alone.. alone.. alone..

tomorrow is my birthday... 

but it will just same as other normal days..... nothing special... the only different which is i feel more lonely compare to those normal days...

people promise to celebrate with on tonight.. tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... but all cancelled already... again.. i will celebrate mh birthdag alone... last few year i boughy myself a cake and then i will treated my housemates to eat the cake... but it wont happen anore... cause we already graduated from Utar... 

i looked inside to the cake's shop... i was thinking should i buy a cake for myself? i don know... cauae i m sure i cant finish the cake... no refregerator in the house... haiz... okay then.. no need to buy... save money.. haha...

i am crying while writing this passage... i hate this year birthday... hope it will pass in a split of second... T.T

2012 10 things/ wishes

It's already 10th of August~ 8 more days, then it will be my birthday~

I should feel excited on this day right? but i just can't.. Many things happened in this year~ and i learnt many lessons from these incidents. Again, i put all the sadness in my heart, I choose not to share with anyone as I feel like is not really good to disclose all my personal problems or information to others. It 's not i do not have any close friends or good friends. I do have. It just everyone has his own life, i should not disturb other's people life so often.

2012 10 wishes~
Ermm.. how many wishes/achievements was being achieve?

1. I wish to get at least second upper for my actuarial science degree. Yes i did it~ Amazingly~ surprisingly~ haha~ i really did it~ from 2.0 to more than 3.0 +... i knew i can do it~ really thank you to those who keep on supporting, teaching, motivating and encouraging me~ thank you to all of you.

2. Weights reduced. Ya my diet plan quite successful. Last year December my weights is 110Kg +.. 8 months of diet i had reduced my weights from 110Kg+ to 84 Kg.. i believe i can get less than 80Kg before next year Chinese New Year. Thank you to B.Yang. Really appreciate it. Thank for reminding me that i need to diet. ^_^

3. Met up with Mr.D......... Mission completed haha... Finally i met you.. You are a nice person and a gentleman person. Thank you for accompanying me in the trip. thank you~

4. Having trips with a gang of friends. Yup i did it also. With a gang of friends. Melaka and Muar~ a nice trip and tired trip haha...

5. Postgraduate study~ Erm... still waiting for offer letter~ so no comments.. keke...

6. Birthday celebration with my lover... since no lover i guess I need to make it become my next year wish again. Sigh.

7. Birthday cake~I wish i do not need to buy myself a cake AGAIN.. sounds so cham~ T__T

8. Diablo 3~ finish~ haha~ xD

9. Rejected by someone---- so fail also~ forget about this xD

10. kept it for secret ^___^

Erm... suddenly feel like want to sing in karaoke room~ okay la~ stop here.. have a nice and wonderful night. Enjoy the night~ and happy weekends ^_^

My feeling on you

I am suffering food poisoning from this Tuesday until now....  I really cant take any propereals cause once i took it i will just.vomitted it out or shitted it out... haha... i only can take raisin bread and a cup.of milo... until my stomach fully recover ya... sigh...

I asked the person ady... and i knew the story ady.. roughly.. i am the substituition for that your ex.. haha... i pretend i m.fine and don care about when i heard it.. but my heart was bleeding at that particular moment.. how many years ady.. i don know ady.. 

u r the one who came approached me.. and u asked me whether can be ur boy friend or not... haha... and i said yes... and u did tell me the history between u and ur ex.. so i though u ady end the relationship with him ady... so i acceptrd it.. and we called each other... talked to each other.. web cam.. although i never met you before.. but i was happy wit it..... and one day... u lost ur phone in exam hall... i cant contact you at all... facebook no on... skype no on... you were disappear at that moment.. what should i do? I really gpt no.ideas.. so i wait and wait.. and finally u send a "hello" to me after few weeks... u told me you went to singapore and your phone were stolen by someone... okay.. i accepted it... but why you disappear again.. why again... 

i am a strong person.. but i cant be strong all the times... i cant be optimiatics all the times... i will cry also.. i will emo also... why don just u told me you were attached with your ex again... is not tat hard right.. and it really toke me more than half year times to receover to calm down my feeling.. and you appeared in.my life again... and y still wan to care about me.. haiz... i don know wat you want... i m confused... 

recently the feeling towards you become stronger ady... and i knew it... and i decided to meet you.. i was so excited to meet you... haha... just one hour before.o went to your place.. someone told.me you actually got bf..at first i don really believed it.. but when tat guy told.me.that u took photo with him before... then.only i realized... ya... is true.. you have bf... thete exist a guy who is your bf... and i was feeling upset... i sat on the bed.and i started to cry... and you din even message me.. i seriously disappointed wit you ady... i don know what to do ady... 

Dont expect too much from.people... don expect people will treat u nicely as what u did to them... this is the statement that always told by one of my close friend... ya.. i was the one who thought too much.... i choose not to angry.. and is pointless to angry ady... just appreciate what i had now... you are a.nice guy.. i believe.. if not you won choose ur ex again... it shows how much you love him... 

Ya.. i know i still like you.. but i won do anything la... just accompany most of the time...  ya... i am so stupid one... haha.. tis is me!!! sigh... feel cold n pain again... hope it will recover soon la... night everyone ^___^

Time to say goodbye

Times to say goodbye~ to who?

To the person i like the most? Nope~ is to my past memories~

I stuck inside the past memories for few  months already. So its times to let it go already~ I miss you all~ no matter how~ all of you are the best friends,  and always on my mind 

I din angry~ Seriously~ i just suddenly woke up from my perfect dream~ you pull me out from the dream~ thank you~ at least now i can choose to forget the things~ and focus on my own studied and carrier. 

复杂的心情，和生活

不懂今天是怎么了，觉得好空虚哦。

每个人都有各自的生活，自己的事情忙着。和他们比较起来，总觉得自己好没用哦。虽然说是在等着10月的硕士开课，但我究竟能在这两个月作些什么呢？我不知道，我觉得自己有点在虚度光阴。

也许很多人都羡慕我能继续读下去，但是，真的这样读下去，好吗？我真的不懂了。一味的读下去，真的会对未来的我好吗？

three guys in my life

There are three guys that appear in my life and they will always in my mind no matter what happen. I like them so much... they make my life become more colorful.. 

First person, his birthday is 212

He is a quiet person.. he don like to talk much... but he like to listen to me... cause i am a hypertalkactive person.. hehe.. he like to play badminton.. hang out with his friends.. sing k.. and he very care about me.. he will came down all the way from cheras to my place just to accompany me... and having dinner with me... so everytime i kena bully he will just touch my head and sayang me... ^_^ but we din attached... sad sad xD

second person, his birthday is 313

Ermm.. he is a nice and caring person... he is smaller than me in size n also age xD... he is my junior in utar.. he is the first guy i woo in my life... hehe... but ended up i kena reject... T.T sad sad... but we are very close friends.. he is the first guy that lend his shoulder n his chest to me to cry... xD.. and he helped me to overcome many problems by giving me motivation and encouragement... 

p.s. both also lengzai.. one muscular one slim... ^_^

third person- 818

well is me.... muahaha... the end xD

And now i meet another guy... his birthday is 414... i wonder why ya... the guys i like sure has birthday like 111 212 313 414 515 616 717 818 919.... and all sure become close friends one... cant attached geh... damn... Nvm.. lets c wat will going to happen between me and 414... hehe...

内心的世界（I）

每个人都说我很厉害，考试对我来说根本不是一个问题，但是其实我也是很害怕考试的，我会一直努力的去读，就到进考场前我都会很紧张，只是我装作不紧张而已~嘴巴上老是说很简单，但是其实还是有难度的，也需要时间去消化，理解，东西才会变得简单。老是和别人说简单是因为不想给无谓的压力给别人。但却换来的是 ：“对你来说什么都很容易的啦，你那么厉害。”其实我也是下了一番功夫，它才会变的容易的。算了，也不用多说什么啦。所以现在我都换成还好，不会太难~因为不想再被人说了~

其实我觉得coursework不够高，在最终考试加把劲就能了，我也是经历过很多类似的情况，coursework 不是非常好，但是在最终考试努力的去读，最后还是能考到非常好的成绩出来~呵呵，所以大家不要放弃，加油~一定能在最终考试考到理想的成绩的~虽然没什么人看到我的post但是还是要在这里祝福大家，愿你们考试顺利，不要再这个星期生病哦~ ^_^

好了~又要继续读书了~加油加油~

教训

今天所学到的教训：对别人仁慈，就是对自己残忍。

其实我还真是笨，做人本来就应该只有一个宗旨，人不为己，天诛地灭。何必那么在乎其他人状况，或是感受呢~关心他们？换来的只是冷言冷语，或者是老早就被人遗忘了。反正对方也不会感激自己，也不会珍惜自己，所以呢~不用再那么蠢了~你走你的阳关道,我走我的独木桥，各走各的~


心情明明那么的好，却被人给搞砸了~纳闷啊~我还是在自己的小圈子里好了~不要介入太大的圈子好了～就当自己有人群恐惧症吧，不应该认识太多人~


发泄完，继续看书~

我的心依然是那么的平静

呵呵，不管是知道了什么，听到了什么，我的心依然是那么的平静~

真的非常谢谢那一次的崩溃~再也没有伤心的感觉了，是麻木了吗？还是我真的放下了~随便吧

开始新的旅程吧~^_^

Shingles that stop me for workout ~ 1 month ==

First Gym Log

Aiduh~ Don know how many days i didnt perform workout ady la~ Since i m suffering from shingles until now~ i didn't exercise ady~ ARGH~ someone said i fat ady~ sad sad~ SOB~ SOB~

Today Gym Log:

Dumbbell~ 90 times

Sit up 30 times~

A whole new gym journey for me AGAIN~ haha~ so cant really do much ~ if not hand tired~ will add the number of sets and number of times gradually ~ XD~ Rest rest~ Huhu~ ^_^

What should i do now

I really don know what should i do now?

Should i continue my master in mathematical science in Utar or not?

Haiz~ I really don know a~ Haiz~ sienz a~ :(

If i want to do master~ which 1 i should choose? fully courseworks? thesis? research? Don know a T_______T

一张令我想起被隐藏在心里的回忆

忙碌的一个星期

这个星期真是忙啊，连睡觉时间都不是很足够~

每天都要做assignment，要不然就是准备测验~

哎~有完没完啊~但是都最后一个学期，过完这个学期，我就毕业了，三年的时间，精算学，就这样结束了~感觉上好像有点快，哈哈~

每个人都说求学时期，是最高兴的，可以和朋友看戏，逛街，吃美食~

想想下，算算下，我到底去过几次戏院啊？逛过几次街呢？我都不好意思说出来了~ XD 一个手都能数完~哈哈

吃完早餐，我又要继续读书了，哎~大家加油吧^_^

2012 3月29日 的事件

昨天是我人生其中一个转折点，晚上七点多发生了一件令我了解到我自己最真实的自己。

昨天我和我的朋友兴致勃勃的要出去吃晚餐，吃麦当劳，呵呵~然后就乘搭电梯从12楼到底楼。当电梯下到11楼的时候，电梯门开了，只看见一个小孩牵着一只小狗在等电梯。奇怪的事，那个小孩不要进电梯，然后我们就继续我们电梯的旅程。当电梯的门一关上，电梯就失灵了，我们被困在电梯里面。

一开始的时候，我门还是有说有笑的，就安慰自己，很快就好了，但是时间慢慢的过了，气氛变得越来越紧张，按电梯的铃声，外面却没有人来救我们。电梯里面也没有网络，联络不到外面的人。空气也变得越来越稀薄，我们大家都变得比较静了。突然间电梯摇晃一下，然后电梯就掉落了，从11楼掉到第2楼，然后最后回复了，在第二楼的时候，电梯正常的操作了，安全的把我们载送到底楼。我们从电梯出来，大家都很庆幸没有发生任何事情，都打电话报平安。

我真的被吓坏了，脚软。虽然说身体没有任何的表面伤害，但受伤害的却是自己的内心。在这整个被困在和掉落的电梯里面，我的脑海只是想着一个人，我信息他我现在的情况，他一直安慰我(微弱的讯号)，叫我不要怕。当电梯开始掉落时，我一直幻想自己再也没有机会见到他了，而最后一次见面却是在昨天早上乘搭的学校巴士，他坐在我的旁边，看着流眼泪的我。我们却没有一句正常的交谈。如果我真的因为这样而离开了这个世界，我真的会很后悔，后悔为什么不要好好珍惜与他那一趟短短的巴士旅程。我知道我的心里是喜欢他的，是真的爱他了。而我也知道，我们不会在一起的，我想我不会在向他透露任何自己心声的话了，我会把自己的心声都写在这里，不会再让他担心自己，他会有自己新的生活，我也即将离开setapak了，不会再有机会陪他，和见面了。我只好将这份情谊默默的收藏在自己内心的深处吧。

最后还有一个我一直想不开的问题。在我们还没被困在电梯的时候，不是有一个小孩吗？为什么这个小孩不进电梯呢？难道他看到电梯里面有一些东西？还是他能感觉到会有不好的事情发生所以才不进电梯？我真的不知道。也许我不应该再想东想西的，让这件事成为回忆的其中一部分吧。

决定

谢谢你，我想我已经能够再一次的恢复以前的我了，躲在房间里，专心读书，专心段练身材，远离人群，做回我以前的独居老人~

我累了

已经是4.12am了，我还没睡。

我也不懂怎么了，我就是睡不着。

对着功课发呆，想着有些没的，其实我真的累了，但是我却不感觉到想睡觉的感觉。

你失约了，我在家傻傻的等，等到的却是音信全无。我想我是时候放下了。真的很累了。

我还是继续专注在学业上吧。但是并不代表我不会关心你，直到你找到新的爱人，我就会全身而退了。

2月13号，情人节的前夕。我相信这也只是很普通的一天。好了，继续看书。^__^

Progress

I need to finish

Chapter 1 for life contingencies and also 4 lessons for MLC.

Chapter 1-4 for Prob and Stat 1 including tutorial questions.

Chapter 1-5 for Financial Economics 1 including FM questions.

1 essay writing.

And 2 chapter for Business Finance and tutorials.

by end of this week.

Gambateh~~!!!

Life

When you face a problem, its good for you to take a break, and then find out the best solution to solve the problem. I believe that there are more than one way of solution to solve every problems that we faced in our daily life.

Its just like a simple mathematics question:

How are you going to get the answer 2 from an mathematical equation.

Answer:

1 + 1 = 2

2 * 1 = 2

ln (e^2) = 2

.

.

.

.

.

We can get the answer from just a simple mathematical equation , 1 + 1, or you can use logarithm equation to get answer 2 also. So , please think before you make a decision, it might not be the best decision/solution to the problem in your life. Think for a while, maybe you can get the best solution to solve the problem.

2012 10个新希望

2012 10个新希望

1. 
   
2. 
   
3. 
   
4. 
   
5. 
   
6. 
   
7. 
   
8. 
   
9. 
   
10. 
    

想知道的就请和我说。（只限一个） ^_^

2012 我的归来

很久没在打blog了。

最后一次是在2011年的五月吧。

很快的时间又过了半年，很多事情发生了。

我也很成功的在一个学期考到我自己想要的成绩，gpa=3.8 ， 2个A，4个A-。

而现在也是最后一个学期了，我会更加的继续努力，以便能考取更好的成绩，完成我2012其中一个新希望。 ^__^

在去年里，我也已经去了实习。认识到很多新的朋友，看到很多新事物，也学习到新的知识。

虽然只是短短的三个月，但是却让我获益不浅，酸甜苦辣，样样都有。呵呵

也在去年年尾，我认识了某人。他把我的心扉给重新打开来，和他在一起真的非常的高兴。最后还是被人拒绝了。非常的心痛，和伤心但同时间也很高兴认识到他，矛盾吧？我自己都觉得非常的矛盾。为何会有这种矛盾的心情呢？我也不懂。很多人都叫我放弃他，但是我没有。只是我不会再一次的对他说我喜欢你，我只会静静的守护着他，直到他有新的爱人。也许你们会觉得我很傻吧，但是这就是现在的我。

有时候我会在想如果给多我一次机会，我还会表白吗？我想我还是会吧。东西是要自己去争取的，而不是等老天爷安排给你的。

为什么会在继续这个部落格呢，可能是因为我不知道应该和谁倾谈心事吧，也可能是为了准备当他有爱人时，就不会在找她倾诉心声吧，也对的，是时候学习对部落格发泄自己的情绪，写写自己的心事，不要把事情收藏在心里。反正也没几个人知道这个部落格，知道这个部落格也不会去看的。随便吧^_^

好了，今天就说到这里吧，是时候看书了，为了自己的未来，努力奋斗，加油加油.^^