post christmas, school starts!

hey alls!

Christmas and passed and guess what, school just kicked in. (: not anything too thrilling but at least i have something to do! haha.

christmas was pretty good. (: as usual its always been a family family thing for me, so i spent time at home with the people who love me the most. (: mom, dad, bro i dunno what i'd do without you guys. i love you all so much. (: this christmas i just wanted to spend it with the people who i really loved, and i'm glad i did. (:

mom and i went shopping on christmas eve, we went to go get all the groceries n stuff then proceeded to do all the yummy cooking. we were all hungry n starving so we cooked and ate and you know what! it was only like 730 when we finished dinner! haha. we proceeded to the tree, where we started slowly asking if we could open the presents.

according to my mom, i've always loved receiving gifts and presents, and honestly who doesn't right? i really just love ripping the colour paper off to see something that i couldn't possibly guess what. haha. i love it lah. (: its just the thrill of getting something unexpected. (: i likeyyy!

anyway i got pretty nice stuff this christmas. (: i got 2 crumplers! one is the purple one! KRYA I CAN JOIN THE CLUB! haha. i have the limited edition purple crumpler too! yayeeee. its so prettyyy! and then i got a backpack crumpler which is pretty nice too! (: its sexy red! gosh i have so many crumplers! (:

i got a bunch of other interesting stuff, and i've been going to TM's newly opened cotton on for its awesome sales! hahaha. got really good deals on dresses n everything else. (: loving it muchs! yayeeee. so exciting.

post christmas was pretty much spent at home. on the 26th i went out with mom cos i didnt really want her t be alone at home n stuff so we went to tm. wanted t go t ikea n all but changed our minds n went to watch Yes Man instead. hahaha. it was a super funny and awesome showww! yess i enjoyed it and i wanna watch it again. hahaha. it was super funny! really worth watching la (:

weekend came by and turned out that i had a modern dance camp on saturday! it was pretty fun! i havent stretched/danced in so long i was so glad that i finally had something to do to take my mind off things. (: so i danced. i feel so silly when i dance sometimes, cos i keep taking things so literally. like when i'm supposed to feel, i always question myself HOW TO FEEL. like honestly there's no WAY you can LEARN to feel, feeling is based on YOU and how you interpret the feeling. ahhh i really need to learn how to feel and incorporate that to dance moves.

i guess i'm still pretty used to zaki's 1-8 counts, precise movements and thats really my comfort zone la. cos thats how i do things to, precisely and properly and clearly. rawrrr. i didnt know getting used to ryan's style is so difficult. :( BUT I WILL MASTER IT! i really really want to!!!

so dance camp was pretty alright. we have an exam! which we need to come up with a 2 min modern dance choreo. ahhh jesus please help. we can't choose our groupmates, so i got grouped with joycelyn senior, liying, dana and lingna. all girls! yayyeee. jesus i just pray for more favour n that everything's gonna be good. (:

i missed abi's party thingy cos i had to pick my aunt's MOL at the airport. and she's half blind so i really wanted to be there with my mom t pick her up. so all of us went. it was pretty fun but i was pretty tired. :( i reached home and KOed. super super tired. 

sunday was a good church day! last service of the year. and next year is the year of acceptance, delight and favour. jesus i'm really excited. (: as pastor kept revealing what he saw and what god's vision was for next year, i'm really excited. even though i still really cannot believe that A YEAR has passed! and i'm almost through with my 1 year in poly! ahhh i seriously can't believe it. but jesus - i just want to expect more.

2008 was a good year. (: i felt that it was a year of change for me, transformation and yes another year of growth for me. where i've been transformed from glory to glory, and as i step into year 2009 i'm a blessing going somewhere to happen. i'm a blessing that jesus has called forth, anointed and placed here on earth to be a blessing to those in my life. :) i'm really happy that i'm living today. (:

i know there are times where we go through trials and tribulations, but for christians - its only a season. (: and i know that all the sadness sometimes we all experience only lasts for awhile, and the real happiness n everything comes from within. (: jesus i know you bless me, you love me and you cause me to be happy.

while people are enjoying the moments in life - i want to enjoy everything. i dont want to be a shooting star - i want to be a star thats permanent and fixed constant and consistent in the sky. cos thats what jesus has called me to be. (: and i'm excited for more trials that i encounter cos it means that i'm learning to grow and lean on jesus strength to pull me through.

i want my 2009 to be full of jesus. his words on my lips, his word on my hands and on every single area of my life. marika is a beautiful, secure and loved, not only by the people who love her but by her lord, who has always supplied her with so much favour. (:

jesus continue to teach me to love selflessly, and to really grow more in you, as you groom me to be the proverbs 31 woman that you have called me to be. (:

i will share more soon!

christmas eve

technically - its christmas eve now!

so merry christmas eve to one n all! haha.

its been an interesting holiday so far. haha. been doing my fair share of christmas shopping and have at least visited orchard 5 times or more! hahaha. its been really funny. but all good. (: been spending lots of time w my bro n my mom n all just getting presents for each other or others of the family since this year its only just going t be the 4 of us. (: the huge shocker is when my dad actually asked me t buy my mom that perfume she wanted as her christmas present. (: so sweeetttt (: even though mom gave a HUGE hint. hahahah.

i think i've been spending a lot too. rahhhh. on a lot of stuff la. christmas really sucks your moneyyy. :( i like givingggg but like i got no more money. :( but i know my jesus will restore even more! cos he loves me like that!

i attended NRA's Danzation last fridayyy! all the way in CLEMENTI NGEE ANN POLY! haha. gosh so far. but the concert was overall ok i must say! super happy to see ALENE n ANJO! mainly went cos of them! was really excited! and i cant believe anjo was in NONE of the modern dances! :( sad sad! and alene was in the ELEVATOR dance! cheryl n i were like - omg i cant imagine alene dancing that! haha. BUT SHE DID!

super proud of you girls! and i love watching you guys danceeee! it seriously makes me wanna dance and i cant wait till i get my turn at GEMS 4! i really really wanna perform for Gems 4 and am super excited about it cannnnn! rahhhhhh! i just need t get off my butt and dancing! but for now there's open house and there's many many more instore. so hopefully everything's still all good. doing bleeding love AGAIN. haha. so yes kevon! catch me! i'm lighter now! whoo hoo! hahahah (:

either way, as christmas is coming it just makes me realise that another year's coming to an end. :( not exactly exciting, but oh well, once 2009 hits i'm 19! yes 19! :( my last TEEN. rahhh. so i'm gonna make the best outa it yeah! exciting things in storeeee. (:

well i guess the christmas feel is totally kinda lost cos of all the assignments and upcoming projects n stuff. like during these 2 weeks still gotta think about all the groupwork shit that we gotta hand in once school reopens. rah. super not exciting. but oh well. we know we'll get them done somehow. hahaha. and i just can't wait to get photography over n done with. seriously. can't wait.

other than that. many presents are under my 'tree' and i kinda can't wait to open them so that i can see what they are. i like presents esp those i dont know. hahaha. so i can get surprised. (: my mom said since i was young i'm still the same. always wanting to open presents. but fun what! and thrilling! hahaha.

i bought nice dresses todayy! kinda excited t wear them out thus waiting for an occasion. hehehe. n abi's birthday is coming soonz! i am excited for her yo! FINALLY 17. hahaha. but yeshhh. really excited for her upcoming birthday! (: saturday night at clarke quay. whopieeee (:

ok sorry for all the unorganised/categorised post. its just stuff off my mind. (:

till i can pen down a proper entry!

nights!

term break

these holidays have been fairly interesting.

the first three days i was stuck doing my assignment for leadership! it was due on wednesday so i quickly got it done, and rushed to school to hand it in on Wednesday! then after that i went with my mom to go do our hair! yes i got a perm and am loving it! hahaha. (: then i went to town to go christmas shopping with my brother.

i am seriously loving taka department store. its like amazing la! there's like SO MANY THINGS in that shop! haha. they sold everything mannnn! i was super super excited n my bro and i didn't really wanna leave the store. hehee. we found like kaleidoscopes n everything else. super super amazing shit. hahaha. and we had tonnes of fun walking around orchard. (:

the next day was a men's and woman's meeting, and i was really excited to go for it. (: i loved what pauline shared about loving relationships, and i really felt that i received a lot from what she shared. (: and it opened up my eyes n heart to see what jesus really has in store for me in all the relationships in my life. (: to love people the way god loves them, to understand how people want to be loved n to really just appreciate the people that i love and who love me. (:

it was really refreshing to learn how jesus really loves me, how jesus really fills me and how he wants me to love others. (: i'm excited to know what the lord's teaching me and grooming me to be the woman of god that is full of grace, love and kindness. (: jesus you really love me la, and i know you will turn everything around for your good. (: thank you jesus - teach me okay (:

i think the fear of my future broke that day. i know that my future is gonna be good, that my life ahead of me is gonna be so so so good. (: and i dont need to worry, cos everything that i'm going through now, is just temporal, it is just seasonal, it is just something that is helping me to grow up into a better stronger and more beautiful person. (: so i should be excited. you love me jesus, you really do. (:

other than that Danzation was on friday! (: yesss it was cool! i miss watching a dance concert. i was just so immersed and lost in the whole thing, nothing could distract me. it was only then that i realised that only dance could actually capture my full attention, i feel as though i was in a realm that it was only me and the dance. nothing else. and i love the feeling. of being just so immersed in something that it didn't matter how noisy the crowd was, but the fact that it was just me and the dance. hahaa. i don't know how to describe, but the feeling is just amazing. like i can just get so LOST in the dance i don't think about ANYTHING else. (: i loved the release, despite that its only temporary, but the feeling was amazing. (:

loveee ittt (: 

i missed dance camp cos i had to be at the combined youth meeting christmas bash! and zomg! it was super super good. (: despite being late, i sat with my bro n claire. it was really good. i felt jesus everywhere. (: and i loved the fact that i just sat there and received. there wasn't a particular message, but i loved when pastor benjamin really just asked us to envision our 2009 and how we want it to be. i just saw so many good things so many opportunities, doors open, and my smiling face. (: thats all that mattered. and honestly i am super uber excited (:

passed around my presents - homemade cookies! :) yayyeee. super yumzyumz all thanks to rachel's recipe. (: i miss that girl la. and i remember the times where we used to make them when we were sec 1. hahaha so funny. (:

alls well. (: that was a summary of the first week of my holz. (:

remember your chains

this past few weeks have been the most interesting so far.

interesting because i think i've learnt a lot this week, and understood a lot as well. (:

i havent gone for sunday service for the longest time, and i finally decided to get my lazy ass to suntec last sunday, and my oh my, i was tearing from tampines, through the train, thru citylink - where i bumped into anjo who gave me the most comforting hug on earth, and ethel to accompany me. then i went up to the overflow room to listen to svc.

i was hoping for pastor prince to be there, but apparently it was pastor charles. but i loved his message. (: his message was about faith. faith that comes only through speaking and believing. (: i was tearing throughout service. especially when he talked about mountains. when sometimes we encounter mountains that are blocking us from where we were supposed to be and when sometimes you just cry and cry to your pillow to sleep, but he said, let me tell you something because i love you so much - no matter how much you cry, nothings going to change, and all you get in the end - is just a really wet pillow. 

its when you just need a little faith, to just know that god's just going to make everything alright. (: i felt really loved during service, and i just felt daddy hugging me so tightly. i felt so so loved and safe in the house of god. (: and i was so glad i finally am back home. (: when i felt like i had no friends - i saw immanuel sitting in front of me and he asked me if i was ok. (: it was as if god knew i was going to be alone, and he just like sent people to accompany through the day (: anjo, ethel and then imman. (: jesus you really love me la. its just the small things we dont notice that god does. (:

i went through the week still slightly sad, but okay. as much as i never understood the situations around me, he is faithful, and i just really need to believe. i went bloghopping, and i notice so many people around me have very very blessed relationships where they've all been so happy. it was as though they were perfect - only because jesus caused them to be. (: and somehow after reading their blogs, i felt so blessed. blessed because somehow in my heart i just knew that i will be like that someday. in a relationship that glorifies jesus, where i'll be happy and everything's just going to be so easy and flowing with grace. (: 

i just felt loved, knowing that daddy, YOUR PROMISES stay true. who says just because of whatever i've gone through i will not end up in a blessed relationship in future. i'm just scared that i'd have this crappy marriage - one that depicts one of my parents and every other man in my family. NO MORE. i say no more stupid generation curse and NO MORE broken hearts or broken families - because i have a big big God, who will NOT shortchange me. (: i want to be excited to fall in love. (: but for now, i'm really in love with the one who loves me the most (:

yesterday, i went for arrow, and honestly it was the best time ever. i know it when i can smile and laugh and its from the inside and its not something that i need to hide. (: the time before svc was really bad. i did not enjoy any bit of it, and i went in for arrow pretty heartbroken. i thank god for worship cos it was a time i just kept crying my eyeballs out, and just cried to jesus. thanks claudine for the hug. (: i love you a lot, cos i was super comforted after that. (:

pastor dan preached for arrow! i was SO HAPPY cos i missed him so super muchhhh! omg ahhh. i really miss pastor, and i was so glad to see him on stage. (: i really really really was so so so happy. (: pastor preached a really good sermon that i really enjoyed (: he preached on worship - but for me i felt more on restoration. (: it was so amazing that when i was sitting down there, i just cried my eyes out while pastor kept talking. i loved it when he said sometimes we go through challenges where we just can do nothing but cry, cry and cry till there are no tears left to cry, and when we cannot hold onto anything anymore - we only can hold onto god. (: 

that just hit me right there on my heart, and that caused the tears to flow down even more. (: cos earlier i just keep feeling like i have nothing to hold onto, nothing to hold onto anymore, and there was my answer - nothing except god. (: i just felt so so so so loved. (: by the one who TRULY loves me the most. (: the god that sees beyond everything, beyond my shortcomings, beyond my character - but he knows my heart. (:

i felt pastor just looking at my direction, and just saying in my face, as if directly to me, no matter what challenges your going through, no matter how much you cry now, know that jesus is going to RESTORE even more. (: no more tears marika - cos daddy's going to restore and your future is TAKEN CARE OF. (: it was just so so so so awesome. (:

and today when i went for service, pastor dan did communion. (: and he talked about restoration, and i just kept crying throughout! cos i just really felt his presence all over me, the anointing - my daddy's love for me. (: just totally wash me full. as i partook, i knew that its just daddy pouring his love on me once again. (:

throughout service i kept tearing again! pastor was taking about the spirit of judgement. it was something that i needed to hear cos i felt this word brewing in my heart - expectations. i just dont want to have a judgement mentality. i dont want to live in guilt or shame - cos that leads to a broken heart, but one thats full of love, wisdom and favour cos of jesus. (: all good things have come from the cross and if i build everything towards him - everything will be okay (: cos everything is for jesus.

as i was pondering on the thought - why do i do everything for jesus. i mean sometimes we forget, but the word - remember your chains, just came to me. why i am a believer today is because i was there at the beginning, broken, cold, bitter - but jesus was the one, who took that broken introvert girl and raised her up to who she is today. (: the girl with MUCH FAVOUR. (: much wisdom, and is full of love. (:

after service claire n i managed to talk to pastor dan! ahhhh like i said - I MISS HIM SO MUCH. hahaha. but yea, we were just sharing with him about our lives in arrow n everything, and its really been good. (: i shared with him about ytd's msg n everything and he told me - everytime when you dont know why you just happen to cry cos your heart is touched - thats when god's doing a deep work in you, so deep that you might not even know what it is, but its something that god's healing in you today. (: i just felt like crying! ahh. but it was really true. the house of god is where my heart is healed. (:

i was telling him about the - cry until you got no more tears to cry. haha. and he told me, do you know god counts and collects your tears in a bottle? i was laughing and told him, if god did that i'd have a well! or even a DAM! haha. cos i've probably cried so much in my life its amazing! he then told us about how god knows when we're sad, and he hurts as well, and god knows things we dont even know about ourselves. (: its just amazing la, and i just forgot where my focus was. (: on his love for me.

i was also sharing with pastor about remembering my chains - and he sang us the steven curtis chapman song called remember your chains. (: he sang it for us, and i went to youtube it and i love the song (:

the youtube video showed us how he came about writing the song - which was when he was on a flight back and he saw this prisoner who was chained up, his legs and hands, and all he did was peer out the window. the whole time as he walked up and down the isles, he was reminded how he wasn't chained physically, but of how we've all been imprisoned by sin. but when we know the grace of god (: it just changes your life forever. (: go youtube it (:

it was such a refeshing chat. talking about sch, and how Daryl David's my course manager haha, and we're from the same house of god amen! i love it the fact that i choose to believe that my course is really managed by a leader who knows grace! and anointing flows from the top so therefore this course is set a part from the other courses and is one that will PROSPER because of jesus. (: and because of his grace. (: i love the fact, that i'm under tha management of grace, and that my leader knows grace as well. (: so awesome lah.

throughout the day, i just kept thinking about how amazing my life has been. through dare to arrow and even in PA. (: i just love the fact that he's blessed me beyond all that i can imagine. (: even though there are days, that i feel like not waking up, curling up and dying - but i have a reason to live! i have JESUS! and thats all i ever need in this life. (: my future's secure and totally accounted for in this life. (:

i feel so blessed. i dont want to sell myself short anymore and i dont want to look to myself anymore - but i just want to know I AM BLESSED, and I AM A BLESSING WHEREVER I GO and in WHATEVER I DO. cos i have the FAVOUR the WISDOM and the COURAGE of god. (: cos he always always always backs me up. (:

to more good things in store - i'm excited (:

Remember your chains

Remember the prison that once held you

Before the love of God broke through

Remember the place you were without grace

When you see where you are now

Remember your chains

And remember your chains are gone

enough is enough

i'm sitting here & its 1.22am

thinking about so many things - my mind is in such a whirlwind, my emotions are backfiring on me, and everything seems to be crumbling down. i just feel as though my mind n everything else is crashing down on me, but i can't do anything to stop it.

i just feel so lousy, inadequate and so imperfect. i just feel so wrong everywhere.

and then, my itunes started playing "jesus, your my lord" and i can hear the familiar voice of Pastor Dan just worshipping Jesus, and then the rain just started coming down, a huge storm.

then i know everything's gonna be alright. no more tears my dear, no more because your daddy's here to take them all away. the rain's going to wash away all my tears, and daddy, you just hug me ever so tightly and just carry me through the storm.

take away these thoughts, these feelings, these emotions. 

daddy i just need you now. 

more than ever. 

your hands

alrighty its half the week through!

monday i totally woke up late for school! :( rawr. i missed my first lesson in school ever n i still feel pretty bad about it! ahhh. it was all wet n rainy in the morning, and i didnt have that fantastic a sleep. :( so generally - it kinda sucked and the weather didnt really help much. :(

on a lighter note, i still had to get to school. thankfully faith handed in my proposal for me and i had t head t sch t pass her film and to return my red spot library book. rawrrr. on the way i bumped into nick. and thanks dude, for sitting at the bus stop and talking to me all the way. at least there's someone in this world who gets me! hahaha. thanks though. for being a real friend (:

went home, and then went BACK to school in the evening for leadership lecture w claire. (: it was on our DiSC stuff and personalities, so it was quite an interesting lecture. headed for dinner after and enjoyed myself. (:

tuesday was photography! we did light painting! it was pretty interesting and i have always wanted to know how t do these kinda things. well, now i do! hahaha. just gotta leave the shutter open like wayyy long! hahaha. mr kenny was all - 30 secs for shutter speed. and that was WAYYY to long. we ended up only using around 10 or 8 secs. nonetheless, we churned out some pretty cool pictures! (:

Attempted name!

Faith an angel! haha. so cute!

Successful star! (:

speech bubble!

hahaha!

i was feeling all moody and grouchy. i guess its been things thats been happening, but nonetheless, i choose to believe things ARE and WILL and CAN ONLY get better. (: cos i know i have a big big God, who really just wants me to smile everyday (: yayeeee. but yesss. despite feeling all not too there, the day was still good. (: 

wednesday brought about the longest day ever! 9-10! yes i had class in the morning followed by my 3 hr break and then to percom class after which we had DANCE! yes i came up with posters for our CCN day stall! 

then we had TP Arts Fest practice outside the library! modern dance had to wait super long. so while waiting... we played old school games! like say macaroni, chop chilli chop and many other silly ones. hahah. super funny. it was also super cold cos it was raining throughout the night! goshersss! it was really really heavy heavy rain! and we were there warming up and dancing. haha. so eventually when we got our turn t dance - did bleeding love twice, and then hiphoppers took over! and it was already like 9ish? gosh n they were still so high! it was like a mini party there man! hahaha.

thursday was percom lect in the morning, and then proj meeting in the afternoon. then to watch madagascar 2! its not that nice as i'd want it to be! :( i'm waiting for Ice Age 3 to come out n all so i can watchhhh! and i seriously wanna watch HSM again! ahhh. anyone free to go with MEEEEE? (: i seriously wanna watch HSM again! whines whines whines!

so friday is going to be a busy day! radio thingy at 830 tmr! and then world issue tut, lect then J2 lect n then i'm done at 4! rawr! but yayyyy! another FREE FRIDAY! whooo hoooo! (: exciteddd!

on a random thought, i seriously wanna go cut my hairrrrr! its getting way too long and its annoying me! - or my fringe rather! rawrrrr!!! and i seriously want to get a new camera! like a holga or a blackbird! ahhh. they're so gorgeous! i super wanna experiment with them! this reminds me of my weekend!

Saturday's gonna be exciting cos i have arrow! and we're taking part in the busker fest! whoo hoo! we are human canvas yo! so exciting! hahaha. i cant wait mans. and yes, sunday is my photo expedition! i chatted w jessie, and ever since this photog module, i need t get practicing, so i am gonna go w her on sunday to take pictures! yaye. w her DSLR n stuff! super excitedddd! (:

daddy i just wanna pray for a restful heart. a heart that is full of you, and one that can enjoy the everyday pleasures of life with such rest in my heart. daddy, i dont want to worry about the things of this world, my health, my studies - nothing, but just focus on YOUR goodness for me. i want to focus on YOUR goodness in my life. to do the things i'm afraid of, and to stop the what ifs in my life. NO MORE daddy, for you were borne on the cross for me - you will not let the devil attack me or my thoughts anymore! I AM PERFECT, MADE WHOLE AND FULL OF YOUR GRACE AND FAVOUR! daddy, i want to honour YOU and cast everything to you.

these little hands cant hold them all, they will tire, but your strong hands go beyond all that. (: they lift these little hands up high.

AS HE IS SO AM I IN THIS WORLD.

nothing less. (:

Thank you Jesus - for a life worth living. (: 

i want to make it fruitful (:

15 things

i was tagged by faith to do this, so doing this for you babe. (:

1. Were you named by anyone? nope. my name is totally unique and just for me (:

2. Do you still have your tonsils? Yup, i would think they're still there somewhere

3. Would you bungee jump? errr not too keen, but if i had daring people around i wouldn't mind trying (:

4. What is your favourite cereal? the one with the real (freeze dried) strawberries in them! super yum yum and healthy!

5. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nope!

6. What is your favourite ice-cream? i love the traditional strawberry! (: and of course - Green Tea (:

7. What is the first thing you notice about people? their clothes and their facial expressions

8. What is the least favourite thing about yourself? haha tonnes. but one has got to be the fact i get so uptight it actually annoys myself. i super need to learn how to have fun.

9. What was the last thing you ate? Porridge!

10. Last movie you watched? High School Musical 3! (:

11. What did you dream about last night? i dreamt about something along the lines of HSM but in a super different context. okay i know. i dont often remember my dreams.

12. What book are you reading? currently, my leadership textbook? haha.

13. What are you listening to right now? Pastor Prince's sermon on how to live a life of rest.

14. Summer or Winter? WINTER (: i love the cold. (:

15. Do you have any special talents? errr. i can secretly transform my tongue into many weird shapes! 

I tag whoever wants to do this! to list the above 15 things about themselves!

inundated

this week i was pretty busy with dance!

i missed training on monday, cos school ended at 7 :( and then our ICA1's were due as well. so i wrote about clarke quay throughout journalism tutorial. rawrrr! then there's leadership lecture at 6! goshers. super tiring mans.

tuesday had artsfest training, and wednesday also. wednesday we started early so that we could go costume shopping! ryan's cancelled class for 3 weeks in prep for SP concert! :( but at least we've still been dancing cos of arts fest! so yay (: thats good la. (: the costume idea's also quite nice i feel! (:

thursday was a really slow day. but had tonnes of work to rush through and finished. school has officially kicked in and i super do not wanna waste my time this sem! i really want to do well! (:

friday was good cos i finally had a free friday off and i could go for CARE GROUP with TPA! i really enjoyed care group much much! cos i missed how it felt man! i haven't even really been attending cos of dance pracs on fridays, but finally man. (: miss it tonnes. i loved sharing and everything. it was really awesome. (: and it just reinforced pastors msg on sat about as he is so are we in this world. (: didn't join them for supper, but i headed home a happy happy girl (: refreshed for sure.

saturday was also a good day and sunday was mr lim's wedding. (: enjoyed finally seeing him get married! i wouldn't have imagined but yes, he is officially a husband! ahhhh. (: proud of you mr lim! (: thanks for the invite! ahhaha. i wouldn't have missed it!

so thats all this week!

there's probably too much on my mind to type out all here, but if i've got the time, i will. haha.

serenity

the week following after was more school school school!

there was arts fest training on wednesday, followed by the celebrating of my dad's birthday. (: it was really fun and awesome! (: we bought dad a Keg to put his beer in and we bought him cologne. cos for one he has officially turned 60 and we wanted to celebrate his age! hahaha. for mom it was more of like rubbing it in his face kinda thing. damn funny.

so this is what we do before dance prac!

Scaryyy?

happy halloween!

Glow and colour pencil!

funny faces.

hahhaa

i also managed to catch HSM 3 on thursday! we got good tickets! sitting in the grand cathay! (: omg it was pure awesomeness! i was super awed at the fancy place. and when we were walking in, they were playing all the hsm songs! ahhhh. i super wanna get the soundtrack! (: even though i felt the movie was a little drama. haha. the sudden burst into songs n all. but yea. it was good!

all in all it was a good good day. (: i enjoyed the week pretty much. despite the drama, the sleepless nights, sometimes i just need to learn to suck everything in and take it as it comes to me. (: daddy - your grace is more than enough.

friday was halloween! while everyone was out in scary costumes trick or treating n everything,  i resorted staying at home doing my own work - like watching a bugs life and just enjoying the serenity. haha. while faith had her scary party and abi, her date w the ex. oh wells. hahaha.

the weekend brought arrow svc! i throughly enjoyed arrow svc, and i must must get the cd for this week! i really loved what pastor preached - as he is, so am i in this world. daddy, just was there with me enjoying every single bit of everything pastor had to share. (: i want heart transformation, to grow from the inside out. (: to be firmly rooted in christ. no more insecurity. i dont wish for it anymore - i can choose who i want to be. (:

after arrow, had dinner then to our usual macs spot! where claire was playing w her quad cam! i am so honoured i got to actually be the first one she too pics of! tog w nic! haha. and then i had a real heartening talk with nic. (: i seriously enjoyed talking to him and sharing with him all thats been going on - like how we used to. and i'm just thankful friends like this have stayed with me. those like nic, claire, claudine n all. i'm just so grateful that i still have them in my life. (: thank you jesus. (:

sunday i had to do my journalism assignment - so i met faith at clarke quay! yepppers! she was so sweet to come all the way t tampines t find me. despite the rain, it was a pretty good day (: very refreshing! and i really enjoyed every bit about it. (: the perfect weather, with awesome people. doing assignments and yes dinner was awesome. (: cos it was spent with people i love the most.

so that was a cool week!

perfection

This is just TOO perfect for reality

I want my High School Musical Moment

it's like catching lightning,

the chances of finding someone like you

its one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do

and with every step together, we just keep on getting better

so can i have this dance

someone's 21!

Highlight of the long weekend: Rachel's 21st Birthday Bash!

happy birthday babe! (:

it was DOPE, if thats how you call it? hahah. i was so super excited and i felt so privileged to be able to attend her birthday party mans! haha. but it was super super fun night! there were games with awesome prizes! like a canon digital printer and a philips mobile phone! and disneyland watches! like how amazing is that can!

it was all hiphop themed! our table was called punkin! and the other of our tables was called tango! hahaha. so cool. so upon arrival, we noticed the place by its striking exterior - it had a graffiti place-board that said welcome to my party! so amazing. and you can hear music blasting from the inside! haha. we had t write our names for games n for lucky draws! so cools.

part of the banner outside!

check out the backdrop!

graffiti! haha

the kickass prizes!

and even the programme n dinner menu had her on it. haha

our table! - PUNKIN!

and the people who reside in it!

the Tango table!

then next we had the yum yum food! 9 course dinner! chinese style! seriously reminded me of a wedding. n all of us felt as though it was a wedding! haha. but it was seriously coolsome awesome mans! hahaha. yummy dinner in a cosy place with awesome people. haha. wayne, paul n moses kept us laughing throughout mans.

the babe giving her Thank You speech

Anjo n I (:

love this photo! psst. where's alene?

Sam and I

goofing off before food arrives!

FOOD!

lobster thingy, fish and the taogay soup!

glorious babes

me, anjo, sam and c. shanthi

there were games! the first one was for beatboxing, wayne kept wanting anjo's name t be called cos she said she'd give him a prize if she won anyth and the chance of getting your name called was like 1 in a 100? haha. and true enough, ANJO was called! haha. our table was gasping n cheering n laughing! it was super coiencidentally funny! hahaha. n alvin as well!

beatboxers to be!

Alvin da winna!

n turns out anjo's not bad at beatboxing! hahahahaha. but alvin won the philips phone in the end. and anjo got cathay vouchers - 5 man! so thats like 5 movies! hahah. and we were all ooohhhing n ahhhing at HSM! ahhh. i can't wait to go watch it! thursday! thursday! (: can't waittt!

they opened the floor eventually and it was pretty cool! to see so many dancers from so many genres just dance out on the floor was really amazing. all i could do was just stand there in awe! like omg i so cant get my body to twist n turn like that! hahah. there was this popper dude who was awesome! alvin n asher were all - WHOA. hahaha. seriously dope! there was this bgirl also. super good man. walaoooo.

Dancinggg!

the next game was some funny dance thing. max went up but didn't manage to show off his awesome stuff! so he couldn't win the printer! :( max should have done his ariel flips n 180 degree extensions n cartwheels without hands stuff! he would've definitely won man! funny guy. hahaha. but soon after the programmes ended and they opened the floor for more dancing! haha. so while people danced - we camwhore attempting to take clubby pics. hahaha. with all the pretty pretty lights!

with celeste, teresa and cheryl!

our star freestylin!

last pics! (:

me, anjo n rachel!

the end to a long night!

well after all the food, and the open floor, we eventually decided t head home. (: trained trained from harbourfront home home n then now t blog n eventually head t school for photography class tmr! excited! hahah can't wait. (:

n i can't wait for thursday for HSM! (:

till then ~ toodlez!

first week of school

the first week of school hasn't exactly been entirely fantastic.

its been such an emotional roller coaster, where i just swamp myself with my own worries and problems.

admist it all, i'm glad i got to see abi n faith n kathleen n em and everybody again. (: i miss everyone! my first lecture was my cds lecture which was leadership and character. (: lecture was abit boring n outa place but i didnt mind. (: but i liked the subject overall. (:

the rest of the week was spent attending lectures! and i had fun w abi n faith n them sorting out the issues of my life with me. sigh. i'm still in a dilemma and i dont know what to do. and i know i've just been pushing it aside t really try to just focus n study. i just cover everything up with studying i guess, but what else can i do.

my aunt left on wednesday, so for monday and tuesday we spent that time helping them pack up stuff n everything. and honestly, it wasn't that easy to see them go as well. i was really really upset :( 

the last time i would ever hold my cousin again. :(

she is tagged for Quantas!

she fell asleep in my brother's arms

so cute

family. (:

sigh. i miss you guys already.

so on thursday i had arts fest practice outside the tp library! gosherrrss! it was hard. haha. but yet fun fun. my partnerrr! gosh. thank god we've done all this before if not i'd seriously just be scareddd! and so we changed stuff here n there n cleaned up n settled the dance n practice ended at like 1030? yepp. n i was contemplating if i should take another cds cos dana is! ahhh...

so on friday aft lect - jannah n i decided t go opt for another cds since its our only free sem! we went up and waited for the guy for like 1 hr? gosh but we managed t get in and take another sub! none of the other cds were actually kinda available so we settled for world issues. since i think we both need to brush up on our current affairs anyway! haha. n the timing is superb! like 11am tutorial n 1pm lect on friday! just before j2 lect at 2! so therefore i will still keep my ultra FREE thursdays! yayyyeeeee! n we're both in e same class! God is good la. i really believe its favour (: to be able to keep my free days and to take on another subject. (: praise jesus. and i will do well! (: cos if he put me in it, he will bless me!

saturday was my free sat! spent time with mom and went to Bugis to shop and t run her errands. it was pretty fun. (: bought stuff and i also managed to complete my dad's birthday shopping! hahah. so we're all set for his big 60th. gosh i can't believe he's 60, but my mom never fails to ever keep reminding him he's 60. hahaha.

sunday i didn't manage t head for svc, instead i went to get my stuff - files n all. from tm and then head home t finish up organising this sem's work. this sem all my files are PURPLE! (: yayeee so exciting! it should help motivate me to study my butt off. haha. n then went for prata in the evening. wasn't a very pleasant evening, like i said - i just forgot how much everything hurts. therefore i shall not elaborate further.

so this week of school's been pretty okay. the week coming up, i forsee so much more work! and deadlines LOOMING in on me. sigh, but jesus i know your always there for me holding me close. i just need you now more than ever cos i have never felt this lost in my entire life.

daddy i forsee that even though this semester is going to be TOUGH, daddy, YOU are gonna pull me through. through the emotions, through everything. daddy its just gonna be all you. i just dont wanna see myself fall short again, and i know its gonna be good. daddy you are faithful, and thats all i want to put my hope in.

so to next week! (: 

i believe it shall be good. 

too late?

i just don't know what to do.

i just realised that my hearts breaking, and to think that I'm the one destroying it. to think that whenever i've come to a decision, i just make it worse, or its already just too late to even do anything about it to make it better. 

why is everything just falling apart and its all my fault. i just pushed away everyone who's ever loved me and all i do at the end is just sit down and cry cos i don't know what I'm going to do to. i just don't feel like talking about anything n everything cos every time i open my mouth everything just gets worse. am i created to destroy everything that makes me happy? or maybe happiness wasn't mine for the taking to begin with.

the feeling just sucks, when i look back n realise how much i've been hurting someone who really loves me, and i guess it doesn't matter now, cos at the end of the day nothing i do is probably going to work. 

the past haunts us all, n nothing we say or do is going to make anything right in everyone else's eyes ever. no one is ever gonna be happy for us, and neither are we meant to be happy. as much as we can live in the world of our own happiness, i guess we can't any longer. there's just no point.

marika is the perfect girl, and she has to be with the perfect guy, and that guy is just not me. that was probably the thing that broke my heart the most. no matter what it will never be. no matter how much we try, no matter what, everyone will still think that I'm some idiot, even if i don't care. 

daddy i just really don't know what you want for me. but whatever it is, it hurts. i don't know why but it just hurts so much. and i forgot how much it hurt, but i just realised how much it does.

LAST WEEK OF HOLS!

the last week of the hols was fruitfully spent. (:

monday ushered in the new dance members for PA dance! (: it was really exciting and i was pretty happy that we're finally expanding. (: we had fun in class w all the intro w jewel n all, and it was really really fun. (: i know this ministry is in good hands - in daddy's hands. (:

tuesday had lunch w the granduncle at central mall. we had really good porridge! (: i was pretty tired n all. but we still had fun! the baby got to see clarke quay! hahaha. so cool. n then they went home shortly after, n i headed t bugis t shop shop! (:

 wednesday brought about a pretty exciting adventure. i had t head all the way t bukit chandu to actually do some spywork. haha. it was pretty fun cos i had good good company. (: even though mosquitos suck, but it was good. (: bused t vivo after t have lunch then trained home t tampines t meet liying! then to school for dance practice! (: did very interesting choreo! hehehe. so exciting! n sat at the bus stop t catch up with liying. (:

on thursday i had a date w claire! we went shopping n then we headed t NYDC for lunch! yes she has never been there before. hahaha. n then we walked around some more. went haji lane all n then went back t Tampines n then had blue urban oasis again. we got good drinks n had late dinner. before finally deciding t head home. (:

friday had dance in the evening. we did this very abstract piece jewel choreo-ed. it was really nice though. (: before that i went w my mom n aunt t the lawyers  n then to her friend's cafe which was called - His Grace Cafe. (: i really liked the name a lot. n then after that i headed back home t pack up t head t my grands place t spend the night.

saturday was arrow! we were supposed to wear red and black but i didn't really wanna follow the colour combi. hehehe. it was pretty fun. cos we had fun dinner games n everything. i really enjoyed myself. (:

and sunday was sunday service. (: afterwhich i spent time with the cg at mos burger n then to ah chews for dessert. it was good having company home as well as chatting at macdonalds. not to mention our bus 23 ride was super hilarious. hahahhaa. 

then to a week of SCHOOL! yes, school has officially started and i need t get everything back on track. jesus, this semester is YOURS. (:

Family Gathering

the weekend brought about a family gathering at my grands - for our very special VIP (Very Important Princess) haha. yes yes, many people i dont really know. there were familiars but i think the last time i saw them was like when i was sec 1? or even younger. haha. yes my extended family on my mom's side (: 

the VIP!

we arrived slightly late, but there weren't many people there. we had catered food! - so didnt have to worry so much about cooking! hahaha. and it was fun seeing all the older people ogle at the baby! gosh, and she was such a good girl today she did not cry or whine for long periods of time! hahahah. or at all in fact! praise jesus. (: i think she enjoys people carrying her. (:

yum yum food!

Family Picture

my grandpa's sister and her family

Group Shot!

with Uncle Patrick and Aunty Poh Puay

++ the distant cousins

Aunty Susan and her twin girls Shaina and Sarah (:

Marcus & Serene

*Faith Picture*

the very tired VIP

i played with Aunty Susan's twins. they are so so so adorable. (: they are so cute and have such beautiful god centered spirits its amazing. the true child like faith. (: so pure and beautiful. (: and they're such blessed girls! they they just remind me of how we should view things. (: they happily dressed me up with their bangles and jewellery from toys r us. haha. so cute.

mom, me, the twins and aunty susan (:

the girls and Danica (:

n they were amused with my macbook, cos its all pinky and they just keep asking why why why why why. haha. they are so cute n fun. (: they even taught me how to play nitendo ds! i never knew how! and they're only 6! and they own 2 nitendo Ds-es. goshhhh. i still remember the first generation GAMEBOY. hahaha. i used to own one of those! and they both even have handphones! at 6 years old! gosh. blessed kids. 

so after everyone left, i ended up running around the house taking care of the little one. and we took many many pics of her. (: oh and i got to feed her. haha. she's so cuteee! but its a once in a lifetime experience so i might as well learn now. (: hehehe.

my cousin and i (:

Marlon and cousin

Feeding!

don't try to hold your own bottle when you can't! haha

burp burp!

and after all that i was sitting outside watching TV and doing stuff when my grandma comes over and shows me this:

Me and Me as a baby! hahahah

i look like a boy!

it was such a long tiring day mans! PHEW. i was so tired out n all throughout the day. oh yes yes, and another piece of news to share, the little girl has finally turned over on her own! haha. so cute! she can turn over and lift up her head on her own - despite struggling for awhile to actually MOVE, she did it! hahaha. the girl is really growing up so so fast (:

seee, she's turning! (or at least trying to!)

TADA!

the little super woman! 

and she can turn her head to face us too! so cutee!

she was extremely adorable and my mom and i wanted t see her turn so we "helped" her a bit. hahaha. by pushing her over when she almost got it! hehehe. so cute. see her lift her head n face us n smile. (:

oh and i found other cutie pictures of her! omg these were so cute i could not resist i had to post them up. (:

on one of her good days. smiling and laughing.

check out her toothless grin!

this was in australia!

the concentrated cross eye look!

so damn cuteee

one of my faves!

taken in aussie - with her cute pink cap! hehe

my utmost fave!

she's only as big as the bear! 

and check out her grin! totally priceless!

omg claire if your reading this your confirm squealing now. haha. DAMN CUTE RIGHT! (: ok enough about the little VIP! thats my entry for today! might add onto it about sunday (: till then.

toodlez!~