I swear she cleans up nice.
And now it's time for my favorite segment..........
Really?! With Shannon Cobb
What follows are actual conversations I have had with actual people. Nothing has been changed other than me adding what I wish I could have said.
Caller: Hello, my friend is in jail. Can you tell me when he sees the judge?
Me: Sure, what is his name?
Caller: I don't know, I just met him last night.
Really?! You just met this person LAST NIGHT and not only did he wind up getting himself arrested but you neglected to remember his name? Seriously?! Maybe it's time to stop messing around and find yourself some real friends. The further from Purgatory Correctional Facility the better!
Caller: Hi, I was supposed to show up for court today but I ran the marathon and my legs hurt so I didn't come in. What do I do?
Really?! You knew you had court today and yet you ran 26.5 miles all the while knowing that the next day you might possibly have a leg cramp. Seriously!? If all it takes to get out of life's responsibilities is to run a marathon, sign me up! Training begins tomorrow!
Caller: I just got arrested for possession of illegal weapons and I need to find out how to get my guns back. Can you transfer me to the gun department?
Really?! The gun department? Please hold while I transfer you. Seriously?! If you're illegally possessing a weapon, chances are that even if the "gun department" existed, they took your weapons for a reason. I'm just saying.
Caller: Hi, I sodomized somebody. Can you tell me when my court date is?
Really?! As if that information needed to be disseminated for the world to know. Hi, I have genital herpes! Would you like to be my friend? NOT NEEDED. Seriously?! Keep is simple. No one needs to know the sordid details of your life, especially without asking.
And it doesn't stop there. I've had men ask for my number while filing their divorce papers.
Really?! Give it a month!
Ask me to look up another girl's phone number who they saw in the lobby while filing their divorce papers.
Seriously! Give it a month!
And my most personal favorite - someone objecting to their divorce petition because apparently having "rock star" sex fixes all problems.
If only!
Really?! people REALLY?!
