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Hello Sexy People,

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http://www.sexyfoodtherapy.com/

Crazy

Pulling up a stool at the Holt Renfrew cafe, I reached for my Voss bottle of sparkling water and struggled to open it. Cranking on it and looking constipated while doing it, I forced it until the cap came off and water shot at me like water coming out of a fireman's hose. There surrounded by young girls in their Coach printed rainboots, I was covered in a $5 bottle of sparkling water...without the sparkles. Grumbling and eating my $20 plate of food, I decided I needed some sweet love and indulged in a little chocolate truffle filled with cherry liqueur. Everything would be okay now...

Still so much to do before my soft launch of the site, that I was beginning to feel panicked. But I had chocolate and oooh...a very cute Mr.Potential coming my way...helllllo. Looking straight at him, walking in slow-mo like the movies...

[Melissa's hair begins to blow in the wind like Beyonce on stage]

...I raised my eye brow, smiled slightly and bit into my truffle...which then proceeded to explode sticky liqueur all over my hands and top...and not in a sexy way. DAMN IT.

[Slow-mo stops and cute Mr. Potential raises his eyebrow as though to think, weirdo, looks the other way and walks right on by]

**sigh**

Alright, so maybe I'm crazy or maybe my energy is just all over the place. One minute I'm sensitive and tearing up over the World Cup Soccer song and the next I'm doing something that isn't right...facebook snooping. Oh don't shake your finger at me, you've done it too. Honestly, the intention was to simply say hello to Mr.Bling, but then I saw it...party photos with him being upclose and personal with a female accessory. Now I knew this was never going to be anything serious, but somehow, it kind of stung.

Then e-mails came pouring through from my web developer telling me they're having techy issues with the site. Not my problem, make this go away damn it. Okay, I'm freaking and acting a little crazy. My liver Qi must be stuck. Which means, that nothing is flowing, it's impeded and stagnant and frustration and irritability has developed. I needed green food to move out that irritated, stuck little liver qi. So I did what I knew I had to do...I whipped up a Sexy Food Therapy classic, the Sexy Green Connection...

...turned on some Michael Jackson and danced it out.

I danced out all my frustrations and sung out loud flapping my arms in the air and shook my head from side to side with no rhyme or reason. I danced out feeling lonely, the embarassing mishaps of the last day...er...week, um okay, my entire life and the photos of Mr. Bling's female bling and said...to hell with it.

I'm a klutz, true. But maybe someday I'll find someone that will think it's rather charming. Yes, I get frustrated, but I have my food and some booty shaking love to get things moving when I feel stuck. And lastly, I realize that my friend was right when he said, we all might feel lonely at times Melissa, but we wouldn't know ourselves without it.

And damn it...he was right.

Goodnight and good morning.

Uh oh...

Okay, so I think my body is pissed off at me. I can hear my organs yelling at me like an out of tune, broken symphony. Today I barely even got out of bed, didn't bother with makeup and went straight to work. Yes, I know, I look tired. Which really means, you look like shit. Ya, I get it, I know. But then the sneezes came and then a tickle in my throat. My body is trying to make me stop and slow down even if it means making me sneeze three times in a row so hard I almost pull my back out. No, this can't be happening...uh oh.

So I'm on high alert and decided I was going to kick things up a notch and take some garlic pills. Garlic is warming, kills the bad guys and leaves the good (rare with natural antibiotics). So I took them...and a lot of them...I mean WAY beyond the recommended dose. I'm desperate, I'm tired and I'm not thinking straight when I took twelve in a six hour time span...on an empty stomach. I now reek of garlic and not only repel vampires but I'm concerned that Mr. Bling might be able to smell me from Belgium. Is this an example of why I'm still single? All I smell is garlic, I taste it in my mouth and deep within my gums and I tell ya, that I'm sure my pores are screaming in horror as garlic essence squeezes out of them. Plus my trumpet playing toots are criminal and I'm pretty sure if my walls could talk, they'd scream, but for now they contract in disgust that I swear I can hear a whimper coming from them. This is not pleasant folks. I know, too much info, right? But just like you, I'm not perfect, I have unsexy moments and probably have more embarrassing ones that most.

I'm also sipping on a crazy yummy tea blend from Tea Emporium called, Ayurveda Vata Organic which contains: cinnamon, cloves, licorice, ginger, cardamon, juniper berries, dandelion root, coriander seeds, golden seal, parsley and sage. It contains some pretty powerful antioxidant herbs in there and is exactly the kind of warming tea that is perfect for times like these. Plus, it flushes the garlic taste out of my mouth...thank God.

But just a word of advice, if you are sick, don't buy yourself immune compounds. Most of them on the market are meant to prevent, tonify and build the system. But when a cold invades the body, it tonifies and builds the cold. In other words, it gives it muscles, which is why many people stay sick for weeks.

Instead, saturate your body with vitamin C three times daily, lots of warm fluids and sweat that bad boy out. Lots of rest too...um ya...about that.

Just a couple more days and then I can relax and have some much needed quality alone time. I'm planning another hot date with myself of going to the movies, spending hours at the bookstore, sipping on tea somewhere, getting a massage, plus a mani and pedi. Oh ya, I deserve it alright.

It's 1:36am and my eye push ups are getting weaker by the second. So I'm off my sexy readers. Stay tuned, your new Sexy Food Therapy site is almost ready to launch.

As for now, I'm hoping I won't suffocate myself in my own garlic stench. Yes, I'm stinky and I am garlic...now hear me roar...or hold your nose and run for your life before you pass out.

Goodnight and good morning.

This is how my brain looks like...

...on zero sleep. No joke, it's complete mush. It's not even well done (how I like it), but rather that drippy, zero consistency, runny egg slop you get at bad hotels and on airplanes. So when I woke up late for the umpteenth time this week, I raced to Starbucks and got myself a cinnamon spiced latte and a banana chocolate chip slice of bread. Yes it was an unsexy food morning. Usually even when I'm in a rush, I'll make time for a little green smoothie morning love, but not this morning. I was brutally late and I was sporting an Afro. It was only until I got to my car that I really messed up. Note to self: never and I mean never, put your cinnamon spiced latte on the icy roof of your car, since it just might slide off and pour out all its contents all over the side door. There with chunks of cinnamon that hadn't dissolved yet in my latte, was poor Jane Honda who looked like she had puked on herself.

And just when you think that driving a pukey looking Jane Honda (which by the way was freezing over) was embarrassing enough, it got worse. Finally, I arrived at the printers which is when I realized I had a large chocolate smear on my face. Thank you Mr. Printer Man for pointing that out and no, that wasn't shit on my face.

While my klutziness is great material, it also makes me look like an asshole. Sorry, the lack of sleep is rendering a trucker's mouth here. So I decided today that I would not work on the site. I would simply write my t.o.night newspaper column for Monday's print run and the Sexy Food Therapy entry. Then I would assemble the 150 goodie bag items while watching a flick and maybe do one of those facial masks...just for shits and giggles.

So after getting a tub of 12,000 year old mineral-rich decomposed, vegetable and mud, I thought I'd go for it. Please take a look below at the photo of me before my transformation back to into my early 20's.

However, typing away my column, I began to feel it...the tingle.

Wait.

[Freeze frame]

Noxema talked about the tingle. This is good, right? Then why does my face feel like it's burning?

Washing my face with cold water, I slowly lifted my head from the sink and looked into the mirror (picture a slow-mo here folks...it adds to the drama and suspense).

RED.

And I don't mean just any red...but the way Samantha looked like on that Sex in the City episode when she got a chemical peel red. No, I did not look 10 years younger. I looked RED!!! And no, I didn't snap a photo thank you.

Rinse again with cold water Melissa...and again...and again. In fact open the bloody freezer, stick your head in there like a horror flick and come back for it later.

Dear God.

Speaking of God, I do believe God is a woman because tonight she answered everyone of my vanity prayers and the redness was eventually gone...in exchange for less swearing and more praying.

After the day and week I've had, I was exhausted. Looking at a box filled with samples and postcard ads that I printed, I knew I had to stay awake...just a little longer. So I grabbed an old saviour of mine...Chocolate Matcha Love in Cup. While there's relaxing magnesium in chocolate, there's also the caffeinated perk of matcha. With my nerves a little shot, I was soothed by the naturally occurring L-theanine that's found in matcha. This amino acid helps to put the brain in a calm alpha wave state. EXACTLY what I needed.

Alright, as much as I'd love to gab, I have 150 samples to construct and judging by the smoky under eye look I'm taking on, it's best if I can hit the midnight mark for beddy-bye. No it's still not the desired pm time of the evening...but I'm getting there...I really am getting there.

You just wait.

Goodnight and morning.

My shnazzy sexy invite

Okay, so I know it's super small, but click on the image to expand it so you can get all the deets! Oh ya baby, check it out. While I know I still have quite the journey ahead of me, I do believe that a part of it is finally coming together. Alright, my fabulous evening of working on the site was brought to me by, Fleetwood Mac, the Rumours album. That and paired with some lovely Roobois chai tea...I was in heaven. Got to love when certain herbs like Rooibos are filled with magnesium to relax and soothe just in time for bed.

Oh and before I forget! Since the above is a jpeg and you can't exactly hyperlink it, I've attached a quick and easy link to buy tickets from The Women's Post. Only 10 buckaroos folks, why the heck not?!

Yesssss...it's before 3am and actually not even 2am! Damn, I think I'm getting better at this sleep thing.

Goodnight & good morning!

These little hats of mine, I'm gonna let em' shine

I've recently divorced my flat iron and my blowdryer...okay, well maybe it's more of a separation, but I've made new friends with an array of hats I own. Baseball cap? Sporty Mel. Kangol tweed hat with hoop earrings? Hip-hop girly Mel. Okay, who am I kidding? It's hiding my out of control, greasy hair where my cow lick has taken over because it hasn't been tamed in a while. But I'm trying to make myself feel better. So I've made a game out of it. These are my thinking hats, they give me special powers and bring out my inner superwoman. Oh ya, I'm powerful damn it. I wear a multitude of hats every day just like many other women. I'm a daughter, sister, best friend, practitioner and a spiritual being trying to have a human experience. Yep, c'est moi.

So today when I viewed my media kit video at Le Gourmand in midtown Toronto, my MAC ball cap transformed me into creative Mel. Wrapped in big head phones, sipping on my winter green slurpie, I sat attentively watching and was absolutely...blown away. Sitting across from me were Koula and Hernan, probably the most hard working people who have supported and believed in me since they met me back in May of last year. When asked what I could do to repay them for doing all this editing and shooting for me (for free), they replied, just keep going Melissa, don't stop what you're doing.

When I phoned my sister late this evening to quickly edit my bio for my 2-sided flyer because my brain is scrambled eggs, she immediately did so without question. And the other day when I wore my Kangol tweed hat and likely drove my web designer, Kevin Hester insane with my neurosis, he didn't get snippy, he just did the work and at times proved me wrong.

And when I was driving home a couple nights ago feeling completely sorry for myself, wearing a bandanna around my greasy head (this is my country bumpkin look, cus I sport a braid to boot), I received the most amazing text ever from my best friend, Dutchy:

I'd like to tell you something for what it's worth: I'm proud of you for what you're doing and putting yourself first and it's great that you have such a good attitude with Mr. Bling. You're awesome girl!

Maybe it's because I haven't had much sleep, but I swear I almost cried because it touched me. Mr. Bling who I think is ah-mazing, has to take the back burner for now, because this Missy is in the driver's seat.

This wasn't the only message I've received. I got several more from readers who commented on the last entry and on the Sexy Food Therapy Facebook fan page. So as much as I pout when I'm feeling sucky, I turn to my green slurpies, my sexy nigiri balls, my Sexy Green Connection salad or my favourite dessert, my Sexy Chocolate Avocado Pudding. God damn I love you. Whew, is it hot in here or is it just me?

SEXY CHOCOLATE AVOCADO PUDDING

1 avocado

1/4 cup coconut milk (Thai Cuisine - organic and full fat)

3-4 tbsp Cocoa Camino powder

Agave nectar to sweeten as desired

Pinch of sea salt (to bring out the sweet)

Mix everything in a mini blender and top with berries or eat as is.

I like to spoon this bad boy into a chilled wine glass...it makes me feel special. I'll have it on my desk when I'm writing and when I'm done, I'll swirl my finger around the edges and get every last bit. Merrrrcy me.

Now I always get asked about this recipe and if it's going to make people fat. Um no, fat doesn't make you fat. In balance, you need fat. Coconut milk is actually a good fat that draws nutrients into the cells. In Chinese Medicine it tonifies the heart and along with avocado, it soothes and calms a racing mind. And trust me, my bowling ball head has been racing with every creative thought imaginable.

Ya, I love food and during these tough times, it loves me right back and keeps me a float. If I ate the boxed Frankenfood shit, I swear I'd sink right now. I also love my family, friends and fans. So, bear with me now because I'm going to sound like I'm a beauty pageant winner on stage fanning her face as she bawls this out:

Thank you, thank you and thank you for supporting me and believing in me when I haven't in myself. For sending me messages of love and encouragement through a very tough 2009. For keeping me grounded, for making me laugh, for giving me a hand when the two I have aren't enough. You all make such a difference in my life more than you know and really, I have no idea how to even begin to repay you. Um...create world peace maybe?

In all honesty, my hat(s) goes off to you.

Okay, it's not exactly 1am or the desired pm time of the evening, but booyah! it's before 3am.

Goodnight and good morning.

One big suck.

Please see above a photo of me at my finest moment. Yes, I was a pouter and damn good at it. However, this doesn't exactly work for me anymore. Especially when I don't have the time to try and pull off one of these bad ass looks. Speaking of lacking time, take this morning for example. With chocolate and sexy nigiri rice balls packed in my purse, I quickly grabbed my winter green slurpie from the counter top this morning and rushed out with mascara only on one eye (I did the other eye while driving Jane Honda...she didn't mind). I wore a hat to hide my disgusting greasy head, two completely different coloured socks and managed to trip over my flat iron cord which I left lying around since yesterday. Late again, I fumbled with my car keys in the cold air which froze the snot in my nose and made my one mascara eye water. Despite this morning's blah, I actually have a lot to be excited about with the new site launching in only 8 days. I find myself hitting my goals slowly (**pew pew**) but can't help to feel sad when I don't have someone special to root me on and support me through this. So feeling a little sorry for myself, I did the one thing you should never do...contact the ex's.

No, no...don't get me wrong, I didn't contact the ex's for that, I did it for some emotional support from the opposite sex. Don't ask me what I was thinking - clearly, with a lack of sleep, thinking is the last thing I'm doing these days. Instead I received cold shoulders, the brief, glad things are going well for you, gotta go Mel, or attention from certain ex's I still didn't feel anything for. And yes, I contacted more than one even though I realized that it would be the least nourishing part of my day. Am I a complete masochist? I'll admit, I'm tired, lonely and feeling like one big suck.

So it's 12:24am this evening and with a little pitter patter in my heart and a little teary-eyed, I've decided to call it an early night versus the usual 3:30, 4am. So 1am it is! Hey, it's an improvement. So to cradle my little wounded ego, I'm sipping on some warm oat milk since dairy makes this kitten look and feel bloated and so not sexy.

SEXY CINNAMON & VANILLA OAT MILK

1 cup water

1 scoop St. Francis Mineral Matrix

1/4 cup oats

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 tsp ground cinnamon

1-2 packages stevia (or to taste)

Blend together, pour into a pot, bring to a boil and serve.

I love St. Francis' Mineral Matrix, especially on cold nights. The minerals are extracted from goat whey and while you might be completely turned off, don't be. This product is not goaty...it's downright tasty. This whole food form of goat whey is incredibly alkaline and contains high amounts of potassium and magnesium which help to reduce stress and bring about a sense of calm. Minerals are our building blocks and without them, we feel fatigued amongst other health problems. Plus blended with oat milk (which costs pennies a glass), this bad boy goes straight into the heart meridian that honestly is a little tender for me these days.

Sipping on my little cup of milky love, I decided to do something that I knew would make me feel better. So reaching out to a person I've known the longest, I contacted Jenni. Writing her an e-mail of thanks and sending her love was the best way I could have ended today. Because sometimes, when it's hard to find love in ourselves, its a heck of a lot easier to write to someone and tell them just how much you love them. At least it always makes me feel good and more nourished than any ex could ever bring. After all, they're ex's for a reason.

Eek...1:13am. I'm late for this evening's dream episode filled with chocolate pools reflecting the stars from the sky that I can almost reach out and touch. Suddenly the world grows quiet as though to whisper in my ear like a lover and say, shhhhhh the day is done.

Goodnight and good morning.