Living with Fatigue cont..

Last night was sleep study number 2 and let me tell ya, these things don't get any more pleasant. My nurse was really great though. Super friendly and she explained everything in great detail which I liked. She went over my last test to help explain what's going on when I sleep. I have two different kinds of sleep apnea and it's at a moderate level. Not the worst they've seen, by far, but definitely enough to keep me from getting any rest. One is obstructive where my airway is blocked for some reason and air can't get through. The other is central meaning my central nervous system decides to stop telling my body to breathe. yikes. A little more than half of my "apneas" were central during the last test. Apparently I stop breathing something like 20 times an hour on average. The longest I stopped breathing was 30 seconds at a time. The other fun fact was that when I stopped breathing my heart rate got up to 178 bpm. The nurse stressed how important it is for me to get this sorted out because with my heart working extra hard every night I could develop heart disease.

So the idea behind this second test was to try out a mask and see if the CPAP helps. With the obstructive apnea they're usually able to use the continuous air pressure to keep the airway open. They just have to find a level of pressure that works, program a machine, and you're good to go. She said that the central is where it gets tricky. Until they try it out, there's no telling what kind of help the mask will be. I did learn that there are actually three different kinds of masks. The CPAP is the continuous positive air pressure. I don't remember what the other two are called, but one of them has two different levels of pressure. One for when you're inhaling and a lower pressure when you're exhaling. The third kind is super smart (which to me says super expensive) and can actually tell what type of apnea you're having then adjust itself to do whatever you need right then. Who knew? 

She couldn't tell me much in the morning since the doctor still has to review the test, but she said she thought I did better on the mask and that my apnea was tricky. She had to do a lot of adjusting and just when she thought I was at a good level I would apnea again. I have a couple of weeks before I can expect that test to be at my doctor's so until then, there's no telling what the plan will be.

Now for the experience. Ugh. They put a ton of things hooked up to wires all over your head and on your chest and back and face and legs. They use this horrible gluey goop in your hair that does not come off unless you put your head under super hot water for like 20 minutes. But that's not the worst part. The first test they had what looked like an oxygen nasal tube up the nose AND a little wire thing up the nose. So I felt like I couldn't breathe the whole time. This go round they put on the mask that had "pillows" that plug into your nose to push the air up into it. If you open your mouth the air comes right on out. It's the strangest sensation and I had a hard time talking when she asked me a question. Then throughout the night they would adjust my levels of air pressure. When I would stop breathing it would fill my mouth with air and I'd wake up spitting out air. It's hard to describe. I also had a hard time breathing out when she turned it up higher so I felt almost like I was suffocating on too much air. Again, hard to describe, really strange, and hard to envision getting used to it enough to actually sleep every night.



Pre-mask
Jeff said I look like a robot and I'm inclined to agree



I definitely didn't wake up rested. In fact, I went home, got the goop out of my hair and went back to sleep for another 5 hours or so. I really hope this is the last time I have to do this. I can't see how this gives all that accurate of a reading considering I can't sleep the whole night. But modern medicine has come a long way and it must be accurate enough.

Despite the testing, I've still been trying to do those tips to help with the fatigue. The one I've done the worst on is the waking up the same time every day. I definitely need to work on that. I have done a little more exercising though. I started doing a little 20 minute yoga video every couple of days. Do You Yoga has a 30 day challenge on You Tube and I've loved it so far. It's enough to get me stretching but not so intense that I want to die. Just great for beginners. I've also tried to ride a bike or a horse or something a couple of times a week. My next goal is to take a short jog with my dog. Hey that rhymes! She's doing well running beside the bike with Jeff so I think she'll do well jogging. In fact, earlier this week Jeff took one of the horses out so I tagged along with the dog and ran around the park a little with her. She did well so I'm hopeful this will make me want to exercise a little more. I figure the exercise is good on a couple of levels. Not only should it help a little with my energy level but it will also get my heart in better shape to deal with the apnea. It's just my own theory but it makes sense to me.

I've also been working on doing a little bit of housework every day. I've tried not to get too crazy when I feel good so I don't hit the wall of sleepy too hard, but to still get something accomplished whether I feel good or bad. I have a long way to go to get my place looking like a human being lives there but I feel a lot better about myself when I do even just that little bit. I've also been going on a 15 minute walk during my lunch break once a week or so. It's quite refreshing for the mind and gets the blood flowing.

I haven't really noticed a change in my energy level yet but I know I need to take the small victories and not expect too much too fast. To be continued...

Living with Fatigue

Confession time. I'm coming to the realization that I'm tired. No, not tired. Exhausted. And I'm sick of it.


Dogxausted!

In recent years I've made some connections to my health history and I've started to realize there is more to this thing than meets the eye. Any given day of the week, if you ask how I'm doing, I'm apt to respond "Tired, but good otherwise". When I try to explain how it feels, it all comes out sounding so dramatic. The best way to explain it is to compare it to those nights when you've had the busiest day ever and there you are at 2 in the morning just dead on your feet. I feel that way multiple times per day. It's hard to focus on anything productive because I just keep thinking..if only I could lay down for an hour. If I do lay down though, it's never just for an hour. I'm dead to the world for 2-3 hours at least. I'm sure you get the idea. Thinking back, I can't recall a time I didn't feel this way. I'm talking at least through high school but maybe even farther back.

Again, I'm sick of it. SICK of it. School, work, time with friends, relationships, family..it has affected all of it. And I'm worried about it. It feels like it's getting worse the older I get. I don't even have kids yet and the idea of having an infant freaks me out. Just to be honest. Infants require attention and everyone says how little sleep you get. Less sleep? Yikes! I rely on caffeine to keep me going and not only do I get withdrawal symptoms if I miss a day, but I also can't function. I'm not saying I'm grumpy, I'm saying I can't convince myself to move. It's miserable.

I'm not just writing this post to complain though. Promise. I'm writing because I feel like I can not be alone in this. I don't think anyone off the street would know how serious this issue is. You can't see it from the outside but it's life altering. And did I mention I'm sick of it? So I'm taking some steps.

First, I've done a sleep study. Sleep studies are lame. Helpful, but lame because you just don't sleep the same. I felt like I woke up every 20 seconds. The little leads they put behind my ears dug into my head and hurt. Add to that the 2 things they stick up your nose and I really felt like I couldn't breathe. I expected them to find exactly nothing wrong. Well maybe that I go right to the sleep of the dead but nothing else. I was wrong. They found that I do have some sort of apnea. They think it's significant enough that I'm not getting the rest I need. Here's the fun part...I have to do another one. You see, about half of the time I stopped breathing, it was because I had an obstructed airway. The other half, there was no clear reason. So here we go again. In a couple of weeks they're going to do it again and try a couple of things to see what helps.

Before I did the study, they did a bunch of blood tests to make sure I don't have anything like MS or Lupus and thank the heavens, all of my blood tests were looking good. I've also been reading tips online for overcoming fatigue. I'm going to try to get moving a few times a week with Jeff. You know, riding bikes around the neighborhood, getting out on the canoe, teaching my dog how to jog with me, etc. I also heard a 10 minute brisk walk in the middle of the day can help so I'm going to try to get out and take a walk during work several times a week. One of the symptoms was orthostatic issues which I've had for years. In other words, I black out when I stand up too fast, even if I haven't been sitting or laying down for long. There have been connections between those symptoms and fatigue issues it seems. So I'm going to try to *gasp* drink more water. Higher blood volume helps keep the blood a-flowin'.

I figure this is a good time to pick back up on the bloggage. I can document the experience, what has helped, what doesn't help, and what we find out. Who knows, maybe one of the five people who read my posts is going through the same thing and can give advice or take something away from my experience.

We shall see....


Hoping for Sweet Dreams

New Blobsession Rant

Well now that didn't come out quite right. Blog-Obession is what I'm trying to say. And I realize this post is going to get ranty. Apologies beforehand. Is anyone else out there like me? I am horrible about links of blogs to other blogs. I follow a blog and it mentions another blog. Chances are I'll click on over and spend hours reading every post they ever wrote. By the end of the day I know like the last 3 years of your life. And I've lost about 12 hours of my own life. Because I'm obsessed!!!

Some of the time I read it and think ugh, I hate you. Because I'm jealous of you. You know like the young chick I read all about and how she found these really affordable designer clothes (meaning she spent about $1000 on 4 sweaters) which are like the same price as getting the cheap crap at Nordstroms. Only these are so high quality! I think she'd probably throw up all over my $12 blazer from Body Central or faint when I tell her my biggest shopping sprees involve going through the clearance sale at Express with a $20 Christmas gift card and picking out one choice item. Them's my fancy clothes! Yep, I know my clothes are cheap. Yep they fall apart after about 3 months of wear. Do I dry clean my fancy clothes and tuck the shoes in little pillow pockets in my perfect walk in closet? No way man. Because I have approximately $12 a month to splurge on an item of clothing and that's if I cut back on my lunch time Cherry Cokes which is quite the sacrifice if you know me. So I get upset that other people can actually spend a day walking into stores and purchase itemS...with an S! You get the gist. I'm poor with middle class taste.

In all of this blog stalking, envying, and crying a little inside I found a few rays of light that made it onto my follow list. I'm a glutton for punishment because some I envy are also on my follow list, but that's a subject for my therapist. When I get one. I digress.

Here are my two favorite blobsessions in recent history.

Pink Stripey Socks

This one is the most recent one I discovered but I love it!! She seems so real and down to earth. I mean get this...She calls her crafts  "Crapts" because she makes them out of crap. Like REAL crap. The kind of crap I actually have around my house! Hey I have cereal too! And it comes in boxes! Holy crap you can make something out of that and it looks decent?! Amazing!!! It's not at all like Well of course you will have a pile of scrap pieces of knotty pine laying in your fabulous 3 car garage so go out there and use your Ryobi tools, your $300 spray painting gun (amazing price on sale yay!), and one of the 7 gallons of no VOC paint in Nate from the latest Nate Berkus line to whip up a little army of Valentines toads for your mantlepiece. Aren't they so adorbs?!  Umm...what if you have cardboard laboratory supply boxes from moving in a year and a half ago. And what if you can't paint or alter your walls in any way shape or form. What if you have a total of 3 colors of acrylic paint because every time you try to do a craft involving paint it ends in hulk-like rage and half a bottle of paint gooped all over something that used to resemble wood? Speaking of wood..what if you don't have any? Or a saw? Or a place you can use a saw? Or a place you can actually spray paint for that matter? Well Leslie answers all those questions by making things out of cardboard! And food coloring! And she makes face masks. Lots of lots of face masks! (Not like costume ones, but like oatmeal and chocolate ones) And guess what, she doesn't say they're the most amazing thing she's ever tried. She says, sure tasted yummy but my face looked the same. Just like what I say whenever I try a home skin remedy. Gosh I sure do enjoy this kiddo. She's great. Go check her out and blog stalk her with me. Then we can admire her from afar together. Makes me wish I lived near New Jersey. I think we'd be friends.

Ok so anyway, the second one that has me hooked is actually an archive now. Sad sad face :( But I do have a few years of posts to get through so for awhile I'll be entertained. 

Regretsy

Yep, that's a photo of their book from Amazon. Hey I never promised you a tech genius. It's the best descriptive pic I could find. In any case, this is just hilarity at its finest. As the name suggests, it's all the crap people try to pawn off as handmade arts and crafts on Etsy. And Etsy hates Regretsy. But one of my favorite categories so far is the Compare and Save posts. The ones where they prove that people claiming to handmake this junk are actually just reselling cheap stuff. And then it tells me where to just get the cheap stuff. Bonus! *Adult warning* There are plenty of adult themed pieces and some good ol' fashioned swearing. But I have been lolling for hours. Not at work though. Of course not at work. :|

I'll leave off my ranting for the evening, but I really do highly recommend both sites. In fact, I have a craft from miss pink stripey that I'm going to try out very soon and I'll share if it works out well. And I have another craft I did the other day that didn't totally suck so I'll share that one soon too. So much blogging to do, so little time, and so few who care. :D

Getting Back to Blissfully Normal

Ok I'll admit it, normal is not always blissful. In my younger, more drama-filled days I longed for a time when I sat at home with my husband after work eating dinner and then going to bed. No games trying to figure out if he likes me or not or going out to try to impress someone I'll probably end up hating later anyway. Now I have that life and most times it's amazing. But then Pinterest happened. And blogging. And Facebook. All of the social media filled with pretty pictures of people in their spotless homes making boutique crafts and refinishing antique furniture had me feeling like half a woman. Aren't I supposed to have it all together at this point? I mean I'm about to turn the big 3-0 and I don't have the sophisticated, charmed life I always expected I would.

Now you have to know I love my life. I wouldn't trade it for all the sewing and fondant skills in the world. I'd like to think that to some other people my life does seem charmed. I have a great husband who does a smorgasboard of nice things for me and adorable fuzzy puppies that entertain me and make me smile no matter how bad my day was. I live in a space that fits our needs and allows us to have all of our animals accessible and also doesn't break the bank. I don't have a house payment or a car payment. I don't have to work 3 jobs to survive. I don't have rugrats to wrangle all the day long. I have all of the things I need and a few of the things I want too. But I'm human dammit. I'm subject to feeling inadequate despite my accomplishments. It's part of what pushes us to accomplish more but it can also take it's toll.

I started thinking about this subject because of a podcast I listened to this afternoon. It's called Stuff your Mom Never Told You by the How Stuff Works folks. There are two cute girls who talk about all kinds of fun subjects like What to Expect at the Gynecologist. No truly, that was one of their podcasts. So anyway the one I listened to today talked with the writer of a site called New Domesticity. I won't go too far in it. I'd hate to ruin the surprise for all the peeps out there who want to check it out. To quote the site,

This blog is a look at the social movement I call ‘New Domesticity’ – the fascination with reviving “lost” domestic arts like canning, bread-baking, knitting, chicken-raising, etc. Why are women of my generation, the daughters of post-Betty Friedan feminists, embracing the domestic tasks that our mothers and grandmothers so eagerly shrugged off? Why has the image of the blissfully domestic supermom overtaken the Sex & the City-style single urban careerist as the media’s feminine ideal? Where does this movement come from? What does it mean for women? For families? For society?

I liked the insights she had to say on the podcast. Particularly the parts where she points out that these women whose lives I drool over on a daily basis are kind of professionals. They get PAID to show the best side of their lives. They know all of the photography tricks to make everything look magazine ready. They know what words to use to describe a project as the easiest thing in the world. I think they must also know that no one who isn't genetically craftily gifted will be able to actually replicate their efforts and they can rest easy knowing these non-creative types like me will always need guidance.

*sidenote* I use the term non-creative because I'm not creative. period. I've had this discussion with many people before who say that I'm creative because I can follow a pattern. I do not have the ability to come up with ideas for creative things on my own. Quite literally everything I do was an idea from someone else. Or a combination of ideas. But can I look at a jar of toothpicks, an old keyboard, and an old mayo jar and figure out a way to put those things together to look cute? Uh. no. When left to my own devices, and even with guidance most times, my projects tend to come out a little on the kindergarteny side. It's ok. That's just the life of us non-creative folks.

In any case, after listening to said podcast I realized I need to stop obsessing about how much my life doesn't look like a mommy blogger's. It probably never will. Even when I'm a mommy. That doesn't mean I'll stop crafting or crocheting or trying new projects. It just means I'll try to accept what works, move on from what doesn't, and most importantly, I'll try not to feel bad when it looks on paper like my life doesn't stack up. I've got to get back to remembering what's blissful about being normal.

We be craftin'!

Ok, I should say I be craftin'. I'm working on another post to show some of the bigger changes we've made to spruce up the ol' shoebox. (By that I mean apartment) After doing some major furniture moving, reorganizing, and cleaning, I was ready for a break for a couple of days. So I was lazy this weekend. I did some crocheting (click here for my latest project) and then a separate little Valentine's craft. I love VDay Decor and I want our place to look cuter. Even if it's totally cluttered, I want the clutter to be cute. So I dug through my big box o' crafting supplies and pulled out some goodies that have been hibernating in there since long before I was even married. One suggestion...make sure your glue gun hasn't gone kaput before starting up a new craft. Because the glue gun is magical. And if it doesn't work and you're smack dab in the middle of crafting you will say bad bad words that make your husband slowly back out of the room because he's expecting you to go all Snapped on him. (Yeah it was Sunday. And yeah I watch the Snapped marathon on Oxygen practically every Sunday. So what?) Where was I? Oh yeah, crafting. Glue gun. If you can't tell, my glue gun had decided to slowly and painfully die. So I wrestled from it one drop per 10 minutes of work and finally got it sorted out after several hours. Check it out!

I threw together your garden variety wooden crafting frame, scrapbook paper (I get the $5 giant books of them from Walmart), modgepodge, dollar store heart shaped doilies from like 3 years ago, twine wrapped around a scrap piece of paper cut into an L shape (this is where a working glue gun would have been more pleasant), and to make the flower I ruffled a strip of scrap fabric and a strip of a red plastic tablecloth I had saved. I realize that when I'm not following a specific pattern for something I tend to go a little overboard with the layers of effects and embellishments. I just don't have that editing eye that Tim Gunn preaches. Maybe I'll call him up and get some pointers. ;)

Tell me what you think. What other Valentine decor do you love creating and staring at all February long?

New Year, Renewed Resolve

I love the new year! Certainly not because of the weather, but I love it because I can feel good about doing all of the the things I put off last year. I keep wanting to catch up on all the blogs I've missed reading as well as doing a little blogging of my own, but now that it's a new year I can start fresh instead of feeling like I have to "catch up". Whew, what a relief! So here I am again folks. Y'all ready for this?! Dun dun dun da da da dun dun dun dun...

Let's see, where to begin.  I'm well into married life and all of the joys and challenges that brings. It will seem sappy but I try to only post details about the positive things my husband does. I"ve learned in the past that when I vent about my significant other, it gives people (especially family) the wrong ideas about that person and casts them in a different, not so flattering, light. Mostly my venting is me not understanding him and vice versa. Once we talk it out and have a better idea, I find the same things that drove me nuts aren't driving me nearly as nuts and then I feel bad for making such a big deal out of it. So don't think that because I post lovely things that I'm trying to make us look perfect. I'm not. And it drives me batty when people do. Makes me kind of want to smack them up their pretty, smiley little heads. Anyway, I'll end this thought with some nice things Jeff did for me this morning. He packed a little lunch for me, went out in the freezing cold to warm up my car, put the lunch in the car so my scatterbrain couldn't forget it, and then started my Keurig (which incidentally was my Christmas present from him. Score!). He does such a good job of keeping me from being late to work.

 Let's see, what else. Oh yeah. I'm obsessed with my dogs. Sorry, it's kind of like I have kids. Anyone who's friends with me on Facebook knows this as the dog pictures outnumber the people pictures like 4 to 1. But lucky for you, they are cute, funny, and very entertaining. On a more somber note, my older dog has lumps all over her belly that the vet is pretty sure are cancerous.


Look close, they're there

So pretty soon here she'll be having surgery. I'll keep you up to date on that one. Cross your fingers for this precious face!

Look how cute I am


In other medical related news, I'll bet you're wondering what's going on in kidney-land. It's been, and still is, a bit of a roller coaster. Everything after the surgery was good. I can't recall if I posted about my experience during recovery. It's full of not so much fun, but good stuff to know if you're ever going to have abdominal surgery. If I didn't, I'll post that soon with a disclaimer about how old it is. In any case, the kidney was doing great, no more dialysis, and things were getting better. Although my dad has seemed to have less energy ever since he first started treatment, that was starting to come back a little. Then the kidney started having some issues. Just not functioning as well. Turns out he has something called the BK Virus which is common in transplant recipients. Ever since, we've kind of been walking two roads. One path has us hoping the treatments for the virus work and the kidney rebounds. The other has us preparing for the need to get a new kidney. So far things are slowly looking good on the virus end. Levels are going down and functionality is going up. But again, it's sloooooowly happening. I'm very hopeful but trying not to get those hopes up too high. During the preperation for the surgery, the doctors warned you could get depressed from losing a piece of your body. I did not, but I do think if that kidney ceased to function that might be another story. We'll just have to take it a test at a time and see what happens.

On the bright side of medical news, all of Jeff's post cancer testing has been good as gold. So woo hoo go team!!!

Well I feel better already. Look at all this progress I"m making. My big project for the month is well under way. Stay tuned to find out what it is and for before and after pictures. Eeeek, I'm excited!