the story of a book

there was a brand new book
which lived in a normal house
occasionally it would get treated by being read.

one night.
the owner fell into some bad luck.
and the whole house was sold.
one thing led to another n the book was given to the public library.

there it was borrowed,returned,borrowed,returned..........and the cycle happened over and over again
sometimes it was borrowed by real book lovers who took care of the book like a gem,
but they always had to return it once the due date came.
sometimes the book was borrowed for too long.
but in the end it went back to the library.

sometimes it got borrowed by people who just wanted to take a brief look at it and sometimes they treated the book as something to show to friends that they were reading its story.
some of the people who borrowed the book treated the book with the complete disregard for its well being.

over the months, the book suddenly developed a hole in one of its pages while it was being borrowed by one of the library's readers.
it stared at the hole.
and started to panic.

the more it stared at the hole.
the larger it seemed to become.
the longer it looked at the hole.
the more the book thought about its life after the original owner's demise.

the book merely wanted to make the owner happy.
even if it was just once a year
it wanted to age with the owner
it wanted to feel the comfort of just lying on the shelf and getting picked up now and then for a read.

it does not want the attention of the others.
it just wants its pages to be flipped carefully.


the book ached with the painful longing for the past
and then it started to shed its pages.
one by one they drop everyday.
soon, with age, all that is left. would be the cover.

it would then be declared useless and get thrown away.

are you the book?

uncertainty

so you took off once again.
why am i not surprised
time changed everyone.
but your character isstill the same.

i wonder if the girls still behave like moths to a bulb

..........................
obligations.......
are what we all face.
to bend or to run away makes everyone different.


......................
exams.
uni .......is it what i really want?
when living with no responsibilities and commitments is the future i seek?

god bless my mind

crescent to the present

life in crescent seem so far away.

the yellow shirt and blue dress.

the lotus logo and the red pillars.

the staircases and science labs.
and

of course the people that walked ard.

we were just just 13yrs old leaving colour pencils for pens and emo blades.

then came 15 and 16.

with cliques and squabbles. everyone looked so strange

jc brought new meaning to skirts rumours and doubts

with poly came saddness and age.

everyone leads their own life through their own choices. some choices stem from wisdom and some from stupidity. but all these choices push us into the future.

i fear my choices and sometimes i fear the choices that the people ard me take.

i hope our efforts of the search of happiness pays off

so much for ranting out the thoughts in my mind..............

now for the real reason of this blog.


................
this post is dedicated to my buddy who SUDDENLY called this afternoon.
she actually made good our bet which we made when we were in sec 1

marriage.
WOOHOO.

thank god adela n i r nuns.amen

balloon

i feel sorry for the ppl ard me.
not in a gd mood.
do NOT make me feel any worser.


:(



head pain.
heart pain

wallet pain


-

the thin line

the line btw wants and needs.

i wonder if i can really control wants and stop them from expanding into needs.

i'm tired of the mess in my mind.i just want a rest from worrying.

the lady is waiting for me.
should i talk?
or should i swallow.................
:]


friends.............
w/ angels, devils but ultimately in love with the beautifully flawed individuals of my life...

time expired

FIT presentation DONE

really wanna let it end nicely with the report approved and all

anyways spent time with wl n salny loosening up my mind after hours of stress and worry
then saw phyllis and joyce and had a weird 1st contact with phyllis' friends

then was with forest n wt.
slack abit eat

then met phy at bus stop.
decided on impulse that we should go to great world city.
found rather okae foodie places tat i din noe existed there like gastro- and living kitchen.etc

in the end we chose the safer option....................kenny's
ate alot half a slab of ribs rice n muffin
then...........decided to go drinking........
choice one=liquid kitchen for a while.........
choice 2=balco

choice 2 won.........
went there lk was there too.

a very happy thing happened.(something that has not been done recently)
they asked for my i/c when we sat down.
haha.Phyllis requested to be asked.
n lk the chao lao uncle was not asked at all.

witnessed a fabled girl's night out post break up session(cliche shit)

then cabbed home w/ lk.
wrap up.
time with phyllis was as expected.....................gd, funny,enjoyable and totally worry free.

-being cynical seems smart and safe to all if not to many.
but sometimes with all the pragmatic views about society and life.

i rather be dumb,naive and fucked up innocent

love and the royal pain of it all

surrounded by friends with problems regarding love.

this post is not directed to anyone in particular but rather abt love and
CINDY's own direct and indirect brushes and dealings with it.

some treat it with careful consideration.........ALOT of careful consideration

i just go along with it.


love for diff type of ppl differs in ways..........but ultimately one characteristc behaves the same in all type of love

the more u love, the more hurt u get when you fall out of it or when u don't get the same amt back. A NO brainer.

some choose to seal themselves off it while others pursue it doggedly

i used to run in the opposite direction once i see it 98765434 miles away.
now i just take it as it is.
rather like an old lady nodding herself to sleep involuntarily
not bothering to take coffee cause she has nothing better to do anyway.n not forcing herself to sleep since she is going to sleep forever soon.

loving requires patience and selflessness mostly
both of which i clearly lack (towards a certain group of people.)

love seems to be so overrated at times and yet.
it does seem to be whatever everyone says it is.
it comes in so many forms and affects us differently in countless ways.

it inspires and crushes the bravest and smartest Man
it nurtures,breeds and kills anyone in its path.


greatly uncontrollable
i rather just be a heavy glass bottle and hope for the best n let the damn waves take me to wherever they want to but hopefully landing on soft sands, safe


my attitude towards all love is the same.
let it be and it'll sort itself out ultimately
the end.

balancing

i wonder if the people are juggling and trying to balance all the insanities of life as well



don't really believe on horoscopes

but wtf must the moods of the ppl ard me affect me so much :(

si ying was being a mute today.din wanna answer my questions .........luckily found ways to teach her math using colours and shapes.

zhen xiang din finish his hw but still he did attempt n i rather that than copying answers from the booklet. worried for his vocab n careless mistakes

tml=zhen jie....the labelled "trouble maker" by mom
oh wells

after tution went home......................did hospital paper work for mom
i hate the god damn bills and medication listings

cindy is tired'
don't screw ard with her and her time.

give her yummy candy and yummy rice and yummy tian pings.and yummy cakes.
n non lecherous hugs

tml............will be a better day.i hope

filled up week

last week was maddness
with tution
cooking for friends
and going to gf's house
going out with alex
going for friend's performances
visiting friend's bazaar
cooking for bro

hopefully this week.it'll be quieter so i can CONCENTRATE on EXAM MUGGING and projects
and i need to find new ways of teaching before bore myself n my students to death.

and i really wanna complete my work by FRIDAY.so i have to work really hard to push myself to the limit n mug and work like an insane person AGAIN.
otherwise.........

no time for friends/family and bf during the weekends. :[

lesson 101.after cooking, soak yourself in "the body shop)'s yummy fruity/milky fragrant bath gels and immerse your head in a tub of shampoo and yummy grape conditioner. stand in the showers like that for as long as u can and wash out......
result=a shrivelled prune textured body of a human but ultimately NOT smelling of GARLIC and SPICES and OIL....................but of yummy fruit soaps :)))))))

tripping

being tripping up over people recently

reason-doing and saying whatever comes to mind instantly.

the consequences-pissing ppl off and making others happy.

being yourself is not as rejuvenating as how magazines/self help books tell it.
it does not involve the mythic feeling of

"having a whole new golden aura of individualistic sense of being" emitting from your body

or the sudden sense of

"omg, i should have done this a long time ago! i feel so at peace and enlightened and comfortable with myself!"

the way i feel it, is, doing what your think and saying what you feel
may not be as extreme as ignoring the feelings and actions of others around you.
i mean subconsciously you feel and take into account the thoughts of actions of those ard you, most of the time its what they feel/do that affects your moods/actions.

so doing what your instincts tell you 1st and generally really behaving like what your mind wants to .
just basically involves alot of mindless bravery to swallow the consequences and generally having the "fuck, just do it" mentality.

the art of "being yourself" should be practiced at moderation
unless of course you have morals of a saint

when people say "just be yourself"

it is just a condensed from of

"do what makes you happy, but please remember your surroundings, SPCA regulations, our feelings, your job situation, moral and ethical issues,etc"

if we all did what we want and be ourselves 24/7

we wld all be behind bars and the world would be full of Hitlers running amok

that being said.

i really enjoy the spontaneity of saying and doing whatever comes to mind, some of the secondary effects of friends being upset were not pleasant but
their initial reaction (stunned/upset faces) were priceless

esp since some of them were the ones who told me to "just be yourself".

haha'

to those reading this post.

pls don't "just be yourself".
i have no faith in your human instincts
pls just do/say things that makes cindy happy :]

tired

been some time since i last blogged

hmmm
got back results
passed all CTs

got to realli settle down and mug for exams
think of new ways to teach
do some book keeping


yawns

skipped abit of school todae
went to peng's house to cook.

then went out for dinner with si jie peng n other ppl.
other ppl=new friends=
xiao bai(forgot his name)
ter bah boy(forgot his name also)
and a tanned couple(both names =cindy din register)
all have chinese names.

anyways.
after that went back and blew cake.

the guitar playing reminded me of the past.
and a particular shirt as well.
and the teasing.

oh wells

hope si jie liked his bdae :]

rants

if one has time to give a jumble of words as "work done"
i rather that person spend that equal amt of time to churn out a few lines of proper work.




god bless them
for cindy is too tired to scold them.
but once she has enough sleep.she will :]

musings.

have you ever got that unsympathetic feeling?

when u see...........

funny stuff

recently saw soemone cry
call the person..A

and B came along to "comfort" A.
saying
"don't forget u still have us, even if u lose him/her"

then B cried as well.


a normal person wld prob think.how touching.

i just think that it is ...........suffocating.
the line "don't forget u still have us".......
is not telling the person that he/ she still has ppl to support him.

it's sneakily giving him a threat.
it's telling the person.
you better stop thinking of that person and remember u have us to support.


weird but i feel like vomitting from the sight of the self pity overpouring from B.

life sucks,tears are good to let out at times for certain people at certain times.but other than that.over doing it is.........a pain in the ass for the people ard u.
so.........moral of the story: i should reflect from their actions and not fall into depressing shit and wallow in self pity.

the not so perfect line

2007..................
was really hard


family
friends
health
school

stuff happened.some of which i really wish were just really bad nightmares

2008.....
today-had something troubling me........changed into something that gives me hope for the new year so...decided to plan for this year.

2008
i'm not going to wish for a perfect line
cause it would never happen.
and a perfect year would also mean..........time would seem shorter and experiences would definately be lessened.

so......
i'm going to wish that
whatever time brings me and to my loved ones.
*since we can't really change destiny and irritating crap such as fate*

i hope whatever happens would make us all alittle wiser, a little more satisfied with what we have and alot more happier with ourselves and the mess around us.

and now for the most cliche new year resolutions*which probably wun come true*
(i was told by some wise man/woman in some book that new year resolutions must be detailed and realistic and must be written down)

1)try to change my negative ways.
meaning: meditating at night and sorting out what i did in the day.so that i can HOPEFULLY reflect and erase or at least modify my unwholesome behaviour
*we all know this would only be done for the 1st 2 days before i quit,but uhhh.let me soak in denial)

2)sort out my time
meaning: i did not complete whatever i started in 2007 and i really don't want this habit to continue. so.......i will try to keep a task in mind at the time. irritating myself out with the goal of perfection is also a pain in the ass.so.i will have to try to give everything a best shot and just walk away when things don't work out

3) think of my future in a detailed way
meaning: i've been on the life train but with no destination in mind and with the tracks being expectiations of family/society..............2008 means i'll be 20 and with dad being the way he is.and my future on the line.i probably have to face the fear of my future this year and really consider my options in life
(so...........i would have to be my ass down to a career councellor,read up on occupations,read up on different subjects when i can and explore new options)


k i already have a headache thinking about these crazy new year resolutions
:[

FIT export services=the present task
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