i cannot be with you ..
that still hurts ..

most of the time you don't start the conversation at all ..
that hurts when it's getting very obvious ..

you're treating me as a person whom you obviously don't want to see, don't want to talk to, don't want anything from ..
why .. ?
what did i do .. ?

maybe the reason it hurts so much is because i'm weak ..

..

..

if that's the .. case..
how do i become strong .. ?
..
how .. ?



..

but it's ok .. i'll deal with it..
it's very pleasant when you care about me .. ^^
jus treat me whatever way you want ..
i have to live with it, don't i ..
jus .. don't ask me to get lost .. pls ..
that *will* NOT be doing me any good at all ..

..

..


the thought of work at PSA
seems so ..
..
..
difficult now ..
..
wtf
i'm a emotional wreck most of the time
i'm a useless mofo ..
what a useless person ..
but i still have to do my work..
cos it's expected of me..
and i won't fail in that aspect..
never
ever..

..



..



Tom Clancy: Without Remorse
-
i jus returned it today
toa payoh community library
nice book
very nice
read this before you read Tom Clancy: Rainbow Six
*thumbs up to both of those books*

..

Tom Clancy is a great author ..
other than The Bear and The Dragon, i like all his books
i have read more than 10 of those..
no .. the first Splinter Cell is not written by him..

i feel like John Kelly .. so much ..
he lost things
i lost things too
but he has the will and ability to .. take control of his life .. to do things that should be done..
i do not have that..
my life is such an uncohesive mess of events
and i don't understand anything at all ..
it's jus a confusing and painful mess..
do i deserve it?
is God trying to tell me that i will never attain what i want .. ? what i need .. ?
jgjm..
i like basketball
i want to play street ball ..
but my left wrist had to get so fucked up, i can't even bounce the ball anymore..
that is like .. so sad.. what's the point of being able to do 10 chin ups, but u can't even bounce a fucking ball
i joined track and field in poly ..
they told me 400m/800m is like two of the hardest events
i took the challenge
i trained
i began to like running
sprinting
beginning of year 2
i got injured
i thought it was nothing
after a while
my right knee burnt ..
one total big mess of burning nerves in my knee
i went for x ray
both my knees are worn out
the doctor told me to give up on sprinting..
i cried outside the hospital
..
i can never get the things that i want
can i
the things that i need
the things that i want
jgjm..
i like her..
..
but ..
i'm worse than a stranger to her
it hurts ok?
..
i don't understand her ..
i really don't
..
i'm so useless
all i do
is ..
to whine and complain
about how much she has hurt me
i'm such a loser..
..

quite hard to pick myself up after all this..
i hope i can
that's what religion is for
isn't it..

men of virtue
how i admire you
cheers ~  ¶ 1:10 AM (0) comments