I cried and cried and cried so much today that I had a headache, swollen eyes and a jaw-ache(which i dunno how it occurred)...
i kept telling myself that i have to be strong.
but the reality is still that... he is never coming back..
last few days we were so busy, we don't really have the time to sit down and think about it.
but today, while we were going through the ceremony, even before the ceremony started, we were all crying away. tears rolling down the cheeks, sobz everywhere.
We can't help it.
Because today, it finally really sets in, that...
He is really gone. He is not coming back ever.
My Ah Gong is eighty-one years old. He was supposed to celebrate his eighty-secondth birthday today with all of us. But, instead, we were sending him for cremation.
These few days I will still be busy with some matters. But from thurs onwards, i think, i should be free-er.
I don't mind going to JP or IMM for a small dinner or lunch. :)
...
Had to distract myself...
I'm still looking for you.
Because I'm gonna be lazy and just paste whatever I've written at my dA account over here... Comparing
clara's journal/blog entries and mine, you will see quite a number of similar entries. Because we often cosplayed together or do things tgt...
However the most recent entries... how I wish things would be different...
My ah gong has gone to a better place this morning. And due to my gastric flu, I didn't even get to see him the past two days. I didn't even get to see him this morning...Now I'm feeling much better, and he's already gone.
I curse the blasted doctors. What's up with the doctors anyway? I don't care if it is their profession to be "honest". But by telling the patient that his children do not want to save him because we do not want to put the breathing tube back into his lungs, is definitely too much!He was clearly suffering and was very uncomfortable with the tube that they had to make him sleep it through. So everyone decided to not put the tube back in when he has another attack. And this stupid doctor went and told my ah gong that we do not want to save him.
what the hell?! Seriously!
That time at SGH also... My ah gong had... ahhh... my ah gong had diabetes, and his toes were infected, so one of the doc said must amputate the limb. But one of my aunts is a nurse, thus she knows that there's another way to make it better. So we at that time, didn't agree to the amputation (coz it's from the knees down, if i'm not wrong)Then this ang moh doc went and told my ah gong that his daughter (another aunt) did not want to save him. My aunt literally cried there.
Gosh... cold-blooded people.
.
.
.
.
I guess we can't fight Death.
At least he won't be suffering anymore.
My only regret is that I wasn't able to be there for the past few days.
I'm still looking for you.
I'm blogging after so long. And it's not gonna be a happy entry.
My grandfather was in the ICU on Friday morning. He had a heart attack and was having difficulty breathing. So they had to ran a tube in, to help him breathe. He was restrained also, to avoid him from trying to pull the tube out. They had to inject him with something to let him sleep it off too, coz it's too damn uncomfortable to have something down ur throat/windpipe.
News came in this morning that they had the tube removed and see if my grandfather can breathe on his own. And if possible, can move him to a normal ward.
However in the afternoon, news came again and my parents rushed down again.
Decision has been made.
We are not going to put the tube back in. We are just going to move him to a normal ward, let him eat whatever he wants and do whatever he wants...
It's just a matter of time left... Because if the next attack comes, we are letting him go.
Everyone will die one day... It's the knowledge of knowing that someone's dying soon and you can't do anything to help, that is killing us.
My 2nd aunt must have felt worst. She's a nurse. I think she's thinking that she IS a nurse, yet she couldn't do anything for her father.
...So... I'll be quite emotional these days... so ya... haaa.....
I'm still looking for you.
I've been slacking for so long...
Akibanana is having a boot camp again... Arghhh... Now I'm wondering if I should go for it... But, like... I don't know la... Die liao... *stabs myself*
I am a little not looking forward to the shoot this Saturday, but I want to get it over and done with too. This shoot got me thinking about a lot of things...
Haaa... I think I shall not organize a big cosplay group again, especially when it's something like Angel Sanctuary (complicated series).
Upcoming events:
AFA X [13th and 14th Nov]
@ Suntec Convention Halls
$15 for one-day admission; $25 for both days admission
STGCC [10th to 12th Dec]
@ Suntec (Unconfirmed)
EOY [12th Dec]
@ Republic Polytechnic (yesh, it's the rumour came true!!)
I'm still looking for you.
