31st oct! :]

school was boring
after tqat tried to mug at KAP with jae

FAILED
ended up pigging out.

then gf called
hahahahahhahaa
on impluse we decided to go trick or treating.

jae was fucking sweet.she went home with me
got amused by my angry rants abt a certain ape guy.
then helped me look for goth ideas.

lp came in her cosplay clothes and i luv cold storage!
hahahahahhaa

my blood looks mighty pretty'~!

my neighbours were great.gave us like.2.5kg of candy.
and the deco were fab in every house.

n the jap n korean ladies were super nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i luv lp n halloween n jae and candy MOST
lol

more pics on friendster.

todae's verdict=happy tired n stoned

things that make me smile and more desires

random calls from people i miss
kisses from people i love
hugs from friends
pats on my head from bros
memories of time spent with people who now seem so far away
holding hands with people who depend on me as much as i rely on them

having the ability to walk away from all this, stand alone and know i'll be alright in the end

lessons..

lesson one-dionne likes to see fred drunk
lesson two-wb gets red easily
lesson three-ppl like to strip after 4 shots
lesson four-once high,"civilized boy" wld call everyone and everything fat and bitchy in a cab.
lesson five-do not drink on a full stomach

cin'

tiredy day

just came back from Chapter2
went there w/ jae cause she needed a hair cut.

n last night jae stayed over.


haha.we din have much fun cause soon after we came home........

BAM! i fell on the bed.
and POOF!
cindy was in wonderland.

kk

time for a journey there yet again```

........a bad day

u wld think after so many operations i wld be used to it.

but no
i'm not.

i'm scared

'upset

shopped

after school
went to make a new atm card.

i luv uob's service!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :]

then went to bugis with kerin my super shopping buddy.

then salny the "new future" expert came.
then my

pt-gf came with si jie.

with her hair and nails.
haha

damage done today was thanks to
-manicure
-satin shoes
-2 jeans.
-2 dresses
-a vest
-a retro/mod shirt
and uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

stuff
weird anyways.

tired to death
n i miss my leepeng alrdy.......
:[
and alex.........and mark and the whole frigging world

shopping and walking and hospitaling

woke up super early 830am
thanks to the damn attachment regime tat is like fucking imprinted in my body clock :[

anyways i had a superfly breakfast w/ gu mah and bros n mom............
white noodles with charsiew.......n then with mushrooms ........n prawn in btw.
then congee.
n char siew bao.....
lotus leaf rice.
soya bean milk
n bread.
milo!

then had lunch at home....
then went out with lk and kerine

choose specs ....but din buy......
haha
but will buy soon

THEN WAS WINDOW SHOPPING
hahahahhahaha
omg k ordered black jeans for me online.
super happy
so DUN assume i din wash my jeans if u see me wearing black jeans on 2 consecutive days.
HMPH

then went to see dad........

i wish aunties wun give f-ed up comments then makes me wanna ripher skin off her back.

{the book that cindy borrowed is............very mind boggling.......

-On Personality "thinking in action" by Peter Goldie-

it touches on personality,characters and really makes you think abt morality from different angles and jabs you with views from Hume to Aristotle to Socrates to Nietzsche to god damn Immanuel Kant.

Aristotle's views are easily digestible but Kant's is like..........
a headache

anyway..........learnt an impt fact from the book.
one's personality traits are only good conditionally upon that person also having good character traits. However the converse isn't true.

gtg sleep...........school starts tml,shopping starts tml, attachment report starts tml,planning starts tml. u get the pic.......

bad day?

lost atm card

but!!!!!!!!
jae helped alot with one magic sms haha luv her la

hahahahahahahaha

lk helped too n he walked me home w/ my fav maid! siti!
haha

oh! n todae was my last day at attachment
happie !

n i bought a super dope singlet from revoltage guys section size M

hahaha perfect for tummy expanding buffets

jae n joyce gave comments on it.so in the end the nice "uncle/boy" salesman gave me 10% off cause he cannot find size s
haha
my tummy agrees that size m is gd :]

kerine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!totally will shop with her once my damn atm card is back in my arms

laws of cindy

every meal must have something super sweet at the end to complete the smile

every haircut should not look like a coconut inspired art piece

every bag should be big enough to store inhaler,wallet ,hp, candy and a packet of food

every friend should come with hugs

every bed time with Mr Cat

every break should end politely

every yummy doughnut should end up in my tummy.


lk came to meet me after i got off work.
ate yummy tomatoe bread cheese thingys at nydc
then went home :]


OT y must i OT?
n i din eat dinner with jae.
sorry :[
hope "W 1st S B***h" enjoyed her cherry.


no hugs for cin today :[[[[[[ totally unhappy

time to take out the trash

call this whining,complaining,bitching,etc

:] but this is not called MY blog for nothing.

to A
i love you lots
i've got your back covered
i love being here for you as a friend
you make me smile loads.
you r not evil
i've known you longer than most ppl in my life.
but
CINDY is not your fucking substitute


to B
its sweet that you think of adding to the other side
but it is not the fucked up back up option
you either are or are not
don't use it as an excuse to hide from them

to c
she may have some faults but she is not the only person who gave us an attitude when she was tired.
you were a major pain in the ass except no one could be damn bothered to tell u

to d
stop your fucked up baseless judging
try looking full of BOUNDLESS energy after spending late nights awake moving a body 1.5 times heavier than u and then listening to the person who took care of you all her life crying non stop while you panic, not knowing what to do

to e
glad you like her
glad you are trying to look for a job rather than complain.
but stop your emo shit
you've been repeating the same mistake since 123456709876543 years ago
and each time you say its different.

to f
stop pretending
it's time you wake up and stop placing pretty pink frames over my head.

to g
don't let him rip you off
this is already the second time a jerk did this to you.
get a stick and shove it up his ass

to salny,ling,mark,lp,ken,sj,alex,des,barb,eve,jo,ade
dp information networks is sucking my time,soul and life
miss u soooooooooo much
<3

before getting angry

before you get angry

think

1. the telephone works both way.u can always call the other party
2. everyone has their own lives to live.u at one point of time, was also not there for them
3. maybe they had a bad day
4. didn't that particular characteristic attract you to them in the 1st place
5. are you blaming your lousy week on them?
6. you are not a saint either.
7. ....by now u shud get the picture n think of more excuses of why you should not get angry with the people ard you.

if all else fails.

and you still feel pissed.

then

life is about living.and we only have one shot at it.so spend it happily.

pissed about those people?

then kick them out of your life. :]

work

today waS bad

gerard the smarty pants pissed jae n i off

n
main office ppl shud just burn
they KEEP losing the financials that i SCANNED and UPDATED

n i keep needing to search through the mountains of DAMN annual reports and financial statements.
thank god yiying put them into neat piles.

tml is so going to be a long day.

:[

n my new hair cut that kenji from hair profile gave is...........needing time tolook normal.
luckily jae was there during the cut.......although she kept laughing at the faces i gave when the girl suddenly gave me temp curls

luckily my hair is straight again

i miss that feeling again.
jae said her friend felt the same.
oh wells

one year din kill me n it passed super fast.so afew more years wun kill :]

p.s......................to jer-DUN BE A PIG, i was sooooooooo not trying to act chim or EMO who is the one who blasts MCR when he sleeps????????????????????

timeline

time does do alot to a person.

with time comes experiences

everyone comes with his/her own set of dna
character,personality=dna+experiences+upbringing

or at least that's what i think is the case.


again i am only ranting with no purpose in mind other than to pour out my thoughts before i forget them.

was reading a book on handwriting and how you an tell a person's personality through it.
it was a tedious book to read but.....
at least some of the contents made sense for my case.

that was when i pictured the diff periods in my life the diff experiences and the diff parts where i changed ideals/beliefs and characters to adapt to the change in vaules due to the change in environment.

i often think of regreting what i did in the past.but as soon as i can develop into the often heard of heart wrenching regret that i have often read in book and from friends, my brain takes a U-turn.call it denial and roll your eyes but seriously

i don't regret my past actions

i may feel bad.
but when i think of how i "should have" done the opposite..........i would obviously think of the change to the present life i have now or to the present feelings i own now. i then i think.would the change be a positive one?would it cause a chain reaction and alter my other decisions?decisions that i am certain that i had done correctly till today?

regret seems so useless and tiring.

living seems so fraught with challenges and obstacles looming like floating,glaringly bright sinister looking tombstones just metres ahead of the dark tunnel that i am walking in.
everyone says there is light at the end of the tunnel.well........the light sure looks shitty to me.

currently i'm keeping my head down trying not to step on anyone's life and other puddles of dark matter.i just want to keep my clothes clean and pretend the ground is clean from specks of reality.can't i just tread on the clean ground and protect myself while i try not to screw up and fall till i reach the end.

i am fully aware of my utter incompetence in terms of relationships(family,friends,exs,colleagues)
i always try and then fail to connect and then shortly i just walk away from the whole maddness of me ever trying.

is like a fucking maze game where you can keep trying to find the exit.or just press the "quit game-exit"button..most people ard me keep trying,they love the game of using time and patience dashing around trying and trying and trying to connect and find the damn exit of the maze of complicated information and clashing needs and wants of the other party just so that then can find the entry to that person's life.

i just enter the damn game expecting it to end in 5 minutes then run for a short while before getting frustrated and remain stagnant in the relationship for yet another shorter while before hesitating .......then i just punch the daylights of the exit button and sprint to get away from the damn maze.

currently i'm wearing blinkers and with cotton wool in my ears and no one with me.i'm dashing to the sound of my own tempo with no direction in mind.
so guess what.

maybe i'll hit a wall soon.hopefully it would not be as painful as the last one.because my heads been bleeding slowly but continueously from the god damned shock and intensity of it.another one of those knocks would really end it all.

work-death and memories

woke up
n i knew something was wrong when i heard someone crying

dai kao fu died.

we cld not see him for the last time.


then rushed to work
after dad n stuff.
the only way to get over things is to pretend that everything is fine.....
after an hour managed to do so


until gerard the smart boss
asked y i look so happy today.

almost cried infront of him when his words smacked me right in the face.
fuck him he knows my uncle died.

argh
then after work went to meet lian kai to pass him stuff........
jae was damn sweet she walked me to taka. n we spent............a damn long time to find the
"johns-gents-ladies"(inside joke)


lk n i choose his shoes n we went to haato atmy estate for icecream then..........he went off.....


was too tired to talk to him much.haha i feel abit bad.

hope he has fun picking girls up at zouk tonight.

yawns'