i'm not out to make you my girlfriend

i jus don't want to be another person that you have to entertain..
i want to help you with anything that you may need help with..
i want to make you smile
make you laugh
make you happy..

and if i say that i will not expect anything from you
i would be lying
but i honestly do not want you to be with me..
weird right
but there're 2 reasons

- you will not be able to accept my past, most ppl won't
- i will not make a good boyfriend, companion, etc.
i will only hurt ppl close to me

..



..




you told me that you wanted to be alone
you didn't want to handle anyone

but
i jus want to know .. you..
your character and everything about you ..
will you help me.. ?






..







went jogging down the usualy route to lorong 8 jus now
singapore seemed so beautiful ..
now i know why there're guys who sign up for SAF already..

..



they always say
"be happy with what you have"
..
but do you say that to the people who train very hard?
who work very hard?

i don't believe that those people are happy with what they have.. or they won't put in so much effort already..
"I hate my body
I hate my body"
..
ditto for the employee who puts in everything he/she has..
..

food for thought, for myself
.



hungry
hahaha

i think she sleeping already ba..

today watch channel 8..
the 9pm show
..
love gatekeepers or something.. lol ~ !

there's a girl ..
in the serial
who loved this guy (some chao ah beng) so much
she seems too perfect..
such a unrealistic character
but i see myself in her..
..





without strength and money and power,
a guy is nothing..

without kindness and the willingness to make a girl feel loved, to make the girl feel like she's the most single important person in his life,
that guy is the worst type of human to walk the face of this earth..




somewhere
there's someone
who dreams of ur smile
and finds that, in ur presence
life is worthwhile..

i will not be with you
but i hope you will be happy
God bless you  ¶ 11:58 PM (0) comments

  woooooooo ho ho and a bottle of pure cokeeeeee !!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i like this feeling
i see your pic and i get soooooo high
if only everyday of my life is like this ....

but it still hurts
but .. i guess your mission objective is to make me get used to it .. ya ?
well..
i have a msg for ya
I GET USED TO THINGS GOD-DAMNED FAST
..
so ya..
but the pain will always be there
will always come
but it'll get numb
but it'll still hurt

..

i don't even know why i fell in luv with you
i really don't know
why
but it's ok

..

all i ask of you
is to treat me like a friend
nothing else

..

cos
i may like you alot
i may do things for you
but GET THIS
I KNOW I WON'T BE WITH YOU
i want to be with you
but i know it won't happen

OK ??

cos u won't be able to accept my past
if u knew
you probably won't even be my friend .....

alot of ppl won't



what i've done in the past
is enough to warrant me the "mother fucker" tag for the rest of my life
so ya
if u are actually that cold to friends
then .. well
i have nothing to say
but i do want to comment that i like ur style
sassy.. ^^



as long as it's you
i can take every single kind of shit

try getting me to quit bike
or get me to give up something important in my life (anything but you)

i will do it
i like bike
but i like you more
i don't care if i cannot be with you
i wANT to be your friend, forever
let me
give me at least the freedom to do that



please..





you took my whole world with you
what's there left for me ..



in 23 hours :: 21 minutes :: 27 seconds
i will sing a birthday song to myself
alone
in my room
i won't cry
i promise
but
as for
sad feelings
feeling sad
that i can't promise
i will
probably be
depressed
and there's nothing
you will
do
about it ..

..

or will you .. .. ^^




"hope is the feeling that you have that the feeling that you most probably will have, isn't permanent .. "
- Paul Hood
Tom Clancy's Op-Center
Divide and Conquer

-7th.the0ry  ¶ 12:29 AM (0) comments

  Bike
----

warning: it's boring to non-bikers and maybe bikers too .. hahaa

was riding inside SSDC circuit
i came out of slalom ..

and there were 3 bikers on the right lane
and 3 bikers (including me) on the left lane

the 3 on the right, signalled left, wanted to go left lane
we , on the 3, signalled right, wanted to go to the right lane

all 6 of us didn't know each other
prac 3, CR, etc


there, on the small stretch of road beside clank course
we did a very nice criss crossing of 6 bikes
hahah..

1st bike on the right went left
1st bike on the left went right
2nd bike on the right went left
I went right (going back to plank)

and the 2 other bikes did the same thing

like some stunt sia
and the feeling's nice
especially when you're one of the guys doing the stunt.. ^^

i think some instructor behind us, was like clapping or something.. hahhaha

fun leh..
maybe can do that again next time i go circuit .. ^^





..





it's my birthday soon
and the selfish feeling of expecting everything to go my way is so strong..
it's like
your birthday leh
things should happen the way that you want what..
things that you always wanted to do, people should help you with that..

..

then i will say it
i want to be with her ..
for a day
or anything
jus want to spend some time with her ..

but .. i dunno
i'm too afraid
i'm too ugly
so .. ya ..

anyway
for her ..
if i were to guess what she's thinking..
she's probably thinking..

"if i go out with him, i would be giving him the impression that he can be with me"
"i should not give him false hope"

or maybe she doesn't even care
don't even remember when my birthday is

..

ya, i did ask
and well ..
the result, i don't want to talk about it ..

..

maybe i should jus forget it
my birthday
so what
it's jus another day
who cares


..


can you take it all away .....


i asked for it
all this pain
it's no fault of hers
i asked for everything myself
i allowed myself to be fucked so badly



pre-occupied without you
i cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
i stumble then i crawl

i wonder what are you doing
imagine where you are

can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when you shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me

-puddle of mudd
-blurry



i'm starting to hate my birthday
fuck it
i don't care anymore  ¶ 10:33 AM (0) comments

  ppl do change
today's the 3rd of jan 2005
6 more days and it's my 20th birthday

ppl do change
who i am 5 years ago
and
who i am today

i will not deny that i regret alot of things
but i know there's no turning back
and i did my best to learn from those mistakes


today
i am a person who is not afraid to change
not afraid to admit he's wrong
if every thing goes wrong
i will stop and think
and i will adapt myself
i am not very proud of myself
and i know my limit
i know where i stand
i will not cross that line

i may not be a guy of many achievements
but if i say i'm good at something
u better believe it

i jus re-read my previous post
the things that i've written so far..
..
are almost like the previous post..
hahaaha.. weird ..
but this one is better-written ba..

..

ar well..
now
if i choose to love someone
i will give it all
i will make her feel loved as much as i can
i don't wan to regret not loving someone whom is so flawless to me



this blog
i doubt ppl even read it anymore
it's boring
it's all words
no photos whatsoever
so this blog is mainly for me
i read my previous posts and i get so many memories
i get reminded of how much i have changed..
and i believe i've changed for the better..


i never wanted to be somebody
i jus wanted to be a normal guy
with a normal job
living in a normal house
with normal hobbies
loving an extraordinary girl
today
i guess that still stands true..
but ..
now
i hate failure..
that's the most major change ba
and i push myself more than ever before

ok ..
i've written enough
tc.. whoever is out there..
so long and good night.. ^^

i'm actually sleeping early tonight..
my shifu even more li hai though ..
man utd VS Arsenal later
may the Gunners prevail.. hahaha..

-7th.the0ry  ¶ 9:44 PM (0) comments

  i welcomed 2006 OUTSIDE LONG JOHN SILVER at CINELEISURE !!!!!

NOW THAT'S JUS *** SAD *** !!!

stupid mas..
thanks for screwing up my body clock too.. remind me to screw up urs next time..

..

awww.. they're showing panda babies on tv now ..

i jus told h that i feel high .. LOL
omg, what am i doing ..

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i'm a .. very boring person ..
i think watching wet paint dry is more interesting than talking to me..



hmm..
i'm going to be 20 soon ..
1 more week ..
so far..
what i've learnt .. from life
in person-to-person relationships..
socalising..

- expect other people to be selfish, to watch for their own interests only
- don't be afraid to say no
- being willing to help is good, having the skills to do is very rare..
- tiredness and fatigue are jus words if you want to succeed
- never, ever take anything for granted
- shit happens, shit *will* hit the fan sooner or later.. get ur mops ready..
- nobody is born a good judge of character .. most of the time, u have to learn it the hard way .. remember the lessons well
- experience is something valuable that others have, if it's shared with you, listen and think about it .. use it .. learning it the hard way, from mistakes.. is usually not the best way..


- even if the person you love, doesn't love you, make her feel loved.. for it's the only feeling that makes life worth living ..


and even though i said tiredness and fatigue are jus words
i am tired..
emotionally..
haha..
but i don't mind..
really..
life has given me alot of opportunities ..
and i'm grateful..
most importantly..
i found someone..
i really thank god for that..

over the years
i've become more practical le ba..
become more .. wise..
become a person who cherishes the opportunities that he has more..
and .. ..
a person who doesn't screw up that often anymore.. hahaha .. ^^

ok..
happy new year ppl..
may 2006 be a good year for all of us

and may france win ..

-7th.the0ry  ¶ 1:09 AM (0) comments