Your hands

The disappearance of cindy
For
Wed
Exam

Shut my ears from all that makes me green

Erasing all that makes me ponder

Concentrating in what I promised
And
Forgetting all that hurts in the process

Mr Cat are you here in spirit for me?
I’ll try not to let you down.

just you and me

friends and i
family and i
lovers and i

pairings
groups
cliques

humans-social beings-associations

if i miss you hard enough.
is that love?
or reliance?

if you forget me
did you ever really think of me in the first place

am i running away from regret
do i even regret my choices?
or am i in denial.

is my heart in the right place

why must i react to pictures and memories.

i miss holding big hands
why do i feel that you are really dead

after so long
ice creams and soft toys still push me into the past
and once im back to reality
all i feel is a loud lost
that void
is something i never want to feel again.

so walls of distrust will breed
and ironically
being alone.or the fear of it.
will breed lonliness

:(

i can hear my stomach digesting my food

that's how quiet my room is

hugs?

studying for my exam now :(
so many things to learn

today jae went to visit mom :))))))))))))))))))
SOMEONE SHIFTED MY BED IN SINGAPORE
WTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
:(

i miss my gundam figurine.....
seriously
was sooooooo tempted to bring it with Mr Cat.
but was too scared of it breaking apart in the place
:(


on the up side
i finished my QM2 assignment with crystal today :))))))

lunch as kaya with bread.
dinner was rice and cinnimon chicken and soup.
with subway cookies and ice cream and apple ice blend.

burp
really feel abit lonely now.
someone throw me a hug pls

woah

woke up in a daze
washed my cup
BIG EFFING MISTAKE

the damn plaster dropped while i was sleeping
wthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
trying having detergent in a cut....somehow it makes leeeetle cuts sting like mad and bleed again.ABITTTTTTTTTTT
but cindy is a buff girl.


woah
but it woke me up fair and square

went to lecture
now im at home.
considering .......
abt the possibility of cindy skipping lecture.................

but i won't la

melb is super quiet
luckily barb is coming back tonight.
why can't SIA lend me a plane to fly ppl over

last night's dinner was...ice cream and ice cream
lunch was instant noodles and.......chips

vitamins came in jelly candy.

healthy cindy! :)))))))))

someone pass me a lifeline

really relieved when alex picked up the phone.

cause no one did
and that really made me scared
just like those days
when no one came

too cold and tired to fag
is that good enough?

i can't keep up with the work from uni
but i can and i will
does that make sense?

i really hate the sickening feeling
reminds me of my jc days.

when i broke the bowl
when i stared at all the pieces and din know what to do
when i stared at the mess
when i panicked
when i called
when i called and called and called
when i calmed down
when i picked it all up
when i cut myself accidently
when i licked the cut
when i washed it
when i thought of the mess of all the work accumulating

1 person

i can do this.it's going to be okay
i said that again and again and again in the shower.

it's going to be okay
that's what i told myself that day,that month,that year
and it's true
with mom bros annd friends

now.
it's going to work out fine again.
won't it?
i had practice

just that now.
the room's silent

not much of a diff

dips and spikes

i woke up late.
cold and :(
so....decided not to go for tutorial.
but.

at least met rachel and crys in lecture :)))
and roomie made sweet and sour pork

going to set a rule for myself.
sleep by 12am EVERYFUCKING day.

amen.

so going to get h1a for my qm2
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i mean how hard can stats be!
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

kk.gtg.i'm gonna mug my ass off.
and ace the frigging assignments/grp work/tests and exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw i maxed out my slacker days already.
unimelb can just watch my back

ringring

its 8:42am singapore time.
1042am melbourne time.
im deciding on whether i should heave my body to school. or just rot infront of the computer.

my lesson is at 11am

the question of today...
should cindy go to school.

well thinking abt it from a certain perspective..........

im nuts
i travelled over
just to study
and im THINKING OF going to school.
wow.
kinda defeats the purpose of coming over yeah....if i dun go?

someone hold my hand and walk me to school pls.
im damn sleepy and grouchy.
what if the damn classmates bully me again?
then how?
should i control myself from slapping them?

hmmmmmmmmmmmm
let me ponder over it.

i wish i could bring Mr cat to school.
but i think it'll get stolen/pranked upon/get dirty :((((((((((((

then wow no more sleeping partner.GOOD GAME.

i want prata and hot teh with super gaooooooo condense milk and suugarrrrrrrrrr pls.thanks uncle.i come back in 5 min to collect.

when can i finally utter this sentence?
i really wonder.

of citation,fags and ddp

i finally sort of "created" the 1000 essay thingy
by created i mean...piece/type/ANYHOW wack

loads of paraphrasing and stuff to be settled
i think it was badly done.cause i have all the damn things i wanna say and i don't know why but it really reflects how haphazard fuzzly confused i am.not of the topic.but of things in general. :(

but atleast Mr Bill Gates helped.
thank god for citation and bibliography tools.

calmed myself down in the shower.
determination
discipline and
pride

god i sound like a communist idiot

wish i cld hug dad to sleep now.
everything will be just fine.
just you wait

from winter to spring

this sounds hopelessly narcissistic but

ever since i've arrived in melb.
i think
my moods,or rather my feelings
reflect the weather

i was and i still am gloomy

but today.
after last night's talk with jae
the whole idea of my buddy mumbling some thing
and not really the thing itself....kinda melted the whole gloomfest thing abit.
sounds lame but nothing she said really made me feel better or motivated...
it was more of.....she said something.which means...she listened,processed and made an effort to care,think and give advice.
and now i think.that process cheered me up

i am not forgotten. :)
thank you very much.cindy is like a 5 year old attention seeking child now.
yup
i'm not exactly overjoyed at this realization and neither am i particularly proud of it.
but im glad, that....i found out a cure.
hahahahahahaa frigging optus plans will cheer me up :))))

anyway, i do hope that this less tensed feeling will continue to increase.cause i was too high strung to do ANY FRIGGING WORK yesterdae.
today at elast i typed a paragraph.ONE paragraph.

from winter to spring'

winter came and
almost seemed as though it'll never end.
just as i thought i could not hold out
the brief glimmer of spring revived me
spring's just peeking around the corner

i hope my mood will continue to thaw soon too.

discipline, determination and pride are all you need is what dad used to say.

so with my hope of spring.i cling on to the three as well, now barely but they will grow.Yes.


oh.btw below is what i did for my assignment...i still ahve 4/5th to go.do help me proofread it.its abit jumbled and mumbled.and word of caution, i still need to paraphrase and edit it loads incase of copyright issues
"This paper will begin by discussing the different assumptions “Scientific Management” and Human Relations” makes about workers, it will then explain how each approach suggests managers should do to get the most out of workers and finally it will end off with the implications of each approach for workers and the rationale behind my partiality towards the “Human Relations” approach.

Firstly, “Scientific Management” is largely based on ‘time and motion’ principles with the view that workers are biological machines. Under this school of thought, the ideal worker is one who passively carries out his tasks in the exact order set out by the management.

“Scientific Management” assumes that all workers are classified under the “economic man” principle. Under this principle, financial reward is the principal incentive for workers, with the belief that all workers would react rationally and cooperate with management if they are given financial advantages. (Miller, D., & Form, W. H, 1964, Pg.646). Under this approach, in order to obtain optimum performance from workers, there is only “one single best way”, with the main focus based purely on efficiency. Managers design production processes and jobs as simple as possible and tell workers exactly what is to be done. The work usually entails little or no mental inputs from the workers as it is mostly repetitive tasks.

There are several implications of “Scientific Management”.

The first being; managers would use money as the incentive for workers to reach optimum performance. Secondly, the dehumanizing of work will come into play, as the tasks are repetitive and workers are not expected to give feedback and are not supposed to modify the tasks or the order of the work processes, leading back to the point whereby workers are treated as biological machines. The secondary influence of this implication would be of the “de-skilling” of workers as they are conditioned to the set of repetitive task in a manner assigned by management. They therefore have no opportunity to improve on the processes or absorb other knowledge which they might have should they have been allowed to modify the processes or tasks at hand."

It kinda sucks in a mumblyjumbly way :(
don't you think so?

i just want to go home

eating a reheated dinner infront of the computer alone and cold
and pretending that the friend u are chatting with is sitting next to you and not in singapore on msn...........

is

unbearably tiring

but i'm cindy and i'm here in melbourne,because of my choices in life.
because i knew this is the path to take.

so i'm not going to whine.

but can i just say "i just want to go home"
it's irritating to the ear and hopelessly childish.
but trust me i can whine ALOT MORE.

for now.just let me say "i just want to go home"
i will go for lessons.try not to dash out of them with a hp and singapore number in tow.
i will go for lectures and try not to doodle images of mates back in singapore.
i will cook dinners and try not to eat instant noodles.
i will sleep early and try not to sleep singapore time.
i will TRY to respond in a conversation with weird stranger boys in class.
i will TRY not to bitch slap bitchy stranger girls in class.
i will try not to eat fatty ang moh oil creamy food.

i miss my friends so badly (that's not whining....that's a fucking fact)

random quote
"because I can't help you when you're crying in your dreams.
So at least when you're awake, i want you to smile.
Let me for each tear you've shed so far
be able to make you smile."

summary

i am getting fatter
thanks to daily ice creams
and creamy fatty oily food

oh im getting more and more financially unstable too

on the up side.
my internet is finally up and running
and starting 12th aug....
im gonna change my hp plan....
i'll be able to call back to singapore for 30 min everydamn day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy