the me I thought I knew .}}
http://shikiftw.blogspot.com/
Who I am?
Name: 四季, Michelle
Gender: Female
Birthday: 23OCT1992
What I yearn
1. Be happy.
2.
Be happy
3.
Be happy
4.
Be happy
5. DS lite!
6. Whole set Kingdom Hearts manga!
7. Go to Sentosa.
What I abhor
1.
Myself...
Myself.
2.
Being accused of.
3. Not given basic respect.
4. Getting spammed/scammed.
Cosplay Plans
1. Natsuo [Loveless] - ?
2. Naruto [Naruto] - ?
A walk down memory lane .}}
Date: Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Title: Friends are...
nonsense. :U
I'm losing hope in humanity.
Oh god I have only 4 hours left to sleep.
That asides.
Been feeling down.
I know why. But its stupid.
Its always the same problems I face.
I think not being a people person is horrible.
How do you be a people person?
Oh god. Its funny how one can make a person laugh yet the other can't even though the other is putting in efforts.
STRESS.
Its so stressful making/being with friends!
=_=
I wish I could live without communication. LOL
But that'd be like emo and impossible.
Oh welll. What better way then to rant it out and ignore them till we're no longer friends?
Whee. Same cycle repeat.
With love, Shiki<3
This twisted event happened ; on
2:33 AM
Date: Thursday, April 7, 2011
Title: Alive Post
Yeap a post to show that I'm alive right now.
I'm currently using an iPhone to type here it's pretty awesome yet tough at the same time since I can't get used to touch screens.
I type like an idiot but gah that's not the point.
So yeah a few things happened recently. I feel better about life now.
Why?
Because I think I met better friends this time.
So what does it mean to be a better friend?
It means stayin in contact without waiting for the other party to do it.
It means mutual efforts to stay friends.
This was what I felt was lacking from before.
People who were friends just because we'll be spending 3 years together...
That's definitely not what I want.
Also on a more sad-ish note.
I really really really really really really really give up okay?
(: hope that this really teaches me a lesson... Well it did already but yeah..
I'm giving up because I see it worst than a lost cause now.
I'm such an idiot but then again it's a human behaviour.
Okaaaay so now what am I actually doing?
Waiting for Haru to fly her butt here to Toa Payoh mrt to eaaaat.
Hahas 'nuff talk.
I shall stop typing now XD...
With love, Shiki(:
This twisted event happened ; on
12:43 PM
Date: Saturday, January 1, 2011
Title: New Year
Its a brand New Year, 2011.
2010 passed by so quickly, like it was nothing.
The times in 2010 wasn't bad, but it wasn't pleasant either.
Or should I say I came to terms with many things in 2010, that made me unhappy.
And that unhappiness makes me feel like I'm horrible.
Because I should be happy instead of being unhappy.
I came to terms with matters of the heart.
It has to stop. I can't go on with liking someone for so long.
Really. I thought I would have given up long ago.
Funny thing is I guess I'll always have a soft spot for this.
But I know a lost cause when it is.
Even my dreams are haunting me for it.
I'll never find myself happy down that road.
I came to terms with matters between various hearts.
They won't always be with you.
If you don't do anything, they'll just forget you.
Because they have others in their life.
And I'm just a pathetic loner.
Thats sad, but the truth.
Its really. Just really sad.
I feel like I'm all alone in this vast world.
It makes me feel like I'm really that one insignificant person amongst the rest.
Like I was born to be out of the circle.
Those imperfections to make the perfects perfect.
A blemish in the pure white canvas.
I feel like crying, because I don't want this loneliness.
I feel like crying, because I know I won't ever get out of this loneliness.
But thats life.
I'm all alone.
I'm totally used to eating alone and going out alone now.
I can do this.
Because friends aren't always there for you.
They'll be with you for a short while and leave you for another.
Thats what friends are for.
They make use of one another, like how I am.
That asides, 2011 resolutions:
1. Be able to stand alone.
2. I don't know.
I don't know. Ill leave it for it is.
Sorry.
With love, Shiki.
This twisted event happened ; on
12:02 AM
Date: Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Title: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I'm SCARED!
Not of the dark nor about other things.
But I don't know!
I think I'm scared of being alone!
I don't want to feel this way...
Dammit!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
With Love, Shiki.
This twisted event happened ; on
5:12 AM
Date: Saturday, December 25, 2010
Title: Christmas
寂しいな。。。
今日は本当にちょっとだけ寂しいの日。
どうして？自分はわからないとも。
みんあは嬉しいけど。。。
あああ。。。
I felt irritated when people wished me Christmas.
So I switched my phone off.
Back then I would have been one of those people sending christmas wishes to otgers, but now...
When did I change to the person I am now?
'I hate happy occasions,
because other people are happy
while I'm sad and alone.'
When did I have such selfish thoughts.
Or maybe I've always been this selfish.
But...
I was really, really happy when I was invited over.
Smiling so widely and happily.
It really made my day, much more than anything.
That aside, the rainy weather really made me feel down as well.
But it was... refreshing.
僕がなくってだから天ともなくって。
こんなの感じ悪いじゃない。
With love, Shiki.
This twisted event happened ; on
9:29 PM
Date: Thursday, December 23, 2010
Title: Thoughts.
Looking back to a year ago, I realized how much things have changed, greatly.
Back then things were simpler, but now it seems as if just being together would be troublesome.
I now that reminiscing about the past will not do anything. It will not change what is happening currently, nor in the future.
But is it really so bad?
Is it really that bad to think back about the fun times?
I ask myself that and I came to a conclusion.
Yes it is bad.
Because time passed, things changed and they aren’t going back to how they were before.
I remember the times where we went out, exchanged our presents and had fun.
But now, Christmas is just another day to live through.
It is tiring, to constantly be the one to put in the effort, the time and the feelings into doing something. Because I know my feelings did not get through. It hurts so much.
Talking about the past, I remembered those times I had my fun innocent time with my ‘friend’.
She probably made me what I am today.
I still remember your name, your face and the times we spent together.
Yet when I think back, I can’t help but think that I’m just plain dumb.
Why couldn’t I see that you were just using me?
Why couldn’t I see that I was merely a tool to you?
Then again, I’m lying to myself, because I probably knew your motives when I was being your friend.
I really, probably, truly did love you, so very much.
Admitting that to myself was hard.
Because of you, I am who I am now.
Or maybe it is because I am who I am now that I made a friend like you.
Back then, I remember that we both liked the same boy.
I also knew that you told him bad things about me.
But I can’t help but forgive you, because you were my friend back then.
The person I couldn’t let go as a friend.
Haha. Or maybe... I was just lonely and you were the only one who showed me pity.
But it was really really really all I really wanted.
You were like a stream of light in the darkness that I wanted to reach out to.
False.
But you were there.
You did many things that had hurt me, but even now, I think that I really can’t hate you.
I don’t know why. But I just can’t.
I probably am one of those idiots, who put a tough front to others but are really just a pile of mush inside.
I hate it, but I’m just that. It is something I can’t help, a reflex I guess.
Because I’m probably weak, so I have this feeling.
Well, back on track.
I really wonder who is my friend?
Who will be the person who can be a friend for me?
I’m really selfish and possessive.
So I doubt, I’ll meet someone?
Even so, I wish so badly...
For that person to show up.
With love, Shiki.
This twisted event happened ; on
9:53 PM
Date: Saturday, October 23, 2010
Title: Nononono!
Please don't go!
Please stay, rain.
I have yet to feel your touch!
With love,Shiki.
This twisted event happened ; on
4:17 PM
Ayano