Learn to Love the Fool

Some days I feel like the queen of foolishness.

I'm not usually a spontaneous person.  But when my emotions get involved I become impulsive and....well lets just say a little crazy.

You Don't Have To Go To the Single's Ward You Know

I hesitate to share this story.

(I know its bizarre to have a blogger who is kind of a private person.  The word oxy-moron comes directly to mind.)


But somewhere in the world, there is someone who feels guilty and trapped.  And it is my hope that my story will free them.


Roughly 6 months ago I chose to stop attending the singles branch in my area and attend the family ward instead.  I was only 25 and still single, and therefore not required to leave because of ineligibility.

But I had to leave.


Throughout the preceding months I had experienced multiple difficult moments in my life...both personally, socially and spiritually.

I was hurt and very much broken.  I had been treated unkindly.  I had been made to feel low and worthless.

Church had become very hard.  But I kept going...every week with a renewed plan to reach out.  To get outside of myself.  To smile and talk to the girl who might be hiding a secret pain just as much as myself.

And every week I would walk into the building bracing myself to put forth an effort I wasn't sure I had the energy to put forth.

And every week I left feeling defeated and more hurt.  I would walk into the meeting room and see evidence of past pain and current hurt.  And suddenly the valiant efforts I wanted to make...to ensure no one felt as alone and unloved as I felt...fizzled.

And suddenly I turned inward.  Self-focused yes.  In my own head yes.

I didn't help anyone.  I didn't reach out to anyone.

And worse...I couldn't listen and learn myself.


I was spiraling.  My hurt was turning into bitterness and anger.

I had stayed out of feelings of duty and responsibility.  But was I doing anyone any good?

I wasn't.  So I stepped back.  And made a change.


And to this day, I will say it was the best decision I could have made at the time.


I knew I could not leave the church.  In the past, religion and spirituality had been a buoy in times of pain and hurt.

So I chose to attend the family ward.  I worked in the nursery....aka the best place in the world for someone who is hurting, feeling unloved, and unsure.


Many people told me I was wrong.  That I was being unsupportive of my local leaders and singles congregation.
They said I wasn't where I belonged or where I was supposed to be.


I appreciate their opinions.  And perhaps in some settings they might be right.
But I knew that for me...at that time...my choice was perfectly correct.



So what is the moral?  Why do I share?

Single's congregations...wards and branches....were created to provide a place for young single adults to feel comfortable.  To be able to find social connections with other people in their same time of life.

So if that is what you need...and where you feel comfortable.  GO!!!!!!!!

But if you feel more comfortable in your family ward.  Go there.  And don't feel guilty.

my Lenten gift...taking a bit of truth from everywhere

Traditionally members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (ya know...us Mormons haha) do not celebrate the season of Lent.

However, I myself (and I'm sure many others) greatly revere and admire the practice.
The act of forsaking something for 40 days....a truly symbolic amount of time...to draw closer to God and the Savior Jesus Christ is a beautiful practice.

The idea of celebrating and remembering the Savior leading up to Easter, a time where all Christians everywhere remember the greatest moment of all history and all eternity doesn't seem like a bad idea to me!

In the past I have joined other Christians and considered what in my life was keeping me from the Savior and from experiencing the complete happiness He wants me to have.


But this year has been a little different.  This year, shortly before Ash Wednesday I experienced a great loss.  An unexpected loss.  A loss that knocked me down and left me questioning how I ought to move forward....or even if I could.

The obvious thought came to my mind of giving up the sadness and despair I felt.  Push it away and force the happiness into my life.

Are you laughing yet?  Looking back I am!  Like that was going to be remotely possible!!!!

Luckily I received some very wise counsel from a dear friend and church leader.

When those of the Jewish faith experience a loss they have a very special grieving process.  Shiva is kept by close family for a week and afterwards many will continue to practice grieving rituals for 30 days and then 12 months after.

These devout and wonderful people truly allow themselves to deal with the loss...mourn the life...remember the person....and honor their memory.

Letting go of grief is not an immediate process.  It takes time, and allowing ourselves that time is the most important step.


So this Lent, this Mormon is drawing from the truths found in Catholicism and Judaism and adding a twist
For me, Lent will not be so much what I am not doing, but what I am doing.

I am not going to hide from my emotions.  I'm not going to bury them deep inside me to fester and grow until explosion.
I am going to allow myself to feel.  And even more...I am going to ask for the help needed to strengthen me throughout the process.
Sadness is an important and needed emotion.  The scriptures tell us Christ wept.  The gift of tears and weeping and feeling is just that...a gift that fosters empathy.

But sadness can easily become despair.  And the minute we fall into despair shortly after falls discouragement and we begin to lose faith and hope.


Easter morning is the single most hope-filled day of the year.  After mourning and sadness and difficult times, we can rise and