Since my last post, I have completed treatment 3 & 4, and am preparing for treatment 5 this coming Monday. Treatment 3 was rough physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I've always had a pretty high pain tolerance, so I can take a lot, but I've learned that there is a limit for everything! I felt bad, there is no hiding that, but it wasn't HOW I felt so much as how LONG it lasted! I have said from the beginning that my mental game gets me in everything, so when I anticipate rough days only lasting 4-5 days and on day 8 or 9 there hasn't been any relief, I get in a bit of a"snit"(so called by my precious friend at church, Mrs. Crump). Seeing my frustrations, my oncologist agreed to reduce my dosage for treatment 4, and what a difference that made! I felt a new since of hope in being able to make it to the end!
Hope, is all any of us are really looking for right? Whether you are a believer in Christ or not, we all need hope. Its what gets us through the day. Once someone has lost hope, they have nothing.
A few weeks ago, my pastor came in during Sunday school and mentioned how he sure could have used my testimony in his sermon that he was about to preach. He was teaching about having hope through faith during hard times. I told him that I would be willing to share anytime, and I could do that on the fly. He asked if I would be willing to share in worship that morning, and I agreed right away. ( just so you know, that was God agreeing to that, because I am such an emotional person, I wasn't sure that I could actually stand there and get words out without sobbing through it all!)
So here was my moment, to share whatever I wanted about having hope through faith... what would I say? I could probably preach a whole sermon on that and I only had 3-4 minutes to share "hope in a nutshell"!
I knew what I needed to say, it was just that I needed to put it in a sequence that had the right flow. I talked about how God had been preparing me long before I knew it. I talked about Daniel 3 and those 3 fellas that were in the fiery furnace. And finally I talked about 3 things that I have learned.
1. God shows up every time. Many times we feel like God has abandoned us because we can't "hear" him. We put God in a box and we expect this big booming voice to come from the heavens and be so profound that we can't miss it. However, God is way more creative than that and doesn't communicate with me that way. He uses songs... like when I kept hearing "He knows my name" over and over in my head. He uses people, who say just the thing I need to hear at just the right time. And he uses situations...like when I went to the oncologist after round 3 and told him I was ready to quit and he told me he would back off the dosage. For many, it would be easy to give credit to the doctor, but I know that God gave him the wisdom to know how to receive some of my pain and stress. God used my doctor as a tool to give me comfort when He knew I was at my wits end!
2. Nothing surprises God. We so often get in a rut when things don't go our way. We question why and how we get in the situations we are in. We are surprised by circumstances that we never saw coming, but God isn't. He has planned out every second of our lives and every second counts! We are put here as witnesses to His goodness and grace. He holds all the pieces to the puzzle that we are, and one at a time He places the pieces where they go. As we see the pieces, we get frustrated because we don't know what the final picture is going to be. This is where we learn the biggest lesson in faith! We have to trust that no matter how we get there or what the outcome is, God is creating in us a masterpiece!
3. If there is a communication problem with God, the problem is on my end. God is constant, He never changes. We on the other hand change continuously! Our moods change, our thoughts change, our situations change... there isn't much constant about us at all. If I can't connect with God then I have to start looking and listening harder. The first way to do this is through praise and thanksgiving. This is important for 2 reasons: One, if I am praising Him then there is no time to feel sorry for myself and two, because by praising and thanking Him I change my mindset from negative to positive. Its hard to see how many things are working in my favor when a few things aren't going the way I planned. It takes a lot of positives to outweigh just one negative. So, if I begin looking for ways that God is working for me, then I change my whole attitude.
The day after my testimony, I had treatment #4...and God showed mercy on me. That week we also went to the Rock & Worship Roadshow and saw one of our favorite bands, Crowder. It was an awesome night of praise as I stood there with Corey, the girls, Clay, and Clayton, singing at the top of our lungs! But one song stuck out, I AM. In the chorus it says, "I am, holding on to you, I am, holding on to you. In the middle of the storm, I'm holding on, I am." As I stood there I realized I have made it past the eye of the storm and I am working my way across the backside. This storm, once seemingly too big to face, is about to pass! It promises to be rough until the end, but I am so glad He is holding onto me! Listen for yourself and let God speak to your heart! http://youtu.be/mw4ES27w3oU
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
The Holy Spirit
I know I am not blogging as fast as some of you might prefer, but I have my reasons. I have to be in my mojo when it comes to writing. I don't take it lightly. I have to make sure that it represents what is on my heart, that it reflects my beliefs, and that it will have a positive influence.
Anyways, as a short update, I am doing great and tomorrow is HALF WAY! My last treatment should be March 23, which used to seem like light years away, but not so much today!
My last treatment went well and I was able to manage my symptoms much better! They were not as strong, even though they stuck around about 2 days longer than before. I still get to have an awesome 3rd week though, where things are "old normal", so for that I am SUPER GRATEFUL!
The real thing that drove me to blog tonight was the message in church today. Our pastor talked extensively about the Holy Spirit. We studied Acts, when the Holy Spirit is presented and becomes a permanent part of salvation. For the past year or so I have heard lots of teaching about the Holy Spirit and even had an added appreciation for the Holy Spirit several years ago as I read The Shack.
People who are not believers don't understand the concept of the Holy Spirit, and probably think the rest of us are crazy! The on-lookers in Acts thought that those who had been affected by the Holy Spirit had been drinking too much wine! Well, as one who hasn't had any wine, or other adult beverage in at least 4 years, you can't blame my beliefs on that!
Today we were challenged to listen for the Holy Spirit through ourselves (that voice in your heart that tugs at you), through others, and through circumstances. I have been able to feel the Holy Spirit tug at me many times in the past, but since July, I can say that I have HEARD him speak to me directly. I cannot tell you how shocking and awesome it is! I want to share a few key times when I heard the Lord speak to me through the Holy Spirit.
Back in July when I finally went to the doctor and began the process of diagnosis, I wanted to believe that everything is going to turn out good. I will be healthy... Things like this show up all the time and it is nothing... People surrounding me tried help me remain positive, and believed that it would be nothing. This is what we are trained to do...be positive, never think of all the bad things that could happen, you can make yourself crazy if you let your mind to that. I wanted to be that positive person who could walk through each day knowing that tests were going to come back and it was going to be nothing, but something in my heart stopped that from happening. I knew from the very beginning that this was going to be something. I knew it because every time I tried to lean in that direction there was the thing in my heart saying "it is something, but just trust". Definitely not what you want to hear, however it was amazing the peace that I had. Given how my personality is, I should have been crying everyday, but I wasn't. I should have been in the bed feeling sorry for myself, but that never happened. I truly believe that Holy Spirit gave me what I needed, when I needed it.
Once I was diagnosed there was still a peace, but of course I had my moments where it all just became too overwhelming. I remember thinking one day, "why me". It wasn't a question that I had asked yet, and I knew that it was a whiney approach to dealing with my feelings at the time. But no sooner than I had finished thinking it, I heard a voice, clear as day say, "why not you?" And then it was laid on my heart that I am no better than anyone else that had gone before me and dealt with suffering. Why my friend who has fought cancer most of her life, and not me? Why my friend's son who had a kidney transplant at the age of 3, and not me? Why my friend's wife who needs a lung transplant that she isn't strong enough to receive, and not me? I am no different than all of these others, who's lives were turned upside down by suffering. Talk about a lesson in being humble! But I am so grateful for that lesson and for what I heard that day! It has changed how I see things in my journey, and hopefully it will have an impact on others by me sharing it.
The other time I clearly heard the Lord speak to me was the month before my surgery. Like I said, I had peace about everything for the most part, but we all have our moments. During that month, at random times thoughts would sneak in my head and I would get worried or scared. EVERY time one of those thoughts popped in my head these words chased them, "He knows my name". At first I couldn't figure out why I kept hearing this, but after a few days I heard the song, He Knows My Name, by Francesca Battistelli on the radio and it all made sense. From then on, when this lyric was in my head, I would trace my thoughts back and I would realize I had been worrying again. At that point, it became kind of funny! It's so stinking COOL how God uses the Holy Spirit to give us comfort, even when we don't realize we need it!
As I said at the beginning, my treatments have gone great, but everyday is not all sunshine and roses. I have my days that are tough, but I know in my heart, they could be so much worse! God prepared me for this journey many months before I took the first step on the path. He has provided me with the Holy Spirit, who walks ahead of me as a guide, beside me as a father and friend, and behind me so that he can whisper encouragement all along the way. As I reflect on how much God loves me to provide me with a direct connection to him, I am humbled, blessed, and in total awe. I don't understand people who can't see this goodness or want to be part of it. My heart aches for them because I don't know how they have a sense of purpose or any hope for tomorrow. My prayer is that by sharing my story, everyone who reads this will walk away with a magnified respect and unmatched desire for the Holy Spirit, which is a gift to us through eternal salvation!
Anyways, as a short update, I am doing great and tomorrow is HALF WAY! My last treatment should be March 23, which used to seem like light years away, but not so much today!
My last treatment went well and I was able to manage my symptoms much better! They were not as strong, even though they stuck around about 2 days longer than before. I still get to have an awesome 3rd week though, where things are "old normal", so for that I am SUPER GRATEFUL!
The real thing that drove me to blog tonight was the message in church today. Our pastor talked extensively about the Holy Spirit. We studied Acts, when the Holy Spirit is presented and becomes a permanent part of salvation. For the past year or so I have heard lots of teaching about the Holy Spirit and even had an added appreciation for the Holy Spirit several years ago as I read The Shack.
People who are not believers don't understand the concept of the Holy Spirit, and probably think the rest of us are crazy! The on-lookers in Acts thought that those who had been affected by the Holy Spirit had been drinking too much wine! Well, as one who hasn't had any wine, or other adult beverage in at least 4 years, you can't blame my beliefs on that!
Today we were challenged to listen for the Holy Spirit through ourselves (that voice in your heart that tugs at you), through others, and through circumstances. I have been able to feel the Holy Spirit tug at me many times in the past, but since July, I can say that I have HEARD him speak to me directly. I cannot tell you how shocking and awesome it is! I want to share a few key times when I heard the Lord speak to me through the Holy Spirit.
Back in July when I finally went to the doctor and began the process of diagnosis, I wanted to believe that everything is going to turn out good. I will be healthy... Things like this show up all the time and it is nothing... People surrounding me tried help me remain positive, and believed that it would be nothing. This is what we are trained to do...be positive, never think of all the bad things that could happen, you can make yourself crazy if you let your mind to that. I wanted to be that positive person who could walk through each day knowing that tests were going to come back and it was going to be nothing, but something in my heart stopped that from happening. I knew from the very beginning that this was going to be something. I knew it because every time I tried to lean in that direction there was the thing in my heart saying "it is something, but just trust". Definitely not what you want to hear, however it was amazing the peace that I had. Given how my personality is, I should have been crying everyday, but I wasn't. I should have been in the bed feeling sorry for myself, but that never happened. I truly believe that Holy Spirit gave me what I needed, when I needed it.
Once I was diagnosed there was still a peace, but of course I had my moments where it all just became too overwhelming. I remember thinking one day, "why me". It wasn't a question that I had asked yet, and I knew that it was a whiney approach to dealing with my feelings at the time. But no sooner than I had finished thinking it, I heard a voice, clear as day say, "why not you?" And then it was laid on my heart that I am no better than anyone else that had gone before me and dealt with suffering. Why my friend who has fought cancer most of her life, and not me? Why my friend's son who had a kidney transplant at the age of 3, and not me? Why my friend's wife who needs a lung transplant that she isn't strong enough to receive, and not me? I am no different than all of these others, who's lives were turned upside down by suffering. Talk about a lesson in being humble! But I am so grateful for that lesson and for what I heard that day! It has changed how I see things in my journey, and hopefully it will have an impact on others by me sharing it.
The other time I clearly heard the Lord speak to me was the month before my surgery. Like I said, I had peace about everything for the most part, but we all have our moments. During that month, at random times thoughts would sneak in my head and I would get worried or scared. EVERY time one of those thoughts popped in my head these words chased them, "He knows my name". At first I couldn't figure out why I kept hearing this, but after a few days I heard the song, He Knows My Name, by Francesca Battistelli on the radio and it all made sense. From then on, when this lyric was in my head, I would trace my thoughts back and I would realize I had been worrying again. At that point, it became kind of funny! It's so stinking COOL how God uses the Holy Spirit to give us comfort, even when we don't realize we need it!
As I said at the beginning, my treatments have gone great, but everyday is not all sunshine and roses. I have my days that are tough, but I know in my heart, they could be so much worse! God prepared me for this journey many months before I took the first step on the path. He has provided me with the Holy Spirit, who walks ahead of me as a guide, beside me as a father and friend, and behind me so that he can whisper encouragement all along the way. As I reflect on how much God loves me to provide me with a direct connection to him, I am humbled, blessed, and in total awe. I don't understand people who can't see this goodness or want to be part of it. My heart aches for them because I don't know how they have a sense of purpose or any hope for tomorrow. My prayer is that by sharing my story, everyone who reads this will walk away with a magnified respect and unmatched desire for the Holy Spirit, which is a gift to us through eternal salvation!
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Corey
Life with me is not easy. There is a lot to keep up with. Medicines, appointment times, treatment times, multiple doctors, notes from visits, not to mention the game of emotional roulette that gets played everyday. Some days we rock through all of this with no waves, but other days, it is rough!
I know that when we got married, we repeated vows that cover all of these things, but as you stand there and say them, you never imagine that you will have to live them out. You are young and invisible. Then one day you wake up and the game is on! Corey has lived out every one of those words he said to me 16 years ago. And he doesn't do it out of obligation, he does it out of love. Even when it is stressful, or will add frustration to his day, he puts me first. I know it, I can count on it, and I don't thank him enough for it!
Corey,
There is no way I could do this without you! You keep me grounded when my thoughts take flight, moving forward when I want to sit down and quit, and you hold me when I crumble. I'm sorry that you have to do all of this, but I am blessed and forever grateful that God put you on this journey with me! I don't have a lot to offer you, except to promise you that I will keep fighting. I will continue on the path God has put us on together, and trust in his plan for our lives.
Thank you for all you do each and every day! I truly hope that I will never have to repay you for all you have done, but know that if given the chance, I would a thousand times over!
I love you...more!
Monday, December 29, 2014
A Change at Christmas
So we all have memories of the perfect Christmas. As December rolls around the Christmas spirit creeps in and we start watching Christmas movies, looking forward to no school, and baking so many treats, there is no way anyone will eat them all. We all have an idea of what December should look like as we lead up to Christmas. Unfortunately, there are times when the ideas and plans that we envision about something, get changed. Change....we all hate it. If it didn't have 6 letters, it would be the worst 5 letter word you could think of!
For us the change wasn't just Christmas, its been the whole last 4 months. None of what we have done in the last 4 months was on our radar. But as Christmas began to roll in, and schedules for chemo treatments began to be made, we were soon fearful that even Christmas wouldn't be the same.
December started with me getting my port put in on the 1st. It was a small, quick, home-by-lunch surgery, but a surgery none the less. I went back to work the next day and worked all week. I was super tired, and on guard not to get hit or squeezed, but made it through the week fine.
The second week of December, was when chemo started. December 8. Despite my nervousness, I slept great.
One thing that was super important was that I get the right amount of numbing cream on my port at the right time so that it wouldn't hurt when they accessed it. Even a week after getting it put in, my port was still VERY sore. So the cream was essential!
We had to be there by 10am. Kim came over and rode with us, as she was going to be trained by Lizzy, the ColdCaps lady on how that would all work. Once we got there we realized, Mondays are a busy chemo day! We sat in the waiting area for about 40 minutes before they ever called us back. I began to worry that my numbing cream wasn't working, or it was going to wear off by the time we got started. We tried to ask the nurse about it and he popped off with a comment about how all my family was making me anxious and I would be fine. At this point the tears came, but just for a minute. He was wrong...my family wasn't doing anything to make me anxious! I was anxious because he was going to stick a needle into the most tender place on my body at that point and I wanted to know that it was going to be numb!(I'm yelling these words at him in my mind, just so you know!) So, we put more cream on and hoped for the best....and wished we were back at Baylor Waxahachie!
Now, I will say we overwhelmed the staff there when we came in with all of our bags, and blankets and our ice chest full of ChemoCaps! We were quite the spectacle! And, in their defense, it had not been properly communicated to this end of the building that we were coming with so much stuff and so many people! The chemo rules clearly state only 1 person can be in there with the patient, and I had 3:) They didn't like that much, but we all made some concessions and agreed to play nice, and worked it all out.
So they got my port going and started the drip and all was good. I didn't feel a thing. The ChemoCaps weren't bad either. The first one was super cold and gave me a headache but only for a minute or 2. The worst part about those are the strap that has to go under your chin to cinch it down. Now the rest of me was super cold, but I took my heated blanket and a fleece blanket to go over that, so I was just fine:) Im pretty sure everyone else in there thought I was CRAZY! One guy asked if I was getting my hair done...Why yes I was!
We were there until 4:00, a little longer the first day than other days will be. I never felt bad while getting the "poison" and I felt fine when I went home. I went to work the next day and worked all week. However by Thursday I started to feel the side effects. I was nauseated, even though I was taking Zofran, I had the chills, my body ached, I had no appetite, my tongue was numb, nothing had flavor and my insides just burned. Friday was mostly the same. Saturday, I didn't feel good when I got up but by about 2:00 we decided to go shopping. We over did it that day and stayed out until 11:00...bad idea! I had a meltdown when we got home because everything in my body hurt and burned. It was bad. I began to wonder if this was what the entire 18 weeks was going to be like! That's the thing about the first round, no one can tell you what is going to happen or how long it will last, because everyone is different. Sunday morning we got up and went to church, even though I still felt and looked like death! I went to bed worried about how I was going to make it through school the next day.
Monday I woke up a new person! I felt good! I still didn't have much of an appetite but I could work around that! That day was the last day of school before Christmas break, and the beginning to each day getting better. I still had to go every Monday for my Herceptin, but that doesn't have the side effects Big chemo has.
By the time Christmas week rolled around I was feeling pretty normal and could savor spending time with family and celebrating the birth of the Savior who saves me every day! I was fortunate to get to teach our Sunday school lesson the week of Christmas. It was about change and how without change there would be no Christmas story. The lesson focused on Joseph and the change that he had to go through. Here was a young, teenage boy, legally engaged to a girl, who is pregnant. Joseph knows he isn't the father, so what is he to believe? In this day, it would be reason to have Mary Stoned to her death. But God sends an angel to assure Joseph that Mary has been faithful and to tell him the Good News! Joseph was going to be the father of Jesus Christ, who would save the entire world from their sins! But I'm guessing he was still a little stressed out and overwhelmed by this news. I have a feeling that he still second guessed, and wondered why him?!
But Joseph believed the message that God sent, and followed the plan laid out for him. Even though there were hard days ahead, Joseph trusted that each day God was going to show up and lead the way.
As we deal with our own daily changes(big and small), We have a choice to make. We can doubt, be mad, and wallow in our pity and pain, or we can have the trust of Joseph, that God will show up each day with His perfect plan. I choose to find comfort in this change so many years ago, that inconvenienced many people, yet occurred so that we could be forgiven, saved, and promised an eternity with the One who started it all! My prayer is that you can too!
For us the change wasn't just Christmas, its been the whole last 4 months. None of what we have done in the last 4 months was on our radar. But as Christmas began to roll in, and schedules for chemo treatments began to be made, we were soon fearful that even Christmas wouldn't be the same.
December started with me getting my port put in on the 1st. It was a small, quick, home-by-lunch surgery, but a surgery none the less. I went back to work the next day and worked all week. I was super tired, and on guard not to get hit or squeezed, but made it through the week fine.
The second week of December, was when chemo started. December 8. Despite my nervousness, I slept great.
One thing that was super important was that I get the right amount of numbing cream on my port at the right time so that it wouldn't hurt when they accessed it. Even a week after getting it put in, my port was still VERY sore. So the cream was essential!
We had to be there by 10am. Kim came over and rode with us, as she was going to be trained by Lizzy, the ColdCaps lady on how that would all work. Once we got there we realized, Mondays are a busy chemo day! We sat in the waiting area for about 40 minutes before they ever called us back. I began to worry that my numbing cream wasn't working, or it was going to wear off by the time we got started. We tried to ask the nurse about it and he popped off with a comment about how all my family was making me anxious and I would be fine. At this point the tears came, but just for a minute. He was wrong...my family wasn't doing anything to make me anxious! I was anxious because he was going to stick a needle into the most tender place on my body at that point and I wanted to know that it was going to be numb!(I'm yelling these words at him in my mind, just so you know!) So, we put more cream on and hoped for the best....and wished we were back at Baylor Waxahachie!
Now, I will say we overwhelmed the staff there when we came in with all of our bags, and blankets and our ice chest full of ChemoCaps! We were quite the spectacle! And, in their defense, it had not been properly communicated to this end of the building that we were coming with so much stuff and so many people! The chemo rules clearly state only 1 person can be in there with the patient, and I had 3:) They didn't like that much, but we all made some concessions and agreed to play nice, and worked it all out.
So they got my port going and started the drip and all was good. I didn't feel a thing. The ChemoCaps weren't bad either. The first one was super cold and gave me a headache but only for a minute or 2. The worst part about those are the strap that has to go under your chin to cinch it down. Now the rest of me was super cold, but I took my heated blanket and a fleece blanket to go over that, so I was just fine:) Im pretty sure everyone else in there thought I was CRAZY! One guy asked if I was getting my hair done...Why yes I was!
We were there until 4:00, a little longer the first day than other days will be. I never felt bad while getting the "poison" and I felt fine when I went home. I went to work the next day and worked all week. However by Thursday I started to feel the side effects. I was nauseated, even though I was taking Zofran, I had the chills, my body ached, I had no appetite, my tongue was numb, nothing had flavor and my insides just burned. Friday was mostly the same. Saturday, I didn't feel good when I got up but by about 2:00 we decided to go shopping. We over did it that day and stayed out until 11:00...bad idea! I had a meltdown when we got home because everything in my body hurt and burned. It was bad. I began to wonder if this was what the entire 18 weeks was going to be like! That's the thing about the first round, no one can tell you what is going to happen or how long it will last, because everyone is different. Sunday morning we got up and went to church, even though I still felt and looked like death! I went to bed worried about how I was going to make it through school the next day.
Monday I woke up a new person! I felt good! I still didn't have much of an appetite but I could work around that! That day was the last day of school before Christmas break, and the beginning to each day getting better. I still had to go every Monday for my Herceptin, but that doesn't have the side effects Big chemo has.
By the time Christmas week rolled around I was feeling pretty normal and could savor spending time with family and celebrating the birth of the Savior who saves me every day! I was fortunate to get to teach our Sunday school lesson the week of Christmas. It was about change and how without change there would be no Christmas story. The lesson focused on Joseph and the change that he had to go through. Here was a young, teenage boy, legally engaged to a girl, who is pregnant. Joseph knows he isn't the father, so what is he to believe? In this day, it would be reason to have Mary Stoned to her death. But God sends an angel to assure Joseph that Mary has been faithful and to tell him the Good News! Joseph was going to be the father of Jesus Christ, who would save the entire world from their sins! But I'm guessing he was still a little stressed out and overwhelmed by this news. I have a feeling that he still second guessed, and wondered why him?!
But Joseph believed the message that God sent, and followed the plan laid out for him. Even though there were hard days ahead, Joseph trusted that each day God was going to show up and lead the way.
As we deal with our own daily changes(big and small), We have a choice to make. We can doubt, be mad, and wallow in our pity and pain, or we can have the trust of Joseph, that God will show up each day with His perfect plan. I choose to find comfort in this change so many years ago, that inconvenienced many people, yet occurred so that we could be forgiven, saved, and promised an eternity with the One who started it all! My prayer is that you can too!
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Post Surgery Update
I have written about 5 posts and keep deleting them because i just can't get it where I want it to go. But I will try yet again, and hopefully it won't be a novel!
Surgery has come and gone. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, I felt like a truck had driven through my body, but overall I thought the pain would be much more intense than it was. That's not to say there wasn't, or isn't pain, but its just pressure, tightness, lack of mobility, and annoying pains. I only stayed in the hospital overnight and on prescription pain meds 1 day after coming home. I just couldn't handle feeling like I was coming in and out of the real world, so I switched to Advil and felt much better!
There were so many people at the hospital and at home during that first week. The hospital is a little foggy but I do remember all of the people who came by, sent flowers, or brought food. Then when we got home there were people here constantly. People dropping off food, or bringing baskets of goodies, or just coming to visit. It was overwhelming how many people stopped what they were doing to check on us or provide us with things to get us through the upcoming weeks. These people would be family, friends, church friends, college kids, and many others. Our family has never been so surrounded with love and prayer! We cherish each person who has sent a card, texted, emailed, called, stopped by, brought food or other stuff, picked up our kids, and especially prayed for us. There is no way that we could get through a single day without all of these people in our lives, that we continue to be blessed by!
So when I came home, I came with 4 drains attached to my sides. After the first week, I got 3 of them out. However, even today, 19 days later, I still have 1. There have been more tears shed over these stupid drains than any other part of this surgery, I think! There is nothing pleasant about them. They hurt, they are in the way, they are claustrophobic. I have been to the doctor twice, thinking I would come out drain-free, and have been let down both times. I keep telling Corey, there is a lesson that God is trying to teach me with this last drain, and I'm hoping to learn it soon! Maybe by the end of this week drains can be just a memory???
We went and saw the surgeon and the oncologist last week. They both spent lots of time going over the pathology of what they removed and the plan going forward. Hold on, cause it's A LOT!
The tumor itself was not considered to be that big, but there was a lot of surrounding tissue that was involved and had pre-cancerous cells in it. Also, they removed all of the lymph nodes under my right arm and 4/15 tested positive. That sounds pretty good, but just the fact that they were involved at all is no bueno. They staged me as a 3. Corey asked the oncologist if what they found was what they had anticipated and he said for the most part, however he was not expecting it to be in my lymph nodes.
So here is the plan... December 8th I will begin chemo. I will be given TCH, which is a 3 drug chemo combo. I will have this "big" chemo every 3 weeks for 18 weeks. It will take 3-4 hours. On the other weeks in between, I will have just the H part of the chemo, or "little" chemo. That will only take 1 hour or so. After I finish the 18 weeks of chemo, then I will have 6 1/2 weeks of radiation, while continuing the "little" chemo treatments. Radiation will be 5 days a week for about 20 minutes or so. I will also begin taking an estrogen blocker pill, which I will continue for at least 5 years. The kind of cancer cells that I had were estrogen positive, which means they attach themselves to estrogen and grow faster, so I have to block the estrogen in my body from getting anywhere. After, radiation I will continue the "little" chemo for a few more weeks, and then I can finish my reconstruction surgery. And now, take a moment to breathe! I told you it was a lot!
Many people have asked about me losing my hair. This is a big concern with the kids I work with at school. That's one of the first things they want to know. I was told about these caps that you can wear on the day of chemo that will help avoid losing your hair. The caps are kept in dry ice until you put them on, so they are SUPER cold! The cold temps constrict the the blood vessels in the scalp that would normally carry the chemo to the hair follicles, preventing it from affecting the hair. You can read more about it a www.chemocoldcaps.com. There aren't many who have heard of it, but we have friend who's cousin has used them and now works for the company, so we are going to try it and see how it works!
I guess that is about all we know for now. We continue to take things one day at a time and try to limit the overwhelmed feelings. Please continue to pray for us as we go through the months ahead. Pray for treatments to work, pray for comfort, pray for our relationship with God, pray for our witness to others, pray for our girls and the rest of our family.
As Thanksgiving approaches, even with all that is going on, we continue to be thankful for the blessings that we have. We are blessed to have family and friends who will come to our aide, we are blessed with doctors who have wisdom and experience that we don't, but mostly we are blessed to have a Holy Father, who loves us! He has orchestrated all of these parts...family, doctors, friends, plans, and put them together just for us, and for that we are eternally grateful!
Surgery has come and gone. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes, I felt like a truck had driven through my body, but overall I thought the pain would be much more intense than it was. That's not to say there wasn't, or isn't pain, but its just pressure, tightness, lack of mobility, and annoying pains. I only stayed in the hospital overnight and on prescription pain meds 1 day after coming home. I just couldn't handle feeling like I was coming in and out of the real world, so I switched to Advil and felt much better!
There were so many people at the hospital and at home during that first week. The hospital is a little foggy but I do remember all of the people who came by, sent flowers, or brought food. Then when we got home there were people here constantly. People dropping off food, or bringing baskets of goodies, or just coming to visit. It was overwhelming how many people stopped what they were doing to check on us or provide us with things to get us through the upcoming weeks. These people would be family, friends, church friends, college kids, and many others. Our family has never been so surrounded with love and prayer! We cherish each person who has sent a card, texted, emailed, called, stopped by, brought food or other stuff, picked up our kids, and especially prayed for us. There is no way that we could get through a single day without all of these people in our lives, that we continue to be blessed by!
So when I came home, I came with 4 drains attached to my sides. After the first week, I got 3 of them out. However, even today, 19 days later, I still have 1. There have been more tears shed over these stupid drains than any other part of this surgery, I think! There is nothing pleasant about them. They hurt, they are in the way, they are claustrophobic. I have been to the doctor twice, thinking I would come out drain-free, and have been let down both times. I keep telling Corey, there is a lesson that God is trying to teach me with this last drain, and I'm hoping to learn it soon! Maybe by the end of this week drains can be just a memory???
We went and saw the surgeon and the oncologist last week. They both spent lots of time going over the pathology of what they removed and the plan going forward. Hold on, cause it's A LOT!
The tumor itself was not considered to be that big, but there was a lot of surrounding tissue that was involved and had pre-cancerous cells in it. Also, they removed all of the lymph nodes under my right arm and 4/15 tested positive. That sounds pretty good, but just the fact that they were involved at all is no bueno. They staged me as a 3. Corey asked the oncologist if what they found was what they had anticipated and he said for the most part, however he was not expecting it to be in my lymph nodes.
So here is the plan... December 8th I will begin chemo. I will be given TCH, which is a 3 drug chemo combo. I will have this "big" chemo every 3 weeks for 18 weeks. It will take 3-4 hours. On the other weeks in between, I will have just the H part of the chemo, or "little" chemo. That will only take 1 hour or so. After I finish the 18 weeks of chemo, then I will have 6 1/2 weeks of radiation, while continuing the "little" chemo treatments. Radiation will be 5 days a week for about 20 minutes or so. I will also begin taking an estrogen blocker pill, which I will continue for at least 5 years. The kind of cancer cells that I had were estrogen positive, which means they attach themselves to estrogen and grow faster, so I have to block the estrogen in my body from getting anywhere. After, radiation I will continue the "little" chemo for a few more weeks, and then I can finish my reconstruction surgery. And now, take a moment to breathe! I told you it was a lot!
Many people have asked about me losing my hair. This is a big concern with the kids I work with at school. That's one of the first things they want to know. I was told about these caps that you can wear on the day of chemo that will help avoid losing your hair. The caps are kept in dry ice until you put them on, so they are SUPER cold! The cold temps constrict the the blood vessels in the scalp that would normally carry the chemo to the hair follicles, preventing it from affecting the hair. You can read more about it a www.chemocoldcaps.com. There aren't many who have heard of it, but we have friend who's cousin has used them and now works for the company, so we are going to try it and see how it works!
I guess that is about all we know for now. We continue to take things one day at a time and try to limit the overwhelmed feelings. Please continue to pray for us as we go through the months ahead. Pray for treatments to work, pray for comfort, pray for our relationship with God, pray for our witness to others, pray for our girls and the rest of our family.
As Thanksgiving approaches, even with all that is going on, we continue to be thankful for the blessings that we have. We are blessed to have family and friends who will come to our aide, we are blessed with doctors who have wisdom and experience that we don't, but mostly we are blessed to have a Holy Father, who loves us! He has orchestrated all of these parts...family, doctors, friends, plans, and put them together just for us, and for that we are eternally grateful!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
You Make Me Brave
I stand before You now
The greatness of Your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of You
King of Heaven in humility, I bow
As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way
For all to enter in
I have heard You call my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So, I will let You draw me beyond the shore
Into Your grace, Your grace
As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way
For all to enter in
You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
The love that made a way
You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
The promises You've made
As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way
For all to enter in
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/bethel-music/you-make-me-brave-lyrics/#vsfzhxAVgPqIsLSb.99
The greatness of Your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of You
King of Heaven in humility, I bow
As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way
For all to enter in
I have heard You call my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So, I will let You draw me beyond the shore
Into Your grace, Your grace
As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way
For all to enter in
You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
The love that made a way
You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shore
Into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
The promises You've made
As Your love
In wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You've made a way
For all to enter in
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/bethel-music/you-make-me-brave-lyrics/#vsfzhxAVgPqIsLSb.99
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
We have a date!
So October 30th, 7:30 am is the date and time that I will have surgery. Its a bittersweet moment when it gets put on the schedule for real. We were a little disappointed that it wasn't sooner, but I think I may need a few weeks to let it all soak in and be ready. We will also be able to follow through on many commitments we have between now and then, rather than backing out.
I will be in the hospital a few days and then home recovering for a few weeks. The main concern, or prayer request right now is that I come home quickly. Corey will be leaving on November 4th for a business trip and we both will be more at peace if I can be home for a few days prior to his leaving. My parents will be here, but it will obviously be hard for Corey and I both to be a part for a few days so soon after surgery.
Thanks for all of your continued prayers and support! That's all for now...
I will be in the hospital a few days and then home recovering for a few weeks. The main concern, or prayer request right now is that I come home quickly. Corey will be leaving on November 4th for a business trip and we both will be more at peace if I can be home for a few days prior to his leaving. My parents will be here, but it will obviously be hard for Corey and I both to be a part for a few days so soon after surgery.
Thanks for all of your continued prayers and support! That's all for now...
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