11 yrs, A Marriage of ups and downs.

Today is 30th Dec 2022! 6 months and 11 years since I wrote my last blog reflection. I shall make it a habit to reflect and write cos I live and love to think.... Today id like to share and remind myself of marriage....Keeping a marriage sound.... I would like to share this cos it makes me think about my own and where it stands... What worries me is why I had to look this up...my honest feelings about being in a marriage...I love my husband, I do love... and he does show in ways he is committed... But does it translate to true understanding or just head knowledge without application. I wont share details out of respect and privacy of my marriage, but I shall say this... I suppose, I need to be strong to stand up for myself and be clear of what is priority and how I want to and have to respect myself and my feelings and protect my son from the negative idea of marriage, or even protect my heart and sanity from my own husband IF need be. Should there be even white lies ...I shall stay strong and firm in not standing for any that could affect our marriage... I do not and will not want to be with a man who refuses to see the need to change since he made the decision to be married. Even though it does mean that we should accept each other for who we are.. but it also doesnt mean that we refuse to change for the better or give excuses to contibue behaving as a single unmarried person. Saying "You chose to marry me no? And you know what you were marrying when you said yes".... Yes! agreed, BUT... it was ALSO your choice to marry...means there has to be change from single behaviour TO married PRIORITIES which will lead to married appropriate behaviours. Do not for a second put it on me that I have to take all that excuses and white lies... just cos I married you... So should I too behave the same as you do? And if i did, would you be affected too? More so, if we had children together, will your priorities change only then? But being married means not choosing single behaviours...And a choice was so made to BE a STEP parent, so isnt this also ANOTHER CHOICE made to prioritise AND change for as well? Or is it all lip service and empty promises to speak sweet nothings w no commitment? Words that have no action and no value and with trust being lost for every empty promise.....its lonely... Committed words hold value. Words that dont follow through action are meaningless and worth nothing. It chips away at trust in the marriage and soon, it causes a disconnecf in the relationship and lead to ruining a marriage. It cannot be a one-sided marriage where one puts in 100% and the other lesser than 100% commitment to being married. If so, there will be someone else who may fill the lack % and cause more disconnection and distrust in the relationship. I will continue and keep praying for All knowledge and wisdom to guide us, be from God. Always, so I may stand firm, stay rooted and guided to do what is best, and the will of God. So.... 8 Things That Can Ruin a Marriage Even the strongest of marriages have their hiccups. Yet, the difference between a rock solid union and a fling lies in a few crucial relationship components. Here, Marni Feuerman, licensed marriage therapist in Boca Raton, Fla., and marriage expert for About.com, shares some of the most common marriage mistakes—and, how to avoid them. By Yelena Moroz Alpert January 13, 2016 1. Not putting each other first. Once you marry, make each other a priority. This doesn't mean sticking together like glue, however. Instead, think of your marriage and the rest of your obligations as a system of checks and balances. If you notice that all of your time is spent working or running after the kids, take time to rejigger a few things to make sure you actually spend time together that goes beyond crashing on the couch. Date night might sound cheesy, but it works. 2. Weak communication. It's important to say things that are bothering you as they come up; otherwise, you're brewing a recipe for resentment and fights that have you literally crying over spilled milk-except it's not about the dairy. Screaming matches or shutting down and refusing to talk are equally unhealthy ways to argue. Learn to talk about disappointments without blaming. 3. Keeping secrets. Make a point to talk about your day and worries, innocent as they may be. Perhaps you're self-conscious that you didn't get that promotion and now feel guilty because you self-medicated with retail therapy. Keeping mum about your shopping splurge is not healthy, as it can become habitual. Wouldn't you feel hurt if your partner told little white lies, too? Relationships are built on trust and if you can't own up to little things, it's going to be a lot harder to get the guts to tackle important conversations. 4. Poor boundaries with family or friends. Family and friends have a time and a place and should not invade your life. Think: a pushy MIL who unexpectedly shows up for dinner three times a week or another couple who loves to brunch every weekend. While both groups of people are important, if either of you feels a bit claustrophobic it's time to learn how to say "no" to zealous guests. What's more, minimize conversations about your private life outside the marriage. Tempting as it may be to vent, the listening party will probably make a bigger deal out of your rant-you don't want mom thinking that your hubby is neglectful just because he had a period of late nights at work. 5. Never apologizing or admitting that you are wrong. Love Story took the "Love means never having to say you're sorry" a bit too far. We're all adults here and if you do something wrong, or hurt feelings, you need to apologize. Sure, it's easier to make excuses for poor behavior, or worse, flip the situation and blame the other person, but you're not in kindergarten anymore. 6. Not showing gratitude. Say "thank you" for the things your spouse is doing, even if they are expected, ahem, chores. Gratitude goes a long way especially when one of you is stuck doing something annoying, like filling out tax forms. Even if your partner enjoys mowing the lawn, don't underestimate the power of showing appreciation for perfectly manicured grass. 7. Exerting jealousy. There is a big difference between asking about his day and grilling him about every moment he's not with you. When your husband mentions that a new account manager started at his firm, you should not follow up with, "Is she pretty?" We all have insecurities but consistently jealous behavior and manipulative comments create obvious wear-and-tear on your relationship. 8. Shirking professional help. Sometimes working through marriage problems on your own just doesn't work. But don't call it quits until you try resolving your issues with a licensed marriage therapist. These are highly trained professionals who have seen it all and can dole out advantageous advice as well as help you better see your partner's perspective. The sooner you get help, the better. Think of it as going to a dentist of marital health-a small cavity is easy to patch up, while a root canal is an entirely different story.

The best school to work in

The best principal anyone can have... So understanding, so caring, so helpful, so tactful...
I had to speak with my principal regarding my employment and current situation I have been facing over the months... She was there to listen to my predicament and I could feel so much love and concern for me...and i was really touched...
I informed her that I felt really irresponsible about how I felt the pst few months, with my inefficiency in my work and productivity... She probably was informed about my progress And so now could put a finger on why I was being so unproductive...
I asked for an early release for my contract this year...and it was fine... I'm glad I stuck to mid july and no later...I was happy for my decision but at the same time worried about money to finance baby and me in the long run...
My concern is finding a job during and after my delivery... I pray that God provides an open door in time to come...
For her to even have a thought that I still continue even during my preggers and not worry about the reality of people talk and the students and myself being the role model...and even preparing me of how we could tackle the issue of being asked or questioned about my preggers...it really shows how much she appreciates and thinks of me and my well being...
Also telling me to call her direct line if I need anything personal even if I'm not teaching...
Anyways, doors are still open after I deliver....so I am safe and assured... I'm so thankful that I made the decision to come and work for Pathlight school... I have no idea yet how I would like to repay her and their kindness towards me and my family for the past years... I pray that God gives and prompts my heart for the best gift to them to show how much I appreciate their love, support and time...
I love path light school.

Today...

This morning was emotional...I didn't have enough to sleep...maybe about 4 or so hours... I woken up early but not sure why a sudden burst of emotions filled my heart and eyes... I was feeling so sad...I got up and thought I'd do something for me today to just relax and be me. But I couldnt.. My emotions got to me..I cried in bed for a while... My bro boiled some hard boiled eggs for me.. Part of the emo was the love and thought my brother had to boil and shell it for me... I cried even more and asked why does this have to happen...I miss John... I asked why he did what he did... If he never did so, things wouldn't be so bad.. But I'm not too sure either... I can't trust, it's so hard to trust...
Last night, I called htc service centre for some help... It was a china national over the other end trying to help me.. I was being a difficult person but making my stand for my unhappiness for the phone issue.. I understood that she was doing her best,.. But the thought that she was a CNational, well, I got even more bitter about it... I was pretty argumentative about it...such a shallow and not so goods thing to do, but well, from the experience that I have gone through the past year and trust issues due to both insecurities...I also believe that he had to reassure me of his intention to be faithful to me...he did, but it proved wrong when things turned on him... Made my worst fears and feelings even more true and trust him much less....
Anyone in a serious relationship to marry, wouldn't do such a thing...isn't that crazy?? Isn't that playing on thin ice? How much did I really mean to him? Even till then trying to protect himself even when he knew he did wrong...who in the right mind would do that to the one you love??
My question is how much do you really want this? Want me? Are you willing to stay true to me? And all the vows in a marriage??

Lies.

Lies, they eat you up slowly, like rotting log.
It leaves you hollow, and weakly empty.
They creep back into your life, like wreaths on a twine,
And soon in time, too much creeps will start to blind.
Like a disease, in time it suffocates,
Only bad it will result, and a sorrowful end.

A baby's love...or two...

Today felt so empty throughout the day... I'm not sure if it's the hormonal changes I'm going through or is it my broken heart healing...
The past week has been so numb for me...what am I to do but hide my feelings with a mask so familiar to me since 10 years ago.... Never thought I'd come to use it again...I guess I never really threw it away, and tucked it under the carpet arms length away...
This baby loves you..so does the innocent baby who's life is on the way to light...your flesh and blood...
Why did it have to come to this?? In all honesty, I ask God the same question over and over again... Two ways it goes... Either to test our love for each other through tough times... Or a sign for me to see if I'm blinded by my own will and desires that I thought were good for me, but it signs the opposite...but in life, there's usually not only two ways... A third maybe, to love myself more, to respect myself more...to not be afraid to be who I am, to speak from heart and not be afraid that I'll be judged, and even if I'm judged, i stand firm to the values of life and in time, others will see the values of life I so firmly believe...not crumble and be afraid...and not to please just because....

I went for a really expensive therapy session of releasing... Everyone needs it... I need more of it, but I can't afford a second...I need to prioritize my finances at this point cos of the life to come...
Just wanted to share a little some thing....
I was asked why and how did I put up with such pain, "torment" of disrespect and the things I went through.. I was silent for a while...I couldn't find an answer....then, though I didn't say...in my heart was because I love. It was God's love that pulled me through to keep going...
Could I have taken more? Logically, no. So I left. It was the last straw when it hit me, and how it hit me literally...the one that claims to love and mean so much, hit me...logically should I stand for that? No. I wouldn't...it could happen again... I can't trust because of what u did... Since you broke it, you fix it and make it better and not throw it back at me!! That what I can't understand and what u are blinded to.. Your own consequences of your own actions...instead you put the consequences you are to face upon others and u believe it's your right.... That's insane, crazy, unreasonable, irresponsible, cowardice and heartless for you to do that... Knowing that I'm in the state I am in just cos of your doing... If you were in my shoes, u will feel trapped and victimized for the right that was done... It doesn't make sense at all...
And all I can do is hurt so much more, needing to protect my heart time and time again...I give it all and it comes back battered and bruised... Needing Gods healing and time... And you don't even bother to be responsible in healing it... How can this go on?? If I let it continue, I am not helping you...instead I am indirectly encouraging you....I'm scared to love you...and I can't do this anymore...
I love you and believe in you... And maybe it's time I really let go...let God take care of you instead, because I can't...I can't cos I'm human...i can't love you cos I am hurting so much... Letting you go isn't loving you less, it's loving you more... We love you daddy... If u want to stay around or if you want us around, then commit to change in your ways...
All I can say is I do love you.....i miss you...

i'm walking away...

I walked away too many a times...
But the Many a times, had me walking back...
What's is wrong? I can't understand!!!
It frustrates me to core, knowing nothing more!
But answers said, its right infront of me!
Why can't i understand it? Why can't i see?
What's wrong with you, why can't it just be.
To accept the uncontrolled changes and be happy free.

You want the standard? You expect the best,
Nothing wrong with that, but you scare off the rest.
Do it with love and encouragement,
Just knowing that i'd be loved even if i don't do well.
Would help us alot.

Why do u get angry? Why get upset?
Why can't you assure me, that it's ok.
In stead you get upset no matter what the ways...
I'm tired of it, i dont want to be dead.
I am afraid that i'd grow tired, and lay in my death bed,
Without ever knowing if i ever made you happy,
Knowing that the last thing i did made you upset.

It's not all me, you're part of it too,
But you dont seem to see it, so i get the pointed finger,
And your angry stare, who would love you? Would i dare?
Sadly or softly, i walk back, back into the matter...
Thinking to myself, my mind begins to chatter.
.....It all starts again...My mind chatters too much!!!!!!

Pls relief me of my mindless chatter!!

Love Me When I Deserve it Least

LOVE ME WHEN I DESERVE IT LEAST

Like a child who's strayed too far
And lost sight of home for too long
(I) always thought you'd be there when I turned around
Never thought I'd turn and you'd be gone

Hold me when I seem far away
It's the time I need you close
Love me when I deserve it least
It's the time I need it most
It's the time I need you most

Like the problems caused when a dream turns out wrong
And the outcome you want goes astray
I never meant to hurt you or to make you cry
Never dreamed you'd want to go away

I remember that smile when you're happy
Your weakness when you're fragile and sad
The touch of your hand when I need your support
Is there a way back to the good times we had?

And now we've finally come to this
I see some things clearer now
I never told you just how much I loved you
I just never seemed to say it right somehow

Just sharing what i found... Written by NICK.

Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.” – Swedish Proverb

Blast it!!!!!

I try, i try, sometimes i wanna fly,
Beyond the earth, beyond the matter.
Floating with no care, through the weightless air.
Breathing in heaps, to take those leaps,
Dispersing the turmoils, releasing anguish coils.
It feels weirdly numb, but weighs a tonne!
Who are you to judge? Beware! reverse is the nudge,
For life is a lesson, confess the session.
For hearts will be set free, not a captive to be.

Reenie.S
23 Nov 2010
8:58pm

Negativity

Why am i negative? How did i get so negative?

- I fear, start fearing that im not good enough.

How did this fear start?

When did this fear start?

Im so sad...what is your will for me Lord? Please, i beg you to show me the way...

In the midst of finding myself....

Its time again to do some soul searching...Sometimes some people come along in my life and stir it up.. im not sure if they are stirring it up cos they have been running their life in a 'wrong' or different manner of values...or am i the one who has got the 'wrong' or different values...

Sometimes i dont even know what to think of how my life has been for the past year and months and the months to come...

The past 11 months with my love has been a roller coaster ride...in the beginning, it was all good.. until the 4th month or so...or until we decided to be engaged... somehow or rather things changed...i guess we were moving too fast for us to catch up with ourselves...what happened? What was the cause of it?

He needs assurance that i will be there for him in the lowest of the lows, especially financially.

I need assurance that he will be there for me in my lowest times. I need to know that he will always be there for me no matter what.

I need an avenue where i can be free, free to be me...
My mind is so tired...tired of keeping up....
Should I be with someonw who says, I've got to catch up...or someone who will walk beside me...I want someone who will walk beside me. To walk this road together...if you walk behind, good, you can catch me when i fall, but may not see where im going. if you walk infront of me, you will lead me, but when you move on faster than i do, you leave me behind...is that was love does?

I'm trying to walk beside you, so that we can catch each other when we fall, and guide each other along when we lead. Isnt this the way to go? If you think leaving me behind to catch up and think you're ahead, what good does that do for us? what are you trying to prove?

What are you trying to prove for doing what you do? to show that you are higher than i am? what good does that do for us? for you? for me?
For you,i can readily say its for your ego, ur achievement. For me, it could be a goal to strive for or demoralised achievement.

i want someone i can smile and laugh with, to joke with, to be best friends with, who would love me the way i am. To grow with me. To be there for me. To cry with me.

It's all about me isnt it?
Who am i? Who is shereen simon? Who is she? What is she made of? Where is she going?

I feel you choose a life partner only based on what i can do for you. What kind of mother i will be. I dont feel that you choose one based on how you feel.

How to be happy and make your hubby happy...Vice versa

Paying Attention to Hubby
Women talk about and express their feelings more than do men, but remember that men have feelings too. A man can go through a range of emotions from the start of the day to the end of a day. It is vital that a wife pays attention to her husband’s feelings and is sensitive to them. When there is an issue that needs to be discussed involving feelings, sit down and discuss it together.

Never discount the importance of physical closeness during these moments. There is no substitute for a kiss or a hug that communicates the message: I am in your corner.

Criticism and nagging does not make for a happy husband. It is not always easy to hold your tongue but learn to separate the small issues from the larger ones and let petty things go.

So maybe he never fills up the windshield washer fluid in the car when it is running low or he always leaves the newspaper open on the dining room table. These are not major problems. Refrain from nagging. In fact nagging often causes the action to get worse, not better. Keep in mind that you may do things that bother him too. Consider yourselves even in that regard and move on.

A happy husband is a man who knows his wife is proud of him. He knows this because his wife makes it a practice to tell him all of the time. But she knows not to go overboard and make the gesture seem phoney. A simple, “Wow you are amazing!” can make a man glow with pride.

The wife who knows how to make her husband happy also knows that public acknowledgment is also important. She praises him when she is amongst family and friends and makes sure he knows it. A happy husband likes to have his ego stroked as often as possible.

Happy Sex Life, Happy Husband
To keep your husband happy and keep the zest and zing in your marriage, realize that sex is extremely important to men. Make sex a top priority and your hubby will be smiling from sun up to sun down.

This is an area where men and women often differ. Men need the rush of physical intimacy to feel emotionally connected to their wives.

A happy husband is one who is getting his needs met in the bedroom and who knows that he is satisfying his wife as well. For men sex is high on the list of priorities, and is analogous to the need for food.

It is not always easy for a wife to understand how her sex drive differs from her husband’s. She must make a concentrated effort to get inside his head and figure out where he is coming from in this regard.

Develop a flair for the unexpected and send surprises his way whenever you can. Send the kids to spend a night at their grandparent’s house and cook a special meal for him, but don’t tell him about it beforehand. Make it your secret surprise. Add some candles, wine and a little French maid’s outfit as you meet him at the front door. What husband would not welcome that kind of homecoming?

Leave him a note under his pillow, next to the coffee maker or on the seat of his car telling him how much you love and appreciate him. Forego using a pen and instead think outside the box—use your favorite lipstick! If he carries a briefcase to work, stuff a little note inside with your lipstick print and spritz your favorite perfume on it. He will be so focussed on how happy a husband you make him that he will have a difficult time concentrating at the board meeting.

Surprise your husband with his favorite treat such as cupcakes with cream cheese frosting or brownies when he least expects it; this sends the message that you are in tune with what he likes.

Men appreciate being the focal point and love it when their wives know them well enough to care about the little touches that add specialness and “frosting” to life. A small gift from time to time just to show him how much you love and value him is always welcome. You are getting the point across that “I love you and our love is strong.”

Love Language
Show respect for your husband. Pay attention to the words you use when you speak to him and the intonation of the words. Perhaps you meant to say something pleasant but it came out in a sarcastic manner. Men are as attuned to the nuances of speech as women, so be aware of how you say things and be sure to apologize if you are in the wrong.

Likewise, be sure to let him know when he has offended you in a tactful way and build strong, open lines of communication.

Communication between the sexes is not always easy but bear in mind that women and men are more similar than different when it comes to how they feel. While they may communicate in dissimilar ways, it is vital to make an effort to find a happy medium and to work from there. Make sure you are both clear on what the other person is saying before you move on in the conversation. This is a key point when it comes to making joint decisions as a couple.

A happy husband is made happier when he does not feel as though he blends into the woodwork or is a fixture in the home.

Do what you can to show him that he is not an obligation to you, a routine or a pattern but that he is the love of your life, your life partner and that he matters, today, tomorrow and always. Use your special powers as a wife to make your husband shine. Bask in the love you share together. Laugh together, cry together and never stop doing funny, silly or outrageous things together. Learn his love language at FiveLoveLanguages.com and use it whenever possible. All marriages need spice so heat it up the way the two of you do best!

Together time is important but so is alone time. Give your husband his space when he needs it. When he goes out to the workshop to tinker around, don’t follow him in there but leave him be. Wives need time to do their own woman things and husbands need the same consideration. When he wants to have a night out with the guys, don’t let insecurity get the best of you. Encourage him to do so. If he comes home a little tipsy, do not reprimand him like a child but be thankful that he had the sense to call a cab!

Where there is a happy husband there is to be found a happy wife. A couple that are happy together are able to transmit love back and forth, creating a ripple effect to other members of the family. Happiness cannot be seen but it can certainly be felt and it can lead to a future that is rich in love and joy. Ask your husband if he is happy and the answer you receive could lead to a greater strengthening of your bond. Value the merits of happiness and let it guide the love you have for one another.

Are We Meant To Be?
Take our Are We meant-to-be quiz and get closer along the way!
http://www.lifescript.com/Life/Relationships/Marriage/How_To_Make_Your_Husband_Happy.aspx?page=3

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