the fight with Hob-gob!"

MJ turns to venom.

MJ: "You are you, sexy?"

Venom decloaks himself to turn back into the handsome Eddie Brock.

MJ falls straight into Eddies arms and they become a couple. (Doesn't this always happen in movies?)

Cletus Kasady, an escapee from the Prison of Azkaban passes by as he runs from the hordes of dementors. Hearing the loud commotion, he heads towards the crowd, hoping he'd give the dementors the slip. Instead, he runs straight into Brock.

In the brief moment of contact, a million things happen. (I'll just name the important ones, in the movie, the split second will probably be longer than 1 hour. I mean a scene with a bomb counting down one-minute ussually lasts half an hour from the moment of countdown to explosion.)

1. Brock's spider sense alerts him of Kasady and the dementors.
2. Brock pushes MJ away.
3. Brock transforms into venom.
4. Kasady who has his head on the dementors runs straight into Brock.
5. Brock shoots his web to form a soft silky mattress for MJ to fall onto.
6. A dementor flies through both Kasady and Brock.

With all these effects and more. Brocks costume is ripped by the dementor and falls onto Kasady. The alien substance enters Kasady's body and penetrates his blood. The reaction between the blood and the alien substance causes Kasady's skin to swell and transform into CARNAGE!

Carnage and Venom fights away the dementors and become friends. (Please note that in the movie, MJ magically disappears from the movie and never appears again. Not until the extreme end, where she is required to kiss Spidey, again.)

Spidey hears about this and knows that if he cannot defeat Venom, let alone carnage. (who's 5 times more powerful)Thus, decides to find friends of his own.

The movie should then show Venom on top of the Empire states building banging his hairy chest and swipes away helicopters. Carnage would be shown throwing an iceberg all the way from antartica and hitting the Titanic. I dun mind if they decide to show a hand smacking on the window of a carriage or Bradd Pitt in his gladiator-like kit shouting "I'm on top of the world! Is there nowhere else!"

(For the people who are stupid enough to not understand what the last paragraph means, I basically means that they wreck havok as Spidey looks for his friends.

He heads to the special school where the X-men are. However, they have gone for a class outing and went to watch "spider-man 3 the movie" and "Harry Potter and the gobblet of fire". Spidey leaves a note and head off to middle earth.

... to be continued ... (this IS how the story ends!!!!!) (I'll continue in Spiderman 5)

P.S. note that I said continue and not conclude, this could be a long piece of crap.

I'm too tired and busy to crap today, please hold on till later.
Hmm. Think I'll start on an action hero like spiderman, Xmen, superman or something like that. If not, I'll write on some disney characters. Hahas. Those of your who are in e same sch as me will know where that "Disneyfication" inspiration came from. Ok. I won't call it an inspiration, I'll call it a ...

Fine, my English sucks. I'll stick with inspiration.

Don't really feel like blogging today.
Hmm.

Let's think of something to start with for my Harry Potter story.



Voldemort: "I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole?"

Harry: "You could say that."

Voldemort: "I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Harry?"

Harry: "No."

Voldemort: "Why not?"

Harry: "Cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life."

Voldemort: "I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind -- driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

Harry: "The Matrix?"

Voldemort: "Do you want to know what it is?"

Harry nods his head.

Voldemort: "The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, or when go to church or when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."

Harry: "What truth?"

Voldemort: "That you are a slave, Harry. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, born inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind."

There is a long pause of silence. Voldemort looks at Harry, shakes his head, and sighs.

Voldemort: "Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back."

In his left hand, Voldemort shows a blue pill.

Voldemort: "You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe."

Voldemort opens his other hand, showing a red pill.

Voldemort: "You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes."

There is a long period of silence as Harry feels his lightning scarred forehead. He reaches for the red pill.

Voldemort: "Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, nothing more."

Harry takes the red pill and swallows it with a glass of water.

Voldemort: "Now that you have taken the red pill, it is time to tell you what I should have told you many years ago."

Harry(failing to stay awake): "What is that?"

Voldemort: "Harry, I am your father."

Harry: "Far wad?"

Voldemort: "The red pill is just a sleeping pill. It's ok. Accept it. The matrix 'splits' your personelity. I did not kill you because I am your father."

Harry: "And ... the scar?"

By this time, Harry was in a daze. He had many questions to ask, but his eyes seemed to hang a ton of weight.

Voldemort: "Yes, the scar. It's an ingeniuos idea of mine. I was using the scar as a mean of locating you."

As Harry awakes, he sees dementors floating above him like headless zombies.

... to be continued ...

As promised ... the much awaited ...

"The Lengend of Gandalf"

Being the dumbest kid of his age, Gandalf only learnt to write his name at the age of 8. At the age of 9, he learnt the alphabets. At the age of 10, he could only count to ten.

Teacher: "If you have 8 hobbits, 2 are killed by Sauron, the others return safely to the shire, how many are alive?"

Gandalf: "WTF!?! 8 hobbits? I tot only got 4 hobbits and 2 go volcano and 1 go KTV and 1 dunno go where."

Teacher: "I SAID IF LAR YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"

Gandalf: "Erm, I'm ... I'm not sure. Can I have 50/50? Or call a friend?"

Teacher: "NO YOU IDIOT."

(If you want the pictures of the teacher with the blood veins swelling so much that they are about to blow, please pay $50 to Yunghei)

Gandalf: "Zero? After the scorching of the Shire, no hobbits are left."

Teacher: "GRRR!!"

Gandalf: "..."

----------------------------------------------------------

However, he had a talent. He could stop speeding bullets.

Bandit: "Hands up, this is a robbery."

Gandalf: "what you want from me? I only have a magic wand and a teddy bear."

Bandit(angry): "What the fuck! I rob the wrong guy lar, you go and die."

The bandit shoots his AK-47 at Gandalf. (more like sweep) Gandalf leans back and ducks all the bullets. The bandit moves closer and shoots again.

Bandit: "Dodge this!"

Gandalf raises his hand and stops the bullets. The bullets pause in mid-air and as Gandalf lowers his hand, the bullets fall to the ground.

Gandalf: "This is fun. Lucky I didn't choose the blue pill."

--------------------------------------------------

Gandalf was so stupid, his secondary school expelled him. However, his abilty to see the matrix was recognised by another Dumb ass. His name is just as Dumb, Dumbledor.

Dumbledor: "The world out there is dangerous, I want to teach you some magic charms so you can protect yourself in zion."

Gandalf: "Oh goody!"

Dumbledor: "As of this moment, you are a student of Hogwarts."

Gandalf: "Groovy!"

Dumbledor taught Gandalf magic charms, Snape taught Gandalf potions, Hagrid taught Gandalf how to differenciate Hobbits from Teletubbies and the Shire from teletubbyland, ...

Gandalf learnt much and practiced hard, however, with his exceptionally low IQ, he was unable to learn the skills as fast as the other students. Subsequently, he was retained twice. Ops, I meant twice every year. He took 15 years to finish his OWLS and his NEWTS in another 6 years.

However, he was less interested in destroying the "ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL". He was more interested in understanding about the matrix. So, he decided to go to Planet Dathomir to look for Yoda, master of the force and the REAL archetect of the matrix.

After 10 years wandering in space, he came to the swarmpy planet of Dathomir.

Yoda: "I see."

Gandalf: "What the heck do you see?"

Yoda: "I see anger in you."

Gandalf: "If you continue to talk cock like that I don't see why I shouldn't have anger lor. I spent 10 fucking years to come here to hear you talk cock."

Yoda: "No teach thisss kid am I."

Spirit of Neo: "Then I will teach him myself."

Yoda: "Teach him can you not. Not Obi-wan are you."

Spirit: "The kid has talent."

Yoda: "Talent hasss he, IQ no have."

Gandalf: "Yoda is a bitch. If you go teach Anakin when you fucking hell know that he is going to be Darth Vader why you cannot teach me, especially when I'm going to destroy the "ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL"."

Yoda: "Yesss. Evil isss he. But heart hasss he and IQ hasss he. You no IQ."

Yoda looks to be in deep though as he spins his G2 pen.

Yoda: "Wait must you. Talk to must I, Peter Jackson."

Yoda whipped out his Nokia handphone and voice dials for Peter Jackson.

PJ: "Peter Jackson here, who am I speaking to?"

Yoda: "Hello. Yoda am I."

PJ: "yes. What is it about?"

Yoda: "Gandalf learn forccce wantsss. Teach him should I?"

PJ: "If you teach him the force, I not sure leh. He is supposed to fall off a bridge at the dwarven cave. If he know the force, he might not fall off liaoz."

Yoda: "Yesss. Thiss I know."

PJ: "Hey. I can't find an actor for the part of smeagol a.k.a gollum, can you help me?"

Yoda: "Yesss. So teach him am I not."

PJ: "Yupz. Good Bye."

Yoda: "to you, bye good"

------------------------------------------

Yoda turns to Gandalf. Shaking his head.

Yoda: "Tried have I. Act am I, teach am not."

Gandalf: "Wah Lao! You waste my time lar cheebye!"

Yoda: "Ask Morpheus can Neo. Teach you will he."

Spirit of Neo: "Thank you."

Yoda leaves with Gandalf and Neo back to earth on the Star Trek enterprise, each with differnet purposes. Upon arrival, they are greeted by Mecedes taxis. Yoda rides to Hilton hotel in Hollywood, getting ready to film his movie. Neo and Gandalf takes to Zion to look for Morpheus.

Morpheus: "Who is this kid?"

Neo: "Gandalf."

Gandalf: "That's me!"

Morpheus: "I am your father!"

Gandalf: "Talk cock lar you. Mai lai gong siao."

Morpheus: "Ok lar, I teach you the force lar."

Being a slack kid, he could not be bothered to practice his spells and skills. He took damn long to learn again.

(If you have counted, you would have noticed that he was 10 years old when he went to hogwarts and he studied 21 years there, so thats 31 years, 10 years in space makes 41 years, the 3 years he spends learning the force adds this total up to 44)

So, at the age of 44, he goes back to Hogwarts to meet Dumbledor. This time, he has mastered the force under the teachings of Morpheus.

Dumbledor: "Welcome back!"

Gandalf: "Ni hao ma? Lao Bu Si?"

Dumbledor: "You see those orcs out there? Getting ready to attack middle earth? Those ghouls ready to raid the shire and those demetors getting ready to attack Minas Tirith the white city?"

Gandalf: "Wah! down here feng shui so shuang! Can see so many things!"

Dumbledor: "I'm going to teach you the "Expecto Petronum" charm."

Gandalf: "Thank you very much."

Dumbledor: "With great powers comes great responsibility!"

Gandalf: "I know. I will train hard to fight off the dementors summoned by Sauron."

Gandalf recognises the importance to learn the Petronus charm as it will be important for him to play his part in the lord of the rings trilogy. He trains hard and masters this in a year. His Petronus is in the shape of a large eagle.

He then went to the Shire to look for the hobbits to destroy the "ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL". However, we was not very attentive during Hagrid's lessons. He ended up in teletubbyland and got the 4 teletubbies. Well, how can you blame him? Especially when the two places have so much resemblance and the two groups also look so damn stupid and so similar.

After the much unneeded delay, he went to the Shire. On his way there, he had to help Harry Potter defeat Voldemort. (Please refer to "The story of Harry Potter" coming in a blog near you this summer) So, after growing some beard to look older, he reaches the shire. Blasting away dementors with his petronus.

In Peter Jackson's movie, you only see the dementors that suck out the happiness from Frodo. You do not see Gandalf blasting them away with his petronus. At the end of the movie, when Frodo and Samwise is stuck on the mountain surrounded by larva, we get to see Gandalf getting his Petronuses to carry the Hobbits away.

---------------------------------------------------------

I think I'm gonna start on Harry Potter. (by request)

Think I am super bored now. Esp with e A levels nearing and I dun feel like even having the sight of books, so maybe, I'll come up with some crap on this blog. Like say, some adventure story? That sounds interesting. Please feedback on my stories.

"Greek gods conversation on sunday"

It was a cool sunday morning at mount olympus and the Greek Gods were watching Troy for the 735 time. (2 human hours can be anything from 1 femtosecond to 1 millenium for the Greek Gods)

Zeus: "Wah Lau! Knn! What kind of gay show is this man! I screw my wife also not like Brad Pitt so xiong! I'm gonna ask them to make a film about me. And I'll make sure that it's accurate. No doubt, it's gonna be RA."

Hera: "Oi! Stop thinking about sex lar! We can talk about something more interesting, like Wimbledon."

Zeus: "Wah Lau! That game ar? Aiyah, Federer sure win one lar, Roddick no chance man!"

Poseidon: "I think Roddick damn Zai lor. I can bet with you that he will sure win!"

Zeus: "Really? Bet how much?"

Poseidon: "100,000 euros?"

Zeus: "Wah Lau! U ham Chee lar! Either 1 billion euro, or else, dun waste my time man!"

Poseidon: "Aiyah! Anything lar. Sure win one anyway. I lose, I can still use magic to make money."

*Later, during wimbledon.*

Roddick breaks Federer's game to lead 2-1.

Zeus(thinking): "Wah lau! Sucker lar! If this goes on, I'm gonna lose to Poseidon."

Zeus takes out a thunder bolt and throws it to England. The time taken for the bolt to reach England from Greece takes 5-10 minutes, so rain starts to fall 5-10 minutes later with Roddick leading 3-2.

Zeus(thinking): "I'd better go to Federer and help him win!"

Upon arriving at Center court, Zeus speaks to Federer.

Zeus: "Swiss boy, you better win this game. I want you to win!"

Federer: "What the Fuck is happening?"

Zeus(pointing at the cup): "Do you see what's there? It's immortality. Take it, it's yours!"

Federer: "WTF?!?"

Poseidon notices the rain and gets help from the other gods to stop it and allow the match to resume. This move also prematurely ends Zeus' conversation with Federer.

Roddick continues to trash the helpless Federer and wins the first set 6-4.

Zeus(thinking): "I'll need to take more extreme measures."

He goes on to screw up the net and makes it taller everytime Roddick hits. This helps Federer, who played a little better win the second set 7-5.

Roddick, however, is super defiant and goes on to break Federer in the third set to charge to a 4-2 lead.

Zeus, who is damn bleeding pissed off that Roddick looks every bit like a champion, starts another rain after Federer loses from thirty-luv up.

As the rain falls, Zeus meets up with Roddick.

Zeus: "Oi, fucker!"

Roddick: "Oh, hi, Zeus, what a pleasant surprise! Good Afternoon! It's a beautiful day, ain't it? Would you like a cup of tea?"

Zeus: "Shut the fuck up about the beautiful day. I want you to lose to Federer! I'll make all the luck go against you!"

Zeus goes on to cast the spell "weaken" on Roddick. Zeus proceeds to Federer's room and casts spells on Federer. The spells grant him strength to match Roddick, good eyesight to see Roddick's blur of 140+mph serves, ...

Rain stops, courtesy of the Great Poseidon.

Roddick who is traumatised after the meeting with Zeus fumbles and starts losing. As he picks up points, Zeus screws up the net. When he's trying to focus, Zeus crashes the camera behind Roddick to disturb him or gets a bird into the centre court. It is at such circumstances that Roddick is eventually beaten by Federer.

*after the match*

Zeus: "Haha! I won!"

Poseidon: "Anything lar. I smell something fishy though. How on earth can a bird get into center court and how on earth can a stupid match be interupted by rain twice?"

Poseidon then proceeds to reluctantly admit defeat and transfers 1 billion Euros into Zeus' account via internet banking on his O2 PDA.



Poseidon who felt that he lost more than just money (pride) is damn pissed. He then decides to screw up the Grand Prix.

Looking at Ferrari team's Schumi, he scribbles a whole chunk of crap onto a small piece of paper and folds it into a paper pallet. He whispers some spells and shoots it into Ross' head. Ross comes up with a wierd idea of taking more pit stops.

*****Here, I assume everybody who's reading this knows that taking pit stops will slow you down as you must STOP. Slowing down when entering the pit lane also breaks your momentum, so taking more pit stops is bad. DO NOT listen to the crap about less fuel and less weight, it's nonsense.*****

With Poseidon's blessings, Schumi nails the race and just in case the Grand Prix is not screwed up enough, he decides that Trulli should be humiliated by letting Barricello overtake him for the podium spot at the very last corner.

Poseidon returns to mount olympus to find that he missed the first 5 minutes of the Euro 2004 finals. He looks away from the TV set and sees Athena, Zeus, Hera, Ares, Aphrodite, Demeter ... all working their magic and doing voodoo on the portuguese players.

Poseidon turns to the TV set and looks at Demeter's Pauleta doll and Aphrodite's Miguel doll. He picks them both up and smashes the two of them at each other. (remember the 20th minute incident? the clash between Miguel and Pauleta in the penalty box?)

Poseidon then goes on to talk to his closest friends about how he screwed up the Grand Prix. But none them looks impressed. Pissed, he snatches Aphrodite's Miguel doll and throws it at Hephaestus, who waves his hand and swipes the doll away. The doll falls to the ground and a small piece falls off the chest. (remember the injury?)

At half time, the Greek gods called for a Pizza Hut delivery dinner. (Remember, it's early morning here, but dinner time in greece. Gods need to eat too, you know?)

The Greek Gods decide that the time has come for the shock and decide to stop focusing on the forcefield which they laid before the greek goal. Greece, who really suck like hell in soccer, eventually (eventually here means with much much much... more help from the Gods earn a "much deserved" corner)(they deserved it after all the hard work put in by the Gods). The rest, as they say are history.

The Greek Gods made the forcefield on the greek goal more powerful and casted an aura of invincibility on the greek players who eventually won the game.

Congratulations to Zeus who won 1 billion Euros and Schumi who won the Grand Prix and Greece for having Gods who helped them take the European cup back to Greece.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned to my blog as I prepare to tell of the story of Gandalf.

Sneak previews:


Dumbledor: "I'm going to teach you the "Expecto Petronum" charm."

Gandalf: "Thank you very much."

Dumbledor: "With great powers comes great responsibility!"

Gandalf: "I know. I will train hard to fight off the dementors summoned by Sauron."