I feel so difficult to people these days. To head to a club I am so hesitant. My immediate worries will eventually start to flow like a river in my head. I always worry on my finances. I always worry on my outfits. I always worry if I don't fit in the group of whoever. I always feel that someone else needs to be there with me instead of just the clique who called me to go.
I don't know why but I just stopped myself from going to clubs. I just feel that I rather be at home or being out somewhere else with people I am comfortable with like my family, my cuzzies and probably, if they are still around, friend or friends.
Another problem is, I lately got kinda emo about some things in life.
Mom was leaving for Jakz today. Apparently no one was around except me. So I followed Mum to the airport. She checked in, had some bites and proceeded for boarding. After giving my goodbye kisses, seeing her walk towards her gate gave some heaviness at my heart. When she dissappeared into the walkway towards her gate, I just turned around and realise that tears were flowing from my eyes. I felt alone for a sudden. I just couldn't hold my emotion when I see her walk away. Well she is coming back this Sunday and I know I am just over-exaggerating about my feelings here. I guess I am the kind of person who just loves a Family Member too much and she will never tell the other party that she loves them.
In my heart, I wished I could follow her to Jakz. But then again, I told myself that it's back to reality and no fooling around when it comes to my life. This is the part I hate most in my adult life. I really wish I was young and studying again. I didn't need so much of responsibilities then. :P
To my little family in Jakarta, I miss you all. I can't wait for them to come back again. Especially the little one in our Family.
Leshawn Nishan Pillai, many miss you so much. I miss you more then them. No one knows how much I miss cleaning you up, feeding you, seeing you moving around in your pool of toys. I will never forget the moments of how I made you sit up and watch your MICKEY MOUSE shows. Dibo the Dragon was one of your favourites too. I got so addicted to the song till I even posted it on FB. I really wish I could carry you darling. I really miss you.
I am looking forward for Deepavali as this little mighty cute baby of the Nishans will be around. Technically I know I can't celebrate it super grandly due to my late uncle, N G Kutty, the ex journalist for the Malaysian and Local Papers.
Damn I got emo again. Haha. Well, I couldn't help it but to blog this. Just hope people do read my blog and give their views on my postings at my tagboard.
Ciaoz!
posted by ..BLaCkDiVa.. @ 12:53 AM
After 3 months of waiting,
Yey!!!
Enuff said.
posted by ..BLaCkDiVa.. @ 4:24 PM
Hello all.
Hmm..I guess I am trying hard on being regular on blogging.
I guess I have expressed a lot for the previous one. Man, when I read that after typing, I felt so old.
I don't know about you bloggers out there but, have you guys ever read your old posts? Meaning the ones right from how you started blogging and till now?
For those who have been blogging for more then 3 yrs or so, have you guys actually checked out the way of how we blog entries differ from then and now.
Well for me, I really see a vast metamorphasis in my way of blogging. I used to be super excited then. Like Yey! I am blogging! I hope people people see my blog and tag it!!! I was so god damn excited about it then. Posting pictures was like an 'IN' thing then. Like posting all kinds of stuff on almost every outing I went and all.
I still remember on how I actually posted something on clubbing in an english club for the first time with my cousins. If I am not wrong, it was MOS. Apparently, I do not see that club anymore. Something else has taken over. God knows how many years was that. But all I know is, it was like super happening then! All of us getting overly excited on the different rooms in that huge club. I still remember how excitely I posted on it. Even Gotham Episodes were posted with such enthusiam as it is one of our favourite RnB clubs till today. :P. Sad to say, it has been 2 yrs since I stepped into that place. Haha.
My method of blogging has actually changed over the years from excitement, to dull and then to a lil philosophical and topical. :) Oh Yeah! The blogskin's been changing as well. Mmm...well, personalize design by me I would say. :P
If you notice, I hardly post pictures or hardly blog regularly. Life has indeed changed a lot over the years. Worst Still, God knows how all my blog contacts went missing. I use to have all of their links and all just vanished! I somehow remembered some of my relatives' links and filled up a little bit on that vanished column.
Well for those who still have my link in your blogs and able to read this post, please do me the smallest favour ever by just letting me know your blog link. I will link you guys again!
Cheers All!
Well for those who still have my link in your blogs and able to read this post, please do me the smallest favour ever by just letting me know your blog link. I will link you guys again!
Cheers All!
posted by ..BLaCkDiVa.. @ 5:59 PM
